Tabula RaSaMaRch 2012RooSevelT acadeMy

Issue No. 29 | Roosevelt Academy’s Student Newspaper | March 2012

Also inside:

CAMPUS LIFE“Clash of the Titans” Show Debate“Dr. van Gent would lead an attack during which North Koreans would be seduced into capitulation by Lady Gaga and McDonalds.” Dewi Zloch reports on one of SocRAtes’ most exciting debates to date.

SPORTSQuidditch College students worldwide mount their brooms to fly back to their childhood Harry Potter fantasies in a modern (and sadly magic-free) twist on the game of Quidditch. Tabula RASA explains the basics of what may well become a new addition to the range of sports played by muggle HP fans at RA.

ARTS & CULTURETime is money. Money is art. Art is time. Money becomes arbitrary in this new barter system where time becomes the new currency of a world in economic crisis. Time/Bank is the place where artists exchange their time invested in projects for supplies and other basic necessities.

OPINIONATEDRA on the InternetInstigating the institutional fee? Unnecessary. RA students Koen Bovend’Eerdt and Max Smeets propose an alternative to raising fees and point out a new opportunity: bringing RA and Middelburg to students world-wide. They introduce the Roosvelt Academy Online.

>> Page 4 >> Page 5

>> Page 6 >> Page 7

MORE THAN JUST FIGHTING PIRACY

PAGES 4 & 5

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Middelburg Test Panel: Pea Soup

By Beverly Sharma & Sally Wijers

Tabula RASA / Test Panel

Oh, the weather outside is frightful. And so is the temper-ature in most classrooms! So wrap yourself up in your gloves, scarves, and sweaters and get warm!

Luckily for you there is a fool proof way of getting warm dur-ing these cold days: pea soup - you’ll either love it or hate it! Pea soup is a typical Dutch dish and immensely popular during the winter season.

When there is talk of an ‘Elf-stedentocht’ and skating-fever is in the air, you will see Koek-en-Zopie stands pop up on or near frozen canals, selling pea soup to the hungry skaters. In the city centre of Middelburg, you only need to look twice to spot all the different pea soup offers. So, noble as we are, the Tabula RASA Test Panel set out to find the best pea soup for cold and hungry students! Cheerz

Cheerz is a grand café located on the market square. A sign outside states they offer pea soup with two slices of white bread and bacon.

The wait is very short, which means that Cheerz most likely reheats their soup in a micro-wave. The colour of the soup is a bit more brownish than one would normally expect from pea soup.

The same goes for the texture, which is more watery and has no visible peas. The soup is well filled with ‘rookworst’ (smoked sausage), pork, onion, and leek. Though well filled, the soup has a very one sided and extremely salty taste. The sausage, how-ever, is a real plus, having a full smoky flavour. The pieces of bread are fresh but the bacon’s flavour lacks.

Pro: Cheerz is a proper restau-

rant, which is a nice change from getting lunch to-go.Con: very salty taste and no visible peas

Nancy’s

Nancy’s is a very nice lunch-room in Langeviele. They serve pastries, homemade ice cream, and soup. You can even take your soup to-go. The atmo-sphere is very cosy and laid back. The pea soup comes with a well filled basket of mixed bread and butter. The bread is crispy and tastes great.

It is nice that they serve you the bread because the wait for the soup is quite long.

When it finally comes, the first thing to notice is the pleasant green of the peas. The soup is not very well filled but contains carrot, sausage, pork, and whole peas. The taste and texture of the soup are both satisfactory.

You can really taste the peas and the soup is nice and spicy. The texture is thick and mushy at the same time. The sausage is less pleasing. It has a strange texture and it does not have the distinct smoky flavour of ‘rook-worst’. Pro: proper pea taste of the soup, atmosphere of the es-tablishment, very filling meal thanks to the breadCon: long wait

A Domani

Is well-loved for their take away sandwiches and delicious coffee. Pea soup, however, is not their forte.

A Domani heats up Unox soup in a microwave and sells it for a ridiculously high price, though they do offer an accompanying baguette for an additional 75 cents.

The Unox soup is filled to the brim with potato (big plus!), carrot, pork, whole peas, sau-sage, and onion. All of the in-gredients have turned strangely soft, though. The colour of the soup is good, but the texture is very watery.

As for the taste, it is per-fectly OK, but nothing special. The sausage was, surprisingly, very disappointing. The Unox sausage did not have the much praised Unox taste. In fact, it had almost no taste at all. Even the bread was stale and taste-less.

Pro: close by, take awayCon: pricey for amount and quite tasteless

Hema

The Hema stood out in two ways. First of all, they did not use a microwave to heat the soup.

This did mean that the wait for the soup was quite long. Sec-

ondly, they were the only es-tablishment to serve rye bread with smoked bacon, as tradi-tion dictates.

This, however, is only a plus if you prefer rye bread over a simple baguette. When the soup is finally served, there is a mysterious and indefinable membrane floating on the soup.

Poking through it, and stir-ring the soup it becomes clear that it isn’t a very full soup. There are, for instance, no car-rots (which adds to the soups almost unnaturally green co-lour), no whole peas, and no pork. It does, however, contain pieces of potato.

The texture is pleasantly thick and the temperature is just right. The taste of the soup is good, but what really makes this soup is the authentic Hema ‘rookworst’.

From all the tested soups/sausages, this one has the full-est flavour, and also the best texture, meaning that the skin of the sausage really snaps when chewed. Though there are not a whole lot of vegeta-bles in the soup, there are a lot of sausage slices, which more than makes up for the lack of veggies.

Pro: good amount of soup, Hema ‘rookworst’, rye bread (for those who are a fan)Con: long wait, rye bread (for those who are not a fan).

Daily BoardChair Dorothée GreversSecretary Dewi ZlochTreasurer Wouter Dijkstra

Editorial BoardEditor in Chief Dorothée Grevers Arts & Culture Julia KnieCampus Life Zeynep Aydin, Dorothée Grevers, Nick Hirch-steinCurrent Affairs Dorothée GreversEntertainment Limo BaroudMiddelburg Dorothée GreversOpinionated Chelsea Tjin-Kon-KoenRA Lukas HadtsteinSports Nick Hirchstein

Design TeamDesign Manager Remco ZwetslootDesignersDorothée GreversEmma de MoelGideon SinkeRemco Zwetsloot

Promotion Manager Dewi ZlochPhotography by PhoRARoosevelt Academy Student As-sociation Board 2011/2012

Contact InfoRoosevelt AcademyLange Noordstraat 14331 CB MiddelburgThe Netherlands

tabularasa@roac.nl facebook.com/pages/Tabula-RASA/190309257678552

Disclaimer: Tabula RASA is edited, writ-ten, and published entirely by Roosevelt Academy students. It may not reflect or express the official views and opinions of Roosevelt Academy. Any and all mistakes are the responsibility of the Editors. Complaints, comments, and other issues should be e-mailed to the Editorial Team at tabularasa@roac.nl, including your full name and link to the university college (ex: student, instruc-tor, etc.). All reasonable e-mails will be dealt with and, so far as space allows, printed.

Colophon

Colour Brown-ish Pea soup green Green Artificial greenSausage Good sausage Strange sausage

taste Unox, but disappointing

Hema ‘rook-worst’

Additional Dish Bread and bacon Bread with butter

Bread Rye bread and smoked bacon

Price €3.50 €3.25 €3.70 €3.50Grade 6 8.5 7 7.5

From left to right: pea soup from Cheerz, Nancy’s, A Domani and Hema

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RA

“

“Clash of the Titans”Students Battle Against RA Faculty

During Show Debate

By Rachel WalkerRA Alumnus

Tabula RASA asked me to write a piece on life after RA, which is quite a challenge. Not because after having been gone from RA for half a year I have al-ready forgotten how to write in-cessantly under pressure, but be-cause I doubt life now falls into the category of life after RA. ‘Life after’ sounds like something died and will never influence one’s life again.

