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Life Secrets Unlocked

You!do!not!have!resell!rights!to!this!ebook.!All!rights!reserved.!Unauthorised!resell!or! copying!of!this!material!is!unlawful.!No!portion!of!this!ebook!may!be!copied!or!resold! without!written!permission.!SuperemeMindMastery.com!reserves!the!right!to!use!the!full! force!of!the!law!in!the!protection!of!its!intellectual!property!including!the!contents,!ideas,! and!expressions!contained!herein. !Copyright!SuperemeMindMastery.com

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ContentsAn Introduction to Changing Your Life .4 Designing Your Own Life 4 One Step at a Time ..4 The Benefits of Self-Determination ...5 Unlocking the Power of the Mind7 Take Control of Your Thoughts ..9 Time for Self-Assessment ..12 A Measure of Your Life ...13 Take Note of Changes in the Recipe 16 Assess the Life Around You ...17 Do the Batteries that Fuel You Have a Negative and a Positive? ..18 Think About What You Want ...21 Create Your Life Map 23 How to Accomplish Your Goals ...27 Develop Charisma .27 The Benefit of Having Charisma .28 The Down Side of Charisma in Life 29 Subtlety is Key ...29 Master the Art of Persuasion ...30 Persuasion vs. Manipulation ....30 Persuasion ..31 Manipulation ...31 How These Skills Affect You 32 The Two-Fold Advantage .33 How to Improve Your Life .34 Achieve Freedom from Self-Sabotage ...34 Finding Happiness by Achieving Your Goals 36 Why Goals are Important ..37 Professional Goals .38 Your Social Goals ..40 Personal Goals 42 Finding Your Life Partner ..44 The Next Step in the Relationship ..45 The Final Word46

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An Introduction to Changing Your Life All of us want the best in life, but for some reason we are denied that happiness in one way or another. It seems that with every challenge in life, we fail in our efforts to meet and beat the challenges, giving us the feeling of being beaten in life in general that causes a downward spiral in self-esteem and the will to take on new challenges. In giving up, we give up the opportunity to learn as well as to express ourselves and share the knowledge we gain over time. If these patterns in thinking continue over long periods of time, not just months but years, we get into a habitual way of thinking that cause self-destructive patterns and behaviors, shortening our lives by the equivalent of the years that we maintain this manner of just getting by in life. So in an effort to prevent this self-destructive behavior, these tips and bits of advice and educational techniques are given in the interest of improving your life as well as the lives of the people around you. In following the simple life-changing techniques given in this book, you can improve your life and influence others to do the same.

Designing Your Own Life

Most of us feel that the events in our lives are, in a lot of cases, out of our control. However, this is not a cold hard fact. There are things we can control in our lives by making some important changes in how we live, the decisions we make, and the attitude we have toward circumstances and events we experience. If you put forth the effort to make these changes, you will notice the improvement in your life over time and the effect it has on the people that surround you. When they see the path that you have taken in your life, you in turn can help them change their lives, creating a chain reaction of life improvement that could have wider implications in basically changing your world. Of course, your decision to use these techniques should not be based on changing the world, but starting to change your own life. Let the chain reactions take care of themselves.

One Step at a TimeSome people will tell you that they had one day that changed their entire life. For some, that may be true, good or bad. However, that one day was probably something that happened

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that was beyond their control instead of a series of controlled events that created the person they are today. For instance, if you were broke yesterday and hit a lottery today, you can bet your life will change, but it is due to a circumstance that you did not control, and may be short-lived or cause long-standing changes in your life that may not be what your bargained for. The same is said for negative things that happen in your life as well. If you suffer the loss of a loved one, for example, it is an occurrence that you could not control. However, how you handle these circumstances will make a difference in your lifes path. Whether positive or negative these happenings in life may not be your doing, but there is an important lesson to be learned here. It is not the events that occur in your life that make you who you are, but rather how you react to them. In winning that lottery, should you suddenly adorn yourself in jewels and highend clothing and strut your way down the boardwalk? Although it would be tempting to do so, the answer is no. Of course, some celebration would be in order, but you have to remember who you were before those lucky lottery numbers were chosen, and create a path in your life that is appropriate to your personal growth and your enjoyment of life in general. Your reaction to winning that lottery will determine the life habits that you will build from that day forward, and will create the person that the world will see. So the first step in changing your life (without hitting the lottery) is to look inside yourself and determine who you really are. You must assess your values, morals, and beliefs in order to stay true to yourself while improving your mental attitude. At this point, you are probably asking why this is so important and how you go about designing your own life. This is not an instantaneous project, but one that takes some time and effort on your part. Most often it is not one day that changes your life, but a series of actions and gaining knowledge that will allow you to make some changes. So lets get started.

The Benefits of Self-DeterminationSo your life is not what you want it to be. You have found thatthe dreams you had as child are not coming to fruition. You keep trying, but feel defeated at every small turn in your life, giving you the feeling that you will never have what you want. Then you have the people in your life that keep telling you that things will get better. But all you can focus on is When? You keep plugging away at the daily tasks that you have to do to survive, but you are always dissatisfied with your position in life and in what you are doing just to get by. These things seem quite obvious, since you want to unlock lifes secrets in order to find some happiness.It is at this point that it is time to make a major decision to change your life. When you finally hit a point in your life when you are ready to say enough is enough, you are ready to find the self-determination that will not only build your character, but get you

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standing straight and tall to let others know that you are willing to take on challenges again, and that failure in your life is not an option. But what is self-determination? It is your ability to focus on what you want in life, and change what you need to change in order to achieve it. You will be ready to eliminate negative influences in your life and learn how to avoid them from being there in the first place.You will also learn how to counter the negative influences, learn from them, and take advantage of the positive ones without compromising your integrity and self-respect. These points are important in building your self-determination that gives you the strength to obtain your dreams and reach your goals, no matter how small, in your life. If you are at this point and are ready to find that energy within you, there are many benefits to keep in mind in finding your self-determination. For example, in building your self-determination, you gain back the self-respect that routine life has taken away up to this point. There is what some of us consider constant beatdowns that take away a piece of us each day, chipping away at us until we simply give in to an attitude that puts us in a rut. Having a job that you are not satisfied with that barely pays your bills gives you the attitude that your skills are not worth anything to your employer. But you will learn to change this attitude in following some simple advice. Remember that there is no task too small if it will lead you to other things. For instance, simply getting the boss a cup of coffee each morning could lead you to a raise or a promotion. One small task is almost always a part of a bigger scheme. If you change your attitude toward your daytoday activities, you will begin to look forward to each day as a new experience in living and learning, and can say that you are proud of who you are and what you do. Job satisfaction is only a small part of the plan to achieve what you want to gain out of life, and whatever it is you do, do it with pride. Give yourself the mindset that you are the best in what you do because you put the effort into it in order to succeed. No matter what your life circumstances are, you will be able to look beyond current circumstances and see the good things to come in your life that you will have in time. Building that backbone in thinking is one of the keys in being successful in life. Keep in mind that success in life is relative to the person you are, not the person someone else has become. Comparing yourself to others is not the best way to obtain what YOU want from life. Someone elses success may not be the same definition of your success and therefore becomes irrelevant in your quest to get what you want out of life. Of course, you can take an example and some inspiration from other successful people that you feel l will help you. Someone that is influential to you in a positive may help you in building yourself up for the tasks and changes ahead. But be wary of some influential people that may give you a blow to your self-determination in their own self-serving attitudes or negativity toward what you want to accomplish. Some people may become your competition in reaching some goals, sabotaging your efforts to improve your life by giving you bad advice or pushing their negative attitudes on you. Watch their decision making skills from a distance to be sure

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they should really be your inspiration in obtaining your goals in life. All-in-all, you must weigh the value of their influence versus your needs in reaching the place and happiness in life that you want to achieve. Your choices in what inspires you can be as simple as a childs smile or a joke that someone tells you. Maybe even some quiet time alone can help you to gather your thoughts and let you pump yourself up in order to remain determined in making the changes necessary in your life. Anything that lifts your spirits and keeps you standing tall is a step up from the bottom you have reached and are digging to get out of now. Sometimes finding those small inspirations give a big step in unlocking life secrets that will help you go far. Each day, it is important to find something that brings a smile to your face and uplifts your mood to one of being satisfied with your lifes activities and the ones you plan to include. In following these simple tips, you build the self-determination you will need in unlocking the life secrets that will make your life complete.

