joel young - bym 2012 - stages of my life journey...and maybe yours too!
DESCRIPTION
Tips for navigating life interwoven with my story. NoteTRANSCRIPT
PA Stage 1 – The Ride…Q. Do we all have the same needs?
Q. What shapes our needs?
PA Stage 2 – ‘Right’ing and FightingQ. When did you enter this stage?
Q. How do you know?
But:Q. What direction are you facing?Q. Where have you come from?Q. What is driving you?
PA Stage 3 – Observing & Accepting
“Observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.”
-J. Krishnamurti
Q. What does it mean to observe without evaluating?
Q. How well do you observe without interpreting?
Observing Evaluations, Feelings & Needs
Please learn to OBSERVE and REFLECT without:
FixingControllingExplaining
Evaluation Feeling Need
Abandoned Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad,frightened, lonely
Nurturing, connection, belonging,support, caring
Abused Angry, frustrated, frightened
Caring, nurturing, support, safety, consideration
(Un) accepted Scared, lonely, hurt, anxious
Inclusion, connection,community, belonging,contribution, respect
Unheard Sad, hostile, frustrated
Understanding, consideration,empathy
STOP! Shaming yourself for having NEEDS!
Q. What is a need that you have that you don’t let yourself have?
Q. Who told you it wasn’t ok to have that need?
PA Stage 4 – Living The Dance?
3 Suggested Strategies
1. Get/Give Empathy
2. Change Thinking (LW - Beliefs/Thoughts/Actions)
3. Change Actions (Say, Do)
“Our needs are never in conflict…just our clumsily chosen strategies.”
“When people think you're dying, they really,
really listen to you, instead of just..
...instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?”
– Fight Club
Strategy V’s Need
STRATAGYRequest of
others
Request of self
Something I do
Tool
Technique
Thoughts
Actions
NEED
Internal
What fills me
God given /
life shaped
Not to be
denied!
Q. What strategy do you use to meet the need you just talked about?
Need Strategy
Comfort Chocolate, Sex. Masturbation, Alcohol, Talking, Time with friends. Inviting the HS.
Clarity Reflect, Get counselling, talk to a friend.
Connection Computer games, hanging out, sports, good questions in conversation.
CONNECTION• acceptance• affection• belonging• companionship• mutuality• nurturing• to see and be seen
PHYSICAL • food• exercise• rest/sleep• sexual expression• safety• touch
HONESTY• authenticity• integrity
PLAY• joy• humour
PEACE• beauty• ease• harmony
AUTONOMY• choice• space
MEANINGcelebrationclaritycompetencecontributioncreativitygrowthhopelearningmourningto matter
I have a need for…
Engaged• Alert• Curious• Enchanted• Involved• Stimulated
Angry• Furious• Indignant• Irate• Outraged• Resentful
Tense• Anxious• Cranky• Edgy • Nervous
Afraid• Dread• Frightened• Panicked• Wary Vulnerable
• Fragile• Helpless• Leery• Shaky
Grateful• Moved• Thankful• Touched
Sad• Depressed• Despair• Gloomy• Heavy• Hopeless• Unhappy
I feel…
NVC DANCE FLOORmaking space for grace
NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight
Jackal(Self Talk, Judgements, Interpretations.)
NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight
Observation (Short, Clear, Simple description. The facts.)
NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight
Feelings(In the body, heart & soul.)
AFRAIDANNOYEDANGRYAVERSIONCONFUSEDDISCONNECTEDDISQUIETEMBARRASSEDFATIGUEPAINSADTENSEVULNERABLEYEARNING
AFFECTIONATEENGAGEDHOPEFUL
CONFIDENTEXCITED
GRATEFULINSPIRED
JOYFULEXHILARATED
PEACEFULREFRESHED
NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight
Needs(What fills & sustains.)
CONNECTION
PHYSICAL WELL-BEING
HONESTY
PLAY
PEACE
AUTONOMY
MEANING
NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight
Request(Of myself first…clear, doable, present.)
NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight
Dancing Graciously Towards
I am…
I won
der i
f yo
u ar
e…
1
2
NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight