life toolbox e-book 2014

Life TOOLBOX

Contents Welcome to Life Toolbox ................................................................................. 1 Affirmations and I -A -N .................................................................................... 3 Anger Release ................................................................................................. 4 Being Emotionally Free .................................................................................... 5 Boundaries ....................................................................................................... 6 Expressing Your Needs ................................................................................... 7 False Beliefs .................................................................................................... 8 Freeing Yourself From Fear ............................................................................. 9 Finding Your Passion ..................................................................................... 10 Five Stages of the Grief Process ................................................................... 11 Finding Your Emotional Scale ........................................................................ 12 Infinite Solutions Tool ..................................................................................... 14 Love Languages ............................................................................................ 15 Me in the Mirror .............................................................................................. 16 Telling a New Story ........................................................................................ 17 Thinking Better Thoughts ............................................................................... 18 Disclaimer Rosemary Killip Ltd has taken reasonable care to ensure that the information provided in this workbook is correct at the time of writing. We will not accept any liability for anything done or not done in reliance on the information in this training module. Version 1: June 2013 AcknowledgementsInside Photograph: Claudia Hatherill

Writers: Rosemary Killip Ltd PO Box 12‐463, Thorndon, Wellington Phone: (04) 4721702 Email: [email protected] Web: www.rosemarykillip.com

© 2014 Rosemary Killip Ltd Page 1

Welcome to Life Toolbox I have put together a selection of tools that I have personally found useful over the years. I have been my own guinea pig. Life's journey takes all sorts of twists and turns we don't expect. And like any journey it is good to have your toolkit along for the ride for when you need it. I acknowledge the creators of such. Where possible I have referred to the author or originator of the tool. If you want to explore further pleas refer to the originator website references (current at the time of printing). Come to one of my workshops where we will practice using these tools. Go to http://www.rosemarykillip.com to check out when my next workshop or retreat will be held. Enjoy your journey in this life and be blessed. Rosemary – April 2014


Above and Below the Line Are there times when you feel like a victor? Are there times you feel like a victim? How do you know? Are you operating from above or below the line?

O ‐ Ownership A ‐ Accountability R ‐ Responsibility

B ‐ Blame E ‐ Excuses D ‐ Denial Adapted from a variety of sources


Affirmations and I ‐A ‐N

Affirmations are an important focus points for achieving what we want. We attract what we think about. How many thoughts do we have a day? How many times are these negative thoughts and that attract negative energy. SO how about we turn some of these around into positive thoughts? Athletes and high performers use them so what don't we? Let's create some affirmations and then use this three‐step process to help you generate some new experiences. Step 1: Set your intentions What is it that you want to experience? Write out your intentions. This is the "what" step. Start you affirmations with:

I AM

I HAVE

I DO Step 2 ‐ pay attention Make your affirmations as bright and bold as you like. Put them up anywhere and everywhere you wish to remind you. For example: somewhere you will see when you first wake up in the morning, your mirror, in your wallet, on your computer, I pad, IPhone. This will help focus your mind to the positive intentions you set for yourself. If you are inspired to take action then do that thing. Do little steps or big steps towards your goal. Doing even a little will make a difference to the outcome. Step 3 ‐ let go and have faith without tension The last step is to let go of any anxiousness over when and how your intention is coming to you. It will all in good time if you keep paying attention and taking small action Don't fret over them ‐ don't give up. Have faith and let go. Let the universe show up for you.


Anger Release It’s ok to feel angry. It’s just an emotion telling us that something is off‐track and needs correction within us. Suppressed anger can lead to depression. Overly expressed anger can lead to abusive behaviour. (e.g. road rage) Expressed in the right way it is a release both physically and mentally of this stored up energy. This exercise will help you release unwanted, built up energy quickly and leave you feeling in a better space. Steps

Take a tea towel or hand towel

fold it in half and grab the ends

Find the corner of a door or wall

You are going to whack the towel against this object

Whack it as hard as you like

Let go of any words or put as much energy into it as you feel you need to until you feel release.


Being Emotionally Free Emotional Freedom Technique(EFT) is a tool you can use to shift your emotional space. Steps

Focus on a specific issue

Take a measure how you feel right now about this issue scale 1 ‐ crappy 10 ‐ great

Tap on the karate chop point of your hand

say the following sentence x 3 "even though xxxx happened / is happening I absolutely and totally love and accept myself".

