joycelyn campbell farther to go! 12019/10/07 · myth #1 the myth:no matter what your circumstances...

7 Self-Help Myths that Are Keeping You Stuck | Joycelyn Campbell 1

Joycelyn Campbell

Farther to Go!farthertogo.com


Table of Contents

Introduction .........................................................................................................................................................................3

Myth #1: You Always Have a Choice ...........................................................................................5

Myth #2: Learn to Trust Your Gut .....................................................................................................7

Myth #3: Decide to Be Happy................................................................................................................9

Myth #4: Discover Your Life Purpose ...................................................................................... 11

Myth #5: Learn to Think Outside the Box......................................................................13

Myth #6: Focus on the Outcome ...................................................................................................15

Myth #7: You’re Sabotaging Yourself ......................................................................................17

Summary: 7 Self-Help Myths to Let Go of! .................................................................19

Sources & Resources, Acknowledgements, About ........................................ 20


IntroductionPeople turn to self-help—or to coaches, counselors, or therapists—because they want tomake some kind of change. If change were easy, you wouldn’t need help; you would just doit. But change is not easy. That’s because change is a stability-rattling dynamic, and yourbrain craves stability. Because your brain is determined to maintain the status quo, it keeps“correcting” you back to the path you’ve been on instead of making it easy for you to switchto the one you want to be on.So you stay stuck—or worse, you move backward instead of forward.If you’re grappling with the problem of how to make positive, long-lasting change—personally, professionally, or both—the first thing you need to do is figure out what’scausing the problem. Some things that are not causing this problem include: your lack of willpower or self-control self-sabotage you don’t want it enough your negative attitude issues from your pastWhether or not any of those things are true for you, they’re not the source of this particularproblem. The source of this problem is your brain.

Change is hard because of the way your brain is wired.What you believe to be the source of a problem will determine where and how you look fora solution. If you believe you haven’t been able to change your behavior because you lackwillpower or self-control, for example, you’ll look for a solution that addresses that issue.Of course, the solution for developing more willpower or self-control requires changingyour behavior.It’s a vicious cycle.Before moving to New Mexico, I spent 30 years in Northern California, where I was exposedto and explored all kinds of self-help ideas and practices on my own behalf and on behalf ofvarious groups of clients. What set me on the path to creating Farther to Go! was therecognition that many of those tools were not as effective as they were purported to be.


They worked to some extent for some people some of the time, but they didn’t lead toconsistent results for the majority.Reliable, evidence-based information about how the brain affects and directs our behaviorwasn’t available or widely disseminated until relatively recently. But now researchconducted over the past 20-30 years, primarily in neuroscience and psychology, revealswhy so many self-help beliefs are misguided or just plain wrong.In the forward to David DiSalvo’s book, What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You ShouldDo the Opposite, science writer Wray Herbert says:

The typical psychology section of most bookstores—often called the self-helpsection—is full of books pontificating on the human condition. Some of the authorshave academic credentials and some do not—but that really doesn’t seem tomatter. All offer prescriptions for living better, but few of these prescriptions arerooted in science—or any kind of rigorous intellectual inquiry.

The self-help world is brimming with advice that is meant to be motivational. But becausemuch of this advice is based on beliefs that aren’t true, trying to follow it can haveunintended negative consequences. It’s more likely to keep you stuck than to move youforward—to make you feel worse about yourself rather than better, disempowered insteadof empowered.According to psychologist Richard Wiseman, peoplehave a remarkable ability to explain away evidencerather than change their cherished beliefs. So when wefail in our attempts to solve personal problems orchange our behavior, we don’t question our beliefs orour strategies; instead we blame ourselves and eitherdouble down on our strategy or give up altogether.This is not effective!The following seven self-help beliefs are so popularand pervasive they seem to be embedded in ourculture. But they are simply not true, which is why Icall them myths. I’ll explain why they’re myths andhow they keep you stuck, and I’ll suggest effectivebrain-based strategies to use instead.

The terms System 1 andNOTE:System 2 used in this documentrefer to the unconscious andconscious parts of the brain,respectively. Although they areoften attributed to DanielKahneman, who popularizedthem in Thinking, Fast and Slow,they were actually first used in2000 by Professor Keith E.Stanovich of the University ofToronto and Professor RichardF. West of James MadisonUniversity in Harrisonburg,Virginia.


