issue 148

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FeaturesJanuary 29, 2010

What Does G-dHave To Do With It?Is it possible to be spiritualand selfish at the same time?

Let us have a look at the words of theTorah that shed important light on thisquestion.

Rabbi Yossy Goldman

The Deaf and the Blind:When GovernmentFails to NoticeFear grips virtually all business ownerswho worry if they can maintain thelevel of business needed to continue.Fear grips many of the employed whosee many around them being laid offand worry if they are next. People arecutting back. Dr. Robert Rome

Out Of BoundsThe old man sighed."Your mistake was verysimple. You don't take shortcutsinto muddy forests!" The activist understood the BriskerRav's message. Rabbi Mordechai KaminetzkyParshas Beshalach

community links • Volume 6 Issue 148

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THE COMMUNITY LINKS acceptsno responsibility for typo-graphical errors or reliabilityof Kashrus of any advertisers.All submissions become theproperty of THE COMMUNITYLINKS and may be shortenedand/or edited for lengthand clarity. Articles pub-lished in THE COMMUNITY LINKSexpress the views of the indi-vidual writers and may notnecessarily represent theviews of THE COMMUNITY LINKS.No artwork or any part ofthe magazine may bereprinted or otherwise dupli-cated without the writtenpermissions of the publisher.

The Rest Will Come LaterHe kissed my cheeksand said, "Morty, everymorning when you wakeup, I want you to look at

the mirror and strike your heartthree times. While you are strikingyour heart, recite, 'I was born a Jew.

By Mordechaiwww.chabad.org

26

8 J a n . 2 9 , 2 0 1 0 • T O A D V E R T I S E P L E A S E C A L L 323-965-1544 • [email protected] 8 J a n . 1 5 , 2 0 1 0 • T O A D V E R T I S E P L E A S E C A L L 323-965-1544 • [email protected]

The Deaf and the Blind:When Government Fails to Notice

By Robert J. Rome, Ph.D.


We read in the papers about an unemploy-ment rate nationally hovering at about 10%of the workforce and somewhat higher in

California. We hear commentators on the news speak ofa “real” unemployment rate of about 17%, includingthose who have given up looking for jobs in the currentmarketplace. These are figures based on what our gov-ernmental leaders are stating. From where I stand (or sitat the computer), these percentages don’t begin to dealwith what is actually going on in our economy where feargrips virtually all business owners who worry if they canmaintain the level of business needed to continue. Feargrips many of the employed who see many around thembeing laid off and worry if they are next. People are cut-ting back.

Like many of you, I operate a business, a psychologypractice. My practice primarily deals with the psycholog-ical evaluation of children and adolescents. I repeatedlyget asked by potential clients (parents of children whoneed testing) now if I can cut back on the number of testsadministered in a psychological evaluation to lower thecost. Since the problem of their children may be seen tobe only in reading in school, do I really have to look at vi-sual and auditory processing, for example (any of you outthere reading this article are welcome to contact me so Ican explain to you how children often misuse their visualand auditory systems when reading, contributing to theerrors they make)? It used to be that if the school stronglyadvised the parents to get their child tested that parentsrushed to respond as they wanted to resolve their chil-dren’s needs as soon as possible. “Can’t we wait until nextyear?” is a frequent question I hear now. Before, parentswould ask in their first call about what is done in a psy-chological evaluation. Now, in this economic situation,the first question people ask about is about price. Whatdoes an evaluation cost? How much may be reimbursedby insurance? Is this or that procedure necessary?

There are certain groups not included in the 10-17% un-employment figure, a chief group being the underem-ployed. I practice in an area where many work in theconstruction field. While there are many unemployedwho engaged in contracting, those I know are not unem-

ployed, but rather they are underemployed. A contractorwho previously had 4-5 kitchen jobs at a time may nowhave at best 1-2 jobs, with less than 50% of previous in-come. Jewelry store owners, as another example, haveseen business cut by 50% or more, while expenses remainthe same. The store owners go to work each day to dotheir jobs, but get only a fraction of the income they pre-viously had. I know one person who actually has beenlosing money each month on the business, taking familysavings to cover the losses, while waiting for better times.

There is another large group that has been impacted ina different way by the economy. This group I will call “theoverworked.” Those in this group are making less foreach hour worked, so they have to work more hours. Italk to men and women who arrive at work at 7:00 a.m.and work continuously to 8 or 9 at night (and sometimeslater). Working 60-70 hours a week, they can make nearlywhat they made previously. However, they are less avail-able to their families. They stopped volunteering for thesynagogue or for Scouts. They gave up leisure and leisuretime expenses. With endless work, their health and mentalhealth suffers. The society has been greatly impacted bythe increasingly overworked.

From how I see it, the combined rate of unemployed,underemployed, and overworked involves the majority ofthe community. Even those not included in these groupsare impacted. The “unaffected” have to drive increasedcar pool as those impacted by more work hours are un-available. Charitable organizations are seeing funds dryup, and as a result, there are fewer programs for childrenand teens. There are cutbacks to seniors programs. The“safety net” of programs and supports in the communityis being lost.

To solve a problem, you must first recognize it. If thegovernment keeps telling us that only 10% of the com-munity is impacted by the economic downturn, we thenfail to recognize the complete scope of the problem. Theproblem impacts all in some major way. The problem isoverwhelming. It is of a scope not seen previously in ourlives.

As a psychologist, I see the people who are hurting.


Worry is everywhere. Will our children be able to go tocollege? This was a previously unthinkable question.Families must ask this as they find college tuition and ex-penses as a seeming luxury in a world where people arerationing their food to make ends meet. The cupboardsare bare.

I will devote a future article to some of the surprisinggood things that have come out of the economic crisis.People are rising to many of the challenges. There is thegood. But we must come to understand the degree of dif-ficulties faced by our neighbors and even now by ourselvesto fully solve and address the large need in the commu-nity.

