leadership academy session 3 - 2016 - gabrielle...

Leadership AcademyWelcome!

March 2016

Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

Ground Rules

1. Turn any cell phones or anything else thatmakes sound to the off or silent position.

2. Be on time including from breaks.3. Listen actively.4. Keep an open mind.5. Be respectful to everyone; don’t interrupt.6. If you break any rules, you sing.

Updates

• Anything new to share?• Any positive changes as a result of last

month’s session?• Has anyone reached out to your mentor

yet? First meeting planned?

Agenda

Tuesday 22 March 20161230 Working Lunch, Ground Rules, Objectives, Updates

1300 Servant LeadershipHistory, ComponentsAssessmentQualitiesPoem

1400 Emotional IntelligenceAssessmentActivity and ApplicationAction Plan

1545 Leadership Academy Mentoring and CoachingDiscussionDemonstration

1630 Adjourn

Robert K. Greenleaf

Greenleaf Philosophy

"The servant-leader is servant first... Becoming aservant-leader begins with the natural feeling that onewants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choicebrings one to aspire to lead. That person is sharplydifferent from one who is leader first... The differencemanifests itself in the care taken by the servant first tomake sure that other people's highest priority needsare being served. The best test, and the most difficultto administer, is this: Do those served grow aspersons? Do they, while being served, becomehealthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likelythemselves to become servants?"

Key Elements

• Listening• Empathy• Healing• Awareness• Persuasion• Conceptualization• Foresight• Stewardship

• Commitment toGrowth of People

• Building Community• Collaboration• Influence• Trust• Humility• Authenticity• Accountability

Servant Leadership

Answer the self-assessment.

Scoring

• Add up the number of boxes you selected. 0-7: You might want to hone your skills more

to become a servant leader. 8-13: You have great potential to be a servant

leader. 13-16: Congratulations! You are a servant

leader, though there is always opportunity forimprovement.

Servant Leadership Poem

• Each person will read a line from thepoem.

Plugged In Leadership

Find a mentor; be a mentor!

Key Elements

• Reflection• Integrity• Passion

Servant Leadership

Sipe, James W. and Frick, Don M. (2009)

Emotional Intelligence

• Servant leaders have high levels of EI.• 55% of Americans are not familiar with EI.• 48% are not familiar with the negative effect

that stress has on EI.• EI has been scientifically proven to be a

greater predictor of success in the workplacethan IQ.

What does it mean?

Definition of EI

Emotional intelligence is the capacity forrecognizing our own feelings and those ofothers, for motivating ourselves and others,and for managing our own emotions as wellas influencing others.

History of EI

• Roots with Darwin in early 1900s• Social Intelligence- Thorndike 1920s• Influence of non-intellectual factors on

intelligent behavior- Wechsler 1940• Multiple Intelligences- Gardner 1975• Reuven Bar-On first used the term

“emotional quotient” in 1985• EI- Wayne Payne’s dissertation 1985

Study That Initiated EI

• 1960s: 4-year-olds and marshmallows.• Researcher told kids not to touch the

marshmallows then left the room.• Concluded that those who delayed

gratification had higher EIs.• Study followed kids to high school.• Surveyed teachers, parents, and others.• When kids took SATs, those who held out

had 210 point average higher score.

Research on EI

• 2007 study showed correlation between EIand use of tobacco and marijuana.

• Those who started smoking at a young ageand who regularly smoked had lower scoresin emotional self-regulation.

• Conclusion: people who have strong EI andwho clearly comprehend their emotionsconsume less tobacco and marijuana thanthose with low EI.

Research on EI

•According to a poll (Nov. 2007), stress hasa detrimental impact on our EI and this canspell professional problems for workingAmericans.

•A strong EI can help build positiverelationships and improve performance-ideal for workplace success.

Commercialization of EI

• Goleman is known for generating interestfrom the business world in EI.

• In 1995 his best selling book expandedSalovey and Mayer’s definition of EI toinclude the ability to motivate oneself.

