Well, hell. We’ve got to talk about financial aid forms. I’ve been putting it off because I

thought maybe if I waited there’d be some biblical moment and, like, Moses or somebody would

thunder down from Mt. Everest with another of his big stone clipboards and deliver an

amendment to the Ten Commandments forbidding requiring mostly law-abiding citizens from

having to devote whole potentially lovely weekends to filling out redundant, confusing forms

just in order to have a popsicle’s chance in hell of paying for college even though it’s free in

some other countries.

No such luck (but things have actually gotten a little better while I was waiting – more on

that anon). So we’ve got to talk about filling out forms, because if you want to go to college and

you’re not muy rico, if you don’t fill out the right forms with the right information at the right

time, you’re basically screwed. Fortunately, there are already books out there that tell you how to

fill out the financial aid forms. Unfortunately, they are over 300 pages and have sentences like

this one, “To qualify for the maximum AOTC, one must pay at least $4,000 towards qualified

expenses as the credit is based on 100% of the first $2,000 in expenses paid during the tax year

plus 25% of the next $2,000 in expenses paid,” the reading of which will make you very, very

sad. If you want to read that sentence in its gripping context, you can find it on page 261 of a

book, written by some probably very nice people, called Paying For College Without Going

Broke. Noodles is all for paying for college without going broke. He is also for learning about

how to pay for college without going broke without developing an urge to stab yourself, so he

suggests reading this chapter and then maybe buying your parents the book by the nice people

mentioned above as a Labor Day gift.

Because really it’s mostly your parents who get to fill out the financial aid forms anyway,

since it’s mostly their money that the colleges are trying to decide how much of to take. So what

we’re going to do here is just tell you what you need to bug your parents to do and thank them

for getting done, because it’s a pain in the ass. If you have incompetent, indifferent, or dead

parents, Noodles apologizes on behalf of God, who is not always fair, and begs you to get help

filling out financial aid forms from living, caring, competent older people. Meanwhile, here’s

some details you should know no matter what:

Fill out the FAFSA – FAFSA stands for Federal Assholes Forcing Students to fill out

Applications (JK, feds; do not sue me; you are actually very nice people for helping

young people get financial aid for college). It’s also the name of the form your family has

to submit (at no charge) to get financial aid from just about any college. After you submit

it, minions in dungeons look at all the numbers on it and come up with your EFC

(Expected Financial Colonoscopy), the amount of money the minions have determined

your family can afford to pay toward your first year of college. Then, if you’re admitted

to a college, the college has its own minions think about your EFC and how much the

college really wants you to enroll before making you a financial aid offer.

Starting in 2016 – and here’s the part that’s gotten better recently - the FAFSA for

the following school year will be released on October 1, earlier than in the past, and your

family will be able to fill it out using information from the previous tax year. That means

that if you’re planning on going to college in 2017, you can fill out the FAFSA in 2016

with financial information from your family’s 2015 tax returns. And if you do the

FAFSA online (https://fafsa.ed.gov/), you can use internet magic to have a lot of the form

automatically filled out with the necessary information from your family’s tax returns, so

the whole thing is actually pretty easy, which is very cool because it means you can be

done with the FAFSA in October and you can get an idea of your financial aid eligibility

much earlier than the unfortunate millions who have preceded you to college.

Here’s an important tip: DO NOT FAIL TO FILL OUT THE FAFSA (did I

mention it’s free?). The White House says that about two million low-income college

students who would be eligible for federal Pell Grants of up to $6000 don’t receive them

because they don’t apply. Other people don’t apply because they think there’s an income

cap on eligibility for the FAFSA. There’s not. That doesn’t mean that you’re guaranteed

to get financial aid if you apply, but income is not the only factor considered by the

minions who determine your EFC, so even if you’re wealthy-ish, go ahead and apply –

you might save a few thousand bucks. I mean, if you’re the child of Donald Trump, bless

you, just pay for college out of pocket and leave the financial aid for other people.

Otherwise, fill out the FAFSA.

And when you do, ask a lot of questions about what information you’re supposed

to share. You don’t want to lie, but you do want to provide only the information and all

the information that will maximize your financial aid, so query the worldwide web, call

the toll-free number provided by the FAFSA, or look at the boring book by the nice

people mentioned above; do whatever you need to do to get help.

