KING’S FOOLISH EYE ON THE WORLD Issue Nine

Volume Two

1st April 2013

Editors:

Miles Meredith

Sebastian Yelesen

Journalists:

Imogen Szerdy

Freddie Cheshire

Robert Way

Elliot King

Harry Wilson

Andrew Shortall

Rachel Huber

Matthew Perkins

Harry Zhou

Ananda Chatterjee

James Hughes

Rose Lindley

Joe Gillett

Iwan Bulkeley

Erika Ignata

Zak Soutter

Harriet Cole

Chloe James

CURRENT AFFAIRS ENRICHMENT………………READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Welcome to the ninth edition of King’s Eye on the World; our

very own Current Affairs e-journal. Sadly, this edition is our last

journal as a group and we leave you with an extra special edition

in the true spirit of April fools! As well as including a range of

interesting articles from what’s going on in the world at the

moment to features on flying potatoes not pigs!! Hidden within

the articles on current affairs are several spoof articles written

with April Fools in mind. Spot them if you can!

Sebastian Yelesen and Miles Meredith

CHESTER GOING PREMIER

BY ELLIOT KING 3JM

What a stunner! Chester Football Club has negotiated with the governors in

the Premier League and has managed to gain automatic promotion into the

First Division. The chairman of Chester, Tony Durkin claimed to FIFA that

Chester were a club with a big heart and had a lot of potential. The staff at

FIFA agreed instantly and said Chester’s promotion from the Conference

North to the Premier League would take place next season.

Regardless of Chester’s small stadium, they are due to be playing top class

teams next season, such as Manchester United, Arsenal and Everton. Let’s

just hope we can do a bit better than no points.

NEW SAMSUNG PHABLET

BY ANDREW SHORTALL 3JJ

The South Korean company have just announced the release of the Galaxy Mega which can either have a 6.3 inch screen or one with a 5.8 inch screen.The size of the phone also means it fits into the ‘phablet’ category-a cross between a phone and a tablet. Research suggests that Samsung was the leading maker of smartphones in the world- with over 30% of all phones sold.

Both of these will go on sale in Europe in May.

MICRO LAMB- MAJOR TRENDSTER!

ERIKA IGNATA 3HB

Micro Lamb - The tiny Hebidean lamb, who even has her own Twitter

account! (You can find it below).

Micro Lamb was born only a few days

ago, weighing 1kg! That is about the

weight of a bag of sugar! The farmer,

Gareth Barlow, decided to keep her in

his house because she was too small to

go out in the snowy unseasonal weather.

She plays with the household dog, and

snoozes under the chair.

She was born on a farm in North

Yorkshire, but was only a third of the

usual size.

She is now going to stay in

Gareth’s house for a few weeks.

To keep her busy, however, she

has now got her own twitter

account, with over 3000 followers

from across the world! In a

recent tweet on Wednesday

afternoon she said: "I'm busy

playing in the lovely warm

kitchen, saying hello to the dog,

chasing the farmer, sleeping

under the chairs. This is such

fun! Baa."

So, Micro Lamb, I hope the weather will get warmer for you soon!

SLOTH IN TROUBLE WITH POLICE

BY ROSE LINDLEY – 3JJ

Barry the sloth escaped from Chester Zoo yesterday. After roaming around the

streets, and picking up rubbish to eat, he came across a corner shop. But instead of

selecting a product and then paying for it, like respectable sloths would do, Barry

stole seven bags of potatoes. He was caught in the act and taken to the police

station right away. We haven’t yet found out what he was wanting to do with the

potatoes, but a police investigation is unravelling as we speak. We interviewed some

eye witnesses; one woman, age 33, Iamnot Truthful, said “I was so shocked to see a

crime of that scale in our own little shop. We have never experienced stealing like

that before.” Another witness, who did not want to be named for legal reasons, said

“I thought sloths were supposed to be nice, but what I saw proved all that wrong.”

Several of the people who we interviewed upset them so much that they could not

yet talk about what had happened. Barry is currently spending time in the cells at the

police station until his court trial on Sunday. Police officer Iam Afake told us that

“Barry’s future is clear. For the crime that he has commited he is sure to be found

guilty at the trial, and will be spending several years in prison before he can ever

start to turn his life around.” We also tried to interview Barry, but he refused to

make any comments.

POLICE CUTS SLOWING THEM DOWN

BY MATTHEW PERKINS 3HB

For years police cars with sirens and their distinctive flashing lights have

been a stalwart part of the constabulary. But after years of catching crooks

and clearing up Britain’s streets they are all to be scrapped and swapped for

bikes as massive cuts to spending in areas such as policing mean that they

are unable to support their police cars.

Scientists have put together graphs to predict road crime. They expect a 15%

rise in road crime, a 2% rise in drug crime, a 10% rise in crimes on our

streets and a 1% rise in police fatalities on roads.

Police spokesmen were quick to speak out against these cuts as they stated

that it would severely slow down the time in which police officers would

respond to crimes and said that it was unacceptable to take away police cars

in an age when cars were getting faster and faster and police would have no

power over the roads.

JOKE PAGE

BY FREDDIE CHESHIRE 3RL

The Worlds cheesiest jokes

1. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception

was brilliant.

2. A man walks into a bar... Ouch!

3. What’s the best time to go to the dentist....2:30

4. I would tell you a bin joke but its rubbish.

5. I would tell you a pizza joke but it’s too cheesy.

6. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew

they worked.

7. A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint

please, and one for the road."

8. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast

one."

9. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: "Sorry, we don't serve

food in here."

10. Why did the hedgehog cross the road... to go and see his flat mate.

11. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the

cobwebs out of her hair.

12. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

13. I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said: "Are you two an

item?"

14. Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says: "Oi - get out. We don't want

your type in here."

15. I backed a horse last week at 10 to one. It came in at quarter past four.

16. I'm in a Chinese restaurant and this duck comes up with a red rose and

says: "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds." I said: "Waiter, I asked for a-

ROMATIC duck."

17. I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

18. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything - trying to pack myself

in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

BIG BEN HAS BEEN SOLD!

BY IWAN BULKELEY (3RA)

Big Ben, the famous monument in Westminster, at the height of 315 feet

which is roughly 16 stories high was sold by an unknown source to a

historic monument collector. The police suspect that it has been sold to

this collector by a crew of con artists.

The police believe that the crew have by now got on a plane and are

going to spend all the money that they have stolen from the collector.

Big Ben was sold earlier this morning at about ten o`clock, as the chimes

on Big Ben confirmed. You would think that this would be near

impossible, however apparently not; a very determined historical

monument collector thought that he was getting a great deal. In the

process of him bidding near to his life savings he is left with nothing and

has sworn revenge on the people who did it to him.

Because he saw the people who conned him he has provided the police

with a sketch of every member in the crew.

Off the sketch that the historical monument collector had provided the

police believe that the leader of the gang has recently been in prison for

cheating in a card game at a casino.

NEW MUSIC REWARDS THE BRAIN

HARRY ZHOU 3RL

Using the MRI scan, a group of scientists

found the areas in the reward centre of

the brain becomes active when listening

to new music for the first time. The more

the listener enjoys what they were

listening to, the stronger the connections

were in the brain region called the

nucleus accumbens.

Dr Valorie Salimpoor, from Rotman Research Institute, in Toronto, told the BBC’s science programme:”We know that the nucleus accumbens is involved with rewarding the brain.”

“But music is abstract: It's not like you are really hungry and you are about to get a piece of food and you are really excited about it because you are going to eat it - or the same thing applies to money - that's when you would normally see activity in the nucleus accumbens. But what's cool is that you're anticipating and getting excited over something entirely abstract - and that's the next sound that is coming up."

To carry out the study, which took place in McGrill University, the scientists played 19 volunteers 60 excerpts of new music, based on their musical preferences. By analysing the scans, the scientists found out that the nucleus accumbens was “lighting up” and depending on the level of activity, the researcher could predict whether the participant was likely to buy song.

