“Awonderfullycomprehensivebook.Theauthorshavemadeiteasytounderstandhowourmindsfunctionandhowtomakechangessothatwecanlivehappier,fullerlives.”

—SharonSalzberg,authorofLovingkindness

“Solidlygroundedinthelatestneuroscientificresearch,andsupportedby a deep understanding of contemplative practice, this book isaccessible, compelling, and profound—a crystallization of practicalwisdom!”

—Philip David Zelazo, Ph.D., Nancy M. andJohn E. Lindahl Professor at the Institute ofChildDevelopment,UniversityofMinnesota

“This is simply the best book I have read onwhy and howwe canshape our brains to be peaceful and happy. This is a book that willliterallychangeyourbrainandyourlife.”

—Jennifer Louden, author of The Woman’sComfortBookandTheLifeOrganizer

“Buddha’s Brain is a significant contribution to understanding theinterfacebetweenscienceandmeditationinthepathoftransformation.Illuminating.”

—JosephGoldstein, author ofAHeart Full ofPeaceandOneDharma

“Buddha’s Brain is compelling, easy to read, and quite educational.Thebookskillfullyanswersthecentralquestionofeachofourlives—how to be happy—by presenting the core precepts of Buddhismintegratedwithaprimeronhowourbrainsfunction.Thisbookwillbehelpful to anyonewanting to understand time-testedways of skillfullivingbackedupbyup-to-datescience.“

—FredericLuskin,Ph.D.,authorofForgivefor

Good and director of Stanford ForgivenessProjects

“I wish I had a science teacher like Rick Hanson when I went toschool.Buddha’sBrainisatoncefun,fascinating,andprofound.Itnotonly showsus effectiveways to develop real happiness in our lives,but also explains physiologically how and why they work. As heinstructs us to do with positive experiences, take in all the goodinformationthisbookoffersandsavorit.”

—James Baraz, author of Awakening Joy andcofounderofSpiritRockMeditationCenter

“Withthemindofascientist,theperspectiveofapsychologist,andthewiseheartofaparentanddevotedmeditator,RickHansonhascreatedaguideforallofuswhowanttolearnaboutandapplythescintillatingnew research that embraces neurology, psychology, and authenticspiritualinquiry.Up-to-datediscoveriescombinedwithstate-of-the-artpracticesmake this book an engaging read.Buddha’sBrain is at thetopofmylist!”

—RichardA.Heckler,Ph.D.,assistantprofessorat John F. Kennedy University in PleasantHill,CA

“An illuminating guide to the emerging confluence of cutting-edgeneuropsychology and ancient Buddhist wisdom filled with practicalsuggestions on how to gradually rewire your brain for greaterhappiness.Lucid,good-humored,andeasilyaccessible.”

—John J. Prendergast, Ph.D., adjunct associateprofessorofpsychologyatCaliforniaInstituteof Integral Studies and senior editor of TheSacredMirror andListening from the HeartofSilence

“Buddha’sBrainwillshowyouhowmentalpractices,informedbythe

contemplative traditions, can increase your capacity for experiencinghappinessandpeace.Thisbookprovidesascientificunderstandingofthesemethods, and clear guidance for practices that cultivate awiseandfreeheart.”

—Tara Brach, Ph.D. author of RadicalAcceptance

“Thisbookenablesustounderstandthewhysandhowsofourhumanoperatingsystemsowecanmakemoreinformedactionsthatallowusto live our livesmore fully, compassionately, andwith greaterwell-beingandkindnesstowardsothersandourselves.WhatIfindexcitingaboutBuddha’sBrainisRickHanson’sabilitytoclearlydelineatetheroot causes of suffering and explain pertinent ways we can actuallychangethesecausesandeffectlastingchangeonalllevelsofourmind,body, and interpersonal relationships. His informative, relaxed, andeasy-to-readstyleofwritingmademewanttopickupthisbookagainand again and dive ever more deeply into the complexities of ourhuman engineering. Buddha’s Brain is now on my recommendationlistforallmystudentsandteachers-in-training.”

—RichardC.Miller, Ph.D., founding presidentofIntegrativeRestorationInstitute

“Numerouswritings in recent years have exacerbated the traditionalriftbetweenscienceandreligion;however,therehasbeenarefreshingparallel movement in the opposite direction. Neuroscientists havebecome increasingly interested in using first-person introspectiveinquiries of the mind to complement their third-person, Westernscientificinvestigationsofthebrain.Buddhistcontemplativepracticesareparticularlyamenabletosuchcollaboration,invitingeffortstofindneurobiological explanations for Buddhist philosophy. Stripped ofreligious baggage, Buddha’s Brain clearly describes how modernconcepts of evolutionary and cognitive neurobiology support coreBuddhist teachingsandpractice.Thisbook shouldhavegreat appealfor those seeking a secular spiritual path, while also raising manytestablehypothesesforinterestedneuroscientists.”

—JeromeEngel,Jr.,MD,Ph.D.,JonathanSinay

Distinguished Professor of Neurology,Neurobiology, and Psychiatry andBiobehavioral Sciences at the University ofCalifornia,LosAngeles

“Buddha’s Brain makes a significant contribution to the currentdynamic dialogue among neuroscience, psychology, and Buddhistdisciplinesofmindtraining.Drawingonthewisdombornoftheirownmeditationpracticeandtheirscientificbackgrounds,theauthorspointagainandagain to thepossibilitiesof thedeep transformationofourmindsandlives.”

—ChristinaFeldman,authorofCompassionandTheBuddhistPathtoSimplicity

“Recentdevelopments inpsychologyand theneuroscienceshave ledto clear and powerful insights about how our brains work and howtheseneurologicalfunctionsshapeourexperienceoftheworld.Theseinsights are profoundly congruent with the wisdom that has beendevelopedoverthousandsofyearsinthecontemplativetraditions.TheauthorsofBuddha’sBrainhavegivenusaconciseandpracticalguidetohowthesetwocurrentsofknowledgecanbeusedtotransformourcapacity to engage both ourselves and others with wisdom,compassion,andmindfulness.”

—Robert D. Truog,MD, professor at HarvardMedical School, executive director of theInstitute for Professionalism and EthicalPractice, and senior associate in critical caremedicineatChildren’sHospital,Boston

“A clear introduction to some basic principles of neuroscience anddharma.”

—Roger Walsh, MD, Ph.D., professor at theUniversityofCalifornia,Irvine,andauthorofEssentialSpirituality

“Buddha’sBrainbrilliantlyrevealstheteachingsoftheBuddhainthelight of modern neuroscience. This is a practical guide to changingyourreality.ThisisyourbrainonDharma!”

—Wes “Scoop” Nisker, author of EssentialCrazyWisdomandeditorofInquiringMind

Publisher’sNote

Thispublicationisdesignedtoprovideaccurateandauthoritativeinformationinregardtothesubjectmattercovered.Itissoldwiththeunderstandingthatthepublisherandauthorsarenotengagedinrenderingpsychological,financial,legal,orotherprofessionalservices.Ifexpertassistanceorcounselingisneeded,theservicesofacompetentprofessionalshouldbesought.

DistributedinCanadabyRaincoastBooksCopyright©2009byRickHansonNewHarbingerPublications,Inc.5674ShattuckAvenueOakland,CA94609www.newharbinger.com

AcquiredbyMelissaKirkAllRightsReservedePubISBN:9781608820474

TheLibraryofCongresshascatalogedtheprinteditionas:Hanson,Rick.Buddha’sbrain:thepracticalneuroscienceofhappiness,love,andwisdom/RickHansonwithRichardMendius.p.cm.Includesbibliographicalreferences.ISBN-13:978-1-57224-695-9(pbk.:alk.paper)ISBN-10:1-57224-695-2(pbk.:alk.paper)1.Neuropsychology.2.Happiness.3.Love.4.Wisdom.5.Buddhismandscience.I.Mendius,Richard.II.Title.QP360.H3352009

612.8--dc22

2009023477

ContentsForewordPrefaceAcknowledgements

IntroductionChapter1.TheSelf-TransformingBrain

PartOne:TheCausesofSufferingChapter2.TheEvolutionofSufferingChapter3.TheFirstandSecondDart

PartTwo:HappinessChapter4.TakingintheGoodChapter5.CoolingtheFiresChapter6.StrongIntentionsChapter7.Equanimity

PartThree:LoveChapter8.TwoWolvesintheHeartChapter9.CompassionandAssertionChapter10.BoundlessKindness

PartFour:WisdomChapter11.FoundationsofMindfulnessChapter12:BlissfulConcentrationChapter13:RelaxingtheSelfAppendix:NutritionalNeurochemistrybyJanHanson,L.Ac.ReferencesAbouttheAuthors

ForewordBuddha’s Brain is an invitation to use the focus of your mind to harness thepower of attention to enhance your life and your relationships with others.Synthesizing ancient insights from contemplative practice in the Buddhisttraditions with modern discoveries from the field of neuroscience, Drs. RickHansonandRichardMendiushaveassembledathought-provokingandpracticalguidethatwalksyoustep-by-stepthroughawakeningyourmind.Arevolutioninsciencehasrecentlyrevealedthattheadultbrainremainsopen

tochangethroughoutthelifespan.Thoughmanybrainscientistshaveinthepaststated that the mind is just the activity of the brain, we now can look at theconnection between these two dimensions of our lives from a differentperspective.Whenweconsiderthemindasanembodiedandrelationalprocessthatregulatestheflowofenergyandinformation,wecometorealizethatwecanactuallyusethemindtochangethebrain.Thesimpletruthisthathowwefocusour attention, howwe intentionally direct the flow of energy and informationthroughourneuralcircuits,candirectlyalterthebrain’sactivityanditsstructure.Thekeyistoknowthestepstowardusingourawarenessinwaysthatpromotewell-being.Knowingthatthemindisrelationalandthatthebrainisthesocialorganofthe

body,we also come to another newpoint of view:Our relationshipswith oneanotherarenotacasualpartofourlives;theyarefundamentaltohowourmindsfunctionandareanessentialaspectofbrainhealth.Oursocialconnectionswithone another shape our neural connections that form the structure of the brain.Thismeansthatthewaywecommunicatealterstheverycircuitryofourbrain,especially inways thathelpkeepour lives inbalance.Science furtherverifiesthatwhenwecultivatecompassionandmindfulawareness inour lives—whenwe letgoof judgments andattend fully to thepresent—weareharnessing thesocialcircuitsof thebrain toenableus to transformevenourrelationshipwithourownself.The authors have woven together Buddhist practices developed over two

thousandyearsandnewinsights into theworkingsof thebrain toofferus thisguidetointentionallycreatingthesepositivechangesinourselves.Moderntimesoftencauseustogoonautomaticpilot,continuallymultitaskingandbusyingourliveswithdigitalstimulation,informationoverload,andschedulesthatstressourbrains and overwhelm our lives. Finding time to pause amidst this chaos has

becomeanurgentneedfewofustakethetimetosatisfy.WithBuddha’sBrain,we are invited to take a deep breath and consider the neural reasonswhyweshould slow ourselves down, balance our brain, and improve our connectionswithoneanother,andwithourself.Theexercisesofferedherearebasedonpracticesthathavebeenscientifically

demonstratedtohavepositiveeffectsinshapingourinternalworldbymakingusmore focused, resilient, and resourceful. These well-established steps alsoenhance our empathy for others,widening our circles of compassion and careinto the interconnectedworld inwhichwelive.Thepromiseofharnessingourminds to change our brains through these practices is to build the circuits ofkindnessandwell-beingmomentbymoment,oneperson,onerelationshipatatime.Whatmorecanweaskfor?Andwhatbettertimetobeginthannow?

DanielJ.Siegel,MD

Mindsight:TheNewScienceofPersonalTransformationandTheMindfulBrain:ReflectionandAttunementintheCultivationofWell-Being

MindsightInstituteandtheUCLAMindfulAwarenessResearchCenter

LosAngeles,California

June2009

Preface

In Buddha’s Brain, Drs. Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius offer you abeautifully clear andpractical connection to the essentialwisdom teachingsoftheBuddha.Usingthecontemporarylanguageofscientificresearch,theyinvitethereadertoopentothemysteriesofthemind,bringingamodernunderstandingto the ancient and profound teachings of inner meditation practice. Buddha’sBrainskillfullyweavestheseclassicalteachingswiththerevolutionaryfindingsof neuroscience, which has begun to confirm the human capacities formindfulness, compassion, and self-regulation that are central to contemplativetraining.In reading this book, you will learn both brain science and practical inner

waystoenhancewell-being,developeaseandcompassion,andreducesuffering.Youwillbeintroducedtowisenewperspectivesonlifeandthebiologicalbasesfor fostering the development of this wisdom. These chapters will help youbetter understand the workings of the mind and the neurological roots ofhappiness,empathy,andinterdependence.Theteachingsthatunderlieeachchapter—thenobletruths,thefoundationsof

mindfulness, and the development of virtue, lovingkindness, forgiveness, andinner peace—are straightforward and immediate, presentedwith the Buddha’sopenhandedinvitationforeachpersontounderstandindividually.Thepracticesthat follow these teachings are equally clear and authentic. They offerfundamentallythesametrainingsyouwouldreceiveinameditationtemple.I have seen Rick and Richard offer these teachings, and I respect how

positively it affects theminds and hearts of thosewho come to practicewiththem.More than ever, the human world needs to find ways to build love,

understanding,andpeace,individuallyandonaglobalscale.Maythesewordscontributetothiscriticalendeavor.

Blessings,

JackKornfield,Ph.D.

SpiritRockCenter

Woodacre,California

June2009

Acknowledgements

Wewouldliketothankandacknowledgemanypeople:Ourspiritualteachers,includingChristinaFeldman,JamesBaraz,TaraBrach,

Ajahn Chah, Ajahn Amaro, Ajahn Sumedho, Ajahn Brahm, Jack Kornfield,SylviaBoorstein,GuyandSallyArmstrong,JosephGoldstein,KamalaMasters(special thanksfor thechapteronequanimity),SteveArmstrong,GilFronsdal,PhillipMoffit,WesNisker,andAdiDa.Ourintellectualteachersandmentors,includingDanSiegel,EvanThompson,

RichardDavidson,MarkLeary,BernardBaars,WilCunningham,PhilZelazo,AntoineLutz,AlanWallace,WilliamWaldron,AndyOlendzki, JeromeEngel,FrankBenson, and FredLuskin; during the final preparation of this book,wecame across a paper written by Drs. Davidson and Lutz entitled “Buddha’sBrain,” andwe respectfully acknowledge their prior use of that term;we alsobowtothememoryofFranciscoVarela.Ourbenefactors,includingSpiritRockMeditationCenter,theMindandLife

Institute, Peter Bauman, the members of the San Rafael Meditation Group,Patrick Anderson, Terry Patten, Daniel Ellenberg, Judith Bell, Andy Dreitcer,MichaelHagerty,JulianIsaacs,StephenLevine,RichardMiller,DeannaClark,theCommunityDharmaLeadersProgram,andSueThoele.Our careful readers, who made many helpful suggestions, including Linda

Graham,Carolyn Pincus,HaroldHedelman, SteveMeyers,GayWatson, JohnCasey,CherylWilfong,JeremyLent,andJohnPrendergast.Our wonderful editors and designers at New Harbinger, including Melissa

Kirk,JessBeebe,AmyShoup,andGloriaSturzenacker.Our painstaking and large-hearted illustrator, Brad Reynolds

(www.integralartandstudies.com).Our families, including Jan, Forrest, and Laurel Hanson; Shelly Scammell;

Courtney,Taryn, and IanMendius;WilliamHanson;Lynne and JimBramlett;Keith and Jenny Hanson; Patricia Winter Mendius, Catherine M. Graber, E.LouiseMendius,andKarenM.Chooljian.Andthemanyotherpeoplewhohaveopenedthemindandheartofeachofus.

Introduction

Thisbookisabouthowtoreachinsideyourownbraintocreatemorehappiness,love, and wisdom. It explores the historically unprecedented intersection ofpsychology,neurology,andcontemplativepracticetoanswertwoquestions:

What brain states underlie the mental states of happiness, love, andwisdom?Howcanyouuse yourmind to stimulate and strengthen these positivebrainstates?

The result is a practical guide to your brain, full of tools you can use tograduallychangeitforthebetter.RichardisaneurologistandI’maneuropsychologist.WhileI’vewrittenmost

of the words here, Richard has been my long-time collaborator and teachingpartner;hisinsightsintothebrainfromhisthirtyyearsasaphysicianarewoveninto these pages. Together we’ve founded the Wellspring Institute forNeuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom; its website, www.wisebrain.org,offersmanyarticles,talks,andotherresources.In thisbookyou’ll learneffectiveways todealwithdifficultstatesofmind,

including stress, lowmood, distractibility, relationship issues, anxiety, sorrow,and anger. But our main focus will be on positive well-being, psychologicalgrowth, and spiritual practice. For thousands of years, contemplatives—theOlympicathletesofmentaltraining—havestudiedthemind.Inthisbookwe’lltakethecontemplativetraditionweknowbest—Buddhism—andapplyittothebraintorevealneuralpathwaystohappiness,love,andwisdom.Nooneknowsthe full nature of the brain of a Buddha or of any other person. But what isincreasinglyknownishowtostimulateandstrengthentheneuralfoundationsofjoyful,caring,anddeeplyinsightfulstatesofmind.

HowtoUseThisBookYoudon’t need any background in neuroscience, psychology, ormeditation touse this book. Itweaves together information andmethods—like an operating

manualforyourbraincombinedwitha toolbox—andyou’ll find the tools thatworkbestforyou.Because the brain is fascinating, we’ve presented a good deal of the latest

science about it, including numerous references in case you want to look upthese studies yourself. (But to avoid this turning into a textbook, we’vesimplified the descriptions of neural activities to focus on their essentialfeatures.)Ontheotherhand,ifyou’remoreinterestedinpracticalmethods,it’sfine to glide over the science parts.Of course, psychology and neurology areboth such young sciences that there’s a lot they don’t understand yet. So wehaven’t attempted to be comprehensive. In fact, we’ve been opportunistic,focusing onmethods that have a plausible scientific explanation for how theylightupyourneuralnetworksofcontentment,kindness,andpeace.Thesemethods include some guidedmeditations. The instructions for these

aredeliberatelyloose,oftenincludinglanguagethat’spoeticandevocativeratherthannarrowandspecific.Youcanapproachtheseindifferentways:youmightjust read and think about them; you might bring parts of them into anymeditativepracticesyouarealreadydoing;youmightworkthroughthemwithafriend; or you might record the instructions and do them by yourself. Theinstructionsarejustsuggestions;pauseaslongasyoulikebetweenthem.Thereisnowrongwaytodoameditation—therightwayiswhatfeelsrighttoyou.Awordofcaution:Thisbookisn’tasubstituteforprofessionalcare,anditis

nota treatmentforanymentalorphysicalcondition.Different thingsworkfordifferent people. Sometimes a method may stir up uncomfortable feelings,especiallyifyouhaveahistoryoftrauma.Feelfreetoignoreamethod,discussitwithafriend(orcounselor),changeit,ordropit.Bekindtoyourself.Last,ifIknowonethingforsure,it’sthatyoucandosmallthingsinsideyour

mindthatwill leadtobigchangesinyourbrainandyourexperienceof living.I’veseenthishappenagainandagainwithpeopleI’veknownasapsychologistorasameditationteacher,andI’veseenitinmyownthoughtsandfeelingsaswell.Youreallycannudgeyourwholebeinginabetterdirectioneveryday.Whenyouchangeyourbrain,youchangeyourlife.

chapter1

TheSelf-TransformingBrain

Theprincipalactivitiesofbrainsaremakingchangesinthemselves.—MarvinL.Minsky

Whenyourmindchanges,yourbrainchanges,too.InthesayingfromtheworkofthepsychologistDonaldHebb:whenneuronsfiretogether,theywiretogether—mental activity actually creates new neural structures (Hebb 1949; LeDoux2003).Asaresult,evenfleetingthoughtsandfeelingscanleavelastingmarksonyourbrain,muchlikeaspringshowercanleavelittletrailsonahillside.Forexample,taxidriversinLondon—whosejobrequiresrememberinglotsof

twisty streets—develop a larger hippocampus (a key brain region for makingvisual-spatial memories), since that part of the brain gets an extra workout(Maguireetal.2000).Asyoubecomeahappierperson,theleftfrontalregionofyourbrainbecomesmoreactive(Davidson2004).What flows through yourmind sculpts your brain. Thus, you can use your

mindtochangeyourbrainforthebetter—whichwillbenefityourwholebeing,andeveryotherpersonwhoselifeyoutouch.Thisbookaimstoshowyouhow.You’ll learnwhatthebrainisdoingwhen

themind is happy, loving, andwise. And you’ll learnmanyways to activatethese brain states, strengthening them a bit each time. This will give you theability to gradually rewire your own brain—from the inside out—for greaterwell-being,fulfillmentinyourrelationships,andinnerpeace.

YourBrain—BasicFacts

Yourbrainisthreepoundsoftofu-liketissuecontaining1.1trillioncells,including 100 billionneurons.On average, each neuron receives aboutfivethousandconnections,calledsynapses, fromotherneurons(Linden2007).At its receiving synapses, a neuron gets signals—usually as a burst ofchemicals calledneurotransmitters—from other neurons. Signals tell aneuron either to fire or not; whether it fires depends mainly on thecombinationofsignalsitreceiveseachmoment.Inturn,whenaneuronfires,itsendssignalstootherneuronsthroughitstransmittingsynapses,tellingthemtofireornot.Atypicalneuronfires5–50 timesasecond. In the timeit takesyoutoread the bullet points in this box, literally quadrillions of signals willtravelinsideyourhead.Each neural signal is a bit of information; your nervous systemmovesinformation around like your heart moves blood around. All thatinformation is what we define broadly as themind, most of which isforever outside your awareness. In our use of the term, the “mind”includes the signals that regulate the stress response, the knowledge ofhow to ride a bike, personality tendencies, hopes and dreams, and themeaningofthewordsyou’rereadinghere.Thebrainistheprimarymoverandshaperofthemind.It’ssobusythat,even though it’s only 2 percent of the body’s weight, it uses 20– 25percentof its oxygenandglucose (Lammert2008).Like a refrigerator,it’s always humming away, performing its functions; consequently, it

uses about the same amount of energy whether you’re deep asleep orthinkinghard(RaichleandGusnard2002).Thenumberofpossiblecombinationsof100billionneuronsfiringornotis approximately10 to themillionthpower, or1 followedby amillionzeros,inprinciple;thisisthenumberofpossiblestatesofyourbrain.Toput thisquantity inperspective, thenumberofatoms in theuniverse isestimatedtobe“only”about10totheeightiethpower.Consciousmentaleventsarebasedon temporarycoalitionsofsynapsesthatformanddisperse—usuallywithinseconds—likeeddiesinastream(Rabinovich,Huerta,andLaurent2008).Neuronscanalsomakelastingcircuits, strengthening their connections to each other as a result ofmentalactivity.The brain works as a whole system; thus, attributing some function—such as attention or emotion—to just one part of it is usually asimplification.Your brain interacts with other systems in your body—which in turninteract with the world—plus it’s shaped by the mind as well. In thelargestsense,yourmindismadebyyourbrain,body,naturalworld,andhuman culture—as well as by the mind itself (Thompson and Varela2001).We’resimplifyingthingswhenwerefertothebrainasthebasisofthemind.Themindandbrain interactwith eachother soprofoundly that they’rebestunderstoodasasingle,co-dependent,mind/brainsystem.

AnUnprecedentedOpportunityMuch as themicroscope revolutionized biology, in the past few decades newresearch tools such as functional MRIs have led to a dramatic increase inscientificknowledgeaboutthemindandbrain.Asaresult,wenowhavemanymorewaystobecomehappierandmoreeffectiveindailylife.

Wehaveprobablylearnedmoreaboutthebraininthepasttwentyyearsthaninallofrecordedhistory.

—AlanLeshner

Meanwhile, there’s been a growing interest in the contemplative traditions,whichhavebeeninvestigating themind—andthus thebrain—for thousandsofyears, quieting the mind/brain enough to catch its softest murmurs anddeveloping sophisticated ways to transform it. If you want to get good atanything, ithelps to study thosewhohavealreadymastered that skill, suchastop chefs on TV if you like to cook. Therefore, if you’d like to feel morehappiness, inner strength, clarity, and peace, it makes sense to learn fromcontemplativepractitioners—bothdedicatedlaypeopleandmonastics—who’vereallypursuedthecultivationofthesequalities.Although “contemplative” may sound exotic, you’ve been contemplative if

you’veevermeditated,prayed,orjustlookedatthestarswithasenseofwonder.Theworldhasmanycontemplativetraditions,mostofwhichareassociatedwithits major religions, including Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, andBuddhism. Of these, science has engaged Buddhism the most. Like science,Buddhismencouragespeopletotakenothingonfaithaloneanddoesnotrequireabelief inGod.Italsohasadetailedmodelof themindthat translateswell topsychology and neurology. Consequently, with great respect for othercontemplative traditions,we’ll draw particularly onBuddhist perspectives andmethods.

Anythinglessthanacontemplativeperspectiveonlifeisanalmostcertainprogramforunhappiness.

—FatherThomasKeating

Imagineeachofthesedisciplines—psychology,neurology,andcontemplativepractice—asacircle(figure1).

Figure1:TheIntersectionoftheThreeDisciplines

Thediscoveriesbeingmadeatthatintersectionareonlyjuststartingtoshowtheirpromise,butscientists,clinicians,andcontemplativeshavealreadylearneda great deal about the brain states that underlie wholesomemental states andhowtoactivatethosebrainstates.Theseimportantdiscoveriesgiveyouagreatability to influence your own mind. You can use that ability to reduce anydistressordysfunction,increasewell-being,andsupportspiritualpractice;thesearethecentralactivitiesofwhatcouldbecalledthepathofawakening,andouraimistousebrainsciencetohelpyoutravelfarandwelluponit.NobookcangiveyouthebrainofaBuddha,butbybetterunderstandingthemindandbrainofpeoplewho’vegonealongwaydownthispath,youcandevelopmoreoftheirjoyful,caring,andinsightfulqualitieswithinyourownmindandbrainaswell.

Thehistoryofscienceisrichintheexampleofthefruitfulnessofbringingtwosetsoftechniques,twosetsofideas,developedinseparatecontextsforthepursuitofnewtruth,intotouchwith

oneanother.—J.RobertOppenheimer

TheAwakeningBrainRichardandIbothbelievethatsomethingtranscendentalisinvolvedwiththe

mind, consciousness, and the path of awakening—call itGod,Spirit,Buddha-nature,theGround,orbynonameatall.Whateveritis,bydefinitionit’sbeyondthe physical universe. Since it cannot be proven one way or another, it isimportant—and consistent with the spirit of science—to respect it as a

possibility.Thatsaid,moreandmorestudiesareshowinghowgreatlytheminddepends

onthebrain.Forexample,asthebraindevelopsinchildhood,sodoesthemind;ifthebrainiseverdamaged,soisthemind.Subtleshiftsinbrainchemistrywillalter mood, concentration, and memory (Meyer and Quenzer 2004). Usingpowerful magnets to suppress the emotion-processing limbic system changeshow people make moral judgments (Knoch et al. 2006). Even some spiritualexperiencescorrelatewithneuralactivities(Vaitletal.2005).Anyaspectofthemindthatisnottranscendentalmustrelyuponthephysical

processesofthebrain.Mentalactivity,whetherconsciousorunconscious,mapstoneuralactivity,muchlikeapictureofasunsetonyourcomputerscreenmapsto a pattern of magnetic charges on your hard drive. Apart from potentialtranscendental factors, the brain is the necessary and proximally sufficientconditionforthemind;it’sonlyproximallysufficientbecausethebrainisnestedin a larger network of biological and cultural causes and conditions, and isaffecteditselfbythemind.Ofcourse,nooneyetknowsexactlyhowthebrainmakesthemind,orhow—

asDanSiegelputsit—themindusesthebraintomakethemind.It’ssometimessaid that the greatest remaining scientific questions are:What caused the BigBang?Whatisthegrandunifiedtheorythatintegratesquantummechanicsandgeneralrelativity?Andwhatistherelationshipbetweenthemindandthebrain,especiallyregardingconsciousexperience?Thelastquestionisuptherewiththeothertwobecauseitisasdifficulttoanswer,andasimportant.Touseananalogy,afterCopernicus,mosteducatedpeopleaccepted that the

earth revolved around the sun. But no one knew how that actually happened.Roughly 150 years later, Isaac Newton developed the laws of gravity, whichbegantoexplainhowtheearthwentaboutthesun.Then,after200moreyears,EinsteinrefinedNewton’sexplanationthroughthetheoryofgeneralrelativity.Itcould be 350 years, and maybe longer, before we completely understand therelationship between the brain and the mind. But meanwhile, a reasonableworkinghypothesisisthatthemindiswhatthebraindoes.Therefore, an awakening mind means an awakening brain. Throughout

history, unsung men and women and great teachers alike have cultivatedremarkable mental states by generating remarkable brain states. For instance,when experiencedTibetan practitioners go deep intomeditation, they produceuncommonlypowerfulandpervasivegammabrainwavesofelectricalactivity,inwhich unusually large regions of neural real estate pulse in synchrony30–80

timesasecond(Lutzetal.2004),integratingandunifyinglargeterritoriesofthemind.So,withadeepbowtothetranscendental,wewillstaywithintheframeofWestern science and see what modern neuropsychology, informed bycontemplativepractice,offers inthewayofeffectivemethodsforexperiencinggreaterhappiness,love,andwisdom.Tobesure:thesemethodswillnotreplacetraditionalspiritualpractices.You

don’tneedanEEGoraPh.D. inneuroscience toobserveyourexperienceandtheworld,andbecomeahappierandkinderperson.Butunderstandinghowtoaffectyourownbraincanbeveryhelpful,especiallyforpeoplewhodonothavetimeforintensivepractice,suchasthe24/7grindingandpolishingofmonasticlife.

TheCausesofSufferingAlthough life has many pleasures and joys, it also contains considerable

discomfort and sorrow—the unfortunate side effect of three strategies thatevolved to help animals, includingus, pass on their genes.For sheer survival,these strategiesworkgreat,but theyalso lead to suffering (aswe’ll explore indepth in the two next chapters). To summarize,whenever a strategy runs intotrouble, uncomfortable—sometimes even agonizing—alarm signals pulsethroughthenervoussystemtoset theanimalbackontrack.Buttroublecomesall the time,sinceeachstrategycontains inherentcontradictions,as theanimaltriesto:

Separate what is actually connected, in order to create a boundarybetweenitselfandtheworldStabilizewhatkeepschanging, inorder tomaintain its internalsystemswithintightrangesHold onto fleeting pleasures and escape inevitable pains, in order toapproachopportunitiesandavoidthreats

Most animals don’t have nervous systems complex enough to allow thesestrategies’ alarms to grow into significant distress. But our vastly moredeveloped brain is fertile ground for a harvest of suffering. Only we humansworryaboutthefuture,regretthepast,andblameourselvesforthepresent.Weget frustratedwhenwecan’thavewhatwewant,anddisappointedwhenwhat

welikeends.Wesufferthatwesuffer.Wegetupsetaboutbeinginpain,angryaboutdying,sadaboutwakingupsadyetanotherday.Thiskindofsuffering—whichencompassesmostofourunhappinessanddissatisfaction—isconstructedbythebrain.Itismadeup.Whichisironic,poignant—andsupremelyhopeful.Forifthebrainisthecauseofsuffering,itcanalsobeitscure.

Virtue,Mindfulness,andWisdomMorethantwothousandyearsago,ayoungmannamedSiddhartha—notyet

enlightened,notyetcalledtheBuddha—spentmanyyearstraininghismindandthushisbrain.On thenightofhis awakening,he lookeddeep insidehismind(which reflected and revealed the underlying activities of his brain) and sawthereboththecausesofsufferingandthepathtofreedomfromsuffering.Then,forfortyyears,hewanderednorthernIndia,teachingallwhowouldlistenhowto:

CoolthefiresofgreedandhatredtolivewithintegritySteadyandconcentratethemindtoseethroughitsconfusionsDevelopliberatinginsight

In short, he taught virtue, mindfulness (also called concentration), andwisdom. These are the three pillars of Buddhist practice, as well as thewellsprings of everyday well-being, psychological growth, and spiritualrealization.Virtuesimplyinvolvesregulatingyouractions,words,andthoughtstocreate

benefitsratherthanharmsforyourselfandothers.Inyourbrain,virtuedrawsontop-down direction from the prefrontal cortex (PFC);“prefrontal” means themost forwardparts of thebrain, just behind and above the forehead, andyour“cortex”istheouterlayerofthebrain(itsLatinrootmeans“bark”).Virtuealsorelies on bottom-up calming from the parasympathetic nervous system andpositive emotions from the limbic system. You’ll learn how to work with thecircuitry of these systems in chapter 5. Further on, we’ll explore virtue inrelationships, since that’s where it’s oftenmost challenged, and then build onthat foundation to nurture thebrain states of empathy, kindness, and love (seechapters8,9,and10).Mindfulnessinvolvestheskillfuluseofattentiontobothyourinnerandouter

worlds.Sinceyourbrainlearnsmainlyfromwhatyouattendto,mindfulnessisthedoorwayto takingingoodexperiencesandmakingthemapartofyourself(we’lldiscusshow todo this inchapter4).We’ll exploreways toactivate thebrainstatesthatpromotemindfulness,includingtothepointofdeepmeditativeabsorption,inchapters11and12.Wisdomisappliedcommonsense,whichyouacquireintwosteps.First,you

come tounderstandwhat hurts andwhat helps—inotherwords, the causes ofsufferingandthepathtoitsend(thefocusofchapters2and3).Then,basedonthisunderstanding,youletgoofthosethingsthathurtandstrengthenthosethathelp(chapters6and7).Asaresult,overtimeyou’llfeelmoreconnectedwitheverything,moresereneabouthowallthingschangeandend,andmoreabletomeet pleasure andpainwithout grasping after the one and strugglingwith theother. Finally, chapter 13 addresses what is perhaps the most seductive andsubtlechallengetowisdom:thesenseofbeingaselfwhoisseparatefromandvulnerabletotheworld.

Regulation,Learning,andSelection

Virtue, mindfulness, and wisdom are supported by the three fundamentalfunctionsof thebrain: regulation, learning, and selection.Yourbrain regulatesitself—and other bodily systems—through a combination of excitatory andinhibitory activity: green lights and red lights. It learns through forming newcircuits and strengtheningorweakeningexistingones.And it selectswhateverexperiencehastaughtittovalue;forexample,evenanearthwormcanbetrainedtopickaparticularpathtoavoidanelectricshock.These three functions—regulation, learning, and selection—operate at all

levelsof thenervoussystem,fromthe intricatemoleculardanceat the tipofasynapsetothewhole-brainintegrationofcontrol,competence,anddiscernment.Allthreefunctionsareinvolvedinanyimportantmentalactivity.Nonetheless, each pillar of practice corresponds quite closely to one of the

three fundamentalneural functions.Virtue reliesheavilyon regulation,both toexcite positive inclinations and to inhibit negative ones.Mindfulness leads tonew learning—since attention shapes neural circuits—and draws upon pastlearning to develop a steadier andmore concentrated awareness.Wisdom is amatterofmakingchoices,suchas lettinggoof lesserpleasuresfor thesakeofgreaterones.Consequently,developingvirtue,mindfulness,andwisdominyourmind depends on improving regulation, learning, and selection in your brain.

Strengtheningthethreeneuralfunctions—whichyou’lllearntodointhepagesahead—thusbuttressesthepillarsofpractice.

IncliningtheMindWhen you set out on the path of awakening, you begin wherever you are.

Then—with time, effort, and skillfulmeans—virtue,mindfulness, andwisdomgradually strengthen and you feel happier and more loving. Some traditionsdescribethisprocessasanuncoveringofthetruenaturethatwasalwayspresent;othersframeitasatransformationofyourmindandbody.Ofcourse,thesetwoaspectsofthepathofawakeningsupporteachother.On the one hand, your true nature is both a refuge and a resource for the

sometimes difficultwork of psychological growth and spiritual practice. It’s aremarkablefactthatthepeoplewhohavegonetheverydeepestintothemind—the sages and saints of every religious tradition—all say essentially the samething:yourfundamentalnatureispure,conscious,peaceful,radiant,loving,andwise, and it is joined in mysterious ways with the ultimate underpinnings ofreality, by whatever name we give That. Although your true nature may behiddenmomentarilybystressandworry,angerandunfulfilled longings, itstillcontinuestoexist.Knowingthiscanbeagreatcomfort.On the other hand, working with the mind and body to encourage the

developmentofwhat’swholesome—andtheuprootingofwhat’snot—iscentraltoeverypathofpsychologicalandspiritualdevelopment.Even ifpractice isamatterof“removingtheobscurations”totruenature—toborrowaphrasefromTibetan Buddhism—the clearing of these is a progressive process of training,purification,andtransformation.Paradoxically,ittakestimetobecomewhatwealreadyare.In either case, these changes in the mind—uncovering inherent purity and

cultivatingwholesomequalities—reflectchangesinthebrain.Byunderstandingbetter how the brainworks and changes—how it gets emotionally hijacked orsettlesintocalmvirtue;howitcreatesdistractibilityorfostersmindfulattention;howitmakesharmfulchoicesorwiseones—youcantakemorecontrolofyourbrain, and therefore your mind. This will make your development of greaterwell-being,lovingness,andinsighteasierandmorefruitful,andhelpyougoasfarasyoupossiblycanonyourownpathofawakening.

BeingonYourOwnSideIt’sageneralmoralprinciplethatthemorepoweryouhaveoversomeone,the

greateryourdutyistousethatpowerbenevolently.Well,whoistheonepersonin theworldyouhave thegreatestpowerover? It’syour future self.Youholdthatlifeinyourhands,andwhatitwillbedependsonhowyoucareforit.One of the central experiences of my life occurred one evening around

Thanksgiving,whenIwasaboutsixyearsold. I rememberstandingacross thestreetfromourhouse,ontheedgeofcornfieldsinIllinois,seeingrutsinthedarksoilfilledwithwaterfromarecentrain.Onthedistanthills,tinylightstwinkled.I felt quiet and clear inside, and sad about the unhappiness that night in myhome.Thenitcametomeverypowerfully:itwasuptome,andnooneelse,tofind my way over time toward those faraway lights and the possibility ofhappinesstheyrepresented.Thatmomenthasstayedwithmebecauseofwhatittaughtmeaboutwhatis

andisn’twithinourcontrol.It’simpossibletochangethepastorthepresent:youcanonlyacceptallthatasitis.Butyoucantendtothecausesofabetterfuture.Most of theways you’ll do this are small andhumble.Touse examples fromlater in this book, you could take a very full inhalation in a tensemeeting toforce a long exhalation, thus activating the calming parasympathetic nervoussystem(PNS).Or,whenrememberinganupsettingexperience,recallthefeelingof being with someone who loves you—which will gradually infuse theupsettingmemorywith a positive feeling.Or, to steady themind, deliberatelyprolongfeelingsofhappinessasthiswillincreaselevelsoftheneurotransmitterdopamine,whichwillhelpyourattentionstayfocused.Theselittleactionsreallyaddupovertime.Everyday,ordinaryactivities—as

well as any personal growth or spiritual practices—contain dozens ofopportunitiestochangeyourbrainfromtheinsideout.Youreallydohavethatpower,whichisawonderfulthinginaworldfullofforcesbeyondyourcontrol.A single raindropdoesn’t havemuch effect, but if youhave enough raindropsandenoughtime,youcancarveaGrandCanyon.Buttotakethesesteps,youhavetobeonyourownside.Thatmaynotbeso

easyatfirst;mostpeoplebringlesskindnesstothemselvesthantoothers.Togetonyourownside,itcanbehelpfultomakeaconvincingcasefortendingtothecauses thatwill changeyourbrain for thebetter.Forexample,pleaseconsiderthesefacts:

Youwereonceayoungchild, just asworthyof careasanyother.Canyou see yourself as a child?Wouldn’t youwish the best for that littleperson?Thesameistruetoday:youareahumanbeinglikeanyother—andjustasdeservingofhappiness,love,andwisdom.Progressingalongyourpathofawakeningwillmakeyoumoreeffectiveinyourworkand relationships.Thinkabout themanyways thatotherswill benefit from you being more good-humored, warm-hearted, andsavvy.Nurturingyourowndevelopmentisn’tselfish.It’sactuallyagreatgifttootherpeople.

TheWorldontheEdgeofaSwordPerhapsmost important of all, consider the ripples spreadingout fromyour

own growth, imperceptibly but genuinely helping a world full of greed,confusion, fear, andanger.Ourworld ispoisedon theedgeofa sword,and itcould tip either way. Across the planet, slowly but surely, we’re seeingincreasingdemocratization, agrowingnumberofgrassrootsorganizations, andmore understanding of our fragile interconnectedness. On the other hand, theworldisgettinghotter,militarytechnologiesareincreasinglylethal,andabillionpeoplegotosleephungryeverynight.The tragedy and the opportunity of this moment in history are exactly the

same:thenaturalandtechnicalresourcesneededtopullusbackfromthebrinkalready exist. The issue is not a lack of resources. It is a lack of will andrestraint,ofattentiontowhat’strulyhappening,andofenlightenedself-interest—ashortage,inotherwords,ofvirtue,mindfulness,andwisdom.As you and other people become increasingly skillful with the mind—and

thusthebrain—thatcouldhelptipourworldinabetterdirection.

chapter1:KeyPoints

Whathappensinyourmindchangesyourbrain,bothtemporarilyandinlastingways;neuronsthatfiretogetherwiretogether.Andwhathappensinyourbrainchangesyourmind,sincethebrainandmindareasingle,integratedsystem.Therefore,youcanuseyourmind tochangeyourbrain tobenefityourmind—andeveryoneelsewhoselifeyoutouch.Peoplewhohavepracticeddeeplyinthecontemplativetraditionsarethe“Olympic athletes” of the mind. Learning how they’ve trained theirminds (and thus their brains) reveals powerful ways to have morehappiness,love,andwisdom.The brain evolved to help you survive, but its three primary survivalstrategiesalsomakeyousuffer.Virtue,mindfulness,andwisdomarethepillarsofeverydaywell-being,personal growth, and spiritual practice; they draw on the threefundamentalneuralfunctionsofregulation,learning,andselection.The path of awakening involves both transforming themind/brain anduncoveringthewonderfultruenaturethatwasthereallalong.Smallpositiveactionseverydaywilladduptolargechangesovertime,asyougraduallybuildnewneuralstructures.Tokeepat it,youneedtobeonyourownside.Wholesome changes in the brains of many people could help tip theworldinabetterdirection.