Unlocking the Power of the MindIt is no surprise that the mind has a lot of control over what we do and think every day. For example, did you ever have a really good dream in your sleep and wake up feeling very happy the next morning? Or even the opposite, with having a bad dream and feeling grumpy and negative through the next day? It may be the case that you do not even remember the dream, but it is the subject or tone of the dream that plays a part in your attitude. If you dreamed of obtaining a goal that you thought was out of reach, you may have unlocked something very important. This is the potential of the human mind in determining our outlooks on life in general and even how we feel about small details in our lives, such as a fear of doing certain activities or even in the ownership of pets or keeping certain artifacts from others in our homes. The human psyche is a puzzle that is hard to be solved, but this writing addresses some techniques that are proven to work for you in unlocking life secrets that will help you in realizing your dreams and goals. The biggest secret is that you have to unlock your mind and leave it open to let in the thoughts and attitudes that will change your life. For example, if you are afraid of speaking in front of a crowd of others, one suggestion is to picture the people in a way that would be embarrassing to them, and not to you, like all of them being clothed in nothing but their underclothing. Another suggestion is to be a fool. Imagine that you are speaking only to your best friend, and add a personal touch to the tone of your speaking. In letting new thoughts and techniques in, you are able to change your outlook on life and the way you handle lifes events. The mind can be very powerful in blocking certain events and emotions as well as seeing the

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benefit in certain thoughts. For instance, that wonderful dream you had last night made your day a brighter experience, and your attitudes and interactions with other people were positive. On the reverse, if your attitude is negative when you begin your day, the interactions with others will reflect your mental attitude and most likely make that day one of your worst in history. Like body building, the brain needs to be trained in a specific thought processes in order for you to move forward in life in general as well as in personal and career relationships, giving you an edge in discovering lifes secrets. Adjusting your attitude as you start each day is only a small step in unlocking the power of your mind. There are many quotes from celebrities on the nature of life that not only provide humor, but give us an insight into life secrets that they have and do follow. For example, the late Erma Bombeck said, Life is a bowl of cherries. Dont give me the pits. The comment is amusing, but it teaches us not to accept the negative in our lives that is not constructive, and instead to look forward and bring in the positive influences that teach our brains to find inventive ways of reaching our goals and achieving our dreams. That brings us to our next step in unlocking life secrets in order to be successful in our lives.

Take Control of Your ThoughtsThis sometimes is easier said than done, and takes some practice. As you know, practice makes perfect, so some daily effort is needed to keep you on track in changing your thought processes. A first step in controlling your thoughts is to do someattitude adjustment when you wake up each morning, remembering what your goals and dreams are. Post a note on your mirror that says Smile! It is a new day and a new adventure! Then do exactly what that note says. Look into your mirror and smile. As you contemplate your reflection, think of something amusing or inspirational from the day before. That smile will be a genuine one, and your attitude in starting your day will be more positive. Another suggestion to help is to keep a visible reminder of your short term goals in front of you in a prominent display on your refrigerator, a board over your desk, or even a small sticky note on your kitchen table. For example, I have a goal today and it is. Sometimes our brains will prevent the pursuit of dreams and the accomplishment of our goals inusing the excuses of practicality and responsibility. In other words, your brain tells you that you cannot pursue your dreams because of ongoing daily living. Given this fact, you have to retrain your brain to think otherwise. You can still take care of your daily life while working your way upward in your lifes goals and the attainment of your dreams. It just may longer for you than for some other people. We have all seen testimonials of college students that are anywhere from 18 years old to a grand age of 96 years old that reached their goals and fulfilled their dreams of obtaining their diplomas, despite obstacles in their lives. That is because those people have taken control of their thoughts and beat the self-sabotage that is a tendency in most people.

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Self-sabotage is when someone has an unconscious thought that becomes a block in stepping forward in life. For example, when you are given an opportunity for a promotion at your work that entails more responsibility, you are inclined to turn it down because you think the work load or work hours are not practical in the life routine you live now, given your responsibilities at home as well as in events outside of work and family. Instead of moving forward, you stay in the same rut you were in before, because this is considered your comfort zone. You have become comfortable where you are in life, so you become reluctant to change. In following this path, you are essentially killing your own dreams and goals, preventing you from having what you want out of life. In addition, your mind gives you every excuse to turn down a step up, like being with your children around the clock (which is not always advisable in the circles of child-rearing), having to get home to do laundry and dishes, or that you have a long-standing obligation to meet with friends or family on particular days and at particular times. Although these events are important in your personal life, a temporary reprieve from them may be necessary in order to step up and realize your goals and dreams. It will be understandable to others that you are trying to improve your life, reach your goals, and attain your dreams if you explain it to them. Not every event in their lives should make you obligated to participate and make it a part of your life. You have to weigh the value of staying in that comfort zone or stepping outside of it and pursuing what you want out of life. Another mental block in succeeding is in wondering what friends and family are going think of the goals and dreams you have. Some will say, Good for you! Keep going! While others will get angry or be skeptical of your ability to succeed and say you have responsibilities to take care of above all else, berating your abilities as a parent or spouse, and saying you are being a slacker in those areas for selfish reasons. Others will laugh at your dreams and say that they are not possible to achieve, given their own experiences in their achievements or lack thereof. However, they may not have had the knowledge that you are gaining now, leading to their own failures that give them the tendency to judge the validity of what you are doing to better your life.This is always the temptation to keep your dreams in hiding, not sharing them with anyone to avoid the ridicule you think you will get from those closest to you. In hiding those dreams, you do not feel compelled to act on them and once again squelching your chances of reaching your goals and obtaining your dreams. If you do share your dreams with others and get negative feedback, fear and doubt starts to set in, making you wonder if what you are pursuing is worth the effort and heartbreak if you fail. But you have to have a definition of fail. Does it mean that simply the goal is unobtainable, or just that you hit a stumbling block in your plan in achieving it? What measure are you using to define a failure? Who are you going to disappoint? You have to explore whether it is yourself or if it is others that are influencing that emotion. One of Billy Joels songs says it perfectly with, You always wake up with yourself. So you have to

