kol beth aaron january 2015
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From the Rabbi:
The “Do’s” anD “Don’Ts” oF a Nichum Aveilim” by Rabbi Larry Rothwachs
The wise King Shlomo wrote: “[There is] a time to be silent and a time to speak” (Kohelet 3:7). For most of us, learning to master the art of silence is no easy task. One can find numerous examples where our Rabbis have placed great value upon the acquired trait of silence, identifying it as a virtue toward which one should aspire.
If it is general truth that silence is virtuous, it is undoubtedly true in a house of mourning. Chazal teach that there is nothing of greater value in a house of mourning than silence (Berachot 6b). Thus, it is particularly disturbing that so many well-intentioned individuals fail to conduct themselves in accordance with this principle. I have decided to briefly outline the main guidelines regarding communication in a house of mourning. This is not intended to be a thorough analysis, nor will I attempt to address the myriad issues and complexities one may encounter in these situations. This brief set of guidelines is meant merely to lay out and concretize the ideal state of conduct in a house of mourning.
The halacha (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 376:1) prohibits a visitor from initiating any conversation with a mourner. This includes seemingly innocuous comments such as “how are you?” or “I am so sorry.” Rather, the visitor must wait for a cue from the mourner. Only then is he or she permitted to speak. It is not unusual to observe great Torah scholars (who, in all likelihood, possess something substantive to say) enter a house of mourning, remain for a few minutes, and leave without saying a word, other than the traditional recital of “ha-Makom.” Such a visit should not be viewed as a failed attempt to console the mourner. Quite to the contrary, one’s mere presence and sincere expression of concern can be profoundly comforting (even to a total stranger).
The following list of “Do’s” and “Do Not’s” is intended to serve as a short guide for one who seeks to comfort mourners in a proper and meaningful way. Not surprisingly, the Torah guidelines provide an excellent framework through which a mourner can experience grieving in a manner that is healthy and ultimately therapeutic.
“Do noT’s”:
1) Do not try to distract the mourner from his/her mourning. Diverting the mourner’s attention is not the objective of a shiva visit and often can make the mourner uncomfortable.
2) Do not tell jokes or make jestful comments in an effort to “cheer up” the mourner.
3) Do not ask the mourner for details relating to the death. Despite our burning curiosities and, at times, confusion regarding conflicting accounts that we have heard, it is highly inappropriate to ask questions about the circumstances of death.
4) Do not ask intrusive questions regarding personal issues and family matters, even as they relate to the deceased.
(continued on page 20)
InDeX
From the RabbiDonors to Beit YatirFeeling the Love by Chana WeisslerProfile: Aliza & Kal StaimanBeth Aaron NewsFinding and Keeping Your Bashert Thoughts, by Yehiel LevyChildren’s Corner by Gavriella Hagler w Let’s Bowl w Banim Mitpalelim w January Word Search w Winter Vacation Word Scramble Men’s Club KiddushTree of LifeMemorial PlaquesTeaneck Boys’ ChoirNCSYServing Our Creator with a Healthy Body, Mind, and SoulBeth Aaron Annual DinnerMen’s Club Movie NightParent-Child LearningFriday Night Oneg for Junior High StudentsWeekly ShiurimUpcoming Events
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Kol Beth AaronJanuary 2015 Tevet/Shevat 5775
JanUaRYCaLenDaR
JanUaRYYAhRTZeiT LIsT
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a moadon for Beit Yatir
Beit Yatir, a community for which Beth Aaron provided financial assistance in prior years, is in need of additional funding to ensure the safety of their children.
Given the security situation in Israel, the Beth Aaron Israel Committee has collected funds to assist with their security needs.
Thank you to the follow members who have contributed to this fund:• Sherry & David Chasan• Sharon & Mitchell First• Mollie Fisch• Evie & Alden Leifer• Marcy & Jeff Manas• Yaffa & Mordechai Ungar
FeeLIng The Love by chana Weissler
Within a month of our making aliyah last May, Sandy Bloom of Beit Yatir called to invite Zvi and myself to spend a Shabbat in Beit Yatir. We finally were able to make this most amazing Shabbat possible on Shabbat Parshat Vayetzei.
Tzvi Ben Gedalyahu, who often writes about Beit Yatir for Kol Beth Aaron, picked us up in Adora (a small yishuv near Kiryat Arba where our daughter Batya lives). From the moment Tzvi picked us up, we tangibly felt the love and joy that the people of Beit Yatir shower on members of “Kehilat Beit Aharon.” On the way back to Beit Yatir, Tzvi drove out of his way to pick up any soldiers that he saw waiting for a ride. He told us that ever since his son was in the army, he very much appreciated the way people would stop to give his son a ride home for Shabbat.
The ride to Beit Yatir was a 25-minute ride of pure beauty. The road wound around through a beautiful and majestic part of Eretz Yisrael that most of us have never seen. We arrived at Sandy and Dov Bloom’s house to a very, very warm welcome.
Since there was some time before Shabbat, Dov and Sandy took us on a mini-tour of Beit Yatir. We were able to see all the beautiful new homes that have been built in Beit Yatir over the last few years. We also saw that Beit Yatir is perched high on a strategic mountain top above all of the northern Negev Desert.
After the Friday night tefilah, we were warmly welcomed as Beth Aaron friends and olim chadashim. Many people approached us and told us how very happy they were to have Beth Aaron members join them for Shabbat. They also told us how happy they were that we could now visit more frequently!