You can say life after cancer, communism, or the Harry Potter books, because they ended and in all likeliness will not return. As I am not comparing RA to cancer, communism, or Harry Potter and to my knowledge there is not a single ‘11 graduate who is not still involved with RA’s legacy, I am going to write about life flow-ing from RA.

In a multitude of cities such as Utrecht, Amsterdam, London, Oxford, Cambridge, Bristol, and Budapest graduates are still liv-ing and studying together. I my-self got to live with five ex-RAers in a massive London house which, even without Roggeveen’s excellent fire alarm system, has not burned down yet.

The naked torso of Spartacus, after spending years in Middel-burg, moved along with us and has a central place in our living room. I have also lost count of how many graduates still have boyfriends, girlfriends, and mas-sive crushes at RA, in addition to, of course, very good friends. London even experienced the wicked fall break mood thanks to eight RA visitors.

However, to offer some insight into life flowing from RA, here are things that have changed and which I think my fellow house-mates Sandra, Joram, Tessa, Anne, and Anne would agree on (and are of actual interest to you):

1) The distances! As the Burgh does not actually have very sig-nificant distances, you have not

February 15th. It was a rainy Wednesday evening when the SocRAtes show debate took place at the Spot. A student team had challenged a faculty to a debate on the following statement: “This House would

yet experienced the kind of im-pact distance has on your health, organisational skills and social conducts. Every day we travel the same amount of time as from Middelburg to Amsterdam and thus leave home 75 minutes be-fore class.

Whereas at RA I would nev-er dream of waking up twenty minutes before class, I now even have time for breakfast in the morning. Another measure which all of a sudden is of impor-tance is planning to see people as you will not randomly bump into them anyway. In addition, you develop a nice little metropoli-tan speed-walk and start to enjoy complaining about the tube.

2) The number of contact hours. RA provides a steady schedule of regular classes and even more regular deadlines. However, an MA seems to offer seas of time through limited con-tact hours until suddenly a num-ber of heavily researched papers are expected. Personally in ret-rospect I wish I had done some type of independent research during RA, because that is basi-cally what you will be doing after RA if you enter a postgraduate programme.

3) The bizarreness of focusing on one topic. On the one hand it is totally wonderful as you can compartmentalise your life a bit more. Instead of frantically scan-ning all information possible for a trace of something relevant to one of four courses, it is now possible to focus on building knowledge on a particular topic. Yet, luckily with so many differ-ent students around (and the use of pints), it is highly possible to have lengthy discussions on things totally unrelated to your study subject.

4) Realising what is outside the bubble. The great thing about living in a city like London is the sheer number of things you can be a part of, from open lectures, to public museums, live music, protests, and plays.

And one last thing that might be nice to know, it does not al-ways rain in London, those are just rumours.

Life After RAThe Tales & Experience

of an RA Alumnus

Dr. van Gent would lead an attack during which North Koreans would be seduced into capitulation by Lady Gaga and McDonalds.

Inge den Oudsten/Tabula RASAFrom left to right: Dr. Tobias van Gent, Dr. Micheal Burke, Prof. Barbara Oomen, and Prof. Giles Scott-Smith stand victorious after winning the SocRAtes show debate.

Frits Brouwer played host for the evening.

Remco Zwetsloot won “best speaker” of the debate.

By Dewi ZlochTabula RASA / Secretary

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Are you interested in joining us and our film projects? Email camera@roac.nl. All students are welcome!

Jaïr van der Stelt, Remco Zwet-sloot, and Bas Tönissen at-tempted to attack the statement using some very well-prepared speeches and arguments appeal-ing more to the ratio.

They were not very convinced that the “bombs and burgers” strategy of faculty would work and pointed out to them that North Korea is assumed to pos-sess nuclear weapons, which would make a war incredibly

dangerous. In addition, they ar-gued that Russia, being part of the UN Security Council, would never agree with the war. Their last argument was more of a moral complaint. They stat-ed that North Korea needed a change from within. A revolu-tion in North Korea would only be effective if the citizens of the country would stand behind it, or even better, created it.

When the debate ended, it was up to the audience to cast their vote. Host of the night, Frits Brouwer, announced that the students had decided that Rem-co Zwetsloot was the best debat-er of the night. However, it was the faculty team that won the en-tire debate with 52 votes versus

militarily intervene in North Korea”.

The faculty team consisting of Prof. Giles Scott-Smith, Dr. Tobias van Gent, Prof. Barbara Oomen, and Dr. Michael Burke had to defend this statement and prepared an incredibly good argument which included a “bombs and burgers” strat-egy.

After a sophisticated bomb-ing of North Korea and shut-ting down the country’s inter-net, Dr. van Gent would lead an attack during which North Korea would be seduced into Western capitulation by Lady Gaga and McDonalds.

The student team compris-ing of Willem van den Berg,

46 votes for the student team. It might be that it was not only their “bombs and burgers” strat-egy that led the faculty to their victory, but also Prof. Oomen’s speech which carefully consid-ered the citizens of North Korea.

However, the student team also did a great job and were well prepared in terms of argumen-tation. Nevertheless - according to the completely unbiased Dr. Lelieveldt, at least - it was a pity that they were not quite ready to improvise just yet.

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Current Affairs

www.wikipedia.comBy Dorothée Grevers

Tabula RASA / Editor in Chief

It’s the 18th of January and I turn on my laptop to search what that actor’s name was in that movie. However, instead of hav-ing the clean white trademark Wikipedia page appear, I am greeted by a black screen with the following text: “Today, the Wiki-pedia community announced its decision to black out the English-language Wikipedia for 24 hours, worldwide, beginning at 05:00 UTC on Wednesday, January 18”.

Wikipedia is one of several other organisations and compa-nies protesting against the insti-gation of the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA). These two bills have been around since late 2011 and have garnered much controversy. Though the intentions behind them seem justified and have been advertised as “helping to protect US property”, much de-bate has taken place concerning the effect they will have on the freedom of (online) speech, how much power the US government will have over what people in the US have access to online, and who and what gets to exist in the “free” world of cyberspace.

Many people are under the im-pression that these bills will have no impact on their lives and daily

use of the internet, but critics of the bills warn of the dire conse-quences that could arise if the bills get put into practice. Protests by Wikipedia, Reddit, and other organisations aimed to get this message across to internet us-ers by temporarily blocking their services in order to show what a censored and severly government controlled web could look like.

What are SOPA & PIPA?

The main goal of the two US bills is to fight online piracy and the distribution of it. For many years several industries, in par-ticular the entertainment and record industryies, have suffered losses due to mass online traffick-ing of copyrighted material. Re-cord sales have gone down while more and more people attain their music through various file shar-ing programs such as the Pirate Bay, Megaupload, and Limewire. Previous measures taken to coun-ter these problems include the Digital Milennium Copyright Act and most people will have come across messages saying “This video has been removed due to copyright infringement”, but so far these have been relatively un-successful in combatting piracy.

SOPA

Perhaps the most talked about one of both. As the name of the bill implies (Stop Online Piracy Act), the bill, introduced by the House of Representatives, is aimed at the prevention and ces-sation of online piracy. Piracy can

be understood as the illegal dis-tribution of copyrighted intellec-tual property that you do not own or do not have the permission to reproduce. This can range from music and movies to pharmaceu-ticals and designer handbags.