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consider whether the opinion of others is enough to influence your feelings of fear and doubt that prevent you from moving forward, or whether your goals and dreams are worth it to you in your pursuit of happiness in life. Even with small failures, your goals and dreams should not be forgotten. Another saying in life is that for every ten nos there is yes.You have to get through those no events in your life in order to reach the yes events or attitudes that allow changes in your life. If one idea does not work for you, continue on to another, discounting the negative comments and emotions of others in order to get what you want out of life. No matter what others say or do to prevent your progress, you have to get out of your comfort zone in order to realize your dreams and find happiness in life. There is a story about a man that simply wanted to learn how to read. He was 86 years old when he decided it was time to strive for this accomplishment. He set a goal, and acted on it over a period of years. On his 89th birthday, he stood in front of his fellow church attendees, and read a statement of how he learned to step outside of his comfort zone in order to learn this new-found skill. He had gone all of his life until that point depending on others to read for and to him. Realizing that this one dream changed his entire life, he shared it with others in helping to teach them to read, because he was willing to block out the negative concerns of others that were given due to his age. In sharing, he gave a positive charge to others seeking inspiration because of what he had accomplished and what he gave back afterward. Another example is a 96-year-old woman that had always wanted to go to college, but could not afford to due to the day and age in which she grew up. The Great Depression had taken her away from the education she wanted, and she had given up that dream for many years. Her inspiration was a great grand-daughter that told her she could do anything she wanted to do. And so she did. She graduated with honors beside her great grand-daughter, much to the pleasure of the graduates and observers of the ceremony alike. She had some positive inspiration that changed her thought process, allowing her to reach for the goals and dreams she had set for herself. The lesson here is not in what you know you can do, but in what you actually pursue. Get out of your comfort zone once in awhile. You have to take control of the thoughts and comments from others that are preventing you from moving forward in your life realizing your dreams. Remove the negative influences in your life, or at least put them to the back of your mind as lessons learned, and find more positive thoughts and influences that help to train your mind to fulfill your dreams as well as find your own personal success in life. As an example, when your clothes dryer decides to quit, think hard on that for minute or two. The first tendency is to toss out some profanity at the dryer and the circumstances that it left you in. But here is where that metal shift in your thought process comes in. You have to consider at least a couple of positive outcomes of this event. One, you have to get out of

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your house to dry your laundry at a Laundromat. Two is that you may meet someone there that can give you more perspective on life and give some tips on what they can contribute to your success. Every opportunity that pops up should be a chance to find the positive things in life in order to inspire you. When you get rid of negative influences and thoughts, you are better able to follow other steps that can help you. Remember that I cant is not in your vocabulary, and I can becomes your mantra. Although there will be times that this is difficult to do, it is necessary in retraining your though process to enable your success in life. Every life experience reinforces your daily thoughts in this direction. Remember, it is not an event that occurs that determines who you are, but how you react to it.

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Time for Self-Assessment

In order to move forward, you have to look backward. Who are you now, and how did you get to this point in your life? Self-assessment is necessary in order to figure out what is working well in your life as well as what should be changed in order to reach your goals and achieve your dreams. For example, think back to when you were a child, and the influences you had back then. Were all of them good influences? Probably not, and they may have left you feeling some emotions and having some attitudes that have become a wall between you and what you want to have in life. Most people hate doing the self-assessment step in this guide, but you have to be able to recognize where your faults and strengths are in order to move forward. If you skip over it, things will not change for you, since you will not be aware of what emotions and attitudes should continue or what you need to change in your life in order to know how to get beyond the walls from your childhood that stand in your way. Only in knocking down these walls will you be able to find out how to unlock life secrets that improve your quality of life. So drag out the notebook and pen, and get ready to learn more about yourself.out of your house to dry your laundry at a Laundromat. Two is that you may meet someone there that can give you more perspective on life and give some tips on what they can contribute to your success. Every opportunity that pops up should be a chance to find the positive things in life in order to inspire you. When you get rid of negative influences and thoughts, you are better able to follow other steps that can help you. Remember that I cant is not in your vocabulary, and I can becomes your mantra. Although there will be times that this is difficult to do, it is necessary in retraining your though process to enable your success in life. Every life experience reinforces your daily thoughts in this direction. Remember, it is not an event that occurs that determines who you are, but how you react to it.

A Measure of Your LifeIt is said that what gets measured can be improved. This is true in many areas of life as

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well as in your work or attaining your dreams or meeting some goals in life. Measuring things is just a standard of life. When someone follows a recipe in cooking, they measure the ingredients listed to find a perfect balance that adds taste, texture, nutrition, and esthetics to the meal they prepare. The time it takes to cook the meal and the coordination of preparing the entre and all of the side dishes as well as the desserts is important in the overall quality of the meal. Quite frankly, that example can be applied to your life, also. There are questions you must ask yourself in beginning to do a self assessment and you must answer yourself with complete honesty. Write the questions down, and provide the answers. No one else has to see them. After all, this is yourself-assessment, and nobody else has any stake in how you answer the questions or in how you act on your answers since this is your life and your dreams or goals. In writing down these question and your answers, you can refer back to them at different points in your quest for change and see that those answers will change as you make changes in your emotions, attitudes and life choices. First of all, are you satisfied with the taste of your current circumstances? Most people are not, and strive to improve the quality of their lives through different means. Some would like more time for vacations or quiet time to themselves, while others would like to be busier in their jobs or businesses to increase income that pays for dreams they wish to obtain. Others simply wish to get by in life, which is a short term goal that most people have in todays economy. However, when things improve for them, the goals get bigger, allowing them to move forward in their lives. This is one reason for making sure you keep a record of your first self-assessment. (Yes, this is only the first one, since your personal growth will be ongoing.)No matter what your circumstances are in life, be completely frank in what you feel you need and want, and write it down. Include details on what you feel should be changed from what you are doing now, and some ideas on how you can change them. Write everything down, from being able to pay all of the monthly bills to going on a special trip for a vacation or anniversary. No goal or dream is too big or too small. What is the texture of your life right now? Are there obligations that are in addition to your work life that are dragging you down in your pursuit of your dreams and happiness? If they are unnecessary, there is a chance you can get rid of them in order to pursue what you want in life, dropping burdens that are getting in the way. The texture of your life is not only in your obligations, but the demands you put on yourself with different responsibilities and goals in your personal and work life, such as recreational teams or other activities that really do not add anything to your personal life besides the pressure of having to be there and perform without any reward in your emotional or physical life. At times, such activities give you the break you need to deal with pressures in life. As long as they do not make unreasonable demands on your life, feel free to pursue them. You have to weigh their importance and whether they are helping or hurting you in your pursuit of happiness and the attainment of your lifes goals and dreams.

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What is the value of the nutrition in your life? Does everything you do add value to your life, or are you wasting your time and energy on things that mean little or nothing to you? For example, are you taking on tasks that have nothing to do with you or your family, and working for free? Does the activity lead to something better or is it truly a waste of your efforts? You have to assess what is important to you as well as assess how you spend your time each day on all activities. Another consideration is whether there are other activities that conflict with your daily tasks that cause stress in your life. In taking these factors into consideration, you can judge how your goals and dreams fit into the scenario and begin planning your ideas on how to pursue and achieve them while eliminating the distractions that get in the way of your plans. After writing everything down in this section, rank these activities in their order of importance, with ten being the most important and one being the lease important. You may find that the rankings of importance change over time. You will see why later in this book. What do the esthetics of your life look like in your eyes? Do you see yourself achieving the goals that you want to achieve? If so, what period of time did you allow yourself? (Remember that if your recipe cooks too long, it burns and is not of any use to you.) You have to assess the goals you have set for yourself to make them realistic to obtain. For example, Ill be a millionaire in one week is not realist in todays working world. Unless you have a way to cheat at a lottery, that goal is totally unreal and pretty much unattainable. A better one is that you will get all reports filed at your work before deadline, and work on the extra projects that earn a commission or bonus. Not only does this add to your income, but it impresses others (most notably your boss) so that they know you are serious in the pursuit of your goals and dreams, and adds to your self-esteem and self-worth in the pursuit of your happiness in life. This is an example of a short term goal. A long term goal, after achieving the shorter ones, could be to achieve the status of Director in your area of expertise, or even build to being the CEO of the company, if you are so inclined. Remember that you have to add the right spices to your recipe. Just as with the meal you ate for your dinner last evening, your lifes path can become rather bland without the perfect mix of spices. Remember those little tasks that appear meaningless on the surface? They are the spice that you will add to your recipe. In adding a pinch of this, and a palm of that,you can create a masterpiece in your lifes recipe that not only satisfies your hunger for growth, but adds a unique flavor to the recipe that is entirely your own.(That flavor is in recognizing even your smallest goals and what is preventing you from attaining them in order to keep your forward advancement in improving your life.) Remember not to add too much spice, though. Giving yourself a great deal of pressure in making your changes will defeat the purpose of making those changes in the first place. With this first recipe, you should add a little thyme to stir into the mix to get a perfect balance. While you were considering these questions, did you consider the side dishes in your life?