(continued on page 7)
In front of the Blooms’ home with Tzvi Ben Gedalyahu
With Sandy and Dov, looking out at the new part of Beit Yatir
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Beth aaron Contacts
KiddushAri Gononsky
LibraryMitch First & Josh Zakheim
[email protected]@mosessinger.com
MembershipHillel Hyman
Men’s ClubMoishe B. Singer, [email protected]
securityDavid Fisher & Yakov Eizik
[email protected]@gmail.com
sisterhoodDeena Fisher & Sari Samuel,
YouthErica & Jason David
Profile:
ALizA & KAL StAiMAn
Beth Aaron just was the “right fit” for Aliza & Kal Staiman when they decided to move from Washington Heights to the other side of the river. They had lived in Washington Heights for two years, before it became fashionable to do so, and loved it. For the past 28 years, the Staimans have been in Teaneck as members of Beth Aaron.
A number of factors converged to bring them to this side of town: Cathy Schuss is Kal’s sister, so the Staimans were familiar with the shul through their visits for Shabbat, and Rabbi Kanarfogel had been Aliza’s teacher at Stern.
“We bought our first house close to my sister-in-law,” Aliza noted, and “we didn’t look on the other side of town, since we knew this shul.” And when it came time for the move to a second house, “we already were part of the Beth Aaron community.”
Kal, who works in IT, has been the gabbai of the Shabbat Hashkama Minyan for 20 years. Among other things, the gabbaim determine who leads the davening and who gets an aliyah. But he doesn’t do it alone. This is a “team effort,” he stressed. Kal also is on the shul Board and heads the Ritual Committee, which oversees adherence to the minhagim of the shul when it comes to the davening times, the order of various tefillot, etc. Some functions that used to be handled by the Ritual Committee, such as planning the location of various minyanim, largely have been taken over by the House Committee as the shul grew and the planning became more complex.
Part of what Kal does is take care of the details that always need attending to so that the shul runs smoothly, Aliza said, which means that “most people don’t realize that these issues even have come up.” These everyday tasks include changing the parochet for the Yamim Noraim and making sure the Sifrei Torah are rolled to the right spot for laining not only for the regular weekday readings, but also for the chagim, Rosh Chodesh, Purim, and Chanukah.
Aliza, who is a dentist with an office on Teaneck Road, has served on the Sisterhood Board and chaired the Judaic Enrichment Committee as well as the Youth Committee. For a decade, she was on the Maayanot Board. She currently volunteers for Shearit ha-Plate.
One of the wonderful things about our shul is all the people who have been offering their services to the community for many years, Kal said, whether it’s with the Chevra Kadisha, arranging for lulavim and etrogim, doing bikkur cholim, or any one of many other functions.
They both agree that when they moved here, there weren’t too many other towns like Teaneck. After checking out other communities in New Jersey, they bought their house in Teaneck “after looking for one night.” They’ve been part of this community for so long now they don’t often think about the specifics of why they like it, Aliza noted, adding that “this is our shul and this is where we belong ….. We raised our family here, with our children born and raised here.” And, she added, the shul has been “a warm environment where we have close friends who raised their children alongside ours.”
The Staimans have “four daughters, two sons-in-law, and two grandchildren,” they said. All live relatively locally, in Riverdale, Manhattan, and Washington Heights. All four of their daughters were youth leaders in the shul and two were assistant youth directors; they also were involved in NCSY.
The Jewish community of Teaneck is a lot bigger than it used to be, noted Aliza, who said that “while we know many people in town, there are many young families and couples moving in.” And both agreed that the shul has to make an extra effort to bring people in, because there are younger shuls in the area where newcomers might naturally gravitate.
Many people look for the diversity in the shul that a wide range of ages brings, noted Kal, who was happy to invite people to come spend Shabbat to sample the community, and to meet our wonderful Rabbi and Rebbetzin. “This is a welcoming shul,” he said, with congregants ranging from those who grew up Orthodox to those who are ba’alei teshuva.
(continued on page 19)
BeTh aaRon oFFICeRs2014-2015
PresidentYair Mayerfeld
1st vice PresidentIsaac Hagler
2nd vice PresidentNeal Yaros
vice President FinanceJosh Klavan
vice President ProgrammingMicah Kaufman
TreasurerFeige Leidner
secretaryMoishe B. Singer
Financial secretaryDov Zakheim
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mAZAl Tov To
• Gila Berkowitz & Arvin Levine, on the birth of their grandson Netzach Yisrael, born to their children Dr. Livia Levine & Noah Moline.• Michla & Yoni Celnik, on their recent marriage. • Carrie & Dr. Stanley Cooper, on being honored by Beit Orot at its Annual Dinner. • Idan glickman, on his Bar Mitzvah. Mazal Tov also to his parents, Shoshana & Dov Glickman and to his siblings, Lital, Oriyah, and Maor.• Ken Goffstein, on being honored by the JLE at its Annual Dinner. • shira hes, on making aliyah.• Marlene Greenspan, on the marriage of her daughter Chaya to Ahron Kostiha.• Moshe & tali Karp, on their recent marriage. Mazal Tov also to Moshe’s parents, Dorothy & Louis Karp, and to his grandparents, Frances & Burton Karp. • Miriam & Dr. irving Klavan, on the occasion of their 50th wedding anniversary.• Ayelet Kurz, on her Bat Mitzvah. Mazal Tov also to her parents, Rebecca & Jeremy Kurz, and to her siblings, Yonatan, Aviva, and Daniel.• temima Macklin, on her Bat Mitzvah. Mazal Tov also to her parents, Danit & Garron Macklin, and to her brothers, Tuvya and Amitai. • Barbara nowlin, on the marriage of her son, Jesse Nowlin, to Shani Greenspan of Israel. Mazal Tov also to Jesse’s grandparents, Ruth & Jonas Weiser. • Esther & David Schnaidman, on the birth of their granddaughter Yael Chava, born to their children Rivka & Ephraim Schnaidman.• Esther & Mordechai trainer, on the birth of a granddaughter, born to their children Chumie & Rabbi Avigdor Mandelbaum. • Lorraine & Rabbi Sam Vogel, on the birth of their first great-grandchild, Yosef Yehonatan Nissim, born to their grandchildren Elky & Eliezer Katz in Yerushalayim. Mazal Tov also to great-aunt and great-uncle Rachelle & Chaim Mandelbaum.• Ruth & Jonas Weiser, on the birth of a great-grandson, born to their grandchildren Daniella & Yoni Leibowitz. • Lolly & Jason (Yosef) zaer, on their recent marriage. Mazal Tov also to Jason’s parents, Abbe & Yossi Rosner.