Websites containing, or even merely suspected of containing, copyrighted material run the risk of being sent a letter by intellec-tual property owners accusing the website of copyright infringe-ment and piracy. However, this form of censorship also extends to any site that has links to the site in question. For example, if the website has been indexed by Google, Google will too receive this quarantine notice demand-ing that the website be removed.

In addition, any companies such as PayPal or Visa would then

no longer be permitted to carry out payments through the web-site. Any advertisers affiliated with the website would be forced to withdraw their advertise-ments. The Internet Service Pro-

vider (ISP) of the website would no longer be accessibly to anyone wishing to enter the site.

The website, along with its af-filiates and any websites linking to it would have five days to block or remove the site in question. However, recent adjustments to the Act have required the permis-sion of the court before issuing such demands.

The blocking of copyright in-fringing sites would not only be restricted to sites based in the US. If a foreign website containing copyrighted intellectual property appeared in Google’s search re-sults, for example, Google would have to remove the site from its index and thus deny US citizens access to the site.

All this may sound fairly rea-sonable and justified and many

will think that besides giving up their free access to music and oth-er forms of entertainment, they will remain largely unaffected. Those critical of SOPA argue that this would not be the case.

Why? Because even if a web-site or its owner(s) do(es) not condone or endorse piracy, they have little control over what their users may post on their website. This means that websites such as Facebook, YouTube, Wordpress, Google, and basically any other site with a forum or opportunity for viewers to post something, can be removed. It would only require just one person to post something related to piracy (whehter it may be actual intellectual property or a link to another website contain-ing so) to get the website blocked.

Considering how many people make use of YouTube or Face-book each day, the chances of having this happen are colosal.

PIPAPIPA, the bill introduced by the

“This means that websites such as Facebook, YouTube, Wordpress, Google, and basically any other site with a forum or opportunity for viewer interaction, can be removed.”

International Student NewsTOKYO, JAPAN Math-

ematical Understand-ing Sub Par Among Uni-versity Students

Despite stereotypes about students from countries such as Japan, China, Korea, etc. being math geniuses, a recent study by the Mathematical Society of Ja-pan showed that these perceived ideas may be quite different from reality. 6,000 students from 48 Japanese universities were given a short questionnaire to fill out about simple math concepts (such as mathematical logic, comprehension, and description skills) covered in elementary, middle, and high school.

The survey indicated that a surprising one in four Japanese university students has difficulty defining the word “average” and only a mere 1.2% got all of the survey answers correct.

Of the all the student partici-pants, 40% were science majors. One possible explanation for the unexpected results is that

instead of learning why certain problems are solved in a par-ticular way, students are simply taught how to calculate without understanding the underlying ideas. Other theories include the fact that many university en-trance exams purely cover lan-guage abilities and the change from a more rigid education sys-tem to the “cram-free” approach instigated in the 1990s.

Think you know better? Try the question in the box on the right.

Senate, is very similar to SOPA. A key difference between the two is that SOPA includes a provi-sion that directly states that it is illegal to stream unauthorized copyrighted intellectual property.

NEW DELHI, INDIA College Students Cam-paign For a Free Tibet

Delhi University experienced a swarm of banners and mantras as hundreds of Indian college stu-dents marched through the city centre and university campus de-manding that human rights get respected in Tibet. The protest was organised by Students for a Free Tibet and the Delhi Uni-versity Student Union and more than 200 students participated.

The students expressed their solidarity and alliance with the Tibetans by condemning the re-cent killings that have taken place over the recent years. So far, the number of monks and nuns who have set themselves on fire in a protest against religious and cultural repression is estimated to be at least twenty. The pro-test followed a similar protest by Tibetan students in front of the Chinese embassy in New Delhi earlier in February. However, un-like the peacful protest that took place by the Indian students, the Tibetan students’ protest resulted in 35 detainments.

Have you spotted any interesting news related to students around the world?

Let us know at tabularasa@roac.nl

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Current Affairs

PIPA does not. Nevertheless, both bills jeopardise user freedom on the web, threaten online secu-rity, and are heavily criticised for violating the First Amendment to the US Constitution Bill of Rights (regarding freedom of speech and censorship).

The amount of press coverage the two bills have achieved has had an effect on whether or not the bills get passed. Compared to SOPA, PIPA has gotten relatively less media attention and thus is thought to have a great chance of being passed. At the moment, PIPA has been passed out of com-mittee and will soon be consid-ered by the entire Senate.

One reason for SOPA having attracted more coverage is that it is the only bill of the two to re-quire search engines to remove so-called “foreign infringing sites”. Therefore, unlike PIPA, it is easier to block sites with SOPA than it is with PIPA.

However, PIPA is thought to leave accused websites more vul-nerable as despite requiring a court order, the accusing intellec-tual property copyright holders are not responsible for any losses the website suffers while having to deal with the legal issues, even if the intellectual property com-

and the government itself may ex-ploit the bills in order to remove any site that is in dsicord with government policy and opinion. Denying people the right to ex-press their opinions and prohib-iting them access to the opinions of others can lead to an Orwellian state of isolation, ignorance, sup-pression, social injustice, and a totalitarian state.

against the bills include those who will most likely be affected the most (ex: Google, ) as this will result in a denial of services that millions of people make use of ev-ery day. A “hacktivist” group go-ing by the name Anonymous has threatened those responsible and in favour of the bills with cyber attacks and shutting down of gov-ernment and intellectual property related websites. So far they have already had some success, esp. in terms of protecting and sustain-ing Wikileaks, another archnem-esis of the US government.

Together people will have to stand up against the bills. The bills have not yet been passed and this is due to the profilic media atten-tion and abundant criticism they have assembled so far. However, intellectual property holders have long been campaigning for more severe retribution of copyright in-fringment and their arguments of wanting to protect what’s theirs is relevant. Nevertheless, the cu-mulative potential damage that will most likely result from the passing of the bills is, according to many people, worse than the harm endured by those in favour of SOPA and PIPA.

pany is proven wrong. Both bills threaten online se-

curity. This is because both bills require US Doman Name System (DNS) servers to deny users ac-cess to sites that do not comply with what is stated in the bills. If someone tries to access a blocked site, they will receive a messages-tating that the website no longer exists or has been “removed”.

increase the risk of cyber attacks and further damage to individual computers and the larger online network as a whole.

SOPA & PIPA and the Free-dom of Speech

It is evident from the great scrutiny websites will undergo by the US government and intellec-tual property holders that SOPA

and PIPA will greatly affect the liberty online users will have if the bills get passed. Those vehe-mently opposed to the bills have drawn parallels between the un-derlying consequences the bills will have on censorship and the suppression of dissidence and freedom of speech in countries such as China.

Many also fear that companies

“...intellectual property copyright holders are not responsible for any losses the website sufferes...even if[they are] proven wrong.”

The problem is not only the fact that many websites provide access to pirated material, but the fact that the banning of those web-sites, even if they only include one comment on a forum from a user participating (perhaps even un-knowingly) in copyright infring-ment, will be shut down which may have widespread ramifica-tions. Some groups particularly

Moreover, the bills also prevent websites and search engines from publising or providing any links to sites explaining how to get around sites blocked by SOPA and PIPA. Some critics have sug-gested that the bills will interfere significantly with online security,, leaving those trying to access blocked sites vulnerable to vi-ruses and hacks which then only

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and t h a t it is p o s s i b l e to develop and sustain an alternative econ-omy by connecting existing needs with unac-knowledged resources.”

Due to the current financial budget cuts in the arts and cul-ture sector, an international network of visual art profes-sionals called e-flux introduced the Time/Bank project.

