keys to true resilience eys to esilience · 2019. 2. 5. · why an emotions room it is not a...

TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme

LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019

Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 1

KEYS TO RESILIENCE the capacity to return to optimal functioning or

to thrive under duress

Keys to True Resilience

THE EMOTIONS ROOM: SUPPORTING EMOTIONALLY

CHALLENGING STUDENTS IN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SETTING

Martine Demers, MSpecEd, Behaviour Consultant Riverside School Board

Catherine Ducharme, BApplied Sciences, Special Education Technician, St. John’s School, RSB

Agenda 1. Introductions

2. Why an Emotions

3. Theoretical Framework – Understanding the Role of Emotion in Human Development

4. Setting up an Emotions Room

5. Using an Emotions Room

6. Questions




•  A safe place to allow for and invite the expression of emotion for children who become overwhelmed.

•  An opportunity to express emotions without repercussion. •  Items in the room are there to support expression while

keeping everyone safe. •  Allows the child to preserve their dignity. •  Provides the conditions that will allow the child to ultimately

find their sadness and tears about all that is not working in their lives.

•  Preserves the emotional and learning environment of other students and staff.

•  One step in a continuum of interventions.

WHY AN EMOTIONS ROOM

IT IS NOT A “CALM DOWN” ROOM NOR AN ISOLATION ROOM

Based on the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Canadian developmental psychologist,

Vancouver, B.C.

Hold on to your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter

More than Peers

the Attachment Key

the Vulnerability Key

the Maturation Key

DEVELOPMENTAL APPROACH




to emotional health and maturity

#1 Adult’s relationship to child’s feelings

#2 Child’s

relationship to own feelings

#3 Child’s relationship to others

expressing

naming

feeling

mixing

reflecting RESPONSIBLE SHARING

Defining EMOTION • to be stirred up

• to be moved to

- happens to us as opposed to under our control - is irrational although the brain has its reasons

- is meant to move us in ways that would serve us - creates an action potential that seeks

expression

“EMOTION NEEDS TO BE EXPRESSED”

EMOTION needs to be

EXPRESSED to preserve healthy functioning and well-

being




Emotions need to be expressed BUT… 1.  Expression is often MESSY

& NOISY, CHAOTIC & UNACCEPTABLE, ALIENATING & WOUNDING

2.  It can threaten a child’s attachments

3.  The brain can depress emotion to maintain proximity with those to whom they are attached

Once the emotion has started, it needs to MOVE through.

Need to facilitate ATTACK, before FUTILITY (SADNESS AND TEARS) can

be found.

FACILITATING SAFE ERUPTIONS

THE EMOTIONS ROOM




HOW do we help? • Create and sustain ‘safe relationships’ with

caring adults who have a ‘soft heart’.

• Make it ‘safe and easy’ for a child to express emotion in a ‘space’ that respects their dignity.

• Help them hold on to their ‘safe relationship’ until they experience the emotion and then find their tears.

• Reflect their ‘tears of sadness’ as indicators of ‘strength’

• Knowing and identifying the child's needs – it’s important for adults to get to know the signs of 'potential or upcoming' eruption with their students.

• Intervene as early as possible • Maintain dignity at all times. • A team approach - when eruptions are long in duration, or a student is upset with one adult, switching adults can be a good intervention. Changing adult helps the adults to remain patient, calm, open and comforting.


• Find the child’s natural bent for relieving foul frustration

• Come alongside when the child’s frustration is mild and suggest nonviolent ways of relieving the frustration

• Find ways of relieving some foul frustration together

• Model or SCRIPT nonviolent ways of relieving foul frustration

• Use times of strong connection to LEAD the child to ideas and good intentions regarding nonviolent eruptions





• The use of silence is often very helpful to bring down the level of intensity

• Name the child's courage and effort with working through emotions.

• Safeguard their return, ensure they will not be exposed (fragility, vulnerability, protect from judging context).

• Explain that the 'student' was expressing/working through his/her big emotions


- FACILITATING SAFE ERUPTIONS WITH TEENS -

• Allow for “swear” time

• Punching bag • Physical activity • Use of a “sh…” book

ERUPTIONS AND ATTACKING ARE CONSIDERED A DOORWAY TO

ACCESSING SADNESS AND TEARS

EMOTIONS ROOM HOW THE ROOM IS TO BE USED: ü  One student at a time. ü  The child is shown how the room is used, this can be done

through play. ü  The adult comes along side the child to help to facilitate the

expression of their emotions, especially frustration. ü  The child is given permission for the full expression of

frustration like throwing stuffed animals, swinging pool noodles, kicking balls, screaming, swearing, and punching bean bags.