ConDoLenCes To
• David Landsman, on the passing of his mother, Marta Landsman. • Marilyn Mogul, on the passing of her brother, Herbert Spiegel. • Dr. David Richman, on the passing of his sister, Gail Richman. • the family of Moshe Solow, a long-time member of Congregation Beth Aaron, on his passing in Israel.
WELCOME tO OUR nEW MEMBER
• Leah o’Connor Chuchat, who lives on Walraven Drive.
WELCOME tO tHE COMMUnitY
• Dr. Etta & Dr. isaac novick, who live on Carroll Place.
BEtH AAROn nEWS
YAhRTZeiT DonaTIons
• Myra & Sam Aksler• Beth evans• Warren Wacholder• Michaelle & Abraham zerykier
YiZKoR DonaTIons
• Shifra & Larry Shafier• Michaelle & Abraham zerykier
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DonaTIons To The RaBBI’s DIsCReTIonaRY FUnD
• nurit & Gary Adler• Razel & Yosef Adler• Elaine & Howard Alt• Sherry & David Chasan• Lyn & Fred Cohen• Rebecca eis• Jonathan Feder• tal & Marc Felsen• Roz & ira Friedman• Kenneth Gorelik• Julian horowitz• Linda & Rabbi Mark Karasick• Denise & Alexander Kaye• Chaya Greenspan & Aharon Kostiha• Rebecca & Jeremy Kurz• Esther & Aryeh Lightstone• Marcy & Jeff Manas• Rachelle & Chaim Mandelbaum• Beth Aaron Men’s Club• Esther & naftali Olivestone• Meryl & David Rubin• Miriam & izzy Salomon• sam shteingart• Marcia & Bob trinz• Yaffa & Mordechai Ungar• Cindy & Rabbi Saul zucker
DonaTIons To The sTanLeY FIsCh YoUTh FUnD
• Mollie Fisch, in honor of Marlene Greenspan, on the marriage of Chaya to Ahron Kostiha• Mollie Fisch, in honor of Gila Berkowitz & Arvin Levine, on the birth of their grandson netzach Yisrael Moline• Mollie Fisch, in honor of Dorothy & Louis Karp and the extended Karp family, on the marriage of Moshe to tali Ausubel• Mollie Fisch, in honor of Miriam & irv Klavan, on their 50th wedding anniversary• Mollie Fisch, in honor of Lorraine & Sam Vogel, on the birth of their first great-grandson, Yosef Yehonatan nissim Katz• Mollie Fisch, in honor of Ruth & Jonas Weiser, on the birth of a great-grandson• Mollie Fisch, in memory of Marilyn Mogul’s dear brother, Herbert Spiegel• Mollie Fisch, in memory of David Richman’s dear sister, Gail Richman• Mollie Fisch, in memory of Shonny Solow and her family’s dear husband, father, and grandfather, Moish Solow
PARnAS HAYOM DEDiCAtiOnS
Dedicate a day of learning at Beth Aaron on the occasion of a yahrtzeit, in the zechut of a refuah shelaima, or in honor of a simcha, a birthday or any other occasion. Each week’s dedications are prominently displayed in the shul lobby and sent out to the membership via email. For more informa-tion, or to sign up, please go to www.bethaaron.org/parnashayom.
Parnas Hayom dedications in November were made by:• Laurie & ira Bauman, commemorating the yahrtzeit of Laurie’s mother, Chaya Breindel bat Moshe• Arlene & Arthur Eis, commemorating the yahrtzeit of Arlene’s mother, Rechel bat Yirmiyahu• Shulamis & David Hes, in honor of their daughter Shira, who made aliyah. • Esther & naftali Olivestone, commemorating the yahrtzeit of Miriam Mindel bat ha-Rav David Yekutiel• Miriam & izzy Salomon, commemorating the 50th yahrtzeit of Miriam’s father, Moshe ben ha-Rav Shmerel• Phyllis & Sandy zlotnick, commemorating the yahrtzeit of Nisa Etel bat Rav Mordechai ha-Kohen
BEtH AAROn nEWS
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FinDinG AnD KEEPinG YOUR BASheRT
Thoughts, by Yehiel levy
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author.
Marriage is not a match of two like individuals.
My personal experience brought home one point: a good marriage isn’t necessarily a match of two similar individuals. It is a union of a man and woman, vastly different in temperament, emotionality, frame of reference, and priorities, each one with different strengths and weaknesses. In a successful marriage, the couple completes one another, so that his deficiencies are compensated for by her strong points, her shortcomings are filled in by his positive attributes, and the whole is much greater than the parts.