The Time/Bank network was first set up by e-flux in New York and in May 2011, e-flux set up Stroom, an art gallery opened up the e-flux branch in the Hague. Stroom is a public art and architecture centre that organises projects, exhibitions, and workshops for artists and the locals. Time/Bank can also be accessed on its on-line plat-form where goods and services can be exchanged.

With this new method of ex-change, people are able to offer

their s k i l l s

in ex-change for

T i m e / B a n k credits. This ex-

change mostly oc-curs on-line where

people present and offer their expertise. When the task or job has been carried out, credit hours are transferred.These can come in any amount of minutes or hours. For example, services such as website design, transla-tions, or editing of work are all available by people who possess the proficiency to perform these tasks. In return they are given Time/Bank credit hours or a Time/Bank bank-note accord-ing to the amount of time they spent on this task.

What can you do with these Time/Bank credits or notes? They can be used as currency when you need to pay some-one else for their ‘time’ or you can go to the Time/Store. This is where Time/Bank users can actually spend their minutes to

buy physi-cal items.

In the New York Time/Bank store peo-

ple are able to buy basic necessities such as food and

toiletries. Recently Time/Bank stores have also been opened in the Hague and Maastricht. Moreover, several stores in these cities, such as the local cinema, started to accept these time/bank credits as an alterna-tive currency as well.

This method of exchange does come with certain skepticism. The Time/Bank exchange does require trust between all partic-ipants. Whoever is performing the service has to be honest and have the other’s best interest at heart. Especially when it comes to online exchange this can be questionable.

Furthermore, the Time/Bank network has not been around very long and it is still very small in scale. This micro-economy does not provide a replacement to the euro but works as an ad-ditional currency to exchange goods and services.

The Time/Bank network is slowly spreading. Branches already exist in cities such as Frankfurt and Sidney. The on-line network is able to reach out to a global community and bring together people and build new relationships.

In the current times of bud-get cuts and austere measures, Time/Bank is a creative method that combines art, often seen as an unproductive element of so-ciety, with the economic forces that keep production running.

For additional information: E-flux Time/Bank: http://www.e-flux.com/projects/list Time/Bank: http://e-flux.com/timebank/

Time is money. Money is art. Art is time.

A creative contemplation

By Barbara SoethoutWriter/Tabula RASA

As tuition fees rise steadi-ly, students are also forced more and more to think about the profitability of their univer-sity degrees. This is more than relevant to the following story: Time/Bank.

This is a project that was firstly introduced to students and inhabitants of Middelburg during the Vleeshal art work-shop I can, I can’t, I care that took place in mid October 2011. It is a creative form of the resis-tance of the contemporary dy-namics of the market system in which the human component of real production time loses more and more value.

The future belongs to Time Banking! What is it? This new trading system allows for the trading of service hours rather than of physical money.

Since the start of the econom-ic crisis in 2008, money has more than often been reflected upon as primarily a system in the hand of political authori-ties, staying non-relational to the production time of goods on the other side of the economic cycle.

It goes back to the philo-sophical questions of what value really is and how it can be measured, but also poses the question of why millions of people are giving their consent to the use of paper money as a common currency in the first place.

Especially today, with the disappearance of subsidised art and culture programs, commu-nities are finding creative ways to secure the often time inten-sive, and thus perhaps ineffec-tive, production process in the arts. In the Time/Bank project, the time spent on production becomes the measure of the value of goods and products.

It is “based on the premise that everyone in the field of cul-ture has something to contribute

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Tabula RaSaMaRch 2012RooSevelT acadeMy Sports

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Quidditch

By Dewi ZlochSecretary/Tabula RASA

Everyone who has read the Harry Potter series, must have thought, once, twice, or a mil-lion times: “I wish I could attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.” Which makes sense, because what is more ap-pealing than magic? Everything can happen with a simple flick of your wand, you can talk to snakes, you can fly on a broom, and even better, you could play

a press storm and hundreds of college quidditch teams in the United States were formed. In March 2010, the International Quidditch Association was es-tablished.

One might understand that Middlebury College, and later the IQA, seemingly stood in front of an impossible task: how could one play a magical game without magic? Fortunately, the IQA considered the answer to be fairly easy: one simply leaves the magic out. No snitches, no flying brooms, no enchanted quaffles or bludgers, no magic at all.

At first sight, it might seem

“The snitch runner has a sock taped to his shorts, and this sock carries the snitch.

- Dewi Zloch

Courtesy of Ethos MagazineA muggle ‘flying’ through the air attempting a goal.

the hands or legs.” A broom has to be at least 40 inches long but the recommended broom length is 46 inches.

On each side, there are three chasers and they have to score goals by throwing a volleyball (called a “quaffle”) through one of the three goal hoops. Each team has a keeper to defend the goal hoops.

In addition, each team also has two beaters, who use dodge balls (called “bludgers”) to disrupt the flow of the game by “knocking out” other players.

This leaves us with the seventh player, who is a very special one, and he or she is called the seeker. Harry Potter himself was a seek-er. The seeker’s role is to find the snitch and when he succeeds, his or her team will earn a bonus number of points and the game is ended immediately. Normally, the team whose seeker finds and catches the snitch, will win.

In fictional quidditch, the snitch is a magical ball the size of a walnut, with tiny wings that en-able the ball to fly through the air at a very fast speed.

In non-fictional quidditch, the snitch is attached to the snitch runner. This runner has a sock taped to his shorts, and this sock carries the snitch. The snitch runner is always dressed in yel-low or gold and does not require a broom. He or she should avoid that one of the seekers grabs the snitch out of the sock, and there-fore it is allowed for him or her to use physical contact, or to use trickery such as “riding a bicycle, climbing trees, or hiding in the audience”.

All in all, this is how the game is played. Obviously, non-fiction-al quidditch differs slightly from the game of quidditch that J.K. Rowling had in mind. However, it has some rather entertaining aspects. If you feel like having fun, or just feel like procrastinat-ing, it is recommended to look up some college quidditch games on YouTube. It will surely bring some magic to your computer screen.

when it is still dark out, it meant that competitors in the tour had to break the curfew imposed by the German occupiers. In the end 1900 contestants risked their freedom to participate, and some them ended up in jail or received a large fine, but were happy to pay, as long as they could finish the tour.

Willem Augustine holds the re-cord for finishing the highest num-ber of tours. He completed the race for nine times. The first time, in 1941, he was only seventeen and he had to bike all the way from Am-sterdam, approximately 200 kilo-meters, to even start in Leeuwar-den (the first of eleven cities in the race). The last time he finished the race, was in 1997 at the age of 73. Augustine’s legacy has landed him eternal fame in the country of the Elfstedentocht and in the mind of every ice skater.

Up till today, the twelfth edition of the Elfstedentocht is known as the most legendary of them all. The condition of the ice was awful, but not as bad as the weather. There was wind, snow, and the starting temperature was minus twelve de-grees. From the 9,862 skaters that started on the first day, only 127 would reach the finish line. In 2010 a movie was made about ‘The Hell of ‘63’. The last Elfstedentocht was held in far better circumstances in 1997.

Until now, an Elfstedentocht has never been held after February, but with global warming and its sur-prises you will never know, so be prepared!

Whenever Dutch weather re-ports expect temperatures to drop below freezing, every native of the Netherlands starts to act strangely. And as soon the thermometer hits minus five, the Dutch go a bit crazy. This is mostly because there might be an Elfstedentocht (Eleven Cities Tour) in the air. The tour might be famous among the Dutchies, how-ever for everybody else, here is a quick explanation of the tradition.

