�1

S

Issue 5 • Long Live Inuka • Death to Renegalle

WIKIPEDIA HIT HARDWikipedia articles were vandalized today by the CVWPD in a mass ive operat ion conducted by 5,350 users . Undercover administrators played a role by unblocking users who were part o f the operat ion . 2,000 page blanker bots were released in Operation Generalize, vanda l i z ing many articles about cities, books, and countries. The move was heavily condemned by Wikipedians at the first day of the attack, resulting in the WPSF s t rengthen ing i t ’s push for the Milet Cyberba se , the operation location of the CVWPD unit, in

charge of vandalizing and d i s r upt ing Wikipedia. One of the WPSF members a t tempted an assasination of the President, although as the pres ident wa s wearing bulletproof clothing during the a s s a s i n a t i o n Crazybloxeha Groetu wa s not k i l l ed . Protes t s ha ve intensi f ied on the s t reet s o f Crazybloxian Empire’s major cities, calling for an end to the CVWPD’s vandalism operations against Wikiped ia . The go ver nment had ignored the request, which l ed to a breakout of the civil

war. Wikipedia has been successfully hit hard by the CVWPD, with 24 million of it’s 40 million articles in 295 l angua ges vanda l i zed . The CVWPD -EN, a division dedicated to vanda l i z ing the English Wikipedia, vandalized 1.2 million and made mass edits to Template:Infobox, which then slowed down the WMF ( W i k i m e d i a Foundation) servers hosting Wikipedia. The CVWPD ha s requested the Missile Council to f ire 20 nukes at the main databa ses o f Wikimedia projects.

KID GETS STUCK IN AUTOMATIC DOOR - KID NEGLECTS BEING CAREFUL

A kid got stuck in an automatic door at the Embrely Mall located in central Britannica last Thursday. On a CCTV camera footage, the kid was playing tag with another kid while their parents were shopping a t a c lo th ing shop named “LookBeauty”. The parents had apparently failed to keep watch over their child as

they were prioritizing their shopping over their kid’s safety. The kid ran through the automat ic door not knowing a person had pressed a button to c lose the door. Witnesses described the man as having blue eyes, wearing moustache, and wear ing EyeSee -manufactured glasses.Continued at A3

On August 26, 2035, the 58th Anti-Naval Pirate Force, a division of the navy, were at patrol within 25 nautical miles of the Crazybloxian coast when they spotted pirates flying the Siwale flag taking sand from the sea . They were immediately confronted, and 25 Siwallians were captured and taken to the onboard detention centre o f the ma in frigate of the 58th Anti-Naval Pirate Force and inter rogated . The Crazybloxian Navy sent the Siwallians back to S iwa le . Now, the Crazybloxian Empire’s government is seeking justice, and has recently

accused S iwa le o f sending pirates to the EEZ of the Empire, although investigations found that they were not sent by the Siwallian government, but rather by an underground rebel organization in Siwale, unknown to the Siwallian government. The Underground Army division of the Empire, d i sco vered an underground ba se created by Team Siwale Out o f WA, se l f -exp lanator i l y an organization that wants to unseat the WA delegate of The North Pacific

Continued A4-6

INVESTIGATION SPECIAL: PIRATES ARE STEALING SAND FROM EMPIRE

Make sure you have endorsed

Siwale

If you are in TNP If you did not endorse yet,

click here

�2Crazybloxian Empire forms Miss NationStates; will hold first pageant on September 18

2047 has welcomed the formation of MsNS, a beauty pageant that will be held every 2 months. The s ignup thread has a l so been created, with the second thread for MsNS to be created on September 16, two days before the pageant. MsNS s tands for Miss NationStates. There are only two nations parcitipating, with the Empire willing to get 52 nations to join by September 15. The other nation that has entered MsNS is a

nation called “P a m p a n g a”, a member of a region called “The Srjaivyan Consortium”. However, Tinhampton has struck a great condemnation against the Empire for apparently “imperalizing”. The Empire will be soon to respond. Candidates will be judged based on beauty, and has obviously banned all Chinese and Renegalleans. As of now, many candidates are willing to join.