Myth #1

THE MYTH: No matter what your circumstances are, you always have a choice abouthow to think, feel, and react. If you want to change something, all you have to do is make adifferent choice.IT’S A MYTH BECAUSE: The reality is that you rarely have a choice. Only some ofyour thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are preceded by conscious intentions. You operateon autopilot most of the time not because there’s something wrong with you (or becauseyou need to be more mindful) but because that’s how your brain is wired.The conscious part of your brain (System 2), which thinks logically, sets long-term goals,and can imagine things being different, processes about 40 bits of information at a time.But the unconscious part of your brain (System 1), which isn’t interested in your long-termgoals, and is intent on maintaining the status quo, processes around 11 million bits ofinformation at a time. It’s System 1 that runs you most of the time.Your brain doesn’t simply react to events; it predicts what’s likely to happen next. It picksup on cues and triggers, both internal and external, and initiates a response. Before youknow it, you’ve done what you usually do instead of what you wanted to do. Your brain’sautopilot thinks it knows where you want to go and does its best to get you to the “correct”destination, whether or not it’s the one you have in mind.It’s not that you lack information or tools, aren’t aware of better alternatives, or don’t knowwhat it is you would prefer to do. It isn’t as if you haven’t thought about it or had insightinto the problem—or haven’t been exposed to enough motivational exhortation.What you think and feel and do feels like it’s the result of conscious thought—and thereforeof choice. On one hand, this is a very appealing belief because the surface message ispositive, optimistic, and empowering: you are not a victim; you are the master of your fate.At any moment, you could choose to think about things differently, react differently, or dosomething different from what you did or from what you normally do. On the other hand, ifyou could simply make a different choice, why don’t you?

You Always Have a Choice.


As counterintuitive as it might seem, whenIT KEEPS YOU STUCK BECAUSE:you think you have a choice about something, you’re less likely to follow through on it.That’s because like most people, you probably equate freedom with choice and you don’twant to give up the freedom to choose—even if that means getting a result you don’t want.Believing you always have a choice sets you up with numerous opportunities to fail andbeat yourself up. It also prevents you from learning and utilizing strategies that can helpyou succeed precisely by taking choice out of the equation.Most of what you do is habitual rather than intentional because your brain is wired tocreate habits. Your brain creates habits, with or without your conscious participation, inorder to operate more efficiently. It chunks repetitive behaviors and turns the chunks overto the basal ganglia so you don’t have to waste your limited conscious attention on them.Habits—whether good or bad—are an energy-saving device.Trying to exert more willpower, think positively, engage in deep soul searching, or find theunderlying cause of a habit are all fruitless endeavors. Unfortunately, you can’t have aheart-to-heart with your basal ganglia.Ironically, believing the myth that you always have a choice may be the very thing that getsin the way of doing (choosing) something different. Operating under the assumption thatyou’re already always making conscious choices makes you less likely to pursue thestrategies that could help you increase your ability to make the changes you want to make.Have a thought-out plan for what you will do in a givenA BETTER STRATEGY IS:situation instead of winging it and hoping you’ll make the choice you want to make. It’simportant to be specific about what you intend to do and to have a clear vision of theoutcome you’re aiming for. 1) Create an intention. 2) Determine how you’re going to keepyour attention on your intention. 3) Identify what you’ll do when (not if) things don’t goaccording to plan. 4) Reward yourself when you follow through.You can reprogram your automatic behavior so it reflects what’s important to you andhelps you get what you want. The keys to doing that are not willpower and self-control butconsistency and—more importantly—repetition and perseverance. Remember that yourbrain is wired to create habits. If you do something often enough, especially if it’s tied to anexternal cue and a reward, it will become a habit.Letting go of the so-called freedom to choose will significantly increase the odds you’ll getthe result you want instead of the one you’ve been getting.


Myth #2

THE MYTH: Intuition (aka your gut or gut instinct) is a superior form of inner knowingthat you can develop and learn to rely on unilaterally.IT’S A MYTH BECAUSE: Intuition is the result of the associative thinking thattakes place in your unconscious (System 1), which sees patterns and connects dots yourconscious brain (System 2) isn’t even aware of. System 1 makes rapid-fire assessments andcommunicates them to System 2. Sometimes those assessments are accurate andsometimes they’re not. When you become consciously aware of one of them, you call itintuition. You could also call it jumping to conclusions.