PARTONE

THECAUSESOFSUFFERING

chapter2

TheEvolutionofSuffering

Nothinginbiologymakessenseexceptinlightofevolution.—TheodosiusDobzhansky

There’salotaboutlifethat’swonderful,butithasitshardparts,too.Lookatthefacesaroundyou—theyprobablyholda fairamountofstrain,disappointment,andworry.Andyouknowyourownfrustrationsandsorrowsaswell.Thepangsoflivingrangefromsubtlelonelinessanddismay,tomoderatestress,hurt,andanger, and then to intense trauma and anguish. This whole range is what wemeanby theword, suffering.A lot of suffering ismild but chronic, such as abackground sense of anxiety, irritability, or lack of fulfillment. It’s natural towantlessofthis.Andinitsplace,morecontentment,love,andpeace.Tomakeanyproblembetter,youneedtounderstanditscauses.That’swhyall

the great physicians, psychologists, and spiritual teachers have been masterdiagnosticians.Forexample,inhisFourNobleTruths,theBuddhaidentifiedanailment(suffering),diagnoseditscause(craving:acompellingsenseofneedforsomething), specified its cure (freedom from craving), and prescribed atreatment(theEightfoldPath).Thischapterexaminessufferinginlightofevolutioninordertodiagnoseits

sources in your brain.When you understandwhy you feel nervous, annoyed,hassled, driven, blue, or inadequate, those feelings have less power over you.Thisbyitselfcanbringsomerelief.Yourunderstandingwillalsohelpyoumakebetteruseofthe“prescriptions”intherestofthisbook.

TheEvolvingBrain

Life began around 3.5 billion years ago. Multicelled creatures first

appearedabout650millionyearsago.(Whenyougetacold,rememberthatmicrobeshadnearlyathree-billion-yearhead-start!)Bythetimetheearliest jellyfish arose about600millionyears ago, animalshadgrowncomplex enough that their sensory and motor systems needed tocommunicatewith each other; thus the beginnings of neural tissue.Asanimalsevolved,sodidtheirnervoussystems,whichslowlydevelopedacentralheadquartersintheformofabrain.Evolution builds on preexisting capabilities. Life’s progression can beseen inside your own brain, in terms of what Paul MacLean (1990)referred toas the reptilian,paleomammalian,andneomammalian levelsof development (see figure 2; all figures are somewhat inexact and forillustrativepurposesonly).Corticaltissuesthatarerelativelyrecent,complex,conceptualizing,slow,andmotivationallydiffusesitatopsubcorticalandbrain-stemstructuresthat are ancient, simplistic, concrete, fast, and motivationally intense.(Thesubcorticalregionliesinthecenterofyourbrain,beneaththecortexandontopofthebrainstem;thebrainstemroughlycorrespondstothe“reptilianbrain”seeninfigure2.)Asyougothroughyourday,there’sakindoflizard-squirrel-monkeybraininyourheadshapingyourreactionsfromthebottomup.

Figure2:TheEvolvingBrain

Nonetheless, themoderncortexhasgreat influenceover the restof thebrain, and it’s been shaped by evolutionary pressures to develop ever-improving abilities to parent, bond, communicate, cooperate, and love(DunbarandShultz2007).The cortex is divided into two “hemispheres” connected by the corpuscallosum.Asweevolved, the lefthemisphere(inmostpeople)came tofocusonsequentialandlinguisticprocessingwhiletherighthemispherespecialized in holistic and visual-spatial processing; of course, the twohalves of your brainwork closely together.Many neural structures areduplicatedsothatthereisoneineachhemisphere;nonetheless,theusualconvention is to refer to a structure in the singular (e.g., thehippocampus).

ThreeSurvivalStrategiesOverhundredsofmillionsofyearsofevolution,ourancestorsdevelopedthreefundamentalstrategiesforsurvival:

Creating separations—in order to form boundaries between themselvesandtheworld,andbetweenonementalstateandanotherMaintainingstability—inordertokeepphysicalandmentalsystemsinahealthybalanceApproachingopportunitiesandavoidingthreats—inordertogainthingsthatpromoteoffspring,andescapeorresistthingsthatdon’t

Thesestrategieshavebeenextraordinarilyeffectiveforsurvival.ButMotherNaturedoesn’tcarehowtheyfeel.Tomotivateanimals,includingourselves,tofollowthesestrategiesandpassontheirgenes,neuralnetworksevolvedtocreatepain and distress under certain conditions: when separations break down,stability is shaken, opportunities disappoint, and threats loom. Unfortunately,theseconditionshappenallthetime,because:

Everythingisconnected.Everythingkeepschanging.Opportunitiesroutinelyremainunfulfilledorlosetheirluster,andmanythreatsareinescapable(e.g.,aginganddeath)

Let’sseehowallthismakesyousuffer.

NotSoSeparateTheparietallobesofthebrainarelocatedintheupperbackofthehead(a“lobe”isa roundedswellingof thecortex).Formostpeople, the left lobeestablishesthat thebody isdistinct fromtheworld,and theright lobe indicateswhere thebody is compared to features in its environment. The result is an automatic,underlying assumption along the lines of I am separate and independent.Althoughthisistrueinsomeways,inmanyimportantwaysitisnot.

NotSoDistinct

To live, an organismmustmetabolize: it must exchangematter and energywithitsenvironment.Consequently,overthecourseofayear,manyoftheatomsin your body are replacedbynewones.The energyyouuse to get a drink ofwatercomesfromsunshineworkingitswayuptoyouthroughthefoodchain—inarealsense, light lifts thecuptoyourlips.Theapparentwallbetweenyourbodyandtheworldismorelikeapicketfence.Andbetweenyourmindandtheworld,it’slikealinepaintedonthesidewalk.

Language and culture enter and pattern your mind from the moment of birth(Han and Northoff 2008). Empathy and love naturally attune you to otherpeople, so your mind moves into resonance with theirs (Siegel 2007). Theseflowsofmentalactivitygobothwaysasyouinfluenceothers.Withinyourmind,therearehardlyanylinesatall.Allitscontentsflowinto

each other, sensations becoming thoughts feelings desires actions and moresensations. This stream of consciousness correlates with a cascade of fleetingneuralassemblies,eachassemblydispersingintothenextone,ofteninlessthanasecond(Dehaene,Sergent,andChangeux2003;ThompsonandVarela2001).

NotSoIndependent

I’m here because a Serbian nationalist assassinated Archduke Ferdinand,catalyzingWorldWarI—whichinturnledtotheunlikelymeetingofmymomanddad at anArmydance in 1944.Of course, there are ten thousand reasonswhyanyoneisheretoday.Howfarbackshouldwego?Myson—bornwithhisumbilical cordwrapped around his neck—is here due tomedical technologiesdevelopedoverhundredsofyears.Orwe could goway back:Most of the atoms in your body—including the

oxygeninyourlungsandtheironinyourblood—wereborninsideastar.Intheearlyuniverse,hydrogenwasjustabouttheonlyelement.Starsaregiantfusionreactors that pound together hydrogen atoms, making heavier elements andreleasing lots of energy in the process. The ones thatwent nova spewed theircontentsfarandwide.Bythetimeoursolarsystemstartedtoform,roughlyninebillionyearsafter theuniversebegan,enough largeatomsexisted tomakeourplanet,tomakethehandsthatholdthisbookandthebrainthatunderstandsthesewords.Truly,you’reherebecausealotofstarsblewup.Yourbodyismadeofstardust.

Your mind also depends on countless preceding causes. Think of the lifeevents and people that have shaped your views, personality, and emotions.ImaginehavingbeenswitchedatbirthandraisedbypoorshopkeepersinKenyaorawealthyoilfamilyinTexas;howdifferentwouldyourmindbetoday?

TheSufferingofSeparation

Sinceweareeachconnectedandinterdependentwiththeworld,ourattemptstobeseparateandindependentareregularlyfrustrated,whichproducespainfulsignalsofdisturbanceandthreat.Further,evenwhenoureffortsaretemporarilysuccessful,theystillleadtosuffering.Whenyouregardtheworldas“notmeatall,”itispotentiallyunsafe,leadingyoutofearandresistit.Onceyousay,“Iamthis body apart from theworld,” thebody’s frailties becomeyourown. If youthinkitweighs toomuchordoesn’t lookright,yousuffer. If it’s threatenedbyillness,aging,anddeath—asallbodiesare—yousuffer.

NotSoPermanentYourbody,brain,andmindcontainvastnumbersofsystemsthatmustmaintaina healthy equilibrium. The problem, though, is that changing conditionscontinuallydisturbthesesystems,resultinginsignalsofthreat,pain,anddistress—inaword,suffering.

WeAreDynamicallyChangingSystems

Let’sconsiderasingleneuron,onethatreleasestheneurotransmitterserotonin(seefigures3and4).Thistinyneuronisbothpartofthenervoussystemandacomplex system in its own right that requires multiple subsystems to keep itrunning.Whenitfires,tendrilsattheendofitsaxonexpelaburstofmoleculesinto thesynapses—theconnections—itmakeswithotherneurons.Each tendrilcontains about two hundred little bubbles called vesicles that are full of theneurotransmitterserotonin(Robinson2007).Everytimetheneuronfires,fivetotenvesiclesspillopen.Sincea typicalneuronfiresaround ten timesasecond,theserotoninvesiclesofeachtendrilareemptiedouteveryfewseconds.Consequently, busy little molecular machines must either manufacture new

serotoninorrecyclelooseserotoninfloatingaroundtheneuron.Thentheyneed

to build vesicles, fill themwith serotonin, andmove them close towhere theactionis,atthetipofeachtendril.That’salotofprocessestokeepinbalance,withmanythingsthatcouldgowrong—andserotoninmetabolismisjustoneofthethousandsofsystemsinyourbody.

ATypicalNeuron

Neuronsarethebasicbuildingblocksofthenervoussystem;theirmainfunction is tocommunicatewitheachotheracross tiny junctionscalledsynapses.While there aremany sorts of neurons, their basic design isprettysimilar.The cell body sends out spikes called dendrites which receiveneurotransmitters from other neurons. (Some neurons communicatedirectlywitheachotherthroughelectricalimpulses.)Simplifying some, the millisecond-by-millisecond sum of all theexcitatoryandinhibitorysignalsaneuronreceivesdetermineswhetherornotitwillfire.Whenaneuronfires,anelectrochemicalwaveripplesdownitsaxon,thefiber extending toward the neurons it sends signals to. This releasesneurotransmitters into its synapses with receiving neurons, eitherinhibitingthemorexcitingthemtofireinturn.Nerve signals are sped up by myelin, a fatty substance that insulatesaxons.

Figure1:A(Simplified)Neuron

Thegraymatterofyourbrain iscomposedlargelyof thecellbodiesof

neurons.Thereisalsowhitematter,madeupof theaxonsandtheglialcells; glial cells performmetabolic support functions such aswrappingaxons in myelin and recycling neurotransmitters. Neuronal cell bodiesarelike100billionon-offswitchesconnectedbytheiraxonal“wires”inanintricatenetworkinsideyourhead.

Figure4:ASynapse(magnifiedintheinset)

TheChallengesofMaintaininganEquilibrium

Foryoutostayhealthy,eachsysteminyourbodyandmindmustbalancetwoconflicting needs. On the one hand, it must remain open to inputs duringongoing transactions with its local environment (Thompson 2007); closedsystemsaredeadsystems.Ontheotherhand,eachsystemmustalsopreserveafundamental stability, staying centered around a good set-point and withincertain ranges—not too hot, nor too cold. For example, inhibition from theprefrontalcortex (PFC)andarousal from the limbic systemmustbalanceeachother:toomuchinhibitionandyoufeelnumbinside,toomucharousalandyoufeeloverwhelmed.

SignalsofThreat

To keep each of your systems in balance, sensors register its state (as thethermometerdoes insidea thermostat)andsendsignals to regulators to restoreequilibriumifthesystemgetsoutofrange(i.e.,turnthefurnaceonoroff).Mostof this regulation staysoutofyourawareness.But somesignals forcorrectiveactionaresoimportantthattheybubbleupintoconsciousness.Forexample,ifyourbodygetstoocold,youfeelchilled;ifitgetstoohot,youfeellikeyou’rebaking.These consciously experienced signals are unpleasant, in part because they

carryasenseofthreat—acall torestoreequilibriumbeforethingsslidetoofartoo fast down the slippery slope. The call may come softly, with a sense ofunease,orloudly,withalarm,evenpanic.Howeveritcomes, itmobilizesyourbraintodowhateverittakestogetyoubackinbalance.This mobilization usually comes with feelings ofcraving; these range from

quietlongingstoadesperatesenseofcompulsion.Itisinterestingthatthewordfor craving in Pali—the language of early Buddhism—is tanha, the root ofwhich means thirst. The word “thirst” conveys the visceral power of threatsignals, even when they have nothing to do with life or limb, such as thepossibility of being rejected. Threat signals are effective precisely becausethey’re unpleasant—because they make you suffer, sometimes a little,sometimesalot.Youwantthemtostop.

EverythingKeepsChanging

Occasionally,threatsignalsdostopforawhile—justaslongaseverysystemstays in balance. But since the world is always changing, there are endlessdisturbances in the equilibria of your body, mind, and relationships. Theregulatorsofthesystemsofyourlife,fromthemolecularbottomallthewayupto the interpersonal top,must keep trying to impose static order on inherentlyunstableprocesses.Consider the impermanence of the physical world, from the volatility of

quantumparticlestoourownSun,whichwillsomedayswellintoaredgiantandswallow the Earth. Or consider the turbulence of your nervous system; forexample,regionsinthePFCthatsupportconsciousnessareupdatedfivetoeighttimesasecond(CunninghamandZelazo2007).Thisneurological instabilityunderliesallstatesofmind.Forexample,every

thought involves a momentary partitioning of streaming neural traffic into acoherent assembly of synapses thatmust soon disperse into fertile disorder toallowotherthoughtstoemerge(AtmanspacherandGraben2007).Observeevenasinglebreath,andyouwillexperienceitssensationschanging,dispersing,anddisappearingsoonaftertheyarise.Everything changes. That’s the universal nature of outer reality and inner

experience.Therefore,there’snoendtodisturbedequilibriaaslongasyoulive.Buttohelpyousurvive,yourbrainkeepstryingtostoptheriver,strugglingtoholddynamicsystemsinplace,tofindfixedpatternsinthisvariableworld,andtoconstructpermanentplansforchangingconditions.Consequently,yourbrainisforeverchasingafterthemomentthathasjustpassed,tryingtounderstandandcontrolit.It’sasifweliveattheedgeofawaterfall,witheachmomentrushingatus—

experiencedonlyandalwaysnowatthelip—andthenzip,it’sovertheedgeandgone.Butthebrainisforeverclutchingatwhathasjustsurgedby.

NotSoPleasantorPainfulIn order to pass on their genes, our animal ancestors had to choose correctlymany times a daywhether to approach something or avoid it. Today, humansapproachandavoidmental states aswell asphysicalobjects; for example,wepursueself-worthandpushawayshame.Nonetheless,forall itssophistication,humanapproachingandavoidingdrawsonmuchthesameneuralcircuitryusedbyamonkeytolookforbananasoralizardtohideunderarock.

TheFeelingToneofExperience

Howdoesyourbraindecideifsomethingshouldbeapproachedoravoided?Let’s say you’rewalking in thewoods; you round a bend and suddenly see acurvyshapeon thegroundrightsmackinfrontofyou.Tosimplifyacomplexprocess,during the first few tenthsof a second, lightbouncingoff this curvedobject is sent to the occipital cortex (which handles visual information) forprocessing into a meaningful image (see figure 5). Then the occipital cortexsends representations of this image in two directions: to the hippocampus, forevaluationasapotentialthreatoropportunity,andtothePFCandotherpartsofthebrainformoresophisticated—andtime-consuming—analysis.

Figure5:YouSeeaPotentialThreatorOpportunity

Just incase,yourhippocampus immediatelycompares the imageto itsshortlistofjump-first-think-laterdangers.Itquicklyfindscurvyshapesonitsdangerlist,causingittosendahigh-priorityalerttoyouramygdala:“Watchout!”Theamygdala—which is like an alarm bell—then pulses both a general warningthroughoutyourbrainandaspecialfast-tracksignaltoyourfight-or-flightneuralandhormonalsystems(Rasia-Filho,Londero,andAchaval2000).We’llexplorethedetailsofthefight-or-flightcascadeinthenextchapter;thepointhereisthatasecondorsoafteryouspotthecurvingshape,youjumpbackinalarm.Meanwhile, the powerful but relatively slow PFC has been pulling

informationoutof long-termmemory to figureoutwhether thedarn thing isasnakeorastick.Asafewmoresecondstickby,thePFCzerosinontheobject’sinert nature—and the fact that several people ahead of you walked past itwithoutsayinganything—andconcludesthatit’sonlyastick.Throughout this episode, everything you experienced was either pleasant,

unpleasant, or neutral. At first there were neutral or pleasant sights as youstrolled along the path, then unpleasant fear at a potential snake, and finallypleasantreliefattherealizationthatitwasjustastick.Thataspectofexperience—whether it is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral—is called, in Buddhism, itsfeeling tone (or, inWestern psychology, itshedonic tone). The feeling tone isproducedmainlybyyouramygdala(LeDoux1995)andthenbroadcastwidely.It’s a simple but effectiveway to tell your brain as awholewhat to do eachmoment:approachpleasantcarrots,avoidunpleasantsticks,andmoveonfromanythingelse.

KeyNeurochemicalsThesearethemajorchemicalsinsideyourbrainthataffectneuralactivity;theyhavemany functions, and we’ve listed here the ones that are relevant to thisbook.

PrimaryNeurotransmitters

Glutamate—excitesreceivingneurons.GABA—inhibitsreceivingneurons.

Neuromodulators

These substances—sometimes also called neurotransmitters—influence theprimary neurotransmitters. Because they’re released widely within the brain,theyhaveapowerfuleffect.

Serotonin—regulates mood, sleep, and digestion; most antidepressantsaimatincreasingitseffects.Dopamine—involved with rewards and attention; promotes approachbehaviors.Norepinephrine—alertsandarouses.Acetylcholine—promoteswakefulnessandlearning.

Neuropeptides

These neuromodulators are built from peptides, a particular kind of organicmolecule.

Opioids—buffer stress, provide soothing and reduce pain, and producepleasure(e.g.,runner’shigh);theseincludeendorphins.Oxytocin—promotesnurturingbehaviorstowardchildrenandbondingin

couples;associatedwithblissfulclosenessand love;womenhavemoreoxytocinthanmen.Vasopressin—supports pair bonding; in men it may promoteaggressivenesstowardsexualrivals.

OtherNeurochemicals

Cortisol—released by the adrenal glands during the stress response;stimulatestheamygdalaandinhibitsthehippocampus.Estrogen—thebrainsofbothmenandwomencontainestrogenreceptors;affectslibido,mood,andmemory.

ChasingCarrots

Twomajorneuralsystemskeepyouchasingcarrots.Thefirstsystemisbasedon the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine-releasing neurons become moreactive when you encounter things that are linked to rewards in the past—forexample, if youget amessage fromagood friendyouhaven’t seen for a fewmonths. These neurons also rev upwhen you encounter something that couldofferrewardsinthefuture—suchasyourfriendsayingshewantstotakeyoutolunch.Inyourmind,thisneuralactivityproducesamotivatingsenseofdesire:youwanttocallherback.Whenyoudohavelunch,apartofyourbraincalledthecingulatecortex (about thesizeofyourfinger,on the interioredgeofeachhemisphere) tracks whether the rewards you expected—fun with your friend,good food—actually arrive (Eisenberger and Lieberman 2004). If they do,dopaminelevelsstaysteady.Butifyou’redisappointed—maybeyourfriendisina bad mood—the cingulate sends out a signal that lowers dopamine levels.Fallingdopamineregistersinsubjectiveexperienceasanunpleasantfeelingtone—adissatisfactionanddiscontent—thatstimulatescraving(broadlydefined)forsomethingthatwillrestoreitslevels.The second system, based on several other neuromodulators, is the

biochemicalsourceofthepleasantfeelingtonesthatcomefromtheactual—andanticipated—carrots in life.When these “pleasure chemicals”—natural opioids(includingendorphins),oxytocin,andnorepinephrine—surgeintoyoursynapses,they strengthen theneural circuits that are active,making themmore likely to

firetogetherinthefuture.Imagineatoddlertryingtoeataspoonfulofpudding.Aftermanymisses,hisperceptual-motorneuronsfinallyget it right, leadingtowaves of pleasure chemicalswhich help cement the synaptic connections thatcreatedthespecificmovementsthatslippedthespoonintohismouth.Inessence,thispleasuresystemhighlightswhatevertriggeredit,promptsyou

to pursue those rewards again, and strengthens the behaviors that make yousuccessful in getting them. It works hand in hand with the dopamine-basedsystem.Forexample,slakingyourthirstfeelsgoodbothbecausethediscontentof lowdopamineleaves,andbecausethepleasurechemical–basedjoyofcoolwateronahotdayarrives.

ApproachingInvolvesSuffering

Thesetwoneuralsystemsarenecessaryforsurvival.Additionally,youcanusethem for positive aims that have nothing to do with passing on genes. Forexample,youcould increaseyourmotivation tokeepdoing somethinghealthy(e.g.,exercise)bybeingreallymindfulofitsrewards,suchasfeelingsofvitalityandstrength.Butreachingforwhat’spleasantcanalsomakeyousuffer:

Desiring itself can be an unpleasant experience; even mild longing issubtlyuncomfortable.When you can’t have things you desire, it’s natural to feel frustrated,disappointed,anddiscouraged—perhapsevenhopelessanddespairing.Whenyoudo fulfill adesire, the rewards that followareoftennot thatgreat. They’re okay, but look closely at your experience: Is the cookiereally that tasty—especiallyafter the thirdbite?Was the satisfactionofthegoodjobreviewthatintenseorlonglasting?Whenrewardsareinfactprettygreat,manyofthemstillcomeatastiffprice—bigdessertsareanobviousexample.Alsoconsidertherewardsofgaining recognition, winning an argument, or getting others to act aparticularway.Whatisthecost/benefitratio,really?Evenifyoudogetwhatyouwant,it’sgenuinelygreat,anditdoesn’tcostmuch—the gold standard—every pleasant experience must inevitablychange and end.Even thebest onesof all.You are routinely separatedfromthingsyouenjoy.Andsomedaythatseparationwillbepermanent.

Friendsdriftaway,childrenleavehome,careersend,andeventuallyyourownfinalbreathcomesandgoes.Everythingthatbeginsmustalsocease.Everythingthatcomestogethermustalsodisperse.Experiencesarethusincapableofbeingcompletelysatisfying.Theyareanunreliablebasisfortruehappiness.

To use an analogy from the Thaimeditationmaster AjahnChah: if gettingupset about somethingunpleasant is likebeingbittenby a snake, grasping forwhat’spleasantislikegrabbingthesnake’stail;soonerorlater,itwillstillbiteyou.

SticksAreStrongerthanCarrots

Sofar,we’vediscussedcarrotsandsticksasiftheywereequals.Butactually,sticksareusuallymorepowerful,sinceyourbrainisbuiltmoreforavoidingthanfor approaching. That’s because it’s the negative experiences, not the positiveones,thathavegenerallyhadthemostimpactonsurvival.For example, imagine our mammalian ancestors dodging dinosaurs in a

worldwide Jurassic Park 70 million years ago. Constantly looking over theirshoulders,alerttotheslightestcrackleofbrush,readytofreezeorboltorattackdepending on the situation. The quick and the dead. If they missed out on acarrot—a chance at food or mating, perhaps—they usually had otheropportunities later. But if they failed to duck a stick—like a predator—thenthey’dprobablybekilled,withnochanceatanycarrotsinthefuture.Theonesthatlivedtopassontheirgenespaidalotofattentiontonegativeexperiences.Let’sexploresixwaysyourbrainkeepsyoudodgingsticks.

VIGILANCEANDANXIETY

Whenyou’reawakeandnotdoinganythinginparticular,thebaselinerestingstateofyourbrainactivatesa“defaultnetwork,”andoneofitsfunctionsseemsto be tracking your environment and body for possible threats (Raichle et al.2001).This basic awareness is often accompanied by a background feeling ofanxiety thatkeepsyouvigilant.Trywalking throughastore fora fewminuteswithouttheleastwhiffofcaution,unease,ortension.It’sverydifficult.This makes sense because our mammalian, primate, and human ancestors

were prey as well as predators. In addition, most primate social groups have

beenfullofaggression frommalesandfemalesalike (Sapolsky2006).And inthe hominid and then human hunter-gatherer bands of the past couplemillionyears, violencehasbeena leadingcauseofdeath formen (Bowles2006).Webecameanxiousforgoodreason:therewasalottofear.

SENSITIVITYTONEGATIVEINFORMATION

The brain typically detects negative information faster than positiveinformation.Take facial expressions, a primary signal of threat or opportunityforasocialanimal likeus: fearful facesareperceivedmuchmorerapidly thanhappyorneutralones,probablyfast-trackedbytheamygdala(Yang,Zald,andBlake 2007). In fact, even when researchers make fearful faces invisible toconsciousawareness,theamygdalastilllightsup(JiangandHe2006).Thebrainisdrawntobadnews.

HIGH-PRIORITYSTORAGE

Whenaneventisflaggedasnegative,thehippocampusmakessureit’sstoredcarefullyforfuturereference.Onceburned,twiceshy.YourbrainislikeVelcrofornegativeexperiencesandTeflonforpositiveones—eventhoughmostofyourexperiencesareprobablyneutralorpositive.

NEGATIVETRUMPSPOSITIVE

Negativeeventsgenerallyhavemoreimpactthanpositiveones.Forexample,it’seasytoacquirefeelingsoflearnedhelplessnessfromafewfailures,buthardtoundothosefeelings,evenwithmanysuccesses(Seligman2006).Peoplewilldomore to avoid a loss than to acquire a comparable gain (Baumeister etal.2001). Compared to lottery winners, accident victims usually take longer toreturn to their original baseline of happiness (Brickman, Coates, and Janoff-Bulman1978).Bad informationaboutapersoncarriesmoreweight thangoodinformation(PeetersandCzapinski1990),andinrelationships,ittypicallytakesaboutfivepositiveinteractionstoovercometheeffectsofasinglenegativeone(Gottman1995).

LINGERINGTRACES

Even if you’ve unlearned a negative experience, it still leaves an indelibletraceinyourbrain(Quirk,Repa,andLeDoux1995).Thatresiduelieswaiting,

readytoreactivateifyoueverencounterafear-provokingeventlikethepreviousone.

VICIOUSCYCLES

Negative experiences create vicious cycles by making you pessimistic,overreactive,andinclinedtogonegativeyourself.

AvoidingInvolvesSuffering

Asyoucansee,yourbrainhasabuilt-in“negativitybias”(Vaish,Grossman,andWoodward2008)thatprimesyouforavoidance.Thisbiasmakesyousufferin a variety of ways. For starters, it generates an unpleasant background ofanxiety,whichforsomepeoplecanbequiteintense;anxietyalsomakesithardertobringattentioninwardforself-awarenessorcontemplativepractice,sincethebrain keeps scanning to make sure there is no problem. The negativity biasfosters or intensifies other unpleasant emotions, such as anger, sorrow,depression,guilt,andshame.Ithighlightspastlossesandfailures,itdownplayspresent abilities, and it exaggerates future obstacles. Consequently, the mindcontinually tends to renderunfair verdicts about aperson’s character, conduct,andpossibilities.Theweightofthosejudgmentscanreallywearyoudown.

IntheSimulatorInBuddhism, it’s said that suffering is the resultofcravingexpressed throughthe Three Poisons: greed, hatred, and delusion. These are strong, traditionaltermsthatcoverabroadrangeofthoughts,words,anddeeds,includingthemostfleetingandsubtle.Greedisagraspingaftercarrots,whilehatredisanaversiontosticks;bothinvolvecravingmorepleasureandlesspain.Delusionisaholdingonto ignorance about theway things really are—for example, not seeing howthey’reconnectedandchanging.

VirtualReality

Sometimes these poisons are conspicuous;muchof the time, however, theyoperate in the background of your awareness, firing andwiring quietly along.

Theydothisbyusingyourbrain’sextraordinarycapacitytorepresentbothinnerexperience and the outerworld. For example, the blind spots in your left andrightvisualfieldsdon’tlooklikeholesoutthereintheworld;rather,yourbrainfillsthemin,muchlikephotosoftwareshadesintheredeyesofpeoplelookingtoward a flash. In fact, much of what you see “out there” is actuallymanufactured “in here” by your brain, painted in like computer-generatedgraphics in amovie.Onlya small fractionof the inputs toyouroccipital lobecomes directly from the externalworld; the rest comes from internalmemorystoresandperceptual-processingmodules (Raichle2006).Yourbrainsimulatestheworld—each of us lives in a virtual reality that’s close enough to the realthingthatwedon’tbumpintothefurniture.Inside this simulator—whose neural substrate appears to be centered in the

upper-middle of your PFC (Gusnard et al. 2001)—mini-movies runcontinuously.Thesebriefclipsarethebuildingblocksofmuchconsciousmentalactivity (Niedenthal 2007; Pitcher et al. 2008). For our ancestors, runningsimulationsofpasteventspromotedsurvival,as itstrengthenedthelearningofsuccessfulbehaviorsbyrepeatingtheirneuralfiringpatterns.Simulatingfutureevents also promoted survival by enabling our ancestors to compare possibleoutcomes—inorder topick thebestapproach—andtoreadypotentialsensory-motor sequences for immediate action. Over the past three million years, thebrainhastripledinsize;muchofthisexpansionhasimprovedthecapabilitiesofthesimulator,suggestingitsbenefitsforsurvival.

SimulationsMakeYouSuffer

The brain continues to produce simulations today, even when they havenothing to dowith staying alive.Watch yourself daydream or go back over arelationship problem, and you’ll see the clips playing—little packets ofsimulated experiences, usually just seconds long. If you observe them closely,you’llspotseveraltroublingthings:

By its very nature, the simulator pulls you out of the presentmoment.There you are, following a presentation atwork, running an errand, ormeditating,andsuddenlyyourmindisathousandmilesaway,caughtupin amini-movie.But it’s only in the presentmoment thatwe find realhappiness,love,orwisdom.

In the simulator, pleasures usually seem pretty great, whether you’reconsideringasecondcupcakeor imagining the responseyou’llget toareportatwork.Butwhatdoyouactuallyfeelwhenyouenactthemini-movieinreal life?Is itaspleasantaspromisedupthereonthescreen?Usually not. In truth,most everyday rewards aren’t as intense as thoseconjuredupinthesimulator.Clipsinthesimulatorcontainlotsofbeliefs:Ofcoursehe’llsayXifIsayY….It’s obvious that they let me down. Sometimes these are explicitlyverbalized,butmuchofthetimethey’reimplicit,builtintotheplotline.In reality, are theexplicit and implicitbeliefs inyour simulations true?Sometimes yes, but often no. Mini-movies keep us stuck by theirsimplistic view of the past and by their defining out of existence realpossibilities for the future, such as newways to reach out to others ordreambigdreams.Theirbeliefsarethebarsofaninvisiblecage,trappingyouinalifethat’ssmallerthantheoneyoucouldactuallyhave.It’slikebeing a zoo animal that’s released into a large park—yet still croucheswithintheconfinesofitsoldpen.In the simulator, upsetting events from the past play again and again,whichunfortunatelystrengthenstheneuralassociationsbetweenaneventand its painful feelings. The simulator also forecasts threateningsituations in your future. But in fact, most of those worrisome eventsnever materialize. And of the ones that do, often the discomfort youexperience is milder and briefer than predicted. For example, imaginespeaking from your heart: this may trigger a mini-movie ending inrejectionandyoufeelingbad.But infact,whenyoudospeakfromtheheart,doesn’tittypicallygoprettywell,withyouendingupfeelingquitegood?

In sum, the simulator takes you out of the present moment and sets youchasing after carrots that aren’t really so greatwhile ignoringmore importantrewards (such as contentment and inner peace). Its mini-movies are full oflimiting beliefs. Besides reinforcing painful emotions, they have you duckingsticks thatneveractuallycomeyourwayoraren’t reallyall thatbad.And thesimulatordoesthishourafterhour,dayafterday,eveninyourdreams—steadilybuildingneuralstructure,muchofwhichaddstoyoursuffering.

Self-Compassion

Eachpersonsufferssometimes,andmanypeoplesuffera lot.Compassion isanatural response to suffering, including your own. Self-compassion isn’t self-pity,butissimplywarmth,concern,andgoodwishes—justlikecompassionforanotherperson.Becauseself-compassionismoreemotionalthanself-esteem,it’sactually more powerful for reducing the impact of difficult conditions,preservingself-worth,andbuildingresilience(Learyetal.2007). Italsoopensyour heart, since when you’re closed to your own suffering, it’s hard to bereceptivetosufferinginothers.

Therootofcompassioniscompassionforoneself.—PemaChödrön

In addition to the everyday suffering of life, the path of awakening itselfcontains difficult experiences which also call for compassion. To becomehappier,wiser, andmore loving, sometimes you have to swim against ancientcurrentswithinyournervoussystem.Forexample,insomewaysthethreepillarsofpracticeareunnatural:virtue restrainsemotional reactions thatworkedwellon the Serengeti, mindfulness decreases external vigilance, and wisdom cutsthrough beliefs that once helped us survive. It goes against the evolutionarytemplatetoundothecausesofsuffering,tofeelonewithallthings,toflowwiththechangingmoment,andtoremainunmovedbypleasantandunpleasantalike.Of course, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it! It just means we shouldunderstandwhatwe’reupagainstandhavesomecompassionforourselves.Tonurtureself-compassionandstrengthenitsneuralcircuits:

Recall being with someone who really loves you—the feeling ofreceiving caring activates the deep attachment system circuitry in yourbrain,primingittogivecompassion.Bringtomindsomeoneyounaturallyfeelcompassionfor,suchasachildor a person you love—this easy flowof compassion arouses its neuralunderpinnings(includingoxytocin,theinsula [whichsensestheinternalstate of your body], and the PFC), “warming them up” for self-compassion.

Extend this same compassion to yourself—be aware of your ownsuffering and extend concern and good wishes toward yourself; sensecompassionsiftingdownintorawplacesinside,fallinglikeagentlerainthat touches everything. The actions related to a feeling strengthen it(Niedenthal2007), soplaceyourpalmonyourcheekorheartwith thetendernessandwarmthyou’dgiveahurtchild.SayphrasesinyourmindsuchasMayIbehappyagain.Maythepainofthismomentpass.Overall, open to the sense that you are receiving compassion—deepdown in your brain, the actual source of good feelings doesn’t mattermuch;whether thecompassion is fromyouor fromanotherperson, letyoursenseofbeingsoothedandcaredforsinkin.

chapter2:KeyPoints

Threefundamentalstrategieshaveevolvedtohelpuspassonourgenes:creating separations, stabilizing systems, and approachingopportunitieswhileavoidingthreats.Althoughthesestrategiesareveryeffectiveforsurvival,theyalsomakeyousuffer.Theefforttomaintainseparationsisatoddswiththemyriadwaysyou’reactuallyconnectedwiththeworldanddependentuponit.Asaresult,youmay feel subtly isolated, alienated, overwhelmed, or as if you’re in astrugglewiththeworld.When the systems within your body, mind, and relationships becomeunstable, your brain produces uncomfortable signals of threat. Sinceeverythingkeepschanging,thesesignalskeepcoming.Your brain colors your experiences with a feeling tone—pleasant,unpleasant,orneutral—soyou’llapproachwhat’spleasant,avoidwhat’sunpleasant,andmoveonfromwhat’sneutral.Inparticular,weevolvedtopaygreatattentiontounpleasantexperiences.This negativity bias overlooks good news, highlights bad news, andcreatesanxietyandpessimism.Thebrainhasawonderfulcapacitytosimulateexperiences,butthere’saprice:thesimulatorpullsyououtofthemoment,plusitsetsyouchasingpleasuresthataren’tthatgreatandresistingpainsthatareexaggeratedornotevenreal.Compassionforyourselfhelpsreduceyoursuffering.

chapter3

TheFirstandSecondDart

Ultimately,happinesscomesdowntochoosingbetweenthediscomfortofbecomingawareofyourmentalafflictionsandthediscomfortofbeingruledby

them.—YongeyMingyurRinpoche

Somephysicaldiscomfort isunavoidable; it’sacrucial signal to takeaction toprotect lifeand limb, like thepain thatmakesyoupullyourhandbackfromahot stove. Some mental discomfort is inevitable, too. For example, as weevolved,growingemotional investments in children andothermembersof theband motivated our ancestors to keep those carriers of their genes alive;understandably,then,wefeeldistresswhendearonesarethreatenedandsorrowwhen theyareharmed.Wealso evolved to caregreatly aboutourplace in thebandandintheheartsofothers,soit’snormaltofeelhurtifyou’rerejectedorscorned.To borrow an expression from the Buddha, inescapable physical or mental

discomfortisthe“firstdart”ofexistence.Aslongasyouliveandlove,someofthosedartswillcomeyourway.

TheDartsWeThrowOurselvesFirst darts are unpleasant to be sure. But then we add our reactions to them.Thesereactionsare“seconddarts”—theoneswe throwourselves.Mostofoursufferingcomesfromseconddarts.Supposeyou’rewalkingthroughadarkroomatnightandstubyourtoeona

chair;rightafterthefirstdartofpaincomesaseconddartofanger:“Whomovedthatdarnchair?!”Ormaybealovedoneiscoldtoyouwhenyou’rehopingforsomecaring;inadditiontothenaturaldropinthepitofyourstomach(firstdart),youmight feelunwanted (seconddart)asa resultofhavingbeen ignoredasa

child.Second darts often trigger more second darts through associative neural

networks:youmightfeelguiltaboutyourangerthatsomeonemovedthechair,or sadness that you feel hurt yet again by someoneyou love. In relationships,seconddarts createvicious cycles: your second-dart reactions trigger reactionsfromtheotherperson,whichsetoffmoreseconddartsfromyou,andsoon.Remarkably,mostofoursecond-dartreactionsoccurwhenthereisinfactno

firstdartanywheretobefound—whenthere’snopaininherentintheconditionswe’rereactingto.Weaddsufferingtothem.Forexample,sometimesI’llcomehome from work and the house will be a mess, with the kids’ stuff all over.That’sthecondition.Isthereafirstdartinthecoatsandshoesonthesofaorthecluttercovering thecounter?No, there isn’t;noonedroppedabrickonmeorhurtmychildren.DoIhavetogetupset?Notreally.Icouldignorethestuff,pickitupcalmly,or talkwith themabout it.Sometimes Imanage tohandle it thatway.But if I don’t, then the second darts start landing, tippedwith theThreePoisons:greedmakesmerigidabouthowIwantthingstobe,hatredgetsmeallbotheredandangry,anddelusiontricksmeintotakingthesituationpersonally.Saddestofall, somesecond-dart reactionsare toconditions thatareactually

positive.Ifsomeonepaysyouacompliment,that’sapositivesituation.Butthenyoumightstartthinking,withsomenervousnessandevenalittleshame:Oh,I’mnot really thatgoodaperson.Maybe they’ll findout I’ma fraud.Right there,needlesssecond-dartsufferingbegins.

HeatingUpSufferingisnotabstractorconceptual.It’sembodied:youfeel it inyourbody,and it proceeds through bodily mechanisms. Understanding the physicalmachinery of suffering will help you see it increasingly as an impersonalcondition—unpleasant to be sure, but not worth getting upset about, whichwouldjustbringmoreseconddarts.Suffering cascades through your body via the sympathetic nervous system

(SNS) and the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis (HPAA) of the endocrine(hormonal)system.Let’sunscramblethisalphabetsouptoseehowitallworks.WhiletheSNSandHPAAareanatomicallydistinct,theyaresointertwinedthatthey’re best described together, as an integrated system. And we’ll focus onreactions dominated by an aversion to sticks (e.g., fear, anger) rather than agraspingforcarrots,sinceaversivereactionsusuallyhaveabiggerimpactdueto

thenegativitybiasofthebrain.

AlarmsGoOff

Somethinghappens. Itmight be a car suddenly cuttingyouoff, a put-downfrom a coworker, or even just a worrisome thought. Social and emotionalconditionscanpackawalloplikephysicalonessincepsychologicalpaindrawson many of the same neural networks as physical pain (Eisenberger andLieberman 2004); this iswhy getting rejected can feel as bad as a root canal.Even just anticipatingachallengingevent—suchasgivinga talknextweek—canhaveasmuchimpactaslivingthroughitforreal.Whateverthesourceofthethreat,theamygdalasoundsthealarm,settingoffseveralreactions:

The thalamus—the relay station in the middle of your head—sends a“Wakeup!”signaltoyourbrainstem,whichinturnreleasesstimulatingnorepinephrinethroughoutyourbrain.TheSNS sends signals to themajor organs andmuscle groups in yourbody,readyingthemforfightingorfleeing.The hypothalamus—the brain’s primary regulator of the endocrinesystem—prompts the pituitary gland to signal the adrenal glands toreleasethe“stresshormones”epinephrine(adrenaline)andcortisol.

ReadyforAction

Within a secondor twoof the initial alarm,yourbrain is on red alert, yourSNS is lit up like aChristmas tree, and stress hormones arewashing throughyourblood.Inotherwords,you’reatleastalittleupset.What’sgoingoninyourbody?Epinephrine increases your heart rate (so your heart canmovemore blood)

anddilatesyourpupils(soyoureyesgathermorelight).Norepinephrineshuntsblood to largemusclegroups.Meanwhile, thebronchiolesofyour lungsdilateforincreasedgasexchange—enablingyoutohitharderorrunfaster.Cortisolsuppressestheimmunesystemtoreduceinflammationfromwounds.

It also revs up stress reactions in two circularways: First, it causes the brainstemtostimulatetheamygdalafurther,whichincreasesamygdalaactivationof

the SNS/HPAA system—which produces more cortisol. Second, cortisolsuppresses hippocampal activity (which normally inhibits the amygdala); thistakesthebrakesofftheamygdala,leadingtoyetmorecortisol.Reproduction is sidelined—no time for sexwhen you’re running for cover.