• Time Magazine- 1995 article “The EQ Factor:New brain research suggests that emotions,not IQ, may be the true measure of humanintelligence”

EI Misconceptions

• EI is NOT:• Being nice all the time• “Getting emotional”, “being soft”, or

touchy-feely• Denying or stuffing your emotions,

“sucking it up”• The solution to all problems

Emotional Intelligence

EI is :• Being honest• Being aware of your feelings and other

people’s feelings• Being smart with your emotions• The ability to understand and use the

power of our emotions wisely• Maintaining poise under pressure*

Summary of EI Research

• People with high EI are happier, healthier, andmore successful in their relationships.

• People with EI have:– Balance between logic and emotions– Awareness of their own feelings– Healthy self-confidence– Empathy and compassion for others

Summary of EI Research

• Everyone has different levels of EI.• The way we express and use our emotions

can be controlled.• Feelings affect our physical health.• Emotions are contagious.• Unlike IQ, EI can be significantly raised.

EI Self-Assessment

Scoring the AssessmentInstructions:

1. Add numbers in each row and place the resultsin the boxes at the right.

2. Compare your results to see how well youscored!

EI Value and Benefits

• EI is more than 85% of what enables peopleto develop into great leaders.

• EI skills allow people to think clearly underpressure

• For performance, EI is 2x as important astechnical and cognitive skills combined.

• People with high EI don’t let emotions get inthe way of solving problems and positivelyimpact everyone they contact.

EI Value and Benefits

• Developing EI skills minimizes time wastedon turf wars or arguing.

• People with high EI are able to calm theirminds quickly, opening the way for insightand creative ideas.

• People with high EI choose productivebehaviors.

• Improved personal productivity and improvedstaff performance means people leave workat a reasonable time.

5 Competencies of EI

1. Self-awareness2. Self-regulation3. Motivation4. Empathy5. Effective relationships aka social skills

1. Self-Awareness

People with high self-awareness:

• Interact easily with others• Don’t stress over making decisions• Accurately assesses themselves, others, and

situations• Are open• Are quietly self-confident

Self-Awareness Activity

Increase Self-Awareness

• Spend 15 minutes daily on self-reflection.• Know where in the body stress is held.• Keep a journal of emotions and triggers.• Ask for feedback; be open to what you hear.• Find opportunities to improve self-confidence.• Pause before reacting to a tense situation.

2. Self-Regulation

People with high self-regulation:• Foster a climate of trust & fairness• Surround themselves with talented people• Focus on issues and not on politics• Are role models and mentors for others• Adapt quickly• Build lasting relationships

Avoiding Emotional Highjacking

• Take charge of your thoughts• Identify and manage emotional shifts• Take control of behavioral patterns

Increase Self-Regulation

• Buy time• Avoid generalizations, assumptions• Develop constructive inner dialogues• Derail counterproductive behavior• Use humor• Find balance

3. Motivation

People with high levels of self-motivation:• Initiate improvements in their jobs• Succeed at difficult assignments• Are less likely to quit their job• Motivate others personally and

professionally• Attract others with the same values

Motivation Activity

Sources of Motivation

• Yourself• Support System• Environment• Mentor

Increase Motivation

• Using motivational self-statements(affirmations)

• Using positive mental imagery(visualizations)

• Give yourself opportunities for success• Find an emotional mentor

4. Empathy

People with high levels of empathy:• Keep people in the loop• Promote collaboration and teamwork• Develop others to their full potential• Achieve high performance

Increase Empathy

• Assume people have the best of intentions.• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.• Remember that you always learn more from

listening than from speaking.• Identify with the other person by reflecting

on an experience you’ve had that produceda similar emotion in you.

Empathetic Listening Habits

• Listen for ideas and emotions• Listen for what is not being said• Control your emotional reactions• Avoid prejudgments and distractions• Use open-ended questions for active

listening

Empathetic Driving!