In short, the tour is an ice skat-ing race of 200 kilometers (or 120 miles), which passes eleven cit-ies in Friesland, a province in the north of the Netherlands. The first organised tour was held in 1909 and since then, only fifteen tours have been held. The last Elfsteden-tocht was fifteen years ago. That is why, whenever there is a layer of ice on any water surface, you see a little twinkle in the eyes of the Dutchmen.

Unfortunately, there has to be at least fifteen centimeters of ice on average to organise the tour. This winter was actually the first time since 1997 that there was almost enough ice to actually come close to organizing another Elfsteden-tocht.

How far people would go to skate the tour is clearly illustrated in the seventh edition, which was held during the German occupa-tion in 1941. Since the Elfsteden-tocht starts in the early morning

By Nick HirchsteinTabula RASA /Sports Editor

The Crazy Elfstedentocht

quidditch (a fictional sport played on brooms)!

There is good news for all those people who always won-dered what it would be like to play quidditch: from now on, you can play quidditch at your col-lege!

The magical sport of quidditch was made possible for muggles (those who have been banned from a life of magic) by the In-ternational Quidditch Associa-tion. This association finds its origin in Middlebury, where the first real-life quidditch game was played in the fall of 2005 at the local college. Two years later, the first quidditch World Cup took place: a match between Middle-bury College and Vassar College from Poughkeepsie.

When Middlebury College re-alized their World Cup was not worth much because the only contestants came from Pough-keepsie, they did a tour during which they visited six other col-leges in the country. This led to

very disappointing that the IQA does not deliver anything super-natural. Yet, the IQA has pub-lished something very special: the quidditch handbook. 172 pages long, it can be bought as a paperback version for $19.99 or download from the website for $2.99. Luckily, it is also possible to download the IQA rulebook for free, which consists of a mere 142 pages.

Now, quidditch does not come across as a very straightforward sport to learn. Nevertheless, as the IQA points out in their rule book: “Once familiar with the ba-sic rules, quidditch is an exciting sport to watch and even more ex-citing to play.” Sounds hopeful.

The first and most important rule is that the seven players of each team have to mounted on a broom at all times.

As the rule book clearly states: “In order to be mounted on a broom, a player must have the broom straddled between his or her legs and it must be held up by

Tabula RaSaMaRch 2012

RooSevelT acadeMy Campus Life

8

WWWO

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RA Student

By Natascha LinssenRA Student

How I Earn My Money The Adventures

“Why are you never here dur-ing the weekend?” is one of the questions that I get the most. The reason is very simple. Be-cause of money, or more specifi-cally, because of my job(s). I am lucky enough to have a job that I love doing, where a lot of my friends work as well, and that pays good money to top things off.

Since 2007 I work at the the-atre, het Stadstheater, in my home town, Zoetermeer. One of the things I love most about it is the variety the job offers. On a regular evening you stand be-hind the bar, poor drinks, check tickets, clean, do the dishes, hand out hearing aids, and, most importantly, you make sure the guests are happy.

If you are really lucky, your task of the evening is the so-

Since the beginning of this se-mester I have been working as a housekeeper for Zorgstroom, a healthcare organization on Walcheren. I help cleaning the homes of people houses who

called “Zaalwacht Zaal” - by far the coolest job you can have. What it entails? You simply oc-cupy one if the seats in the au-ditorium, watch the show, and get paid for it. I have to admit though that the Zaalwacht Zaal is officially there in case of an emergency and so this person is responsible for the evacuation of the auditorium.

However, there hasn’t been a need for this yet and there-fore one essentially gets paid to watch the show. On days when the yearly performance of the local elderly opera club/toddler gymnastics/line dance club is held, this shift is not as much fun as it could be. But all in all, the job still is great fun and did al-ready mention that it pays well?

Next to this job I have another theatre related job that does not pay as much, but is a lot of fun as well. I teach musical theatre classes to children aged between eleven and fourteen years old ev-ery Saturday morning between 9.00(!!) and 13.00.

By Nick HirschsteinSports Editor / Tabula RASA

To Borrow or Not to BorrowYour student days are sup-

posedly the best days of your life. That is why you would rather work as little as pos-sible and enjoy your free time instead. At the Roosevelt Acad-emy you already have a lot of academic work that needs to be done, so a lucrative job next to this is usually not an option - or at least not if you still want some sleep.

As though studying is not enough of a financial incon-venience, you also have to pay your rent, books, food, and clothes. Where does all the money come from? Of course parents are there for support,

but we could all use a little bit more money at the end of the month.

And then there were student loans. For Dutch students it is quite easy: Dienst Uitvoer-ing Onderwijs (DUO) provides them with loans, and, in some cases, does so for international students, too. When you finish your degree within the allotted time period, the standard loan that is granted to students even turns into a gift.

This basic package roughly covers part of your rent during your stay at RA. If you are in need of more money, you can even borrow more from DUO at a ridiculously low interest rate.

Unfortunately, this has to be repaid. It looks all too easy, but there are some downsides. For example, the international

website of DUO is highly com-plicated and it hard to under-stand whether or not you are eligible for a loan or grant. There are also many conditions that must apply to you in order for you to set up your loan. This is the case for both Dutch and international students. If you decide not to complete your degree for example, you are re-quired to start paying the mon-ey back as soon as you receive your first paycheck.

On the other hand, when you do finish your degree, you start paying off you debt (if you have taken out an additional loan) after ten years. How much you have to pay per month depends on your salary and on whether or not you remain employed.

In the end it is easier to bor-row money from DUO than from a bank, since DUO tends

to be much more considerable (after you have found your way through the Dutch bureaucrat-ic system that is).

So why does not every stu-dent simply borrow the highest amount possible every month? Those extra €400 a month are more welcome now than in ten years time, especially since ev-ery RA student is destined to become a millionaire.

Other factors to consider are these: if you borrow €400 ev-ery month for the entire three years you spend at RA, you will be down €14.400 (plus inter-est) by the end of your degree. This is a rather scary amount.

On top of that, many students wish to continue studying for a master, PhD, or a second bach-elor degree. The fee for a mas-ter degree in the Netherlands is going to be raised and in popu-

lar countries such as England, the United States, and Austra-lia a master degree is already very expensive, not to mention certain private institutions. To finance a master degree, very generous parents and perhaps a scholarship or another loan would be necessary.

Student loans are sometimes a necessary evil but it would be wise to put them off for as long as possible as you cannot pre-dict what the future will hold. However, a student is obligated to enjoy their life and should be allowed to act a bit irrespon-sible at times.

A student loan at the DUO is still cheaper at with a normal bank and if you already know that you are going to be the next CEO of Shell, you might be better off borrowing a little bit of extra money while at RA.

The time slot is slightly un-fortunate but I guess one can get used to it and you will be surprised how much energy twelve year olds have at this time of day. (I can only imag-ine how happy the parents must be that we provide them with a nice and quiet Saturday morning.) Together with my partner we teach the children the basics of the most essen-tial dance styles in theatre. We cover everything from hip hop to jazz and show-dance.

Three times a year the chil-dren can choose go to a musi-cal camp. There they rehearse for seven days from 9.00 to 17.00 and in the last weekend of the camp, they have their performance. Exhausting but rewarding.

So for those who wonder where I spend my weekends and why I’m never in Middel-burg, this is why. And on top of all the fun I have doing my jobs, it is helping me pay for my exchange as well.

are ill, disabled, or otherwise in need of help. I believe it is a very rewarding job because the peo-ple whose houses get cleaned are always so grateful.