Thesamefordigestion:salivationdecreasesandperistalsisslowsdown,soyourmouthfeelsdryandyoubecomeconstipated.Youremotionsintensify,organizingandmobilizingthewholebrainforaction.

SNS/HPAA arousal stimulates the amygdala, which is hardwired to focus onnegativeinformationandreactintenselytoit.Consequently,feelingstressedsetsyouupforfearandanger.As limbic and endocrine activation increases, the relative strength of

executivecontrolfromthePFCdeclines.It’slikebeinginacarwitharunawayaccelerator:thedriverhaslesscontroloverhervehicle.Further,thePFCisalsoaffectedbySNS/HPAAarousal,whichpushesappraisals,attributionsofothers’intentions,andprioritiesinanegativedirection:nowthedriverofthecareeningcar thinks everybody else is an idiot. For example, consider the differencebetweenyourtakeonasituationwhenyou’reupsetandyourthoughtsaboutitlaterwhenyou’recalmer.In the harsh physical and social environments in which we evolved, this

activationofmultiplebodily systemshelpedour ancestors survive.Butwhat’sthecostofthistoday,withthechroniclow-gradestressesofmodernlife?

KeyPartsofYourBrainEachofthesepartsofyourbraindoesmanythings;thefunctionslistedherearethoserelevanttothisbook.

Figure6:KeyPartsofYourBrain

Prefrontalcortex(PFC)—setsgoals,makesplans,directsaction;shapesemotions,inpartbyguidingandsometimesinhibitingthelimbicsystemAnterior (frontal) cingulate cortex (ACC)—steadies attention andmonitors plans; helps integrate thinking and feeling (Yamasaki, LaBar,andMcCarthy2002);a“cingulate”isacurvedbundleofnervefibersInsula—senses the internal state of your body, including gut feelings;helps you be empathic; located on the inside of the temporal lobes oneachsideofyourhead(temporallobesandinsulanotshowninfigure6)Thalamus—themajorrelaystationforsensoryinformationBrainstem—sendsneuromodulatorssuchasserotoninanddopaminetotherestofthebrainCorpuscallosum—passes informationbetween the twohemispheresofthebrainCerebellum—regulatesmovementLimbicsystem—central to emotion andmotivation; includes the basalganglia, hippocampus, amygdala, hypothalamus, and pituitary gland;sometimesalsoconsideredtoincludepartsofthecortex(e.g.,cingulate,insula), but for simplicity we will define it anatomically in terms ofsubcorticalstructures;manypartsofthebrainbesidesthelimbicsystemareinvolvedwithemotionBasal ganglia—involved with rewards, stimulation seeking, andmovement;“ganglia”aremassesoftissue

Hippocampus—formsnewmemories;detectsthreatsAmygdala—a kind of “alarm bell” that responds particularly toemotionally charged or negative stimuli (Rasia-Filho, Londero, andAchaval2000)Hypothalamus—regulatesprimaldrivessuchashungerandsex;makesoxytocin;activatesthepituitaryglandPituitary gland—makes endorphins; triggers stress hormones; storesandreleasesoxytocin

LifeonSimmerGettingfiredupforgoodreason—suchasbecomingpassionateandenthusiastic,handling emergencies, or being forceful for a good cause—definitely has itsplace in life. But second darts are a bad reason to light up the SNS/HPAAsystem,andif theybecomeroutine, theycanpushtheneedleonyourpersonalstressmeterintotheredzone.Further,apartfromyourindividualsituation,weliveinapedal-to-the-metalsocietythatreliesonnonstopSNS/HPAAactivation;unfortunately,thisiscompletelyunnaturalintermsofourevolutionarytemplate.Forallof thesereasons,mostofusexperienceongoingSNS/HPAAarousal.

Even if your pot isn’t boiling over, just simmering along with second-dartactivation is quite unhealthy. It continually shunts resources away from long-termprojects—suchasbuildinga strong immune systemorpreservingagoodmood—infavorofshort-termcrises.Andthishaslastingconsequences.

PhysicalConsequences

Inourevolutionarypast,whenmostpeoplediedbyfortyorso,theshort-termbenefitsofSNS/HPAAactivationoutweigheditslong-termcosts.Butforpeopletoday who are interested in living well during their forties and beyond, theaccumulating damage of an overheated life is a real concern. For example,chronicSNS/HPAAstimulationdisturbsthesesystemsandincreasesrisksforthehealth problems listed (Licinio, Gold, andWong 1995; Sapolsky 1998; Wolf1995):

Gastrointestinal—ulcers,colitis,irritablebowelsyndrome,diarrhea,and

constipationImmune—more frequentcoldsand flus, slowerwoundhealing,greatervulnerabilitytoseriousinfectionsCardiovascular—hardeningofthearteries,heartattacksEndocrine—type II diabetes, premenstrual syndrome, erectiledysfunction,loweredlibido

MentalConsequences

For all their effects on the body, second darts usually have their greatestimpactonpsychologicalwell-being.Let’s seehow theywork inyourbrain toraiseanxietyandlowermood.

ANXIETY

RepeatedSNS/HPAAactivitymakestheamygdalamorereactivetoapparentthreats, which in turn increases SNS/HPAA activation, which sensitizes theamygdalafurther.Thementalcorrelateofthisphysicalprocessisanincreasinglyrapidarousalofstateanxiety(anxietybasedonspecificsituations).Additionally,theamygdalahelpsformimplicitmemories(tracesofpastexperiencesthatexistbeneath conscious awareness); as it becomes more sensitized, it increasinglyshadesthoseresidueswithfear,thusintensifyingtraitanxiety (ongoinganxietyregardlessofthesituation).Meanwhile, frequent SNS/HPAA activation wears down the hippocampus,

which is vital for forming explicit memories—clear records of what actuallyhappened. Cortisol and related glucocorticoid hormones both weaken existingsynapticconnectionsinthehippocampusandinhibittheformationofnewones.Further,thehippocampusisoneofthefewregionsinthehumanbrainthatcanactuallygrownewneurons—yetglucocorticoidspreventthebirthofneuronsinthehippocampus,impairingitsabilitytoproducenewmemories.It’s a bad combination for the amygdala to be oversensitized while the

hippocampus is compromised: painful experiences can then be recorded inimplicitmemory—withallthedistortionsandturbo-chargingofanamygdalaonoverdrive—withoutanaccurateexplicitmemoryof them.Thismight feel like:Something happened, I’m not sure what, but I’m really upset. This may helpexplainwhyvictimsof traumacan feeldissociated from theawful things theyexperienced,yetbeveryreactivetoanytriggerthatremindsthemunconsciously

of what once occurred. In less extreme situations, the one-two punch of arevved-up amygdala and aweakened hippocampus can lead to feeling a littleupsetalotofthetimewithoutexactlyknowingwhy.

DEPRESSEDMOOD

RoutineSNS/HPAAactivationunderminesthebiochemicalbasisofaneven-keeled—letalonecheerful—dispositioninanumberofways:

Norepinephrine helps you feel alert and mentally energetic, butglucocorticoidhormonesdeplete it.Reducednorepinephrinemaycauseyou to feel flat—even apathetic—with poor concentration; these areclassicsymptomsofdepression.Overtime,glucocorticoidslowertheproductionofdopamine.Thisleadsto a loss of enjoyment of activities once found pleasurable: anotherclassiccriterionfordepression.Stress reduces serotonin, probably themost important neurotransmitterfor maintaining a good mood. When serotonin drops, so doesnorepinephrine,which has already been diminished by glucocorticoids.Inshort,lessserotoninmeansmorevulnerabilitytoabluemoodandlessalertinterestintheworld.

AnIntimateProcess

Of course, our experience of these physiological processes is very intimate.When I’mupset, I suredon’t think about all of thesebiochemical details.Buthavingageneral ideaof themin thebackofmymindhelpsmeappreciate thesheerphysicalityofaseconddartcascade,itsimpersonalnatureanddependenceonprecedingcauses,anditsimpermanence.This understanding is hopeful andmotivating. Suffering has clear causes in

yourbrainandbody,soifyouchangeitscauses,you’llsufferalotless.Andyoucanchangethosecauses.Fromthispointon,we’regoingtofocusonhowtodojustthat.

TheParasympatheticNervousSystem

Sofar,we’veexaminedhowreactionspoweredbygreedandhatred—especiallythe latter—ripple through your brain and body, shaped by the sympatheticnervous system.But the SNS is just one of the threewings of theautonomicnervoussystem(ANS),whichoperatesmostlybelowthelevelofconsciousnesstoregulatemanybodilysystemsandtheirresponsestochangingconditions.TheothertwowingsoftheANSaretheparasympatheticnervoussystem(PNS)andtheentericnervoussystem(whichregulatesyourgastrointestinalsystem).Let’sfocusonthePNSandSNSastheyplaycrucialrolesinyoursuffering—anditsend.The PNS conserves energy in your body and is responsible for ongoing,

steady-state activity. It produces a feeling of relaxation, oftenwith a sense ofcontentment—thisiswhyit’ssometimescalledthe“rest-and-digest”system,incontrasttothe“fight-or-flight”SNS.ThesetwowingsoftheANSareconnectedlikeaseesaw:whenonegoesup,theotheronegoesdown.Parasympatheticactivationisthenormalrestingstateofyourbody,brain,and

mind. IfyourSNSwere surgicallydisconnected,you’d stayalive (thoughyouwouldn’t be very useful in an emergency). If your PNS were disconnected,however,you’dstopbreathingandsoondie.Sympatheticactivationisachangeto the baseline of PNS equilibrium in order to respond to a threat or anopportunity.Thecooling,steadyinginfluenceofthePNShelpsyouthinkclearlyand avoid hot-headed actions that would harm you or others. The PNS alsoquietsthemindandfosterstranquility,whichsupportscontemplativeinsight.

TheBigPictureThePNS andSNS evolvedhand in hand in order to keep animals—includinghumans—aliveinpotentiallylethalenvironments.Weneedbothofthem.Forexample,takefivebreaths,inhalingandexhalingalittlemorefullythan

usual. This is both energizing and relaxing, activating first the sympatheticsystem and then the parasympathetic one, back and forth, in a gentle rhythm.Notice how you feel when you’re done. That combination of aliveness andcenterednessistheessenceofthepeakperformancezonerecognizedbyathletes,businesspeople, artists, lovers, and meditators. It’s the result of the SNS andPNS,thegaspedalandthebrakes,workinginharmonytogether.Happiness,love,andwisdomaren’tfurtheredbyshuttingdowntheSNS,but

ratherbykeepingtheautonomicnervoussystemasawholeinanoptimalstateofbalance:

MainlyparasympatheticarousalforabaselineofeaseandpeacefulnessMildSNSactivationforenthusiasm,vitality,andwholesomepassionsOccasionalSNSspikes todealwithdemandingsituations, fromagreatopportunityatworktoalate-nightcallfromateenagerwhoneedsaridehomefromapartygonebad

This is your best-odds prescription for a long, productive, happy life. Ofcourse,ittakespractice.

APathofPracticeAsthesayinggoes,painisinevitablebutsufferingisoptional.Ifyoucansimplystaypresentwithwhateverisarisinginawareness—whetherit’safirstdartorasecondone—withoutreactingfurther,thenyouwillbreakthechainofsufferingright there.Over time, through trainingand shapingyourmindandbrain,youcanevenchangewhat arises, increasingwhat’spositive anddecreasingwhat’snegative.Inthemeantime,youcanrestinandbenourishedbyagrowingsenseofthepeaceandclarityinyourtruenature.These three processes—being with whatever arises, working with the

tendenciesofmindtotransformthem,andtakingrefugeinthegroundofbeing—are the essential practices of the path of awakening. In many ways theycorrespond, respectively, tomindfulness,virtue,andwisdom—and to the threefundamentalneuralfunctionsoflearning,regulating,andselecting.Asyoudealwithdifferentissuesonyourpathofawakening,you’llrepeatedly

encounterthesestagesofgrowth:

Stage one—you’re caught in a second-dart reaction and don’t evenrealize it: your partner forgets to bring milk home and you complainangrilywithoutseeingthatyourreactionisoverthetop.Stagetwo—yourealizeyou’vebeenhijackedbygreedorhatred(inthebroadest sense), but cannot help yourself: internally you’re squirming,butyoucan’tstopgrumblingbitterlyaboutthemilk.Stagethree—someaspectofthereactionarises,butyoudon’tactitout:youfeelirritatedbutremindyourselfthatyourpartnerdoesalotforyou

alreadyandgettingcrankywilljustmakethingsworse.Stage four—the reaction doesn’t even come up, and sometimes youforgetyoueverhad the issue:youunderstand that there’snomilk, andyoucalmlyfigureoutwhattodonowwithyourpartner.

In education, these are known succinctly as unconscious incompetence,conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence.They’reusefullabelsforknowingwhereyouarewithagivenissue.Thesecondstage is thehardestone,andoftenwherewewant toquit.So it’s important tokeepaimingforthethirdandfourthstages—justkeepatitandyou’lldefinitelygetthere!It takeseffortandtimetoclearoldstructuresandbuildnewones.Icall this

the lawof little things: although littlemoments of greed, hatred, and delusionhaveleftresiduesofsufferinginyourmindandbrain,lotsoflittlemomentsofpractice will replace these Three Poisons and the suffering they cause withhappiness,love,andwisdom.We’ve covered a lot of ground and have seen a lot about the evolutionary

origins and neural causes of suffering.Now, in the rest of this book, let’s seehowtoendit.

chapter3:KeyPoints

Some physical and mental discomforts are unavoidable. These are the“firstdarts”oflife.Whenwereact toafirstdartwithoneormoreof theThreePoisonsofgreed, hatred, and delusion (broadly defined)—each one of which hascraving at its center—we start throwing second darts at ourselves andothers.Infact,weoftentossseconddartsevenwhennofirstdartistobefound.Mostpoignantly,wesometimesthrowseconddartsasareactiontosituationsthatareactuallygood,suchasreceivingacompliment.Suffering is deeply embodied. Physical reactions involving yoursympathetic nervous system (SNS) and hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenalaxis(HPAA)causesufferingtosnowballthroughoutyourbody.Most people experience chronic second-dart cascades, with numerousnegativeconsequencesfortheirphysicalandmentalhealth.Therest-and-digestparasympatheticnervoussystem(PNS)calmsdownSNS/HPAAactivation.Thebest-oddsprescription fora long,good life is abaselineofmainlyPNS arousal with mild SNS activation for vitality, combined withoccasionalSNSspikesformajoropportunitiesorthreats.Being with whatever arises, working with the tendencies of mind totransformthem,andtakingrefugeinthegroundofbeingaretheessentialpractices of the path of awakening. In many ways, these practicescorrespond,respectively,tomindfulness,virtue,andwisdom.Onthepathofawakening,keepgoing!Lotsoflittlemomentsofpracticewillgraduallyandtrulyincreaseyourcontentment,kindness,andinsight.

PARTTWO

HAPPINESS

chapter4

TakingintheGood

Iamlarger,betterthanIthought,IdidnotknowIheldsomuchgoodness.—WaltWhitman,“SongoftheOpenRoad”

Muchasyourbodyisbuiltfromthefoodsyoueat,yourmindisbuiltfromtheexperiencesyouhave.Theflowofexperiencegraduallysculptsyourbrain,thusshapingyourmind.Someoftheresultscanbeexplicitlyrecalled:ThisiswhatIdidlastsummer;thatishowIfeltwhenIwasinlove.Butmostoftheshapingofyourmind remains foreverunconscious.This iscalled implicitmemory,and itincludes your expectations,models of relationships, emotional tendencies, andgeneraloutlook.Implicitmemoryestablishestheinteriorlandscapeofyourmind—what it feels like to be you—based on the slowly accumulating residues oflivedexperience.Inasense,thoseresiduescanbesortedintotwopiles:thosethatbenefityou

andothers,andthosethatcauseharm.ToparaphrasetheWiseEffortsectionofBuddhism’s Noble Eightfold Path, you should create, preserve, and increasebeneficialimplicitmemories,andprevent,eliminate,ordecreaseharmfulones.

TheNegativityBiasofMemoryBut here’s the problem: your brain preferentially scans for, registers, stores,recalls,andreacts tounpleasantexperiences;aswe’vesaid, it’s likeVelcrofornegative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. Consequently, even whenpositive experiences outnumber negative ones, the pile of negative implicitmemories naturally grows faster.Then the background feelingofwhat it feelsliketobeyoucanbecomeundeservedlyglumandpessimistic.Sure, negative experiences do have benefits: loss opens the heart, remorse

provides a moral compass, anxiety alerts you to threats, and anger spotlightswrongsthatshouldberighted.Butdoyoureallythinkyou’renothavingenough

negative experiences?!Emotional painwith nobenefit to yourself or others ispointless suffering.And pain today breedsmore pain tomorrow. For instance,even a single episode ofmajor depression can reshape circuits of the brain tomakefutureepisodesmorelikely(Maleticetal.2007).Theremedyisnottosuppressnegativeexperiences;whentheyhappen,they

happen. Rather, it is to foster positive experiences—and in particular, to taketheminsotheybecomeapermanentpartofyou.

InternalizingthePositiveHere’show,inthreesteps:

1. Turn positive facts into positive experiences. Good things keephappening all around us, but much of the time we don’t notice them;evenwhenwedo,weoftenhardly feel them.Someone is nice to you,youseeanadmirablequalityinyourself,aflowerisblooming,youfinishadifficultproject—anditalljustrollsby.Instead,activelylookforgoodnews,particularly the little stuffofdaily life: the facesof children, thesmellofanorange,amemoryfromahappyvacation,aminorsuccessatwork, and so on. Whatever positive facts you find, bring a mindfulawareness to them—open up to them and let them affect you. It’s likesittingdowntoabanquet:don’tjustlookatit—digin!

2. Savortheexperience.It’sdelicious!Makeitlastbystayingwithitfor5,10,even20seconds;don’tletyourattentionskitterofftosomethingelse.Thelongerthatsomethingisheldinawarenessandthemoreemotionallystimulating it is, themoreneurons that fireand thuswire together, andthestrongerthetraceinmemory(Lewis2005).

Focusonyouremotionsandbodysensations,sincethesearetheessenceofimplicitmemory.Let theexperiencefillyourbodyandbeas intenseaspossible.Forexample,ifsomeoneisgoodtoyou,letthefeelingofbeingcaredaboutbringwarmthtoyourwholechest.

Pay particular attention to the rewarding aspects of the experience—forexample,howgooditfeelstogetagreatbighugfromsomeoneyoulove.Focusingon these rewards increases dopamine release,whichmakes iteasier to keep giving the experience your attention, and strengthens itsneuralassociationsinimplicitmemory.You’renotdoingthistoclingtothe rewards—which would eventually make you suffer—but rather to

internalize them so that you carry them inside you and don’t need toreachforthemintheouterworld.

You can also intensify an experience by deliberately enriching it. Forexample,ifyouaresavoringarelationshipexperience,youcouldcallupother feelings of being loved by others, which will help stimulateoxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—and thus deepen your sense ofconnection. Or you could strengthen your feelings of satisfaction aftercompleting a demanding project by thinking about some of thechallengesyouhadtoovercome.

3. Imagineorfeelthattheexperienceisenteringdeeplyintoyourmindandbody,likethesun’swarmthintoaT-shirt,waterintoasponge,orajewelplaced in a treasure chest in your heart. Keep relaxing your body andabsorbingtheemotions,sensations,andthoughtsoftheexperience.

HealingPainPositive experiences can also be used to soothe, balance, and even replacenegativeones.Whentwothingsareheldinmindatthesametime,theystarttoconnectwitheachother.That’sone reasonwhy talkingabouthard thingswithsomeonewho’ssupportivecanbesohealing:painfulfeelingsandmemoriesgetinfusedwiththecomfort,encouragement,andclosenessyouexperiencewiththeotherperson.

UsingtheMachineryofMemory

Thesementalminglings draw on the neuralmachinery ofmemory.When amemory—whetherimplicitorexplicit—ismade,onlyitskeyfeaturesarestored,noteverysingledetail.Otherwise,yourbrainwouldbecomesocrowdedthatitwouldn’t have space to learn anything new. For example, remember anexperience, even a recent one, and notice how schematic your recollection is,withthemainfeaturessketchedinbutmanydetailsleftout.Whenyourbrainretrievesamemory, itdoesnotdoit likeacomputerdoes,

which calls up a complete record ofwhat’s on its hard drive (e.g., document,picture,song).Yourbrainrebuildsimplicitandexplicitmemoriesfromtheirkeyfeatures,drawingonitssimulatingcapacitiestofillinmissingdetails.Whilethisis more work, it’s also a more efficient use of neural real estate—this way

completerecordsdon’tneedtobestored.Andyourbrainissofastthatyoudon’tnoticetheregenerationofeachmemory.This rebuildingprocess gives you the opportunity, right down in themicro-

circuitryofyourbrain,tograduallyshifttheemotionalshadingsofyourinteriorlandscape.Whenamemoryisactivated,alarge-scaleassemblyofneuronsandsynapsesformsanemergentpattern.Ifotherthingsareinyourmindatthesametime—and particularly if they’re strongly pleasant or unpleasant—youramygdala and hippocampuswill automatically associate themwith that neuralpattern (Pare, Collins, and Pelletier 2002). Then, when the memory leavesawareness, it will be reconsolidated in storage along with those otherassociations.Thenexttimethememoryisactivated,itwilltendtobringthoseassociations

with it. Thus, if you repeatedly bring to mind negative feelings and thoughtswhile amemory is active, then thatmemorywill be increasingly shaded in anegative direction. For example, recalling an old failurewhile simultaneouslylambastingyourselfwillmakethatfailureseemincreasinglyawful.Ontheotherhand,ifyoucalluppositiveemotionsandperspectiveswhileimplicitorexplicitmemoriesareactive,thesewholesomeinfluenceswillslowlybewovenintothefabricofthosememories.Everytimeyoudothis—everytimeyousiftpositivefeelingsandviewsinto

painful, limitingstatesofmind—youbuilda littlebitofneuralstructure.Overtime,theaccumulatingimpactofthispositivematerialwillliterally,synapsebysynapse,changeyourbrain.

LifelongLearning

Neuralcircuitsstartedformingbeforeyouwereborn,andyourbrainwillkeeplearningandchanginguptoyourverylastbreath.Humanshave the longest childhoodofanyanimalon theplanet.Sincechildren are very vulnerable in thewild, theremust have been a largeevolutionary payoff in giving the brain an extended period of intensedevelopment. Of course, learning continues after childhood; wecontinually acquirenew skills andknowledge all theway intoold age.(Afterheturned90,mydadmademyjawdropwithanarticleinwhichhecalculatedthebestoddsfordifferentbidsinbridge; therearelotsof

similarexamples.)The brain’s capacity to learn—and thus change itself—is calledneuroplasticity.Usually, the results are tiny, incremental alternations inneuralstructurethataddupastheyearsgoby.Occasionally,theresultsare dramatic—for example, in blind people, some occipital regionsdesigned for visual processing can be rezoned for auditory functions(Begley2007).Mentalactivityshapesneuralstructureinavarietyofways:

Neuronsthatareparticularlyactivebecomeevenmoreresponsivetoinput.Busy neural networks receive increased blood flow, whichsuppliesthemwithmoreglucoseandoxygen.Whenneurons fire together—within a fewmilliseconds of eachother—they strengthen their existing synapses and form newones;thisishowthey“wire”together(Tanakaetal.2008).Inactivesynapseswitherawaythroughneuronalpruning,akindof survival of the busiest: use it or lose it.A toddler has aboutthree times as many synapses as an adult; on the way toadulthood,adolescentscanloseupto10,000synapsespersecondintheprefrontalcortex(PFC)(Spear2000).Brandnewneuronsgrow in thehippocampus; thisneurogenesisincreases the openness of memory networks to new learning(Gouldetal.1999).

Emotionalarousalfacilitateslearningbyincreasingneuralexcitationandconsolidatingsynapticchange(Lewis2005).

Because of all the ways your brain changes its structure, your experiencemattersbeyonditsmomentary,subjectiveimpact.Itmakesenduringchangesinthephysicaltissuesofyourbrainwhichaffectyourwell-being,functioning,andrelationships.Basedon science, this is a fundamental reason forbeingkind toyourself,cultivatingwholesomeexperiences,andtakingthemin.

PullingWeedsandPlantingFlowers

Tograduallyreplacenegativeimplicitmemorieswithpositiveones,justmakethepositive aspectsofyour experienceprominent and relatively intense in theforeground of your awareness while simultaneously placing the negative

materialinthebackground.Imaginethatthepositivecontentsofyourawarenessare sinking down into old wounds, soothing chafed and bruised places like awarm golden salve, filling up hollows, slowly replacing negative feelings andbeliefswithpositiveones.Thenegativementalmaterialyou’reworkingwithcouldbefromadulthood,

including current experiences. But it’s often important to address explicit andimplicitmemories fromyourchildhood,since theseareusually the taprootsofthethingsthatkeepupsettingyou.Peoplesometimesgetangrywiththemselvesabout still being affected by things from the past. But remember: the brain isdesignedtochangethroughexperiences,especiallynegativeones;welearnfromour experiences, particularly those that happened during childhood, and it isnaturalforthatlearningtostickwithus.Growingup,Iusedtoweeddandelions inourfrontyard,andthey’dalways

growbackifIdidn’tpullouttheirentireroot.Upsetsarelikethat,too.Sosensedown into the youngest, most vulnerable,most emotionally charged layers ofyourmind,andfeelaroundforthetipoftherootofwhateverisbotheringyou.Withalittlepracticeandself-understanding,you’lldevelopashortlistof“usualsuspects”—thedeepsourcesofyourrecurringupsets—andyou’llstartroutinelyconsidering themifyou feel irritated,anxious,hurt,or inadequate.Thesedeepsources might include feeling unwanted by others due to being unpopular inschool, a sense of helplessness from a chronic illness, ormistrust of intimacyfollowingabaddivorce.Whenyoufindthetipoftheroot,takeinthegoodthatwillgraduallydislodgeitsholduponyou.You’llbepullingweedsandplantingflowersinthegardenofyourmind.Painful experiences are often best healed by positive ones that are their

opposite—for example, replacing childhood feelings of being weak with acurrent sense of strength. If sadness frommistreatment in an old relationshipkeepscomingup,recallbeinglovedbyotherpeople,andletthosefeelingssinkin.Add thepowerof languagebysayingsomething like this toyourself: Igotthroughallthat,I’mstillhere,andmanypeopleloveme.Youwon’tforgetwhathappened,butitsemotionalchargewillsteadilydiminish.Thepointisnottoresistpainfulexperiencesorgraspatpleasantones:that’sa

kindofcraving—andcravingleads tosuffering.Theart is tofindabalanceinwhich you remain mindful, accepting, and curious regarding difficultexperiences—whilealsotakinginsupportivefeelingsandthoughts.Insum,infusepositivematerialintonegativematerialinthesetwoways:

Whenyouhaveapositiveexperiencetoday,helpitsinkintooldpains.Whennegativematerialarises,bring tomindthepositiveemotionsandperspectivesthatwillbeitsantidote.

Whenever you use one of these methods, try to feel and take in relatedpositive experiences at least a couple more times within the following hour.There’s evidence that negative memory—both explicit and implicit—isespecially vulnerable to change soon after it’s been recalled (Monfils et al.2009).Ifyou’refeelingambitious,dosomethingadditional:takesmallrisksanddo

thingsthatreasontellsyouarefinebutworrywantsyoutoavoid—suchasbeingmoreopenaboutyourtruefeelings,askingdirectlyforlove,orreachinghigherinyourcareer.Whentheresultsturnouttobegood—astheymostlikelywill—taketheminandslowlybutsurelyclearoutthoseoldfears.Mostof the time, taking in thegood takes less thanaminute—often, just a

fewseconds.It’saprivateact.Nooneneedstoknowyou’redoingit.Butovertime,youreallycanbuildnew,positivestructuresinyourbrain.

WhyIt’sGoodtoTakeintheGoodGiven the negativity bias of the brain, it takes an active effort to internalizepositive experiences and heal negative ones. When you tilt toward what’spositive, you’re actually righting a neurological imbalance.And you’re givingyourself today the caring and encouragement you should have received as achild,butperhapsdidn’tgetinfullmeasure.Focusingonwhat iswholesomeand then taking it innaturally increases the

positive emotions flowing through yourmind each day.Emotions have globaleffectssincetheyorganizethebrainasawhole.Consequently,positivefeelingshave far-reaching benefits, including a stronger immune system (Frederickson2000) and a cardiovascular system that is less reactive to stress (Fredericksonand Levenson 1998). They lift yourmood; increase optimism, resilience, andresourcefulness;andhelpcounteracttheeffectsofpainfulexperiences,includingtrauma(Frederickson2001;Fredericksonetal.2000).It’sapositivecycle:goodfeelingstodayincreasethelikelihoodofgoodfeelingstomorrow.Thesebenefitsapplytochildrenaswell.Inparticular,takinginthegoodhasa

special payoff for kids at either the spirited or the anxious end of thetemperament spectrum. Spirited children usually zip along to the next thing

before good feelings have a chance to consolidate in the brain, and anxiouschildrentendtoignoreordownplaygoodnews.(Andsomekidsarebothspiritedand anxious.) Whatever their temperament, if children are part of your life,encourage them to pause for amoment at the end of the day (or at any othernaturalinterval,suchasthelastminutebeforetheschoolbell)torememberwhatwentwellandthinkaboutthingsthatmakethemhappy(e.g.,apet,theirparents’love, a goal scored in soccer).Thenhave those positive feelings and thoughtssinkin.Intermsofspiritualpractice,takinginthegoodhighlightskeystatesofmind,

suchaskindnessandinnerpeace,soyoucanfindyourwaybacktothemagain.It is rewarding,and thishelpskeepyouon thepathofawakening,whichdoessometimesfeellikeanuphillslog.Itbuildsconvictionandfaithbyshowingyoutheresultsofyourefforts.Itnourisheswholeheartednessthroughitsemphasisonpositive,heartfeltemotions—andwhenyourownheartisfull,youhavemoretooffertoothers.Takinginthegoodisnotaboutputtingahappyshinyfaceoneverything,nor

isitaboutturningawayfromthehardthingsinlife.It’saboutnourishingwell-being,contentment,andpeaceinsidethatarerefugesyoucanalwayscomefromandreturnto.

chapter4:KeyPoints

Explicitmemoriesareconsciousrecollectionsofspecificeventsorotherinformation. Implicit memories are residues of past experiences thatlargelyremainbelowawarenessbutpowerfullyshapetheinnerlandscapeandatmosphereofyourmind.Unfortunately,thebiasofthebraintiltsimplicitmemoriesinanegativedirection,evenwhenmostofyourexperiencesareactuallypositive.The first remedy is to consciously look for and take in positiveexperiences.Therearethreesimplesteps:turnpositivefactsintopositiveexperiences,savortheseexperiences,andsensethemsinkingin.When experiences are consolidated in memory, they take with themwhateverelseisalsoinawareness,especiallyifitisintense.Youcanusethismechanismtoinfusepositivematerialintonegativematerial;thisisthe second remedy.Simplyhave a positive experiencebeprominent inawarenesswhilethepainfuloneissenseddimlyinthebackground.Usethismethod in twoways:whenyouhaveapositiveexperience,help itsink into, soothe, and replace old pains;when negativematerial arises,bringtomindemotionsandperspectivesthatareitsantidote.Become aware of the deep roots of recurring upsets; the tips of theserootsaretypicallylodgedinchildhoodexperiences;differentupsetsmayhavedifferentroots.Deliberatelydirectpositiveexperiencestowardtheseroots inorder topull themoutcompletelyandstop themfromgrowingback.Everytimeyoutakeinthegood,youbuildalittlebitofneuralstructure.Doing this a few times a day—for months and even years—willgradually changeyourbrain, andhowyou feel andact, in far-reachingways.It’sgoodtotakeinthegood.Itbuildsuppositiveemotions,withmanybenefits for your physical and mental health. It’s a great resource forchildren,especiallyspiritedoranxiousones.Anditaidsspiritualpracticebysupportingmotivation,conviction,andwholeheartedness.

chapter5

CoolingtheFires

Indeed,thesagewho’sfullyquenchedRestsateaseineveryway;

NosensedesireadherestohimWhosefireshavecooled,deprivedoffuel.

Allattachmentshavebeensevered,Theheart’sbeenledawayfrompain;Tranquil,herestswithutmostease.Themindhasfounditswaytopeace.TheBuddha(Cullavagga6:4.4)

As we’ve seen, your sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and stress-relatedhormones “fire up” to help you pursue opportunities and avoid threats.Whilethere’scertainlyaplaceforhealthypassionandforstrongstandsagainstthingsthatareharmful,mostofthetimewe’rejustoverheated—caughtupwithsomecarrot or struggling with some stick. Then we feel driven, rattled, stressed,irritated, anxious, or blue.Definitely not happy.Weneed to lower the flames.Thischapterwillcovermanywaystodojustthat.Ifyourbodyhadafiredepartment,itwouldbetheparasympatheticnervous

system(PNS),sothat’swherewe’llstart.

ActivatingtheParasympatheticNervousSystemYour body has numerous major systems, including the endocrine (hormone),cardiovascular, immune, gastrointestinal, and nervous systems. If youwant tousethemind-bodyconnectiontoloweryourstress,coolthefires,andimproveyour long-term health, what’s the optimal point of entry into all of thesesystems?It’stheautonomicnervoussystem(ANS).

This is because the ANS—which is part of the larger nervous system—isintertwinedwithandhelpsregulateeveryothersystem.AndmentalactivityhasgreaterdirectinfluenceovertheANSthananyotherbodilysystem.Whenyoustimulate the parasympathetic wing of the ANS, calming, soothing, healingripplesspreadthroughyourbody,brain,andmind.Let’sexploreavarietyofwaystolightupthePNS.

Relaxation

Relaxing engages the circuitryof thePNSand thus strengthens it.Relaxingalsoquietsthefight-or-flightsympatheticnervoussystem,sincerelaxedmusclessendfeedbacktothealarmcentersinthebrainthatalliswell.Whenyou’reveryrelaxed,it’shardtofeelstressedorupset(Benson2000).Infact,therelaxationresponsemayactuallyalterhowyourgenesareexpressed,andthusreducethecellulardamageofchronicstress(Duseketal.2008).You can reap the benefits of relaxation not only by initiating it in specific,

stressful situations, but also by training your body “offline” to relaxautomatically;themethodsthatfollowcanbeusedineitherway.First,herearefourquickones:

Relaxyourtongue,eyes,andjawmuscles.Feeltensiondrainingoutofyourbodyandsinkingdownintotheearth.Runwarmwateroveryourhands.Scanyourbodyforareasthataretense,andrelaxthem.

DIAPHRAGMBREATHING

The next method—diaphragm breathing—takes a minute or two. Thediaphragm is the muscle beneath your lungs that helps you breathe; activelyworkingitisparticularlyeffectiveforreducinganxiety.Placeyourhandonyourstomachacoupleofinchesbeneaththeupside-down

Vatthecenterofyourribcage.Lookdown,breathenormally,andwatchyourhand.You’llprobablyseeitmoveonlyalittlebit,andsortofupanddown.Leavingyourhandinplace,nowbreatheinsuchawaythatyourhandmoves

outandback,perpendiculartoyourchest.Trytobreatheintoyourhandwithreal

oomph,sothatittravelsbackandforthhalfaninchormorewitheachbreath.This can take some practice, but keep at it and you’ll get it. Next, try

diaphragmbreathingwithoutyourhandsoyoucanusethismethod,ifyoulike,inpublicsettings.

PROGRESSIVERELAXATION

If you have three to ten minutes, try progressive relaxation, in which youfocussystematicallyondifferentpartsofyourbody,workingeitherfromthefeetto theheadorviceversa.Dependingonhowmuch timeyouhave,youmightfocus on large sections of your body—e.g., left leg, right leg—or on muchsmallerunits,suchasleftfoot,rightfoot,leftankle,rightankle,andsoon.Youcandoprogressiverelaxationwithyoureyesopenorclosed,butlearningtodoitwithyoureyesopenwillhelpyourelaxmoredeeplyifyou’rewithotherpeople.In order to relax a part of your body, simply bring it into awareness; for

example,takeamomentrightnowtonoticethesensationsinthebottomofyourleft foot.Orsay“relax”softly inyourmindasyoubringawareness toabodypart.Orlocateapointoraspaceinthatpart.Whateverworksbest.For many people, progressive relaxation is also a great method for falling

asleep.

BigExhalation

Inhaleasmuchasyoucan,hold that inhalation fora fewseconds,and thenexhale slowly while relaxing. A big inhalation really expands your lungs,requiring a big exhalation to bring the lungs back to their resting size. ThisstimulatesthePNS,whichisinchargeofexhaling.

TouchingtheLips

Parasympathetic fibers are spread throughout your lips; thus, touching yourlips stimulates the PNS. Touching your lips can also bring up soothingassociationsofeatingorevenofbreastfeedingwhenyouwereababy.

MindfulnessoftheBody

SinceyourPNS isprimarilydirectedatmaintaining the internalequilibriumofyourbody,bringingattentioninwardactivatesparasympatheticnetworks(aslongasyou’renotworriedaboutyourhealth).Youmayhavealreadyhadsomepracticewithmindfulness of thebody (e.g., yoga, a stress-management class).Mindfulnessjustmeansbeingfullyawareofsomething,inthemomentwithit,andnotjudgingorresistingit.Beattentivetophysicalsensations;that’sallthereistoit.Forexample,noticethesensationsofbreathing,thecoolaircominginandthe

warmairgoingout, thechestandbellyrisingandfalling.Or thesensationsofwalking, reaching, or swallowing. Following even a single breath frombeginning to end—or a single step on the way to work—can be remarkablycenteringandcalming.

Imagery

Althoughmentalactivity iscommonlyequatedwithverbal thought,mostofthebrain isactuallydevoted tononverbalactivities, suchasprocessingmentalpictures.Imageryactivatestherighthemisphereofthebrainandquietsinternalverbalchatterthatcouldbestressful.Likerelaxation,youcanuseimageryonthespottostimulatethePNS,ordo

longervisualizationswhenyou’vegotthetimetodevelopimagerythatwillbeapowerfulanchorforwell-being.Forexample,ifyou’refeelingstressedwhileatwork, you could bring to mind a peaceful mountain lake for a few seconds.Then,whenyouhavemore timeathome,youmightvisualizewalkingaroundthelake,andenrichyourmentalmoviewiththegoodsmellsofpineneedlesorthesoundofchildrenlaughing.

BalanceYourHeartbeat

Aregularheartratehassmallchangesintheintervalbetweeneachbeat;thisiscalledheartratevariability(HRV).Forexample,ifyourheartbeatsixtytimesinaminute, the timebetweenbeatswouldaverageonesecond.Butyourheart isnot a mechanical metronome, and the interval between beats is continuallychanging:itcouldbesomethinglike1sec.,1.05sec.,1.1sec.,1.15sec.,1.1sec.,1.05sec.,1sec.,.95sec.,.9sec.,.85sec.,.9sec.,.95sec.,1sec.,andsoon.HRVreflectstheactivityoftheautonomicnervoussystem.Forexample,your

heartspeedsupalittlewhenyouinhale(SNSactivation)andslowsdownwhenyou exhale (PNS arousal). Stress, negative emotions, and aging all decreaseHRV,andpeoplewithrelativelylowHRVarelesslikelytorecoverafteraheartattack(Kristal-Boneh,etal.1995).Aninterestingquestioniswhetherheartratevariabilityismerelyaneffectof

ups and downs in stress and other factors, or whether changes in HRV canthemselves directly cause improvements in mental and physical health. Theevidence is preliminary, but studies have shown that learning to increase theamountandcoherenceofHRVisassociatedwithdecreasedstress,andimprovedcardiovascularhealth,immunesystemfunction,andmood(Luskin,etal.2002;McCraty,Atkinson,andThomasino2003).HRV is a good indicator of parasympathetic arousal and overallwell-being,

andyoucanchangeitdirectly.TheHeartMathInstitutehaspioneeredthestudyof HRV and developed numerous techniques, which we’ve adapted for thissimple,three-partapproach:

1. Breathe insuchaway thatyour inhalationandexhalationare thesameduration; for example, count one, two, three, four in your mind whileinhaling,andone,two,three,fourwhileexhaling.

2. At the same time, imagine or sense that you’re breathing in and outthroughtheareaofyourheart.

3. As you breathe evenly through your heart, call to mind a pleasant,heartfelt emotion such as gratitude, kindness, or love—perhaps bythinkingaboutahappy time,beingwithyourchildren,appreciation forthegoodthings inyour life,orapet.Youcanalso imaginethisfeelingmovingthroughyourheartaspartofthebreath.

Trythisforaminuteorlonger—you’llprobablybequitestruckbytheresults.

Meditation

Meditation activates the PNS through multiple pathways. These includewithdrawing attention from stressfulmatters, relaxing, andbringing awarenessinto the body. Through stimulating the PNS and other parts of the nervoussystem,regularmeditation:

Increasesgraymatterintheinsula(Hölzeletal.2008;Lazaretal.2005),hippocampus (Hölzel et al. 2008; Luders et al. 2009), and prefrontalcortex(Lazaretal.2005;Ludersetal.2009); reducescortical thinningdue toaging inprefrontal regions strengthenedbymeditation (Lazaretal. 2008); improves psychological functions associated with theseregions, including attention (Carter et al. 2005; Tang et al. 2007),compassion (Lutz,Brefczynski-Lewisetal.2008), andempathy (Lazaretal.2005)Increases activationof left frontal regions,which liftsmood (Davidson2004)Increases the power and reach of fast, gamma-range brainwaves inexperiencedTibetanpractitioners(Lutzetal.2004);brainwavesare theweak but measurable electrical waves produced by large numbers ofneuronsfiringrhythmicallytogetherDecreasesstress-relatedcortisol(Tangetal.2007)Strengthenstheimmunesystem(Davidsonetal.2003;Tangetal.2007)Helpsavarietyofmedicalconditions, includingcardiovasculardisease,asthma, type II diabetes, PMS, and chronic pain (Walsh and Shapiro2006)Helps numerous psychological conditions, including insomnia, anxiety,phobias,andeatingdisorders(WalshandShapiro2006)

Therearemanycontemplativetraditionsandmanywaystomeditate,andyoumay already have your own favorite method. The following box describes abasicmindfulnessmeditation.Thekeytoreapingtherewardsofmeditationistodevelop a regular, daily practice, no matter how brief. How about making apersonal commitment never to go to sleepwithout havingmeditated that day,evenifforjustoneminute?Alsoconsiderjoiningaregularmeditationgroupinyourarea.