This highlights one of the common errors made in today’s dating game. When the shadchan says in that sing-song voice, “So tell me, what are you looking for?,” out comes the laundry list:
“I need someone who is extroverted, funny, and outgoing.”“I need a woman who is very frum, good, kind, tolerant, and funny.”“I need a guy who is tall, a take-charge type, strong but not headstrong.”
And unwittingly, many people make the first mistake of the dating game – they aren’t looking for their bashert – they have already formed him or her in their minds, and now are out to find the one that comes the closest to that image.
It is almost like the children’s toy Mr. Potato Head. You get to design the doll, choose red lips, big ears, small eyes, short legs, etc. Before going out, most people go through a sort of personal inventory: “Let’s see. Since I am…., I need…” Unconsciously, they put together a wish list of qualities to take out into the marketplace.
Not only isn’t this a Torah approach to dating, it also comes from a lack of understanding of the complexity of the human being. For a person to accurately choose the person that is right for him or her, one would need the wisdom of Shlomo ha-Melech.
Before considering anything else, one needs the self-understanding to answer: “Who am I? What really makes me tick? What are my true strengths and real weaknesses? How will I react in different life situations? What will I be like in 20 years?”
The reality is that most people can’t answer those questions even when they are 80 years old, let alone when they are first starting out in life.
But even more difficult is the next step: defining what to be in life. Do I need someone who is emotionally supporting, or will I flourish only if I have someone whom I support?
When a person spends time thinking about the complexity of a human being, he or she will understand the difficulty of finding the right match for a person, and quickly realize that some jobs are better off left to Hashem. Then it starts to crystallize. “I really don’t know that much about this thing called marriage. I don’t really understand why some couples flourish while others disintegrate. In truth, I haven’t been on this planet long enough to really know myself, and surely not what I need in the opposite gender to perfectly balance me.”
Once a person reaches this understanding, then he is ready to use the bashert system of going out. This system resembles the way many people approach shidduchim. But don’t be fooled – it is vastly different.
The Bashert system
The bashert system has two components. The first is rather similar to the way most people go out. Before the date, before there are any emotional investments, you take a “paper test.” On paper, do the two match? Are they looking for the same things in life? Are they looking to lead the same lifestyle?
Once that is established, then you meet – and here is where things work very differently. The reason that you meet isn’t because you are looking for the person who is best suited for you, nor because you are searching for the person with whom you would most like to spend the rest of your life. You are looking for the person who was chosen for you.
Forty days before I was born, a certain individual was hand-chosen for me as my perfect mate, my life partner. Now I am going out to find her. Not to find the one who comes closest to my image of what I want. Not to find the person who I think will best suit my needs. I am looking for my bashert – and to do that, I take the bashert test.
The bashert test is to meet a person and see how I feel. Do I feel comfortable? Do I enjoy her company? Does it just sort of feel right? Not rockets on the Fourth of July. Not even “Wow!!!” Just does it feel natural? Did you enjoy the date? Do you look forward to seeing her again? Does it sort of seem to click? If it does, then she passes. That is the sign that she is the one destined for me.
The bashert test is based on the perspective that Hashem runs this world, and my job is to go out and do my hishtadlut, relying on Hashem to bring me what I need. Hashem gave us the intuition to know certain things, one of which is who is the right one for me.
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Too smart for the system
One of the reasons that people get stuck is because they become too “smart” for the system. A young man will say something like: “The dates are great, I really look forward, but she’s not worldly enough for me”… or not intelligent enough, not outgoing enough, or “I’m just not sure that she’s the right one.” Many times it isn’t that he doesn’t have an intuitive sense about her – he does, it’s just that he doesn’t like what his intuition is telling him. Sometimes it is because “What will the guys think?” or “Can’t I do better?” These “needs” are ideas he adopted from the outside world’s understanding of marriage.
But all of these blockages can be bypassed if a person focuses on the viewpoint that Hashem created this world and runs it. Hashem has chosen for me the perfect life partner, and Hashem wants me to find that person. That person might not fit my very detailed, preconceived idea of what it is that I think I need, or what it is that I want, but that person is the one that’s best for me.
When a person trusts in Hashem and uses the tools given to him, Hashem helps him succeed in finding the one predestined for him – his bashert.
FeeLIng The Love (continued from page 2)
Our Friday night meal at the Blooms included a very special guest, Judith Margolis. As a writer, Judith’s late husband was instrumental in presenting Beit Yatir to the Beth Aaron congregants in a most positive and endearing light. Among the many things that we discussed and reminisced about that night was the very special Pesach that Judith and David spent many years ago in Teaneck with us and the entire Beth Aaron community.
After dinner, the Blooms hosted an Oneg Shabbat at which many residents of Beit Yatir came to welcome us again and give praise to all that Beth Aaron has done to help them. We enjoyed insightful divrei Torah and many beautiful Shabbat songs and melodies. Listening to the songs and melodies and sitting in that part of Eretz Yisrael made me ever so thankful to Hashem for allowing Zvi and myself to experience this!
For Shabbat lunch, our hosts were Asher and Lisa Scharf. As it turns out, both Asher and Zvi attended the same elementary school, Zichron Moshe, in the Bronx! While Zvi was spending many years as a lawyer in the States, Asher had the great zechut to use his hands to work the land owned by Beit Yatir as an “agricultural technician,” as he put it. The contrast was amazing. Chaim and Naava Livneh and two of their children joined us for lunch at the Scharfs’ home. Chaim, who many Beth Aaronites may remember from Camp Moshava, was the first liaison of Beit Yatir when Beth Aaron began the relationship with them in 1995. The discussion at the table was lively, warm, and fun.