And maybe the CSS/Financial Aid PROFILE – Some colleges enjoy financial aid

forms more than others, so they ask you to fill out more than one, so find out if any of the

schools you’re applying to also require the CSS/FinancialAid PROFILE administered by

the College Board. If one or more does, then you have to register and, you know, fill out

the form (https://student.collegeboard.org/css-financial-aid-profile). You’ll also have to

register for something called IDOC (https://idoc.collegeboard.org/idoc/), which is a fun

place where you can upload financial documents that the colleges want to see.

And maybe some other forms – Some colleges really enjoy financial aid forms, so

much that they make you fill out the FAFSA, the PROFILE, and some forms the college

has made up all by itself. Check and double-check that you’ve done everything you need

to do to apply for financial aid on time at any college you’re applying to. Remember,

each college has a financial aid office with telephones and employees sitting around

waiting to talk to you. Call them.

Most states also have their own financial aid programs, and some require you to

fill out another form in addition to the FAFSA. Look online or call people and find out

what you need to do. Then do it.

Apply in state – Since most states have their own aid programs, and since they usually

provide aid only to students attending in-state colleges, make sure you apply to at least

one in-state college so that you can take advantage of the possibility of extra state aid. It

doesn’t necessarily have to be a public university; in California, for instance, qualifying

students attending private colleges can receive state grants of over $9000.

It’s good not to have money – It’s usually a good idea for you to have some money, just

not when you’re applying to college, because colleges take student assets at a much

higher rate than parents’ assets. Say your family has managed to save $10,000 in a

college savings account. Colleges won’t expect you to use all of that money to pay for

your first year of college. In fact, if the fund is in your parents’ name, they’ll only claim

about 6% of it each year. But if it’s in your name, they’ll claim 20%. So if you’ve got a

significant pile of money in your name somewhere, give it your parents and have them

give what’s left back to you after you finish school.

It’s even good for your parents not to have money. Sort of. What I mean is, if

your parents need to make a big purchase – like a new car – the time to do it is before you

apply for financial aid, not after. If that money is sitting around in a savings account,

colleges will want some of it, but they won’t ask for part of your car. Same is true of

money in retirement accounts – it’s off limits to the colleges – so if your parents can

afford to put more money away for later, they should do it.

It’s (sort of) okay to be undocumented – If you are in the United States illegally, you

can’t get federal financial aid, but you may be able to get state aid, private scholarships,

and/or financial aid from colleges. If you’re a US citizen or a legal resident, your parents’

legal status doesn’t matter - you can still get federal aid. Either way YOU SHOULD

STILL FILL OUT THE FAFSA; it’s the only way to get money from colleges, which are

the main source of financial aid. You should also find out whether your home state

provides financial aid to students regardless of their legal status. Some do; some don’t.

And you should search the web for non-profit organizations like Scholarships A-Z

(http://www.scholarshipsaz.org/) and the Hispanic Scholarship Fund (https://hsf.net/)

that provide financial aid to immigrants.

First-generation students (and others who need it) must DEMAND help – If you’re

the first in your family to attend college – or if you are facing other obstacles to college

attendance – get help in the financial aid process from every source imaginable. Your

average public high school counselor has 478 students to deal with, so he may be a tad

too busy to give you all the help you need. If you live in a major urban area, though, you

might be surprised: there’s probably at least one – and maybe dozens – of organizations

near you designed to help you get to college. The National College Access Network

(http://www.collegeaccess.org) can point you to them. Those same urban areas have a lot

of private college counselors who charge wealthy people stacks of cash for their services,

but some of them might be willing to donate time to low-income kids (it’s called working

pro bono, which is Latin, I guess); call them and suggest that working with you for free

will help them get into heaven. If you live somewhere without college access

organizations and college counselors, all I can say is, don’t give up. Put an ad on

Craigslist and shout through social media: “Get into heaven sooner! Help low-income

student with financial aid applications!” Someone may pop up. Or you may be able to

get help remotely through the College Access Network or other organizations noted at the

end of the chapter. There are also scholarships out there just for people like you; I’ve

listed links to some of those at the end of the chapter. But remember, most college aid

money comes from the colleges themselves, so first – yep - fill out the FAFSA.

Unless Moses has shown up recently. In that case, skip this chapter.

https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/

Scholarships for first-generation college students:

http://www.collegescholarships.org/scholarships/first-in-family.htm

https://www.scholarships.com/financial-aid/college-scholarships/scholarships-by-type/

first-in-family-scholarships/