MindfulnessMeditationFindacomfortableplacewhereyoucanfocusandyouwon’tbedisturbed.It’sfinetomeditatewhilestanding,walking,orlyingdown,butmostpeopledosowhilesittingonachairorcushion.Findaposturethatisbothrelaxedandalert,with your spine reasonably straight. As the Zen saying suggests, you shouldhandleyourmindliketheskillfulriderofahorse,withneithertootightnortooloosearein.

Meditateforaslongasyoulike.Youcanstartwithshorterperiods,evenjustfiveminutes.Longersittings,fromthirtytosixtyminutes,willusuallyhelpyougodeeper.You candecidehow longyou’re going tomeditate at theoutset orplayitbyear.It’sallrighttoglanceataclockduringthemeditation.Alternately,youcouldsetatimer.Somepeoplelightastickofincense—whenit’sfinished,theyare,too.Feelfreetomodifythesuggestionsthatfollow.

Takeabigbreathandrelax,withyoureyesopenorclosed.Beawareofsoundscomingandgoing,andletthembewhatevertheyare.Knowthatyouaretakingthis time tomeditate. You candropall other concerns during this period, likesetting down a heavy bag before plopping into a comfortable chair. After themeditation,youcanpickthoseconcernsupagain—ifyouwantto!Bringyourawarenesstothesensationsofbreathing.Don’ttrytocontrolthe

breath;letitbewhateveritis.Sensethecoolaircominginandwarmairgoingout.Thechestandbellyrisingandfalling.Trytostaywiththesensationsofeachbreathfrombeginningtoend.Youmay

wanttosoftlycountyourbreaths—counttotenandthenstartover;gobacktooneifyourmindwanders—ornotethemquietlytoyourselfas“in”and“out.”It’snormalforthemindtowander,andwhenitdoes,justreturntothebreath.Begentleandkindwithyourself.Seeifyoucanstayattentivetotenbreathsinarow(usually a challenge at first). After your mind settles down during the firstminutesofthemeditation,explorebecomingincreasinglyabsorbedinthebreathand letting go of everything else. Open to the simple pleasures of breathing,givenovertothebreath.Withsomepractice,seeifyoucanstaypresentwiththebreathfordozensofbreathsinarow.Using the breath as a kind of anchor, be aware ofwhatever else ismoving

throughthemind.Awareofthoughtsandfeelings,wishesandplans,imagesandmemories—allcomingandgoing.Letthembewhattheyare;don’tgetcaughtupin them; don’t struggle with or get fascinated by them. Have a sense ofacceptance—evenkindness—towardwhateverpassesthroughtheopenspaceofawareness.Keepsettling into thebreath,perhapswithagrowingsenseofpeacefulness.

Beawareofthechangingnatureofwhatpassesthroughthemind.Noticehowitfeelstogetcaughtupinthepassingcontentsofawareness—andhowitfeelstoletthemgoby.Beawareofpeaceful,spaciousawarenessitself.Whenyoulike,bringthemeditationtoanend.Noticehowyoufeel,andtake

inthegoodofyourmeditation.

FeelingSaferAswesawinchapter2,thebraincontinuallyscansyourinnerandouterworldsforthreats.Whenanyaredetected,yourstress-responsesystemfiresup.Occasionally,thisvigilanceiswarranted,butusuallyit’sexcessive,drivenby

amygdala-hippocampus reactions to past events that are no longer likely. Theanxietythatresultsisunnecessaryandunpleasant,anditprimesyourbrainandbodytooverreacttosmallthings.Additionally,vigilanceandanxietydrawattentionawayfrommindfulnessand

contemplative absorption. It’s no accident that traditional instructions formeditationoftenencouragepractitionerstofindaplaceofseclusionwheretheyare protected from harm. For example, the account of the Buddha’s night ofawakeninghashimsittingatthebaseoftheBodhiTree,which“hadhisback.”Feelingsofsafetytellthebrainthatitcanaffordtobringinthetroopsthathavebeen manning the watchtowers, and put them to work internally to increaseconcentrationandinsight—orjustletthemgetsomerest.But before we explore specific methods for feeling safer, two important

points.First,inordinaryreality,thereisnosuchthingascompletesafety.Lifeiscontinually changing, cars run red lights, people get sick, and whole nationserupt and send shock waves around the world. There is no absolutely stableground,noperfectshelter.Acceptingthistruthiswisdom,andembracingitandgettingonwith lifecan feelexhilarating.Second, forsomepeople—especiallythosewith a history of trauma—reducing anxiety can seem threatening, sinceloweringtheirguardmakesthemfeelvulnerable.Forthesereasons,wespeakof“safer”ratherthan“safe,”andpleaseadaptthemethodsthatfollowtoyourownneeds.

RelaxYourBody

Relaxation drains away anxiety like pulling the plug in a bathtub. (See themethodsdescribedearlierinthischapter.)

UseImagery

Righthemisphereimageryiscloselyconnectedwithemotionalprocessing.Tofeelsafer,visualizeprotectivefigureswithyou,suchasabelovedgrandmother

oraguardianangel.Orimaginethatyou’resurroundedbyabubbleoflightlikea force field; in ticklish situations, I’ll sometimes hear Captain Kirk’s voice(fromStarTrek)inmymind:“Shieldsup,Scotty!”

ConnectwithPeopleWhoSupportYou

Identify friendsand familywhocareaboutyou,and try to spendmore timewith them.Whenyou’reapart,visualizebeingwith themand take in thegoodfeelings.Companionship,evenifonlyimagined,activatesthebrain’sattachmentand social group circuitry. Physical and emotional closeness to caregivers andothermembersofthebandwasanecessityforsurvivalduringourevolutionaryhistory.Consequently,activatingafeltsenseofclosenesswillprobablyhelpyoufeelsafer.

BringMindfulnesstoFear

Anxiety,dread,apprehension,worry,andevenpanicarejustmentalstateslikeanyother.Recognizefearwhenitarises,observethefeelingofitinyourbody,watchittrytoconvinceyouthatyoushouldbealarmed,seeitchangeandmoveon.Verbally describe to yourself what you’re feeling, to increase frontal loberegulation of the limbic system (Hariri, Bookheimer, and Mazziotta 2000;Liebermanetal.2007).Noticehowtheawarenesswhichcontains fear is itselfnever fearful.Keepseparating from the fear; settleback into thevast spaceofawarenessthroughwhichfearpasseslikeacloud.

EvokeInnerProtectors

Enabled by the distributed network of the nervous system, differentsubpersonalities interact dynamically to form the seemingly monolithic butactuallyfragmentedself.Forexample,onewell-knownthreesomeiscalled theinner child/critical parent/nurturing parent; a related triad is thevictim/persecutor/protector. Your nurturing parent/protector subpersonality isreassuring, encouraging, and soothing, and it stands up against the inner andoutervoicesthatarejudgmentalanddemeaning.Itdoesnotflatteryouormakethingsup. It isgrounded in reality, likeasolid,caring,no-nonsense teacherorcoachwho reminds you of good things about you and theworldwhile telling

meanpeopletobackoffandleaveyoualone.Growingup,manyofusfeltletdownbypeoplewhoshouldhavebeenbetter

protectors.Thedeepestupsetsareoftennotwiththosewhoharmedyoubutwiththe people who didn’t prevent it—they’re the ones you probably had thestrongest attachment bonds to and thus felt most let down by. So it’sunderstandableifyourinnerprotectorisnotasstrongasitcouldbe.Whatyoucando today ispayparticular attention to theexperienceofbeingwith strongpeoplewhocareforyouandstandupforyou;savorthisexperienceandtakeitin.Imagine,andperhapswritedown,aconversationbetweenaninnerprotectorandacriticaloralarmingsubpersonality,andmakesurethattheinnerprotectormakesapowerfulcaseforyou.

BeRealistic

Drawonprefrontalcapacitiestoevaluate:Whatisthechancethatthefearedeventwill happen?How badwould it be?How longwould the damage last?WhatcouldIdotocope?Whocouldhelpme?Most fears are exaggerated. As you go through life, your brain acquires

expectations based on your experiences, particularly negative ones. Whensituationsoccurthatareevenremotelysimilar,yourbrainautomaticallyappliesitsexpectationstothem;ifitexpectspainorloss,orevenjustthethreatofthese,itpulses fearsignals.Butbecauseof thenegativitybias,manyexpectationsofpainorlossareoverstatedorcompletelyunfounded.For example, Iwas a shy child and considerably younger thanmost of the

otherkidsinmyclassrooms,soIgrewupfeelinglikeanoutsider,andalonelyone, inmanysituations.Later, asanadult,when I joinedanewgroup (e.g., ateamatwork, theboardofanonprofit), I’danticipatebeinganoutsideragain,andfeeluncomfortableaboutit—eventhoughtheotherpeopleinthegroupwereperfectlywelcoming.Expectationsthatcomefromchildhood—oftenthemostpowerfulonesofall

—areparticularlysuspect.Whenyou’reyoung,(A)youhavelittlechoiceaboutyour family, school, and peers, (B) your parents andmany others havemuchmorepowerthanyoudo,and(C)youdon’thavemanyresourcesyourself.Butthesedays,theplainfactsarethat(A)youhavemanymorechoicesaboutwhatyou do in life, (B) power differentials between you and others are usuallyminimalornonexistent,and(C)youhavelotsofinnerandouterresources(e.g.,coping skills, goodwill toward you from others). So, when a fear arises, ask

yourself: “What options do I actually have? How could I exercise powerskillfully tostickup formyselfand takegoodcareofmyself?What resourcescouldIdrawupon?”You’re trying to see the world clearly, without distortion, confusion, or

selectiveattention.Whatarethefacts?Science,business,medicine,psychology,and contemplative practice are all founded on the truth of things, whatever itmay be; in Buddhism, for example, ignorance is considered the fundamentalsource of suffering. Not surprisingly, studies have shown that appraising asituationmoreaccuratelyleadstogreaterpositiveemotionsandfewernegativeones (Gross and John 2003).And if there really is something toworry about,dealwith it as best you can (e.g., pay the bill, see the doctor). Not onlywilldoing something andmoving forward feel better in its own right, it will alsousuallyimproveasituationthat’sworryingyou(AspinwallandTaylor1997).

NurtureYourSenseofSecureAttachment

Yourchildhood relationshipswithmajorcaregivers—notablyyourparents—have probably had a great influence on your expectations, attitudes, emotions,andactionsinyourimportantrelationshipsasanadult.DanSiegel(2001,2007),AllanSchore (2003),MaryMain (Main,Hesse, andKaplan2005), andothershavehelpedclarifytheneurobiologyofattachment.Tosummarizealargebodyofresearch,therecurringexperiencesayoungchildhaswithherparents—whichare affected by the child’s temperament—will lead to one of four modes ofattachment to them: secure, insecure-avoidant, insecure-anxious, anddisorganized(thislasttypeisrareandwon’tbediscussedfurther).Thetypeofattachmenttooneparentislargelyindependentofthetypeofattachmenttotheotherone.Insecureattachmentmodesappeartobeassociatedwithcharacteristicpatternsofneural activity, suchasa lackof integrationbetween theprefrontalcortex(PFC)andthelimbicsystem(Siegel2001).Attachmentmodestendtopersistintoadulthoodandbecometheunderlying,

default template for important relationships. If, like a large fraction of thepopulation,yougrewupwithinsecure-avoidantorinsecure-anxiousattachment,youcanstillchangethattemplatesoyouexperienceagreatersenseofsecurityinyourrelationships.Herearesomegoodmethodsfordoingso:

Develop self-understanding of how your upbringing affected your

relationships with your parents, especially in early childhood;acknowledgeanyinsecureattachment.Bringcompassiontoyourselfforanysenseofinsecurity.Asmuchaspossible,seekoutnurturingandreliablepeople,andtakeinthefeelingofbeingwiththem.Alsodowhatyoucantobetreatedwellinyourexistingrelationships.Practicemindfulnessofyourinnerstate,includingthroughmeditation.Ineffect, you are giving yourself today the attention and attunement youshould have received as a child. Mindfulness activates the mid-lineregions of your brain and helps increase the coordination between thePFC and the limbic system; these are key neural substrates of secureattachment(Siegel2007).

FindingRefugeIn this life, where have you found refuge? Refuges include people, places,memories, ideas, and ideals—anyone or anything that provides reliablesanctuary and protection, so you can let down your guard and gather strengthandwisdom.Asachild, refugemighthavebeenyourmother’s lap, reading inbed, or hanging outwith friends. Personally, I spent a lot of time in the hillsaroundmyhome,clearingmyheadandgettingrefueledbynature.Todayasanadult,yourrefugemightbeaparticularlocationoractivity(e.g.,a

churchor temple,aquietwalkwithyourdog,a longbath)or thecompanyofyour mate, good friends, or perhaps a teacher. Some refuges are ineffable,though potentiallymore profound: confidence in the power of reason, feelingconnectedwithnature,orabasicintuitionofthefundamentalalrightnessofallthings.Consider these refuges, adapted from Buddhism with some broadened

meanings:

Teacher—thehistorical figure at the center of a faith tradition (such asJesus,Moses,Siddhartha,orMohammed)inwhomonehasconfidence;qualitiesembodiedbythatpersonwhicharealsopresentwithinyouTruth—reality itself and accurate descriptions of it (e.g., how sufferingarisesandends)Good company—both those who are farther along on the path of

awakeningandthosejoinedwithyouinfellowshipnearathand

Takingrefugepullsyouawayfromreactivatingsituationsandconcerns,andthenfillsyouwithpositiveinfluences.Asyourestincreasinglyinabackgroundsenseofrefuge,neuronsarequietlystitchingasafetynetforyou.Onthepathofawakening,it’snaturaltoexperiencesomeupheaval,darknightsofthesoul,orunnervinggroundlessnesswhenthefoundationofoldbeliefsfallsaway.Atthesetimes,yourrefugeswillcatchyouandhelpyourideoutthestorm.Try to take refuge in one ormore things every day. This can be formal or

informal, verbal or nonverbal—whateverworks best for you.Experimentwithdifferentways toexperience refuge, suchas thesense that the refuge iswhereyoucomefromorthatitflowsthroughyou.

ExploringYourRefugesIdentifyseveralofyourrefuges.Thenapplythisexplorationtoasmanyofthemasyou like.Youcando thiswithyoureyesopenorclosed,slowlyorquickly.Insteadofthesuggestedphrase,Ifindrefugein,youcouldtry:Itakerefugein_________.Igoforrefugeto_________.Iabideas_________.Icomefrom_________.Thereis_________._________flowsthroughme.Iamonewith_________.Orwhateveryoulike.Bringtomindarefuge.Getafeelingorideaofit,andsenseitinyourbody.

Get a sense of how it’s wholesome for you to take refuge there. To have itsinfluence in your life. To come from that place. To have its shelter andprotection.Say softly in your mind: I find refuge in _________. Or wordlessly feel

yourselfenteringrefugethere.Notice how it feels to have entered this refuge. Let that feeling sink in and

becomeapartofyou.

Whenyoulike,moveontothenextrefuge.Andthentoasmanyrefugesasyouwant.Whenyouarefinishedenteringyourrefuges,noticewhattheexperienceasa

whole feels like. Know that as you go through your days, you’ll carry yourrefugeswithyou.

chapter5:KeyPoints

The most powerful way to use the mind-body connection to improveyour physical and mental health is through guiding your autonomicnervous system (ANS). Every time you calm the ANS throughstimulating the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), you tilt yourbody,brain,andmindincreasinglytowardinnerpeaceandwell-being.You can activate the PNS in many ways, including relaxation, bigexhalations, touching the lips, mindfulness of the body, imagery,balancingyourheartbeat,andmeditation.Meditation increases graymatter in brain regions that handle attention,compassion,andempathy.Italsohelpsavarietyofmedicalconditions,strengthenstheimmunesystem,andimprovespsychologicalfunctioning.Deliberately feeling safer helps control the hardwired tendency to lookfor and overreact to threats. Feel safer by relaxing, using imagery,connecting with others, being mindful of fear itself, evoking innerprotectors, being realistic, and increasing your sense of secureattachment.Find refuge in whatever is a sanctuary and refueling station for you.Potentialrefugesincludepeople,activities,places,andintangiblethingslikereason,asenseofyourinnermostbeing,ortruth.

chapter6

StrongIntentions

Doallthatyoucan,withallthatyouhave,inthetimethatyouhave,intheplacewhereyouare.

—NkosiJohnson

Thepreviouschapter focusedoncoolingdowngreedandhatred to reduce thecausesofsuffering.Thischapter isabout“warmingup” the innerstrength thatwill increase the causes of your happiness. You’ll see how your brain getsmotivated—how it establishes intentions and pursues them—and how to usetheseneuralnetworkstomoveforwardstronglyinthedaystocome.Tobealiveistoleanintothefuture(Thompson2007),tostretchforthenextbreathormeal.Orreachforhappiness,love,andwisdom.

TheNeuroaxisYourbrainevolvedfromthebottomupandtheinsideout,alongwhatiscalledtheneuroaxis(LewisandTodd2007;Tucker,Derryberry,andLuv2000),whichisoneway toconceptualize theorganizationof thebrain.Startingat thebase,let’s explore how each of the fourmain levels of the neuroaxis supports yourintentions.

Figure7:TheNeuroaxis

BrainStem

Thebrainstemsendsneuromodulatorssuchasnorepinephrineanddopaminethroughoutyourbrain inorder togetyoureadyforaction,keepyouenergizedwhileyoupursueyourgoals,andrewardyouwhenyouattainthem.

Diencephalon

Thediencephalonconsistsofthethalamus(thebrain’scentralswitchboardforsensory information) and the hypothalamus, which directs your autonomicnervous system and influences your endocrine system through the pituitarygland.Thehypothalamusregulatesprimaldrivestates(e.g.,forwater,food,sex)andprimalemotions(e.g.,terror,rage).

LimbicSystem

Thelimbicsystemevolvedfromthediencephalon,andincludestheamygdala,hippocampus, and basal ganglia. It’s basically Grand Central Station foremotion.

Limbic structures lie to the sides of the diencephalon, and in some casesbeneathit(e.g.,amygdala).Theyareconsideredahigherlevelintheneuroaxissince theyaremore recent inevolution—even thoughsomeof thesestructuresarelowerdown,whichcanbealittleconfusing.

Cortex

Thecortexincludestheprefrontalcortex(PFC),cingulate,andinsula.Theseregions—whichplay a prominent role in this book—handle abstract reasoningand concepts, values, planning, and the “executive functions” of organization,self-monitoring,and impulsecontrol.Thecortexalso includes the sensoryandmotorstripsthatstretchmorelessfromeartoear(sensationandmovement),theparietal lobes(perception), thetemporal lobes(languageandmemory),andtheoccipitallobe(vision).Thesefourlevelsworktogethertokeepyoumotivated;they’reintegratedup

and down the neuroaxis. In general, the lower levels orient and energize theupperones,whichguideandinhibitthelowerones.Thelowerlevelshavemoredirect control over your body and less capacity to change their own neuralnetworks. The upper levels are the opposite: although they’re more removedfrom the action, they have vastly greater neuroplasticity—the capacity to beshapedbyneural/mental activity, to learn fromexperience.Atall levelsof theneuroaxis,theintentions—thegoalsandrelatedstrategies—atworkinyourlifeoperatemainlyoutsideofyourawareness.Thefartherdowntheneuroaxis,themoreimmediatethereactions;higherup

ontheneuroaxis,timeframesstretch.Forexample,corticalinfluenceshelpyoupassuparewardrightnowinordertogainagreateroneinthefuture(McClureetal.2004).Usually,thelongertheview,thewisertheintentions.

TheMotivationalMacrosystem

TheAnteriorCingulateCortexHub

Although each part of the neuroaxis works with the others, two regions inparticular are hubs, sendingout neural spokes inmanydirections: the anteriorcingulate cortex (ACC)and the amygdala.Let’s startwith theACC (formore

details,seeLewisandTodd,2007;Paus2001).TheACCiscloselyconnectedtotheevolutionarilyrecentdorsal(upper)and

lateral (outer) regions of the prefrontal cortex, known by themouth-wateringacronymDLPFC. TheDLPFC is a key neural substrate, or basis, ofworkingmemory,whichisakindofworkspacewhereyourbraingathersinformationtosolveproblemsandmakedecisions.TheACCisalsocloselyconnected to thesupplementarymotorarea,wherenewactionsareplanned.Throughtheselinks,yourACCguidesyouractionstofulfillyourintentions.When an intention crystallizes, your inner experience of things coming

together toward a unified aim reflects a neural coherence. In the cortical“spokes”oftheACC,manyfar-flung(onthemicroscopicscaleofcells)regionsstartpulsingtogether,matchingthephases—thehighsandlows—oftheirfiringrhythms, typically in the gamma range of neural synchrony: 30 to 80 times asecond(ThompsonandVarela2001).The ACC is the primary overseer of your attention. It monitors progress

towardyourgoals,andflagsanyconflictsamongthem.Itsupperlayersmanageeffortful control, the deliberate and sustained regulation of thoughts andbehavior. These areas don’t fully develop until ages three to six (Posner andRothbart2000),amajorreasonwhyyoungchildrenhave lessself-control thanolderones.Anytimeyouconsciouslyexerciseyourwill,yourACCisinvolved.Throughitsdense,reciprocalconnectionstotheamygdala,hippocampus,and

hypothalamus,theACCinfluencesyouremotionsandisinfluencedbythemaswell.Therefore,it’sakeysitefortheintegrationofthinkingandfeeling(Lewis2005). Strengthening the ACC—such as throughmeditation—helps you thinkclearlywhenyou’reupset,andbringswarmthandemotionalintelligencetoyourlogicalreasoning.Insum,theACCisatthecenteroftop-down,deliberate,centralized,reasoned

motivation.

TheAmygdalaHub

Through its own dense connections to the ACC, PFC, hippocampus,hypothalamus,basalganglia,andbrainstem,theamygdalaisthesecondmajorhubofmotivationalactivity.Momenttomoment,theamygdalaspotlightswhat’srelevantandimportantto

you:what’spleasantandunpleasant,what’sanopportunityandwhat’sathreat.It

alsoshapesandshadesyourperceptions,appraisalsofsituations,attributionsofintentionstoothers,andjudgments.Itexertstheseinfluenceslargelyoutsideofyourawareness,whichincreasestheirpowersincetheyoperateoutofsight.When you get motivated in any significant way, it means the subcortical

regions that connect to the amygdala have synchronizedwith each other. Theneuralnetworksinthelimbicsystem,hypothalamus,andbrainstemstartpulsingtogether,usuallyinthethetafrequencyoffourtoseventimesasecond(KocsisandVertes1994;Lewis2005).In sum, the amygdala is at the center of bottom-up, reactive, distributed,

passionatemotivation.

HeadandHeart

Together,theACCandamygdalahubsformajointsystemthat’sinvolvedinjustabouteveryaspectofmotivatedactivity.Thesehubsmodulateeachother;forexample,inathree-stepfeedbackloop,theamygdalaexcitesthelowerpartsof your ACC, which then excite its upper parts, which in turn inhibit theamygdala (Lewis andTodd2007).Consequently, theostensibly rationalACC-based network is deeply involved in your emotions and drives through itsdownwardprojections into the three lower levelsof theneuroaxis.Meanwhile,the supposedly irrational amygdala-based network helps construct yourappraisals,values,andstrategiesthroughitsupwardprojectionsintothecortex.This integration can happen within a fraction of a second, as neural

populationsall along theneuroaxis synchronizewitheachother in response tomotivationallymeaningfulinformation,phase-lockingtheirrhythmstogether.Inamoregeneralway,suchintegrationcancontinueformanyyears.Considerhowyour“cool”ACC-basedand“warm”amygdala-basedmotivationshaveworkedtogetherintheimportantareasofyourlife.Forexample,warmheartedadvocacyfor a child with special needs benefits from cool clarity about how to keepworkingwithaschooldistricttogetthemostresourcesforher.Ontheotherhand,thesetwohubscanalsobeoutofsteportugagainsteach

other. For example, during adolescence, the amygdala-based network oftenoverpowerstheACC-basednetwork.Intermsofyourownmotivations,areyourACC-and amygdala-based networks equally strong? And are they—head andheart,metaphorically speaking—pulling in the same direction?For example, Irealizedsomeyearsagothatthetrainingofmyheadhadgottenoutinfrontofthecultivationofmyheart,soI’vebeenfocusingmoreonthelattereversince.

IntentionsandSuffering

Itissometimessaidthatdesireleadstosuffering,butisthatalwaystrue?Theterritoryofdesireisfar-reaching,andit includeswishes, intentions,hopes,andcravings.Whetheradesireleadstosufferingdependsontwofactors:Iscraving—the sense that you need something—involved? Andwhat is the desire for?Regardingthefirstofthese,desireperseisnottherootofsuffering;cravingis.Youcanwishfororintendsomethingwithoutcravingtheresults;forexample,you can decide to get eggs from the refrigerator without craving them—andwithoutgettingupsetiftherearenoneleft.Regarding the second factor, intentions are a double-edged sword that can

eitherhurtorhelp.Forexample,theThreePoisons—greed,hatred,anddelusion—are a kind of intention: to grab pleasure and hold on tight, resist pain andanythingelseyoudon’tlike,andignoreordistortthingsyou’drathernotknowabout.Harmful intentions operate at all levels of the brain, from rage and fear

released by the hypothalamus to subtle plans for payback constructed by thePFC. But the same is also true of wholesome inclinations toward generosity,kindness,andinsight:theyrippleupanddowntheneuroaxis,fromvisceralbrainstem energy for good causes to abstract ideals sustained by the PFC.As youweavepositive inclinationsmoredeeply into thedifferent levelsofyourbrain,youincreasinglypushtheThreePoisonstothemargins.It’simportanttonurturegood intentions atall levels of the neuroaxis—and to cultivate the strength tocarrythemout.

FeelingStrongDuring a break from college, I helped take a dozen school kids backpackingthroughtheYosemitehighcountry.Wedidn’tseeanyonealldaybeforestoppingforlunchatarockyareabyariver,wherethetraildisappeared.Thenweheadedintotheforest,wherewepickedupthetrailagain.Amileorsolater,oneofthekidsrealizedhe’dlefthisjacketbackbytheriver.IsaidI’dgogetitandmeetthegroupatourcampgroundseveralmilesahead.Droppingmypackbythesideofthetrail,Ireturnedtoourluncharea,searchedaround,andfoundthejacket.Butnow I couldn’t find the trail.After castingabout for awhileamidst the

jumbledboulders,itreallyhitme:itwaslateafternoon,theonlypeoplearoundweremilesaway,itwasalreadygettingchilly,andIwaslookingatspendingthe

nightat6,000feet inaT-shirtand jeans.Thenanunprecedentedandpowerfulsense came over me. I felt like a feral animal, like a hawk that would dowhateverittakestosurvive.Ifeltafiercedeterminationtolivethroughthedayand, if need be, the night. Newly energized, I scrambled in widening circles,finally finding the trail. I made it to our campsite later that night. I’ve neverforgottentheintensefeelingsof thatday,andhavedrawnonthemforstrengthmanytimessince.Whenhaveyoufeltreallystrongyourself?Whatwasthatexperiencelike—in

yourbody,youremotions,andyourthoughts?Strengthisoftenquiet,receptivedeterminationratherthanchest-thumpingpushiness.OneofthestrongestpeopleI’ve ever knownwasmymother, who just kept taking care of her family nomatterwhat.

FeelingStronger

Strength has two primary aspects: energy and determination. You canintensify these by quickening your breathing a little, or by tightening yourshoulders slightly, as if you’re bracing to carry a load. Get familiar with themusclemovements—oftensubtleones—associatedwithstrength.Justasmakingthefacialexpressionofanemotionwillheightenthatfeeling(Niedenthal2007),engagingthemusclemovementsofstrengthwillincreaseyourexperienceofit.Getinthehabitofdeliberatelycallingupasenseofstrength—nottodominate

anybodyoranything,buttofuelyourintentions(seetheexercise,“ManyWaysto Feel Strong”). Involve the entire neuroaxis in order to power up yourexperienceofstrength.Forexample,bringtomindasenseofvisceral,muscularwillfulness to stimulate your brain stem to send norepinephrine and dopaminelikearisingfountainupintotherestofyourbrainforarousalanddrive.Bringthelimbicsystemintotheactionbyfocusingonhowgooditfeelstobestrong,so you’ll be increasingly drawn to strength in the future. Add the power ofcortical language by commenting on the experience to yourself: I’m feelingstrong. It’s good to be strong. Notice any beliefs that it’s bad orwrong to bestrong,andsendthemontheirwaywithcounterthoughtslikeStrengthhelpsmedogoodthings.Ihavetherighttobestrong.Makesurethattheintentionsatalllevelsofyourneuroaxisareheadinginthesamedirection.Whenyouexperiencestrength—whetheryouevokeditdeliberatelyorit just

cametomind—consciouslytakeitinsoitdeepensitstracesinimplicitmemoryandbecomesapartofyou.

ManyWaystoFeelStrongTherearemanywaystofindandintensifythefeelingofstrength.Thisexerciseexploressomeof them;feelfreetoadapt ithoweveryoulike.It’sbest tokeepyour eyes open during it, since you’ll want strength in everyday situations inwhichyoureyesareopen.Takeabreathandcomeintoyourself.Beawareofthoughtspassingthrough

yourmindwithoutanyneedtoengagewiththem.Feelthestrengthinawareness,alwaysclearandeverlasting,nomatterwhatpassesthroughit.Nowsensethevitalityinyourbody.Noticehowyourbreathinghasastrength

ofitsown.Senseyourmuscles,yourcapacitytomoveinanydirection.Sensetheanimalstrengthinyourbody(evenifitisalsoweakinsomeways).Recallatimewhenyoufeltreallystrong.Imaginethatsituationasintensely

asyoucan.Bringtomindthesenseofstrengthyouexperienced.Strengthinyourbreathing,energyinyourarmsandlegs.Thatsamestrengthisbeatingtodayinyourpowerfulheart.Whateveryoufeelisfine.Andcontinuetoopentothesensethat you are strong, clear, and determined. Notice how it feels good to feelstrong.Letstrengthsinkintoyourbeing.(Ifyoulike,recalladditionaltimesyoufeltstrong.)Now,continuing to feel strong,bring tomindaperson (orgroupofpeople)

whosupportsyou.Makethisasrealaspossible;imaginethisperson’sface,thesoundofhisorhervoice.Letyourselffeelsupported,valued,believedin.Sensehowthisfeelingofsupportincreasesyoursenseofstrength.Noticehowitfeelsgood to feel strong.Let strength sink into yourbeing. (Youcan repeat this forotherpeoplewhosupportyou.)Notice any other feelings coming up, too—perhaps even opposite ones like

weakness.Whateverisarisingisfine.Justnoticeit,letitbe,andletitgo.Turnyourattentionbacktoyoursenseofbeingstrong.Finally, abiding in a sense of strength, bring to awareness a challenging

situation. Solid in your strength, feel a spaciousness around that difficultcondition.Allowittobewhatitiswhileyoucontinuetofeelstrongandcentered.Be strong, with no need to grasp or struggle in any way. Any problems areflowingthroughawarenesslikecloudsacrossthesky.Bespacious,relaxed,andeasy.Feel the strength, in your breathing, in your awareness, in the clarity ofyourmind,inthewholenessofyourbody,inyourgoodintentions.As you go through your day, pay attention to the sense of feeling strong.

Noticehowitfeelsgoodtofeelstrong.Letstrengthsinkintoyourbeing.

chapter6:KeyPoints

It’s important both to cool the causes of suffering and towarm up thecausesofhappiness—suchasyourintentions.Intentionsinvolvestrengthapplied toclearandappropriategoals,sustainedover time.Mostof theintentionsoperatinginyourbraindosooutsideofawareness.Tosimplify,yourbrainevolvedinfourlevels,alongakindofneuroaxis;these levelswork together tokeepyoumotivated.Fromthebottomup,along the neuroaxis, they are the brain stem, diencephalon, limbicsystem,andcortex.In general, the farther down the neuroaxis a response takes place, thefaster,more intense,andmoreautomatic it is.Higheron theneuroaxis,responses becomemore delayed, less intense, andmore considered. Inparticular, the cortex—the most evolutionarily recent level—reallyenhances your capacity to take the future into account. Usually, thelongertheview,thewisertheintentions.Theneuroaxishastwohubs:theanteriorcingulatecortex(ACC)andtheamygdala. The ACC-based network manages top-down, deliberate,centralized, reasoned motivation, while the amygdala-based networkhandlesbottom-up,reactive,distributed,passionatemotivation.These two networks are woven together. For example, the “logical”ACC-based network guides the flow of your feelings, and the“emotional”amygdala-basednetworkshapesyourvaluesandworldview.Thetwonetworks—metaphoricallytheheadandtheheart—cansupporteach other, be awkwardly out of sync, or struggle in outright conflict.Ideally,yourintentionswillbealignedwitheachotheratalllevelsoftheneuroaxis:that’swhentheyhavethemostpower.Intentionsareaformofdesire.Desireperseisnottherootofsuffering;craving is. The key is to have wholesome intentions without beingattachedtotheirresults.Inner strength comes inmany forms, includingquiet perseverance.Getfamiliarwithwhatstrengthfeelslikeinyourbodysoyoucancallitupagain.Deliberately stimulate feelingsof strength todeepen theirneuralpathways.

chapter7

Equanimity

Equanimityisaperfect,unshakablebalanceofmind.—NyanaponikaThera

Imaginethatyourmindislikeahousewithamud-room—theentryroomincoldclimates where people put their messy boots and dripping coats. Withequanimity,yourinitialreactionstothings—reachforthiscarrot,pushawaythatstick—areleft inamentalmud-roomsothat the interiorofyourmindremainsclearandcleanandpeaceful.Theword equanimity comes fromLatin rootsmeaning “even” and “mind.”

With equanimity,what passes throughyourmind is heldwith spaciousness soyoustayeven-keeledandaren’tthrownoffbalance.Theancientcircuitryofthebrainiscontinuallydrivingyoutoreactonewayoranother—andequanimityisyourcircuitbreaker.Equanimitybreaksthechainofsufferingbyseparatingthefeeling tones of experience from the machinery of craving, neutralizing yourreactionstothosefeelingtones.Forexample,onetimeIcamehomefromameditationretreat,wesatdownto

dinner,andsoonourkidsweredoingtheirusualbickering.Normallythiswouldhave botheredme, but because of the equanimity gained from the retreat, theirritationinmymindwaslikeanannoyingfanyellingfromtheupperbleachersin a stadium far above me, while I was down below and not hijacked by it.Psychologists have a term—demand characteristics—for the aspects ofsituationsthatreallypullatyou,likeadoorbellringingorsomeonereachingouthis hand to shakeyours.With equanimity, situationshaveonly characteristics,notdemands.Equanimityisneitherapathynor indifference:youarewarmlyengagedwith

the world but not troubled by it. Through its nonreactivity, it creates a greatspaceforcompassion,loving-kindness,andjoyatthegoodfortuneofothers.Forexample, theBuddhist teacherKamalaMasters tells the storyof taking aboatdown theGanges at dawn.Onher left, the sun lit ancient towers and temples

withanexquisite rosyglow.Onher right, funeralpyreswereburning,and thesoundsofwailing roseupwith the smoke.Beauty to the left anddeath to theright,withequanimityopeningherheartwideenoughtoincludeboth.Youdrawon this same equanimity to stay centered and large-hearted when you facesituationsthathavegreatpersonalimpact,suchaswhenyou—oradearfriend—losealovedone.

ATasteofEquanimityIfyoulike,takesometimeheretogetatasteofequanimity.Itwon’tbetheall-encompassingsensethatisavailableinthedeepestmeditations,butitwillgiveyouafeelingfortheevenness,clarity,andpeacefulnessofthisstateofmind.

Relax.Takeafewminutestosteadyyourmindbyfocusingonthesensationsofbreathinginyourbellyorchest,oraroundyourupperlip.Become increasingly mindful of the changing feeling tones—pleasant,

unpleasant,orneutral—ofyourexperience.Senseagrowingimpartialitytowardwhateverarises,anease,arelaxedand

undisturbedpresence.Acceptandbeatpeacewithwhateverisarising.Letyourmindbecomeincreasinglysteady,quiet,andcollected.Beawareofsounds.Hearwithoutbeingcaughtbywhat’sheard.Beawareof

sensations.Sensewithoutbeingcaughtbywhat’ssensed.Beawareofthoughts.Thinkwithoutbeingcaughtbywhat’sthought.Notice how pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral feeling tones come and go.

They’reconstantlychanging,andnotadependablebasisforhappiness.Beawareofpassingthoughtsandfeelingswithoutidentifyingwiththem.No

oneneedstoownthem.Beawareofpassingthoughtsandfeelingswithoutreactingtothem.Noticea

growing disengagement. There’s less tilting toward pleasure, less pulling backfrompain.In the pleasant, there is just the pleasant, with no reactions added. In the

unpleasant,thereisjusttheunpleasant,withnoreactionsadded.Intheneutral,there is just the neutral, with no reactions added. This is the mind of nopreferences.Restasawareness,freefromreactions.Abide as equanimity. Breath after breath. At ease. Settle into deeper and

deeperlayersofequanimity.Asyoucan,senseasublimefreedom,contentment,andpeace.Iftheyaren’talreadyopen,openyoureyes.Bringvisualsensationsintoyour

equanimity.Explorethemindofnopreferencesforwhatevercrossesyourgaze,be it pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral.Move your body a bit as you finish themeditation. Explore the mind of no preferences for body sensations, be theypleasant,unpleasant,orneutral.Asyourdayproceeds,noticewhatit’sliketobringmoreequanimitytopeople

andsituations.

TheEquanimousBrainWhenyouareequanimous,youdon’tgraspafterenjoyableexperiencesorpushagainstdisagreeableones.Rather,youhaveakindofspacearoundexperiences—abufferbetweenyouandtheirfeelingtones.Thisstateofbeingisnotbasedon standard prefrontal control of emotions, in which there is inhibition anddirectionoflimbicactivity.Instead,withequanimity,thelimbicsystemcanfirehoweverit“wants.”Theprimarypointofequanimityisnottoreduceorchannelthatactivation,butsimplynottorespondtoit.Thisisveryunusualbehaviorforthe brain, which is designed by evolution to respond to limbic signals,particularly to pulses of pleasant and unpleasant feeling tones.What could behappening,neurologically,toaccomplishthis?Let’slookatthedifferentaspectsofequanimityandthepartsofthebraintheylikelyinvolve.

UnderstandingandIntention

With equanimity, you see into the transient and imperfect nature ofexperience,andyouraimis to remaindisenchanted—freeof thespellscastbypleasure and pain. In this—ratherBuddhist—sense of theword, disenchanted,you are not disappointed or dissatisfied with life; you simply see through itsapparentcharmsandalarmsandarenotknockedoffcenterbyeither.Understandingand intentionarebothgrounded in theprefrontalcortex.The

intention to remain equanimous relies in particular on the anterior cingulatecortex(ACC)hubintheneuroaxis.

GreatSteadinessofMind

Equanimity also involves remaining aware of the passing stream withoutlettinganybitofithookyou.Thisentailsanteriorcingulateoversight,especiallyinthebeginningstagesofequanimity.Asequanimitydeepens,meditatorsreportan effortless continuity of mindfulness, which presumably correlates withreduced ACC activity and self-organizing stability in the neural substrates ofawareness.

AGlobalWorkspaceofConsciousness

Anotheraspectofequanimityisanunusuallyexpansiveglobalworkspaceofconsciousness(Baars1997),theneuralcomplementtothementalsenseofgreatspaciousness surrounding the objects of awareness. This could be enabled bystable and far-reaching gamma-wave synchronization of billions of neuronsacross large areas of the brain, rhythmically firing together 30– 80 times asecond. Interestingly, this atypical brainwavepattern is seen inTibetanmonkswithlotsofmeditationpractice—andalotofequanimity(Lutzetal.2004).

DampeningtheStress-ResponseSystem

The limbic,HPAA, and sympathetic nervous systems react to each other incircularways.Forexample,ifsomethingfrighteningoccurs,yourbodywilltendto become activated (e.g., increased heart rate, sweaty palms); those bodilychangeswillbeinterpretedbythelimbicsystemasevidenceofathreat,whichwill trigger more fear reactions in a vicious cycle. Through activating theparasympatheticnervoussystem(PNS),youpreventthestress-responsesystemfrom reacting to its own reactions. This is one reason why the training forequanimity in contemplative settings involves considerable relaxation andtranquility.

TheFruitsofEquanimity

Over time, equanimity deepens into a profound inner stillness that is adefining characteristic of contemplative absorption (Brahm 2006). It alsobecomes increasinglywoven into daily life, bringing great benefit. If you canbreak the link between feeling tones and craving—if you can be with the

pleasant without chasing after it, with the unpleasant without resisting it, andwiththeneutralwithoutignoringit—thenyouhavecutthechainofsuffering,atleastforatime.Andthatisanincredibleblessingandfreedom.

Withequanimity,youcandealwithsituationswithcalmandreasonwhilekeepingyourinnerhappiness.

—TheDalaiLama

DevelopingtheFactorsofEquanimityWhile complete equanimity is an uncommon state for both the mind and thebrain,abasicsenseofitcanbeexperiencedineverydaylifeanddevelopedwithpractice. The underlying neural factors we’ve explored suggest a number ofwaystoencouragethisprocess.

Understanding

Recognizethefleetingnatureofrewardsandthattheyusuallyaren’tactuallyallthatgreat.See,too,thatpainfulexperiencesaretransientandusuallynotthatawful.Neitherpleasurenorpain isworth claimingasyourownor identifyingwith. Further, consider how every event is determined by countless precedingfactorssothatthingscannotbeanyotherway.Thisisnotfatalismordespair:youcantakeactiontomakethe futuredifferent.Buteventhen,remember thatmost of the factors that shape the future are out of your hands. You can doeverythingright,andstilltheglasswillbreak,theprojectwillgonowhere,you’llcatchtheflu,orafriendwillremainupset.