Jumping to conclusions on the basis of limited evidence is important to anunderstanding of intuitive thinking. System 1 is radically insensitive to both thequality and quantity of the information that gives rise to impressions andintuitions. —Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow

Intuition goes by many different names: hunch, gut feeling, instinct, inkling, inner voice.Malcolm Gladwell refers to it as rapid cognition. Cognitive psychologist John Bargh calls itautomatic processing.No matter how we label it, intuition is the ability to know something without knowing howwe know it.One thing it isn’t is magical or mysterious or superior in some way to rational, logicalthinking. It’s just different. The world is not divided into people who are intuitive andpeople who are not. We literally couldn’t survive without intuition.Intuition is good for making short-term predictions when it’s based on training, experience,and practice. But even when the training, experience, and practice are in place, intuition isnot good for making long-term predictions or forecasts. There are just too many unknownvariables for it to account for.

Learn to Trust Your Gut.


IT KEEPS YOU STUCK BECAUSE: Trusting your intuition is precisely whatleads you to keep making those choices you don’t want to make. Since your brain isaddicted to feeling right, whether or not it is right, the confidence you feel when intuitionkicks in often can’t be trusted. Sometimes your unconscious knows what it’s talking about,but quite often it doesn’t.Intuition is domain-specific. That means if you have experience, knowledge, and practice ina particular area, your intuition is likely to be good in that area. If you have nothing to baseit on, however, your intuition is no better than a wild guess and trusting it in those cases isnot wise. If you’re a chess master, you usually make good intuitive guesses when playingchess. But your intuition concerning chess moves doesn’t carry over into areas about whichyou have no comparable training or experience.System 1 processing is also highly context-dependent. Whatever is going on at the time—the weather, your state of mind, the time of day, the last thing you ate or saw or felt—caninfluence your thoughts. So an intuitive assessment reached under one set of circumstancescould be entirely different from one reached under a different set of circumstances.And in order to make use of the 11 million bits of information it processes in any givenmoment, System 1 takes mental shortcuts known as cognitive biases that don’t require youto question your assumptions or do any heavy mental lifting. The same process (jumping toconclusions on the basis of limited evidence) that can give rise to a brilliant flash of insightin one instance can just as easily give rise to unjust stereotyping in another.Learn to recognize when to trust your intuition andA BETTER STRATEGY IS:when not to trust it. It’s just as important to know when you can rely on your intuition as itis to know when you can’t. System 1’s prime directive is to keep you alive, so when it tellsyou to step back up onto the curb to avoid an oncoming bus, don’t question it; just do it!If you want to develop your intuition in a particular area, develop your knowledge andexperience in that area. And remember that the amount of confidence you feel about yourintuition doesn’t necessarily correlate with how accurate it is.

[Intuitions] are quick first assessments of a given situation, provisional hypothesesin need of further checking. —Massimo Pigliucci, Answers for AristotleDon’t forget to check them out!Remember that System 1 wants to steer you toward immediate gratification andmaintenance of the status quo. Its concern is that you stay alive and pacified, not that youhave a life well-lived.


Myth #3

THE MYTH: Happiness is desirable and worthwhile to pursue because being happy isgood for you. And you can decide to be happy all the time in spite of your circumstances.IT’S A MYTH BECAUSE: Happiness is an emotion, and emotions are not normallystable; they come and go. Your limbic system controls your physical and emotionalresponses to stimuli in the environment. It quickly interprets an emotional experience aspleasant or unpleasant. The corresponding neurochemicals released in your brain causephysiological changes that lead you to take (or not take) various actions.