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Are you one of the people that contributes to others in a positive way, or do you scream at the homeless person on your sidewalk that they should get a job and leave you alone? Sometimes, being charitable in small and simple ways adds to the overall feeling of being full in your meal of life, contributing to your overall feeling of confidence and well-being that contributes to the power of your mind to reach your goals. So perhaps you should set aside a small amount of time to volunteer at your local homeless shelter in order to help the aforementioned homeless person. Not only do you find self-satisfaction in what you are doing, but the people you help in life will be grateful enough to return your kindness in their actions, advice and support in your journey to realizing your dreams and reaching your goals. When you do good things, good things come back to you. Remember that your side dishes should complement each other as well as your entre. Choose them well, and reap the benefits of having your meal of life leave a good taste in your mouth. Instead of taking your valuable time in playing a sporting event just for the fun of it, perhaps you might contribute to your neighborhood or city in their charitable sporting events to show others how you are following this recipe for life. If you have budgeted the time to just play, why not make it count toward a common goal? In contributing in this manner, you not only benefit others, but reach another rung on the ladder toward reaching a balance in your life that contributes to reaching your goals and achieving your dreams. As mentioned, not only do you gain satisfaction in helping others, but others will also help you. Now we are leading into the dessert portion of our lifes meal. In giving back to the people that support you and your dreams or goals, you get the positive feedback and emotions that fuel you in reaching where you want to be in your life. This is the cherry on top of the ice cream in our lifes dessert. You are building a network of support that will keep you motivated in maintaining a continuous forward movement in unlocking lifes secrets.In following simple recipes in life, you can assess where your mentality is, what needs to be changed, and get an idea of how to change it in a positive way. In other words, you can have your cake and eat it, too. In doing some careful planning and assessing the activities and attitudes you display in your life, in continuing your effortsyou can attain the sweet taste of success.

Take Note of Changes in the RecipeAfter mixing up your meal of life recipes, there will be changes that you need to make as you assess the happiness you find in what you are doing and in what you would still like to do. Thats perfectly alright. Write down what you have changed in your life habits and the changes you would like to make. Self-assessment is not easy to do for a lot of people, and will not bring immediate results. Sometimes the recipes have to be re-measured in order to find what you are looking for, and the spices have to be adjusted in order to achieve what

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you want to do. You have to remember that this is an ongoing process that is never really actually going to come to end since life circumstances, needs, and wants change constantly. Perhaps you want more spice in your life. Thats alright, too. But write down what you add or change so you can come back later and determine if the events you are adding to your life are helping you or contributing to the problems and stress that have been holding you back. If your meal is a bit too spicy, cut back a bit to find a perfect balance. It is said that idle hands do the devils work, so staying focused and busy is helpful, while overloading yourself is detrimental to your mental growth and the achievements you are pursuing. In keeping a record of your progress and the changes that contributed to it or areas where you lack any progress, adjustments can be made on a continual basis until you are able to find and achieve what you are looking for. But you must be honest with yourself in your assessments in order to benefit from their results. Whatever you do, dont get discouraged. This process is a lifelong endeavor, but once you are through the initial steps in learning how to do your self-assessment, you can adjust that life recipe that you trained your brain to follow as time goes by, making small mental changes that become automatic over time. You are able to measure your progress in going back to the notes you have written along the way, and can update them with the mental changes you have made since your last entry in your journal of lifes changes. In retraining your brain to think of success in reaching your goals and attaining your dreams, you can achieve these coveted achievements with what seems to be minimal effort. It will seem as easy as watching your grandmother whip up pancakes for breakfast. Just like the pinch of this and a palm of that used in her recipes, your recipe is just as adjustable. It is all in the tweaking of the life recipe that you develop and follow that gets you closer to reaching your goals and realizing the dreams that you strive for.

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Assess the Life Around You Since you have started your selfassessment, now is the time to assess the life around you. It is not only in discovering who you are and who you want to be that will make a difference in making the changes in your life that you need to pursue. Just as when you were a child growing up, the influences in your life have an impact on the person you are, how you think and how you react to different events in your life. So you must take another difficult step in describing your life up to this point, and start making some decisions that will get you on the right path to unlocking life secrets that will improve your life as well as those around you.

Do the Batteries that Fuel You Have a Negative and a Positive?No matter where you are in life, there will be some negative aspects that you must deal with whether they are big or small. But most of us know that power (the electricity) that fuels us in life comes from a combination of positive and negative energy that comes together to form the spark that ignites and gives the electricity that gets us going in solving situations in our lives. The negative aspects we experience in life may anger us or create situations that may seem difficult for some people to overcome, while the positive aspects and attitudes we adopt makes us remember our goals and dreams in life. After assessing your own thoughts, feelings, and goals, it is necessary to assess the forces outside of your own mind to determine whether they are helping or hurting you in reaching your goals. For example, if the favorite Gossip Gal at the office is saying negative things about other people, is she saying things about you to other people that may crush your dreams and the efforts you have gone to in order to reach them? Sometimes you cannot change what other people do and say, but you can change your attitude about them and know exactly how much weight you should apply to their comments as far as your mental attitude is concerned. In addition, you can counter-act them in the actions you take in response to them. Just for fun, lets explore how to react to the negative comments and whispers that Gossip Gal put out there for everyone to hear. First off, if you have been paying attention to these tips, you are already getting over what can only be considered silliness on her part

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for spreading rumors. You dont need to worry about what she tells people, since you are living the life that is on the path to your dreams and accomplishment of your goals. If you never give anyone anything to gossip about, then when they gossip, there is never a worry since there is no foundation in fact to what they are saying. Second, ask people what they have heard and tell them the facts of the matter. Most often, this puts the rumors to rest, the rumor mill having heard the facts straight from the source and spreading back through the mill. Some will tell you what they have heard since they are curious about Gossip Gals facts or lack thereof and others will avoid the conversation altogether. That is just fine. You have defined who you are and what you want from life as well as determining which people you should associate with in your endeavors. It is safe to say that limited interaction with Gossip Gal is part of your current plan. Another day may come when her propensity to gossip may come in handy, but what she tells you should be taken with a grain of salt since you already know whether or not she actually got things right in telling your news to the rumor mill. There is no way around hearing a negative comment every once in awhile. They are a fact of life that in most times cannot be changed. But you dont have to build your life around people that are constantly negative in their thinking and actions. Some will constantly speak negatively of what you are trying to accomplish, creating the self-doubt you got rid of earlier. Their ridicule and negative comments can be seen in a different light at times, lending experience and some advice (taken in context with your goals and dreams) and used to your advantage. One idea is to come right out and ask what their criticisms are. However, criticism should never be taken personally, but instead should be expanded upon. Ask questions as to why the person is critical of your attitude and actions or of you in general, and listen closely to their reply for key points that may lead to positive changes in your life. In this way, you can determine whether the person is undermining your advancement, or trying (in their own somewhat shallow way) to help you. If you are, in any way, uncomfortable with the relationship due to its negativity with no enrichment to be obtained in your life, itmay be time to move on to find more positive influences in your life. But never burn the bridges with anyone that gives you criticism in what you are doing. Someday, that relationship may be valuable to you as a person as well as in meeting your goals and obtaining your dreams. Later, we will explore just how to keep those bridges strong. If the people in your life share your optimism in building bigger and better things in life, they are the people that will help you in upholding your dreams and goals. They will be the ones that are there in the days when you get discouraged or receive news that disappoints and saddens you, changing the negative perspective on life you have been fighting against into the positive thoughts and actions you need to take. In your interaction with positive influences in your professional relationships,personal friendships and family relationships, you will be able to stay on track in your motivation to obtain what you desire most in life. These people will inspire you each day in their positive actions and encouragement, lending to your arsenal of weapons against negative forces and retraining your brain to see the