Imakemyselfrichbymakingmywantsfew.—HenryDavidThoreau

Intention

Keep remindingyourselfof the important reasons for equanimity:youwantmore freedom from craving and the suffering it brings. Routinely recall yourintentiontobeawareofthefeelingtone,tobespaciousaroundit,andtoletitbewhateveritiswithoutreactingtoit.Tohelpholdthisinmind,putalittlestickynotewith“equanimity”onitnearyourcomputerortelephone,oruseapictureofabeautiful,tranquilsetting.

SteadinessofMind

Chapters 11 and 12 will explore various ways to cultivate an increasinglystablepresenceofmind.Asyourmindgrowssteadier,payparticularattentiontotheneutralfeelingtone.Stimulithatevokeapleasantorunpleasantfeelingtonestirupmorebrainactivitythanneutraltonesdo,becausethereismoretothinkabout and respond to. Since your brain doesn’t naturally stay engaged withneutral stimuli, youmustmakea consciouseffort to sustainattention to them.Throughsensitizingyourselftotheneutralaspectsofexperience,yourmindwillbecomemorecomfortablestayingwiththem,andlessinclinedtoseekrewardsorscanforthreats.Intime,theneutraltonecanbecome,asmyteacherChristinaFeldmanputsit,a“doorwaytotheeventless”—anentryintothestillnessofthegroundofbeing,whichneverchangesandisalwaysthesame.

SpaciousAwareness

Imaginethecontentsofyourmindcomingandgoinginavastopenspaceofawareness, like shooting stars. The feeling tones of experience are just morecontentsmovingthroughthisspace.Boundlessspacesurroundsthem—dwarfingthem,untroubledbythem,unaffectedbytheirpassing.Thespaceofawarenessallowseverycontentofmindtobeornottobe,tocomeandtogo.Thoughtsarejust thoughts, sounds are just sounds, situations are just situations, and peopleare just being themselves. As Ajahn Sumedho said during a talk at ChithurstMonastery, “Trust in awareness, in being awake, rather than in transient andunstableconditions”(2006).

Tranquility

This involves not acting based on the feeling tone. For example, you don’t

automaticallymovetowardsomethingjustbecauseitispleasant.InthewordsoftheThirdZenPatriarch:“TheGreatWayisnotdifficultforthosewhohavenopreferences”(Kornfield1996,143).Setasideaperiodofyourday—evenjustaminute long—to consciously release preferences for or against anything.Thenextendthispracticetomoreandmoreofyourday.Youractionswillbeguidedincreasingly by your values and virtues, not by desires that are reactions topositiveornegativefeelingtones.Tranquilityinvolvesparasympatheticactivation,whichyou’velearnedhowto

encourage in chapter 5. Make a list of situations that trigger strong greed orhatred (broadlydefined) inyou, arranged frommild triggers all thewayup toyourequivalentofafour-alarmfire.Then,startingwiththeeasiersituationsandworkingyourwayupthelist,deliberatelyfocusonbringinggreater tranquilitytothembyusingsomeofchapter5’sapproaches,suchasbigexhalations,beingmindfulofthefear,ortakingrefuge.Inner peace can definitely be sustained in difficult circumstances. Here are

twoexamplesthatareworldsapart,yethaveaspectsofequanimityincommon:Think of JoeMontana playing football, guiding the 49ers downfield while

300-pounddefensivelinemenrushedtocrushhimtotheground.Histeammatessaidthatthecrazierandmoredesperatethegamegot,thecoolerJoebecame.Mywife and I used to joke:Threeminutes left in the fourth quarter of the SuperBowl,eightyyardstogoforthegame-winningtouchdown—Joe’sgotthemrightwherehewantsthem!AndconsiderRamanaMaharshi, the great Indian saintwhopassed away in

1950.Towardtheendofhislife,hedevelopedcancerinhisarm.Althoughthismusthavebeenverypainful,heremainedsereneandlovingthroughouthisfinaldays.One timehe lookeddownwith a beautiful smile and said simply, “Poorarm.”Buddhismhasametaphor for thedifferentconditions in life.They’recalled

the EightWorldlyWinds: pleasure and pain, praise and blame, gain and loss,fameand ill repute.Asyoudevelopgreater equanimity, thesewindshave lesseffect on your mind. Your happiness becomes increasingly unconditional, notbasedoncatchingagoodbreezeinsteadofabadone.

chapter7:KeyPoints

Equanimitymeansnotreactingtoyourreactions,whatevertheyare.Equanimity creates a buffer around the feeling tones of experiences sothatyoudonot react to themwithcraving.Equanimity is likeacircuitbreaker that blocks the normal sequence in themind that moves fromfeelingtonetocravingtoclingingtosuffering.Equanimity is not coldness, indifference, or apathy.You are present intheworldbutnotupsetbyit.Thespaciousnessofequanimityisagreatsupportforcompassion,kindness,andjoyatthehappinessofothers.In daily life and meditation, deepen your equanimity by becomingincreasinglymindfulofthefeelingtonesofexperienceandincreasinglydisenchantedwiththem.Theycomeandtheygo,andthey’renotworthchasingorresisting.Equanimity is an unusual brain state. It is not based on prefrontalinhibition of the limbic system. Rather, it involves not reacting to thelimbicsystem.Thisprobablydrawsonfourneuralconditions:prefrontaland anterior cingular cortex (ACC) activation for understanding andintention;steadinessofmind,driveninitiallybyACCoversightbutthenself-organizing;fastgamma-waveentrainmentoflargeareasofthebrainto create the mental experience of great spaciousness; andparasympatheticactivationtodampenlimbic/SNS/HPAAfeedbackloopsthatwould otherwisemake the stress-response system react to its ownreactionsinviciouscycles.You can strengthen the neural factors of equanimity with themethodssummarizedinthischapteranddiscussedingreaterdetailthroughoutthisbook. As you do this, your happiness will become increasinglyunconditionalandunshakeable.

PARTTHREE

LOVE

chapter8

TwoWolvesintheHeart

Allsentientbeingsdevelopedthroughnaturalselectioninsuchawaythatpleasantsensationsserveastheirguide,andespeciallythepleasurederived

fromsociabilityandfromlovingourfamilies.—CharlesDarwin

IheardastoryonceaboutaNativeAmericanelderwhowasaskedhowshehadbecomesowise,sohappy,andsorespected.Sheanswered:“Inmyheart,therearetwowolves:awolfofloveandawolfofhate.ItalldependsonwhichoneIfeedeachday.”This story always gives me a little shiver. It’s both humbling and hopeful.

First,thewolfofloveisverypopular,butwhoamongusdoesnotalsoharborawolfofhate?Wecanhearitssnarlingbothfarawayindistantwarsandclosetohomeinourownangerandaggression,eventowardpeoplewelove.Second,thestory suggests that we each have the ability—grounded in daily actions—toencourage and strengthen empathy, compassion, and kindness while alsorestrainingandreducingillwill,disdain,andaggression.Whatarethesewolvesandwheredidtheycomefrom?Andhowcanwefeed

thewolf of love and starve thewolf of hate? This chapter considers the firstquestion;thenexttwochaptersexplorethesecond.

TheEvolutionofRelationshipAlthough the wolf of hate gets more headlines, the wolf of love has beenpainstakinglybredbyevolutiontobemorepowerful—andmorecentraltoyourdeepest nature. In the long march from tiny sponges in the ancient seas tohumanitytoday,relatingwelltoothermembersofone’sspecieshasbeenagreataid to survival.During the past 150-million-year journey of animal evolution,the advantages of social abilities were arguably the most influential factor

drivingthedevelopmentofthebrain.Therewerethreemajoradvances,andyoubenefitfromthemeveryday.

Vertebrates

The first proto-mammals probably lived about 180 million years ago,followed by the earliest birds around 30 million years later (these dates areapproximatebecauseof theambiguousfossil record).Mammalsandbirdsfacesurvival challenges similar to those of reptiles and fish—harsh habitats andhungrypredators—yet in proportion to bodyweight,mammals andbirds havebiggerbrains.Why?Reptilesandfishusuallydon’ttakecareoftheiryoung—andmayinfacteat

them!—and typically make their way in life without a partner. By contrast,mammalsandbirdsraisetheiryoung,andinmanycases,theyformpairbonds,sometimesforlife.In the dry language of evolutionary neuroscience, the “computational

requirements”ofselectingagoodmate,sharingfood,andkeepingyoungaliverequiredincreasedneuralprocessinginmammalsandbirds(DunbarandShultz2007).Asquirrelorsparrowhastobesmarterthanalizardorshark:betterabletoplan, communicate, cooperate, andnegotiate.These are the exact skills thathumancouplesdiscoverarecriticalwhentheybecomeparents,especiallyiftheywanttoremainmates.

Primates

The nextmajor step in brain evolution occurredwith the primates that firstappearedroughly80millionyearsago.Theirdefiningcharacteristicwasandisgreatsociability.Forexample,monkeysandapesspenduptoasixthoftheirdaygroomingothermembersof their troop. Interestingly, inonespecies studied—Barbary macaques—the groomers experienced more stress relief than thegroomees(Shuttetal. 2007). (I’ve tried touse this rationale togetmorebackscratchesfrommywife,butsofarshe’snotbuyingit.)Theevolutionarybottomline is that, for both female andmaleprimates, social success—which reflectsrelationshipskills—leadstomoreoffspring(Silk2007).In fact, the more sociable a primate species is—measured by things like

breeding group size, number of grooming partners, and complexity of

hierarchies—thebigger its cortex is compared to the restof thebrain (Dunbarand Shultz 2007; Sapolsky 2006). More-complex relationships require more-complexbrains.Further, only the great apes—the most modern family of primates, which

includes chimpanzees, gorillas, orangutans, and humans—have developedspindle cells, a remarkable type of neuron that supports advanced socialcapabilities (Allmanet al. 2001;Nimchinsky et al. 1999). For example, greatapesroutinelyconsoleothermembersoftheirtroopwhoareupset,althoughthistype of behavior is rare among other primates (de Waal 2006). Like us,chimpanzeeslaughandcry(Bard2006).Spindlecellsarefoundonlyinthecingulatecortexandinsula,indicatingthat

these regions—and their functions of empathy and self-awareness—haveexperienced intense evolutionary pressure over the last several million years(Allmanetal. 2001;Nimchinsky et al. 1999). In otherwords, the benefits ofrelationshipshelpeddrivetherecentevolutionoftheprimatebrain.

Humans

About2.6millionyearsagoourhominidancestorsbeganmakingstonetools(Semawetal.1997).Sincethenthebrainhastripledinsize,eventhoughitusesroughly ten times as many metabolic resources as an equivalent amount ofmuscle(DunbarandShultz2007).Thisenlargementhaschallengedthefemalebodytoevolve,aswell,inordertoenablebabieswithbiggerbrainstoexitthebirthcanal (Simpsonetal. 2008).Given itsbiological costs, this rapidgrowthmusthaveconferredgreatsurvivalbenefits—andmostofwhat’sbeenaddedisused for social, emotional, linguistic, andconceptualprocessing (Balter2007).Forexample,humanshavemanymorespindleneuronsthantheothergreatapes;these create a kind of information superhighway running from the cingulatecortex and the insula—two regions that are crucial to social and emotionalintelligence—to other parts of your brain (Allman et al. 2001). Although anadultchimpanzeeisbetterthanatwo-year-oldchildatfiguringoutthephysicalworld,thatyounghumanisalreadymuchsmarteraboutrelationships(Herrmannetal.2007).Thisprocessofneuralevolutionmayseemdryandremote,butitplayedout

inthedailylife-and-deathstrugglesofbeingslikeusinmanyways.Formillionsof years, until the advent of agriculture about 10,000 years ago, our ancestorslived in hunter-gatherer bands, usually with fewer than 150 members

(NorenzayanandShariff2008).Theybredmainlywithintheirownbandwhilesearching for food, avoiding predators, and competing with other bands forscarce resources. In that harsh environment, individuals who cooperated withother members of their band typically lived longer and left more offspring(Wilson 1999). Further, bands with strong teamwork usually beat bands withweak teamwork at getting resources, surviving, and passing on their genes(Nowak2006).Even small reproductive advantages in a single generation accumulate

significantlyovertime(Bowles2006),muchthewaysmalldifferencesinteambatting averages add up over the course of a long baseball season. Over the100,000 generations since tools were first invented, those genes that fosteredrelationshipabilitiesandcooperativetendenciespushedtheirwayforwardinthehumangenepool.Weseetheresultstodayintheneuralunderpinningsofmanyessential features of human nature, including altruism (Bowles 2006; Judson2007),generosity(Harbaugh,Mayr,andBurghart2007;Molletal.2006;Rillinget al. 2002), concern about reputation (Bateson, Nettle, and Robert 2006),fairness (deQuervain et al. 2004; Singer et al. 2006), language (Cheney andSeyfarth 2008), forgiveness (Nowak 2006), and morality and religion(NorenzayanandShariff2008).

CircuitsofEmpathyPowerful evolutionary processes have shaped your nervous system to producethe capabilities and inclinations that foster cooperative relationships; they’venourished a large and friendly wolf in your heart. Building on this generalsociability, related neural networks support empathy, the capacity to sense theinnerstateofanotherperson,whichisrequiredforanykindofrealcloseness.Iftherewerenoempathy,we’dmakeourway in life like antsorbees,brushingshoulderswithotherpeoplebutfundamentallyalone.Humansarebyfar themostempathicspecieson theplanet.Ourremarkable

capabilitiesrelyonthreeneuralsystemsthatsimulateanotherperson’sactions,emotions,andthoughts.

Actions

Networks in your brain’s perceptual-motor systems light up bothwhen you

performanactionandwhenyou see someoneelseperform that action,givingyou a felt sense of what he’s experiencing in his body (Oberman andRamachandran 2007). In effect, these networksmirror the behavior of others,thusthecommonterm,mirrorneurons.

Emotions

Theinsulaandlinkedcircuitsactivatewhenyouexperiencestrongemotionssuchasfearoranger;theyalsolightupwhenyouseeothershavingthosesamefeelings, particularly people you care about. Themore aware you are of yourown emotional and bodily states, the more your insula and anterior cingulatecortexactivate—andthebetteryouareatreadingothers(Singeretal.2004).Ineffect, the limbic networks that produce your feelings alsomake sense of thefeelingsofothers.Asaresult,impairmentsintheexpressionofemotions—suchas froma stroke—frequently alsoworsen the recognitionof emotions inotherpeople(Niedenthal2007).

Thoughts

Psychologistsuse the term theoryofmind (ToM), to refer toyour ability tothinkabouttheinnerworkingsofanotherperson.ToMreliesonprefrontalandtemporallobestructuresthatareevolutionarilyquiterecent(GallagherandFrith2003).ToMcapabilitiesfirstappearduringthethirdandfourthyearsoflifeanddon’t develop fully until the complete myelination—the insulation of axonswhichspeedsneuralsignalsalong—oftheprefrontalcortexinthelateteensorearlytwenties(Singer2006).These three systems—tracking the actions, emotions, and thoughts of other

people—helpeachother.Forexample,sensorimotorandlimbicresonancewiththe actions and emotions of others gives you lots of data for ToM-typeprocessing. Then, once you form an educated guess—often within just a fewseconds—youcantestitoutonyourbodyandyourfeelings.Workingtogether,these systems help you understand, from the inside out, what it is like to beanotherperson.Inthenextchapter,we’llcoveravarietyofwaystostrengthenthem.

LoveandAttachmentAs the humanbrain evolved and grew larger, childhood grew longer (Coward2008).Consequently,hominidbandshadtoevolvewaystokeeptheirmembersconnected for many years in order to sustain—in the African proverb—“thevillage it takes to raise a child” and thus pass on the band’s genes (Gibbons2008). To accomplish this, the brain acquired powerful circuitry andneurochemistrytogenerateandmaintainloveandattachment.Thisisthephysicalfoundationonwhichyourmindhasbuiltyourexperiences

ofromance,heartache,anddeepaffection,andyourbondswithfamilymembers.Of course, there is much more to love than the brain: culture, gender, andpersonalpsychologyplaymajorrolesaswell.Nonetheless,a lotofresearchindevelopmentalneuropsychologyhasshedlightonwhylovecangosowrong—andhowtosetitright.

LoveFeelsGood

Romanticloveisfoundinalmostallhumancultures,suggestingthatit’sdeepinourbiological—evenourbiochemical—nature(JankowiakandFischer1992).Although endorphins and vasopressin are involved in the neurochemistry ofbonding and love, the major player is probably oxytocin (Young and Wang2004). This neuromodulator (and hormone) creates feelings of caring andcherishing; it’s present in both females and males, though much more so inwomen.Oxytocinencourageseye-to-eyecontact(Guastella,Mitchell,andDads2008); increases trust (Kosfeld et al. 2005); dampens amygdala arousal andpromotesapproach-typebehaviors(Petrovicetal.2008);andsupportstend-and-befriendbehaviorsinwomenwhenthey’restressed(Tayloretal.2000).Distinctneuralnetworkshandleinfatuationandlong-termattachment(Fisher,

Aron, and Brown 2006). In its early stages, it’s natural for a romanticrelationshiptobedominatedbyintense,oftenvolatilerewardsthatdrawheavilyon dopamine-based neural networks (Aronetal. 2005). Later, the relationshipshiftsgraduallytowardmorediffuseandstablefulfillmentsthatrelyonoxytocinand related systems.Still, in long-termcoupleswhocontinue to feeldeeply inlove,ongoingticklesofdopaminekeepstimulatingthepleasurecentersofeachpartner’sbrain(Schechner2008).

LosingLoveFeelsBad

Besidespursuing thepleasureof love,we try toavoid thepainof itending.Whenloversgetjilted,partoftheirlimbicsystemlightsup—thesamepartthatactivateswhenmakinghigh-riskinvestmentsthatcouldendreallybadly(Fisher,Aron,andBrown2006).Physicalpainandsocialpainarebasedonoverlappingneuralsystems(EisenbergerandLieberman2004):quiteliterally,rejectionhurts.

ChildrenandAttachment

When combined with other influences—e.g., psychological, cultural, andsituational—these neurobiological factors often lead, no surprise, to babies.Here,too,oxytocinpromotesbonding,particularlyinthemother.Children evolved to be lovable and parents to be loving, since strong

attachments promote survival in the wild. The attachment system draws onmultiple neural networks—which handle empathy, self-awareness, attention,emotion regulation, and motivation—to weave strong connections between achildandherparents(Siegel2001).Therecurringexperiencesayoungchildhaswith her caregivers course through these neural networks, molding them andthus theway the child relates to others and feels about herself. Hopefully allgoes well—but these experiences occur at an age when children are mostvulnerable, and their parents are usuallymost stressed and depleted (Hanson,Hanson, and Pollycove 2002), which creates inherent challenges. The humanparent-childrelationshipisuniqueintheanimalkingdom,andithasasingularpower to shapehoweachofuspursues andexpresses love as an adult; in thenext chapter we’ll explore how to work with the ways you may have beenaffectedyourself.

TheWolfofHateOur unique evolutionary background has made us wonderfully cooperative,empathic,and loving.Sowhy isourhistoryso fullof selfishness,cruelty,andviolence?Economic and cultural factors certainly play a role. Nonetheless, across

differentkindsofsocieties—hunter-gatherer,agrarian,andindustrial;communistand capitalist; Eastern and Western—in most cases the story is basically thesame: loyalty and protection toward “us,” and fear and aggression toward

“them.”We’vealreadyseenhowthatstancetoward“us”isdeepinournature.Nowlet’sinvestigatehowfearandaggressiondevelopedtoward“them.”

NastyandBrutish

Formillionsofyears,ourancestorswereexposedtostarvation,predators,anddisease. Making matters worse, climactic ups and downs brought scorchingdroughtsandfreezingiceages,intensifyingthecompetitionforscarceresources.Altogether, these harsh conditions kept hominid and human population levelsessentiallyflatdespitepotentialgrowthratesofabout2percentperyear(Bowles2006).In those tough environments, it was reproductively advantageous for our

ancestors tobecooperativewithin theirownbandbut aggressive towardotherbands (Choi and Bowles 2007). Cooperation and aggression evolvedsynergistically: bands with greater cooperation were more successful ataggression,andaggressionbetweenbandsdemandedcooperationwithinbands(Bowles2009).Muchlikecooperationandlovedrawonmultipleneurologicalsystems,sodo

aggressionandhate:

Muchifnotmostaggressionisaresponsetofeelingthreatened—whichincludesevensubtlefeelingsofuneaseoranxiety.Becausetheamygdalais primed to register threats and is increasingly sensitized by what it“perceives,” many people feel increasingly threatened over time. Andthusincreasinglyaggressive.OncetheSNS/HPAAsystemactivates,ifyou’regoingtofightinsteadofflee, blood surges to your armmuscles for hitting, piloerection (goosebumps)makesyourhairstanduptomakeyoulookmoreintimidatingtoa potential attacker or predator, and the hypothalamus can—in theextreme—triggerragereactions.Aggressiveness correlates with high testosterone—in both men andwomen—andlowserotonin.Language systems in the left frontal and temporal lobes work withvisual-spatialprocessing in the righthemisphere tocategorizeothersasfriendsorfoes,personsornonentities.“Hot” aggression—with lots of SNS/HPAA activation—often

overwhelms prefrontal regulation of emotions. “Cold” aggressioninvolves little SNS/HPAA activation and draws on sustained prefrontalactivity;considertheproverb“revengeisadishbestservedcold.”

Theresultoftheseneuraldynamicsisafamiliarone:takegoodcareof“us,”and fear,disdain, andattack“them.”Forexample, research suggests thatmostmodern hunter-gatherer bands—which offer strong indications of the socialenvironments in which our ancestors evolved—have engaged in ongoingconflictswithothergroups.Whiletheseskirmisheslackedtheshockandaweofmodern warfare, they were actually much more lethal: roughly one in eighthunter-gatherermales died from them, compared to theone in a hundredmenwhodiedfromthewarsofthetwentiethcentury(Bowles2006;Keeley1997).Ourbrainsstillpossessthesecapabilitiesandinclinations.They’reatworkin

schoolyardcliques,officepolitics,anddomesticviolence.(Healthycompetition,assertiveness,andfierceadvocacyforpeopleandcausesyoucareaboutareverydifferent fromhostileaggression.)Ona larger scale,ouraggressive tendenciesfuelprejudice,oppression,ethniccleansing,andwar.Oftenthesetendenciesaremanipulated,suchasby thedemonizationof“them”in theclassic justificationfor strong-father, authoritarian control. But those manipulations wouldn’t benearlysosuccessfulifitweren’tforthelegacyofbetween-groupaggressioninourevolutionaryhistory.

What’sLeftOut?

Thewolfofloveseesavasthorizon,withallbeingsincludedinthecircleof“us.”Thatcircle shrinksdownfor thewolfofhate, so thatonly thenation,ortribe,orfriendsandfamily—or,intheextreme,onlytheindividualself—isheldas “us,” surrounded by threatening masses of “them.” In fact, sometimes thecirclegetssosmallthatonepartofthemindishatefultowardanotherpart.Forexample,I’vehadclientswhocouldnotlookinthemirrorbecausetheythoughttheyweresougly.There’s aZen saying,Nothing left out. Nothing left out of your awareness,

nothing left out of your practice, nothing left out of your heart. As the circleshrinks,thequestionnaturallyarises:Whatisleftout?Itcouldbepeopleontheother side of the world with a different religion, or people next door whosepolitics you don’t like.Or relativeswho are difficult, or old friendswho hurtyou.Itcouldbeanyoneyouregardaslessthanyouorasmerelyameanstoyour

ends.As soon as you place anyone outside of the circle of “us,” the mind/brain

automatically begins to devalue that person and justify poor treatment of him(Efferson,Lalive,andFeh2008).Thisgetsthewolfofhateupandmoving,onlya quick pounce away from active aggression. Pay attention to the number oftimes a day you categorize someone as “not like me,” particularly in subtleways: not my social background, not my style, and so on. It’s startling howroutineitis.Seewhathappenstoyourmindwhenyouconsciouslyreleasethisdistinctionandfocusinsteadonwhatyouhaveincommonwiththatperson,onwhatmakesyoubothan“us.”Ironically,oneanswerto“What’sleftout?”isthewolfofhateitself,whichis

oftendeniedorminimized.For example, itmakesmeuncomfortable to admithowgooditfeelswhentheherokillsthebadguyinamovie.Likeitornot,thewolf of hate is alive andwell inside each one of us. It’s easy to hear about adreadfulmurderacrossthecountryorterrorismandtortureacrosstheworld—ormilderformsofeverydaymistreatmentofotherscloseathand—andshakeyourhead,thinking,“What’swrongwiththem?”Butthemisactuallyus.WeallhavethesamebasicDNA.Itisakindofignorance—whichistherootofsuffering—todenytheaggressioninourgeneticendowment.Infact,aswe’veseen,intenseintergroupconflictaidedtheevolutionofwithin-groupaltruism:thewolfofhatehelpedgivebirthtothewolfoflove.Thewolfofhateisdeeplyembeddedbothinthehumanevolutionarypastand

in each person’s brain today, ready to howl at any threat. Being realistic andhonestaboutthewolfofhate—anditsimpersonal,evolutionaryorigins—bringsself-compassion. Your ownwolf of hate needs taming, sure, but it’s not yourfaultthatitlurksintheshadowsofyourmind,anditprobablyafflictsyoumorethananyoneelse.Additionally,acknowledgingthewolfofhatepromptsaveryusefulcautionwhenyouareinsituations—arguingwithaneighbor,discipliningachild,reactingtocriticismatwork—inwhichyoufeelmistreatedandrevved-up,andthatwolfbeginstostir.Whenyou’rewatching the eveningnews—oreven just listening to children

bicker—itcansometimesseemlikethewolfofhatedominateshumanexistence.MuchlikespikesofSNS/HPAAarousalstandoutagainstabackdropofresting-stateparasympatheticactivation,darkcloudsofaggressionandconflictcompelmoreattentionthanthemuchlarger“sky”ofconnectionandlovethroughwhichtheypass.Butinfact,mostinteractionshaveacooperativequality.Humansandotherprimatespecies routinely restrain thewolfofhateandrepair itsdamage,returning to a baseline of reasonably positive relationships with each other

(Sapolsky2006).Inmostpeoplemostofthetime,thewolfofloveisbiggerandstrongerthanthewolfofhate.Love andhate: they live and tumble together in everyheart, likewolf cubs

tusslinginacave.Thereisnokillingthewolfofhate; theaversioninsuchanattemptwouldactuallycreatewhatyou’retryingtodestroy.Butyoucanwatchthat wolf carefully, keep it tethered, and limit its alarm, righteousness,grievances, resentments, contempt, and prejudice.Meanwhile, keep nourishingandencouragingthewolfoflove.We’llexplorehowtodothatinthenexttwochapters.

chapter8:KeyPoints

Each of us has twowolves in the heart, one of love and one of hate.Everythingdependsonwhichonewefeedeachday.Whilethewolfofhategetsmorepress,thewolfofloveisactuallybiggerandstronger,anditsdevelopmentovermillionsofyearshasbeenamajorfactor indrivingtheevolutionof thebrain.Forexample,mammalsandbirds have bigger brains than reptiles and fish in large part tomanagerelationships with mates and offspring. And the more sociable theprimatespecies,thebiggerthebrain.Thesizeof thehumanbrainhas tripled in thepast threemillionyears;much of this growth is devoted to interpersonal capabilities such asempathyandcooperativeplanning.Intheharshconditionsfacedbyourancestors, cooperation aided survival; thus, factors that promotecooperation have been woven into your brain. These include altruism,generosity,concernaboutreputation,fairness,language,forgiveness,andmoralityandreligion.Empathy relies on three neural systems that simulate the actions,emotions,andthoughtsofothers.As the brain grew in size, early humans needed a longer childhood todevelopandtrainthebrain;andaschildhoodgrewlonger,ourancestorsneededtofindnewwaystobondparentsandchildrenandothermembersof the band in order to preserve “the village it takes to raise a child.”Multipleneuralnetworksaccomplishthis,suchasrewardsystemsbasedon dopamine and oxytocin and punishment systems in which socialrejectioncreatesactivationmuchlikephysicalpaindoes.Meanwhile, the wolf of hate also evolved. Hunter-gatherer bandsfrequentlyengaged inhighly lethalviolence towardeachother.Within-groupcooperationmadebetween-groupaggressionmoresuccessful,andtherewardsofthataggression—food,mates,survival—promotedwithin-group cooperation. Cooperation and aggression—love and hate—co-evolvedsynergistically.Theircapabilitiesandinclinationsremainwithinustoday.Thewolfofhateshrinks thecircleof“us,”sometimes to thepoint thatonly the self is left inside it. The brain routinely categorizes “us” and“them,”andthenautomaticallyprefers“us”anddevalues“them.”Ironically, sometimes thewolf of hate is set outside the circle of “us.”

Butthereisnokillingthewolfofhate,anddenyingitjustletsitgrowintheshadows.Weneedtoacknowledgethewolfofhateandappreciatethepowerof thewolfof love—and then restrain theonewhile feeding theother.

chapter9

CompassionandAssertion

Ifwecouldreadthesecrethistoryofourenemies,weshouldfindineach[person’s]lifesorrowandsufferingenoughtodisarmanyhostility.

—HenryWadsworthLongfellow

Isatontheboardofameditationcenterfornineyears,andwasoftenstruckbyhow its teachers expressed their views. They were compassionate about theconcernsofothers,butwhentheysaidwhattheythought,theydidsoclearlyandoften strongly, without hemming or hawing. And then they let it be, notbecomingdefensiveorargumentative.Thiscombinationofopenheartednessanddirectnesswasverypowerful.Itgotthejobdonewhilenurturingtheloveintheroom.Thiswascompassionandassertionworkingtogether.They’rethetwowings

that get any relationship off the ground and keep it flying.They support eachother: compassion brings caring to assertion, while assertion helps you feelcomfortable giving compassion since you know your own needswill bemet.Compassion widens the circle of “us” while assertion protects and supportseveryone inside it. They both nourish the wolf of love. In this chapter, we’llexplore brain-savvy ways to use and strengthen your inborn abilities to becompassionateandassertive,andwe’llbeginwithcompassion.Inordertobetrulycompassionate,youmustfirstfeelsomethingofwhatthe

otherpersonisgoingthrough.Youmusthaveempathy,whichcutsthroughtheautomatic tendencies of the brain that create an “us” and a “them.” So that’swherewe’llstart.

EmpathyEmpathy is the foundation of any meaningful relationship. When someoneempathizeswithyou,itgivesyouthesensethatyourinnerbeingtrulyexistsfor

that person—that you are a Thou to his I, with feelings and needs that havestanding. Empathy reassures you that he understands your inner workings atleast somewhat, particularly your intentions and emotions. We are socialanimals,who,asDanSiegelputsit,needtofeelfelt(2007).Or let’ssayyouare theonewho isofferingempathy.Empathy is respectful

andsoothing,anditusuallyevokesgoodwillinreturn.Oftenempathyisalltheotherpersonisaskingofyou;ifthereisstillsomethingthepersonneedstotalkabout,youcanaddressitinamorepositiveatmosphere.Further,beingempathicgives you lots of useful information about the other person, including what’sreallyonhermind,andwhatshereallycaresabout.Forexample,ifshe’sbeingcritical of you, sense down into her deeper wants, particularly the softer andyoungerones.Thenyou’llhaveafullerpicture,whichwillprobablyreduceanyfrustrationorangertowardher.She’lllikelysensethisshiftinyou,andbecomemoreunderstandingherself.Tobeclear: empathy isneither agreementnor approval.Youcanempathize

with someone youwishwould act differently. Empathydoesn’tmeanwaivingyourrights;knowingthiscanhelpyoufeelit’salrighttobeempathic.Inspiritualpractice,empathyseeshowweareall related toeachother. It is

mindfulandcurious,witha“don’tknow”qualitythatpreventsyoufromgettingstuck in your ownviews.Empathy is virtue in action, the restraint of reactivepatternsinordertostaypresentwithanotherperson.Itembodiesnon-harming,sincealackofempathyisoftenupsettingtoothers,andalsoopensthedoortohurtingthemunwittingly.Empathycontainsaninherentgenerosity:yougivethewillingnesstobemovedbyanotherperson.

EmpathicBreakdowns

For all its benefits, empathy disappears quickly during most conflicts, andfades away slowly inmany long-term relationships.Unfortunately, inadequateempathyerodes trustandmakes itharder tosolve interpersonalproblems.Justrecall a timeyou feltmisunderstood—orworse, a timewhen theother persondidn’t even want to understand you. A history of empathic breakdowns haseffects;themorevulnerableapersonisandthehigherthestakes,thegreatertheimpact. For example, insufficient caregiver empathy often leads to insecureattachment inayoungchild. In the largerworld,empathicbreakdowns lead toexploitation,prejudice,andterribleatrocities.There’snoempathyinthewolfofhate.

HowtoBeEmpathic

Your natural capacity for empathy can be brought forth deliberately, usedskillfully, and strengthened. Here’s how to work with the brain’s empathycircuits.

SETTHESTAGE

Bringconsciousintentiontobeingempathic.Forexample,whenIrealizethatmy wife wants to have one of those conversations—she’s not happy aboutsomething,andit’sprobablyme—Itrytotakeafewsecondstoremindmyselftobe empathic and not lame, and that it feels good to be empathic. These littlesteps activate the prefrontal cortex (PFC) to orient you to the situation, focusyourintentions,andprimeempathy-relatedneuralnetworks;theyalsowarmupthelimbicsystemtogetyourbrainheadedtowardtherewardsofempathy.Next,relaxyourbodyandmind,andopentotheotherpersonasmuchasfeels

righttoyou.Usethemethodsinthenextsectiontofeelsafeandstrongenoughtoreceivetheotherpersonfully.Remindyourselfthatwhateverisinhismindisoverthere,andyou’reoverhere,presentwithbutseparatefromthestreamofhisthoughtsandfeelings.Keeppayingattentiontotheotherperson;bewithhim.Thissortofsustained

attention is uncommon, and other people appreciate it a lot. Appoint a littleguardianinyourmindthatkeepswatchingthecontinuityofyourattentiveness;thiswillstimulate theanteriorcingulatecortex(ACC),whichpaysattention toattention.(We’llsaymoreaboutthisguardianinchapter12.)Inaway,empathyisakindofmindfulnessmeditationfocusedonsomeoneelse’sinnerworld.

NOTICETHEACTIONSOFOTHERS

Noticetheotherperson’smovements,stance,gestures,andactions.(Thepointis to energize the perceptual-motor mirroring functions of your brain, not toanalyzeher body language.) Imaginedoing theseyourself.Whatwould it feellike, in your own body, to do them? If it’s appropriate, match some of hermovementsunobtrusivelywithyourown,andnoticewhatthisfeelslike.

SENSETHEFEELINGSOFOTHERS

Tuneintoyourself.Senseyourbreathing,body,andemotions.Aswe’veseen,thisstimulatesyourinsulaandprimesittosensetheinnerfeelingsofothers.

Watch the other person’s face and eyes closely. Our core emotions areexpressedthroughuniversalfacialexpressions(Ekman2007).Theyoftenflitbyquickly,butifyou’remindful,youcanspotthem.Thisisthebiologicalbasisfortheoldsayingthattheeyesarethewindowstothesoul.Relax.Letyourbodyopentoresonatingwiththeotherperson’semotions.

TRACKTHETHOUGHTSOFOTHERS

Actively imagine what the other person could be thinking and wanting.Imaginewhatcouldbegoingonbeneaththesurface,andwhatmightbepullingin different directions inside him.Considerwhat you know or can reasonablyguess about him, such as his personal history, childhood, temperament,personality, “hot buttons,” recent events in his life, and the nature of hisrelationship with you: What effect might these have? Also take into accountwhat you’ve already experienced from tuning in to his actions and emotions.Ask yourself questions, such asWhat might he be feeling deep down? Whatcouldbemost important tohim?Whatmighthewant fromme?Berespectful,anddon’tjumptoconclusions:stayin“don’tknow”mind.

CHECKBACK

Asappropriate,checkwiththeotherpersontoseeifyou’reontherighttrack.For example, you might say, “Sounds like you’re feeling _________, is thatright?”Or,“I’mnotsure,butIgetthesensethat_________.”Or,“Itseemslikewhatbotheredyouwas_________.Didyouwant_________?”Be careful not to askquestions in an argumentativeor prosecutorialway to

advance your own viewpoint. And don’t muddle empathy together with anydisagreements youmay have.Keep empathy separate from asserting yourself,andtrytobeclearaboutthetransitionfromonetotheother.Forexample,youmightsaysomethinglike,“Igetthatyouwantedmoreattentionfrommewhenwe visitedmy relatives, and that you felt bad. Itmakes sense tome and I’msorry. I’mgoing tobemorecareful about that in the future. [Pause.]But, youknow,youseemedhappychattingawaywithAuntSueanddidn’t tellme thatyouwantedmoreattention.Ifyoucouldtellmedirectlywhatyou’dlikeinthemoment,itwouldbeeasierformetogiveittoyou—whichiswhatIdefinitelywanttodo.”

RECEIVEEMPATHYYOURSELF

Whenyouwouldliketoreceiveempathy,rememberthatyou’remorelikelytogetitifyouare“feelable.”Beopen,present,andhonest.Youcouldalsoaskforempathydirectly;rememberthatsomepeoplemayjustnotrealizethatreceivingempathy is important to you (and to lots of others, too). Be willing to sayexplicitlywhatyouwouldliketoreceive.Itoftenhelpstomakeitclearthatit’sempathyyouwant,notnecessarilyagreementorapproval.Whenyousensethattheotherpersongetshowitisforyou,atleastinsomeways,lettheexperienceofreceivingempathysinkintoyourimplicit,emotionalmemory.

FeelingComfortablewithClosenessEmpathyopensyouuptootherpeopleandnaturallydrawsyoucloser.Sotobeasempathicaspossible,youneedtobecomfortablewithcloseness.Butthiscanbe challenging. During our evolutionary history, there were many risks inencounters with others. Additionally, most psychological pain occurs in closerelationships—particularlythoseinearlychildhood,whenmemorynetworksaremosteasilyshapedandemotionalreactionsareleastregulatedbythePFC.Allinall,it’snaturaltobewaryaboutgettingtooclose.Themethodsbelowcanhelpyoufeelsaferwhilebecomingmoredeeplyconnectedwithotherpeople.

FocusonYourInternalExperience

Thereappearstobeacentralnetworkinthemiddleandlowerregionsofthebrain that evolved to integrate multiple social-emotional capabilities (Siegel2007). This network is stimulated by important relationships, especially theiremotionalaspects.Dependingsomewhatonyour temperament(someofusaremore affected by relationships than others), youmight feel flooded by all theinformationflowingthroughthisnetwork.Todealwiththis,focusmoreonyourownexperiencethanontheotherperson(e.g.,tracksomebreathsinandout,orwiggle your toes and pay attention to the sensations). Notice how you keepgoing on being, doing just fine even though you are emotionally close. Thisreducesthesenseofthreatfromclosenessandthusthedesiretopullback.

PayAttentiontoAwarenessItself

Payattentiontoawarenessitself,distinctfromthe(potentiallyintense)sense

oftheotherpersoncontainedwithinawareness;simplynoticethatyou’reawareand explore what that’s like. Technically, the working memory aspects ofawareness appear to be based largely on neural substrates in the dorsolateral(upper-outer)portionsofthePFC,incontrasttotheventromedial(lower-middle)circuitry that processes social-emotional content. By bringing attention toawareness,you’reprobablyenergizingthosedorsolateralcircuitsmorethantheirventromedialneighbors.

UseImagery

Use imagery, which stimulates the right hemisphere of your brain. Forexample,ifI’mwithsomeonewho’sgettingintense,Imightimaginemyselfasadeeply rooted tree, with the other person’s attitudes and emotions blowingthroughmyleavesandshakingthem—butwindsalwayscometoanend,andmytreeremainsstanding.OrI’llimaginethatthereisapicketfencebetweenus—or, if need be, a glasswall that’s a foot thick. In addition to the benefits thatcome from the particular images themselves, activating the right hemisphereencouragesasenseofthewholethatislargerthananypart—includingthatpartofyourexperiencewhichmightfeeluncomfortablewithcloseness.

BeMindfulofYourInnerWorld

Whetheryou’rewithothersorbyyourself,beingmindfulofyourinnerworldseemstohelphealsignificantshortagesofempathyyoumayhaveexperiencedwhenyouwereyoung(Siegel2007).Inessence,mindfulattentiontoyourownexperienceactivatesmanyofthesamecircuitsthatarestimulatedinchildhoodby the attuned and caring attention of others. Thus, you’re giving to yourselfhereandnowwhatyoushouldhavegottenwhenyouwerelittle;overtime,thisinterestandconcernwillgraduallysinkin,helpingyoufeelmoresecurewhilebeingclosewithothers.

MayYouNotSufferYoucandeliberatelycultivatecompassion,whichwillstimulateandstrengthenits underlying neural substrate, including your ACC and insula (Lutz,Brefczynski-Lewis, et al. 2008). To prime the neural circuits of compassion,

bringtomindthefeelingofbeingwithsomeonewholovesyou,whilecallingupheartfelt emotions such as gratitude or fondness. Next, bring empathy to thedifficulties of the other person. Opening to his (even subtle) suffering, letsympathy and goodwill naturally arise. (These steps flow together in actualpractice.)Then,inyourmind,offerexplicitwishes,suchasMayyounotsuffer.Mayyou

find rest. May it go well with the doctor. Or wordlessly experiencecompassionate feelings and wishes. You could also focus on universal,nonreferentialcompassion—compassionwhichhasnoparticulartarget—sothat,asTibetanmonkMathieuRicardsays,“benevolenceandcompassionpervadethemindasawayofbeing”(Lutz,Brefczynski-Lewis,etal.2008,e1897).You can also bring compassion practices intomeditation. In the beginning,

make your compassionate phrases the object of attention. As the meditationdeepens,sinkintofeelingcompassionbeyondwords,thesenseofitfillingyourheart and chest and body, becoming increasingly absorbing and intense. Youmayfeelcompassionradiatingfromyouinalldirections:frontandback,leftandright,upanddown.However and whenever you experience compassion, be mindful of the

experienceandreallytakeit in.Byrememberingwhat it’s like,you’llbemoreabletoreturntothislovelystateofmindinthefuture.Everyday, try tohavecompassionforfivekindsofpeople:someoneyou’re

grateful to (a “benefactor”), a loved one or friend, a neutral person, someonewho is difficult for you—and yourself. For example, sometimes I’ll look at astrangeronthestreet(aneutralperson),getaquicksenseofhimorher,andthenaccess a sense of compassion.You can also bring compassion to animals andplants,ortowardgroupsofpeople(e.g.,children,thosewhoareill,RepublicansorDemocrats).Compassionisforeveryone.Eventhoughitcanbehardtobringcompassiontoadifficultperson,doingso

reinforces the important lesson thatweareallone inour suffering.Whenyouseehowconnectedeverythingis,andthemanyfactors“upstream”thatpushonevery person, compassion naturally arises. The Buddhist image of this is thejewel of compassion resting in the lotus ofwisdom—the union of caring andinsight.