Fake reviews starting to infest Crazybloxian shopping sites

It ’s another type of scam. Before f ake reviews came, there were fake s i te s , f ake goods , and now, f ake reviews. Fake reviews have s ta r ted to i n f e s t Crazybloxian E m p i r e ’ s shopping sites w i th many s h o p p e r s mistaking the fake re v ie ws for rea l . An advertisement ha s been placed by the Crazybloxian government in a desperate a t tempt to shut down the fake reviewers, w i th a lmost c lose to no e f for t be ing m a d e , unfortunately. Fake reviews a re scams , des igned to ensure more people buy a c e r t a i n product. Many shoppers have been unaware o f the f ake r e v i e w s , however sti l l

e x c e r c i s i n g caution on fake s i te s . Many vigilantes have rose up to combat the fake reviews, w i th the formation of the Review-A-Review League in 2045 after the first fake review entered Crazybloxian o n l i n e shopping site QuicStor. On the o f f i c i a l webs i te s o f companies who utilitize brick and mor tar c o m p a n i e s , however have no f ake reviews. There have been also t h i r d - p a r t y c o n s u m e r forums where peop le can d i scuss f ake re v ie ws and r e v i e w p r o d u c t s without fear of c o m m e r c i a l bias. Recently, v i g i l a n t e s a ga ins t f ake reviews have begun taking action. There is a pet i t ion calling for an

end to it, with o ver 65,000 s i g n a t u r e s . O n l i n e s h o p p i n g platforms are d e s p e r a t e l y t r y ing to combat f ake reviews, and in some ca ses , even the text for the review ha s been supplied by the v e n d o r utilitizing fake reviews to gain m o r e r e p u t a t i o n . S o m e platforms have become well-aware of the i s sue , w i th people of some o n l i n e shopping or r e v i e w p l a t f o r m s d o i n g e x p e r i e n c e d c o n t e n t ana l y s i s to ensure that only authentic reviews appear on the s i te , however many people sau the c o n t e n t c h e c k i n g strategy is not foolproof.————-

E-scooter wheel burnout at Siwale Square in Britannica fastest ever achieved in history

A Scoofa s t 27 e -scooter ’s wheel was burned out at Siwale Square in Britannica at an amazing record-breaking speed of 47.4 million RPM as part of the Treda sk Exper iment . The Tredask Experiment is an ongoing research program to research new torture methods for use a ga ins t Renegalleans. One of the scientists devised exploiting friction to

heat tor ture Renega l l eans . The burnout has proved success fu l l y the potent ia l o f the Heatwheel, as a torture device. It’s motor has a l so been used in centrifuges, and other uses such as printing in web offset printing presses. The burnout lasted for 4 hours and 6 minutes, the longest burnout in history. The wheel exploded and expanded rapidly due

to high centrifugal forces as the wheel was sp inn ing f a s t . The Scoofa s t 27 cou ld transport a person at 3 4 0 k m / h , a p p r o x i m a t e l y 34 , 500RPM. The company who produces and manufactures the Scoofast 27 has plans for a Scoofast 30 that can go at 720km/h. The company on production of Scoofast 27 is Scoopasion.

Today’s featured countryball comic!-////—-

Can facebook into China?

Wikimedia Foundation databases in Siwale, Archegnum, and Guslantis to be nuked

A nuke was launched a t Wikimedia Foundation databases to sabota ge i t ’s p ro ject s such a s Wikipedia. The nuke is expected to arrive at August 27 as it has to evade Siwallian anti-ballistic missile systems. The nuking only occured on the s ing le l a rges t databa se o f the W i k i m e d i a Foundation which r uns Wikiped ia . Wik iquote and Wikisource databases

a re a l so cur rent ta rget s a s the i r databases are located in Gus lant i s and Archegnum. The nuke was designed to be invisible and it was programmed to on l y des t roy W i k i m e d i a infa str ucture and a vo id dama ge to Siwallian cities and it’s land, by technical means . The go ver nment ha s feared a declaration o f war a s nuk ing foreign territory is

considered an act of war. The Empire was quick to establish d i p l o m a t i c negotiations with the three countries to maintain peace. The threat wa s for tunate l y not detected by the management. While the personnel were busy ed i t ing Wikimedia projects, they were not able to notice the nuke. This i s par t o f the Empire’s ongoing war against the WMF.