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positive in everything, no matter how negative it may seem on the surface. Sometimes negative events, such as losing a job, lead to positive actions that are not apparent at first look. Remember that self-determination we were talking about? Since most people feel the need to replace the job they lost, they continue to search for something (and sometimes anything) to fill that need. In that search, it could be that they find a new niche in their lives that they are more suited to and that gives them more happiness than they had in the job they lost. The key is to not see the first job as a loss, but in seeing the opportunity to move on in your life. Changing your attitude toward what most people consider a negative and uncontrollable experience gives you an edge in turning it into a positive event in your life. You have to remember that with every positive there is a negative in life, but it isin how you handle the negative that will make a difference. Even with the most positive people in your life there will be times when even they have an off day, with their life circumstances influencing responses to you. On those days, you have to be the positive influence they have been to you, when your days were more negative. This is where the positive influences you have learned to adopt come in. Repeat back to your mentors the positive feelings and guidance that they have given to you, reinforcing what you have learned from them as well as what you learned along the way in your journey to lifes happiness. In this way each one balances the other, creating a team of support with an almost constant balance of positive energy and influences. Along with those close to you, a consideration should be made in the people that are mere acquaintances. What type of personalities are you drawn to? If they do not match the personality you have been working on to obtain your dreams and goals, some distance and infrequency in contact may be in order. For example, the guy that walks up to you in the club may be after only a free drink or idle conversation, or may actually be someone that is interested in what you have to say and may have the same goals that you have, being able to add to your repertoire of knowledge in finding your positive path to life people that are likeminded and have some of the same goals that you have will be a better choice in building a friendship that adds to your network of support. But you shouldlook for places that tend to have a crowd that usually has a bigger following of the positive people that you are looking for, in order to find acquaintances that have the same attitudes and goals that you have. On the upside of meeting by chance acquaintances is that some (no matter where you meet them) can become a part of your support network that maintains your positive outlook on life in general and the strength to reach for whatever you want out of life, whether they have the same goals or not. Sometimes, it is just their positive outlook on life in general that will continue to motivate you in your path to happiness. Or it could be that knowing that others face the same struggles you have or did have provide an influence in moving on in your lifes endeavors. In addition, they may have resources for finding people and things that contribute to your happiness in life and in keeping the positive mental attitude that you have built as well as allowing you the opportunity to influence them in a positive way.

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Think About What You WantNow that you have adjusted your attitude and outlook on life to be more positive and turn the negative into learning experiences, it is time to plan ahead. You have to decide what you really want in life. Perhaps there are some things you would like to do, such as travel to a particular country in the world, or finish a large project you started some time ago. There is nothing that is off limits in your thinking here. The sky is the limit in what you are thinking, and there is really no reason to discount any dream or goal. Never be afraid to think big, but keep in mind a timeframe in which to finish or obtain it if the dream or goal is realistic. For example, if you have certain physical disabilities, the goal of running a marathon may be out of reach for you. Keep your goals realistic, but let your dreams fly free. Lets face it, there are not too many people that are going to stand on the moon or visit another planet. That goal is very limited, but the dream can span forever. Of course, you can keep that goal in the corner of your mind, since we all know that some people do some things that to some of us seems to be impossible. The key element in this part of the process is not to limit yourself too much, but to be realistic also. Keep a hold of your dreams, but strive to achieve your goals, and make them challenging. For example, your main goal should not be to have a chocolate cake with your Sunday meal every week, but rather a goal that means something to you like buying your house, or becoming the CEO of a business. (Alright, the cake scenario can be a short-term goal, and a tasty one at that!) Think long term, and revisit your dreams from past times. Although some may seem unobtainable to others, you cannot let their attitudes influence you in your pursuit of the dreams you have held for a lifetime. Even if you never walk on the moon, it does not mean you cannot dream of doing it. A step forward is to write a list of those dreams and goals, no matter how they sound to you now. It has been said that you are your worst enemy, and sometimes this is true. Your own self-doubt makes you scratch off some of those dreams and goals, but do not be tempted to do that. Keep that list no matter what is on it. As you reach particular goals, or realize certain dreams, you can cross them off. Remember, things are only impossible if you think they are. Most of our accomplishments in life are obtained because someone told us we could not succeed and we wanted to prove them wrong. In some instances, we are able to do that, building even more self-confidence in who we are and what we can accomplish. In addition, having that list of dreams and goals is like revisiting a time capsule in that it shows you the progress you have made, and lets you refocus on some items on the list that are still important to you. As you scratch off the achievements you have already accomplished, you can continue to add new ones. Life changes like the weather does, so you should keep changing (and changing your list) also. As an example, here is another true life story. One person had decided that she could not

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pursue college due to financial reasons, so she put off an education in order to earn an income to support her. After a marriage, she was influenced by her husband to go to college after twelve years beyond her high school education. With positive influences in her life through her fellow students, her husband and family, she obtained her Associate Degree in Business Management. After another fifteen years, she returned to college for another Associate Degree in Health Information Management, showing yet again that positive influences and self-determination are key considerations in attaining different goals and dreams in life. This woman was determined to change along with the changes in her life, and scratched off not one, but two goals in her life. When asked what she wanted to do next, she replied, I plan to keep learning about people and life in general. I have found satisfaction in what I am doing now, and I am happy in doing it. What more do I really need? She is one example in many that has overcome obstacles in her life by using the techniques of building a positive attitude and staying focused on her goals and dreams. Having reached the some of the major goals in her life, so has she also found the happiness that a lot of people never find, unless they make the effort to change their attitudes and decisions we make in life. Of course, she mentioned only what she needs, and not what she wants. Thats a separate list. What we want is not always what we need. There is a difference. Indeed, she is right. In discovering what you want to achieve in life, you must first consider your needs in life. You should take note of the difference between these two definitions. You may want to walk on the moon, but do you really need to? The top of your list should be what you need in life, such as a substantial income, or a good place to raise your children versus getting a luxury car or living in a mansion. The first two demonstrate what are considered needs, while the last two demonstrate what are considered wants. But do you remember the difference between goals and dreams? Knowing the difference in all four of these terms is important in prioritizing your direction and decisions in life.

Create Your Life MapOnce you have that wonderful list of your dreams and goals, as well as your needs and wants, it is time to start building a map of where you need to be at specific times in your life. Keep in mind that these little steps are not cast in stone, but are a guideline to follow in staying on track in the tasks you need to perform to accomplish them.Pick the dream or goal that is the most important to you, and make it a title on the start of an outline of what you want to accomplish. (Oh, and please dont make it the chocolate cake for Sunday dinner.) List the small steps in getting to that goal or dream. For example, if your goal is to buy a boat or yacht for water travel, find the cost, and then list the ways that you will get the funds to purchase it. Maybe you want some amenities to make the purchase even more special. Write them down. If your goal is to write a memoir, start taking notes and write down the