We need to see more from our elected leaders of bothparties as well. It seems that our elected leaders are deafand blind to the current intensity of the economic impact.We also need to see more from the professionals who leadour community institutions.

There needs to be a recognition of the full scope of theproblem and its impact. We have to bring our heads, ourtalents, and our expertise together to help those in needthrough the crisis.

The economy is cyclical. We remain confident that justas there are down times, there will soon be up times.Though we can’t predict when these cycles will change,we are optimistic that better times lie ahead. But the worldlikely is to be different when times do change. We havelost retirement savings and likely will never see the retire-ment we envisioned. We have longed to travel. We mayhave to travel to nearby locations when do we later findtime to vacation in better times. We have to learn to max-imize the quality of the time we spend with our childrenas the 40 hour work week is likely to remain a thing of thepast.

One thing I tell those who come to see me in my psy-chology practice. You are not alone. This is happeningto others, in fact to most others, despite our political lead-ers trying to tell us that only 10% are involved.

When people recognize what is really happening, I amconfident that they will help muster the resources neededto deal with the problems faced. Each of us is able tohelp those who are more greatly impacted.

We will overcome.

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Rabbi Yossy Goldman

17 J a n . 1 5 , 2 0 1 0 • T O A D V E R T I S E P L E A S E C A L L 323-965-1544 •

Is it possible to be spiritual andselfish at the same time? Let ushave a look at the words of the

Torah that shed important light on thisquestion.

Vayasa Moshe et ha’am -- “Moses made thepeople journey from the Sea.” The great mir-acle had happened. The sea had splitand the Egyptian army was no more.The word vayasa -- “he made [them] jour-ney” -- implies that Moses had to forcehis people to move on. But why was thisnecessary? Why wouldn’t they move ontheir own?

According to Rashi, the enemy was soconfident of victory against the Is-raelites that they bedecked their horsesand chariots with gold, silver, and pre-cious jewels. These treasures were nowbeing washed up on the seashore, andthe Jews were collecting the riches. Sothey were in no mood to move on. ButMoses said they had a date with G-d atMount Sinai. As the nation’s leader, hehad to compel them to carry on theirjourney.

The Zohar gives a more spiritual ex-planation. We are taught that the Divinerevelation at the Splitting of the Sea wasquite an extraordinary experience. In thewords of our sages, “What a simple maid-servant saw at the Sea, even the great prophetswere not privileged to see.” According to thismystical view, it was not the materialwealth they were obsessed with, butrather the incredible spiritual delightsthey were experiencing.

Either way, it was up to Moses tomove them along to their appointmentwith destiny. And the question is this: Ifit was gold and silver that was delayingtheir journey to Sinai, we can well un-derstand the need for Moses to hurrythem on. But if it was the spiritual ex-perience of inspired revelation, whymove on? Why not stay there as long aspossible? Surely, the more G-dly revela-tion the better!

The answer is that G-d was calling.Sinai was beckoning. The entire purposeof the Exodus and all the miracles inEgypt and at the Sea was nothing morethan to receive the Torah at Sinai. Thatwas the Revelation that would give theJewish People its unique way of life andits very raison d’etre. Sinai representsour mission, our mandate. Sinai made usG-d’s messengers on earth. However wemay understand the concept of a Cho-sen People, it was the Sinaitic experiencethat made us that. Any detours or dis-tractions from the journey to Sinai aretherefore out of the question -- no mat-ter how lofty or spiritual they might be.

It comes as no great shock to learnthat gold and silver is not as importantas Sinai. But that spirituality, too, musttake second place to Sinai, this is indeedbig news. And what exactly is Sinai?Torah. And what is Torah? The will ofG-d. In other words, the bottom line is:what does G-d want? How does Hewant us to act, to live our lives? So, thebig news story here is that even themost amazing spiritual experience, themost extraordinary revelation, is not asimportant as doing what G-d wants usto do.

It is a very important message thatemerges from this one word, vayasa. It’snot what we want that counts, but whatG-d wants. If we want money and dia-monds, and He wants to give us HisTorah, then we leave the loot and we goto Sinai. And even if it is a spiritual ex-perience we seek, and G-d says Go toSinai, we still go to Sinai and we leavethe spiritual inspiration for another time.

The following is a true story. It oncehappened back in the old country thatlate one night, a wagon driver ran into ayeshivah and cried out to the studentsto come out and help him. It was ur-gent, he said. Apparently, his wagon hadoverturned and his horse was stuck in aditch and was in danger of dying. He


needed help to get the wagon upright. It was late at night and there was no one else he could turn to, so he appealedto the yeshivah students to come to his assistance.

At this point, the students’ Talmudic training kicked in and a long halachic debate ensued. Was it right to leave theirTorah study for the sake of a horse? After all, is not Torah study equal to all the other mitzvot combined? On theother hand, the horse provided this Jew’s livelihood. Which takes precedence? The debate raged on and on -- andwhen they finally did decide to go out and help the poor man, it was too late. The horse had died.

Sometimes we can get so caught up in our own spirituality that we become quite selfish. Spiritually selfish, of course,but selfish nonetheless. At the end of the day, it’s not whether we are into materialism or monotheism, money or meta-physics. The ultimate question -- and, in fact, the only question -- is: what does G-d want of me at this moment intime? Where should I be and what should I be doing right now?

So if you find yourself in a quandary or on the horns of a difficult dilemma, ask yourself this very question: whatwould G-d want? Yes, sometimes it might be helping a horse out of a ditch. But if that is the call of the hour, then sobe it. It might not be very spiritual, but it is the right thing to do.

And if it’s the right thing to do, that makes it very G-dly. •

Rabbi Yossy Goldman is Senior Rabbi of the Sydenham Highlands North Shulsince 1986, and president of the South African Rabbinical Association.


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In thisweek's parshathe B'nai Yisrael aregiven the manna. It fallsevery day from Heaven - ex-cept on the Sabbath. The Jews maynot collect it on the Sabbath and thus adouble portion falls from heaven on Friday."See that Hashem has given you the Sabbath; that is whyHe gives you on the sixth day a two-day portion of bread." Inaddition the Torah proscribes the Jews from traveling dis-tances on the Shabbos. "Let every man remain in his place; letno man leave his place on the seventh day" (Exodus 16:29).