We struggle to make sense of our neurochemical ups and downs because they don’tcome from verbal logic. They come from the operating system we’ve inherited fromour ancestors. —Loretta Graziano Breuning, Your Happy Chemicals

While you can moderate your emotional responses, you can’t completely control them—which you shouldn’t try to do, anyway. You’re less likely to become depressed, for example,if you regularly experience a range of emotions instead of aiming exclusively for thepositive ones. Your happy chemicals, Breuning says, did not evolve to be on all the time.The expanding claims for the benefits of happiness, which include better health and greaterlongevity, are not backed up by the evidence. The result of research conducted by OxfordUniversity with nearly 720,000 women is that happiness and related measures of wellbeingdo not appear to have any direct effect on mortality.Even worse, your body processes empty positive emotions the same way it processeschronic adversity, which is by activating the pro-inflammatory response to prepare forbacterial threats. (Inflammation is associated with many major and minor diseases,including heart disease, various cancers, and rheumatoid arthritis.)A diet of too many empty positive emotions seems to be a lot like a diet of too many empty(sugar-, salt-, alcohol-, or fat-laden) calories.

Decide to Be Happy.


IT KEEPS YOU STUCK BECAUSE: You’re not wired for persistent happiness,which makes it neither attainable nor a worthy goal. To the extent that you have the means,you’re free to pursue the things you think will make you happy. But if you take that route,you’re likely to get stuck on what’s referred to as the hedonic treadmill where you’ll needto keep moving to acquire more and more of the things or experiences that bring youpleasure. Unfortunately, you’re probably not as good at affective forecasting—predictingwhat will make you happy in the future—as you think you are.According to Daniel Kahneman in Thinking, Fast and Slow, happiness is:…a signal to the brain that things are generally going well, the environment is safe,and it is all right to let one’s guard down. …A bad mood indicates that things arenot going very well, there may be a threat, and vigilance is required. A happy moodloosens the control of System 2 over performance: when in a good mood, peoplebecome more intuitive and more creative but also less vigilant and more prone tological errors.Sometimes things are not going well, there is a real threat, and vigilance is required. Evenwhen that’s not the case, happiness can sap your drive, make you selfish, and lead to arange of addictive behaviors.Happiness makes you feel good in the moment, but pursuing it by avoiding negativethoughts and feelings and difficult or painful situations can stunt your personaldevelopment, which can result in decreased resilience, greater susceptibility to stress, andreduced creativity and problem-solving abilities.

Focus on meaning instead of on happiness. You can’tA BETTER STRATEGY IS:pursue meaning because meaning doesn’t reside out there. You determine the meaning ofthings as well as what is meaningful to you. Because you make the determination, you havea much better chance of achieving and sustaining a meaningful, and therefore a satisfying,life than you do a happy one.Your level of satisfaction is less transient because it’s based on your evaluation of your lifeas a whole (or in general), rather than on how you feel in the moment or about a specificaspect. Focusing on what is meaningful to you orients you toward the future and away fromimmediate temptations by providing you with a sense of purpose that impedes impulsivityno matter what your underlying temperament or inclinations are.If you pursue happiness, you may get it (just not all the time), but you’re not likely to feelsatisfied. On the other hand, if you focus on meaning, you’re very likely to feel satisfied andyou may also get happiness as a bonus.


Myth #4

THE MYTH: You have a unique life purpose—a reason for existing, a calling,something particular you are meant to do. To have a good life, you must discover what thatis and then fulfill it.IT’S A MYTH BECAUSE: The idea that there’s a particular thing you’re supposedto do with your life rests on several erroneous assumptions. One is that you are a singleself, consistent in your likes and dislikes, your desires and interests and abilities over thespan of your life. Neuroscientists, philosophers, and psychologists are all coming to adifferent conclusion, however (one that aligns with Buddhism), which is that there isn’tactually a you who is having all of your experiences. Instead you are the collection of all theexperiences you have in your life.Another underlying assumption is that meaning exists outside of you and it’s up to you tofind it. But humans are compulsive meaning-makers. Meaning is determined by you—orrather, by your brain, which is constantly interpreting and determining the meaning ofevery situation, event, and circumstance you encounter.A third assumption is that identifying what you’re passionate about will help you defineyour life purpose. Maybe you’re passionate about one thing, several things, or nothing atall. But let’s say you’re passionate about fine wine. Or horses. Or helping the homeless. Ormountain climbing. Does that mean you need to turn whatever you’re passionate aboutinto a full-time pursuit? What if you’re passionate about all those things?Possibly the most dangerous assumption associated with the life purpose myth is that onceyou find it, your life will automatically become easier and more fulfilling. You’ll slide into asort of slip-stream where things are effortless because you’re doing what you’re supposedto be doing. This is reminiscent of the advice popular in the 90s to do what you love and themoney will follow. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), even ifyou have a life purpose, there is no guarantee you can avoid struggle and gain abundanceby discovering it.