�3

Continued from FRONT. | The boy wa s taken to h o s p i t a l immediately with implications on the boy’s circulation. The automat ic door ’s sensor apparent l y wa s i n t e n t i o n a l l y tur ned of f by a prankster and closed, squeezing the boy’s right leg. Many people had rushed to the scene and began a t tempts to des t roy the automat ic door and ca l l an ambulance. At the

hospital, the boy was put on high pr ior i ty and t reated for i m p e d e d circulation in the veins. The boy will stay and recover from hospital for a per iod o f 2 months, according to the doctors . Bandages will be applied throughout the two month recovery procedure a s doctors had d i sco vered t iny holes in the skin, often being at a s i ze o f on l y 0.000000000000037mm. The

l a rgest one wa s 0.000000002749mm. They have the potential to allow the ent r y o f bacteria and also blood could get squirted onto the floor by accident during one of the procedures. The boy’s parents had ordered act ion a ga ins t the prankster. The prankster wa s arrested at 7:28am and charged with grievous hurt by sabotage of safety mechanisms.————————

Boy gets stuck in automatic door - Kid neglects being careful

Gangfight breaks out after disagreement

At the Eness i a Mal l , on Wednesday, a gangfight between the “Spider” and “Power-75” , in which Power-75 was made out of 4 d iv i s ions , w i th Power-75 having o ver 56 , 227 members, and the Sp ider gang , ha v ing 66 ,270 members, fought in a mall after a misunderstanding at a Jones Ramen restaurant when they were apparently still in the same gang. The second person had been eating ramen wi th the f i r s t person until they disagreed over the payment method. The first person left the Spider gang and then entered the Power-75 gang last month. Civillians

were evacuated in high panic as the two gangs stormed the mall, and took over. An intense war wa s be ing fought, with some people possesing M u l t - 8 3 7 7 A machine gun and se vera l M4A1s . The military did not mobilize as the s i tuat ion wa s considered low-priority. The fight raged overnight unt i l 2 : 1 7am Thursday, and as a r o u n d a p p r o x i m a t e l y 173,337 people who were neutral were at the mall, they were conver ted into gang members forceful ly. Some former members of Power-75 have said that anyone who would jo in had to be punched and his finger had to touch a

centr i fuge a t 270,000RPM for 27 hours straight. Punishments for mis takes a l so included their feet be ing put on a wheel with sharp needles, having a one-mile diameter, w i th the whee l spinned at 200km/h . Thi s tor ture occured main l y underground a s the wheel could be not iced by by pa sser s , who could potentially alert the police. Police nabbed the gang on Thursday at 6:28am while they were planning the i r war w i th another gang. The name of the gang wa s hea v i l y encrypted and the name of the i r target gang read “ J n s k a g e i b ] £ |> o N 9 ¥ |Slsn8{>.’apJ!:&;”.

Girl sent to net rehab center due to Internet addiction, so hooked she would take out a knife when told to stop

A 8-yo girl named Sally has been taken to a Net Rehab center due to Internet addiction. Sal ly’s parents say that she began using the Internet at 6-yo and went on i t everyday, and spent 3 hours . The hours spent became longer month by month, until it reached over 27 hours , w i th ext reme s l eep deprivation. The girl had mosqu i toes around her as she also neglected her personal hygiene, and resisted at attempts to make her take a shower by e ven t h re a te n i n g h e r p a re n t s w i t h a knife. When she was told to stop at one occasion, she almost ki l led her parent, planning to stab the head but fortunately missed and stabbed

the refrigerator. The girl was charged with attempted murder. As she was below eighteen, she only landed on a K i d s g a m i n g. P h o t o : W I K I M E D I A

COMMONS———————sentence of 2 months in prison. No caning wa s app l ied . The games she would play on the Inter net included Roblox, a game where people can “conjure up new things using their own imagination”. One of the games she a l so p l ayed wa s someth ing ca l l ed Math Compete , a

game where people competed to do math ques t ions . The enter ta inment o f chatting and gaming get s the bra in to re lea se a n e u r o t r a n s m i t te r called dopamine, and your bra in wants more of it, so it will do the activity, in this case gaming, to get more dopamine , resulting in longer playtimes. Excessive dopamine shuts down the dopamine receptors, and it will take longer to get the required dopamine. “Addiction must be stopped”, said one doctor who our journalists managed to stumble across. The person declined to be named.

