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LET THERE BE
FACEBOOKStatus Updates from God, Gaga, and Everyone in Between
AN UNAUTHORIZED PARODY
Travis Harmon
& Jonathan Shockley
A TOUCHSTONE BOOK
Publhed by Simon & Schter
New York London Toronto Sydney New Delhi
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This work is an unauthorized parody and is not endorsed by Facebook, Inc.
TouchstoneA Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
Copyright 2011 by Travis Harmon and Jonathan Shockley
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions
thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address
Touchstone Subsidiary Rights Department,
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.
First Touchstone trade paperback edition November 2011
TOUCHSTONE and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
For information about special discounts for bulk purchases,
please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949
The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event.For more information or to book an event contact
the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049
or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.
Designed by Ruth Lee-Mui
Photo credits appear on pages 14748.
Manufactured in the United States of America
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
ISBN 978-1-4516-5943-6
ISBN 978-1-4516-5945-0 (ebook)
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LET THERE BE FACEBOOK 1
God
God
Let there be light.
Big Bang OK sure thing.
GodThis is good.
Big Bang I guess, if you think the universe
expanding rapidly is good, yeah, sure.
God
Let there be a rmament in the midst of the waters,
and let it separate the waters from the waters.
Big Bang Dude, the universe is just
cooling, which leads to expansion.
God
And it is so.
Big Bang Duh.
God
Let the earth put forth vegetation, plants yielding
seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which there is
seed, each according to its kind, upon the earth.
Big Bang Whoa! Slow up, man. We got a
few billion years to go! Lets not rush this
shizz.
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2 TRAVIS HARMON& JONATHAN SHOCKLEY
God
Let there be lights in the rmament of the heavens to separate the
day from the night, and let them be signs for seasons and for days
and years, and let the lights in the rmament of the heavens give light
upon the earth.
Big Bang Lights in the rmament of the heavens? You mean
the collapsing molecular clouds that will eventually become
stars? Have you ever even read a book?
God Listen, Poindexter, nobody likes a know-it-all. Im trying
to make something here and youre ruining it for everybody.
Big Bang Im just doing my thing.
God Do your thing, bro, but lose the attitude.
Big Bang Youre the one taking credit for someone elses
work over here.
God Thats blasphemy, chief. Youre cruising for a smiting.
Big Bang You cant smite a theory.
God Forget this. Im gonna make some people.
Big Bang See, youre all Im gonna make this when its the
scientic processes that started with me that will result in the
birth of humankind.
God Whatever. Im the one that gets to mess with em.
God is now friends with Adam.
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LET THERE BE FACEBOOK 3
Adam
God
Sup, big guy?
Adam Just chillin. Enjoying some peace
and quiet. Hey, thanks again for making
me.
GodNP, dude. Lil worried tho, bro. You got
to get out of the house.
Adam A house is what now?
God
You know what you need?
Adam Nothin. Im good.
God A woman.
Adam A woman is what now?
God
Little action would x you right up.
Adam Srsly, brah, Im tip-top. Just got
made. Hanging out in the garden with all
the nargs and littlenargs.
God Those are trees and bushes.
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4 TRAVIS HARMON& JONATHAN SHOCKLEY
Adam Are you not keeping the names I came up with? I
spent a lot of time on those.
GodTonight when youre asleep Im going to make you a little friend out of
your rib.
Adam Uh . . . that doesnt even make sense.
God You can thank me later.
Adam For a rib monster?
Adam became friends with Eve using the Only Other Person on Earth
Finder.
Adam is in a relationship with Eve.
God
You guys are going to have a blast. Just as long as you dont, um . . .
let me pick something arbitrarily here . . . dont eat this certain fruit.
Adam A fruit is what now?
God Formerly known as nargbuttons.
Adam I SPENT A LOT OF TIME COMING UP WITH THOSE
NAMES!
Eve invited Adam to a Fruit-Eating Party.
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LET THERE BE FACEBOOK 5
Fruit-Eating PartyAdam was invited by Eve
When The Birth of Shame
Where Tree of Knowledge
Creators Eve, Serpent
Info Bring your appetite! And something to cover up
your lthy, lthy body.
Eve posted a pic.
Best thing Ive ever tasted. Sweet, juicy, plus I am so aware
of my naked vagina right now.
Serpent Toldja!
Adam Are you having an affair with that
snake?
Eve GTFO. Hes totally gay.
Serpent Everybody says that. I think itsbecause I got nice legs.
Adam is attending Fruit-Eating Party.
Will Be
There
Eve
Serpent
Adam
Sexist
Overtones
Might Be
There
Wrath of
God
Animals
Who
Suddenly
Want to Eat
Each Other
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6 TRAVIS HARMON& JONATHAN SHOCKLEY
Adam
Why didnt anybody tell me you could totally see my dick?
Eve You mean penis?
Adam Im sticking to my guns on this one.
God is attending Fruit-Eating Party.
God
Nice g leaves, a-holes. I can still see your junk.
Adam Dang.
Eve FML.
God
You cant even follow one capricious rule? If you arent going to stay
stupid, then youll have to work yourselves to death and painfully crap
out babies.
Adam FML.
Eve Dang.
Serpent Sucks to be you. LOL
God And gimme those legs!
Serpent But what am I going to do with all these shoes?
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LET THERE BE FACEBOOK 7
Abraham
God
Hey, you busy?
Abraham Sup.
GodKill your kid.
Abraham WTF?
God Do it.
Abraham And I would want to kill my kid
why?
God Cause I said so.
Abraham Cant argue with that logic.
God LOL, srsly, kill him.
Abraham JK Ill kill him.
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8 TRAVIS HARMON& JONATHAN SHOCKLEY
God Kill him good.
Abraham I wouldnt do this for anybody else!
God Actions, not words.
Abraham Should I bash his little head in with a rock?
God Nah, jes stab him, then burn him up.
Abraham OK, but you owe me.
God I see a lot of Facebook-postin but no Isaac-killin.
Abraham
OK, my sons all tied up to the rewood. Gonna stab him and then set
him on re. Wish me luck!!
Angel Hold up, dude, Gods totally messing with you.
Abraham You ass.
God LOL
Angel LOL, hilarious you were totally going to do it.
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LET THERE BE FACEBOOK 9
God Father of the year over here.
Abraham ROFL You guys!
Angel Fathers Dayll be slim pickins at your house.
Abraham LOL You guys are evil.
God Hey, watch it.
Abraham Sorry.
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