Discover Your Life Purpose.


IT KEEPS YOU STUCK BECAUSE: For most people, looking for the life-purpose cheese, as I call it, often leads not to clarity and fulfillment but to a paralyzingseizure of anxiety. If you have one, why is it so hard to determine what it is? What’s the bigmystery; whose purpose is it, anyway? If it’s yours, it should not be opaque to you. If it’spart of some universal master plan that requires you to race through a series of mazes likea rat in order to find it, do you really want to play that game?As difficult as this problem is to wrestle with early on in life, as you get older it can amp upyour stress level considerably. If you haven’t found it yet, does that mean you’re a failure?Or is there still time to undertake the quest?If you’re intent on finding the One Thing, you’re likely to miss out on all the other thingsyou could be doing to create a satisfying and meaningful life. And you’re much less likely toknow when to stop pursuing something that isn’t giving you what you really want.This idea that each of us has a specific life purpose probably derives from humanity’s deepneed to understand the much bigger picture: the purpose or meaning of life itself. That isn’tsomething we can actually know from our particular vantage point, but it’s hard to livewith not knowing. So we search for the meaning of life and try to figure out what ourpurpose is in being here.Rather than trying to discover your life purpose, liveA BETTER STRATEGY IS:

with purpose. Rather than trying to find your passion, live with passion. Instead of searchingfor meaning, recognize that you’re making meaning every single minute you’re awake. Youdetermine the meaning of life—and of your life, in particular.If you believe living with passion or purpose requires first finding it, that makes you anarrow in search of a target, hoping you can hit the bull’s eye. The reality is that you canstart living with passion and purpose anytime. System 1 is wired for survival. Passion andpurpose are not part of its plan. But you can make them part of yours. And best of all, youget to decide what they are!What often gets in the way are considerations, expectations, the preconditions we tend todemand of life, or the fear of feeling fear (sometimes known as excitement). Maybe you’reafraid of stepping up, taking a risk, facing uncertainty, getting hurt or burned, failing, caringtoo much, or exceeding your reach. So you’re looking for some kind of assurance to let youknow you’re on the right track. It doesn’t exist. Decide what matters to you and do that.If you believe you’ve found your life purpose and are living it, congratulations. I mean thatsincerely. But if you’re still looking for it, feel free to give up the search. Have a bowl of icecream. Listen to some music. Call a friend. Enjoy your day.


Myth #5

THE MYTH: Thinking outside the box helps you transcend your usual mentallimitations so you can be more creative and original.The “box” is actually the mental model created,IT’S A MYTH BECAUSE:maintained, and updated by the unconscious part of your brain (System 1). It representswhat’s normal for you. Since your mental model is the lens through which you view andinterpret the world around you—and even yourself—you can’t think outside it. The boxdetermines and constrains what you see and even what you are capable of seeing, bothliterally and figuratively, as well as how you see yourself.You use what’s in your box to automatically fill in the gaps so you can make sense ofeverything you see and hear. If the requisite experience or information isn’t in your box,you won’t be able to understand what’s going on around you.You’re always inside the box, in one compartment or another. But you can’t access itdirectly to find out what’s in it. The contents are a combination of genetics, experiences,information, beliefs, skills and talents, and assumptions. Some of it is coherent; some of itisn’t. Some of it is intentional; some of it is accidental. Some of it is useful; some of it isgarbage. Some of it is stuff you want to keep; some you’d prefer to get rid of.

The concept of thinking outside the box comes from the Nine-Dot Problem,first used by psychologist N.R.F. Maier in 1930. The task is to connect all thedots by drawing four straight lines without retracing any lines or removingyour pencil from the paper. The solutions to the Nine-Dot Problem allrequire you to extend your lines outside the “box” created by the dots.In the 1970’s, thinking outside the box became a popular metaphor for unconventional andoriginal—i.e., creative—thinking. However, if you’ve ever felt stymied by the prospect ofthinking outside the box, you’ll be relieved to learn that you’re not missing anything.

Learn to Think Outside the Box.