5. Effective Relationshipsaka Social Skills

People with effective relationships:• Have a wide circle of colleagues and

friends, and multiple circles• Find common ground among differing views,

often mediating others• Effectively lead teams• Are successful in managing change

Improve Relationships

• Expand your circles of social networks• Get to know people who are seemingly

different than you• Think outside your comfort zone• Ask for feedback from people you have had

disagreements with

Promoting EI in Others

1. Keep your emotional perspective2. Help others maintain emotional balance3. Be a supportive listener4. Set expectations

Keep Your Emotional Perspective

• Anticipate the other person’s emotionalstate

• Pay attention to cues in the other person’sbehavior

• Use instructive statements• Use relaxation techniques

Help Others MaintainEmotional Balance

• Use slow-down techniques• Redirect the conversation• Listen

EI Tips

Reasons to work on EI/EQ

One View of Conflict

Conflict is inevitable, butcombat is optional.

~Max Lucado, theologian

Common Conflict Responses

Avoidance Maybe the problem will just go away.

Poor me Complain to anyone within earshot, exceptthe person you have the problem with.

Anger Emotional outbursts that make everyoneuncomfortable and solve nothing.

RevengeFind ways to disturb the person who hasdisturbed you by “getting even” or evensabotaging their performance or reputation.

The CALM Model

C Clarify the issue

A Address the problem

L Listen to the other side

M Manage your way to resolution

C: Clarify the IssueConflict Clarification Questions - Primary Questions

1. What am I upset about? In specific behavioral terms,what actually happened? Who else is involved? What didthey do?

2. What emotions am I feeling: anger, hurt, frustration? Whyam I feeling that way?

3. Have I contributed to the problem?4. Am I just overreacting? If so, why?5. In terms of actions and relationships, what are my desires

for an outcome to this conflict? What will successfulresolution look like?

6. If I was the other person involved in this situation, howwould I want to be approached and dealt with?

C: Clarify the Issue

Conflict Clarification Questions - Secondary Questions

7. Where was the other person coming from? Could they infact have been motivated by good intentions?

8. Has this happened before, or is this a first timeoccurrence?

9. How is this situation affecting you and your work? Areothers impacted? If so, how?

10. When dealing with this issue, what can you do toincrease your chances of getting the results you want?What counter-productive behaviors do you want toavoid?

A: Address the Problem

• The Opening• The Issue Description

– Exactly what happened– How it made you feel– The negative impacts the situation

caused

A: Address the Problem

Other things to remember:1. Have a walk-in strategy; you may want to

practice what you plan to say.2. Don’t repeat what others have said; this

is between the two of you.3. Keep the end in mind; the goal is not to

win an argument. The goal is to reach arespectful, collaborative result.

L: Listen to the Other Side

• Give the other person your TOTALATTENTION.

• NEVER interrupt.• Ask questions for clarification.• Paraphrase what you’ve heard.• SHOW that you’re listening.• Use positive body language.

Be An Empathetic Listener

• Acknowledge your acceptance of what thespeaker is saying.

• Help the speaker clarify thoughts, feelingsand ideas.

• Don’t interrupt; look for nonverbal signals;maintain a listening posture

• Rephrase the content and reflect on thefeelings.

M: Manage Your Way to Resolution

• Gain agreement that a problem exists.• Identify each other’s concerns and needs.• Explore win-win solutions.• Agree on a course of action.• Determine how to handle missteps, should

they happen.• Close on a positive note.

No Time to Plan!

• Stop, breathe, and think.• Acknowledge the conflict.• Buy some time (and then do CALM).• Take it somewhere else.• Keep it respectful.

Practice the CALM Model

• Think of a scenario involving conflict thatyou’d like to work out.

• Get with a partner.• Practice the CALM model by role playing.• Be prepared to share.

The CALM Model

• Clarify the issue• Address the problem• Listen to the other person• Manage your way to a resolution

SASHET

Action Plan for EI

Gabrielle’sTop Behaviors for Success

• Positive attitude including gratitude• Strong work ethic• Desire to improve and learn• Excellent emotional intelligence• Ability to make things right when things

don’t go as planned• Leadership abilities• Ability to see outside themselves

Which Person is the Mentor?

Juggling

Discovery Questions

1. What's new or different?2. What’s the gap?3. What's the current reality?4. What's the unspoken truth?5. What's possible?6. Where should we begin?7. How brave do you need to be to tackle this?8. What will happen if you do nothing?