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sequence of events you want to record. Envision the day that your memoirs are published, describing all of the interesting details that brought you both sadness and happiness, and the events that inspire you. In listing the big picture, you can work your way down to the small details. Of course, there is more than one way to complete this step. You have to remember that with each goal or dream you list, you are starting with short term goals that build to looking at long term results. Your map should show you the route to get there, just as when you physically travel from one destination to another. Just as there are crossroads you can take in physical travel, there are crossroads in reaching your goals. If you create your map in advance, you are more likely to stay on track in meeting your goals and pursuing your dreams. But you have to take into account the detours you may have to take in getting where you need to be in meeting your goals and reaching your dreams. For example, the woman that waited twelve years before pursuing her college education had taken a detour that took her some time in getting back to her goals. The key factor is that she had never given up on her dreams, and had set goals in order to attain them. Her life map started out fine, with finishing her high school education then maintaining her enthusiasm and determination in continuing her education. Her map did not necessarily show the detour she had to take, but in driving forward, she found her way to her destination. Some people will build their travel maps starting at their destination and track back to where they are now. Alternate routes are also taken into consideration if they are planning the smart way. For example, if you are not able to get into the particular college that is your first choice, consider others that will serve the same purpose. Or of you have a job that is not what you plan to do for the rest of your life, continue your search while building the experience you are getting in your current situation. Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for. So planning for those alternate routes gives you more options in reaching your destination. In starting from the top and working your way down, it may be hard to see the path you will need to take. But save those notes. All is not lost when you hit that mental block in drawing your path for success. Others start where they are and map a route to where they want to go from beginning to end, creating the short term goals that will get them to their long term goals, and ultimately to their destination in life. Either way is acceptable in building your map to realizing your dreams or accomplishing your goals. Use those notes in your from the top down life map to add to the from the bottom up map. Just be sure to adjust for those detours that happen along the way, like emergencies, financial downfalls or the happy occasions such as a marriage or the birth of a child. It is important to remember that you should always have a goal or a dream that you want to reach in order to give your life purpose and direction, no matter what little detours you have to take. There is no global positioning system (GPS) to guide you in lifes journey, but knowing where you are and where you want to go will help you in reaching your destination.

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Here is an example to follow in a genuine list of goals and dreams. First, the list had some sort of silly goals and dreams on it, like the chocolate cake example given earlier. However, the dreams and goals are still valid, since they are what this person wants in life. What he ranked as number one in his dreams is to visit Ireland and see some very authentic Celtic dancing and music, and visit a few of their famous pubs. (In case you dont know what Celtic dancing entails, see River Dance. They dont move their arms, but those feet and legs are amazing.)The pubs were a perk that he felt he earned, and therefore added that as part of the goal in having his ultimate dream. This is a trip and a dream of a lifetime, since he has never been outside of the USA and has always had an interest in travel. So he started his map from where he is now. First of all, he is a college student, and will graduate soon. Next, he already has job offers, and knows the potential earnings and what he can put in his savings in order to reach his dream of visiting Ireland. He set his goal for the amount he wanted to put in his savings for providing the funding for his trip. However, he is keeping in mind his cost of living in the area he has decided to reside in as well as the future costs that he may have to endure. In other words, he kept in the mind the detours he may have to take in order to get where he is going. So his first goal was in contributing to his savings before his monthly expenses. In this way, he knows that even a small amount goes into his account each time he is paid. Being determined to reach his goals for attainment of his dream, he does not ever withdraw from his savings account unless it is life or death circumstances, or losing a place to live and continuing to pursue his dream. Next, he plans for how much the trip costs at the current time in order to know what it may cost in the future. In looking ahead, he as an idea of how much he will have to save in order to reach his dream. One interest can become the best dream trip of a lifetime, experiencing different cultures and gaining learning experiences that you may never get again. But planning is required. Our guy did some planning, and in four years, he not only got his dream vacation to Ireland, but also is living in a house he loves instead of the studio apartment he started out with. He put both of those dreams on paper to keep them in front of him so that he stayed on track. In realizing those dreams and meeting those goals, he can check them off his list as accomplishments in his life. But of course, he was young and new in the dreams and goals game. He still has a lot of life to live and goals to reach. So what about the rest of us that are older, have put off our dreams and goals, and now have the empty nest syndrome that has finally prompted us to think about where we are now and allows us the time to pursue what we want out of life? In not having goals and dreams mapped out ahead of time, people in this situation are most likely scrambling to come up with a plan. However, you have to remember that it is never too late to put a plan in place. Just as with younger members of lifes demographic crowd, these tips can apply to anyone. You simply have to have the desire to change and the

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desire to reach for the goals and dreams you want to achieve. (Remember the 96 year old woman that graduated from college?) Of course, given the difference in the technologies each of us grew up, there are adjustments for those that feel that the newest technology is not for them. However, some have stayed current with these additions to our lives so we will provide several methods that are effective for most, while others are more effective for those that tend to limit their exposure to newer technology in order to maintain a balance in their lives. First, make your dreams and goals visual. Use a graphic on your computer wallpaper that shows what you want to obtain, or what you want to do. If a yacht is what your dream acquisition is, then post a picture of a yacht that is to your liking both on your computer and on your refrigerator. For all of us, refrigerator magnets were invented for a reason, so use them to attach printouts and pictures of what you desire on your refrigerator door where you see them every day. A picture clipped from a magazine is just as effective as a computer graphic or picture. Your daily glass of orange juice can start with an inspiration in striving toward what you aim to achieve in life. Make the effort to put that image on your computer wallpaper or post it in a prominent place at your desk, so you see it before signing in to your favorite social sites. At work, if you are not allowed to change settings on the computer, place a printout of your goal or dream near you so that you always have them in mind. For those of us that are more hardcopy oriented, place a reminder of your dreams or goals in several places in your home as well as the work place. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words. One caveat: If you take too long in taking the steps you need to take in reaching your goals or obtaining your dreams, those images or inspirational sayings that you hang up to see every day will be nothing more than pieces of paper that are stuck on your wall or a pleasing graphic on your computer screen. You must stay focused on what they are and what they mean. Otherwise, all of your efforts thus far will be lost.

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How to Accomplish Your Goals

You have made some great progress so far, in changing your mental attitudes and making some positive changes in your life. However, there is more to come. Life changes are not in a one or two step process but a life-long practice in constantly changing goals, dreams and attitudes that contribute to your lifes happiness. So in the interest of continuing your journey, we will discuss some more additions to your lifes happiness. So in the interest of continuing your journey, we will discuss some more additions to your arsenal of tools to achieve what you want out of life.

Develop CharismaCharisma is defined as a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty according to the Merriam Webster dictionary. This may seem like a vague definition, but in accomplishing your goals and realizing your dreams, it is the perfect definition. Charisma is a learned talent that a person gains throughout the years. That magic comes in knowing the proper words to use in getting people to pay attention to what you say. Are your words authoritative on the subject that you are speaking about, or just a bunch of fluff that no one will believe? Although it appears that some people are born with this talent, sometimes that natural talent gets them into a tight spot that gets to be a stumbling block in moving forward with their plans in life. For example, when three different people come to you asking you to do something for them, you naturally say yes in order to charm them and gain their trust and support. Then you discover that there is no way that you can complete the tasks you agreed to in the time that you have to complete them. So what options do you have? You can put off your own needs to fulfill their desires (delaying your own goals while fulfilling theirs), or you can explain that time does not allow you to complete a given task in the timeframe that a person demands of you (lending to achieving your own goals). This is where learned charisma comes in.

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The Benefit of Having CharismaBeing a leader takes some effort in changing your mental attitudes toward people as well as your environment and theirs. Understanding the people around you and the environment in which they live helps in building and refining this art. You have to be reminded that not everyone has had or does have the circumstances that you have experienced and strive to have. It is important to be reminded of what is important in your life and prioritize the efforts you make in reaching goals and achieving your dreams. Those projects that you cannot possibly finish that were mentioned earlier can be done by someone else with the same results in the end. In learning the art of charisma, not only can you find someone to complete the demands to be met, but the person that demanded them will be happy as well. If you have read materials on management practices, they usually teach you to build charisma in order to inspire your subordinates to get their work done, as well as some of yours, and even give an extra effort in order to please you. Lets explore another real-life situation. A manager has a team of five people that she manages on a daily basis, all with multiple talents that lend well to their responsibilities. Her director comes to her, giving her several projects that need to be completed within the week. On the surface, the projects appear to be easy to complete, so she tells her director that the deadline can be met. After digging into the projects, she finds that they are more than she can handle alone. Being a manager that knows a bit about charisma, she seeks out the help of the employees under her supervision, finding that (in combination) they have the talents she needs to get the job done quickly, efficiently, and accurately. Using her talents of charisma, the employees are more than happy to help her, since she is their leader, and the projects are submitted to the director on time. The director is happy, the manager is happy, and the employees have gained a new sense of self-worth at the hands of the manager. There are some points that should be discussed in the above scenario. First of all, the director used his charisma to entice the loyal manager into taking on the projects. He probably played on the reasons for why the manager should take on the projects, citing her loyalty to not only to him but also to the company she works for. (Remember the definition of charisma.) In turn, the manager used her charisma in utilizing the talents of her subordinates, reminding them that she a key in moving up in their jobs and gaining the acceptance of the director. (Again, keep that definition of charisma in mind.) So what does this mean in realizing your dreams and accomplishing your goals? The lesson here is that sometimes you cannot do it all alone. You have to be able to rely on others to help you in achieving your goals and realizing your dreams. Learning this talent is a must. Having charisma is another talent to add to your toolbox of lifes necessities.