The Crazybloxian Times

•—•Delivering News To

the World

�4PIRATES ARE STEALING SAND; THEY MUST BE STOPPED NOW

THE CRAZYBLOXIAN TIMES INVESTIGATION

SPECIAL

Greedy people have hired people to collect sand, and t i red them to horr ib le conditions with no wage. They collect sand, very vital to Crazybloxian Empire’s infastructure, as cement is made out of 75% sand. The government has tried to take extra heavy procedures to prevent i l lega l sand trafficking. Erosions across coa s ta l c i t i e s o f the Crazybloxian Empire, also known as the Aloralasic Republic by TNPers (The North Pacific)ers, who are members of The North Pacific (TNP). Sentences were imposed on major l eaders o f i l l ega l s and trafficking rings. A sand ring utilises trucks, but they are not seen on norma l Crazybloxian highways, as they are underground. An undercover investigation by The Crazybloxian Times uncovered the fact that the tunnels where sand was trafficked were usually 1km deep, sometimes 4km or 6km.” The only way the government can combat the illegal trade is to order the UTF -ST (Underground Tunne l Force -Sand

Trafficking), in charge of combatting underground tunnels which facilitate the illegal sand trafficking. The main illegal routes were dubbed “Underground Sandroad” by n e t i v i s t s , peop le who conduct activisim online. They have been increasing awareness by posting on many social media s i te s such a s Facebook, Twitter, and Netivism.org, a free web hosting service which is mainly aligned to suit the needs of activists willing to have websites. Many people dive mostly 525-605 times a day just to collect sand by hand. The sand industry is the 4th l a rges t in the Empire and estimated to be the 2nd largest market on the black market. Greedy people sell sand at very promising prices to building companies.TransportationTransportation is mainly done on ships that sail far away from Crazybloxian Empire’s land to traffick sand to many countries. Many rumours say that the ——Continued on next page

It’s like getting to the beach for free!

Get your Encyclosandbox

�5

C O N T I N U E D FROM P -4 • traffickers could be trafficking sand into Siwale, Archegnum, and Guslantis. They are also rumoured to be br inging sand into a second universe, as sightings of ships appearing and disappearing by C r a z y b l o x i a n Empire ’s p i lo t s approximately 586 nautical miles off it’s coa s t ha ve been reported. The point wa s ca l l ed the “Enigastra Point”. The Empire ha s dared to send scientists to venture into the “world” that the Enigastra Point leads to . Former sand miners have d i sappro ved and rejected the theory, instead describing the sand being used for an off-site island, rumoured to be a planning area set up by the WPSF to plan various attacks a ga ins t the Government. Divers are known to have impaired hearing, blurry eyes as they have to dive for sand

under water. The illegal sand mining industry has fallen just 37 billion sliding doors shor t o f revenue to the legal s and min ing industry involving licensed companies mining for sand . With the ammount o f s and now trafficked, there is a possibility of a huge erosion unleasing dama ge upon C r a z y b l o x i a n Empire ’s ma jor cities. And also, the i l l ega l s and trafficking industry o f Crazyb lox ian Empire has been dubbed “Sand Maf ia ” by many. There are many sand mafias, the largest one in operat ion be ing ca l l ed “Sanders”, extracting a p p r o x i m a t e l y 68,670 tonnes of sand every year. The sand, a s ide f rom be ing used in concrete making, used in burials for the poor, usual l y covered by mud, and sometimes the sand is illegally trafficked to underground glass

plants where glass is manufactured. The glass is then illegally trafficked to enter the g l a s s supp l y cha in , and eventually ends up in a s l iding door factory, to be used to make sliding doors, which i s the Empire ’s most symbolic industry. ——————-Many websites with info about this:

• sand.org/why-sand-i s - r u n n i n g - o u t /article-2018sun26aug-release.hrm• wikipedia.org/wiki/sand_mafia• i a . go v / i l l ega l -activities/mining/sand/articles/sand-mafia-mining_____\\\\

How Crazybloxian police are combatting sand trafficking, finally

As many people may know it, the police have been improving their efforts and ruthlessly combatting illegal sand mining. They ramped up inspections, and many other things. Many laws ha ve been enacted to

threaten sand mafias with ver y hard consequences shall they dare to get their hands on any sand. Sand is being heavily imported from Siwale, and trade from Sil Dorsett has been cut off.