Rashi explains that this refers to the t'chum Shabbos, aShabbos ordinance that confines one's boundaries undercertain settings to 2,000 cubits from the initial point oforigin. One cannot walk farther than that distance onShabbos.

Though this is not the forum for a discussion of the in-tricate laws of Sabbath borders, including certain limita-tions to the restrictions, one basic question arises: Thereare many intricate laws regarding Shabbos activities. Nonewere yet mentioned. Why discuss the concept of confine-ment to an approximate one-mile radius before the Jewslearned about the most basic prohibitions of the Sabbathsuch as lighting new fires or carrying in the public do-main? In fact, this law of t'chum does not carry the severepenalties associated with other transgression. Why, then,is it the first Shabbos law that is introduced?

Once a religious man came to the Brisker Rav, Rav Yitz-chok Zev Soleveitchik, and asked him whether he shouldjoin a certain organization comprised of people whoseviews were antithetical to Torah philosophy. Well inten-tioned, the man felt that his association would perhapssway the opinions of the antagonists and create harmonyamong the factions. He would be able to attend meetingsand raise his voice in support of Torah outlook.

The Rav advised him not to get involved. The man un-fortunately decided to ignore the advice. Within a fewmonths, he was in a quagmire, because policies and ac-tions of the theologically-skewed organization were beinglinked to him, and were creating animus toward himthroughout the community.

For some reason he could not back out of his commit-ments to the organization. He was torn. How could heregain his reputation as a Torah observing Jew and ingra-tiate himself to his former community? He returned to

the Brisker Rav and asked him once again for his advice.

The Rav told him the following story. There was ayoung man who aspired to become a wagon driver.

He approached a seasoned wagoneer and began histraining. After a few weeks, he was ready to be

certified.

Before receiving an official certificationthe veteran decided to pose a few practi-

cal applications.

"Let's say," he asked his youngcharge, "that you decide to take a short-

cut and deviate from the main highway. Youcut through a forest on a very muddy trail. Your

wheels become stuck in the mud and your twopassengers become agitated. The horses are strug-gling to pull out of the mud. They can't seem toget out. What do you do?"

The young driver looked up in thought. "Well,"he began, "first I would take some wooden planksand try to get them under the wheels. "Ah!" sighedthe old timer, "you made a terrible mistake!""Why?" retorted the neophyte driver, "I followedprocedure in the precise manner! What did I dowrong?"

The old man sighed. "Your mistake was verysimple. You don't take shortcuts into muddyforests!"

The activist understood the Brisker Rav's mes-sage.

Rav Moshe Feinstein of blessed memory ex-plains that before the Jews were even given thelaws of Shabbos they were taught an even moreimportant lesson in life. Before you can embarkon life's journeys and even approach the holyShabbos, you must know your boundaries. So be-fore discussing the details of what you can or cannot do on Shabbos, the Torah tells us where wecan and cannot go on Shabbos. Sometimes, keep-ing within a proper environment is more primarythan rules of order. Because it is worthless to at-tempt to venture into greatness when you arewalking out of your domain. •

PARSHAS BESHALACHby Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky www.torah.org

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In Russia, 1967, after somethirty years without possess-ing a siddur, a prayer-book,

my grandfather, Lev ben MosheHalevi, was fortunate to purchase onefor $180 dollars, his entire lifesavings.The Communists had banned the useof prayer-books and all other reli-gious articles. My mother, ten yearsold at the time, still remembers howher family struggled financially thenext two years.

Yet that lone blue siddur becamethe fulcrum of our family and com-munity life, and was used daily for thenext twenty-five years. My grandfa-ther would go to the park and pray;upon returning, he'd hand the siddurto my grandmother, and she'd leaveto the park and pray. Then she'd passthe precious book to the neighborsand they'd go to the secluded spotand pray. Each Shabbat, the siddurwas used by fifty people, one by one.Luckily, no one was caught. When mygrandfather passed away, my mothergave this beautiful siddur to me. It isone of my most priceless possessions.I do not yet know how to pray fromit, as it has no vowels, Russian orEnglish translations, but I am learn-ing.

My family's story is a difficult one.Both my parents are children of sur-vivors of the Rîbniţa Ghetto. The Ro-manian forces ordered my paternalgreat-grandfather to dig his owngrave, and then shot him. My grand-father, eleven years old, was forced tobury his wounded father lest theymurder his mother, sisters, brothersand cousins. Until this day, he hasnightmares.

When I was five years old, my ma-ternal grandfather sat me down uponhis lap and said, "Morty [my Russianname is Maksim and Hebrew name,Mordechai], I am going to tell you a

secret. Do not tell it to your mamaand papa, or to your brother. It is asecret just for you, and only you."Being a five-year-old, I was extremelyexcited. Amazingly, I kept the secretuntil I came to the USA. I was tooafraid to tell anyone, as I was pushedaround in school for being a Jew.

He continued, "Morty, I will teachyou the holy Torah, the sacred scrollof our people passed from generationto generation. Those who know itlead happy lives filled with mitzvotthat only the bravest knights under-take. Those who don't are lost in theenchanted forest in search of theknights." He then paused and contin-ued, "Do you want to know the se-cret?"

"Yes, Grandpa, I do," I replied withunrestrained excitement.

He then declared, "Will you keepthis a secret until you feel ready to ex-press it?" I assured him that I would.

He kissed my cheeks and said,"Morty, every morning when youwake up, I want you to look at themirror and strike your heart threetimes. While you are striking yourheart, recite, 'I was born a Jew [strikeheart]; I was raised a Jew [strikeheart]; and I will die a Jew [strikeheart]. When you finish, I want youto raise your hands towards the skyand proclaim, 'And the rest will comelater.' When you go to bed, I want youto cover your eyes and repeat thesame routine."