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The Down Side of Charisma in LifeThere is another side to charisma, though. Given the definition mentioned earlier, sometimes charisma in others can be a negative influence in your life. For example, most of us have heard of cult mentality that influences people to develop self-destructive behavior or follow the crowd in doing what they are doing, whether positive or negative. Charisma is what draws people to a leader, but it is the actions of the leader that creates the behavior, with followers wanting to get into and remain in the good graces of that leader. There are more factors that contribute to the cult activities you have heard about, but the first thing to be aware of is that everyone is looking out for your well-being, but for theirs. At this point, take reference to the section on assessing your life. Although you may see positive associations with this leader, you have to keep your goals and dreams in your mind and in the forefront of the charismatic actions of someone else. Keep it in your mind that achieving your goals and experiencing your dreams is not a matter of keeping up with the neighbors but rather in showing the neighbors how to keep up with you in your life changing endeavors. Do not fall prey to someone elses charisma that drastically changes your dreams and goals, but rather learn from them in developing your own charisma.

Subtlety is KeyIs using your own charisma, it is important to be subtle. Too much sugar and honey tends to make people skeptical of your motives, as well as making them doubt your sincerity in the compliments you give them or in mentioning that you need their help in your endeavors. Charisma is not a talent to be taken lightly, since it is one that will get you far in reaching your goals if used properly. However, as in the previous exactly of the cult mentality, it can be used to influence people in a self-serving way that ends up being your ruin in lifes journey. One notable story is the cult built by Jim Jones, who founded the Peoples Temple. After collecting a large following of people, he moved them to Jonestown, Guyana, located in South America due to pressure from the American government that his charismatic endeavors in building a cult were illegal. In making that move his charisma make his followers move with him. But there is more to learn from this example. In addition to being negative, charisma can be positive in building your dreams and meeting your goals to get there. For example, most people love to hear when they do something well, look really great, or are boasted as an expert in what they do. They also love to hear a great thank you when they have done something great for you and that you really appreciate what they have done, or to know that you honestly care when things are not optimal in their lives. By giving your support, you gain their support, building a network of positive attitudes in reaching goals and

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realizing dreams. If you are sincere in your support, and not just self-serving, the charisma you impart will be more effective. Say what you mean, and mean what you say is a saying that simply imparts the adage that you should be honest in speaking to people, and then back it up in your actions. Do not do what the Jim Joness of the world do, but make your charisma a skill that is a mutual benefit you and the person or people that you use it on. In this manner, you build a bigger support system to accomplish your goals and reach for your dreams while still helping others to achieve the same. Keep in mind that your influences will affect other people and their attitudes toward you as well as exploring their own lives.

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Master the Art of Persuasion

Persuasion vs. ManipulationMost people do not think of persuasion and manipulation in changing their lives, but they are an integral part of the process. If you think about it carefully, when you were working on changing your mental attitude, you were using the art of self-persuasion in order to change your thinking habits. In addition, you manipulated your mind into making those changes. Although they are similar in nature, these processes are two different arts. You should be aware of the differences in them and how they apply to making changes in your life, as well as avoiding the pitfalls of their use by others that impact you. Therefore, some discussion is in order to clear things up.

PersuasionThe definition of persuasion is to move by argument, entreaty or expostulation to a belief, position or course of action. As most of us know, persuasion is the biggest part of any sales job, prompting people to purchase the products or services being sold. When a salesperson comes to your door, your first reaction is to be defensive, protecting yourself from the rhetoric of product or service descriptions and why you just cannot live without what is being sold. But with valid points in why the product or service is of benefit you, you find yourself digging out the credit card or signing the financing application. So how did you get to that point?

ManipulationManipulation is the practice of shrewd and devious management, especially for ones own advantage. When you put your pen to that contract to buy something, not only was the art of persuasion in use, but also manipulation. Buy now to save! Today only.! You know

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in the back of your mind that you have been manipulated, but the persuasion is what you are focused on. You have seen the benefits of the purchase you are making, so you really do not care that you have been manipulated into a contract you may regret later. So what does this have to do with your dreams and goals? Think about the above definitions for moment. When you last expressed an opinion to someone, did you tell them why you feel that way? For instance (and this always a hot social subject), in lending your support to a particular political affiliation or candidate, you probably mentioned key points in the politicians platform or the piece of legislation that interested you. Candidate A can do such-and-such, while Candidate B is opposed to it. This legislation will provide for this and that, while leaving out this and that. This is the art of persuasion. In showing benefits versus negative factors, you sway the opinion of your audience, be it a one-on-one conversation or a crowd of thousands. In attaching this concept to obtaining your goals and dreams, persuasion may be necessary to keep things within your control. It could be that you need a raise in pay at your job, or that you want to pay less for something you have dreamed of owning. No matter what the reason is, learning the art of effective persuasion is yet another tool in your toolbox of life skills. Lets move on to the art of manipulation. With the skill of persuasion, you have swayed the thoughts and opinions of the person or people that you have presented your ideas to. So, in order to benefit from that great art of persuasion, you have to get the person or people to take the action that you desire. For example, in getting that raise at your job you may say that Project A will be done within a shorter window than the one originally proposed. (Go back to Develop Charisma on the guidelines in taking this step!) Perhaps your boss has a project that he or she wants completed that is within your area of expertise. The power of bargaining is part of manipulation in the fact that you basically give the person or people the snooze you lose part of your presentation. If you are able to take on the project, tell the boss that you will do it one condition that you can receive the raise you deserve. Keep in mind that the worst scenario is that he or she says no, and the best is that the answer is yes. If you get that yes answer, you are one step closer to goals and dreams that are financially motivated, like a major purchase or extensive travel. Even your retirement account can benefit from using these techniques.

How These Skills Affect YouBut there is a downside to both persuasion and manipulation. As hinted in the subject of charisma, all three of these skills are bedfellows in not only positive actions, but also in negative actions. Remember that cult mentality mentioned earlier? It is not only charisma that influences the members of a cult. If the leader simply said come join me, and you did, you probably would not stay long if you do not see a benefit in it. So the cult leader, along

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with the charisma that got you there in the first place, uses his or her skill of persuasion to keep you there for the benefits. But there is more to the story. You have decided to stay, so the leader, through the power of manipulation, makes you takes certain actions that you otherwise would not do. There are some extreme examples in history that prove that these skills and powers can be as dangerous as they are useful. Using the Jim Jones example outlined earlier, the United Stated determined that what he was doing was hold people against their will in that he had brain-washed them through the use of charisma and persuasion. But he did not stop there. Once he moved his flock to Jonestown (self-named) Guyana, he manipulated 908 to take their own lives by taking cyanide. Well, he did not convince the 303 children that died, but their parents did, being under the influence of the manipulation that Jim Jones gave them. This is just one example of negative charisma, persuasion, and manipulation that you need to watch out for in your lifes journey. Now imagine if you found a prominent leader that influences you in a positive way, like having achieved the same goals and realized the same dreams that you want to. With his or her charisma, your interest is peaked so that you want to learn more. The power of persuasion comes into play, prompting you to continue to follow this leader. Then the leader does what most do prompt you into action. The same action that got this leader where he or she is today is now part of your map to your destination, giving more inspiration and direction to get around those round blocks in your path. In opposition to the people like Jim Jones, a positive leader (for example President John Kennedy) is a positive influence that uses those skills and talents to help others.