No matter how mind-blowing they may be,IT KEEPS YOU STUCK BECAUSE:your insights depend on what’s already inside your particular box. This seems obviouswhen you think about it. Someone whose mental model includes a vast amount ofexperience and knowledge in a particular area is likely to have more and bigger creativeinsights than someone else who only dabbles in the field. Creativity involves synthesizing,remixing, and re-envisioning what’s already in the box.Most of the activity involved in problem-solving, insight, and creative thinking takes placein the unconscious (System 1), which then communicates the results to System 2. It’s anamazingly effective arrangement humans have always relied on. The best thing we can doto help this process along is exactly the opposite of what’s usually recommended. Don’talter your routines. Don’t take a new route to work. Don’t try a change of scene. Don’t go toa different café or coffee shop. Don’t try to think about things in a different way.The more mundane aspects of your life you can turn into routines, the better. The lessattention you have to put on those activities, the more attention your brain can devote toproblem-solving and idea-generating. Choreographer Twyla Tharp’s unvarying morningroutine that allows her first decision of the day to be a creative one is an excellent example.Instead of trying to get out of the box, focus onA BETTER STRATEGY IS:remodeling it. You can stretch and expand the box via physical activity (movement),learning, and exposing yourself to new situations and different viewpoints—in short, bychallenging yourself. Those activities cause your brain to grow new neurons at any age andincrease the number of connections between neurons. The more neurons and neuronalconnections your brain has, the more complex thoughts you can think, the more complexproblems you can solve, and the more you are capable of seeing and understanding. Youcan alter, literally, what and how you perceive the world.Complexity (not complication) is key. An experienced violin player can not only play morecomplex tunes, she can also identify more complex musical problems to solve. And she cansolve them faster. The situation is the same for an artist, a performer, a movie-maker, achef, a businessperson, an athlete, a hobbyist, a writer, or a world leader.

Passion is one great force that unleashes creativity, because if you’re passionateabout something, then you’re more willing to take risks. —Yo-Yo MaLive a passionate life. Be curious. Take action (start something). Be willing to fail. Learn tolive with uncertainty and to interpret failure as feedback. And remember to use both partsof your brain. Sometimes you need to apply focused System 2 attention, which is linear,logical, effortful, and slow. At other times you need unfocused System 1 attention, which isassociative, non-logical, runs in the background, and is fast.

http://quote.robertgenn.com/auth_search.php?name=Twyla%20Tharp


Myth #6

If you visualize (focus your attention on) the end-result you want, you willTHE MYTH:be more likely to achieve it.Focusing all of your attention on the end result orIT’S A MYTH BECAUSE:outcome you want actually decreases the likelihood you will attain it. A considerable bodyof research suggests that the more you visualize an outcome, the more likely you’ll be toconvince your brain you already have it, so there’s no need for you to take any action to goafter it.Visualization is a catch-all term that refers to a number of different types of mentalactivities involving the imagination. It has been suggested as a technique to assist people inachieving goals, improving their skills or performance, or obtaining (creating) anythingfrom a different attitude to a thinner body to a romantic partner to a house or a car ormoney.It’s certainly true that you’re much more likely to get what you want if you have a clearpicture or vision of what that is. But that’s not enough to help you get it. Research clearlyshows that people who focus on positive fantasies of the future take fewer actions on theirown behalf to turn those fantasies into reality.In fact, positive fantasizing or visualization of desired outcomes actually decreasesmotivation. People studied who were looking for a job applied for fewer jobs, got fewer joboffers, and generally had lower salaries when they were employed. Students whofantasized about getting good grades studied less—with predictable results.When you identify your desired outcome, you tend to focus on desirability factors: to whatextent is this going to make me happy, solve a problem, or otherwise improve my life? Inother words, why do you want it?But you also need to focus on feasibility factors: do I have the ability, knowledge, orresources to make this happen? What do I need to do to make it happen? And that meansfocusing your attention on the process of getting from here to there.

Focus on the Outcome.