Often they want to help as well or wish to chitchat with me. This frequently results in hilarious conversations about their past about such as the bad mischie-vous stuff they did when they were young. One day, when I

Tabula RaSaMaRch 2012RooSevelT acadeMy Campus Life

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By AnonymousRA Student

Being a Call Center Employee

By Sally WijersRA Student

Not Having a Job is Awesome

Not having a job is awesome. Of course there are some obvi-ous disadvantages, but people tend to overlook the amazing feeling that accompanies not having extra responsibilities. (Well, not having as much re-sponsibilities because a Roos-evelt Academy’s student life is plenty of work already.)

During the week, not having a job means that I am never tired for the “wrong” reasons. If I look like I’m about to fall asleep in class it is because I was watching a whole sea-son of The Big Bang Theory in one go. Or because I was out drinking. Instead of tir-

of a Housekeeperwas vacuum cleaning an elderly couple’s living room, we were having a nice conversation.

Suddenly, the man started talking about how the doctor had advised him to dance as this would improve his physical con-dition. He said that every Sun-day he did a sexy dance with his wife in the kitchen and started to giggle. He was eighty-two! I have to say that at that moment

I did not know whether I should laugh or just look disturbed, but it was a really funny moment.

This was just one of the ex-treme cases, but when having these conversations you see these people light up and that is why it is so rewarding. Besides that fact that their homes stay clean, they have an opportu-nity to have some fun and enjoy themselves socialising as these

people are not able to get out much.

Another advantage of work-ing in the healthcare is that it pays well. This may sound greedy, but we are students af-ter all and we like some extra money. And why not have a re-warding job that pays well? To some people the idea of clean-ing the houses of strangers may sound not very appealing. In some way, you are invad-ing someone’s private life. It might feel a bit weird to clean a “stranger’s” toilet.

Also, it can be difficult some-times to cope with the people where you have to work. They do not like to give up their independence or sometimes they talk non-stop about their problems. If you are not able to handle conflicts or critique, this may not be your kind of job.

However, I think it will be easy for the average social person to know how to handle these ‘difficult cases’ because to a certain extent I think you can understand why these people behave the way they do. However, you are always in-formed by Zorgstroom before-hand about the people’s situa-tion, so that you can prepare.

In the end, it is a very good job for a student as there is a lot to do and you can manage it easily together with your schoolwork. Also, it is really rewarding to help people out. Every shift I have brings some-thing new and never have I had a boring shift.

Before you think of the annoy-ing type of call center employee who calls you during dinner and tries to rip you off, I want to clar-ify some things. I was not one of those. I worked in a call center where people could complain and/or ask questions. When you work in such a call center, you will learn a valuable lesson about companies. They want as little responsibility as possible! Once a customer, who had sent their product in for repair, inquired about the status. The only thing I was allowed to respond with was: “I am sorry, we are only the in-termediary and are not allowed to answer your question” even though I easily could help them out. When customers wanted to complain about the service, I had to write the complaint down and make sure my bosses would get it and improve their service. They usually just tore the paper apart and threw it in the bin. All in all, working in a call center teaches one to lie and talk smooth.

However, those are only nega-tive aspects of the work but there are also positive aspects as well. For example, learning to talk the way a call center employee does is also a valuable lesson as you learn to improvise and respond to questions to which you do not know the answer to. Not only has

this helped me in everyday life, it also helped me to answer ques-tions in class when I did not do the homework. Another useful skill you gain from this job is the ability to listen, make notes while listening, and to immediately make a distinction between the main and sub-points.

Besides the discussion of whether the job is of any value, other things such as fun, work-ing hours, and salary are also im-portant. The company I worked at gave us enough time to joke around and pull pranks. The team’s average age was about thirty, with employees ranging from eighteen to forty-five years old. The working hours differed a lot as some worked forty hours a week and others had to adjust their hours to their schedule (for example, students like myself). Some think that working in a call center gets you like ten to fif-teen euro’s an hour. Well, not at these kinds of call centers. When I was hired, they told me I would receive the minimum wage for a twenty-one year old. Even though I was eighteen at the time, they hired me nevertheless because they were in dire need of part-time employees. This meant that I earned only six euros an hour.

Even though working in a call center has some ups and downs, I would not recommend it as a full time job. However doing this work for a year can be really valu-able and teach you some handy skills to use later in life.

ing myself by serving drinks to customers, I tire myself by getting drunk.

It also means I do not have any extra worries about plan-ning schoolwork. A test on Thursday? No worries, I’ll spend all Wednesday evening studying. Never do I have to check my work schedule, just maybe the TV guide or my up-coming events on Facebook.

As for the weekend, I do not want to brag, but I sometimes sleep eleven hours a night. I will wake up at noon and have breakfast for an hour or so. When I have nothing spe-cial planned, I can just lounge around the house in my py-jamas. Maybe open a school-book or two.

Being able to do so helps me blow off steam. RA is stress-

ful and even during the week-end some ten percent of my brain is constantly focused on schoolwork. Imagine having the stress of RA life, together with the stress of keeping up with friends (read: checking Facebook vigorously) and the additional stress that comes with having a job. Can you say “Quarter-life crisis”?

There may be some advan-tages to having a job, though, but I disagree with most of them. Your parents might say it would be good to have the experience.

But why? What kind of job will you, as an undergraduate student, get? Probably some-thing along the lines of waiting tables, cleaning apartments, or working in a shop. Are any of these options among your

future careers of choice? How much relevant experience will you earn taking up a job like this? Very little, I’m afraid.

Then the most important aspect of having a job, the true reason behind all this suffer-ing: the dough, the green, the dinero. Money is nice; money allows you to buy stuff. And you know you love stuff.

Those jobless bums, like me, might not have the same budget as their fellow, work-ing students. But managing your budget is a simple mat-ter of getting your priorities straight. Save some money on your groceries by paying attention to special offers or buy cheaper brands (expen-sive brands are not necessar-ily better).

Also, try to be creative with

your money. Let me share some knowledge with you about ‘Bring Your Own Booze (BYOB)’ parties.

You could bring a bottle of vodka, or, if you want to save some money, you can bring a bottle of wine. But if you are really smart, you bring a couple of bottles of soda. Let the students who have jobs bring the vodka. They prob-ably will not think of bring-ing something to mix it with and when they do, it is usu-ally not enough. So when you bring soda, all the richer stu-dents will be so grateful that they will be happy to give your soda an edge.

So next time you wake up early for your job, think of me. Because I am still sleep-ing and cannot think of you.

Tabula RaSaMaRch 2012

RooSevelT acadeMy Opinionated

10

International Internet College Roosevelt AcademyTranslating the ideas of LAS to the internet.

By: Koen Bovend’Eerdt & Max Smeets

RA Students

RA needs to put itself on the map. RA needs to become more international. And RA needs money.

RA, not unlike other Dutch universities, could use a little something to fill up its piggy bank. Many Dutch universities have found a way to do this. For instance, Utrecht University of-fers summer school programs, boasting over 100 courses, mak-ing it one of the largest programs in Europe. After starting small in 1987, it has slowly but surely grown to become the summer school behemoth it is now. And what an investment it has been: UU professors got a little money

on the side, facilities were being used optimally, and it raised na-tional and international recogni-tion of UU.

RA has tried to walk down the same path. Even though only few courses have been offered, feed-back seemed generally positive. Nonetheless, a fair assessment has to be made about its poten-tial. On such a small scale, with

Yerseke and Capelle-Biezelinge, this is probably not what most people are looking for. We imag-ine that most international stu-dents, coming to the Nether-lands for a summer, will want to spend their time in Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Utrecht etc. Also, RA is lacking in facilities.

So does this mean that RA should simply not offer anything

signed up for a course to do a couple of hours of reading every week and answer questions on a discussion board or watch online lectures. The courses are, mostly, taught by Oxford PhD students.