The Two-Fold AdvantageHaving explored these skills, well explore the reasons why they are so important to have and to improve on at every chance. Charisma, persuasion and manipulation all have both positive and negative aspects to them, as given in the above examples. If you acquire these skills, and continue to build on them, you can protect yourself from negative influences (such the cult mentality) in being able to recognize the nature of the tactics used and keep yourself on track in achieving the goals and realizing the dreams and achieving the goals that you want in your life. This is just one more way to stay on the path to success in everything your desire. (Refer back to Create You Life Map for a review of keeping your blinders on and moving forward.) These skills are not just for the snake oil salesman that floats through your town, but for your long-term success in life. In addition, using this all-in-one package of life skills increases the benefits of the positive things in your life, from sleeping well at night and waking up refreshed to getting that raise at your job. And beyond those short-term

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goals and accomplishments, these skills will keep you motivated and add to your success in navigating through the crossroads in life that come up as you strive to reach your long term goals and finally having the dreams you have been wishing for.They are difficult to learn, but they take practice to be effective. For example, read the scripting that companies use in training their sales people. Depending on the charisma of the salesperson, the persuasion and manipulation in those scripts is what gets you to buy those products and services. You can take the same example from them, but instead you should develop your own sales script in selling yourself, your goals, and your dreams in order to improve your life.

How to Improve Your LifeIf you have been paying attention to the guidance provided and the tips to achieve them so far, you are already on your way to improving your life in the fact that you have been able to change your attitudes and actions to reflect more positive life skills and actions and eliminate the negative events that do not contribute to your earning experiences or your forward movement in your lifes happiness. But as you know, there is always more to learn, and your life education will continue throughout your years, with your life map changing constantly as time goes on. After all, the physical roads you travel change over time, so why not the roads you travel in your quest for happiness in life? It is imperative that you continue to change and update your roadmap and landmarks that are reached in your life as well as adding the ones you have yet to reach. In this way, you are able to inspire yourself to achieve greater things.

Achieve Freedom from Self-SabotageWe have discussed this term already, but as a reminder, self-sabotage is the thoughts and behaviors that prevent you from achieving what you want to achieve and instead take you to a lower level of thinking that negates the goals and dreams that you would normally pursue. After following all of these tips and steps you should already be on your way to finding that freedom to enjoying lifes pleasures, having found a more positive use of your energy and given yourself a more positive attitude in the things you do each day. But there are other steps to take in order to be successful in this endeavor. Just as a small child learns to walk and later on learns to run, you have to start with the basics in this quest and work your way up. Throughout life, people learn different skills and gain experience in many different areas of life, from what is required in a work environment to the necessities of maintaining personal relationships. For example, Robert Fulghum published an essay entitled, All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten, which basically states that a person can add to their

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success by following some very simple rules. His words have been duplicated all over the internet and in hardcopy as being a guideline in creating a balance in your life, and getting rid of the self-sabotaging attitudes we build. Some people build their own self-sabotage due to making excuses why what they are doing, or not doing, is the appropriate action. Remember the comment earlier about burning bridges? Well explore that now. First of all, some acquaintances and even your best friend can get in the way of what you want to achieve in life, making it necessary to change your interaction with them. Although there are negative factors in staying in touch with them, burning that bridge is not advisable. There is no need to cut off the interactions you have, even if some seem negative on the surface. There is an essay that has become quite famous entitled Anything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten that gives an outline of some basic skills that we all learn as children, but also apply to our adult lives. For example, in Robert Fulghamss words (the author of that essay), When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.There are two ideas here to take note of. Watch traffic means that you should watch out for those negative influences that hold you back, and do not let them make your decisions for you. The more control you have over your life decisions, the better able you are to move forward. Secondly, hold hands and stick together means that you should not let go of all of the influences in your life, whether negative or positive. Sometimes those influences change places, with a positive influence taking a negative path, and a negative influence finding their way to a positive path. If you discount either one of them, you may be sabotaging your own efforts in emotional and mental growth. In addition, you may miss the life lessons that each of them can provide in their own ways, giving you a perspective in lifes lessons and the ways that you can use them to change your life as well as the lives of others. Learn to let go of your anger over past events. These emotions can prevent you from moving on into the future, and can sabotage your emotional growth in being positive and driven toward your goals. The tendency of most people is to tell themselves that they will never take the same chance twice, since they got hurt the first time or suffered long enduring financial consequences of the actions of others. However, if you have filled your life with the positive influences that were discussed earlier, you will not suffer the same fate as in the event that caused your anger in the first place. The key is to put those events in your past, having learned some lessons and seeing benefit in having experienced them in order to contribute to your emotional and mental growth. These lessons should have been, and are, a part of retraining your brain to a positive way of using that information. By this time, your mentality should have grown to the point where the occurrences leading up to the event in question will not happen again, since you have trained your brain to make better decisions and to take note of potential negative influences that may creep back into your life due to past experiences. In addition, you will have built a network of positive support that will keep

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you moving toward your goals despite any events that tend to cause feelings of anger or disappointment and help you to combat the reoccurrence of those negative and selfsabotaging emotions. You also have to remember that failure is a part of life. It is a simple fact of life that will not change. But, as discussed earlier, you have to determine what your definition of failure is. Just as there is a definition of success that is relative to each person, there is also a definition of failure for each of us. For instance, if you are unable to turn in a report on time at your work, have you failed in your job? Not necessarily. Think back to the skills of charisma, persuasion, and manipulation. Your boss will not be so disappointed if you present your case effectively, bringing forth the fact that the request may have been unreasonable and perhaps the deadline was unreachable. In addition, you have the reports in your hand as a way to manipulate the boss into seeing things your way. Even though you may be a day late in turning in your report, your boss may be impressed with your skills in presenting the information he or she is looking for as well as being persuaded by your presentation of the reasons why the report is late. The lesson here is not to beat yourself up over small stumbling blocks and start calling them failures, but to use your life skills in getting through those stumbling blocks. Again, it is not the event itself that determines your emotions that you feel are failures in your life, but your reaction to them instead. In showing your boss the quality of your work, even though you were unable to meet his or her deadline, you have turned what you may have considered a failure into another success, beating the self-sabotaging behavior that will have set you back to your original mindset.

Finding Happiness by Achieving Your GoalsAre you still adding to your list of dreams and goals? Or crossing off some of the ones that you have achieved already? With this being an ongoing process, it is important to stay current with that list, constantly adding and crossing off items on it. It is of utmost importance to do so. If you do not have that list created and being updated on a regular basis, you are missing the whole point of this book. The point is in creating personal change and growth, and if the effort is not put forth, anything you read here will have been a wasted effort. That being said let us revisit some major points. Perhaps you may even want to go back to different sections of this book and review the examples given. It should be mentioned that there is no book or spoken advice that can get you to change and enrich your life if you do not have the desire to do it in the first place. However, the fact that you have read this far in this book tells you what this book is intended for that you want to make the changes in your life, and find happiness by reaching your goals. However, if you did not feel the need to write down your goals and dreams, you should start now. Otherwise,

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all of the advice and techniques given here will not help you in achieving what you want out of life. It takes your personal effort, and not these words, to reach where you want to be in life.

Why Goals are ImportantIf a person has no goals, they have no direction in life. As discussed ea