After making sure that I under-stood, he said, "This is the Torah ofour people."

We shook hands, kissed and huggedeach other, and the deal was sealed.Every day (and I still do it to this day),I would practice my grandfather'sroutine without thinking twice.

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When I came to the USA, I went to the Jewish dayschool in my city. My parents worked three jobs each toafford the tuition, but they never complained. However,though I went to the Jewish day school, I was often ab-sent from my Jewish classes in order to study ESL. So Iwent through three years of Jewish day school andlearned close to nothing about Judaism.

One day, my ESL teacher got sick, so I joined the Torahclass. I was totally lost and not paying much attention.The rabbi realized my mind was elsewhere, so he calledon me and said, "Mordechai, do you already know theTorah? Is that why you aren't listening? You hardly cometo my class… at least now, take advantage of the oppor-tunity, and learn Torah with us."

I looked at him and said, "Rabbi, I know the Torah likeI know the back of my hand. I've been reciting the Torahfor the last seven years, twice a day."

The rabbi responded, "Really, tzaddik? Why don't youdo it right now?"

I stood up, adjusted my shirt, and began to reveal the"secret" my grandpa taught me. Needless to say, the stu-dents began to laugh, but the rabbi was stunned. Heasked me to repeat it, and I did. By this time, the studentswere laughing their hearts out. I started to cry. I felt thatthey were making fun of the holy Torah. The rabbi askedthe class for silence, and instructed me to repeat the rou-tine again.

Through my tears, I saw the rabbi approach me. Hehugged me and said, "Mordechai, when do you say this?And why do you say it like this?"

"This is how Jews recite the Torah," I said.

He replied, "No, Mordechai only the brave Jew recitesthe Torah like this."

I went home later that day, and I asked my grandpa toexplain the Torah he taught me all those years ago. Afterexplaining what has transpired in school, my grandpaplaced me before a large mirror and said, "Morty, lookat the mirror and tell me what you see."

"Myself," was the reply.

He said, "Look. What is on your head?"

I looked up, saw my kippa, the skullcap I'd forgottento remove after the Torah class.

"Morty, how many times were you beaten up for beinga Jew?"

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"Three."

"How many times were you hospitalized becauseof your injuries?"

"Twice," I said, recalling the stitches I receivedwhen a a piece of iron was thrown at my head anda rock at my knee cap.

He kissed me and replied, "Morty, every day youstrike your chest indicating that they - the anti-Semi-tes - may break your bones, but your heart will alwaysbeat for G-d."

He continued, "How many times have you heardthat Communism, Socialism, Liberalism, Capitalism,Christianity or Islam is better than Judaism? By cov-ering your eyes at night, you are indicating that thenations may blind you with their philosophies, butat the end of the day your sight will always be aimedtowards G-d. And as for your hands raised to thesky, if you don't understand this now, you will knowwhen the right time comes. For the rest will comelater."

Armed with new knowledge, I went back to therabbi and told him everything. He said, "Mordechai,you know more Torah at 12 than I know at 28, andI studied in Jewish schools all of my life."

After graduating the day school, I went to publicschool. Since I knew almost nothing about Judaism,I simply put it on hiatus. It was only two years agothat I slowly started to return to Judaism. Now,thank G d, I pray three times a day, wear my kippaalways, and keep the Shabbat. I may not yet studyMishnah or Gemara, but I know Jewish and Israelihistory, philosophy, and Jewish Eastern Europeanliterature (I even teach it). And as for the rest – "therest will come later."

My grandfather's words ring true. •

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The Jewish judicial system was brought into existence after Moshe's father-in-law Yisro criticized the system hefelt was wrought with confusion and delay. In that system, Moshe bore the brunt of every minor complaintand grievance. He ruled on everything, and it was too much for him. His father-in-law would no longer allow

it.

"What you are doing is no good." cried Yisro. "You and the entire nation will wither from exhaustion." (Exodus 18:17)

Yisro devised a plan in which judges were appointed on many levels. The simple cases would be presented to thelower judges, and the more difficult cases would work their way up the system until they finally reached Moshe. It wasa workable plan that was received enthusiastically by Moshe and the leadership. It was the foundation for every judicialsystem from that time on.

Yisro ends his ingenious instruction with a blessing and an assurance. "If you do this thing -- with G-d's consent, then youwill endure and the entire nation will arrive at their place in peace." (Exodus 18:23)

They are very encouraging words. But they are difficult to relate to. What does expedient adjudication have to dowith arriving at one's destination or finding one's place? What could Yisro mean by stating that if you mete out justiceeveryone will arrive at his place in peace? He should have said, "and the entire nation will live together in peace." Thewords "arrive at his place in peace" seem to have little meaning.

Rabbi Chaim Kreisworth, the Chief Rabbi of Antwerp, Belgium, tells of a member of his congregation who ap-proached him obviously quite upset.

"Rabbi," he exclaimed, "I just don't understand." My friend Yankel and I began businesses of the same type at ap-proximately the same time. He is doing remarkably well, while I am just floundering!." "Are you working as hard as heis?" Rabbi Kreisworth asked.

"I sure am!" came the reply. "My place is right down the block from his, and I never close my shop until I see his carpull away!"

"Perhaps he has more employees?"

"Can't be. I checked with his manager, and I have recently added two more thanhe has!"

"Perhaps the decor of his store is more attractive to consumers?"

"It just can't be that, Rabbi. He remodeled last year, I checked the lighting, squarefootage, display cases -- and on each count I outdid him when I remodeled a monthlater!"

At this point Rabbi Kreisworth smiled, "I have it all figured out. The reason Yankelis doing so much better than you is because he is only concerned in runninghis business. You, my friend, are running two! If you would just stay in yourown place, you will also become a success."