We have enough great instruc-tors to set up a course, enlight-ening also non-RA students with material they teach us in their regular courses. The only prob-

only few international students, what benefits does this bring to Middelburg? Is it financially worthwhile? And does it boost RA’s image outside of the Neth-erlands? Not really.

The main reason for this is ar-guably Middelburg’s geographi-cal remoteness. While we have become accustomed to the jerky train ride through Kruiningen-

at all outside its fifteen week cur-riculum? Of course not. What RA needs to do is to translate its lib-eral arts & sciences philosophy to the internet. Say what?

RA should offer online courses – around 200 euro’s each for ten weeks – taking the set-up of the online course system of Oxford University as a platform to work from. Oxford requires students

“RA should offer online courses – around 200 euro’s each for ten weeks – using the system of Oxford University as a platform to work from.

- Koen Bovend’Eerdt & Max Smeets

day, whichever is preferred). Ad-ditionally, this creates a target audience going beyond what is possible optimally, thereby not only increasing international awareness of the existence of our “small liberal arts college located in Middelburg”, but also bring-ing in those much beloved extra euros. Sounds like a positive-sum game to us.

If such a program were to be set up, sprinkled with some of that RA magic, we would have something unique to boast about. It would be a misperception to state that online courses would rid Roosevelt of that which it holds dear: interactive teaching, small groups of students, contin-uous assessment, and a diverse group of students. These can, with the right approach, all be integrated in the online course model.

The fact that something like this does not yet exist (so far) does not mean it is impossible. The only thing that it does show is an unspoiled market niche, waiting to be exploited. RA is vitalising education and if RA wants to be at the forefront of new developments in education, then this is an option that de-mands considerable thought.

lem might be the setting up of the online machinery in order to get things going. However, this is not an insurmountable problem, but does require an initial invest-ment.

Such a program then solves RA’s “remoteness problem”. The only distance students will have to bridge is from their bed to their desk (or stay in bed all

ADVERTISEMENTInvesting in the Future

From the very first day of el-ementary school, kids are told to do their absolute best; all through middle school they are encour-aged to always do homework; and when they graduate high school they are expected to get a college degree. Children grow up learn-ing that an education is the way to success.

So what if the choice to learn would be taken away? And are the students themselves the main ones benefitting from academic knowledge?

The Dutch governmental au-thorities have long been playing with the idea of changing the cur-rent Dutch students’ right to stud-

By: Chelsea Tjin-Kon-KoenOpinionated Editor / Tabula RASA

iefinanciering (student bursaries). After much consideration, it seems they have agreed on stopping the ‘basisbeurs’ once students have obtained their bachelor degree. In other words, financial support would not be given for a master degree or PhD.

Just to be reasonable, let us consider the motives that drive this change. Students would al-legedly take their education more seriously when they themselves are responsible for the costs. They would make a more conscious choice about the field of study and stop switching from one course of study to another. This would lead to the elimination of the “eter-nal student”. Also, a lot of money would be saved: an estimated 500 million euro by 2015. Yes, in the end, it is (still) all about the num-bers.

One has to ask though, have the inevitable results been considered thoroughly? First of all, attending university is very expensive. There are very few students who would be able to pay for themselves, even with the help of their parents. The current basisbeurs amounts to 266 euros. Considering the aver-age rent of a student facility is 350 euros, it is not as though students

are being spoiled. Facing the facts, it would mean

that a complete college education would be reserved exclusively for the rich. The rich being a minority in society, most students would be forced to either apply for a student loan or to stop with their formal higher education.

Although a bachelor degree pro-vides a firm base, it is the master degree that contains all the essen-tial means to make one a special-ist in their field. For RA students in particular, further education is of vital importance. We all appre-ciate the broad character of RA’s program, but there comes a time when a more focused schooling is (perhaps) required.

After completion of their mas-ter degree, many students root their career in the Netherlands. Since they will surely contribute to the country’s economy and exper-tise, it seems more than fair that they receive some financial sup-port from their country. After all, knowledge is power.

The government tells students to get a loan and call it “an invest-ment in [themselves].” But really, they should think again and make an investment in the country’s fu-ture.

Want to become a (better) diver? Join the PADI diving courses at all levels this semester.

For beginners: The Open Water Diver course will get you familiar with breathing under water, preventing dangerous situations and knowing what to do when something goes wrong. The certificate you will get will be recognised all over the world for future dives. Lessons consist of 5 dives in a swim-ming pool and a number of outdoor dives. SportsCo managed to get a 10% discount, so 365 euro is the costs.

For experienced divers: The Advanced Open Water Diver and Rescue Diver courses will be around 225 euro. More info on request.The first dives will be on:14 March – 28 March – 11 April – 25 April – 2 MaySign up now by sending an email to sports@rasa.roac.nl or email us for more information.

PADI Diving Course

Tabula RaSaMaRch 2012RooSevelT acadeMy Entertainment

11

By Limo BaroudEntertainment Editor / Tabula RASA

The “Basically” Script:TRANSFORMERSTabula RASA saves you a few hours of your life each issue by

telling you what ‘’basically’’ hap-pens in movies.

FADE IN:EXT. SOME KIND OF GENERIC DESERTED MIDDLE EAST AREA WHERE SH*T’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN! Four macho military guys, JOSH DUHAMEL, TYRESE GIBSON, AMAURY NO-LASCO and ZACK WARD, clearly chosen for their looks rather than acting ability, are wandering this beauti-fully generic war zone.

JOSH DUHAMELWhere in the world are we?

TYRESE GIBSONWAR MAN. WAR.

JOSH DUHAMELYeah, but why? Which war? Do we get to know anything or is this one of those movies where it doesn’t re-ally matter what happens or where things happen because you know

everything is gonna be blown up in about two seconds.

TYRESE GIBSONDude, what’s wrong with those mov-

ies?!

JOSH DUHAMELNothing, I’m just saying. I wish I at least knew something about my character so that I can tap into my emotions and deliver an honest

performance you know..

ZACK WARDHA-HA. WTF. ROFL. OMG. BRB.

TYRESE GIBSONSo...we’ve been talking crap for

about three minutes now - you think that’s enough time for DIRECTOR MI-CHAEL BAY to feel like he can start

blowing up shi...

JOSH DUHAMELDude, that helicopter… it doesn’t

look right.

TYRESE GIBSONIt looks just fine.

JOSH DUHAMELNo seriously. My script tells me we should all look at that pretty generic helicopter with wide-eyed faces and start making weird hand signs to each other in slow motion.

A HELICOPTER transforms (see where the title of the movie comes from) into A SUPERDUPER GIGANTIC ROBOT CREATURE and starts a SUPERDUPER

GIGANTIC LOUD NOISED BANG BANG AT-TACK ON EVERYONE. Oh, and it also steals some files or something…who cares…IT’S FRKN GIGANTIC. INT. HIGH SCHOOLSHIA LABEOUF, a teenager who makes money by selling crap on eBay, gives a presentation to his class about his grandfa-ther being a famous explorer and finding a robot in some ice somewhere. This pre-sentation contains so much plot-relevant information that it basically gives the entire backstory to how he is connected to all of this and shows how oh-so clever the writers were. SHIA LABEOUFSo yeah, Robots and sh*t.

TEACHEROMG. SUPER AWESOME PRESENTATION,

SHIA LABOOF.

SHIA LABEOUFIt’s Labeouf

TEACHERThat’s what I said. Labeef.

SHIA LABEOUFIt’s Labeouf

TEACHERLABIUF?

SHIA LABEOUFYou know what...never mind.