AssertingYourself

Beingassertivemeansspeakingyourtruthandpursuingyouraimsinthenitty-gritty of relationships. In my experience, skillful assertiveness is founded onunilateral virtue and effective communication. Let’s see what this actuallymeans,whetherinteractingwithafriend,coworker,lover,orfamilymember.

UnilateralVirtue

Virtue sounds lofty, but it’s actually down to earth. It simplymeans livingfrom your innate goodness, guided by principle. When you are virtuous nomatterwhatotherpeopledo,theirbehaviorisnotcontrollingyou.Asatherapist,I’veseenmanycouplesinwhicheachpersonsaysessentiallythesamething:I’lltreatyouwellafteryoutreatmewell.They’restuckinastandoff—whichneitherone of them truly wants—because they’re each letting the other persondeterminetheirbehavior.On the other hand, when you are unilaterally virtuous, you head directly

toward your own enlightened self-interest whether or not the other personcooperates.Itfeelsgoodtobegood,enjoying“theblissofblamelessness”withamind untroubled by guilt or regret. Staying principled fosters inner peace byreducingwrangles thatwould otherwiseweigh on yourmind. It increases theoddsthatotherswilltreatyouwellinreturn.Ifneedbe,itsetsyouonthemoralhighground.

Toattainthisqualityofdeepinsight,wemusthaveamindthatisquietandmalleable.Achievingsuchastateofmindrequiresthatwefirstdeveloptheabilitytoregulateourbodyandspeech

soastocausenoconflict.—VenerableTenzinPalmo

Doing the right thing draws on both head and heart.Your prefrontal cortex(“head”) forms values, makes plans, and gives instructions to the rest of thebrain.Your limbic system (“heart”) fuels the inner strength you use to do theright thingwhenit’shard,andsupportsheart-centeredvirtuessuchascourage,generosity, and forgiveness. Even seemingly “heady” moral reasoning drawsheavily on emotional processing; consequently, people with damage to the

limbicsystemhaveahardtimemakingcertainethicaldecisions(Haidt2007).Virtue in the mind is supported by regulation in the brain. Both of these

involvefindinganequilibriumthatiscenteredaroundhealthycoreaims,staysinbounds, andchanges smoothly rather thanabruptlyorchaotically.To find thatplaceofbalanceforyourself, let’sapply thenatureofahealthyequilibriumtovirtue.Thenyou’lldevelopyourown“code.”Throughoutthisexploration,keeplistening to both your head and your heart for what it would mean to assertyourselfvirtuously.

ANEQUILIBRIUMOFVIRTUE

First, identify your core aims. What are your purposes and principles inrelationships?Forexample,onefundamentalmoralvalueisnottoharmpeople,including yourself. If your needs are not being met in a relationship, that’sharmful to you. If you are mean or punishing, that harms others. Anotherpotentialaimmightbetokeepdiscoveringthetruthaboutyourselfandtheotherperson.Second, stay in bounds. The Wise Speech section of Buddhism’s Noble

Eightfold Path offers good guidelines for communication that stayswithin thelines:Sayonlywhatiswell-intended,true,beneficial,timely,expressedwithoutharshnessormalice,and—ideally—whatiswanted.SeveralyearsagoItookupthepreceptofneverspeakingoractingoutofanger.Imusthaveviolateditthatfirst day in a dozen little ways, with exasperation, sarcasm, eye rolls, sniffs,whatever. But over time it’s become more ingrained, and a very powerfulpractice.Itforcesapersontoslowdownininteractions,toavoidmakingmattersworsebypouring thegasolineofangeronasmolderingfire,and tofeeldownbelowyourtheangerfortherealissue(e.g.,hurt,worry,guilt).Afterward,youfeel good about yourself: you stayed in control and didn’t add your ownreactivity to a tense situation. Of course, the principle of staying in boundsapplies to others, too. If someone violates your boundaries—for example, bytreatingyoudisrespectfully,orcontinuingtoyellatyouafteryousayyouwantittostop—thatpushestheequilibriumofyourrelationshipoutofbounds,andyourcodecancertainlyincludenotputtingupwiththat.(We’llexplorehowtostandupforyourselfinthesectionbelowoneffectivecommunication.)Third, change smoothly. In a series of studies (1995), psychologist John

Gottman documented the value of a slow start-upwhen discussing potentiallyupsetting matters with another person. As I’ve learned myself, that usuallyworks a lot better than doing things like walking in the front door and

immediatelycriticizingyourpartner forhavingall the lightson.Rapid, abruptactions trigger alarms in theotherperson’sSNS/HPAAsystem,which shakearelationshiplikepokingasleepingcatwithasharpstick.Smallbutskillfulstepspreventtheseherky-jerkyshifts—steps,suchasaskingifthisisagoodtimetotalk before diving in full steam, or not curtly cutting off a conversation that’sstrikingtooclosetohome.

PERSONALCODE

Nowwriteyourpersonalcodeofunilateralrelationshipvirtues.Thiscouldbeahandfulofwords.Ormoreextensivedosanddon’ts.Whatever its form,aimforlanguagethatispowerfulandmotivating,thatmakessensetoyourheadandtouchesyourheart.Itdoesn’thavetobeperfecttobeuseful,andyoucanalwaysreviseitlater.Forexample,itmightincludestatementslikethese:

Listenmore,talkless.Don’tyellorthreatenotherpeople,anddon’tletthemdothattome.Every day, askmywife three questions in a row about how things aregoingforher.Gethomebysixeverynighttohavedinnerwiththefamily.SaywhatIneed.Beloving.Keepmypromises.

Whenyou’redone,visualizeyourselfactingaccordingtoyourcodenomatterwhathappens.Imaginethegoodfeelingsandotherrewardsthat thiswillbringyou.Take these in to helpmotivate yourself to truly livebyyour code.Then,whenyoudolivebyitandthingsgowell,takethatin,too.

EffectiveCommunicationLotscanbesaidabouthowtocommunicateeffectively.Fromthirty-plusyearsof working with people as a therapist or management consultant—and somepainfullessonsasahusbandandfather—Iconsiderthesethekeypoints:

Stay in touchwith your deeper feelings andwants. Themind is like agiant parfait, with softer, child-like, and more essential layers underharder, adult-like, and more superficial ones. Based on this innermindfulness,keepclarifyingyour aims in the interaction.For example,doyou justwant tobe listened to?Is theresomething inparticularyouwanttobesurewillneverhappenagain?Take responsibility for getting your needsmet in the relationship. Stayfocusedontheprize,whateveritisforyou,andkeepcomingbacktoit.Iftheotherpersonhasimportanttopicsofhisown,oftenitworksbesttotake turns, focusing on one topic at a time, rather than mixing themtogether.Communicateprimarilyforyourself,nottoproduceaparticularresponsefromtheotherperson.Sure,it’sreasonabletohopeforsomegoodresultsoverthere.Butifyoucommunicateinordertofix,change,orconvinceanotherperson,thesuccessofyourcommunicationswilldependonhowshereactstoyou,andthenit’soutofyourhands.Plus,theotherpersonislikely to bemore open to you if she doesn’t feel pressed to change insomeway.Stayguidedbyyourpersonalcode.Attheendoftheday,whatyouandtheotherpersonwillmainlyrememberisnotwhatyousaidbuthowyousaid it. Be careful about your tone, and avoid language that is fault-finding,exaggerated,orinflammatory.When you speak, keep coming back to your own experience—notably,your emotions, body sensations, and underlying hopes and wishes—rather than talkingaboutevents,suchas theotherperson’sactions,andyouropinionsaboutthem.Noonecanarguewithyourexperience;it iswhat it is, and you are theworld’s expert on it.When you share yourexperience,takeresponsibilityforit,anddon’tblametheotherpersonforit.Asappropriate,conveyitsdeeperlayers,suchasthelongingsforlovethat lie beneath jealousy.Even though this openness is often scary, thedeeper layers contain what’smost vital to get at for both you and theother person. The universality of these layers and their relativelyunthreateningnaturealso increase thechance that theotherpersonwilllowerhisguardandhearwhatyouhavetosay.IhighlyrecommendtheapproachMarshallRosenbergdetails inNonviolentCommunication (2nd

Edition 2008), which has essentially three parts: When X happens[described factually, not judgmentally], I feel Y [especially the deeper,softeremotions],becauseIneedZ[fundamentalneedsandwants].Trytoexperienceyourtruthasyouspeakit.Thiswillincreaseyourinner

mindfulness, and probably also help the other person empathize withyou.Noticeanytightnessintheeyes,throat,chest,belly,orfloorofthepelvis,andseeifyoucanrelaxittoallowyourexperiencetoflowmorefreely.Usethepowerofembodiedemotion:takethephysicalstanceofafeelingor attitude—which might not be your usual posture—to aid theexpression of it (Niedenthal 2007). For example, if you typically holdback,trytalkingwhileleaningslightlyforward;ifyoutendtopushawaysadness, softenyoureyes; ifyou find ithard tobeassertive, shiftyourshoulderstoopenyourchest.Ifyouthinkyoumightgettriggeredbytheinteractionandloseyourway,helpyourprefrontal cortex tohelpyou—an interestingcircularity!—bysortingoutyourkeypointsinadvance,evenwritingthemdown.Tokeepyour words and tone clean, imagine a video recording being made ofyourinteraction:actsothatyouwouldn’twinceifyousawit.If you are solving a problemwith someone, establish the facts (if youcan). This usually narrows the disagreement and brings in usefulinformation.Butmainlyfocusonthefuture,notthepast.Mostquarrelsareaboutthepast:whathappened,howbaditwas,whosaidwhat,howitwas said, extenuating circumstances, and so on. Instead, try to agreeabouthowthingswillbefromnowon.Beasclearaspossible.Ifithelps,writeitdown.Tacitlyorexplicitly,youaremakingagreementswitheachotherthatshouldbetakenasseriouslyascommitmentsatwork.Take maximum reasonable responsibility for the other person’s issueswith you. Identifywhat there is to correct on your part, and correct itunilaterally—evenifthatpersonkeepsblowingitwithyou.Onebyone,keep crossing off her legitimate complaints. It’s fine to put someattentionontryingtoinfluenceherbehavior,butfocusmainlyonbeinghonorable, benevolent, and increasingly skillful yourself. This isdefinitely the road less traveled, but it’s the one that’s both kind andsmart.Youcan’tcontrolhowshetreatsyou,butyoucancontrolhowyoutreather:thesearethecausesyoucanactuallytendto.Anddoingwhat’srightregardlessofherbehavior isagoodwaytoencourageher to treatyouwell.Give it time.As time passes—weeks andmonths, not years—the truthabouttheotherpersonwillbecomeclearer.Forexample:Doesherespectyour boundaries? Will he keep agreements? Can he repairmisunderstandings?Whatishislearningcurveforself-understandingandinterpersonalskills(appropriatetothetypeofrelationship)?Whatarehis

trueintentions(revealedovertimebyhisactions)?When you see another person clearly, sometimes you realize that therelationship needs to change tomatchwhat you can actually count on.Thisgoestwoways:arelationshipthat’sbiggerthanitsrealfoundationisaset-upfordisappointmentandhurt,whilearelationship that’ssmallerthanitsfoundationisalostopportunity.Inbothcases,focusonyourowninitiative, especially after you’vemade reasonable efforts to encouragechangesintheotherperson.

Forexample,youusuallycan’tmakeacoworkerstopbeingdismissiveofyou,butyoucan“shrink”therelationship—soit’sclosertothesizeofitstrue foundation—by minimizing your contacts with him, doing anexcellent jobonyourown,buildingupallianceswithotherpeople,andarrangingforthequalityofyourworktobeseenwidely.Conversely,ifthereisalargefoundationofloveinyourmarriagebutyourmateisnotthatemotionallynurturing,youcantryto“grow”therelationshiponyourownbypayingparticularattentiontowhenheexpressescaringthroughhis actions and soaking that into your heart, by drawing him intosituations with a culture of warmth (e.g., dinner with friends, certainkinds of live music, meditation group), and perhaps by being moreemotionallynurturingyourself.

Throughoutallofthis,keepinmindthebigpicture,the1,000-footview.Seetheimpermanenceofwhateverisatissue,andthemanycausesandconditions that led to it.See thecollateraldamage—thesuffering—thatresults when you cling to your desires and opinions or take thingspersonally.Overthelonghaul,mostofwhatweargueaboutwithothersreallydoesn’tmatterthatmuch.Above all, try to preserve your fundamental orientation of compassionand kindness. You can differ vigorously with people whilesimultaneouslyholdingtheminyourheart.Forexample,bearinginmindallthathashappenedinTibetsinceitwasinvadedin1950,considerhowtheDalaiLamahasspokenoftheChinesegovernmentas:myfriend,theenemy (Brehony 2001, 217). Or consider NelsonMandela, imprisonedfortwenty-sevenyears—muchofthattimedoinghardlaborinaquarry—often receiving mail just once every six months. It’s said that hedespairedoflosingcontactwithpeopleheloved,sohedecidedtobringlove to his guards while continuing to stand firm in his opposition toapartheid.Itwashardfortheguardstomistreathimwhenhewasbeingloving,sotheauthoritieshadtokeepreplacingthem,butMandelawould

just love the newones, too. In fact, at his inauguration as president ofSouthAfrica,oneofhisformerguardswasseatedinthefrontrow.

chapter9:KeyPoints

Compassion is concern for the sufferingofbeings (includingyourself).Assertion is expressing your truth and pursuing your aims within anytype of relationship. These two work together. Compassion infuseswarmthandcaringintoyourassertiveness.Assertivenesshelpsyoustickup for yourself and others, and to feel confident that you can still getyourneedsmetevenwhilebeingcompassionate.Empathyisthebasisoftruecompassion,sinceitmakesyouawareofthedifficulties others face and their suffering. Empathy supportsrelationships in otherways aswell, such as byhelpingyouunderstandanother person’s inner workings. Empathic breakdowns are upsetting.When they happen frequentlywith vulnerable people such as children,theycanbeveryharmful.Empathy involves simulating the actions, feelings, and thoughts ofanother person. Simulate her actions through imagining what it wouldfeel like inyourbody todo them.Simulateher feelings through tuningintoyourownemotionsandwatchingherfaceandeyesclosely.Simulateher thoughts by taking into accountwhat you know about her, and byforminggoodguessesaboutherinnerworld.Being comfortable with closeness supports empathy and compassion.Nonetheless, humanity’s evolutionary heritage (in which the greatestthreats usually came from other people), combined with personal lifeexperiences (especially childhood ones), can make an individualuncomfortablewithcloseness.Ways to increasecomfortwithclosenessinclude focusing on your internal experience instead of on the otherperson, paying attention to awareness itself, using imagery, and beingmindfulofyourinnerworld.Compassion draws on the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and insula.Throughcultivatingcompassion,youcanstrengthenthecircuitryintheseregions.Compassionissupportedbyrecallingthefeelingofbeingwithsomeonewho loves you, evoking heartfelt emotions such as gratitude, beingempathic, opening to the suffering of other beings, and wishing themwell. Bring compassion to five kinds of people: benefactors, friends,neutralpeople,difficultpeople,andyourself.Asserting yourself skillfully involves unilateral virtue and effective

communication.Virtuemeanslivingfromyourinnategoodness,guidedbyprinciple.Virtueinyourmindrestsonregulationinyourbrain;bothvirtue and regulation require maintaining a balance that is centeredaroundhealthyaims,stayswithinahealthyrange,andchangessmoothly.After considering your aims in relationships, what it means to stay inbounds, and how to interact harmoniously with others, establish yourpersonalcodeof relationshipvirtues.Livingby thiscodeunilaterally—nomatterwhatothersdo—increasesyourindependenceandself-controlinrelationships,feelsgoodinitsownright,putsyouonthemoralhighground, and isyourbest-odds strategy for evokinggoodbehavior fromothers.Keypointsforeffectivecommunicationinclude:focusonspeakingyourtruth rather than changing other people; stay in touch with yourexperience, especially the deeper layers; establish the facts; takemaximumreasonableresponsibilityfortheotherperson’sissueswithyouandkeepaddressinghisorherlegitimatecomplaints;dowhatyoucantohave the relationship match its true foundation; keep in mind the bigpicture;andmaintaincompassionandkindness.

chapter10

BoundlessKindness

Alljoyinthisworldcomesfromwantingotherstobehappy,andallsufferinginthisworldcomesfromwantingonlyoneselftobehappy.

—Shantideva

Ifcompassionisthewishthatbeingsnotsuffer,kindnessisthewishthattheybehappy. Compassion responds primarily to suffering, but kindness comes intoplay all of the time, even when others are doing fine. Kindness is expressedmainly in small, everyday ways, such as leaving a big tip, reading onemorestory to a child even though you’re tired, or waving another driver to moveaheadofyouintraffic.Kindnesshasalovingquality,thusthetermloving-kindness.Lovingkindness

rangesfromthecasualhelpfulnessofstrangerstotheprofoundloveonehasfora child or mate. The words “kind” and “kin,” share the same root; kindnessbringspeopleintothecircleof“us”andfeedsthewolfoflove.Kindness depends on prefrontal intentions and principles, limbic-based

emotions and rewards, neurochemicals such as oxytocin and endorphins, andbrain stem arousal. These factors offer you a variety ofways to nurture yourkindness,whichwe’llexploreinthischapter.

WishingOthersWellIoftenworkwithchildrenandhavespentalotoftimeinschools.IreallyliketheseguidelinesIoncesawpostedinakindergarten:Benice.Shareyour toys.Theseareexcellentintentionstobekind—andyoudon’tneedmuchmorethanthemtosteeryourlife!Everymorning,establishtheintentiontobekindandlovingthatday.Imagine

the good feelings that will come from treating people with kindness; take inthese feelings as rewards thatwill naturally drawyourmind andbrain toward

kindness.Theresultscouldripplefarandwide.One way to focus and express kind intentions is through these traditional

wishes,whichyoucanthink,writedown,orevensing:

Mayyoubesafe.Mayyoubehealthy.Mayyoubehappy.Mayyoulivewithease.

Youcanmodifytheseifyoulike,usingwhateverwordsevokestrongfeelingsofkindnessandloveinyou.Forexample:

Mayyoubesafefrominnerandouterharm.Mayyourbodybestrongandvital.Mayyoutrulybeatpeace.Mayyouandeveryoneyouloveprosper.Mayyoubesafe,healthy,happy,andatease.

Youcanalsobeveryspecific:

Mayyougetthatjobyouwant.Susan,mayyourmothertreatyouwell.MayyougetahitatLittleLeaguetoday,Carlo.MayIbeatpeacewithmydaughter.

Lovingkindness practice is like compassion practice in several ways. Itinvolves both wishes and feelings; in your brain, loving-kindness mobilizesprefrontallanguageandintentionnetworksaswellaslimbicemotionandrewardnetworks.Itcallsonequanimitytokeeptheheartopen,especiallyinthefaceofgreat pain or provocation. Kindness is for everyone—“omitting none,” in thetraditional phrase—with all beings held as “us” in your heart. There are fivetypesofpeopleyoucanofferkindness to:benefactors, friends,neutralpeople,difficult people, and yourself. When you are kind to someone else, you alsobenefityourself; it feelsgood tobekind,and itencouragesothers to treatyouwellinturn.You can even be kind to parts of yourself. For example, it’s touching and

powerful to be kind to the little child within you. You could also be kind toaspectsofyourselfthatyouwishweredifferent,suchasacravingforattention,alearningdisability,orafearofcertainsituations.

Loving-KindnessMeditation

Youcanmeditateonloving-kindnessitself;ithasawarmfeelingtoitthatis“juicier” than the breath and thus, for many people, easier to keep payingattention to.Onepractice is to expressyourkindwishesas specificphrases—suchastheonesintheprevioussection—andthensaytheminyourmindonebyone,perhapsinrhythmwiththebreath(e.g.,onephraseperbreath).Oryoucanuse the phrases more as a gentle guide, returning to them if your attentionwanders. All the while, keep settling into the feeling of loving-kindness, inwhich there is boundless goodwill, generosity, and cherishing. You can useloving-kindness for deepening concentration: instead of becoming absorbed inthebreath,yousinkintoloving-kindness.Meanwhile,loving-kindnessissinkingintoyou;keeptakingitintoimplicitmemory,weavingitslovelythreadsintothefabricofyourbeing.When you try to offer loving-kindness to those in the category of “difficult

people,”it’snaturaltofindthisachallenge.First,establishsomecalm,stability,and spaciousness in your mind. Then work your way into it, starting with apersonwho is onlymildly difficult for you, such as a coworkerwho’s a littleannoyingbutalsohasalotofgoodqualities.

KindnessinDailyLife

Throughouttheday,deliberatelyandactivelybringkindnessintoyouractions,yourspeech,andmostofall,your thoughts.Try toencouragemore themesofkindness in the mini-movies running in the background of your mind, in thesimulator.Asthesimulator’sneuralnetworksincreasingly“fire”withmessagesofkindness,thatfeelingandstancetowardotherswillbecomemore“wired”intoyourbrain.Tryexperimentsinwhichyoubringloving-kindnesstosomeoneforaspecific

periodoftime—perhapsafamilymemberforanevening,oracoworkerduringameeting—andseewhathappens.Alsoactkindlytowardyourself—andseewhatthat’s like!My teacher, JackKornfield, sometimes encourages people to do a

yearofloving-kindnesstowardthemselves,whichisapowerfulpractice.

ACalltoLove

Acrossallfaithsandtraditions,everygreatteacherhasaskedustobelovingand kind. Lovingkindness is not about being nice in some sentimental orsuperficial way: it is a fearless, passionate cherishing of everyone andeverything, omitting none. Love is the jewel in the lotus, and it’s just asimportant aswisdom.Love is a profound path of practice in its own right, asseenintheBuddha’sreferenceto“theliberationofmindbyloving-kindness.”

TurningIllWilltoGoodwillKindness is relatively easywhen others treat youwell, or at least don’t harmyou. The acid test is to find your way to kindness even when you’ve beenmistreated. The Jataka Tales describe the Buddha’s (supposed) past lives asdifferent animals, when animals could talk. For an example of unconditionalloving-kindness,I’veadaptedastoryinwhichhe’sagorilla:

One day a hunter came into the forest, got lost, fell down adeep hole, and couldn’t climb out.He called for days, growinghungrierandweaker.Finally theBuddha-gorillaheardhimandcame.Seeingthesteepandslipperysidesofthehole,thegorillatold the man, “To carry you out safely, first I’m going to rollbouldersdownandpracticeonthem.”

The gorilla rolled several boulders into the hole, each onebigger than the last, and carried them all out. Finally he wasreadyfortheman.Afterstrugglingupward,pullingatrocksandvines,hepushedthemanout,andwithhislaststrength,crawledouthimself.

Themanlookedaround,veryhappytobeoutofthehole.Thegorilla lay beside him, panting. The man said, “Thank you,Gorilla.Canyouguidemeoutofthisforest?”Thegorillareplied,“Yes,Man, but first I must sleep for awhile to get my strength

back.”

Asthegorillaslept,themanwatchedhimandbegantothink:“I am very hungry. I can findmyway out of this forest onmyown.Thisisjustananimal.Icoulddroponeofthesebouldersonitshead,killit,andeatit.Whydon’tIdothat?”So theman lifteduponeof thebouldersashighashecould,

and threw it downhardon the gorilla’s head.Thegorilla criedoutinpainandsatupquickly,stunnedbytheblow,bloodpouringdownhisface.Asthegorillalookedatthemanandrealizedwhathadhappened, tearsgathered inhis eyes.He shookhishead insorrowandsaid,“PoorMan.Nowyou’llneverbehappy.”

Hateisneverconqueredbyhate.Hateisconqueredbylove.Thisisaneternallaw.—TheDhammapada

ReflectionsonGoodwillandIllWill

Thisstoryhasalwaystouchedmedeeply.Itgivesusalottothinkabout:

Goodwillandillwillareaboutintention:thewill isforgoodorill.Thegorillaintendedtobehelpful,andthemanintendedtokill.These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word anddeed, and—especially—thoughts. How do you feel when you senseanotherpersontakingpotshotsatyouinhermind?Whatdoesitfeelliketo takepotshotsofyourown?Illwillplaysa lotofmini-movies in thesimulator, those littlegrumbling storiesaboutotherpeople.Remember:whilethemovieisrunning,yourneuronsarewiringtogether.Illwill tries to justify itself:This is justananimal. In themoment, therationalizationssoundplausible, likethewhisperingsofWormtongueinThe Lord of the Rings. Only later do we realize howwe have trickedourselves.Thegorilla’sloving-kindnesswasitsownreward.Hewasnotburdened

withangerorhatred.Thefirstdartlandedintheformofaboulder;therewasnoneedtoaddinsulttoinjurywithaseconddartofillwill.Noneedeither,forthegorillatoseekretribution.Heknewthatthemanwouldneverbehappyasaresultofhisactions.StephenGaskin(2005)describeskarmaashittinggolfballs ina shower.Oftenourattemptsatpaybackjustgetinthewayofballsalreadyricochetingbacktowardthepersonwhosentthemflyinginthefirstplace.Letting go of ill will does not mean passivity, silence, or allowingyourselforotherstobeharmed.Thegorillawasnotcowedbytheman,andhenamedwhatwastheretobenamed.Thereisplentyofroomforspeakingtruthtopowerandforeffectiveactionwithoutsuccumbingtoillwill.ThinkofMahatmaGhandiorMartinLutherKing,Jr.Infact,withaclear mind and a peaceful heart, your actions are likely to be moreeffective.

TamingtheWolfofHate

Herearenumerousmethodsforcultivatinggoodwillandabandoningillwill.You’llbenaturallydrawntosomemorethanothers.Thepointisn’ttodoallofthem,buttoknowthatyouhavelotsofdifferentwaystotamethewolfofhate.

CULTIVATEPOSITIVEEMOTIONS

In general, really nourish and develop positive emotions such as happiness,contentment,andpeacefulness.Forexample,lookforthingstobehappyabout,and take in thegoodwheneverpossible.Positivefeelingscalmthebody,quietthemind,createabufferagainststress,andfostersupportiverelationships—allofwhichreduceillwill.

BEAWAREOFTHEPRIMING

Bemindfuloffactorsthatstimulateyoursympatheticnervoussystem—suchasstress,pain,worry,orhunger—andthusprimeyouforillwill.Trytodefusethisprimingearlyon:eatdinnerbefore talking, takeashower, readsomethinginspiring,ortalkwithafriend.

PRACTICENONCONTENTION

Don’targueunlessyouhaveto.Insideyourownmind,trynottogetswirledalong by the mind-streams of other people. Reflect on the neurologicalturbulenceunderlying their thoughts: the incrediblycomplicated,dynamic,andlargely arbitrary churning ofmomentary neural assemblies into coherence andthenchaos.Gettingupsetaboutsomebody’sthoughtsislikegettingupsetaboutspray fromawaterfall.Try todecoupleyour thoughts fromtheotherperson’s.Tellyourself:She’soverthereandI’moverhere.Hermindisseparatefrommymind.

BECAREFULABOUTATTRIBUTINGINTENTIONS

Becautiousaboutattributingintentionstootherpeople.Prefrontaltheory-of-mindnetworksattributeintentionsroutinely,buttheyareoftenwrong.Mostofthetimeyouarejustabitplayerinotherpeople’sdramas;theyarenottargetingyou in particular. Consider this parable from the Taoist teacher, Chuang Tzu(whichI’veupdated):

Imagine that you are relaxing in a canoe on a river, whensuddenlythereisahardthumpagainstthesideofit,dumpingyouintothewater.Youcomeupsputtering,andseethattwoteenagerswith snorkels have snuck up and tipped you over.How do youfeel?Next imagine that everything is the same—the canoe, the

suddendumpingintotheriver—exceptthistimewhenyoucomeup sputtering, you see that a huge submerged log has drifteddownstreamandsmackedintoyourcanoe.Nowhowdoyoufeel?

Formost people, the second scenario doesn’t feel as bad: the first dart stilllanded(you’redumpedintheriver),butthereisnoneedforseconddartsintheformofhurt andanger from feelingpickedonpersonally.Truly,manypeoplearelikelogs:it’swisetogetoutoftheirwayifyoucan—orreducetheimpact—butthey’renotaimingatyou.Consider,too,themanyfactorsupstreamthathaveledthemtodowhateverthey’vedone(seetheTenThousandThingsexercise).

TheTenThousandThings

Dothisexerciseatwhateverpaceyoulike,withyoureyesopenorclosed.

Relaxandsteadythemind,focusingonthebreath.

Pickasituationinwhichyoufeelsomeonehaswrongedyou.Bemindfulofyourreactions to this person, especially the deeper ones. Scan yourself for any illwill.

Nowreflectonsomeofthevariouscauses—thetenthousandthings—thathaveledthispersontoactinthewaythathehas.

Consider biologically based factors affecting him, like pain, age, innatetemperament,orintelligence.

Considertherealitiesofhis life:race,gender,class, job,responsibilities,dailystresses.

Considerwhateveryouknowabouthischildhood.Considermajoreventsinhislifeasanadult.

Considerhismentalprocesses,personality,values,fears,hotbuttons,hopes,anddreams.

Consider his parents in light of whatever you know or can reasonably guessaboutthem;consider,too,thefactorsthatmayhaveshapedtheirlives.

Reflectonthehistoricaleventsandotherupstreamforcesthathaveformedtheriverofcausesflowingthroughhislifetoday.

Lookinsideyourselfagain.Doyoufeelanydifferentlynowabouthim?Doyoufeelanydifferentlyaboutyourself?

BRINGCOMPASSIONTOYOURSELF

Assoonasyoufeelmistreated,bringcompassiontoyourself—thisisurgentcarefortheheart.Tryputtingyourhandonyourcheekorhearttostimulatetheembodiedexperienceofreceivingcompassion.

INVESTIGATETHETRIGGERS

Inspect the underlying trigger of your ill will, such as a sense of threat oralarm.Lookatitrealistically.Areyouexaggeratingwhathappenedinanyway?Areyoufocusingonasinglenegativethingamidstadozengoodones?

PUTTHINGSINPERSPECTIVE

Putwhateverhappened inperspective.Theeffectsofmost events fadewithtime.They’realsopartofalargerwhole,thegreatmajorityofwhichisusuallyfine.

PRACTICEGENEROSITY

Usethingsthataggravateyouasawaytopracticegenerosity.Considerlettingpeoplehavewhattheytook:theirvictory,theirbitofmoneyortime,theirone-upping.Begenerouswithforbearanceandpatience.

REGARDILLWILLASANAFFLICTION

Approach your own ill will as an affliction upon yourself so that you’ll bemotivatedtodropit.Illwillfeelsbadandhasnegativehealthconsequences;forexample, regular hostility increases the riskof cardiovascular disease.Your illwillalwaysharmsyou,butoftenithasnoeffectontheotherperson;astheysayintwelve-stepprograms:Resentment iswhenI takepoisonandwait foryoutodie.

STUDYILLWILL

Takeadayandreallyexamineeventheleastbitofillwillyouexperience.Seewhatcausesitandwhatitseffectsare.

SETTLEINTOAWARENESS

Settleintoawareness,observingillwillbutnotidentifyingwithit,watchingitariseanddisappearlikeanyotherexperience.

ACCEPTTHEWOUND

Life includes gettingwounded.Accept as a fact that peoplewill sometimesmistreatyou,whetheraccidentallyordeliberately.Ofcourse,thisdoesn’tmeanenablingotherstoharmyou,orfailingtoassertyourself.You’rejustacceptingthe facts on the ground. Feel the hurt, the anger, the fear, but let them flowthroughyou.Illwillcanbecomeawaytoavoidfacingyourdeepfeelingsandpain.

RELAXTHESENSEOFSELF

Relaxthesenseofself.Experimentwithlettinggooftheideathattherewasactuallyan“I”or“me”whowasaffrontedorwounded(seechapter13).

MEETMISTREATMENTWITHLOVING-KINDNESS

Traditionally, loving-kindness is considered thedirect antidote to illwill, soresolve tomeetmistreatmentwith loving-kindness.Nomatterwhat.A famoussutra in Buddhism sets a high standard: “Even if bandits were to sever yousavagely limb by limb with a two-handled saw…you should train thus: ‘Ourmindswill remainunaffected,andweshallutternoevilwords;weshallabidecompassionate for theirwelfare,withamindof loving-kindness,without innerhate’”(NanamoliandBodhi1995,223).Personally, I’m not there yet, but if it’s possible to stay lovingwhile being

horribly mistreated—and from some of the accounts of people in awfulcircumstances, it clearly is—then we should be able to rise up in lessersituations, like getting cut off in traffic or being put down yet again by ateenager.

COMMUNICATE

Totheextent that it’suseful,speakyour truthandstickupforyourselfwithskillful assertiveness. Your ill will is telling you something. The art is tounderstanditsmessage—perhapsthatanotherpersonisnotatruefriend,orthatyou need to be clearer about your boundaries—without being swept away byanger.

HAVEFAITHINJUSTICE

Asinthestoryofthegorillaabove,havefaiththatotherswillpaytheirownpriceonedayforwhatthey’vedone.Youdon’thavetobethejusticesystem.

DON’TTEACHLESSONSINANGER

Realizethatsomepeoplewon’tgetthelessonnomatterhowmuchyoutry.Sowhycreateproblemsforyourselfinapointlessefforttoteachthem?

FORGIVE

Forgivenessdoesn’tmeanchangingyourview thatwrongshavebeendone.Butitdoesmeanlettinggooftheemotionalchargearoundfeelingwronged.Thegreatestbeneficiaryofyourforgivenessisusuallyyou.(Formoreonthissubject,seeTheArtofForgiveness,Lovingkindness,andPeace by JackKornfield andForgiveforGoodbyFredLuskin.)

Loving-KindnessfortheWholeWorldInlightofourancienttendencytocollapsethefieldoflovetoasmallcircleof“us”surroundedby“them,”it’sgoodtocultivatethehabitofpushingthatcircleout—widening it ultimately to include the whole world. Here are somesuggestionsfordoingso.

ExpandingtheCategoryof“Us”

Bemindfuloftheautomaticmentalprocessesthatcauseyoutoidentifywithaparticular group (e.g., gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, political party,nation), and then regard members of different groups as others. Focus onsimilaritiesbetween“us”and“them,”notdifferences.Recognizethateverythingis connected to everything else, that “us” is thewholewideworld—that, in adeep sense, the entire planet is your home and the people on it is are yourextended family. Deliberately create mental categories that include you alongwithpeopleyouusuallyregardasnot-me;forexample,whenyouseesomeoneinawheelchair,thinkabouthowwearealldisabledinonewayoranother.Be particularlymindful of the default processes of valuing your owngroup

whiledevaluingothers(Efferson,Lalive,andFeh2008).Noticehowoftenthatvaluingactuallyhasnorationalbasis.Beawareofthelittlewaysthatyourmindregardsothersaslessofapersonthanyou—asan“It”toyour“I.”Focusonthegood things about people in other groups. Regard peoplemore as individualsthanasrepresentativesofagroup,whichreducesprejudice(Fiske2002).

ReducingtheSenseofThreat

Be mindful of any sense of threat. This feeling evolved to protect us inenvironments that were much more dangerous than anything most of us facetoday.Inreality,howlikelyisitthatotherpeoplewillactuallyharmyou?

MutualBenefit

Look for opportunities for cooperative exchanges with members of othergroups(e.g., sharingchildcare,doingbusiness).Whenpeopledependoneachother for their welfare, and come to experience each other as reliable andhonorable,it’salothardertoseeeachotherasenemies.

WarmingtheHeart

Reflectonthesufferingsomanypeopleendure.Reflect,too,onwhatothersmay have been like as young children—this will activate the warmth andgoodwillwenaturallyfeeltowardlittlekids.Remember the feeling you get around someone who loves you, which

stimulatesyourcapacitiestocareaboutothers.Next,calltomindtheexperienceof reallycaringaboutsomeonewho isan“us” toyou; thatprimesyourneuralcircuitstocareaboutsomeonewhocouldbea“them.”Thenextendthesenseof“us”toincludeeverylivingbeingonourplanet—asinthemeditationonloving-kindnessonthenextpage.

AMeditationonLoving-KindnessHereisanextendedmeditationonloving-kindness:

Findaposture thathelps you remain relaxedandalert. Settle into thebreath.Establishsomeequanimity,somementalspaciousnessandbalance.

Beawareofthesensationsofthebreathintheregionoftheheart.Bringtomindthefeelingofbeingwithsomeoneyoulove.

Keepfeelingthatlove.Sensethatloveflowingthroughyourheart,perhapsinarhythmwiththebreath.Feelhowthatlovehasalifeofitsown,flowingthroughyourheart,notspecifictoanyoneperson.

Senseyourlovetowardthepeopleyouknowwell,yourfriendsandfamily.Feela generous loving-kindness flowing through your heart in rhythm with thebreath.

Feel that loving-kindness extending farther outward, toward the many peopleyouknowwhoareneutraltoyou.Wishthemthebest,too.Wishthattheysuffer

less.Thattheybetrulyhappy.

Youmaysense this loving-kindness likeawarmthor light.Or likeaspreadingpool, with gentle waves extending farther and farther to include ever morepeople.

Feel your loving-kindness reaching out to include even difficult people; yourloving-kindness has a life and a strength of its own. Your loving-kindnessunderstandsthatmanyfactorsaffectedthesedifficultpeopleandledthemtobea problem for you. You wish that even people who have mistreated you maysufferless.Thatthey,too,maybetrulyhappy.

Thepeacefulnessandstrengthofthisloving-kindnessflowsoutwardeverfarthertoincludepeoplewhoyouknowexist,thoughyoudonotknowthempersonally.Sense loving-kindness for all the people living in your country today,whetheryouagreewiththemornot,whetheryoulikethemornot.

Takeafewminutes toexploreextendingyourloving-kindness to thebillionsofpeople livinghereonearth.Lovingkindness for someone somewhere laughing.Lovingkindness for someone crying. Lovingkindness for someone gettingmarried. Lovingkindness for someone caring for a sick child or parent.Lovingkindness for someoneworried.Lovingkindness for someonebeingborn.Lovingkindnessforsomeonedying.

Yourloving-kindnessisflowingcomfortably,perhapsinrhythmwiththebreath.Yourloving-kindnessisextendingtoalllivingbeingsonthisearth.Wishingthemallwell.Allkindsofanimals,inthesea,ontheearth,intheair:maytheyallbehealthyandatease.Wishingwelltoplantsofallkinds:maytheyallbehealthyand at ease. Wishing well to microorganisms of all kinds, the amoebas, thebacteria,eventheviruses:mayeverylivingbeingbeatease.

Sothatallbeingsare“us.”

Sothatallchildrenaremyown.

Alllife,myrelatives.

Thewholeearth,myhome.

Chapter10:KeyPoints

Ifcompassion is thewish thatsomeonenotsuffer,kindness is thewishthat he or she be happy. It has a loving quality to it, thus the term“loving-kindness.”When you practice kindness, you tame the wolf ofhateandnurturethewolfoflove.Therearemanywaystodothis;theyincludeformingtheintentiontobekind, translating this intention into specificgoodwishes,meditatingonloving-kindness,focusingonkindnessindailylife,andusingloveitselfasapathofpractice.It’s easy to be kind when others treat you well. The challenge is topreserve your loving-kindness when they treat you badly—to preservegoodwillinthefaceofillwill.Ithelpstorememberthatkindnessisitsownreward,thatconsequencesoften come to others without you needing to bring justice to themyourself,andthatyoucanbeassertivewithoutfallingintoillwill.There aremanyways to turn illwill to goodwill and tame thewolf ofhate.Becareful about the intentionsyouattribute toothers; take fewerthingspersonally;regardyourillwillasanafflictionuponyourselfthatyounaturallywant toberelievedof; resolve tomeetmistreatmentwithloving-kindness;communicateandassertyourself;andforgive.Extendthecircleof“us”toincludeasmuchoftheworldasyoupossiblycan.Bemindfulof automatic categorizations into“us”and“them”andlook for ways that “them” is actually “us”; notice whenever you feelthreatened, and consider whether there are actually any threats;consciouslywarmyourhearttowardothers;practiceloving-kindnessforthewholeworld.

PARTFOUR

WISDOM

chapter11

FoundationsofMindfulness

Theeducationofattentionwouldbeaneducationparexcellence.—WilliamJames

Weheartheword“mindful”moreandmorethesedays,butwhatdoesitactuallymean? Beingmindful simplymeans having good control over your attention:you can place your attentionwherever youwant and it stays there;when youwanttoshiftittosomethingelse,youcan.When your attention is steady, so is your mind: not rattled or hijacked by

whatever pops into awareness, but stably present, grounded, and unshakeable.Attentionislikeaspotlight,andwhatitilluminatesstreamsintoyourmindandshapesyourbrain.Consequently,developinggreatercontroloveryourattentionis perhaps the singlemost powerfulway to reshape your brain and thus yourmind.Youcantrainandstrengthenyourattentionjustlikeanyothermentalability

(Jha,Krompinger,andBaime2007;Tangetal.2007);thischapterandthenextonewillshowyoumanywaystodothis.Let’sstartbyexploringhowyourbrainpaysattention.

YourMindfulBrainTohelpananimalsurvive—especiallyacomplicatedanimallikeus—thebrainmanagestheflowofattentionbybalancingthreeneeds:keepinginformationinmind, changing the contents of awareness, and finding the right amount ofstimulation.

HoldingontoInformation

The brainmust be able to keep important information in the foreground ofawareness—suchasasuspiciousmovementinthegrassoftheAfricansavannah100,000yearsago,oraphonenumberyoujustheard.Mydissertationadvisor,BernardBaars(1997),developedtheinfluentialtheoryofaglobalworkspaceofconsciousness—orinplainerterms,thementalchalkboard.Whateveryoucallit,it’s a space that holds incoming information, old information retrieved frommemory,andmentaloperationsonboth.