For Zvi and myself to meet the people of Beit Yatir, who live, breathe, and believe in Torah ve-Avodah in Eretz ha-Kedosha, was a tremendous gift from Hashem.
Even though Shabbat came to an end, as it does every week, the glow, warm feelings, strong friendships, and immeasurable love for these wonderful people and beautiful place have remained with us.
The people of Beit Yatir are committed, strong, and very idealistic individuals whose love for the land they live on is immense. They feel much gratitude to Beth Aaron for being a partner in helping Beit Yatir develop and grow. Zvi and I are very proud to be part of this Beit Knesset.
Please try to visit Beit Yatir when you are in Israel and experience their wonderful Hachnasat Orchim. You will walk away feeling very enriched.
Le-Hitra’ot ba-Aretz, Be-Ahava Chana Weissler
The northern Negev below Beit Yatir
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LEt’S BOWL
by Gavriella hagler
“I can’t believe it!” Aviel cries out excitedly. “Winter vacation is sooo soon!”
“I know!” I exclaim. “What is it, like… five more days ‘til we have vacation?”
Baby Bracha holds up her right hand and starts counting down on her fingers. “Let’s see,” she says. “There’s Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday...” With every new day of the week, Baby Bracha folds down another finger. “Six. I think its six days,” Bracha concludes, proudly waving her four remainding fingers at me as proof. Baby Bracha is three and half, but we call her “Baby” still since she’s the youngest in the family.
I clap my hands together. “Ahhhh!” I scream with delight. “Six days! And then no more tests, homework, studying, and school for like… a week and half!”
Aviel nods. “It’s true. I can really use the break from school.” Aviel goes to yeshiva and recently has been cramming and studying like crazy for his midterms.
“Yeah,” I agree. “But winter vacation isn’t fun if you don’t do anything fun.”
Aviel bobs his head in agreement. “That’s true. Last year, I think I just ate junk food and watched TV the whole time. It was such a waste of the vacation. After like three days, I was bored and nauseous. There’s only so much coffee ice cream and TV a person can consume.” I laugh. “Yeah, same. That pretty much summed up my vacation last year. And… like half of my summer, too.”
“So, then lets change that. Let’s come up with something awesome to do.” Aviel runs into the kitchen, rummages through a few drawers, and, a few seconds later, returns with a pad of paper and a pen in each hand. “Let’s make up a list of cool things we can do, so we won’t waste our vacation again. What d’ya say?”
I smile. “Love it.”
“Love it, love it, love it,” Baby Bracha sings, shaking her head back and forth, trying to participate in the conversation, too.
Aviel clicks the pen open and flips to a fresh piece of paper. “Let’s see. We can...” he trails off.
This was always our problem. Deciding what to do. Finding something close by, which we all agreed on. Which was hard since there’s such a big age difference between the three of us. Twenty-year-old guys, fifteen-year-old girls and three-year-old toddlers don’t all like the same things.
“What if we go boating or something?” I suggest.
“Nah,” Aviel shakes his head. “I hate boating, and I doubt Baby Bracha can do it with us.”
“Boating, boating…,” Bracha sings again, finding herself suddenly amusing, as her ponytail swings forward and back.
“We can see a movie,” I suggest again.
“Pfft. Please, that never works. No one ever agrees on the same movie.”
“That’s because you like ‘killing’ movies.” I stick out my tongue, suddenly defensive.
“They’re called ‘action movies.’ And that’s because you like really girly stuff.”
“Fine. Bowling?”
Aviel scribbles it down onto the paper. “That’s actually a good idea. And Bracha can do that, too.”
“Great. Then it’s settled. We’re goimg bowling.”
***Last night, Aviel got a text from our neighbor John.
“He says his whole family’s going away and he wanted to know if he can do something with us,” Aviel says, reading the text from his phone.
ChILDRen’s CoRneR
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“No. Say no. Say we’re too busy, or we’re not doing anything fun.”
Aviel looks at me with a really-are-you-serious face.
“What?” I say defensively. “I really don’t like John. He’s loud, and rude, and annoying, and I don’t want him ruining our vacation.”
“Don’t say that, it’s lashon ha-ra. And I know you might not want to invite him, but it’s the right thing to do. Think about him for a minute. He’s probably going to be all alone and just wants someone to hang out with.”
“So. There’s plenty of other people he can hang out with, without ruining our vacation.”
“He’s not gonna ‘ruin’ your vacation,” Aviel continues, putting the words in quotes. “And it’s a mitzvah in the Torah to treat others the way that you would want to be treated. Ve-ahavta le-rayacha kamocha. Now think about that before you say ‘no.’ ”
“Ugh. Fine. You can text him back we’re going bowling and he can join us if he wants.”
Aviel smirks. “Good. I already texted him back last night. I knew you’d come around.”
Before I can change my mind, Aviel takes his phone and walks out of the room still smiling, with Baby Bracha trailing along behind him.
***
Seven days later, all four of us had gone bowling together.
Aviel was right. John was actually fun to hang out with. It was nice to have more company.
But most importantly, it felt really good to have done a good deed, and help someone else in need. Better than just bowling by ourselves.
We couldn’t have asked for a better vacation!