One of the Jewish people's greatest assets is their ability to watch their ownplace. "How glorious are your tents, Jacob" is a reference to the dessert tents whosedoorways did not face each other. When Jews argue and there is no justice,each one looks at the other: "what is he doing with my money?" However,when quick and fair justice is meted, each party can go home satisfied andready to proceed with their own life. Yisro stated it with an exact certainty "andthe entire nation will arrive at their place in peace." If you have justice then everyonewill truly arrive at his place in peace. No one will be interested in someoneelse's place! And in that manner they all can find a place in peace. •

PARSHAS YISROby Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky

No Justice N

o Place


NOT SEEING EYE TO EYELIVING A JEWISH LIFE .......WHEN YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T INTERESTED

by Lori Averick


Almost six years ago I attended my first Torahclass. The connection, for me, was immediate.I felt as if all the questions I had been ponder-

ing for most of my life had answers, and they were all con-tained inside the pages of the Torah. I was so excited Icould hardly contain myself, and who better to share allof this with than my husband?

When I began telling him Torah stories, his reaction wasnot what I would have wanted. He said that he was justnot interested. Well, clearly he must have misunderstoodme. "How could you not be interested?" I would say,"This is all about our ancestry." I ignored his protest,knowing full well I would try a different approach at alater date.

So as my learning intensified and expanded, I began toteach the meaning behind the Torah stories, explainingthat the Torah is not a history book, rather it's an instruc-tion manual offering us timeless lessons of how we aresupposed to get the most out of our lives. This approachalso failed miserably (since, as any woman knows, youshould never give a man instructions on how to drivearound the corner- let alone how to live his entire life).

This pattern continued for months and months. All thewhile, I had rabbis and rebbetzins from Pennsylvania toIsrael giving me advice on the situation. The commonlyheld opinion was as follows: Don't pressure him. Just con-tinue to grow and evolve into the best person and wifeyou can possibly be. When he sees how happy you are andwhat a better person you've become, he'll want to comealong.

So I tried this approach, and incorporated Shabbat din-ners both at home and with other families in the commu-nity. I cooked like I had never cooked before, and oursocial life boomed. Still, he was just not interested. I evenmanaged to get him to travel on a mission to Israel withother couples from our community. At times it seemedlike there may be some progress. However, within notime, he would pull back and reinstate his claim of disin-terest.

Within a few years, we moved to a new home. While themove was great for our family for practical reasons- mykids were closer to school and my husband was closer towork- it also placed us smack in the middle of the reli-gious community. Now, not only did my husband have awife who wanted him to grow spiritually, but he was alsosurrounded by people who held these same beliefs andpractices.

As our household observances increased, so did the ten-

sion between me and my husband. How could this be? Icouldn't understand how growing closer to something sopositive and meaningful could cause such stress for myhusband. I thought I was following the advice of thosemany sage rabbis and rebbetzins who all but assured methat as long as I continued to grow in a positive way hewould soon join me on my journey. Well, it wasn't hap-pening. As a matter of fact, his original commentary -stat-ing 'I'm not interested'- had actually taken on a muchmore negative tone and seemed to be heading towards re-sentment.

In recent months I began to take a closer look at the sit-uation. I had to acknowledge that since my husband wasclearly not on this journey then it would seem likely thatthe difficulty I was having had to be a challenge tailormade for me. I felt certain that only I could possibly havethe solution to this problem, and I was determined to fig-ure out what I had been doing wrong.

As I took an honest accounting of the past six years, Ibegan to see where I went astray. First, when my husbandtold me for the first time that he wasn't interested inTorah, I should have kept my mouth shut. Instead, I triedat every possible turn to show him the way—my way. Ishould have thanked him for supporting my decision tolearn and grow through Torah, and I should have endedthe discussion there.

Second, was I really showing my husband all the positivethings a Torah life had to offer? While my journey hasbeen undoubtedly life-changing and enlightening for me,was my husband the recipient of all these changes in onlya positive way? The answer to this question is a resound-ing no. Sure my friends and family have seen me becomea more patient, kinder version of myself, but more promi-nent from my husband's point of view were all the nega-tive changes our lives have undergone.

For example, we left a house he loved to move to a morereligious neighborhood and into a house where he is nowrequired to use different silverware for meat and dairy;and as for those fun Shabbat dinners? They were now partof a 25 hour Shabbat experience which he did not wantto participate in. Our social lives rarely ventured outsidethe community that I had created for us, and though Ihate to admit it, it is so obvious that there was not muchfun in it for him.

This conclusion took some time for me to reach, butthe moment I was actually able to accept and internalizethe reality of our situation is the moment when I beganto see some improvements. After acknowledging the con-


cessions my husband had actually made, I was able to beginto show him that I appreciated his sacrifices. I had spent somuch time focusing on how much he wasn't doing, that Iwas never happy with what he was doing.

Torah teaches us "Who is the rich man? He who is happywith his lot." I had been learning Torah for years, and yet Iwas obviously not living it. If I wasn't living it, how could Iexpect my husband to have any desire to join me on my jour-ney?

While not much has changed with our situation on the out-side, the inside looks dramatically different. I have finally be-come the more evolved, kinder person I had thought I hadbeen all along. My patience for my situation is greater, andmy reactions to things that don't go my way are much better.I have a deeper understanding of what I need to do to ensureshalom bayit (harmony in the home), and I am committedto doing it. I feel more confident that with these modifica-tions in place my husband will come to appreciate the jour-ney I have chosen for myself and feel more comfortable withhis part in it- whatever that may be. •

Lori Averick lives in Merion, Pa. with her husband Brettand three children; Brooke, Noah and Gabrielle.

Lori enjoys Torah study and participatesregularly in local classes.

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PHILADELPHIA: While flying to Kentucky to visit his grandmother, a teenager began the morning prayer ritualexpected of Orthodox Jewish men by strapping small leather boxes to his forehead and arm.

But to an attendant on US Airways Express Flight 3079, the sight of a young man attaching what looked like blackcubes and wires to his body was so alarming that she alerted the pilot.

The boxes, called tefillin, held only prayers, but the Louisville-bound plane was diverted nonetheless to PhiladelphiaInternational Airport.

