Kelly StandiferPharmaceutical Sciences

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Study Finds Link Between Being Struck By Cream Pie, Diminished Social StandingJANUARY 25, 2008 | ISSUE 44•04, The OnionITHACA, NY—A new study conducted by the Cornell Institute for Behavioral and Social Sciences has found what researchers believe to be a demonstrable link between being struck with a banana cream pie and a sudden, significant drop in one's public standing.

"What we have observed is nothing short of astounding," Dr. Philip Shaw, a human sciences professor at Cornell and the study's lead researcher, said Monday. "By having cream-topped pies forcibly applied to their faces—or kissers—men and women of high regard were seen to immediately fall in both status and esteem.” "Whether the subjects were wealthy shopkeepers, pompous barons of British descent, or matronly women sporting tiny opera glasses—our results were always the same," Shaw added.

The study, which was conducted with the help of 25 dignified members of the aristocracy and three rather clumsy butlers, showed a direct correlation between unexpected contact with the custard-based stimulus and a loss of social stature—

BANANA CREAM PIE STRIKE DIMINISHES SOCIAL STANDINGPhilip Shaw

Cornell Institute for Behavioral and Social Sciences, Ithaca, NY

Sharp, rapid decline in status and esteem can occur without warning by a variety of mechanisms including seltzer discharge and fruit skin-induced falls down stairs into manure. We extended these findings by employing delivery of a custard-based stimulus to determine if site of delivery, repeated delivery or method of delivery altered the subject’s overall reputation in the community.

The study utilized banana cream pies and was conducted with 25 dignified members of the aristocracy and three rather clumsy butlers in a highly controlled masquerade-ball setting. The 1/2 (time at which 50% loss of social standing was achieved) was determined for all subjects.Pie delivery resulted in at least a 12% loss of privilege and hubris in each instance, with strikes in the crotch reducing entitlement immediately by 35% (p<0.05).

This reveals a direct correlation between unexpected contact with a custard-based stimulus and a loss of social stature (r=0.95), and suggests that those soliciting donations avoid dessert-laden areas.Support provided by the Airborne Confectioner’s Association.

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