Focusing on the end result keeps you fromIT KEEPS YOU STUCK BECAUSE:determining and taking the appropriate steps to achieve your desired outcome. Reaching adistant goal—which could mean two months, two years, or two decades from now—requires both delaying gratification and detailed planning in order to get your brainonboard with the program.We humans are famously unwilling to turn down a smaller reward today in exchange forreceiving a bigger reward later. If you don’t give it the direction it needs in order to get tothe end of the line, your brain will be looking to board any passing train it catches sight of,and it will be taking you right along with it. Visualization is a powerful technique that canalter your brain and even the physical strength and ability of your body. But putting allyour attention on visualizing yourself arriving at the station is counterproductive.After clearly defining your desired outcome, concentrateA BETTER STRATEGY IS:your attention on identifying the individual steps or actions you’ll need to take to get there.

Visualize yourself taking those steps.This is the type of visualization used by successful people in all walks of life to improvetheir performance on the way to achieving their goals. It works because it changes yourbrain and your body so that following through becomes the default response.As an example, when Michael Phelps was a teenager, his swim coach, Bob Bowman, wouldtell him to go home and watch the videotape before he went to sleep and again when hewoke up. The videotape was a mental visualization of the perfect race.Each night before falling asleep and each morning after waking up, Phelps wouldimagine himself jumping off the blocks and, in slow motion, swimming flawlessly.He would visualize his strokes, the walls of the pool, his turns, and the finish. Hewould imagine the wake behind his body, the water dripping off his lips as hismouth cleared the surface, what it would feel like to rip off his cap at the end. Hewould lie in bed with his eyes shut and watch the entire competition, the smallestdetails, again and again, until he knew each second by heart. … Eventually, allBowman had to do before a race was whisper, "Get the videotape ready," andPhelps would settle down and crush the competition. —Charles Duhigg, LifehackerConcentrating on process—the steps or activities necessary to achieve your desiredresult—helps you focus your attention, leads to more realistic expectations, and reducesanxiety. This allows you to anticipate potential problems as well as potential solutions. Itmakes taking the steps so much easier, especially if you break them down into smallercomponent parts, and increases the likelihood you’ll succeed.


Myth #7

THE MYTH: When what you do is inconsistent with your conscious intentions or goals,it’s because some part of your unconscious is undermining you.Sabotaging someone means deliberately—althoughIT’S A MYTH BECAUSE:secretly or slyly—attempting to hinder their efforts to accomplish something. Self-sabotagewould mean that one part of you is deliberately but secretively attempting to hinder your

own efforts.Your unconscious is doggedly persistent and jumps to avariety of questionable conclusions. But it doesn’t haveit in for you. It doesn’t plot and scheme to try to keepyou down or “protect” you from success. It has novested interest in what you consider good behavior orbad, positive outcomes or negative. It doesn’t care aboutyour dreams and goals, your ambitions, or your bigideas.Your unconscious cares about two things: survival andmaintaining the status quo. So when you decide tochange something, you can expect it to balk and to keep“correcting” you back to your original path. It wants youto keep doing whatever it is you’ve been doing becausethat conserves energy and because you’re still here, so itappears to be working.Your unconscious also wants to pacify you so that youfeel good in the moment, whether or not what you’redoing is in your long-term best interest. So in the momentyou’re much more likely to do what you’ve always done before, especially if it’spleasurable, than you are to make a different choice (see Myth #1). Changing behavior isnot easy, but neither is it as complicated or convoluted as some folks make it out to be.

You’re Sabotaging Yourself.

The term self-sabotage is oftenused as a synonym for self-defeating, self-destructive, orsimply inappropriate ormaladaptive behavior. Havingtoo many drinks or eating toomany cookies, too often, couldhave undesirable consequences.But the drinking or cookie-eating could only be consideredsabotage if one part of youintends to not overindulge butanother part of you deliberatelyundermines your intentions foran unknown reason. Bydefinition, self-sabotage isn’taccidental or an unfortunateside-effect.