TEACHEREveryone, look how good Lamoof did his presentation. This is what I expect. Complete non-

sense on robots and sh*t. Well done Lamoosh. A+++++.

Because of his wonderful presenta-tion, he somehow gets the idea of buying a car. SHIA finds yellow ‘74 Camaro named BUMBLEBEE and he falls in love with it…even though it’s named BUMBLEBEE. This car super-surprisingly turns out to be a robot sent to our planet to protect dear little SHIA. SHIA gets the car and is happy that the other evil robots out there waited to attack earth until he was old enough to drive. COINCIDENTAL AWESOMENESS.

INT. GOVERNMENT AGENCYJON VOIGHT talks to a group of high school students.

JON VOIGHTSo. Listen up people! Someone hacked a bunch of our files. We need you high school students to help us.

RACHAEL TAYLORHigh school students?

JON VOIGHTI know it doesn’t make any sense. Why would a department with so many re-sources want the help of high school

students? Now that I say it out loud it sounds even more ridiculous. But who cares, we need that SHIA kid to be somewhere around this place so that he coincidentally finds out what’s going on with all these ro-bots and wants to help us fight the battle. He is the lead actor in this

movie after all you know.

A SMALL ROBOT hacks into the govern-ment’s system thingy, this time from a moving airplane. Because all of the government’s secret information will be on an airplane. Makes total sense, right?

JON VOIGHTThis small robot creature thing up-loaded some kind of virus and some more technological nonsense. I have no idea what’s going on, but basi-cally we have Microsoft Windows in-stalled so, you know… we’re prone to viruses. Maybe we should start using

Apples?

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAYOKAY. WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP QUES-TIONING MY SCRIPT? THEY UPLOADED A VIRUS OKAY! … SOME FOREIGN NETWORK IS INVOLVED AND STUFF… A VIRUS CODE… I DON’T KNOW! …LET’S BLOW

SOMETHING UP!

EXT. GENERIC MIDDLE EAST AREA. The brave soldiers are chilling in

Continued on page 12...

Tabula RaSaMaRch 2012

RooSevelT acadeMy Entertainment

12

Would You Rather...

…work a lifetime for the North Korean Government or spend a life-time at RA?

This is a game best played with friends. The rules are quite simple: choose one of the options and defend your choice.

…eat five live tarantulas or eat two dead snakes?

…have three hands or three legs?

…have a long-lasting romantic relationship with Cher or with John McCain?

…have eyes in the back of your head or X-Ray Vision.

the desert when suddenly a GIANT ROBOTIC SCORPION SNAKE THING attacks them.

JOSH DUHAMELRUN! OR SOMETHING. OMG. WHAT

DOES IT TRANSFORM INTO?

ROBOTIC SCORPIONI don’t transform. I’m scary

enough.

ZACK WARDBut the movie is called

‘Transformers’…

ROBOTIC SCORPIONDON’T QUESTION THE DIRECTOR.

The SCORPION kills ZACK. SUPER LONG SEGMENT OF THINGS GETTING BLOWN UP…some neces-sary to defeat the SCORPION…most completely useless and not even close in range of the scorpion. But whatever IT’S ALL SO EFFIN EPIC. Or something. Eventually the SCORPION is blown up. Michael Bay cries because he’s run out of things to blow up.

EXT. CALIFORNIASHIA sees MEGAN FOX and tries to get into her pants. Who Wouldn’t?

MEGAN FOXI like totally know about this car and stuff. Engines and fuel system and stuff. IM SO HOT. Like…it’s crazy. Now let me slowly lean over this car in my super tiny shorts so that you can look at my…

SHIA LABEOUFWOW. So anyways… We’ve got classes together, I think.

Even though we both look like we’re thirty. High schools in movies are so UNREALISTIC.

MEGAN FOXI’m sorry, what did you just say? I was blinded by my own

hotness.

SHIA LABEOUFFair enough. Wanna see my

muscles… wait… let me do this one thing with my arms… If I put them just like this… see,

A MUSCLE. YAY.

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAYOKAY PEOPLE. I WENT TO

WALMART. GOT SOME SH*T. IT’S TIME FOR SOME BLOWING UP.

SHIA discovers that BUMBLEBEE is not just a car but also a GIANT FREAKING ROBOT. SHIA LABEOUFWait, if you can transform into any machine why do you still look so much like my car…?

CHEVROLET (BUMBLEBEE)This movie is basically one big commercial for us. What’d you think… This movie was about a struggle of a high

school student trying to find his identity? HAHAHA. ROFL.

We Chevrolet businessmen laugh at your innocence.

More TRANSFORMERS show up and kindly introduce themselves to SHIA.

PETER CULLENI am Peter Cullen, the broth-er of Edward Cullen. HA. I’m just kidding. I use that

joke ALL THE TIME. This movie and ‘Twilight’ contain about the same sh*tload of stupid plotlines so my joke is quite layered, you know? Anyways… I am the leader of the ro-bots. I somehow have learned to speak English because it would be too much work to subtitle every conversation from Robot language to Eng-lish and effort is the last thing we want to put in this

movie.

The TRANSFORMERS and SHIA go to SHIA’S HOUSE.

PETER CULLENListen carefully now. If you miss this part of my speech, this movie will make no sense

at all. Your grandfather found some robot in some ice somewhere in the arctic. He was stupid and activated it. His location or something like that got imprinted on

the glasses that he gave you.

SHIA LABEOUF...

MEGAN FOXI know I’m supposed to be ditsy and all. But who the f*ck came up with this sh*t?

All of the characters are transported to HOOVER DAM, the location of the grandfa-ther. I think. INT. HOOVER DAMJOHN TUTURRO introduces him-self to everyone as one of the leaders of the most cli-ché turns in a plot you can imagine.

JOHN TUTURROWe are from a secret agency that already knew about the giant robots all along. We just can’t tell the world. No one is ready for a secret

like this.

SHIA LABEOUFSeriously… we’re going to ruin this plot more than it

is already.

JOHN TUTURROSo, there’s this weird ener-gy-cube thingy that trans-forms ordinary appliances into CRAZY EVIL ROBOTS.

SHIA LABEOUFBut… exactly why are there good and bad robots? Why

aren’t they all bad? I mean, the good ones are actually in closer range to this cube

than the bad ones.

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAYOMG SHIA. SHUT THE F*CK UP AND DO YOUR JOB. LOOK GEEKY.

All of the DECEPTICONS and AUTOBOTS and whateverBOTS TRANSFORM and meet for a mas-sive GIGANTIC EPIC battle that probably cost 80% of the movie’s budgetBUMBLEBEE transforms the cube thingy so that it’s pocket-size and can be carried (and sold as merchandise later when the film has made bil-lions)by SHIA.

JOSH DUHAMELShia, GET TO THAT ROOF UP THERE. A HELICOPTER WILL BRING YOU TO SAFETY.

SHIA LABEOUFOK!

SHIA runs like crazy, and EVIL ROBOT CREATURE chases SHIA towards the helicopter. In reality SHIA would have been dead by now,but what good movie has a bad ending? EVIL ROBOT LEADERGive me that cube boy! Be-cause apparently I’m not smart enough to just take it from a super small human be-ing.

SHIA turns around in slow motion and points the cube at EVIL ROBOT. EVIL ROBOT is killed by the energy or what-ever.

MEGAN FOXThat actually worked? WTF?

SHIA LABEOUFIt’s in the script.

CHEESY PETER CULLEN VOICE OVER

We will now forever be pro-tecting earth.

AUDIENCESuch a waste of popcorn. LOL, kidding. THAT WAS EPICNESS IN

A BOWL.

THE END.

The “Basically” Script:TRANSFORMERS

Continued from page 11...

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