UpdatingAwareness

Second, your brain must routinely update this chalkboard with newinformation,whether it comes from the environment or from your ownmind.For example, supposeyouglimpse a familiar face across a crowded roombutyoujustcan’tplaceit.Whenyoufinallyrecallthewoman’sname—JaneSmith,afriendofafriend—youupdatetheimageofherfacewiththatinformation.

SeekingStimulation

Third, your brain has a built-in desire for stimulation that likely evolved toprodourancestorstokeepseekingfood,mates,andotherresources.Thisneedissodeepthatinasensorydeprivationchamber(inwhichapersonfloatsonwarmsaltwaterinacompletelydarkandsilentspace),thebrainwillsometimesstarttohallucinateimageryjusttohavenewinformationtoprocess(Lilly2006).

ANeuralBalancingAct

Yourbraincontinuallyjugglesthesethreeaspectsofattention.Let’sseehowthisworks.When you hold something in mind, such as a presentation at work or the

sensationsofbreathing,thecorticalregionsthatsupportworkingmemory(akeycomponent of themental chalkboard) are relatively stable. To keep them thisway,akindofgateprotectsworkingmemoryfromalloftheotherinformationcoursing through the brain.When the gate is closed, you stay focused on onething.Whenanewstimuluscomesknocking—perhapsastartlingthought,orthesound of a bird—the gate pops open, allowing new information in to updateworkingmemory.Thenthegateclosesbehindit,keepingoutotherinformation.

(Of course, it’s actuallymorecomplicated than this; seeBuschmanandMiller2007;Dehaene,Sergent,andChangeux2003.)As long as the contents of working memory are moderately stimulating, a

steady stream of dopamine is produced, which keeps the gate closed. If thestimulation decreases significantly, the pulsing of dopamine-releasing neuronsslowsdown,allowingthegatetoopenandnewinformationtosurgein.Ontheotherhand,aspikeintherateofdopaminerelease—duetonewopportunitiesorthreats—will open the gate as well (Braver, Barch, and Cohen 2002; Cohen,Aston-Jones,andGilzenrat2005;O’Reilly2006).It’s an ingeniously simple system that produces complex results. To use an

example adapted from Todd Braver and Jonathan Cohen (2000), consider amonkeymunchingbananas in a tree.Steady eatingmaintains stable dopaminelevels andkeepshis focuson this tree.Butwhen thebananas start to runout,rewardsandthusdopaminelevelsdrop,andthoughtsaboutfoodinthattreenowpush into working memory. Or, if a friendly monkey swings onto a nearbybranch, dopamine spikes from this fresh stimulus also pop open the gate toawareness.Thisdopamine-drivensysteminteractswithanotherneuralsystem—basedin

thebasalganglia—thattriestobalancetherewardsofstimulation-seeking(newfood! new mates!) with its risks (exposure to predators, rivals, and otherhazards). The basal ganglia are a kind of “stimostat” that registers thestimulationcomingthroughthesensesorfromwithintheminditself.Aslongastheamountofstimulationremainsaboveacertainthreshold,there’snoneedtotriggerstimulation-seeking.Butwhenstimulationdropsbelowthisthreshold,thebasalganglia signalyourbrain togetmorenow—andyou findyourself beingprovocativeinaboringconversationorlostinthoughtwhilemeditating.

NeurologicalDiversityPeople vary a lot in their tendencieswith regard to holding onto information,updating awareness, and seeking stimulation (see the following table). Forexample,thenormalrangeoftemperamentincludesboththosewholikealotofnoveltyandexcitement,andthosewhopreferpredictabilityandquiet.Peopleatthe high or low end of this range often face challenges, especially inmodernsettingsthatrequiresustainedattentiontothingsthatmaynotbethatinteresting(e.g.,inschoolsorcorporateoffices).Forinstance,someonewhoseawarenessisvery easilyupdated—whosegate toworkingmemory isproppedwideopen—

hasahardtimescreeningoutirrelevantanddistractingstimuli.Whateveryourinnateinclinationsmaybe,yourattentionisalsoinfluencedby

your life experiences and culture. For example, contemporaryWestern culturestrains and sometimes overwhelms the brain with more information than itevolved tohandleonaroutinebasis.Ourculturealsohabituates thebrain toahyper-richstreamofstimulation—considervideogamesandshoppingmalls—sothatadropinthisstreamcanfeeldullandboring.Essentially,modernlifetakesthejumpy,distractible“monkeymind”weallstartedwithandfeedsitsteroids.Against this backdrop, other factors—such as motivation, fatigue, low bloodsugar,illness,anxiety,ordepression—canalsoaffectyourattention.

What’sYourPersonalProfile?

Each of us has a personal profile of attentional capacities, shaped bytemperament,lifeexperiences,culturalinfluences,andotherfactors.Takenasawhole,what are the strengths andweaknesses of your attention?Whatwouldyouliketoimprove?

Onepitfallisignoringthisprofile—orworse,beingashamedofit—andthentryingtofityourpersonalsquarepegintothegenericroundhole.Anotherpitfallisneverchallengingyour tendencies.Between these isamiddleway inwhichyoubothadaptyourwork,familysituation,andspiritualpracticestoyourownnature,andyoudevelopbettercontrolofyourattentionovertime.

IndividualizeYourApproach

Tousecontemplativepracticeasanexample,manytraditionalmethodsweredeveloped in times and cultures that had relatively low stimulation levels.Butwhat about people todaywho are used tomuchmore stimulation, particularlythoseatthespiritedendofthenormalrangeoftemperament?I’veseenpeoplelikethisgiveuponmeditationbecausetheyjustcouldn’tfindawaytodoitthatwouldfitwiththeirownbrain.In terms of its innate effects—distinct from how others react to a person

—neurological diversity is much more significant than variations of gender,race, or sexual orientation. If contemplative traditions are to increase thediversityoftheirpractitioners,theyneedtofindmorewaystowelcomediversekindsofbrains.Further,hereintheWest,weparticularlyneedtoindividualizecontemplative practices because there is a premium—in busy, “householder”lives—onmethodsthataretargeted,efficient,andeffective.Whether you want to be more focused at work, while talking with your

partner,orduringmeditation,giveyourselfpermissiontoadaptyourapproachtoyour own nature. Be compassionate about your personal challenges tomindfulness: they are not your fault, and the positive emotion of compassioncouldincreasedopaminelevelsandhelpsteadyyourmind.Next,considerwhichofthethreeaspectsofattentionismostchallengingfor

you:holdingsomethinginawareness,filteringoutdistractions,ormanagingthedesire for stimulation.For example:Doyouget tiredquicklywhenyou try toconcentrate?Doyouseem tohaveporous filters, so thatyougetdistractedbymanyof thesightsandsoundsaroundyou?Orareyou thesortofpersonwhoneedsarichdietofstimulation?(Orsomecombinationofthese?)Fortherestofthischapter,we’llexploregeneral-purposemethodsforgaining

greater control over your attention. Then, in the next chapter, we’ll use thepreeminent training in mindfulness—meditation—to improve your personalprofileofattentionabilities.

SetIntentionsUsethepowerofyourprefrontalcortextosetintentionstobemoremindful:

Establish a deliberate intention at the beginning of any activity thatrequires focus.UsestatementssuchasMaymymindbe steady.Or justcallupasilentfeelingofdetermination.Get a bodily sense of being someone you know who is extremelyfocused.Thatuses theempathysystems in thebrain to simulatewithinyourselfthemindfulnatureofthatotherperson.Keepreestablishingyourintentions.Forexample,ifyou’reinameeting,every fewminutesyoucould resolveanew to stay focused.Oneofmyfriendsusesalittledevicethatcanbesettovibrateatdifferentintervals;he leaves it in his pocket and gets a discrete wake-up call every tenminutes.Make the intention to be attentive the default setting of your life bydevelopingthehabitofeverydaymindfulness.

SupportsforEverydayMindfulness

Slowdown.Talkless.Whenyoucan,dojustonethingatatime.Reducemultitasking.Focusonyourbreathwhiledoingdailyactivities.Relaxintoafeelingofcalmpresencewithotherpeople.Useroutineevents—suchasthephoneringing,goingtothebathroom,ordrinking water—as “temple bells” to return you to a sense ofcenteredness.Atmeals, takeamomenttoreflectonwhereyourfoodcamefrom.Forexample,ifyouwerefocusingonthewheatinasliceofbread,youcouldimagine it growing in the fields and being harvested, threshed, stored,groundintoflour,bakedintoloaves,andshippedtoamarket,allbeforearriving on your plate. You can go pretty far with this in just a fewseconds.Youmightalsoimaginesomeofthepeoplewhohelpedturnthiswheat into your bread, and the equipment and technology involved, as

wellasourancientancestorswhoslowlyfiguredouthowtodomesticatewildgrains.Simplifyyourlife;giveuplesserpleasuresforgreaterones.

StayAwakeandAlertThe brain can’t be fully attentive unless it’s fully awake. Unfortunately, theaveragepersonissleep-deprived,gettingaboutanhourlesssleepadaythanthebody really needs.Try to get enough sleep (“enough”dependsonyour natureand factors such as fatigue, illness, thyroid problems, or depression). In otherwords,takecareofyourself.Strugglingtopayattentionwhenyou’retiredislikespurringanexhaustedhorsetokeeprunninguphill.Presuming you’re reasonably rested, several additional factors can increase

youralertness:

Sitting in an erect posture provides internal feedback to the reticularformation—a mesh-like network of nerves in the brain stem which isinvolvedwithwakefulnessandconsciousness—tellingitthatyouneedtostay vigilant and alert. This is a neurological reason behind aschoolteacher’sdemandsto“situpstraight,class!”aswellastheclassicmeditationinstructiontosituprightinadignifiedway.“Brightenthemind”isatraditionalphraseusedtodescribeinfusingyourawarenesswithenergyandclarity. In fact, toovercomedrowsiness, it’ssometimes suggested that you literally visualize light. Neurologically,this “brightening” likely involves a surgeof norepinephrine throughoutthe brain; that neurotransmitter—also triggered by the stress-responsecascade—isageneralorientingsignalthatfostersalertness.Oxygenistothenervoussystemwhatgasolineistoyourcar.Althoughjust2percentofbodyweight,yourbrainusesroughly20percentofyouroxygen.Bytakingseveraldeepbreaths,youincreaseoxygensaturationinyourbloodandthusrevupyourbrain.

QuiettheMindWhenthemindisquiet,fewerthingsbubbleuptodistractyouandit’seasierto

remainmindful. In chapter 5we exploredways to “cool the fires”; thesehelpquietthemindthroughrelaxingthebodyandcalmingemotionsanddesires.Themethods here focus on stilling the clamor of verbal thought—that endlesslynatteringvoiceinthebackofthehead.

BeAwareoftheBodyasaWhole

Some parts of the brain are linked by reciprocal inhibition: when one partactivates, it suppresses another one. To some extent, the left and righthemispheres have this relationship; thus, when you stimulate the righthemispherebyengagingtheactivitiesitspecializesin,theverbalcentersofthelefthemisphereareeffectivelyshushed.The right, visual-spatial hemisphere has the greater responsibility for

representingthestateofyourbody,soawarenessofthebodycanhelpsuppressleft-brainverbalchatter.Righthemisphereactivationincreasesfurtherwhenyousense thebodyasawhole,whichdrawsupon theglobal,gestaltprocessingofthathemisphere.To practice awareness of thewhole body, start with the breath as awhole;

rather than allow attention to move as it normally does, from sensation tosensation,trytoexperienceyourbreathasasingle,unifiedgestaltofsensationsinyourbelly,chest,throat,andnose.It’snormalforthisunifiedgestaltsensingto crumble after a second or two; when it does, just try to recreate it. Thenexpandawarenesstoincludethebodyasawhole,sensedasasingleperception,asonewholething.Thissenseofthebodyasawholewillalsotendtocrumblequickly,especiallyinthebeginning;whenitdoes,simplyrestoreitagain,ifonlyforafewseconds.You’llgetbetteratthiswithpractice,andwillevenbeabletodothisinthemiddleofeverydaysettingssuchasmeetings.Besides its benefits for quieting the verbal mind, whole body awareness

supportssingleness ofmind. This is ameditative state inwhich all aspects ofexperiencecometogetherasawholeandattentionisverysteady.Aswe’llseeinthenextchapter,thisisoneofthefactorsofdeepcontemplativeabsorption.

HushtheVerbalCenters

Sendagentle instruction to theverbal centers, somethingalong the linesofHush,now,it’stimetorelaxandbequiet.There’snothingimportanttotalkabout

rightnow.You’llhaveplentyoftimetotalklater,throughouttherestoftheday.In doing so, you use the power of prefrontal intention to bias verbal activitytowardrelativequiet.When(not if,alas) thevoices in theheadstartmutteringagain,repeattheinstructiontothem.Forexample:It’snottimeforchatter,youryammering is a burden on me, you can talk after this meeting/tax return/golfputt. Alternately, you might occupy your brain’s language centers with otherverbal activities, such as repeating a favorite saying,mantra, or prayer in thebackofyourmind.If you like, make an appointment with yourself to let your mind really

yammerafteryou’redonewiththeactivityyou’restayingfocusedon.Besuretokeepthisappointment—it’sweirdlyfunanddefinitelyinterestingtoampuptheverbalstreaminyourmind;ithelpsyouseehowarbitraryandmeaninglessmostofitis.

AbideasAwarenessItselfAs mindfulness stabilizes, you will rest more and more as awareness itself.Awareness contains mind-objects, a general term for any mental content,including perceptions, thoughts, desires, memories, emotions, and so on.Although mind-objects may dance busily with each other, awareness itself isneverdisturbed.Awareness isakindofscreenonwhichmind-objects register,like—intheZensaying—thereflectionsonapondofgeeseflyingoverhead.Butawarenessisneversulliedorrattledbythepassingshow.In your brain, the neural patterns represented within awareness are highly

variable, but the representational capacities themselves—the basis of thesubjective experience of awareness—are generally very stable. Consequently,restingasawarenessbringsabeautiful senseof innerclarityandpeace.Thesefeelingsaregenerallydeepestinmeditation,butyoucancultivateagreatersenseofabidingasawarenessthroughouttheday.Usethefollowingguidedreflectiontohelpyoudojustthat.

RestinginAwarenessRelax,withyoureyesopenorclosed.Settleintojustbeinghere,apeacefulbodybreathing.Observethesensationsofyourbreathcomingandgoing.Establishaclearsenseofobservingasdistinctfromthatwhichisobserved.

Observe the flowofmind-objectswithoutgettingdrawninto them;don’tchasemental carrots or strugglewith sticks.Have thoughts and so on, but don’t bethem: don’t identify with the contents of awareness. Watch the movie withoutsteppingintothescreen.

Allowexperiences tocomeandgowithoutattempting to influence them.Likesanddislikesmayariseregardingmind-objects;acceptthesepreferencesasjustmoremind-objects. See thatallmind-objectshave the samenature: they comeandtheygo.

Settle into thepresentmoment.Drop thepastand letgoof the future.Receiveeach moment without trying to connect one moment to the next. Abide aspresence,neitherrememberingnorplanning.There isnostraining,noseekingforanything.Nothingtohave,nothingtodo,nothingtobe.

Notice the gaps betweenmind-objects, a palpable way to discern the field ofawarenessdistinct from itscontents.Forexample,deliberately thinkaspecificthought, such as “there is breathing,” and then observe what is presentimmediately before and after the thought. See that there is a kind of peacefulreadiness,anunusedcapacity,afertilevacancy.

Notice the spacelike qualities of awareness: it is boundless, still and silent,empty until something appears, vast enough to hold anything, always presentand reliable, and never altered by the mind-objects passing through it likeshooting stars. But do not mistake any concept of awareness—which is justanother mind-object—for awareness itself. Keep returning to simply being,simplypresent,openingouttotheinfinite,withoutboundaries.

Gently explore other qualities of awareness; stay with your direct experienceinsteadofconceptualizingaboutawareness.Is thereakindof luminositytoit?Does awareness have a subtle compassion? Are mind-objects simplymodificationsofawarenessitself?

chapter11:KeyPoints

What flows through your attention sculpts your brain. Therefore,controllingyourattentionmaybethesinglemosteffectivewaytoshapeyour brain, and thus yourmind.You can train and strengthen attentionlikeanyothermentalability;mindfulnessiswell-controlledattention.Attention has three aspects to it: keeping information in awareness,updatingawarenesswithnewinformation,andseekingtherightamountofstimulation.Informationisheldinworkingmemory,whichhasakindofdopamine-based gate. Steady stimulation keeps the gate closed. The gate getsopenedbyeitheradecreaseoran increase instimulation,whichallowsnewinformationtosurgeintoworkingmemory,closingthegatebehindit.Additionally, the basal ganglia seek a certain amount of stimulation. Ifthe stream of stimulation you’re receiving is above that amount, all iswell, but if the stream dries to a trickle, the basal ganglia signal otherpartsofthebraintofindmorestimulation.There is a natural range of strengths and weaknesses with these threeaspects of attention; this is one aspect of neurological diversity. Eachpersonhashisorherownprofile.It’scompassionateandsensiblebothtoadaptyourwork,homelife,andspiritualpracticestoyourprofile,andtoimproveyourattentionovertime.General-purposewaystoimproveyourattentionincludeusingintention,stayingawakeandalert,quietingthemind,andabidingasawareness.

chapter12

BlissfulConcentration

Penetrativeinsightjoinedwithcalmabidingutterlyeradicatesafflictedstates.—Shantideva

Mindfulness brings insight and wisdom—and the best way to increase yourmindfulnessisthroughmeditation.It’sfineifyou’venevermeditatedbefore.Inbusinesses, schools, and hospitals here and around theworld, people are nowlearningmeditative practices to becomemore productive, pay better attention,heal faster, and feel less stressed. We’ll use meditation to explore multiplemethodsfortrainingyourattention;youcanapplythesemethodstoallsortsofnonmeditativesituationsaswell.

ThePowerofMeditationTheconcentrationthatyougainfrommeditationtakesthespotlightofattentionandturnsitintoalaserbeam.Concentrationisthenaturalallyofinsight,asyoucan see in this traditionalBuddhistmetaphor:We find ourselves in a forest ofignoranceandneedasharpmachetetoclearapathtoliberatingunderstanding;insight makes the blade sharp and concentration gives it power. The deepestlevelsofcontemplativeconcentrationarevalued inall traditions.Forexample,Buddhism’s Eightfold Path includes Wise Concentration, which is aboutdevelopingfourhighlyfocusedstatesofmindcalledjhanas.(Theseusuallytakededicatedpracticetoenter;thischapterisnotahow-tomanualforthejhanas.)

TheChallengesofMeditation

Meditationisagreatwaytopressuretestyourattentioninordertostrengthenit—preciselybecause itgoesagainst thegrainof the tendenciesweevolved tosurvive.

Considerfocusedattentionpractices,inwhichyoubecomeabsorbedinsomeobject,suchasthebreath.Animalsthatlockedtheirattentionontoonethingformanyminutesinarow,screenedeverythingelseout,anddroppedtheneedforstimulation—perhaps absorbed in the sunlight filtering through the leaves—wouldn’tnoticeominousslithersorshadowsnearby,andthuswouldn’tpassontheirgenes.Monkeymindisthetraditional,criticaltermforskittishattention—butthisisexactlywhathelpedourancestorsstayalive.Or consider open awareness meditation, where you practice choiceless

awarenessofwhatevercomes tomindwithoutbecomingengagedby it; this isequally contrary to our evolutionary nature. Sensations, emotions, desires, andothermind-objects are supposed toattract attention soyou’ll respond to them.Lettingthemrollbywithouthoppingonboardjustisn’tnatural.Appreciating these challenges will help bring some good humor and self-

compassiontoyoureffortstomeditate.

FiveFactorsofConcentration

Forthousandsofyears,peoplehaveinvestigatedhowtostrengthenattentionin the laboratory of contemplative practice. For example, Buddhism hasidentifiedfivekeyfactorsforsteadyingthemind:

Appliedattention—initialdirectingofattentiontoanobject,suchasthebeginningofthebreathSustainedattention—stayingfocusedontheobjectofattention,suchasremainingawareofanentireinhalationfrombeginningtoendRapture—intenseinterestintheobject;sometimesexperiencedasarushofblissfulsensationsJoy—gladdeningof theheart that includeshappiness,contentment,andtranquilitySingleness of mind—unification of awareness in which everything isexperienced as a whole; few thoughts; equanimity; a strong sense ofbeingpresent

Building on the general supports for mindfulness covered in the previouschapter,let’sexplorehowtodeveloptheneuralsubstratesofthesefivefactors.Withpractice,concentrationnaturallydeepensformostpeople(Lutz,Slager,et

al.2008).Whetheryou’renewtomeditationorit’salreadyanimportantpartofyour life, it’sgreat toknowthat there reallyare thingsyoucando insideyourbraintosteadyyourmind,evenallthewaytodeepmeditativeabsorption.Forsimplicity,we’llrefertosittingmeditationfocusedonthebreath,butyou

canadaptthesesuggestionstootherpractices(e.g.,yoga,chanting)andtootherobjects of attention (e.g., a mantra, loving-kindness). As your mind becomessteadier, bring this stability and focus to other types of contemplative practice(e.g.,insightmeditation,prayer,investigationofimpermanence)andtoeverydayactivities.The next three sections address applied and sustained attention, and the

differentweaknesses people havewith these.After that, we’ll explore raptureandjoy,and thensinglenessofmind.We’llconcludewithaguidedmeditationthatpullstogetherallfivefactors.

KeepingAttentiononItsObjectThesesuggestionswilldeepenyourengagementwiththecontentsofawarenessandthushelpkeepclosedthegatetoworkingmemory(discussedinthepreviouschapter):

Imagine a little guardianwhowatches howwell you arewatching thebreathandgivesyourattentionaboostif itstartstoflag.Thisguardian“lives”mainly in the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC),which comparesactualperformancewithagoal;theACCisthepartofyourbrainthat’smostinvolvedinapplyingandsustainingattention.Drawon the languagecentersofyourbrain throughcountingornotingthe breath. For example, softly, in the back of your mind, count eachbreathfrom1to10andthenstartover.Ifyoulosetrack,justbeginagainwith1.(Youcanalsocountdown,from10to1,startingoverwith10ifyou lose track.) If you’re ambitious, aim for ten sets of ten breathscounted,ahundredinallwithoutlosingtrack;ifyoulike,startwithyourhandsclosed,straighteningoutafingerforeachsetoften.Thiscanbeagreat way to start a meditation, bringing your mind to a settled placequitequickly.Alternately,gentlynoteyourexperience—forexample,thinking“in,out”for each breath. If it helps, softly note other mind-objects: “thinking,”

“memory,”“worrying,”“planning,”andsoon.Deepen your involvement with the breath through bringing warmth,fondness, and even devotion to it. Emotions for something naturallyintensify attention toward it, plus they engage the brain as a whole;consequently, more neural networks are involved with the object ofattention.

FilteringoutDistractionsHerearesomewaystopreservearelativelyquietspaceinyourmindbykeepingoutdistractingintruders:

Takeafewminutesat thestartofmeditationtoopenuptoandexplorethe sounds and other stimuli around you; do the samewith your innerworld. Paradoxically, inviting distractions in encourages them tomoveout.Droppingtheseconddartofresistancetothemreducestheamountofattentiontheyget.Additionally,thebraintendstobecomehabituatedtoasteadystimulusandstopsnoticingitafterawhile.Also,receivingsomethingcompletelyoftenhelps it topass throughthemindmorequickly.It’slikepeopleknockingonyourdoor:ifyouignorethem,theykeepatit,butwhenyouopenthedoor,theycomein,saytheirpiece, andusually leave.Youcanhelp themon theirwaybyusing thesoft noting technique described above(e.g., “traffic noises…irritation”).Allowingsomethingtoemergefullyinawarenessenablesitslatent pattern of neural activity to emerge fully as well.Message nowdelivered, that neural coalition no longer needs to press forward, nolonger needs to compete with other coalitions for center stage. And,havingarrivedandmadeitscommunication,itwillnowbesubjecttothepowerfulprocessesthatkeeptryingtoupdateworkingmemory—whichwill usuallywipe themental chalkboard clean after awhile inorder tomakewayforanewcoalition.After thesenseofdistractionhasdiminished, refocusonyourobjectofattention(oronwhatevermeditationyou’redoing).Ifdistractionsreturn,youcanalwaysopentothemagainforafewminutes.Alternatively,gentlybatawaydistracting thoughtsat theearliest stagesof their development and keep falling back into your breath. You are

disrupting the formation of neural coalitions before they completelyconsolidate.Remindyourselfthatyoucanthinkaboutotherthingslater;tellyourselfyou’vemadeanappointment tomeditateandyouhave tokeep it.Thisuses the capacity of the prefrontal cortex to exert top-down influenceover the stream of perception and thought (Engel, Fries, and Singer2001).Observe how everything moving through the mind is a passing show,with transient performers endlesslybumpedoff the stagebynewones.Whygetcaughtupwithonethingwhenyouknowit’llsoonbereplacedbysomethingelse?Ifallelsefails,makethedistractionitselftheobjectofattentionforthismeditation period. One time, when I was trying to concentrate on thebreath,Ikeptbeingdistractedbyaloudairconditioner.Afterawhile,Igave up and switched to that sound—and gradually became prettyabsorbedinit.

ManagingtheDesireforStimulationThe following methods increase the stimulation of meditation, and they’reparticularlyusefulforpeoplewithaspiritedtemperament.Theartistousethemonly as long as they’re needed to steady themind, not as an escape from thedisciplineofmeditation.

The brain intensifies attention in response to novelty. So notice theindividualqualitiesofeachbreath.Drawinnewinformationbypayingattentiontodetails,suchasthesensationsatdifferentspotsontheupperlip.Focus onmultiple sensations in a large area of your body, such as thechest. Or notice how breathing creates sensations all over your body,suchassubtlemovementsinyourhipsandhead.Break the breath into small parts so there’smore to notice. Inhalation,exhalation,andthelittlepauseinbetween—that’sthreepartsrightthere.Ordivideeachinhalationandexhalationfurther.(Youcanapplysimilarmethodstowalkingmeditationandotherpractices.)Do walking meditation, which provides more stimulation than sitting

quietly.Oruserelatedpracticesformeditation,suchasyogaortaichi.Open to feelings of sufficiency and contentment. This both increasesstimulation and conveys the message that you are full as you are anddon’tneedtoreachforanythingelse.Since theneutral feeling tone isnotstimulating, itprompts themind togoscurryingofflookingforaction.Sowatchwhatyourminddoeswithneutral mind-objects, and increase their stimulation by softly noting”neutral.”

RaptureandJoyNow let’s explore thenext two factorsof absorption: rapture and joy.Positivefeelings like these help concentrate attention by causing steadilyhightransmissionsofdopamine to theneural substrateofworkingmemory.Aswesaw in thepreviouschapter, thegate toworkingmemory—and thus to thefieldofawareness—popsopenbothwhendopamineslumpsandwhenitspikes.Steadilyhighdopamine—likefrompositivefeelings—preventsslumps.Further,when dopamine-releasing neurons are already near their peak firing rate, it’shardtogetaspike—they’reneartheirceilingandcan’tgetmuchhigher.Thus,the more enjoyable and intense your feelings are, the greater the dopaminerelease—andthemoreconcentratedyourattention.Inotherwords,whetheryouaregoingdeepintomeditativecontemplationor

justtryingtokeepyoureyesopeninanafternoonmeeting,happinesscanreallyhelp. Personally, I have found the intensification of positive emotions duringmeditation tobeawonderfulpractice: it feelsgreat, it increasesconcentration,anditnourishesastrongfeelingofwell-beingthroughouttheday.Here are some ways to intensify rapture and joy. Try them first in your

meditation,andthenexperimentwiththemineverydaysituations.

Noticeraptureandjoywhentheyemergeontheirown.Opentothemandinvitethemin.Think to yourself: May rapture (bliss) arise. May joy (happiness,contentment, tranquility)arise. Ina relaxedway, intend for raptureandjoytoarise.Integrate rapture and joy with the sensations of the breath. Let blissbreatheyou,letthebreathbetranquil.

Makeraptureor joy thenewobjectofyourattention,and thenbecomeincreasinglyabsorbedinthatstateofbeing.Joy encompasses happiness, contentment, and tranquility; explore eachone of these. In particular, tranquility is one of the seven factors ofenlightenmentinBuddhism,anditalsoleadstoconcentration.Thissenseof great peace and quiet—like a still, glassy pond—is really worthknowingandcultivating.Be mindful of the nuances of rapture, happiness, contentment, andtranquility.Getaclearsenseofeachstatesoyoucancallittomindinthefuture.Overtime,itisnaturalforapersontobedrawnincreasinglyawayfromtheintensityofrapturetowardthesubtlerbutmoresublimerewardsofhappiness,contentment,andtranquility.Experiment with gently intensifying these states of mind, perhaps inconcertwithasubtlequickeningofthebreath.Thereisanaturalrhythmin which a state gets stronger for seconds, maybe minutes, and thensettlesbackdown—andthenyoucanintensifyitagain.Overthecourseofyourmeditation,itoftenworkstomovefromraptureto happiness to contentment to tranquility. Then, as the meditationapproachesitsend,reversethejourneystepbystepratherthanhoppingstraightfromtranquilitytorapture.Ingeneral, find the sweet spotwhereyouare just activeenough insideyourmindtoencouragethesevariousstates,butyou’renotoverdirectingyourmindorattachedtoanyparticularresult.

SinglenessofMindSingleness of mind involves the unification of awareness, grounded in adeepening absorption in the object of attention.Thoughts areminimal and themindisverysteady.Youfeelverypresent,withagrowingsenseofequanimity.

Ifthereisnostillness,thereisnosilence.

Ifthereisnosilence,thereisnoinsight.

Ifthereisnoinsight,thereisnoclarity.

—TenzinPriyadarshi

Thisstate isprobablyassociatedwith thehigh-frequencygammawaves thatareseeninexperiencedmeditators(Lutzetal.2004).Asapersongoesdeeperinto meditation, there appears to be both a spreading and a strengthening ofgammawaveactivity,whichpresumablyunderliestheexperienceofagrowingspaciousnessandstabilityofawareness.Singleness ofmind tends to follow naturally from the other four factors of

concentration.Youcanalsoencourageitinseveraladditionalways.First,aswediscussed earlier, whole body awareness stimulates the holistic, gestaltprocessingoftherighthemisphere,andthushelpsunifythemind.Toexperiencewholebodyawareness,startbygettingasenseofthebreathingasawhole,andthen extend that sensing to include the body as one unified whole; if theexperiencecrumbles,justkeepregeneratingituntilit’smorestable.Second,giveyourselfovertothepresentmomentasitis.Dropthepastandthefuture;forthistime,inthismeditation,renounceworrying,planning,orfantasizing.Nurtureacontinuityofhere-and-nowpresence.Third, relax the senseofpersonal selfasmuchasyoucan(we’llexplorethisfurther inthenextchapter).Toomuch“I”will just distract and divide you from the beautiful depth of being that issingleness.

ConcentrationMeditationNomatterwhere you start, you canbecomebetter at concentration. It’s like amuscle: when you use it, it gets stronger. When your mind wanders, as itinevitablywill,trynottobeself-critical;simplyreturntoawarenessofthenextbreath.AstheBuddhistteacherJosephGoldsteinsays,berelaxedbutnotcasual.It’snotwhathappened in thepast thatmattersbutwhatyoudonow.You canalwaysreapplyyourattentiontothebreathandsustainit.Youcanalwaysopentoraptureandjoy.Andyoucanalwaystipfartherintosinglenessofmind.TheBuddhaofferedakindofroadmapforcontemplativepractice:steadythe

mind,quietit,bringittosingleness,andconcentrateit.We’llusethisasaguide

for thefollowingmeditation,whichdrawsonthesupportsformindfulnessandconcentration covered in this chapter and previous ones. You can also adapttheseinstructionsforothermeditationsormindfulnessactivities.

TheMeditationFindacomfortableposture,onethatisbothrelaxedandalert.Closeyoureyesorleavethemopen,gazingafewfeetinfrontofyou.

Beawareofsoundscomingandgoing.Awareofsensationsinyourbody.Awareof thoughts and feelings. Notice anything that is particularly distracting; bemindfulofthisdistractionforawhileandthenseeifyoucanshiftyourfocustothebreath.

Form an intention for your meditation, perhaps with words or perhapswordlessly.Imaginebeingsomeoneveryfocused,eitherapersonyouknoworahistoricalfigureliketheBuddha.

Really relax. Take a big inhalation and then exhale fully, feeling the tensionleave your body. Be aware of the internal sensations of breathing, cool aircominginandwarmairgoingout,thechestandbellyrisingandfalling.Don’ttry tocontrol thebreath inanyway, just let itbewhat it is.Stayawareof thebreaththroughoutthemeditation,usingitasakindofanchor.

Feelassafeasyoucan.You’reinaprotectedsetting,stronginyourself,abletorelaxvigilanceandbringattentioninward.

Findsomecompassionforyourself.Bringtomindotherpositivefeelingsaswell,includingsoftonessuchasgratitude.

Sensethebenefitsofthismeditationsinkingintoyou,nurturingandhelpingyou,gentlyincliningyourmindandbraininanevermorewholesomedirection.

All right. For the next five minutes or more, try to stay present with eachindividualbreathfrombeginningtoend.Imaginealittleguardianinyourmindwho iswatchingyourattentionandwill let youknowrightaway if it starts towander.Giveyourselfovertoeachbreathandabandoneverythingelse.Letgoofthepast,letgoofthefuture,andbepresentwitheachbreath.

Findaplacewherethephysicalsensationsofbreathingareprominent,suchasthe chest or upper lip.At the beginning of each inhalation, apply attention to

thesesensations.Thensustainattentiontothemfrombeginningtoend.Beawareof the space between inhalation and exhalation. Then apply attention to theexhalationandsustainattentiontoitallthewaytoitsend.

Ifithelps,counteachbreathgentlyinyourmind,fromonetoten,startingoverifyoulosetrack.Orsoftlynotethebreath,“In,out.”Asconcentrationdeepens,letthesewordsfallaway.

Give yourself over to the breath, renouncing all else during this meditation.Knowthesensationsineachbreath.Breathingin,knowthatyouarebreathingin.Breathingout,knowthatyouarebreathingout.

All right.Beawareof any feelingsof raptureor joy.Open to themand invitethemin.Mayblissarise.Mayhappinessarise.Shiftyourattentiontothemforawhile.Asyoucan,intensifyfeelingsofraptureandjoy.Perhapsbreathealittlefaster.Ifyouexperiencethem,allowrushesofblisstomovethroughyourbody.

Let yourself feel very happy, very content, very tranquil. Explore the distinctqualities of rapture, happiness, contentment, and tranquility. Becomeincreasinglyabsorbedinthesestates.

Bringraptureandjoyintoyourbreath,deepeningyourabsorptionfurther,reallysteadyingyourmind.

All right.Yourmind is getting veryquiet.Attention is absorbedmainly inoneobject,suchasthesensationsofthebreathattheupperlip.Fewverbalthoughtscome,andtheypassquickly.There’sagreattranquility.There’sanawarenessofbreathingasawhole,allthesensationsofthebreathunifiedasawhole.Thenanawarenessofthebodyasawhole.Sensethewholebodyshiftingslightlywiththebreath.You’renotmovingfororagainstanythingpassingthroughthemind.Ifsomethingseemsabouttodisturbthepeace,letifpassandrelaxintothequiet.

Allright.Yourmindiscomingintosingleness.Thereisawarenessofthebodyasawhole,ofexperienceasawhole.Fewthoughts,maybenoneatall.Asenseofboundaries and barriers falling away within your mind. No resistance toanything. Utterly letting go. Feel a growing unification spreading andstrengtheninginyourmind.Maysinglenessarise.

Allow states of mind to occur that may be unfamiliar in their fullness andprofundity.Letgoofanythoughts.Settledeeperinto thebreath,becomingonewith the breath.Absorption in the breath is increasingly effortless.Nothing toreach for,nothing tobe.Allow insight toarise, seeing intoexperienceand the

mindand theworld.Little remnantsof craving fall away.You’repeaceful andfree.

Allright.Whenyoulike,graduallybringthemeditationtoanend.Gentlyreturnfromwhereveryouare to tranquility, thencontentment, thenhappiness, thenatasteofrapture, thenamoreeverydaystateofmind.Takeyourtime.Begentlewithyourself.

Maythispeacefulnessandsteadinessofmindsinkintoyourbeing,becomingapartofyou.Mayitnurtureyouandallthosearoundyou.

chapter12:KeyPoints

Mindfulnessleadstowisdom,andthebestwaytoincreasemindfulnessismeditation.Besides its benefits for productivity, learning, and health, meditationconcentratesthemindforcontemplativepractice;concentrationsupportsdeep and liberating insight into both the causes of suffering and thecausesofgreathappinessandpeace.In Buddhism, there are five traditional factors that steady the mind:applied attention, sustained attention, rapture, joy, and singleness ofmind.Weexploredmanywaystostrengthentheirneuralsubstrates.Weaddresseddifficultieswithappliedandsustainedattentionintermsofthe three aspects of attention: holding onto its object, filtering outdistractions,andmanagingthedesireforstimulation.Rapture and joy help concentrate attention by causing steadily hightransmissionsofdopamine;thesekeepthegatetoworkingmemoryshutsoyoucanbecomeincreasinglyabsorbedwithwhat’sinside.Singleness of mind is probably supported by fast gamma wavesynchronizationoflargeareasofthebrain.Youcanencouragethisstatethrough the other four factors of concentration, plus whole bodyawareness,surrenderingtothemoment,andrelaxingthesenseofself.

chapter13

RelaxingtheSelf

TostudytheWayistostudytheself.Tostudytheselfistoforgettheself.Toforgettheselfistobeenlightenedbyallthings.

—Dogen

Nowwecometoperhapsthesinglegreatestsourceofsuffering—andthereforetowhatit’smostimportanttobewiseabout:theapparentself.Lookintoyourownexperience.Whenyoutakethingspersonally—orhunger

forapproval—whathappens?Yousuffer.Whenyouidentifywithsomethingas“me”or try topossesssomethingas“mine,”yousetyourselfup forsuffering,since all things are frail andwill inevitably pass away.When you stand apartfromotherpeopleandtheworldas“I,”youfeelseparateandvulnerable—andsuffer.Ontheotherhand,whenyourelaxthesubtlesenseofcontractionatthevery

nub of “me”—when you’re immersed in the flow of life rather than standingapartfromit,whenegoandegotismfadetothebackground—thenyoufeelmorepeacefulandfulfilled.Youmayhaveexperiencedthisunderastarrynightsky,attheedgeofthesea,orwhenyourchildwasborn.Paradoxically,thelessyour“I”ishere, thehappieryouare.Or,asbothBuddhistmonksandinmatesondeathrowsometimessay:“Noself,noproblem.”Atsomepoint in life,weallaskthesamequestion:WhoamI?Andnoone

reallyknowstheanswer.Theselfisaslipperysubject—especiallywhenit’sthesubjectthatisregardingitselfasanobject!Solet’sbeginbygroundingthisairytopic with an experiential activity—taking the body for a walk. Then we’llinvestigate thenatureof theself inyourbrain.Last,we’llexploremethodsforrelaxingand releasing“self-ing” inorder to feelmoreconfident,peaceful,andjoinedwithallthings.(Formoreonthisprofoundmatter,whichreachesbeyondthescopeofasinglechapter,seeLivingDhammabyAjahnChah,TheBook:OntheTabooAgainstKnowingWhoYouArebyAlanWatts,IAmThat:TalkswithSriNisargadattaMaharaj,orTheSpiritualTeachingofRamanaMaharshi.)

TakingtheBodyforaWalkTry to do this exercise with as little sense of “I” as possible. If you becomeuncomfortable in any way, focus your attention on basic physical sensations,suchasinyourfeetorhands.Exercise

Relax.Beawareofyourbodybreathing.

Establish the intention to let goof the self asmuchas you can, and seewhatthat’slike.

Beawareofbreathing.Bebreathing.There’snothingelsetodo.Noneedfortheselftodoanything.

Feel as safe as possible. Relax any sense of threat or aversion. No need tomobilizetheselfforprotection.

Feelpeacefulnessrisingandfallingwitheachbreath.Noneedforselftograspatanypleasure.

Keep letting go. Let go with every exhalation. Let go of the self with everyexhalation.

Relaxanycontrolofbreathing.Letthebodymanagebreathing,justlikeitdoesduringsleep.

Breathing continues. Awareness continues. There is spacious awareness withlittle senseof self.Peacefulandpleasant, noneed for self.Awarenessand theworldgoingon,doingallrightwithoutaself.

Slowlymovethegazearound.Sightsneednoselftoreceivethem.

Exploresmallmovements,withoutaselfdirectingthem.Afingermovesalittle,weightshiftsinthechair.Intentionspromptthosemovements,butno“I”needstoguidethem.

Gently stand up without self guiding the standing. There is awareness ofstandinghere,butdoesthereneedtobeaselfhere?

Move a little while standing, perceptions and movements happening withoutneedinganownerordirectorofthoseexperiences.

Then explorewalking about, slowly or quickly.Without needing self to do so.

Perceptions and movements occurring without anyone identifying with thoseexperiences.Takeafewminutesforthis.

After awhile, sit down again. Rest in breathing, simply present, being aware.Thoughts about the self, or thoughts from the perspective of “I,” are justcontentsofawarenesslikeanyother,notspecialinanyway.

Relax and breathe. Sensations and feelings are just contents of awarenessarising and dispersing. Self, too, arises and disperses in awareness, not aproblematall.Justselfcomingandgoingasitmay.Noproblematall.

Relaxandbreathe.Seewhat’spresentwhenselfisabsent.

Relaxandbreathe.Noproblematall.

ReflectionsIt may be a little hard tomove back into the realm of verbal thought.Whilereadinghere,explorethesenseofwordscomprehendedwithoutaselfdoingthecomprehending.Noticethatthemindcanperformitsfunctionsjustfinewithoutaselfincharge.Lookingbackontheexercise:

What was the experience of self, “I,” or “mine?”What does self feellike? Is it a pleasant or unpleasant experience? Is there a sense ofcontractionwhenselfincreases?Is it possible to domanymental and physical activities without muchsenseofself?Was the self always the same, or did different aspects come to theforefront at different times?Did the intensity of the self change, too—wasthesenseof“I”sometimesstrongandsometimessubtle?Whatledtheselftochange?Whateffectsdidfearorangerhave,orotherthoughts of threat?What effects did desire have, or other thoughts ofopportunity? What effects did other people either encountered orimagined have?Does the self exist independently, or does it arise andchangedependingoncausesandconditions?

