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People today are so busy andmulti-tasking seems prevalent tomany of the working parents.Even sitting in the MTR or the buscan be a chance to call yourchildren for school, read a reportfor work or take a nap. Whenworking parents are busy with themillions of details of daily life, theyare looking for the expedientsolution, particularly, on parentingissues. Often they do the job forthe children because they cando it with less hassle, but thisoften results in children feelingoverpowered and unimportant.One way to help them feelpowerful and valuable is focuson building positive relationshipwith them. Strong relationship cango a long way toward helpingchildren learn to cooperate andbe responsible.

When the issue of relationshipbuilding is brought up, one of theconcerns that is often raised bythe working parents is the lack oftime that they spend with theirchildren. Working parents needto keep in mind that it is notthe amount of time they spendwith their child, but the quality ofthe interaction in the time spenttogether. A parent who spendsa half an hour a day, reading orplaying with a young child, or

talking withor playinga game withan older child is providing qualityparenting time. Therefore, familyactivities that involve talking,sharing and playing are qualityparenting.

Assertive-democratic parenting is,perhaps, considered the best andappropr iate parent ing sty lefor today's working parentswho usually take on the dualful l- t ime roles in the family.C h i l d r e n l e a r n i n g t o t a k eresponsibility and be cooperativeare high priority. Children ofworking parents often learn tobe more i ndependen t andself-sufficient, if they are a part ofthe decision-making processof how the family will accomplishall the necessary tasks, whichneed to be done to keep a familyfunctioning smoothly. From thisprocess, children learn how to beresponsible for their commitments;and how to cooperate and functionas a team to accomplish tasks.

Another positive outgrowth of bothparents working is the increasedinvolvement of fathers in parentingrole. Fathers now do enjoythe close relationship with children,as they are caring for and being

involved intheir children's development frominfancy to adulthood. This builds aposi t ive support system forboth spouses and fosters thefeeling of togetherness.

Working families also need tobuild support system of "substituteparent." When neither parentcan leave work to support achi ld 's need, these supportindividuals can substitute. Toengage the "substitute parent" orch i ld careg iver to prac t iceconsistent parenting is necessaryto make parents' job easier.Therefore, developing a rapportwith your caregiver is essential.Though parents are payingfor a service, but childcare ismuch more than a businessrelationship. After all, this personis watching your child, so youwant your relationship to be thebest it can be.

Think long term, keep in mind thatraising a child is a process. Today,it may take some valuable timeof yours to do the groundwork,but you will see it pay off in thelong run.

Parenting that Works forWorking ParentsParenting that Works forWorking Parents

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Published by Employee Development Service,Hong Kong Christian Service,33, Granville Road, Kowloon, Hong Kong SAR, China.Tel : (852) 2731-6350Fax : (852) 2724-3655E-mail : edsinfo@hkcs.orgWebsite : http://eds.hkcs.orgEditorial : Ng Shui Lai, Doris Fong, Isabella Chan, Thomas Lee, Karen Lam, Carmen Ng, Diane Huang

Copyright 2001 Hong Kong Christian ServiceNo reproduction of all or part of this publication ispermitted without written authorization.All rights reserved.

c

Raising a child is not an easy task at all.It definitely triggers many sweet andbitter memories of every parent.Nothing feels better than watching yourchild grow day by day. However, as timegoes by, there comes a point when youhave to perform your parenting; and yourchild refuses to cooperate. Isn't itmiserable to remind your children of thedo's and the don'ts everyday? Forinstance, parents often have to maketheir children to put away their toys afterplaying; to stop them from watching TVwhile doing their homework; to remindthem to bring their crayons to school;and to make sure they have theirunderwear changed everyday, etc..These repetitive nagging not only wearsparents out, but also induces frustrationof parenthood. This also results intochildren feeling resentment against theirparents; and the parent-child relationshipis doomed to damage.

In order to engage your child tocooperate, we'd like to share with yousome tips that have been helpful to theparents. You may want to integrate theminto your way of parenting and makeyour parenting more effective:

1. Always communicate beforehand Firstly, describe the nature of the

problem. Closely observe and listento your child's reaction and give him/her a chance to tell himself/herselfwhat to do. Provide the child withsome guidance and supports,otherwise. For example: "Johnny, thewater in the bath tub is getting closeto the top."

2. Accept the child's uniqueness andpeculiarityNo two persons are identical in thisworld. People's predisposition varies inmany different ways and so do thechildren. There are children who havedifficulty following new instructions;and there are children who can hardlytolerate being a failure. As parents tryhard but fail to get their child to behavein ways that are acceptable to themand to society, this brings in tears to thechild who comes to feel hurt andfrustrated. Children dislike lectures,sermons, and long explanations.For them, the shorter the reminder,in fact, is the better. For example:"Jamie, your crayons." Sometimesnothing we say is as effective as thewritten word; therefore, writing a noteto the child can be a trick to get yourchild cooperate with you. Bear in mindthat your child is unique and special;therefore, your parenting should bet a i l o r - m a d e t o s u i t h i s / h e rcharacteristics.

3. Encourage your child with praisesA simple appreciative look or aword of compliment can serve agreat motivational force to a childto overcome obstacles, and tocreate a c l imate of respect inwhich the spir i t of cooperat ioncan begin to grow. For example:"Thank you for remembering toget your underwear washed."

4. Be your child's role modelChildren are fast-learners. Parentsneed to watch thei r behaviorsand words cons tan t l y . I f youexpect your child to be punctual,parents need to act punctually. Ifyou expect your child to be neatand tidy, parents get to do it first.To keep your words and be goodmodels to your children are the keysto success in getting your childrento cooperate with you.

How to Engage Your Childto Cooperate?

How to Engage Your Child

edsnews.com

In the recent months, Employee Development Service has organised seminars for manyorganisations to help their staff to manage issues related to parenting, such as how toenhance communication with their children. Organisations which are interested in organisingsimilar activities are welcome to contact us at 2731 6352 for further discussion.

In order to enhance your understanding of our service and our latest development, we haverevamped our website to provide clearer structure and contents on the range of services weoffered to various organisations. For further details, please log onto our new website.

http://eds.hkcs.org

Furthermore, in striving to improve our service, we will be launching a comprehensive ca-reer planning service soon. It will be covered in greater details in the next issue of Leap.Don't miss it!