Tefillin are ''something that the average person is not going to see very often, if ever'', an FBI spokesman, J.J. Klaver,said.

Leaders of several Jewish organisations said the airline had acted appropriately in view of renewed anxiety over ter-rorism.

''In a period of heightened tension, there's going to be overreaction,'' said Marc Stern, co-executive director of theAmerican Jewish Congress in Washington. ''I don't see anything anti-Semitic in this.''

Federal and city law enforcement officials briefly questioned 17-year-old Caleb Leibowitz and his 16-year-old sister,high school students from White Plains, New York, before allowing them to resume their flight.

They said that the teen, who was wearing a yarmulke, was ''co-operative'' during his brief interrogation, but that theflight attendant ''did not receive a clear response'' when she first asked about the boxes. The Transportation SafetyAdministration initially described Caleb as an ''unruly passenger'', but a man who had sat behind him told the LouisvilleCourier-Journal that the boy had answered the attendant quietly and that there had been no panic.

Caleb's father said he was proud of his son for observing his faith and that he thought federal marshals had handledthe situation too aggressively.

''Adults have to recognise that when you're dealingwith children you have to be gentle,'' Glen Lei-bowitz said.

Looking upset, Caleb and his sister declined tospeak to reporters. Their father described his sonas ''internally strong'' but said his daughter, whosefirst name he declined to give, had been ''very upsetout of concern'' for her brother.

''It got sorted out in a few minutes,'' Mr Leibowitzsaid.

He said he had donned tefillin, also called phylac-teries, at airports and on trains and on planes andhad never been harassed. His son, he said, probablyhad not expected it would create any anxiety.

Courtesy of Philadelphia Inquirer

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• 2 cups water• 1 cup Arborio rice• 3 cups vanilla soy milk• 1/4 cup sugar• Pinch salt• 1 cinnamon stick• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract• 1/2 tespoon ground cinnamon + more for dusting• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg• 2 T plus 2 teaspoons sweetened condensed milk

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Bring the water to a boil in a medium sized, heavy, oven-proof saucepan. Add the rice, cover, and simmer for 20minutes, until rice is nearly cooked. In a large bowl, whiskthe soymilk, sugar, and salt. When the rice is cooked andstill hot, add the soymilk mixture and cinnamon stick. Cover,place in the oven and cook for 45 minutes.

Remove from the oven, uncover, and remove the cinnamonstick. Stir in the vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. Pudding willbe slightly liquidy; the liquid will continue to absorb intothe rice and thicken as the pudding cools. Distribute among8 bowls, drizzle each with 1 teaspoon of the condensedmilk. Dust with cinnamon and nutmeg, if desired. Servewarm or at room temperature.

Directions

Ingredients

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WEDDING SHTICK

Piano Lessons for

adult & children over

six. At your location.

First Lesson free.

Reasonable rates.

Call Lidia

310.289.5039 or

310.926.7761

PIANO LESSONS

HEBREW TUTORINGHebrew tutoring

available for all ages.

From beginners to

advanced. We can

help you fully under-

stand and speak He-

brew. Available in the

La Brea / Hancock

Park neighborhood.

References available

on request. For more

information Please

call Sara at

818.968.5346.

Luxurious Italian Womans’Hosiery. Amazing Prices,starting from only $3.25 CallSarah 818.451.5622

BRIS - ,hrcTraditional

Ritual CircumcisionRabbi

Nachman B. Kreiman

Certified Mohel

vjnun kvunHome: 323.934.9329

Cell: 323.896.5098www.expertmohel.com

Parenting Group for

Women with Young

Children

Based on the Teachings ofthe Lubavitcher Rebbe.EVERY WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON at 1:00

7114 Rosewood Avenue (between La Brea and Detroit)

for more information callMiriam at 323-964-9767 or

e-mail: [email protected]

Sofer Coming from

Israel to LA!!!

Ten used kosher sefer

Torahs with Kashrus

certificates for Sale.

Also available for

repairs. New or used

Torahs for sale. Please

Call 718-560-3031

www.t-stam.com

Recession-Proof CareersIn just 8 months we will trainyou in a recession-proof ca-reer, and help you find an ex-citing job in:• Pharmacy Technician •Medical Assistant • Med-ical Office Management •Accounting • Adminis-trative Assistant • Busi-ness Management •Computer Graphics &Desktop Publishing •Computer Aided Design &Drafting (Auto Cad)Call Los Angeles ORTTechnical Institute 1-800-998-2678 LA ORT isNon-Profit organization.Financial Aid, Scholar-ship and Transportationassistance are available.Mid-Wilshire: 6435Wilshire BL, Los An-geles CA 90048 Valley:14519 Sylvan ST, VanNuys CA 91411www.LAORT.edu


CLASSIFIEDS

COMMUNITY

ROOM FOR RENT

Salesman Wanted

REAL ESTATE REAL ESTATE EMPLOYMENT EMPLOYMENTEMPLOYMENT

BABYSITTER AVAILABLE

Tehachapi Torah Center(edCommunity) Welcomes'The Open Yeshiva -Yeshiva Ateret Tzvi'. For aschedule of Shiurim callReb Hershy at 661.823-0758. Healthy, Serene, Af-fordable, Child Friendly.Suited for families, individ-uals, & other existing Torahorganizations. Prime 18acre Torah campus in de-velopment. One can partic-ipate in Mikvah buildingnow. Winter/Spring sched-ule: Weekly Parsha Preview,Monthly Women's RoshHodesh Party, TU B'ShevatHike, Purim Program, Pes-sach Minyan. Register nowfor: Minyan, LemudaiKodesh Co-op, SummerCamp. Tehachapi Ca.93561, 90 miles/minutesfrom route 14 at 5. PricedFrom: Houses $97,500.Lots $20,000. Build to suit$100SF. Apartments $650,Houses $850, Rooms$425.Learn More! Contact Roger M. [email protected] 310-948-5137 www.pearlmancta.com/kerncountykehilla.htm