SelfinYourBrainTheexperiencesofselfyoujusthad—thatithasmanyaspects,isjustpartofthewhole person, is continually changing, and varies according to conditions—depend on the physical substrates of self in your brain. Thoughts, feelings,images, and so on exist as patterns of information represented by patterns ofneuralstructureandactivity.Inthesameway,thevariousaspectsoftheapparentself—andtheintimateandpowerfulexperienceofbeingaself—existaspatternsinthemindandbrain.Thequestionisnotwhetherthosepatternsexist.Thekeyquestionsare:Whatistheirnature?Anddoesthatwhichthosepatternsseemtostandfor—an“I”whoistheunified,ongoingownerofexperiencesandagentofactions—truly exist? Or is self like a unicorn, a mythical being whoserepresentationsexistbutwhoisactuallyimaginary?

SelfHasManyAspects

The many aspects of self are based on structures and processes spreadthroughout the brain and nervous system, and embedded in the body’sinteractions with the world. Researchers categorize those aspects of self, andtheirneuralunderpinnings,inavarietyofways.Forexample,thereflectiveself(“Iamsolvingaproblem”)likelyarisesmainlyinneuralconnectionsamongtheanteriorcingulatecortex,upper-outerprefrontalcortex(PFC),andhippocampus;the emotional self (“I am upset”) emerges from the amygdala, hypothalamus,striatum (part of the basal ganglia), and upper brain stem (Lewis and Todd2007).Differentpartsofyourbrainrecognizeyourfaceingroupphotos,knowaboutyourpersonality,experiencepersonalresponsibility,andlookatsituationsfromyourperspectiveratherthansomeoneelse’s(GillihanandFarah2005).Theautobiographical self (D’Amasio 2000) incorporates the reflective self

andsomeoftheemotionalself,anditprovidesthesenseof“I”havingauniquepast and future. The core self involves an underlying and largely nonverbalfeelingof“I” thathas little senseof thepastor the future. If thePFC—whichprovidesmost of theneural substrateof the autobiographical self—were tobedamaged,thecoreselfwouldremain,thoughwithlittlesenseofcontinuitywiththepastorfuture.Ontheotherhand,ifthesubcorticalandbrainstemstructureswhich the core self relies upon were damaged, then both the core andautobiographicalselveswoulddisappear,whichsuggeststhatthecoreselfistheneural and mental foundation of the autobiographical self (D’Amasio 2000).Whenyourmind is veryquiet, the autobiographical self seems largely absent,

whichpresumablycorrespondstoarelativedeactivationofitsneuralsubstrate.Meditationsthatstill themind,suchastheconcentrationpracticesweexploredin the previous chapter, improve conscious control over that deactivationprocess.Theself-as-objectariseswhenyoudeliberatelythinkaboutyourself—“Would

IrathereatChineseorItalianfoodtonight?HowcomeI’msoindecisive?”—orwhen associations to yourself spontaneously arise in awareness. Theserepresentations of “me” are contents within a narrative that strings togethermomentarysnapshotsofself intoakindofmovieofaseeminglycoherentselfovertime(Gallagher2000).Narrativeself-referencingreliesonmidlinecorticalstructures (Farb et al. 2007), as well as on the junction of the temporal andparietal lobes, and on the back end of the temporal lobe (Legrand and Ruby2009).Theseregionsofyourbrainperformnumerousotherfunctions,too(e.g.,thinkingaboutotherpeople,makingevaluations), so theycannotbesaid tobespecificallyrelatedtotheself(LegrandandRuby2009).Representationsoftheselfflitthroughthemamidstallsortsofothermentalcontents,jostlingtogetherlikedifferenttwigsandleavesinastream,apparentlywithoutanyneurologicallyspecialstatus.More fundamentally, the self-as-subject is the elemental sense of being an

experiencer of experiences. Awareness has an inherent subjectivity, alocalization to a particular perspective (e.g., to my body, not yours). Thatlocalizationisgroundedinthebody’sengagementwiththeworld.Forexample,whenyouturnyourheadtoscanaroom,whatyouseeisspecificallyrelatedtoyourownmovements.Thebrainindexesacrossinnumerableexperiencestofindthecommonfeature:theexperiencingoftheminoneparticularbody.Ineffect,subjectivity arises from the inherent distinction between this body and thatworld;inthebroadestsense,subjectivityisgeneratednotonlyinthebrainbutintheongoinginteractionsthebodyhaswiththeworld(Thompson2007).Then thebrain indexesacrossmomentsofsubjectivity tocreateanapparent

subject who– over the course of development, from infancy to adulthood– iselaborated and layered through thematurationof the brain, notably regions ofthe prefrontal cortex (Zelazo, Gao, and Todd 2007). But there is no subjectinherent in subjectivity; in advanced meditation practices, one finds a bareawarenesswithoutasubject(Amaro2003).Awarenessrequiressubjectivity,butitdoesnotrequireasubject.In sum, from a neurological standpoint, the everyday feeling of being a

unifiedselfisanutterillusion:theapparentlycoherentandsolid“I”isactuallybuilt from many subsystems and sub-subsystems over the course of

development, with no fixed center, and the fundamental sense that there is asubject of experience is fabricated from myriad, disparate moments ofsubjectivity.

SelfIsJustOnePartofaPerson

Aperson is a human body-mind as a whole, an autonomous and dynamicsystem that arises in dependence upon human culture and the natural world(Mackenzie 2009). You’re a person and I’m a person. Persons have histories,values,andplans.Theyaremorallyculpableandreaptheconsequencesofwhattheysow.Thepersongoesonbeingaslongasthebodyisaliveandthebrainisreasonably intact. But as we’ve seen, self-related mental contents have nospecial neurological status and are just part of the ongoing stream of mentalactivity.Whateveraspectofselfthatismomentarilyactiveengagesonlyasmallfractionof thebrain’smanynetworks (Gusnardet al2001;LegrandandRuby2009).Eventhoseaspectsofselfthatarestoredinexplicitandimplicitmemorytakeuponlyaportionofthebrain’sstorehouseofinformationabouttheworld,perceptualprocessing,skilledaction,andmore.Theself is justonepartof thewholeperson.Further, most aspects of a person can buzz merrily along without an “I”

directingthem.Forexample,mostofyourthoughtsarisewithoutanydeliberatecreation.Weallroutinelyengageinmanymentalandphysicalactivitieswithout“I” making them happen. In fact, often the less self the better, since thatimprovesmanykindsoftaskperformanceandemotionalfunctioning(KochandTsuchiya2006;Leary,Adams,andTate2006).Evenwhenitseemsliketheselfhasmade a conscious decision, that choice is often the result of unconsciousfactors(Galdi,Arcuri,andGawronksi2008;Libet1999).Inparticular,awarenessdoesnotneedaselftooperate.Aspectsofselfarise

anddispersewithinawareness,butawarenesspersistsasafieldofconsciousnessindependentofthevicissitudesofself.Toexperiencethis,bemindfulofthefirstsecondortwoofhearingorseeingsomethingnew.Atfirstthereisoftenjustthebarest perception crystallizing in awareness, with no sense of a being, an “I”whoisperceivingit;thenit’spossibletoobserveagrowingsenseofselflinkedto the perception, particularly if it is personally significant. But it is directlyapparentthatawarenesscandoitsjobwithoutasubject.Weroutinelypresumethat there is a subject of consciousness because consciousness entailssubjectivity, as we saw above, and the brain indexes across moments of

subjectivitytofindanapparentsubject.Butsubjectivityisjustawaytostructureexperience;it’snotanentity,aghostlybeinglookingoutthroughyoureyes.Infact,observingyourownexperienceshowsthattheself—theapparentsubject—often comes in after the fact. Inmanyways, the self is like someone runningbehind a parade that is already well under way, continually calling out: “SeewhatIcreated!”

SelfKeepsChanging

Asdifferentpartsofselfcomeforwardandthengivewaytootherparts,sodothemomentaryneuralassembliesthatenablethem.Iftheenergyflowsoftheseassembliescouldbeseenasaplayoflight,anextraordinaryshowwouldmoveendlessly about your head. In the brain, every manifestation of self isimpermanent.Theselfiscontinuallyconstructed,deconstructed,andconstructedagain.The self seems coherent and continuous because of how the brain forms

conscious experience: imagine a thousand photographs overlaying each other,eachonetakingafewsecondstodevelopintoaclearpictureandthenfadeout.Thiscompositeconstructionofexperiencecreatestheillusionofintegrationandcontinuity,muchliketwenty-twostaticframespersecondcreatethesemblanceofmotioninamovie.Consequently,weexperience“now”notasathinsliveroftime inwhich each snapshot of experience appears sharply and ends abruptly,butasamovingintervalroughly1–3secondslongthatblursandfadesateachend(Lutzetal.2002;Thompson2007).Itisnotsomuchthatwehaveaself,it’sthatwedoself-ing.AsBuckminster

Fullerfamouslysaid,“Iseemtobeaverb.”

SelfDependsonConditions

At anymoment, the parts of self that are present depend onmany factors,including genetic heritage, personal history, temperament, and situations. Inparticular,selfdependsalotonthefeelingtoneofexperience.Whenthefeelingtone is neutral, the self tends to fade into the background. But as soon assomethingdistinctlypleasantorunpleasantappears—forexample,aninterestingemail or a physical pain—the self quickly mobilizes along the processingcascadethatmovesfromfeelingtonetocraving,andfromcravingtoclinging.

The self organizes around strong desires. Which comes first: Do “I” form adesire?Ordoesdesireforman“I?”Theselfalsodependsgreatlyonsocialcontext.Walkalongcasually:oftennot

much sense of self. But bump into an old acquaintance, and within secondsmanypartsoftheselfcomeonline,suchasmemoriesofsharedexperiences—orwonderinghowyoulook.Selfnevercomesforwardon itsown.Forstarters, itdevelopedoverseveral

millionyears,shapedbythetwistsandturnsofevolution(Leary&Buttermore2003).Thenatanymomenttoday,itarisesthroughneuralactivitiesthatdependonotherbodilysystems,andthosesystemsdependonanetworkofsupportingfactors ranging from grocery stores to the seemingly arbitrary but remarkablyprovidentphysicalconstantsofthisuniverse,whichenabletheconditionsforlifesuch as stars, planets, and water. The self has no inherent, unconditional,absolute existence apart from the network of causes it arises from, in, and as(MacKenzie2009).

SelfIsLikeaUnicorn

Self-related representationsabound in themindand thus in thebrain.Thosepatternsofinformationandneuralactivityarecertainlyreal.Butthatwhichtheypointto,explicitlyorimplicitly–aunified,enduring,independent“I”whoistheessential owner of experiences and agent of actions– just doesn’t exist. In thebrain, self-related activities are distributed and compounded, not unified; theyare variable and transient, not enduring; and they are dependent on changingconditions,includingtheinteractionsthebodyhaswiththeworld.Justbecausewe have a sense of self does not mean that we are a self. The brain stringstogether heterogenousmoments of self-ing and subjectivity into an illusion ofhomogenous coherence and continuity. The self is truly a fictional character.Sometimesit’susefultoactasifit’sreal,aswe’llseebelow.Playtheroleoftheself when you need to. But try to keep remembering that who you are as aperson– dynamically intertwined with the world– is more alive, interesting,capable,andremarkablethananyself.

(AnApparent)SelfHasItsUsesAnapparentself isgoodforsomethings.It isaconvenientwaytodistinguish

onepersonfromanother.Itbringsasenseofcontinuitytolife’skaleidoscopeofexperiences,linkedtoeachotherbyappearingtohappentoaparticular“me.”Itadds verve and commitment to relationships—“I love you” is a much morepowerfulstatementthan“Thereislovearisinghere.”Asenseofself ispresentatbirthinnascentform(Stern2000),andchildren

normally develop substantial self structures by age five; if they don’t, theirrelationships are very impaired.Self-relatedprocesses arewired into thebrainfor good reasons. They helped our ancestors succeed in increasingly socialhunter-gatherer bands inwhich interpersonal dynamics played a strong role insurvival;readingtheselfinothersandexpressingone’sownselfskillfullywereveryuseful informingalliances,mating,andkeepingchildrenalive topassonone’s genes. The evolution of relationships fostered the evolution of self andvice versa; the benefits of self have thus been a factor in the evolution of thebrain. Self has been stitched into human DNA by reproductive advantagesslowlyaccumulatingacrossahundredthousandgenerations.The point here isn’t to defend or justify the self. But neither should we

demean or suppress it. Just don’t make self special—it’s simply an arisingmental pattern that’s not categorically different from or better than any othermind-object.Whenyouusethemethodsthatfollow,you’renotresistingtheselformakingitaproblem.You’rejustseeingthroughitandencouragingittorelax,to dissipate likemorning fog clearing under the sun.Andwhat’s left behind?Openheartedspaciousness,wisdom,valuesandvirtues,andasoftsweetjoy.

ReleaseIdentificationOnewaytheselfgrowsisbyequatingitselftothings—byidentifyingwiththem.Unfortunately,whenyouidentifywithsomething,youmakeitsfateyourown—and yet, everything in this world ultimately ends. So bemindful of how youidentify with positions, objects, and people. A traditional inquiry is to askquestionslikethese:AmI thishand?AmI thisbelief?AmI thissenseof“I”?AmIthisawareness?Perhapsfollowthequestionwithanexplicitanswer,suchas:No,Iamnotthishand.Be especially watchful about identifying with the executive functions (e.g.,

monitoring, planning, choosing). Notice how often your brain just assuccessfullymakesplansandchoiceswithoutmuch“I”involved,suchaswhiledriving to work. Be mindful as well about identifying with awareness; allowawarenesstoarisewithoutneedingtoidentifywithordirectit.

Regard“I,”“me,”“mine,”andotherformsofselfasjustmoremind-objects—thoughts likeanyother.Remindyourself: Iamnot thoughts. Iamnot thesethoughtsof“I.”Don’t identifywith the self!Don’tuse selfwords (“I,”“me,”“myself,” and “mine”) anymore than necessary.Try to get through a specificperiodoftime,suchasanhouratwork,withoutusingthematall.Letexperiencesflowthroughawarenesswithoutidentifyingwiththem.Ifthis

stancewereverbalized,itwouldsoundsomethinglikethis:Seeingishappening.Thereissensation.Thoughtsarise.Asenseofselfemerges.Move,plan,feel,andtalkwithaslittlepresumptionofselfaspossible.Extend thismindfulness to themini-moviesplaying in thesimulatorofyour

mind.Noticehowapresumptionofself isembedded inmostof thesemovies,evenwhentheselfisnotanovertcharacter.Thisembeddingreinforcestheselfasneuronsfireandwiretogetherinyoursimulations.Instead,cultivateageneralattitude,also reaching into themini-movies, thateventscanbeperceived fromtheperspectiveofaparticularbody-mindwithoutthereneedingtobean“I”todotheperceiving.

GenerositySelf also grows through possessiveness. Self is like a knotted fist: when youopenthehandtogive,there’snomorefist—nomoreself.Youcangivesomuchin this life,andthatoffersyoumanyopportunities to

release the self. For example, you can give time, helpfulness, donations,restraint, patience, noncontention, and forgiveness. Any path of service—including raising a family, caring for others, and many kinds of work—incorporatesgenerosity.Envy—and its close cousin, jealousy—is amajor impediment to generosity.

Sonoticethesufferinginenvy,howit isanafflictionuponyou.Envyactuallyactivates some of the same neural networks involved with physical pain(Takahashietal.2009).Inacompassionateandkindway,remindyourselfthatyouwillbeallrightevenifotherpeoplehavefame,money,oragreatpartner—andyoudon’t.Tofreeyourselffromtheclutchesofenvy,sendcompassionandloving-kindness to people you envy. Once, on a meditation retreat, I wasthinkingenviouslyaboutsomepeopleandfoundasurprisingpeaceinthiswishtowardthem:MayyouhaveallthesuccessthatIlack.Also, observe perceptions, thoughts, emotions, and other mind-objects, and

inquire:Doesthishaveanowner?Thenobservethetruthofthings:Thishasnoowner.It’sfruitlesstotrytopossessthemind;nooneownsit.

HealthyHumilityPerhapsmostofall, selfgrows throughself-importance; itsantidote ishealthyhumility. Being humble means being natural and unassuming, not being adoormat,ashamed,or inferior. It justmeansyou’renot settingyour selfaboveothers.Humility feels peaceful.You don’t have towork at impressing people,andnooneisatoddswithyouforbeingpretentiousorjudgmental.

BeGoodtoYourself

Paradoxically, it supports humility to take good care of yourself, since selfnetworks in your brain activate when you feel threatened or unsupported. Toreducethisactivation,makesureyourfundamentalneedsarewellcaredfor.Forexample,weallneedtofeelcherished.Empathy,praise,andlovefromothers—especially in childhood—are internalized in neural networks that supportfeelingsofconfidenceandworth.Butifyoureceivetheseinshortsupplyovertheyears,you’relikelytoendupwithaholeinyourheart.The self gets very busy around that hole! Trying to put a lid on the hole

throughcockinessortogetamomentary“fix”throughclinginess.Besidesbeingannoyingtoothers—leadingyoutoreceive lessempathy,praise,andlove thanever—these strategies are pointless, since they don’t address the fundamentalissue.Instead,fill theholeinyourheartbytakinginthegood(seechapter4),one

brickatatime.WhenIwasyounger,theholeinmyheartlookedaboutasbigasthe excavation for a skyscraper.When I realized that it should and could getfilled, I deliberately looked for evidence of my worth, such as the love andrespectofothers,andmygoodqualitiesandaccomplishments.ThenI’dtakeafewsecondstosoakintheexperience.Afterseveralweeksandlotsofbricks,Istarted to feeldifferent;withina fewmonths, therewasa significantlygreatersense of personalworth. Now,many years and thousands of bricks later, thatholeinmyheartisprettyfull.Nomatterhowbigyourownholeis,eachdayhandsyouatleastafewbricks

for it. Pay attention to good things about yourself and the caring and

acknowledgement of others—and then take them in. No single brick willeliminatethathole.Butifyoukeepatit,daybyday,brickbybrick,you’lltrulyfillitup.Likemanypractices,beinggoodtoyourselfisakindofrafttogetyouacross

theriverofsuffering—touseametaphorfromtheBuddha.Whenyougettotheother side, you’ll no longer need the raft. You’ll have built up your internalresources to thepoint thatyouwon’thave toconsciously lookforevidenceofyourworthanymore.

RelaxAboutWhatOthersThink

We evolved to care greatly about our reputation, since reputation affectedwhetherothersinthebandwouldhelporhurtanindividual’schancesofsurvival(Bowles2006).Itiswhollyhumantowishtoberespectedandevencherished,and to seek that for yourself. But getting caught up inwhat others think is adifferentmatter.AsShantidevasaid(1999,p.113):WhyshouldIbepleasedwhenpeoplepraiseme?Otherstherewillbewhoscornandcriticize.AndwhydespondentwhenI’mblamed,Sincethere’llbeotherswhothinkwellofme?Considerhowmuchtimeyouspendthinking—ineventhesubtlestway,inthe

back of the simulator—about what others think of you. Be mindful of doingthings togetadmirationandpraise.Try to focus insteadon justdoing thebestyou can. Think about virtue, benevolence, andwisdom: if you sincerely keeptryingtocomefromthese,that’saboutallyoucando.Andit’salot!

YouDon’tNeedtoBeSpecial

Believingthatyouneedtobespecialinordertodeserveloveandsupportsetsareallyhighbar that takesmucheffortandstrain toclear—dayafterdayafterday. And it sets you up for self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy andworthlessness if you don’t get the recognition you crave. Instead, trywishingyourself well in these ways: May I be loved without being special. May Icontributewithoutbeingspecial.Consider renouncing specialness—including being important and admired.

Renunciation is theantithesisofclinging,andthusaradicalpath tohappiness.Say phrases like these in yourmind, and noticewhat they feel like: I giveupbeingimportant.Irenounceseekingapproval.Feelthepeaceinthissurrender.Love thepersonyouare,muchasyouwouldcareaboutanypersondear to

you.Butdon’tlovetheselforanyothermeremind-object.

JoinedwiththeWorldThesenseofselfgrowswhenyouseparatefromtheworld.Therefore,deepeningthesenseofconnectionwiththeworldwillreducethesenseofself.To live, to have a metabolism, your body must be joined with the world

throughcontinuingexchangesof energyandmatter.Similarly,yourbrain isn’tfundamentally separate from the rest of the body that feeds and protects it.Therefore, inadeepsenseyourbrain is joinedwith theworld (ThompsonandVarela2001).Andaswe’ve seenmany times, themindand thebrain formanintegratedsystem.Consequently,yourmindandtheworldareintimatelyjoinedtogether.Youcanhelpthisrecognitiondeepeninavarietyofways:

Reflectontheflowsoffood,water,andsunlightthatsustainyourbody.See yourself as an animal like any other in your dependence on thenaturalworld.Spendtimeinnature.Pay attention to the aspect of space in your environments, such as theemptyvolumeofairinyourlivingroom,orthespacethroughwhichcarsmove on your way to work. Doing this naturally draws awareness tothingsasawhole.Thinkbiggerandwider.Forexample,whenyoubuygasoline,considerthegreatnetworkofcausesthathelpproducetheapparentself—drivingits car, perhaps feeling stressed or preoccupied—including the gasstation, global economics, and ultimately, ancient plankton and algaecrushedundertheearthintooil.Seehowthosecausesdependonanevenvasternetworkthatincludesthesolarsystem,ourgalaxy,othergalaxies,and the physical processes of thematerial realm.Try to feel the livingtruth that you arise and abide in dependence upon thewhole universe.TheMilkyWayisherebecauseofthelocalgroupofgalaxies;thesunisherebecauseoftheMilkyWay;andyou’reherebecauseofthesun—so

in some ways you’re here because of galaxies millions of light yearsaway.If you can, go all the way out to the ultimate frame: the allness, thetotality that is everything. For example, the world you see at hand,includingyourbodyandmindwithinit,isalwaysjustonewholething.At any moment, you can notice this one allness. Its parts change,endlessly.Theyunravel,decay, anddisperse, every singleoneof them.Therefore, no part can ever be a reliable, enduring source of truehappiness—including theself.But theallnessasallnessneverchanges.Thewhole remains reliablywhole.Thewholeneverclingsandsuffers.Ignorancecontractsfromthetotalityintotheself.Wisdomreversesthatprocess,emptyingtheselfoutintoallness.

It’s a wonderful paradox that as individual things—such as the self—feelincreasingly groundless and unreliable, the totality of everything feelsincreasingly safe and comforting.As the sense of groundlessness grows, eachapparentlyindividualthingseemsabitlikeacloudthatyou’llfallthroughifyoutrytostandonit.Atfirstthisisprettyunnerving.Butthenyourealizethattheskyitself—thetotality—isholdingyouup.Youarewalkingontheskybecauseyou’resky.Ithasalwaysbeenthatway.Youandeveryoneelsehavebeenskyallalong.

JoinedwithLifeOnetimeafriendofminewentonameditationretreatinaforestmonasteryinBurma.Hetookvows,includingnottointentionallykillanylivingbeing.Aftera couple ofweeks, hismeditationwas not going verywell.He also began towonderaboutthelatrinenearhishut.Itwasapittoilet,andafterusingit,hewassupposed to clean the area around the holewithwater, but therewere usuallyantsnearbywhichwerewashedaway.Heasked theabbot if thiswasall right.“No,” theabbotsaidsimply,“that’snotyourvow.”Myfriendtooktheabbot’scomment seriously, and started cleaning the toilet muchmore carefully. And,perhapsnotcoincidentally,hismeditationdeepeneddramatically.Howoftendoweplaceour convenience aheadof the life of another being,

evenanantona toilet? It’snotdeliberatelycruel,but it is self-centered.Lookthe creature in the eye—themosquito, themouse—and know that it wants tolive,justlikeyoudo.Howwoulditfeeltobekilledforsomeone’sconvenience?

Ifyouwant, takeonthepracticeofneverkillingforyourownconvenience.Thiswilldrawyouintofeelingmorekinshipwithall life,youasacreature inharmony with other beings. You’ll be treating the world as an extension ofyourself:notharmingyourselfentailsnotharmingtheworld.Similarly,kindness to theworld iskindness toyourself.As theself starts to

relax and fall away, you can really wonder how to live. Once on a retreat, IexperiencedsuchastrongsenseofeverythingasawholethatIbegantodespairattheutterunimportanceofmytinypartofit.Mylifecouldnotpossiblymatter.Afterhardlysleeping,Isatoutsidethedininghallbeforebreakfast,nearalittlecreek,withadoeandherfawngrazingunderthetreescloseby.Ibegantofeelverydeeplythateachlivingthinghasitsnatureanditsplaceinthewhole.Thedoe lickedher fawn,nuzzlingandnibbling it.Sheclearlybelongedwhere shewas,eventually todieanddispersebutmeanwhile thrivingandcontributing inherownway. Insectsandbirds rustled in the fallen leavesaswell: allmovingabout,eachonecreatingbenefitsforthewholeinsomeway.Justaseachofthoseanimalshaditsplaceanditscontributions,Ihadmyown.

Notoneofuswas important.But itwasall right tobe inmyplaceand thrivethere.Itwasallrighttorelaxandbethewhole.Tobethewholeexpressedasapart,tobeapartexpressingthewhole.SometimelateragraysquirrelandIwatchedeachotherfromjustafewfeet

apart.Itwasnaturaltowishthatsquirrelwell,thatitfindacornsanddodgeowls.(And, in the complexity of the forest, towish the owlwell too, that it find asquirrel toease itshunger.)We lookedateachother forastrangely long time,andItrulywishedthebestforthatsquirrel.Thenanotherthingcameclear:Iwasanorganism,too,justlikethesquirrel.Itwasallrighttowishmyselfwelljustlikeanyotherlivingbeing.It is all right towishyourselfwell, just likewishing thebest for any living

being. It is all right to dowell according to your nature,with a human brain,going as far as you can in this life down the path of happiness, love, andwisdom.What remains when self disperses, even temporarily? The wholehearted

movementtocontribute,andthewishtothriveandprosperasonehumananimalamong six billion.Tobe healthy and strong and livemanymore years.Tobecaringandkind.Toawaken,abidingasradiant,spacious,lovingconsciousness.To feel protected and supported. To be happy and comfortable, serene andfulfilled.Toliveandloveinpeace.

chapter13:KeyPoints

It’s ironic and poignant that the “I” makes you suffer in many ways.Whenyou take thingspersonally, identifywithor try topossess thingsthat inevitablyend,orseparateyourself fromall things,yousuffer.Butwhenyourelaxthesenseofselfandflowwithlife,youfeelhappyandsatisfied.Whenyoutakethebodyforawalk—ordojustaboutanything—withoutmuchsenseofself,youdiscoversomeinterestingthings:theselfusuallyfeels a little contracted and tense, it is often unnecessary, and itcontinually changes. The self gets especially activated in response toopportunitiesand threats;desiresoftenforman“I”beforean“I” formsdesires.Thoughts, feelings, images, and such exist as patterns of informationbased on patterns of neural structure and activity. In the same way,representationsoftheselfandthesenseofbeingaselfexistaspatternsinthemindandbrain.Thequestionisnotwhetherthosepatternsexist.Thekeyquestionsare:Whatistheirnature?Anddoesthatwhichtheypointto—aunified,ongoingownerofexperiencesandagentofactions—trulyexist?Themanyaspectsofselfarebasedonnumerousneuralnetworks.Thesenetworks perform many functions unrelated to the self, andrepresentations of self within them don’t appear to have anyneurologicallyspecialstatus.Theselfisjustpartoftheperson.Mostthoughts,plans,andactionsdon’tneedaself todirectthem.Self-relatedneuralnetworkscompriseonlyasmallpartofthebrain,andanevensmallerpartofthenervoussystem.Theselfkeepschanging; in thebrain,everymanifestationof theself isimpermanent.Justastheindividualframesinamoviecreatetheillusionofmotion,theoverlappingneuralassembliesthatflowtogetherandthendispersecreatetheillusionofacoherentandcontinuousself.The self arises and changes depending on various conditions, notablypleasantandunpleasantfeelingtones.Italsodependsonrelationships—includingwiththewiderworld.Themostfundamentalbasisforthesenseof “I”—the subjectivity inherent in awareness—emerges in therelationshipbetweenthebodyandtheworld.Theselfhasnoindependentexistencewhatsoever.

Self-relatedmental activity, including the sense of being the subject ofexperience, refers to a unified, enduring, independent “I” who is theessentialownerofexperiencesandagentofactions—butsuchaonedoesnot exist. The self is a collection of real representations of an unrealbeing—likeastoryaboutaunicorn.The apparent self is useful for relationships and for a healthy sense ofpsychologicalcoherenceovertime.Humanshaveasenseofselfbecauseitservedvitalsurvivalfunctionsduringourevolution.Itispointlesstobeaverse to theself,sinceaversionintensifies theself.Thepoint is toseethroughtheselfandletitrelaxanddisperse.The selfgrows through identification,possession,pride, and separationfromtheworldandlife.Weexploredmanywaystodisengagefromtheseand, instead, center increasingly in openhearted spaciousness, goodwilltoward one’s own thriving, and contented peaceful relationships withotherbeings.

Appendix

NutritionalNeurochemistry

JANHANSON,L.AC.

Thepreviouschaptershaveexploredhowtoinfluencethebrainthroughmentalinterventions. This appendix will summarize ways to support brain functionthrough thephysical interventionofskillfulnutrition.Ofcourse,noneof thesesuggestionsareasubstituteforprofessionalcare,noraretheyaimedattreatinganymedicalcondition.Asanacupuncturistwhohas focusedonclinicalnutrition formanyyears—

andneeded to apply someof its lessons to herself!—I’ve repeatedly seen thatsmall, thoughtful, sensible changes inwhat youput intoyourmouth eachdaycangraduallyproducesignificantbenefits.Andsometimesthesesteps—suchastakingnutrientsyou’veneededforalongtime—canleadtorapidimprovementsinyourwell-being.

DietBasicsHelp your brain by eatingwell every day,minimizing your sugar intake, andavoidingfoodallergens.

EatWellEveryDay

Takeinawidevarietyofrichnutrients.Morethananything,thismeanseatinglots of protein and vegetables. Eat protein at every meal; aim for a portionroughlythesizeofyourpalm.Eatatleastthreecupsofvegetablesaday—moreisbetter!Ideally,halfofyourplateateachmealwillbecoveredbyvegetablesofallkindsandcolors.Fruitsalsoprovideimportantnutrition;berriesinparticularareknowntobegoodforyourbrain(Gallietal.2006;Josephetal.2003).

MinimizeSugar

Keepyoursugarundercontrol.Highbloodsugarwearsonthehippocampus(Wuetal.2008).Impairedglucosetolerance—asignofeatingtoomuchsugar—is linked to relativecognitive impairment inolderadults (MessierandGagnon2000). The best way to minimize sugar is to avoid refined sugar altogether(especially in sugary drinks) as well as foods made from refined flour (e.g.,bread,noodles,cookies).

AvoidFoodAllergens

Eating foods to which you are sensitive will cause an allergic andinflammatoryreaction throughoutyourbody,not just inyourdigestivesystem.Chronic inflammation, even if relatively mild, is an enemy of the brain. Forexample, gluten sensitivities have been linked to a variety of neurologicaldisorders(Hadjivassiliou,Gunwale,andDavies-Jones2002;Hadjivassiliouetal.1996). Even without a known sensitivity, increased consumption of milkcorrelateswithanincreasedriskofParkinson’sdisease(Parketal.2005).Themost common foodallergens areproductsmade fromcowmilk,gluten

grains(wheat,oats,rye,barley,spelt,andkamut),andsoy.Foodallergiescanbeformally identified through blood tests done by amedical lab. Informally, tryeliminatingfoodsyoususpectmaybeproblematicforaweekortwo,andthennotice ifyoufeelbetter, thinkmoreclearly,digestmoreeasily,andhavemoreenergy.

FundamentalSupplementsforYourBrainVitaminsandmineralsarecofactors inthousandsofmetabolicprocesses.Theysupporteveryaspectofyourhealth,includingthefunctioningofyourbrainandmind(Kaplanetal.2007).Soit’simportanttogetenoughofthesetotakecareofallofyourneeds.Unlessyouspendalotoftimeacquiringandpreparingfreshfoods, youprobably aren’t gettingoptimal quantities of vitamins andmineralsthroughyourdietalone.Therefore,itmakessensetosupplementthemprudently.

TakeaHighPotencyMultivitamin/MultimineralSupplement

Agoodmultivitamin/multimineralsupplementisyourinsurancepolicy;itwillhelp you get a wide variety of essential nutrients. While all nutrients areimportant,putaspecialfocusontheBvitamins,whichareparticularlyvitalforbrainhealth.VitaminsB-12,B-6,andfolicacidallhelpabiochemicalprocesscalled methylation, which plays a crucial role in the production of manyneurotransmitters. When you are deficient in these B vitamins, yourhomocysteine(anaminoacid)levelmaybecomeelevated.LowBvitaminsandhighhomocysteineare risk factors forcognitivedeclineanddementia inolderpeople (Clarkeetal. 2007;Vogiatzoglouetal. 2008).Low folic acid is also ariskfactorfordepression;supplementingitcanrelievedepressivesymptoms(A.Miller2008).Yourmultivitaminsupplementshouldcontain10–25timesthedailyvalueof

alloftheBvitamins,and800mcgormoreoffolicacid(Marz1999).Itshouldhavemostmineralsat100percentormoreofthedailyvalue.Toconsumetheselevels, you may need to augment your general multi with additionalsupplements.

TakeOmega-3FattyAcids

Theomega-3fattyacidsfoundinfishoil—docosahexaenoicacid(DHA)andeicosapentaenoic acid (EPA)—provide many benefits to your brain; theseincludepromotionofneuronalgrowth,moodelevation,andslowingofdementia(Maetal.2007;Puri2006;Singh2005;Suetal.2003).DHAisthepredominantstructuralfattyacidinthecentralnervoussystem,anditsavailabilityiscrucialforbraindevelopment.EPAisanimportantanti-inflammatorymolecule.Takeenough fishoil to consumeat least500milligramsofDHAdaily, and

aboutthesameamountofEPA(Hyman2009).Lookforahigh-qualitysource—one that ismolecularlydistilled;mostpeopleprefer capsules to taking fishoildirectly.Or,ifyou’reavegetarian,takeafulltablespoonofflaxseedoildaily(perhaps

in saladdressing,butdon’t cookwith it).Although flax seedoil converts intoDHA and EPA, in most people this conversion is inefficient and incomplete.Consequently,add500mgofDHAfromalgaetoyourflaxseedoil.

TakeVitaminEasGamma-Tocopherol

VitaminEisthemainantioxidantinthecellularmembraneswithinyourbrain(Kidd2005).ThemostcommonformofvitaminEconsumedthroughthedietisgamma-tocopherol,whichmakesup70percentoftotalvitamin-Eintake.Unfortunately, nutritional supplements usually contain alpha-tocopherol,

another form of vitamin E.Alpha-tocopherol seems to be less beneficial thangamma-tocopherol,anditdilutesthegamma-tocopherolyounaturallygetfromyour diet. Thismay be one reasonwhy studies of vitamin-E supplementationhaveproducedmixedresults.However,onestudyfoundthatolderpeoplewhoconsumed higher levels of vitamin E—primarily in the form of gamma-tocopherol—hadlessriskofdevelopingAlzheimer’sdiseaseandslowerratesofcognitivedecline(Morrisetal.2005).More research is needed, but in themeantime it seems reasonable to take a

supplement of vitamin E that contains a mixture of the tocopherols, withgamma-tocopherolinthemajority.Takeasupplementthathasabout400IUofvitamin E (Marz 1999), at least half of which is gamma-tocopherol (Hyman2009).

NutritionalSupportforNeurotransmittersYoucanaffect the levelsofyourneurotransmitters through targetednutritionalinterventions.Butbecarefulaboutit.Startwiththesmallestdosageandrespectyourownnature;individualresponsesvarysignificantly.Tryonesupplementata time, making sure you feel good with the first one before adding another.Discontinue a supplement immediately if you experience any negative sideeffects.Don’tusethesesupplementsifyouaretakinganantidepressantorotherpsychotropicmedicationunlessyourdoctortellsyouotherwise.

Serotonin

Serotoninsupportsmood,digestion,andsleep.It’smadefromtheaminoacidtryptophan in essentially two steps: tryptophan is converted into 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP), which is then turned into serotonin. Nutritionalcofactors are required for these conversions, notably iron and vitaminB-6 (aspyridoxal-5-phosphate or P5P) (Murray et al. 2000). Therefore, the followingnutrientscanhelpwithserotoninproduction;youcanusethemincombination,ifyouwish.

IRON

Ifyoufeelfatiguedordepressed,talktoyourphysicianaboutthepossibilitythat your iron level is low.Additionally,manymenstruatingwomen have lowironlevels.Abloodtestisrequiredtoknowifyou’reanemic;ifyouare,youcantakeanironsupplement,andtheproperdosagewilldependonyourlabresults.

VITAMINB-6

Vitamin B-6 is a cofactor in dozens—perhaps hundreds—of importantmetabolicprocesses,includingtheproductionofseveralneurotransmitters(e.g.,serotonin). Take 50mg of vitamin B-6 (as P5P) on an empty stomach in themorning.

5-hydroxytryptophanandTryptophan

Take50–200mgof5-HTPin themorningor500–1,500mgof tryptophanbefore bed (Hyman 2009;Marz 1999). If you are primarily focused on liftingyourmood,take5-HTPinthemorning.Itisunlikelytomakeyousleepy,anditisthemostdirectroutetoserotonin.Ifinsomniaisanissue,startwithtryptophanjustbeforebed,sinceit’smorelikelytoenhanceyoursleep.

NorepinephrineandDopamine

Norepinephrine and dopamine are excitatory neurotransmitters that supportenergy, mood, and attention. The process of creating these neurotransmittersbeginswith theaminoacidL-phenylalanine.This isconverted intoL-tyrosine,whichgetsmade into dopamine; in turn, dopamine is transformed further intonorepinephrine(Murrayetal.2000).Aswithserotonin,ironandvitaminB-6(asP5P)arenecessarycofactorsfor

theseconversions.Therefore, supplementing thesecan increasenorepinephrineand dopamine. Because optimizing serotonin before enhancing dopamine andnorepinephrine often feels better than the reverse, startwith the nutrients thatbuildserotonin.Takethesefortwoweeksorsobeforeconsideringphenylalanineortyrosine.Forsomepeople,phenylalanineandtyrosinesupplementsfeeltoostimulating.

Ifyoufeelnervousorhyperaftertakingthem,stop.Tobecautious,startwitha

lowdoseof500mgorless,takenonanemptystomachinthemorning.Ifyouliketheeffects,youcanincreasethedoseupto1,500mgperday(Hyman2009).Of these two amino acids, tyrosine is the most direct route to makingnorepinephrineanddopamine;consequently,it’susedmoreoften,thoughsomepeoplepreferL-phenylalanine.Eitheroneisfine.

Acetylcholine

Acetylcholinesupportsmemoryandattention.Tobuildthisneurotransmitter,youneed rich sources of choline in your diet, such as eggyolks (possibly thebestsource),beef,liver,ordairyfats.Alsoconsiderthefollowingsupplements;ifyoudecide to trysupplementation, introduceonesupplementata time.Findthe individual supplement or combination (potentially including all three) thatfeelsbestforyou.

PHOSPHATIDYLSERINE

Phosphatidylserine (PS) is themajor acidicphospholipid in thebrain, and akey component of the brain’s cellular membranes. Phospholipids play animportantroleincommunicationbetweenbraincells.PSsupportsacetylcholine(Pedataetal.1985),andseemstoaidmemory.Youcantake100–300mgperday(Hyman2009).

ACETYL-L-CARNITINE

Acetyl-L-carnitine seems to help with memory problems and Alzheimer’sdisease, perhaps through its effect on acetylcholine pathways (Spagnoli et al.1991).Try500–1,000mgperdayonanemptystomachinthemorning(Hyman2009).Ifyou’resensitivetostimulatingnutrients,youmaywanttotrythisonelast.

HUPERZINE-A

Extracted from Chinese club moss, huperzine-A slows the metabolicbreakdownofacetylcholineandthusappears toenhancememoryandattention(Cheng,Ren,andXi1996;Sunetal.1999).Try50–200mgperday(Hyman2009).

ChangefromtheGroundFloorOnUpYourbrainismadefromtrillionsofmolecules,mostofwhichhavecomefromwhatyou’veput inyourmouthatone timeor another.Throughmaking smallchangesinyourdietandsupplements,youcangraduallychangethecomponentsofyourbrain,fromthemoleculargroundflooronup.Asthephysicalsubstrateofyourbrainimproves,you’relikelytoexperiencegreaterphysicalandmentalwell-being, and your psychological and spiritual practices—including themethodsdescribedinthisbook—willbecomeevenmorefruitful.

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Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and meditationteacher. A summa cum laude graduate of the University of California, LosAngeles, he cofounded the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience andContemplativeWisdomandeditstheWiseBrainBulletin.Heandhiswifehavetwochildren.

Richard Mendius, MD, is a neurologist and cofounder of the WellspringInstituteforNeuroscienceandContemplativeWisdom.HehastaughtmedicineatUniversityofCalifornia,LosAngeles,andStanfordUniversityinPaloAlto,CA.HealsoteachesweeklymeditationclassesatSanQuentinStatePrison.Heandhiswifehavethreechildren.

ForewordwriterDaniel J. Siegel,MD, is executive director of theMindsightInstitute and an associate clinical professor of psychiatry in the School ofMedicine at the University of California, Los Angeles. He is author of TheDevelopingMind,TheMindfulBrain,andotherbooks,andisfoundingeditoroftheNortonSeriesonInterpersonalNeurobiology.

PrefacewriterJackKornfield, Ph.D., is cofounder of the InsightMeditationSocietyinBarre,MA,andafoundingteacherofSpiritRockMeditationCenterinWoodacre,CA.Heisauthorofmanybooks,includingAPathwithHeartandTheWiseHeart.