IT KEEPS YOU STUCK BECAUSE: If you believe in the concept of self-sabotage, you’re faced with the problem of determining how and why you’re sabotagingyourself. This is a major diversion of attention. It can lead to squandering a considerableamount of time looking in all the wrong places for the explanation for your problem insteadof taking steps to solve it.You may be tempted to accept the first reasonable-sounding explanation as the answer tothe question, construct a story about it, and then proceed as if you’ve uncovered a hiddentruth. However, attempting to identify the source of your self-sabotaging behavior ispointless because anything that might fit the description would be unconscious—andthere’s no way for you to look inside your unconscious to see what’s there, let alone to fix it.Besides, even if you were able to uncover what you believe to be the message you got whenyou were four years old that leads you to eat so many cookies now, so what? Determiningwhy you’ve become a cookie monster isn’t the point. You don’t want to understand whyyou scarf down so many of those sugary treats. You want to stop doing it.Instead ofA BETTER STRATEGY IS:searching for hidden reasons to explain why youdon’t always follow through with what you set out todo, focus on acquiring the fundamentals that willhelp you change your behavior.The problem lies with the conscious part of yourbrain, not with the unconscious part.If you want to change the status quo, you need to beclear about what you want (identify your desiredoutcome), and you need to have a plan outlining thesteps it will take to get there. After that, applyrepetition and persistence—lots of repetition andlots of persistence.The unconscious part of your brain will eventuallyresponds to repetition and persistence by alteringthe status quo. Once you have a new status quo thatbetter lines up with your conscious intentions, yourunconscious will work just as hard to keep you onthat track as it did to keep you on the old, lessdesirable one.

A CAUTIONARY NOTE: Youmay have heard that it takes aset number of days, such as 21,to create a new habit. If thehabit you’re trying to create isstill wobbly after 21 days, youmay start to wonder if you’resabotaging yourself. But there isno set number of days it takes tocreate or change a habit becausethere are too many variablesinvolved. The longer you stickwith it, the likelier you are to besuccessful. Changing the statusquo just requires morerepetition and persistence thanmost people expect. It isn’t assexy as searching for your innersaboteur, but it gets the jobdone.


7 Self-Help Myths to Let Go of!

Myth #1: You Always Have a Choice

Instead of hoping you’ll make a different choice, put a plan in place for what you will do ina given situation. In the meantime, stop beating yourself up for not making differentchoices.

Myth #2: Learn to Trust Your Gut

Instead of automatically trusting your gut, consider your intuitive responses to beprovisional assessments in need of verification. Know when you can trust them and whenyou can’t. And don’t mistake confidence (the feeling of knowing) for correctness.

Myth #3: Decide to Be Happy

Instead of pursuing happiness, determine what has meaning for you and focus on that. Ifyou create a meaningful life, you’re likely to be satisfied—and you may also be happy.

Myth #4: Discover Your Life Purpose

Instead of trying to find your life purpose or passion, live with purpose and passion. It’syour life! Determine to make it a satisfying and meaningful one.

Myth #5: Learn to Think Outside the Box

Instead of trying to think outside the box, focus on building a better box by challengingyourself: learn, move, and expose yourself to new situations and different perspectives.

Myth #6: Focus on the Outcome

Instead of focusing all your attention on your desired outcome, identify what you’ll need todo to get there and visualize yourself taking those steps.

Myth #7: You’re Sabotaging Yourself

Instead of searching for hidden explanations as to why you don’t always act in your ownbest interest or do what you intended to do, learn the fundamentals of behavior change.Repetition and perseverance may be boring, but they are highly effective.


Sources & ResourcesIncognito by David EaglemanThinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel KahnemanThe Power of Habit by Charles DuhiggWhat Makes Your Brain Happy, and Why You Should Do the Opposite by David DiSalvoBrain Rules by John MedinaThe Creative Habit by Twyla TharpYou can find an extensive Reading List at farthertogo.com (under the About tab).

AcknowledgementsDeep and sincere gratitude to everyone who has participated in this amazing discoveryprocess with me, including the four wonderful women who allowed themselves to be myguinea pigs for considerably longer than I had any right to expect, as well as all the greatclients, past and present, whom I’ve had the opportunity to work with and get to know.I’d like to expressly acknowledge my friend Patricia McCarron, whowas not only my first—and possibly most challenging—client, butwhose image served as the original logo for Farther to Go! Logo girl,as we affectionately referred to her, was quite good humored aboutbeing, in her words, “replaced by hamsters.”Patricia recently passed away. She is missed by many.About Farther to Go!

The purpose of Farther to Go! is to train people who are up to something to master the artand science of change so they can create consistently satisfying and meaningful lives andmake the difference they want to make in the world. Find out more at farthertogo.com.

http://farthertogo.com/

joycelyn campbell farther to go! 12019/10/07 · myth #1 the myth:no matter what your circumstances...

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