Keys to SuccessfulMentoring Relationships

• Get acquainted

• Set clear goals and expectations

• Monitor progress and success

• Provide developmental feedback

Get Acquainted

• Start strong during first meeting– Discuss:

• Background and experience• Professional and personal goals• Strengths and weaknesses

• Relationship will naturally grow over time

Mentor Responsibilities

• Acts as a sounding board• Shares knowledge and experience• Takes required training• Provides honest and open communication• Completes mentoring program survey• Gives constructive feedback• Challenges mentee to take things to the next level• Builds trust• Ensures confidentiality

Mentee Responsibilities

• Arrives fully prepared for meetings• Asks questions• Listens carefully and respects the mentor• Wants to improve, learn, and grow• Never withholds information that would help the

mentor• Puts what was learned from the mentor into action• Documents meetings• Completes mentoring program survey• Has gratitude to the mentor and reciprocates

Activity: First Meeting Preparation

• Imagine that you are about to meet withyour new mentee for the first time (if youhave already met, use that experience).

• Outline your first meeting agenda.

• Include a few questions that you plan toask.

Monitor Progress and Success

• Track key activities– Maintain log

• Activities• Topics of discussions• Reflection on key success factors, challenges, suggestions

• Monitor success– Discuss mentee’s development– Ask about personal wins/accomplishments

• Modify mentoring plan as needed

FOCUSed Feedback

When giving feedback, remember to FOCUS:•Focus on key issues•Offer opportunities for development•Create care and empathy•Understand and have unconditionalacceptance•Support strengths

Gatto, Rex. (2001). Mentoring Process for CPAs

Focusing Questions

1. What would be the best use of our time today?2. How much time do we need to accomplish our

task?3. How should our time be organized?4. What are the issues you want to deal with?5. What procedural agreements should we make?6. Are you wanting to make a decision, close a

gap, vent, get feedback, etc.?

3 Keys to Success

• Discovery• Awareness• Choice

Activity: Self Assessment

• What are (or do you think will be) yourstrongest strengths as a mentor?

• What have been (or do you think will be)some of your biggest challenges as amentor?

• What characteristics or skills do you thinkyou need to develop to succeed as amentor?

Mentor Guiding Questions

• What motivates and inspires you?• If money were no object, what would you

dream of doing?• What qualities do you seek in the people

you hire?• What do you want to be and do?• Where do you see yourself in five years?• What are you doing well now that will help

you achieve your goals?


• What is holding you back? Why?• What do you fear the most?• What are you doing to overcome your

fears?• How can I best help you?• How committed are you to achieving

success?


• How do you deal with any setbacks,failures, or roadblocks?

• How receptive are you to constructivefeedback?

• How willing are you to implementsuggestions I offer?

• Are you happy?• What are your expectations for an

effective mentoring relationship?

Mentor Question Infographic

Mentee Guiding Questions

• What motivates and inspires you?• How did you get where you are today?• What do you like most about what you do?• What skills or characteristics set you apart

from others that have helped you be sosuccessful?

• How do you manage work and life balance?• What do you like to do most when you are

not working?


• What is a typical day like for you?• Who is your hero? Why?• How do you deal with any setbacks,

failures, or roadblocks?• What makes you most proud?• What books do you recommend I read or

activities do you recommend I take part in?


• With what organizations or people do yourecommend I connect?

• What are the most important skills orcharacteristics I should work to develop thatwould help me achieve success?

• Who are your mentors?• What can I do to help you?• What are your expectations for an effective

mentoring relationship?

7 Key Unlearning Points

1. You do not need to know how to dosomething, or be experienced at it, in orderto coach someone to improved results in it.

2. The coach is not an expert (only in how tofacilitate the coaching process). We hearwith our ears, we listen with our emotions.

3. The power is in the process, NOT in thecoach.

4. The answers are ALWAYS in theindividual.

7 Key Unlearning Points

5. Non-directive is more powerful for lastingchange than directing. They will own it andthey will change their behavior if they arenot instructed. Our behaviors will neverchange unless we change our beliefs.

6. Coaching brings clarity, responsibility,awareness, and intelligent action (increases conscious participation).

7. The heart of the coaching process isdiscovery, awareness, and choice.

Questions?

Your website portal:http://gabrielleconsulting.com/leadershipacad

emy2016