ü The child is accompanied by an adult throughout their visit.

ü  Duration of the visit dependent on the child’s needs.

ü  The ultimate goal is tears.




Adaptation requires

a soft heart and a safe place to cry

Adaptation: process by which I am changed by

that which I cannot change

EMOTIONS ROOM – SAFE CRYING ROOM

1.  Start by talking about and reflecting back the Emotion i.  Frustration: “That didn’t work for you.”

“That was not what you had in mind.” ii.  Alarm: “That was scary.” “You weren’t

sure what was going to happen”. iii.  Seeking: “You really wanted them to like

you.” 2.  MATCH THE EMOTION with your tone of

voice. 3.  THEN: Move subtly towards SADNESS by

allowing a tinge of sadness in your voice.

HELPING THE TEARS TO FLOW

4.  When a child starts to cry: i.  DON’T ASK WHY ii.  DON’T MINIMIZE. If the reason seems

trivial it is because the child cannot face the true reason for their sadness. ACCEPT ANY REASON FOR TEARS

5.  Don’t try to reassure too quickly. Resist the Alpha instincts to make things better. HOLD in the SADNESS.

6.  Give lots of space to SADNESS and TEARS. 7.  Wait to problem solve until well after the

tears.





AN OLDER CHILD

1.  SAD BOOKS, MOVIES, YOUTUBE etc.

2.  IN A DARK ROOM – IN A DARK CAR

3.  SHOULDER TO SHOULDER

4.  SLIGHT TINGE OF SADNESS IN VOICE

5.  NORMALIZE SADNESS AND TEARS

6.  Once tears appear, if resistant, CHANGE THE TOPIC BUT REJOICE IN THE SADNESS


SETTING UP AN EMOTIONS ROOM

LOCATION: •  DESIGNATED FOR INTERVENTION •  EASILY ACCESSIBLE •  NOISE LEVEL •  BUT SEPARATE FROM THE CLASSROOMS •  A SMALLER, CONTAINED SPACE

CONDITIONS: • SUPPORT OF ADMINISTRATOR • STAFF UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE •  TRAINED STAFF • A BUDGET FOR SETTING UP THE ROOM

1.  Foam tiles or a thick floor mat

2.  Special dim lighting (must be unbreakable)

3.  Soft seating area, such as a bean bag chair, for providing comfort

4.  Calming scene on the wall 5.  Big gym mattress 6.  Large rubber exercise ball

SET UP OF THE ROOM




Different kinds of expression 1. Throwing:

a) Stuffed animals/puppets b)  Balls c) Velcro balls d)  Magic mitt

2. Kicking/stomping: a) To and fro ball b)  Gym mats c) Bubble wrap d)  Mini trampoline

SET UP OF THE ROOM

Different kinds of expression 3. Hitting:

a) Pillows b)  Pool noodles c) Balloons d)  Punching bag e) Exercise ball

4. Screaming: a) Screaming tube b)  Blowing up a balloon

5. Other: a) White Board for scribbling b)  Paper/thick cardboard for

ripping

SET UP OF THE ROOM

CHILDREN’S QUOTES EMOTIONS ROOM

« I hit the teddy bears and pillows and it helps get the bad energy out »

« There’s more space in there to mess around and throw stuff around…there are things you can punch. It helps me get my anger out »

« I used it to calm down by building a fort with mats and pillows and hiding underneath »

« I can be in peace there, reading helps me calm down »

« It’s nice and quiet. It’s comfortable »

« I hugged the teddy bear to feel better »




by Bill Watterson Calvin and Hobbes

STUDENTS WITH CHALLENGING BEHAVIOURS ARE JUST TRYING TO TELL US THAT THEY NEED US TO HELP THEM.

What to do with a child’s EMOTIONS

INVITE THEM

embrace them

name t

hem protect them

monitor them

support them

normalize

them

listen to them

find the right mix

treasure them

read them

HAVE PATIENCE WITH THEM

answer them

COME ALONGSIDE THEM

Eva de Gosztonyi, Martine Demers, Catherine Korah Centre of Excellence for Behaviour Management

www.cebm.ca

A website that helps schools to use Neufeld’s Developmental Approach.

keys to true resilience eys to esilience · 2019. 2. 5. · why an emotions room it is not a...

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