ChILDRen’s CoRneR
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ChILDRen’s CoRneR
JAnUARY WORD SEARCH
by gavriella hagler
r k v b p e f h d u n n s b m
h n T u r m e v W J O O s O Y
X Z h k f L A v s J f J e W G
L C k O p f I e h d Q I n L W
k h r I J f J p r h n Y d I W
T n n L u u Y n T C L e n n d
d G L O O h C s O n e s I G m
J A n u A r Y A A W m C k r k
d e s s e h C h v r O b I r f
G X n b L h C O e I f r A e b
Y O W Y b A b T X n e d k T O
W r A s r m d f A m I L Y n r
W J Z b W I L T O e Q O f I e
r X v X m Z Y A L C p C h W d
f e L O C u X m O b Q Y p C k
AVIEL BABY BOREDBOWLING BRACHA CHESSEDCOLD FAMILY FRIENDSHELPING
ICE CREAM JANUARYJOHN KINDNESS MIDTERMSNO SCHOOL NO WORK SNOW WINTER
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WintER VACAtiOn WORD SCRAMBLE
by gavriella hagler
Please unscramble the words below:
enrtiW-ntivoaac ______________________________________________________________________
on-slcoho ___________________________________________________________________________
on-okrw _____________________________________________________________________________
fere etim ____________________________________________________________________________
Bnlogwi _____________________________________________________________________________
atBgion __________________________________________________________________________
isMvoe _____________________________________________________________________________
Frsined ______________________________________________________________________________
Hilnepg _____________________________________________________________________________
sztvoMi ___________________________________________________________________________
abyB Brhaca _________________________________________________________________________
wnoS _______________________________________________________________________________
irnetW ______________________________________________________________________________
oldC ________________________________________________________________________________
ayJurna _____________________________________________________________________________
hbrensgio ___________________________________________________________________________
esheCds _____________________________________________________________________________
ChILDRen’s CoRneR
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BEtH AAROn MEn’S CLUB KiDDuSh
As part of our ongoing effort to further the friendliness of Beth Aaron, we are happy to provide our weekly kiddushim. Kiddushim are held weekly, except when there are private events or rentals in the Social Hall. The Men’s Club is pleased to offer four options for kiddushim, both single-sponsored as well as multi-sponsored. Our standard weekly kiddush is the “Weekly Cold Kiddush.” WEEKLY KIDDUSHIM: Weekly dairy cold kiddushim with chips, cookies, and soda. Become a Mezonot sponsor for only $54 or a L’Chaim sponsor for $72. MULTI-SPONSORED KIDDUSH: Hot fleishik Kiddush with chulent, kugel, cakes and more. Multi-sponsored kiddushim are held approximately every six weeks. Sponsorships are only $200.
If you are celebrating a simcha, commemorating a yahrtzeit, or simply want to say “thank you,” consider sponsoring an upcoming kiddush. Visit our website to sponsor. If you have any questions, contact Ari Gononsky, [email protected].
hashkama minyan Kiddush “society” To support the hashkama minyan’s monthly hot Kiddush on Shabbat mevorchim for a second year, join the Hashkama Minyan Kiddush “So-ciety.” The membership of $54 can be made online; please note in the “comments” section that the contribution is for the Hashkama Minyan Kiddush. Contact Ari Gononsky, [email protected], with any questions.
TRee oF LIFe
The Tree of Life commemorates the birth of a child or grandchild, honors someone, or celebrates a marriage or other family simcha. Leaves on the Tree of Life are $100 each. For further information, please contact Aviva Leffel, [email protected].
MEMORiAL PLAQUES
Memorial plaques commemorate the passing of a loved one and perpetuate his or her memory. Plaques are $350 each. For further information, contact Aviva Leffel, [email protected], or Larry Kahn, [email protected].
tEAnECK BOYS’ CHOiR
The Teaneck Boys’ Choir is now accepting new members for 5775. We welcome boys in grades 1 to 7 from Teaneck, Bergenfield, Paramus, Fair Lawn, Fort Lee, and neighboring towns. The choir is known for its warm, haimish, and fun atmosphere, encouraging our boys to experience and learn teamwork and mutual respect. Be part of a great group, learn new songs, and take part in performances and CD recording. For information on enrollment, please contact Yehiel Levy, 201-357-5495, [email protected]. Yehiel Levy & Hillel Kapnick,Directors
nCsY
For information about NCSY events, or if you have questions, comments, or ideas, please mail Spence Weitzen, [email protected].
Join us on Facebook or email us, [email protected].
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ReCoRDIngs anD soURCe sheeTs
Recordings and source sheets for these slectures are available online at www.bethaaron.org/torah.
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BeTh aaRon annUaL DInneR
CongRegaTIon BeTh aaRonCoRDIaLLY InvITes YoU To aTTenD
oUR 39Th annUaL JoURnaL DInneR
honoRIng
ARLEnE & ARtHUR EiSgUesTs oF honoR
ERiCA & JASOn DAViDSHELLY LEFFEL SERViCE AWARDEES
Sunday, February 22, 2015Dinner Buffet at 5:00 p.m.
Program at 6:15 p.m.
Congregation Keter torah600 Roemer Avenue teaneck, nJ 07666
Ad deadline: Monday, January 26
Couvert $200 per person, $150 for first-time member attendees.