�6

ILLEGAL SAND MINING PICTURES

There are six pictures here that document the horrible aspects of sand mining.

Clockwise from top-right:

1. A man extracts sand on the coast of the Crazybloxian Empire around 56km away from Garsyada. Doing this in excess could lead to muscle weakness due to the heaviness of the sand bucket.

2. A pile of sand on an illegal sand mining ship. Sand is usually extracted around 25km away from the coa s t but th i s extraction is not far from the coast.

3. A person gathers sand in a digger to take to a construction area in Crazybloxia.

4. A woman who we spoke to shows us a handful of sticky sand in her hand.

5. A truck transports illegally mined sand to a sorting facility where it is sent onto bigger trucks to cities.

6. The construction of a new flat in Crazybloxia. Crazybloxieha Groetu promised that every 5 years new buildings enough to be put seperately in a diffrent city and match the size of London, will be built.

Sand mafia gunmen are at your door right now

As many peop le know, the so-called sand mafias in this s tor y, w i l t r y anything to get the sand , inc lud ing murder. There are many brutal tactics used by sand mafias, inc lud ing the eviction of many residents. They have been force fu l l y evicting people who they cons ider a

threat to the i r “ sand” . The a u t h o r i t i e s desperately will do anything to get the sand maf ias , and mafia leaders have been getting nabbed in the recent months a s ne w b r e a k t h r o u g h s follow in the war against illegal sand.

�7

Empire slaps harshest ever sanctions on nations such as Sil Dorsett over alleged “defamation”

CRAZYBLOXIA • The president of the Empire, Crazybloxeha Groetu, has announced the impos ing o f sanction measures on many nations such as Sil Dorsett. The full list was not published. The accusations were over a l l eged “map -tampering”, defaming the Empire by intentionally rejecting a call for the recognition o f “Alora l a s i c R e p u b l i c ” , Crazybloxian Empire’s alias, to be recognized a s Crazyb lox ian Empire. The sanctions include trade between the nat ions and Crazybloxian Empire

be ing bar red , and constant bombardment o f i t ’s c i t i e s . The sanct ions a l so wi l l inc lude the intercept ion and des t r uct ion o f submarines operated by the nations on this list. The Empire is also all set to fire a set of nukes at Sil Dorsett’s capital city, and the president, Crazybloxeha Groetu is discussing with the Dec i s ion Counc i l members on whether S iwa le shou ld be nuked . The “Nuke Siwale” bill has been highly challenged by critics, but no criticism from Siwallians, as the g o v e r n m e n t

successfully suppressed al l news of the bil l f rom reach ing S iwa l l i ans . Many nat ions were sanctioned although a set of 18 nations were sanct ioned , more spec i f i ca l l y. The Empire ha s a l so s l apped money transfers and tourism to these countr ies . Bombers are expected to arrive on October 2 due to turbu lence concerns and will bomb major cities. Spy planes wil l also be sent 22 miles above the ground to spy on the activities. Further measures will be taken.

At a Pr int ing Co . pr int ing p lant in Crazybloxia, one man wa s check ing the printing roller and was curious to check the friction. His hand was caught by the rollers and the roller did not s top . Howe ver, a worker spotted the arm in the roller and ran to the “choir room” to te l l the pres s operator to turn off the pres s . The worker cal led rescuers and rescuers were quick to arrive at the scene. It took 1 hour and 28 minites to f ree the man’s arm from the rollers as the rescuers s t r ug g led to d i sa s semble the

machine . Doctors arrived at the scene, and said that the man would require skin reattachment surgery using artificial skin technology. The press operation manual had war ned a ga ins t touching the rol ler while it was running, although the worker d id not read the manual and ignored the ins t r uct ions . 263,200 sliding doors of medical bills were inflicted on the man. The man was given 400,000 sliding doors of insurance.