-1231-

SALES PERSON WANTED

Orthodox woman available towatch your children full time orpart-time hours, at your location.Excellent references. 323-651-9389

3 BEDROOM CONDOS FOR LEASENear Pico/BeverlyDrive, double entrydoor, granite kitchen,stainless steel appliances,washer/dryer, 2 full & 1guest bathroom, masterbedroom/master bath-room/walk in closet.Exotic bamboo floors,central AC, elevator, fit-ness room, subterraneanparking, intercom. Builtin 2008. 2 weeks freewith oneyear lease.Call Daniel @310 -925 -9972

-1404-

Excellent Opportunity for highlymotivated sales person to work forgrowing business. Create yourown hours. Work from home. Forfurther information please emailus at [email protected] Ref #1980

-784

-

Pico/Robertson. Bright 1 Bed-room, new wood floors, newdouble stainless steel sink,sunny balcony. Walk to all.Call 310-210-3038 [email protected]

FOR RENT

Young male wants maleroomies.3bd/3bth townhouse@Coldwater/Victory. Newpaint/remodeled. Near Kosherfood & shuls.Call Boruch(818)426-8145

ROOMATE WANTED

Looking for a part time secre-tary. General office duties.Must be williing to also makemarketing sales calls. Pleasecall 310.402.4225

PART TIME SECRETARY / TELEMAR-

KETER WANTED

Experienced salesmanwanted in home furnishingbusiness in the Pico/Robert-son area. Full time, salery +Commission. Please call 310-877-5555

Administrative Assistantfor Unique Job OpportunityLooking for someone dedi-cated, reliable, long-term, andmotivated to perform all ad-ministrative duties. Will workone-on-one with owner. Jobdescription: - Computer skillsa must: MS Word/Excel,QuickBooks, basic Photoshopskills. Must be able to solveminor computer issues - Digi-tal Photography - Answeringphones, setting up appoint-ments, greeting clients - Ship-ping - Managing website - 40hours a week. The right per-son must be very organized,detail oriented, a good prob-lem solver, with excellent writ-ten and verbal communicationskills. This is a full-time job indowntown Los Angeles.Please send a resume and abrief email telling us aboutyourself [email protected]: $13/hr and parking.Additional opportunity to earnmore based on a job well-done.

Sofa, wicker table with match-ing wicker mirror, Dresser,Lamps, various art works, andmiscellaneous items.Please call 310-859-1121 or424-288-0308

MOVING SALE

BOOKKEEPING

TEACHER WANTED

OFFICE SPACE FORRENT

JOB OPPORTUNITY

February 5, 2010

February 12, 2010

Please call 323.965.1544or email us at

[email protected]

For all your bookkeepingneeds call Raizy Grossman@ 310-279-2139

Advertising Deadline:

Circulation Deadline:

Wanted responsible teacherto homeschool 10 year oldboy. Previous experience re-quired. Please call 818-708-1989 or 818-355-3789

One very large room for rentwith private bathroom, sepa-rate entrance, parking, kosherkithchen, laundry and utilitiesincluded in the La Brea area.Please email me at [email protected]

APARTMENT FOR

RENTPico/Robertson area, lower 1bed & 1 bath, newly remod-eled kitchen & bath w/ Gran-ite,parking, laundry facilities,no pets, 1 yr lease $1100 CallHylda 310-657-6990

Furnished office space forrent in quiet Pico/Robertsonarea …. Various offices -pri-vate and shared space avail-able. Lease includesfurnished office space withstorage, use of conferencerooms and break roomamenities. Ancillary servicesavailable by arrangement. [email protected] 310-360-8512


Afshan Restaurant RCC

106 W. 9th St. LA,

(213) 622-1010

Bocca Steakhouse RCC

16610 Ventura. Encino, 91436

(818) 905-5855

Café Del Mar Dairy/Meat Kehila

12526 Burbank Blvd. N.H. 91607

(818) 487-8171

Chic N Chow Kehila

9301 West Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 274-5595

Chinese and Kabob Kehila

9180 Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 274-4007

Circa RCC

433 N. Fairfax Avenue, LA, 90036

323-653-1941

Cohen’s Restaurant RCC

316 E Pico Blvd # F LA, CA 90015

(213) 742-8888

Delice Bistro Kehila

8581 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 289-1702

Elat Burger Ben Zaken

9340 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 278-4692

Elite Cuisine RCC

7119 Beverly Blvd. LA, 90036

(323) 930-1303

Falafel Express Bukstan

5577 Reseda Blvd. Tarzana, 9135

(818) 345-5660

Falafel Grill Chabad

5611 Kanan R. Agoura Hills, 91301

(818) 991-8799

Glatt Hut RCC

9303 W. Pico Blvd. 90035

(310) 246-1900

Golan RCC

13075 Victory Blvd. N. H, 91606

(818) 763-5344

Got Kosher? RCC

8914 W. Pico Blvd. 90035

(310) 858-1920

Habayit Bukstan

11921 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90064

(310) 479-5444

Haifa Ben Zaken

8717 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 888-7700

Jeffs Gourmet Kehila

8930 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 858-8590

Kosher Chicks RCC

186081/2Ventura Blvd. Tarzana, 91356

(818) 343-8800

La Gondola Kehila

9025 Wilshire Blvd. BH, 90211

(310) 247-1239

La Glatt RCC

446 Fairfax Ave. LA, 90036

(323) 658-7730

Mashu Mashu RCC

12510 Burbank Blvd. 91607

(818)752-ASIA (2742)