CRICKET’S SECRET CIPHERS

BY ROB WAY 3RL

A new cricketing technology is taking the world by storm. It’s being developed

in the West Indies by leading sports scientists and the West Indian cricket

team have been known to be testing the new technology in recent training

sessions.

You may be wondering what this technology is but it is a highly secretive

topic and only the scientists, the West Indian cricket team and the President

of West Indian cricket know what it is. There are many rumours, however,

from pads made of palm leaves to square cricket balls. However the most

likely according to the Sporting Technology Board of the International

Cricketing Council West Indies (STBICCWI for short) are rubber bats. The

new technology is supposed to get more ping out of the swing.

A LETTER FROM A LOVER JACK GILFOYLE

A writer wrote a thousand words per day,

and aimed to write a book, but more, display.

His feelings and emotions that did dwell,

when the lover of his dreams, become unwell.

He sat for hours thinking of a cure,

Beside his sleeping wife, he did adore.

One night a doctor came into his room,

and told the writer, what he had assumed.

The writer’s fists were clenched, eyes tearing.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing

A writer wrote a thousand words per day.

He wrote, and wrote, and wrote his sadness away...

ENRICHMENT OR ENPOORMENT?

BY RACHEL, HATTIE AND CHLOE 3JM & RL

Enrichment is designed to enrich our minds, hence the name. It is designed to give us a

break from our regular lessons but still educate us. But most of all, enrichment is designed

for us to have fun. We have interviewed a few people doing various enrichment activities, to

see what they think.

What is your enrichment choice?

Animation.

History of Art.

Drama.

Success in Schools.

Engineering.

First Aid.

Have your enjoyed enrichment this term?

Yes.

No.

It’s had it’s ups and downs.

It’s been more fun.

Yes, it’s been good.

Yes.

What has been your favourite thing about your enrichment option?

The creativity and freedom.

The pictures.

Laughing with my friends and creating relationships with new people.

The teacher makes things more fun and I enjoy the games.

Building things.

Interacting with other people.

What do you think can be improved about your enrichment?

More help from the teachers.

More interaction.

Regular drama and not just theatre drama.

Less personal questions as they can be intimidating sometimes.

Thank Mr Wilshire.

More practical things.

Is this one of your choices you picked for this term and why.

Yes because I thought it would be interesting.

Yes but I thought we would learn more.

No because I did it the year before.

I put it it the middle because the title sounded fun.

Yes, I thought it would be something to do with cars.

Yes, I have always been interested in medicine.

If you had the choice next year, would you pick this enrichment option again?

Yes, I loved it.

No, it bored me.

No, I want to try something different.

No, I don’t want to repeat things.

No, because I will miss the teacher.

Yes, I enjoyed this subject.

Key

Henry Greaves

Alice Thomas

Izzy Bosworth

Lottie Lewis

Finlay Hodgson-

Jones

Amber Disley

Britain’s Got Talent at King’s

By Joe Gillett 3RA, James Hughes 3RA, Immy Szerdy 3RA and Zak Soutter

3RL

With Britain’s Got Talent starting on ITV 1 on Saturday night, we decided to

find out what King’s pupils would do if they were going to enter the talent

contest. We went all around the school in a search for some incredible

individuals. Also, we asked some teachers what they would do infront of the

TV cameras.

Mr Hornby said that he would display his hockey tricks and Mr Punnett said he

would “do a crossword”. Rudi Macloskey would play a contemporary song on

his guitar and Terence Au said he would show everyone his electric violin.

Bradley Naylor and Charlie Bosworth from Fifths said they would do a double

act in juggling. Pippa Higgins said she would impress the judges by playing

the maracas and Sam Rogers said he would show off his Magic tricks. Also,

Luke Sawney and Tom Hill said they would do the Gangnam Style. Jordan

Basford from Thirds said he would Belly dance, Joseph Langley would sing to

a pop song and George Leeming was torn between eating Chocolate and

playing the Xbox with his forehead. Most of the Shells and Removes girls said

they would sing with Isobel Thomas who would would sing to some opera.