THE USE OF THE TERMS MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY TO DEFINE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

By:Kate Dodge

Background“Women are expected, allowed, and required to reveal certain emotions, and men are expected and required to deny or suppress them” (Kimmel, 2010, p. 334).

Since our culture has strict ideas of femininity and masculinity, perhaps the two are connected to the separate expectations we have for men and women. In relationships.

It’s been obvious that men and women have different ideas about love since the moment that love has been written about in literature. The differences can be seen in poetry as far back as centuries ago.

English poet Robert Browning wrote that “love is so different with us men,” while novelist Doris Lessing stated that “she’d never met a man who would destroy his work for a love affair-and she’d never met a woman who wouldn’t” (Kimmel, 2010, p. 317).

Recent Findings

A study at Southeastern University in Washington D.C. surveyed 326 undergraduates with a 74 question survey.

Researchers set out to examine undergraduate men and women’s different beliefs about love and relationships.

Study showed men were far more likely to believe that “cohabitation improves marriage, that bars are good places to meet a potential mate, that men control relationships, and that people will cheat if they feel they will not be caught” (Abowitx, Knox, Zusman & Mcneely 2009).

Found that women were more likely to trust that “love is more important than factors like age and race in choosing a mate, that couples stop trying after they marry, and that women know when their men are lying” (Abowitz et al., 2009).

More Findings

Results indicated a double standard in regards to men and women and attitudes about sexual behavior (Abowitz et al., 2009).

Men held more tolerant and positive attitudes about sex outside of marriage than the women (Abowitz et al., 2009).

The objection to masculinity being linked to power came from the women.

The study concluded that: The women favoring a relationship with an even power dynamic

was most likely linked to the fact that they are college educated women who have been exposed to less stringent gender roles (Abowitz et al., 2009).

This study concludes that there is a significant difference in how men and women perceive relationships, and the idea of masculinity being directly related to power was a reoccurring theme (Abowitz et al., 2009).

Hypothesis

Our society’s fixation with masculinity and femininity has created guidelines for how romantic relationships should be between Men and Women. I propose that there is a connection between relationships that are traditional, and the levels of masculinity and femininity the individuals feel they are. Individuals who identify as androgynous will be more likely to rebel against traditional gender roles in relationships.

My Study

Surveyed 10 heterosexual couples who are in a “serious relationship”. Had to have been dating for at least 1 year,

and had to be seeing each other exclusively. Ages 19-88 Educational levels varied from having a

high school diploma to earning a doctoral degree.

Participants were asked to answer yes or no to a series of statements pertaining to romantic relationships.

The Statements

1. Women and men should have equal power and control in the relationship.

2. Relationships are most successful when men have more control in the relationship.

3. Household duties such as cooking and cleaning should be evenly distributed between men and women.

4. Women should be the main undertaker of household duties such as cooking and cleaning.

5. The man should be the primary financial contributor in the relationship

6. Women and men should share financial responsibilities as evenly as they can.

7. Childcare should be shared evenly between the man and the woman.

8. The woman should be the primary childcare provider.

My ResultsTable 1 Mostly Masculine Mostly Androgynous Mostly Feminine

Statement 7 males

0 females

5 females

3 males

5 females

0 males

1. Women and men should have

equal power and control in the

relationship.

4 yes

3 no

All answered yes 5 yes

2. Relationships are most

successful when men have more

control in the relationship.

2 yes

5 no

All answered no 5 no

3. Household duties such as

cooking and cleaning should be

evenly distributed between men

and women.

4 yes

3 no

All yes except for 1 male and 1

female

4 yes

1 no

4. Women should be the main

undertaker of household duties

such as cooking and cleaning.

3 yes

4 no

All no except for 1 male and 1

female

4 no

1 yes

Table 1 Continued

5.The man should be the primary

financial contributor in the

relationship

3 yes

4 no

All no except for 2 males and 1

female

4 no

1 yes

6.Women and men should share

financial responsibilities as

evenly as they can

4 yes

3 no

All yes except for 2 males and 1

female

4 yes

1 no

7.Childcare should be shared

evenly between the man and the

woman.

2 yes

5 no

All yes except for 1 male and 1

female

3 yes

2 no

8.The woman should be the

primary childcare provider.

4 yes

3 no

All no except for 1 male and 1

female

2 yes

3. no

Results Majority of the males who identify as masculine believe that women should be the

primary childcare provider. I was kind of surprised about this find because the 7 out of 10 of the participants I surveyed

were between the age of 19 and 25, and I thought that their answers would be the most progressive in terms of steering away from traditional gender roles.

The majority of the males in my study identified as masculine, while the women were split evenly between feminine and androgynous. This didn’t surprise me, knowing that women are generally more able to express truths about

their identities because they aren’t in danger of being emasculated like men are. For statements 5 and 6, the answers were split evenly between yes and no for

those who identified as masculine. I found this interesting because being a financial supplier in our society has become a strict

role of being masculine. A recent study found that men “continue to define their primary role as economic providers for their families” (Trask, 2006).

I believe that the participant’s age played a role here in terms of their answers because they have grown up in a society where it is much more common for women to be financially powerful, especially compared to just 40 years ago.

It makes sense that the female who answered no to statement 3 and yes to statement 4 is 85 years old, because she grew up with more stringent gender roles.

Also worthy of noting is that those who identified as mostly feminine and those who identified as mostly androgynous all put yes for statement 1 and no for statement 2.

Looking back on it now I think the wording of these statements may have compromised the truth of the answers I received. I think the women may have instantly balked at statement 2 because it comes harsh.

ConclusionAlthough my sample size was limited, I believe my results showed some interesting correlations.

The answers given by those who identified as mostly androgynous reflected a more flexible attitude about common gender roles. This holds true with my hypothesis that a more fluent belief about gender roles is related

to a more fluent identity. I believe that my study also showed how generational gaps can play a role in

which ideologies affect your beliefs. The participants who were in the 85 to 88 age bracket tended to agree with the

statements that mirrored a more traditional relationship. I think that this is due to the fact that they grew up in an era where gender roles were

stricter, and those ideas were rooted before they were challenged by the feminist movement.

Looking back on my survey, I would have picked a larger sample size for more accuracy.

I also would have changed the wording in some of the statements to avoid the participant’s possible attempt to figure out what I was measuring. Having the participants first take the Bem Sex Role Inventory before answering to the statements would have helped to ensure the accuracy of how my participants identified in terms of masculinity, femininity, and androgyny.

Androgyny =Answer?

Although I make the connection of androgyny leading to a more fluent

attitude about gender roles, I don’t believe that everyone should be

androgynous, or that androgyny is the answer to gender inequality.

Having everyone identify as androgynous would be “mistaking equality for sameness” (Kimmel, 2010, p. 410). I feel that traits

deemed masculine and feminine need to be seen as non-gender

specific. We are not from different planets, and each gender should have the freedom to express the

traits that come naturally to them. By making femininity and masculinity

more fluent concepts we can live naturally and harmoniously, and more

as ourselves.