For reservations or an ad blank, go to www.bethaaron.org/dinner
Please click here for a printable ad blank
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MONDAY10:15 AM - 12:30 PM
Parshanut HaMikra: BereishitExplore topics in Bereishit through the lens of midrash, medieval and modern commentaries - chevruta and shiur.Rachel Friedman, Shira Schiowitz, For women (12 weeks), Tuition $220
February 2, 9, 23 March 2, 9, 23, 30 April 20, 27 May 4, 11, 18
WEDNESDAY10:15 - 11:45 AM
Parashat HaShavuaExplore the parashah closely using midrash, parshanut and literary tools. The last few weeks will be devoted to pre-Pesach classes.Rachel Friedman, For men and women (9 weeks), Tuition $160
January 28February 4, 11, 18, 25 March 4, 11, 18, 25
WEDNESDAY10:15 - 11:45 AM
Megillat RuthExplore the book of Ruth and its connections to the holiday of Shavuot.Rachel Friedman, For men and women (5 weeks), Tuition $90
April 22, 29 May 6, 13, 20
THURSDAY10:15 - 11:30 AM
The Later Prophecies of Yirmiyahu: The life and times of the prophet and his message for us today.Shira Schiowitz, For women (13 weeks), Tuition $230
January 29February 5, 12, 19, 26 March 12, 19, 26 April 16, 30 May 7, 14, 21
THURSDAY11:45 AM-1:00 PM
Great Thinkers of the Twentieth CenturyBe inspired by the thought of Rav Kook, Rav Soloveitchik and the Lubavitcher Rebbe on contemporary issues.Rabbi Yosef Bronstein, For men and women (8 weeks), Tuition $145
January 29February 5, 12, 19, 26 March 12, 19, 26
TUESDAY8:15 - 9:30 PM
Megillat EstherPrepare for Purim at Lamdeinu. Explore Megillat Esther with classical parshanim and literary analysis.Rabbi Dr. Yitzhak Berger, For men and women (4 weeks), Tuition $72
February 3, 10, 17, 24
TUESDAY10:15 AM - 12:30 PM
Talmud: Berakhot Chapter 4This class is an introductory Talmud class for students with Hebrew text skills.Rabbi Daniel Fridman, For women (16 weeks), Tuition $275
January 27February 3, 10, 17, 24, March 3, 10, 17, 24, 31 April 14, 21, 28 May 5, 12, 19
WEDNESDAY9:00 - 10:00 AM
Yoga with ShifraMindful yoga to begin the day.Shifra Shafier, For women (16 weeks), Tuition $192 or $15/class
January 7, 14, 21, 28 February 4, 18, 25 March 11, 18, 25April 15, 22, 29May 6, 13, 20
Lamdeinu at Congregation Beth Aaron 950 Queen Anne Road Teaneck, NJRachel Friedman, Dean | Shira Schiowitz, Assistant Dean
SPRING 2015 SEMESTER Register at lamdeinu.org
All classes will cover new topics. New students are welcome to join any class. Drop-in rate for a class is $25. Please consider dedicating a shiur for a minimum contribution of $180.
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MONDAY10:15 AM - 12:30 PM
Parshanut HaMikra: BereishitExplore topics in Bereishit through the lens of midrash, medieval and modern commentaries - chevruta and shiur.Rachel Friedman, Shira Schiowitz, For women (12 weeks), Tuition $220
February 2, 9, 23 March 2, 9, 23, 30 April 20, 27 May 4, 11, 18
WEDNESDAY10:15 - 11:45 AM
Parashat HaShavuaExplore the parashah closely using midrash, parshanut and literary tools. The last few weeks will be devoted to pre-Pesach classes.Rachel Friedman, For men and women (9 weeks), Tuition $160
January 28February 4, 11, 18, 25 March 4, 11, 18, 25
WEDNESDAY10:15 - 11:45 AM
Megillat RuthExplore the book of Ruth and its connections to the holiday of Shavuot.Rachel Friedman, For men and women (5 weeks), Tuition $90
April 22, 29 May 6, 13, 20
THURSDAY10:15 - 11:30 AM
The Later Prophecies of Yirmiyahu: The life and times of the prophet and his message for us today.Shira Schiowitz, For women (13 weeks), Tuition $230
January 29February 5, 12, 19, 26 March 12, 19, 26 April 16, 30 May 7, 14, 21
THURSDAY11:45 AM-1:00 PM
Great Thinkers of the Twentieth CenturyBe inspired by the thought of Rav Kook, Rav Soloveitchik and the Lubavitcher Rebbe on contemporary issues.Rabbi Yosef Bronstein, For men and women (8 weeks), Tuition $145
January 29February 5, 12, 19, 26 March 12, 19, 26
TUESDAY8:15 - 9:30 PM
Megillat EstherPrepare for Purim at Lamdeinu. Explore Megillat Esther with classical parshanim and literary analysis.Rabbi Dr. Yitzhak Berger, For men and women (4 weeks), Tuition $72
February 3, 10, 17, 24
TUESDAY10:15 AM - 12:30 PM
Talmud: Berakhot Chapter 4This class is an introductory Talmud class for students with Hebrew text skills.Rabbi Daniel Fridman, For women (16 weeks), Tuition $275
January 27February 3, 10, 17, 24, March 3, 10, 17, 24, 31 April 14, 21, 28 May 5, 12, 19
WEDNESDAY9:00 - 10:00 AM
Yoga with ShifraMindful yoga to begin the day.Shifra Shafier, For women (16 weeks), Tuition $192 or $15/class
January 7, 14, 21, 28 February 4, 18, 25 March 11, 18, 25April 15, 22, 29May 6, 13, 20
Lamdeinu at Congregation Beth Aaron 950 Queen Anne Road Teaneck, NJRachel Friedman, Dean | Shira Schiowitz, Assistant Dean
SPRING 2015 SEMESTER Register at lamdeinu.org
All classes will cover new topics. New students are welcome to join any class. Drop-in rate for a class is $25. Please consider dedicating a shiur for a minimum contribution of $180.
WEEKLY ShiuRim
• Daf Yomi in Teaneck: For Daf Yomi shiurim and resources in Teaneck, go to www.teaneckshuls.org/daf/.
• Daf Yomi shiur by Rabbi Rothwachs / Rabbi Daniel Feldman / Rabbi Mark Staum / Rabbi Daniel Herrmann: Monday-Thursday evenings, at 9:45 p.m.