Tap through the body's energy meridians (shown in the diagram on this website www.emofree.com/) x7 on each place

Say how this issue makes you feel

Change the words as you are lead to

Tap through several times until you feel an energy shift

check in on your scale 1 ‐ crappy 10 ‐ great. How do you feel now? Adapted from the work of Gary Craig www.emofree.com/


Boundaries

How many times have you found yourself feeling taken advantage of. You've given of yourself only to find that you are feeling used or abused. Its a sign that you've allowed a boundary to be collapsed to that there was no boundary in place in the first place. Step 1: Self‐Awareness The first step in learning to set boundaries is self‐awareness. 1. People may not ___________. 2. I have a right to ask for ____________. 3. To protect my time and energy, it's OK to _________________. Step 2: Setting Your Boundaries Learn to set boundaries with others. Use simple, direct language. When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate, or over‐explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request. Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs Step 3: Strengthen Your Internal Boundaries When someone offends you, stop and ask these three questions. How much of this is true about me? How much of this is about the other person? What do I need to do (if anything) to regain my personal power or stand up for myself?. Adapted from the work of Cheryl Richardson. www.cherylrichardson.com


Expressing Your Needs How hard is it to get your needs met? How hard is it for you to express those needs? Are you even allowed to have needs? Of course you are. You deserve. A lot of our communication problems with each other is due to un‐expressed / un‐met needs. SO how do we express our needs? Often we get mixed up between expressing needs and feelings. Try this technique when you want a need met by another: Think of something you need right now. Fill in the blanks below Steps

I see.... what is it that you are observing in another. Observable behaviour)

I feel ...... what do you feel (angry, sad, numb, etc.

I need ....... what do you need

Would you....... make a request of the other person Adapted from the work of NVC www.cnvc.org


False Beliefs The are some common false beliefs we all hold in our subconscious. Day to day we are not aware of these beliefs yet they play out in our lives nevertheless. Consider the following seven common false beliefs

1. I am not enough 2. I am not lovable 3. I am not worthy 4. I do not trust 5. I am all alone 6. I am not safe 7. Life is hard

Do one or more ring true as a belief you hold about yourself? How do you know it is true? Who would you be without this belief and what would your life experience be like? Adapted from the work of Chernova and Andros http://courageousliving.com


Freeing Yourself From Fear There are four common fears that can drive our behaviours. If you feel fear you are not alone. We all experience one or more of these fears from time‐time.

1. fear of failure 2. fear of rejection 3. fear of death 4. fear of the unknown

There is an infamous line ‐ "feel the fear and do it anyway". You can feel fear, handle it and take steps into the unknown. With each little step you take you will develop a new pattern. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger. What would you be doing without the fear holding you back? Adapted from the work of Susan Jeffers www.susanjeffers.com


Finding Your Passion What would your day look like if you were happy, fulfilled and passionate? How do you want to spend the rest of your life? Make a list of 10 things you would like to do or achieve in your lifetime. Consider areas such as work, play, travel, fun, health, relationship, spiritual, community, etc).

1. ___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________________________

4. ___________________________________________________________________

5. ___________________________________________________________________

6. ___________________________________________________________________

7. ___________________________________________________________________

8. ___________________________________________________________________

9. ___________________________________________________________________

10. ___________________________________________________________________

From this list we will uncover the top five you can focus on right now.

Top 5 passions 1. ___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________________________

4. ___________________________________________________________________

5. ___________________________________________________________________

Adapted from the work of Chris and Janet Brae Attwood http://thepassiontest.com


Five Stages of the Grief Process When we experience an extreme event we will go through a series of emotional stages. These stages have been identified into five different processes. Sometimes we get stuck in a stage and that can be unhealthy for us. Sometimes we move through several times around the cycle. Denial "I feel fine.” "This can't be happening, not to me." Anger "Why me? It's not fair!” "How can this happen to me?" "Who is to blame?" Bargaining "I'll do anything for a few more years.” "I will give my life savings if..." Depression "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?” "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?" "I miss my loved one, why go on?" Acceptance "It's going to be okay." "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." Adapted from the work of Elisbaeth Kubler ‐Ross www.ekrfoundation.org


Finding Your Emotional Scale Your emotions are just an indicator of how aligned you are with your true self and your true desires. If you are experiencing a most successful people in the world operate from the top of the emotional scale. If you believe in the law of attraction then you accept that you attract to you the very energy you are putting out into the universe. Check in with yourself on the scale below. When you feel your best where are you? When you feel your worst where are you? How do you raise yourself from lower emotional energy points to higher ones?

1. Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love 2. Passion 3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness 4. Positive Expectation/Belief 5. Optimism 6. Hopefulness 7. Contentment 8. Boredom 9. Pessimism 10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience 11. Overwhelment 12. Disappointment 13. Doubt 14. Worry 15. Blame 16. Discouragement 17. Anger 18. Revenge 19. Hatred/Rage 20. Jealousy 21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness 22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

Adapted from the work of Abraham Hicks www.abraham‐hicks.com


Forgiveness and Letting Go Used for when we want to release or forgive ourselves or someone else for something they have done / said. Sometimes it’s just a belief we have carried around that no longer is true or necessary for us to hold onto. This is a process where you write a letter you will never send. You will need paper and a pen. Start "An Angel letter to the higher self of.........carried in love by the angels/my higher self" (filling in the name of the person you wish to forgive or have forgive you). Start your letter "Dear....." then follow with a paragraph or more, put here all your feelings and experiences which have caused dis‐ease between you, be direct and honest. Next follow with a paragraph or more about the good things that have happened between you, or details of what you have learned from the difficult experiences (there is always something good that comes out of any situation). You can also add here the way you would like things to be between you (only positive loving thoughts please). Finish with this: "I bless you and release you to your highest good. The spirit in me forgives you for all the anger and sorrow that has been between us. The spirit in you forgives me for all the anger and sorrow that has been between us, now and forever. In the spirit of love, signed...........". This letter is now carried to its destination by the angels/my higher self for the good of all concerned. Now fold the letter, address it to the person or situation concerned and place it in a special place (where no one else will read it) for up to 48 hours. You will know when it has been sent. Then burn it or throw it away. Adapted from a range of different sources


Infinite Solutions Tool

We often feel there are no options ‐ options in life. How many times have you heard someone say "harden up", "suck it up", "that's just the way it is". But we are note restricted by this frame. WE can imagine infinite possibilities ‐ and here's a tool to get your creative juices flowing. Use this tool to expand your mind from only seeing limited options. Write down a problem you have at the moment Then ask …

How else could I think about that?

What's another way of looking at this?

Who could I ask for a new perspective? Try and come up with twenty new and different ways of looking at your situation Adapted from the work of Harvey Storey www.life‐coach‐tools.com


Love Languages How do you express love and how do you feel loved? Often we give to others what we most dearly wish for ourselves. Have you ever given someone a hug only for him or her to pull back? Or given a gift that has landed flat? Maybe its because we have a mismatch in our love languages. There are five common languages for love they are:

1. Words for affirmation 2. Quality time 3. Acts of service 4. Receiving gifts 5. Physical touch

You can take a quiz to find out which is your top language and that of your mate, children, work colleagues etc. You will be surprised to recognize this in yourself and others and start speaking to them in a language that they want to hear /feel / experiences. And then you and they will feel truly loved. Adapted from the work of Gary Chapman www.5lovelanguages.com


Me in the Mirror This is a classic exercise in talking to self in a positive way. Steps

Grab a mirror

Look deeply into your own eyes

Tell yourself only loving things ‐ out loud

Start with "I love you"

Keep looking in the mirror

No criticism or judgement ‐ just love

Say it over and over again until you really believe yourself.

Think of things you are busting to hear from others and tell yourself these things.

It’s tempting to look into he mirror and start correcting self or criticizing self for the way one looks. STOP! This is not part of the exercise. This is an exercise of self‐love. You can use this in preparation for a stressful or tense situation or to correct yourself when you feel the emotions are overwhelming. Stand in front of a mirror , look deeply into your eyes and tell yourself "I can do this" Adapted from Louise Hay www.louisehay.com


Telling a New Story It’s tempting to beat the drum of what we do not like about our lives. We recount story after story (or the same story over and over again) about things that have gone wrong, that have pained us. These are experiences in our lives that have come to teach us something. If we did not get the lesson the first time around it will come around again ‐ until we get it... We can get stuck with that same story on "replay" and find even more evidence show up in our lives to keep us stuck in that grief. But the god news things we can change the story we tell ourselves. Write can write a new story of how you want your life to be. You can be producer, director, and the star of the show! So lets reframe a story you've been telling yourself and give it a makeover


Thinking Better Thoughts The only reason we want something (anything in life) is that we think we will be happier when we have it. We then get the "it" and we are happy for a while. Then in no time at all we are not happy again and we start to wish for something else that will make us happy. WE may be really successful, have all the stuff we ever wanted and still be unhappy. How can this be so? Because the process of desiring to be happy never ends.... We sometimes suspend being happy now on the idea that I will be happy when.... Lets play with this. Make a list of things you think you will be I'll be happy when you have them. Now lets work our way backwards to see if we can be happy now

Happy Now Happy When

life toolbox e-book 2014

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