life reconstruction overcoming bitterness and resentment one thought at a time
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Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time. Beth. Jamie. Daniel. Heather. David. Pastor Doug Carbondale. Mayor Ray Nagin New Orleans. Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time. - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and Resentmentone thought at a time
DanielJamie
David
Heather
Beth
Mayor Ray NaginNew Orleans
Pastor DougCarbondale
Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and Resentmentone thought at a time
Life ReconstructionOne thought at a time
• “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2
• “and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10:5-6
stimulus
issue
perception
thoughts
feelings
talk, behavior
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
A
E
F
D
Dmind movies replays of incident
(B ) C
Original offense 9 unitshurt
x per replay 12 units rage, indignation 24 x 12 + 9 = 297x per replay 15 units malice, revenge 24 x 15 + 297 = 657x per replay 20 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x 20 + 657 = 1137
Significance
resistance AngerNo one gets in my way!
Fear “She’s so stupid”“She can’t treat me that way!”
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful, revengeful
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
The Pits!!
stimulus
issue
perception
thoughts
feelings
talk, behavior
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
A
E
F
D
Dmind movies replays of incident
(B ) C
Original offense 9 unitshurt
x per replay 12 units rage, indignation 24 x 12 + 9 = 297x per replay 15 units malice, revenge 24 x 15 + 297 = 657x per replay 20 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x 20 + 657 = 1137
Self-worth
Not invited AngerI’m being rejected!
Fear “That dirty so and so”“They can’t treat me that way!”
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentfulrevengeful
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
The Pits!!
Activating event
Perception Feelings Behavior
A B C D
Experienced Neglect
Rejection
Subconscious Message
I’m worthless unlovable
Not invited To party
Hurt Irritated
IncensedSelf-pity
Bummed
Avoid,Snub friendComplainGossip
People don’tLike me.
Something isWrong with me.They’re mean.
Activating event
Perception Feelings Behavior
A B C D
Experienced Neglect
Rejection
Subconscious Message
My worth is in Christ, I am beloved!
Not invited To party
HurtPuzzled
No big deal Peaceful
GraciousEngaging
Ask about it
They’re havinga party.I wasn’t Invited.
People don’tLike me.
Something isWrong with me.They’re mean.
Activating event
Perception Feelings Behavior
A B C D
Experienced Neglect
Rejection
Subconscious Message
I’m worthless unlovable
Not invited To party
Hurt Irritated
IncensedSelf-pity
Bummed
Avoid,Snub friendComplainGossip
People don’tLike me.
Something isWrong with me.They’re mean.
Activating event
Perception Feelings Behavior
A B C D
Experienced Neglect
Rejection
Subconscious Message
My worth is in Christ, I am beloved!
Not invited To party
HurtPuzzled
No big deal Peaceful
GraciousEngaging
Ask about it
They’re havinga party.I wasn’t Invited.
A life transforming relationship with Jesus provides your four basic needs:1. Love2. Worth3. Security 4. Significance
stimulus
issue
perception
thoughts
feelings
talk, behavior
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
A
E
F
D
Dmind movies replays of incident
(B ) C
Original offense 9 unitshurt
x per replay 9 units rage, indignation 24 x 9 + 9 = 216x per replay 12 units malice, revenge 24 x 12 + 216 = 504x per replay 15 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x 15 + 504 = 864
Self-worth
Not invited AngerI’m being rejected!
Fear “That dirty so and so”“They can’t treat me that way!”
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
The Pits!!
Bitter Grudge
Ephesians 4:31-32
• Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
• Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Antidote to Bitterness: Forgiveness• Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how
many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:21-22
• The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!“ Luke 17:3-5
Antidote to Bitterness: Forgiveness• Forgiveness originates with God• Is a judicial operation, not emotional• Means you take the pain and pay the debt• Doesn’t necessitate interaction with offender• Doesn’t expose you to further mistreatment by
offender• Gives best chance to confront offender effectively
and sensitively. • Releases the person from any penalty owed to you
only, not to God or others offended.
stimulus
issue
perception
thoughts
feelings
talk, behavior
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
A
E
F
D
D
(B ) Cthoughts
feelings
talk, behavior
E
D
F
mind movies
D
Significance
Resistance
“That dirty so and so”“They can’t treat me that way!”
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
PeaceSignificance
Security
mind movies replays of incident
AngerNo one gets in my way!
Fear
Reconciliation
Regret, Peace, Love
I forgive . . .
Refuse to replay incident
What’s going on here?
prayer
God show me . . .
stimulus
issue
perception
thoughts
feelings
talk, behavior
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
A
E
F
D
D
(B ) Cthoughts
feelings
talk, behavior
E
D
F
mind movies
D
Self-worth
Not invited
“That dirty so and so”“They can’t treat me that way!”
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
PeaceWorth
Security
mind movies replays of incident
I wasn’t invited Anger
I’m being rejected!
Fear
Friendly
Peaceful, secure
I forgive . . .
Refuse to replay
prayer
God show me . . .
What to expect when you forgive:
• You may not feel like you have forgiven.• Expect to still feel hurt and pain.
– Take that pain to God for consolation.– Seek to understand situation from offender’s point of
view. – Analyze incident for personal responsibility.
• Expect to experience inner resistance to forgiving.
• Expect a flood of replays of the incident. • Expect excuses not to forgive.
Ultimate Purpose: His Glory!
• Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.
• Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.
• Romans 12:1-2
Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and Resentmentone thought at a time