Person’s arm crushed after printing press accident

Slaughterhouse raided for animal cruelty; slaughter workers arrested for cruelty

A group o f 5 slaughterhouse workers faced charges in court on Saturday for a l leged animal cruelty in which they decapacitated over 193 cows, 226 pigs, and 1 ,338 chickens. They allegedly punched many pigs, and stepped on them for “fun”. However the court told them it was instead cruelty. They were a lso caught on camera te r ror iz ing ,

shouting at, and hurting an ima l s . The slaughterhouse was shut down and demolished. The police begun taking action against animal cruelty in 2026 after in tense pres sure , p rotes t s , and r iot s organized by animal rights’ organizations. By 2060, slaughterhouses wil l be il legal as the Empire plans to make the switch to lab-grown

meat and predicts lab-grown meat will cost 2.25 dollars per 520 grams my 2085 wi th the construction of a new meat growing plant to finish in 2059.

——//

After a l l , with the CVWPD vandalizing Wikipedia, it’s bound that Wikipedia is the worst website to ever hit the Internet. It has to be destroyed, as it blatantly goes against

the Empire’s moral values. It’s policies are insanely strict too. Crazybloxians have been hating Wikipedia so much there is a rebel organization that the Empire i s

currently fighting with as there is currently a civil war going on. The SRD is also one of the organizations involved in the c i v i l war between SRD, WPSF and the Government.

The horrible nature of the Wikipedia projectOpinion • Tambra Residuel

T h e S i w a l l i a n e t h n i c makeup in the Empire has grown to 20 mil l ion, with growth expected to inflate like a ba l loon in the future wi th the Crazybloxians a t 778,200,000 outnumberi-ng the S i w a l l i a n s significantly. The national f a i th i s expected to b e

procla imed when the E m p i r e ’ s popu la t ion reaches one b i l l i o n . Demograph-ics are seeing the Violetist faith gaining a sma l l e r foothold on t h e popu la t ion with around only 29,200 worshippers w i th the Christianity r e l i g i o n be ing the majority at 92 percent of it’s followers.

T h e S i w a l l i a n community currently has one member

Siwallian population reaches 20 million

�8Crazybloxian Empire beefs up for Delegate Day

The Empire has began to bee f up for De legate Day by i n t e n s i f y i n g production of former delegates’ flags and

littering flags of The North Pacific’s former delegates over various countries and cities. The Empire will begin preparing diplomatic

missions and make peace.

The po l i ce ha ve successfully destroyed and shattered a molestation gang terrorizing the girls, ladies, and women of the c i t i e s o f Br i tann ica , Crazyb lox ia , and Garsyada. The gang was estimated to be comprised of over 74,252 members operat ing in va r ious countr ie s . There a re rumours being voiced by anti-molestation vigilantes that they could establish a division in the nations of Guslantis and Archegnum, and so border security has been t i ghtened wi th r i gorous background checks that take 2 days for international entry, and 5 days for intercontinental entry, and interregional travel between regions. Travellers from Siwale are exempt . Howe ver travellers from Sil Dorsett and var ious other countries will be banned

until the Empire l ifts sanctions. The gang was comprised of eighteen ranks (main article: bit.ly/tct-2018wedaug29-link), descr ibed on the Crazyb lox ian Empire off ic ia l website . New measures will be put in place, and some people have gone too far with women protect ion , des ign ing gadgets designed to severely injure or k i l l any wou ld -be molester. Police will also patrol the cities with the highest concentration of victims and regularly stake out areas like changing rooms , re s t rooms/bathrooms, and toilets. Police are soon expected to ramp up their anti-molestation efforts and p lace adv i sor ie s that molest is a crime.

Can you solve these?

Huge molestation syndicate now gone for good: members arrested

72 ÷ 8 =52 − 17 + 50 − 836

If you can, do more daring

maths at our grand university for maths!

Forum and

Dispatch Edition of

TCT is down.

�9

COUNTRYBALLS

�10