• Rabbi Rothwachs’ Bava Kama shiur: Wednesday evenings at 8:30 p.m.
• Morning mishna chabura: Monday, Thursday: 6:55 a.m.; Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday: 7:00 a.m.
ShABBAT ShiuRim• Daf Yomi: one hour and ten minutes before mincha
• Women’s Learning: one hour and ten minutes before mincha
• Meir Hirsch’s shiur: one hour before mincha
ALizA & KAL StAiMAn (continued from page 3)
Both Aliza and Kal enjoy the scholar-in-residence and the continuing education programs, with Kal also pointing to the rabbi’s shiurim on Shabbat. Sisterhood events and the weekly kiddushim are good examples of programs that build community by giving people a change to socialize, they said.
If people are interested in getting involved in shul, there is a lot to do and a lot to be involved with, commented Aliza.
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CongRegaTIon BeTh aaRon950 Queen Anne Road teaneck, nJ 07666
Phone: 201-836-6210www.bethaaron.org [email protected]
Laurence Rothwachs, Rabbi Yair Mayerfeld, President
The “Do’s” anD “Don’Ts” oF a Nichum Aveilim” (continued from page 1)
5) Do not chastise or even mildly preach to a mourner who expresses anger at God or questions basics of belief. Do not offer explanations as to why (you believe) the deceased suffered in his/her life or why his/her suffering was purposeful. Similarly, one should never describe the timing, manner or circumstances surrounding the death as a “blessing.” These points, in particular, are the most difficult of all because, according to many, the visitors ideally should assist the mourners to be “matzdik et ha-din” (accept the decisions of God as just). More often than not, it would be best to save important thoughts and perspectives on suffering, theology, etc., for a more appropriate occasion, unless one is certain that the mourner will be comforted by his or her words. “When in doubt, do without.”
6) Do not discourage a mourner from crying, no matter how excessive one may feel it is. Mourners (during shiva) should never be encouraged to suppress their grief.
7) Do not tell a mourner that, with the passage of time, everything will return to normal.
8) Do not say to the mourner “I know how you feel” (even if you feel you really do). At times, the mourner may suggest an association between his suffering and yours, but that should never come from the visitor.
9) Do not carry on any side conversations with other visitors. Even the simple exchange of formal greetings with other visitors is inappropriate at a house of mourning (as well as at a funeral). If others in the room are indulging in personal side conversations, your participation remains inappropriate.
10) Do not stay longer than necessary. If there is not much conversation taking place, one needn’t remain in a house of mourning for more than a few minutes.
11) Lastly, PLEASE do not enter a house of mourning with a cell phone that has an audible ring tone.
“Do’s”
1) Do LISTEN (without interruption) to whatever expressions of grief, concern, sorrow, anger, etc., are shared by the mourner.
2) Do show concern for the mourner through facial expressions that reflect the concern and sadness that you feel. It is okay for a visitor to cry along with the mourner.
3) Do allow the mourner to talk about the deceased. One may gently even initiate such conversation, but do not push too hard if the mourner does not respond to your initial cues.
4) Do speak about the deceased’s goodness and fine character and the positive traits that he or she possessed. Do share personal anecdotes that reflect the above points.
5) Do speak about how the deceased lived. All too often, a disproportionate amount of time is devoted to how the person died. Repeating these descriptions can be very taxing on the mourners. Naturally, a mourner will be more easily uplifted when the conversation deals with the deceased’s actions when he or she was alive and well.
6) Do attempt to tactfully restore a conversation that has been sabotaged by another visitor who has tried to distract the mourner.
7) Do remember that the purpose of a shiva visit is to comfort the mourner, not oneself. If one leaves a house of mourning saddened, that does not indicate a failed mission.
As I mentioned above, this brief set of guidelines is not meant to address every set of circumstances that may arise. However, I hope that it does remind all of us that whereas it may be relatively easy to enter a house of mourning, properly fulfilling our mission is no easy task. May Hashem grant us the wisdom and strength to fulfill this great mitzvah in the most proper and effective manner.
UPCOMinG EVEntS:
motzaei Shabbat, January 10, at 6:15 p.m.Sisterhood Book Club: Like Dreamers, the story of the Israeli paratroopers who reunited Jerusalem and divided a nation, by Yossi Klein HaLevi. This program, which is open to both men and women, will be held at the home of Pearl Markovitz, 201 Grayson Place.
Monday, January 12, at 8:00 p.m.Rabbi Rothwachs’ Lecture Series –“Genetic Testing and Preventive Medical Intervention in Halacha and Hashkafa”
motzaei Shabbat, January 17, at 7:00 p.m.Men’s Club presents Movie Night, screening three movies – Shira, Prague, and The Divide – from the Ma’aleh Film School of Jerusalem. Admission is free, and refreshments will be served. To sponsor the program, contact [email protected].
Sunday, February 1, at 9:30 a.m.Men’s Club presents Bob Klapisch, baseball columnist for The Record. A light breakfast will be served.
Monday, February 2, at 8:00 p.m.Rabbi Rothwachs’ Lecture Series --Shemirat Shabbat vs. Shemirat ha-Nefesh: Health Management and Medical Treatment on Shabbat
Friday night, February 13, from 8:00 to 9:30 p.m.The only rule in this Men’s Club Cholent-less Challenge is that you can’t make a cholent, chili or cholent-like stew, but anything else that is fleshik or parve and can be cooked in a crockpot is eligible! Sign up online for a time slot at www.bethaaron.org/event/cholent-less-challenge.html. Become a Kugel Sponsor for only $50 by e-mailing [email protected].