Metro Glatt RCC

8975 W. Pico Blvd. 90035

(310) 275-4420

Nagilla Meating Place Kehila


(310) 788-0119

Orange Delight Kehila

13628 Ventura Blvd. SO, 91423

(818) 788-9896

Pats Kehila

9233 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 205-8705

Pico Kosher Deli RCC


(310) 273-9381

Pita Way RCC

8532 Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 652-5236

Sassis Kehila

15622 Ventura, Encino, 91436

(818) 986-5345

Shanghai Kehila

9401 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 553-0998

Shilohs Kehila

8939 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 858-1652

Subway Kehila

8948 W Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 274-1222

Sunrise RCC

9216 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 786-8282

Temptation Grill Kehila

17547 Ventura B. Encino, 91316

(818) 995-4700

The Meating Place KCA

30313 Canwood St. AH, 91301

(818) 706-1255

Tierra Sur at Herzog Winery ou

3201 Camino DelSol Oxnard

(805) 983-1560

Beverly Elite Cafe RCC


(323) 936-2861

Beverly Cafe Elite RCC


(323) 931-3563

Bibis Warmstone Kehila

8928 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 246-1788

Bramis Pizza RCC

17736 ShermanWay, Reseda 91326

(818) 342-0611

Circa RCC

8622 W Pico Blvd, Los Angeles

(310) 854-0592

Cow Jumped Over The Moon Kehila

421 N Rodeo Drive, B.H. 90210

(310) 274-4269

Delice Kehila

8583 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 289-6556

Fish Grill Kehila


(323) 937-7162

12013 Wilshire Blvd. LA, 90025

(310) 479-1800

9618 W. Pico Blvd. 90035

(310) 860-1182

22935 Pacific Coast Highway

(310) 456-8585

Jerusalem Pizza Kehila

17942 Ventura Blvd. Encino, CA 91316

(818) 758-9595

La Brea Bagel Kehilla


(323) 965-1287

La Pizza Rabbi Furst

12515 Burbank Blvd. N.H, 91607

(818) 760-8198

Milk N Honey RCC

8837 West Pico Blvd LA, 90035

(310) 858-8850

Milky Way Kehila

9108 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 859-0004

Nagilla Pizza Kehila


(310) 788-0111

Nana Cafe RCC

1509 S Robertson Blvd.

(310) 407-0404

Pico Cafe Kehila

8944 W Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

310-385-9592

Pizza Maven Kehila

140 North La Brea Blvd. 90036

(323) 857-0353

Pizza Nosh Rabbi Ami Markel

30313 Canwood St. A.H. 91301

(818) 991-3000

Pizza Station Kehila

8965 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035

(310) 276-8708

Pizza World Kehila

365 Fairfax Ave. LA, 90036

(323) 653-2896

Sassis Sushi Kehila

16550 Ventura, Encino, 91436

(818) 783-2727

Shalom Pizza RCC


(310) 271-2255

Unique Cafe Rabbi Aron Simkin

18381 Ventura Blvd. Tarzana

(818) 757-3100

Fish In The Village RCC

12450 Burbank Blvd. N.H, 91607

(818) 769-0085

Le Sushi

12524 Burbank Blvd N.H. 91607

(818) 763-6600

SushiKo RCC


(310) 274-3474

DINING GUIDE

MEAT

DAIRY

PAREVE

Dining Guide Listing Please Call 323-965-1544


R E A S O N S T O C O N S I D E RA L I F E S E T T L E M E N T

• Policy has notperformed as anticipated

• Need for cash flow

• Beneficiary is nowdeceased

• Premiums too costly

• A change in estate size

• A desire to purchasea survivorship policy

• Changes in Estate Tax laws

Busines Changes:

• Buy/Sell funding isno longer required

• Business is sold

• Changes in deferredcompensation benefits

• Bankruptcy proceedings

81 year old maleUniversal Life$5,000,000$0

$860,000Premiums of in-force policy were expensive and becoming difficult to afford. The insured no longer needed the policy and sold it for a sum worth approximately twice the policy’s cost basis.C A S E S T U DY

INSURED:Type of Policy:Face Amount:

Cash Surender Value:Offer price to policy owner:

Reason:

C A S E S T U DY

For a free, no obligation consultation and policy appraisal, by phone or in person

If you are over age 70, we can show you how your life insurancepolicy might pay off now, while you are alive and still here to enjoy

it! What’s more, you may be able to sell your policy for considerably more than its cash surrender value.

A PROUD MEMBER OF

LIFE INSURANCE SETTLEMENT ASSOCIACTION

Rabbi Manis Friedman, World-Renowned Author and Lecturer

Rabbi BinyominGinsbergDirector of the children’s curriculum program

Rabbi AbrahamLiebermanRenowned Jewish Historianand Lecturer

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis Founder & President of Hineni 2nd days

THE WERNER BROTHERS of KMR TOURSPRESENT PASSOVER 2010 IN LAGUNA BEACH, CALIFORNIA

The KMR culinary team in conjunction with the 5 Diamond 5 Star culinary staff of the St. Regis | Private Sedorim Available |24 hr scrumptious tea room | All suites include complimentary butler service | Balcony in every room - Private Beach | Liveentertainment | Exclusive KMR | activity concierge | Outstanding children’s programs | Amazing Learning And Kids Pro-

gram | Acclaimed Heartwarming Chazzon | Experienced Teachers available for children & adult classes or private learning| Non-Gebrokts, Chassidishe Shechita and Cholov Yisroel

Stunning first class restort boasts:chassidishe shechita & cholov yisroel

JOIN OUR WORLD-RENOWNED SPEAKERS WITH MORE TO COME

WE CAN BOAST ABOUT MANY THINGS BUTIT’S THE INCREDIBLE WARMTH

AND AMAZING PROGRAMS WE ARE MOST PROUD OF

1-888-567-0100 or 7718-778-4241 WWW.KMRTOURS.COMPlease visit our website for a complete list of services, activities, amenities & much more.

PESACH AT THE ST REGISMONARCH BEACH, LAGUNA BEACH CALIFORNIA

P E S A C H I N L A G U N A B E A C H

Call for ourEARLYBIRD

SPECIALS *****FIVE STAR RESORT

issue 148

Documents

s s u e

d v e r t i s e p

y p r e s e n t sglatt

arpt h e s

f e b r u

org265 j

community linksexpress

pesach program