involving members who don’t play well on teams. leadership tips for dealing with difficult people
TRANSCRIPT
INVOLVING MEMBERS WHO DON’T PLAY WELL ON TEAMS.Leadership Tips for Dealing with Difficult People
Who are the members of my team?
Contact Dr. Michael J. Martin at [email protected]
Do we even see the same teammates?
Do we even see the same teammates?
Don’t get dragged down
“Misery loves company.” Be aware of the Debbie and David
Downers in your Grange Make sure you are not sucked up into
their world of negativity Keep your guard up!
Listen
It’s tempting to just tune these people out
This rarely stops them They may argue more forcefully because
they think nobody cares about them Best technique is to use good, normal
active listening skills, as you would for anyone else
Use a time limit for venting
There is a difference between being a perpetual pessimist and having an occasional need to vent
Everybody has tough times; sharing feelings can make us feel better
Use the “5-minute rule” Let a member vent for five minutes After that, assume he’s entered Downer
mode, and proceed with the next steps
Don’t agree
It’s tempting to try to appease Debbie Downer to make her stop and go away
You might be inclined to give a little nod or a “what can we do?”
Even though these responses seem harmless, they just throw fuel on the flames
Don’t stay silent
If you are clearly listening but say nothing
Your silence will be interpreted as agreement
Worse, if others are present, they too will assume you agree
Silence means you agree with the complainer
Do switch extremes into facts Negative people often speak in extreme
terms that match their worldviews They talk about “never” and “always.” Your first goal is to switch them to fact-
based statements
Move to problem solving
People who whine a lot often feel powerless
They believe the situation is hopeless Your only chance of ending their
negativity is to move them into a problem solving mode
This doesn’t always work, but it’s the only antidote known
Cut them off
If all your efforts fail If you deem these people to be
hopelessly negative You need to cut them off You: “Can we change the subject? You’re
really bumming me out. If you want to vent for a couple minutes, fine. If you want me to help you solve the problem, fine. But life is too short to wallow. Let’s move on to something else, OK?”
Lessons for team members
From Grange Ritual In the Fourth Degree, the Master talks about lessons we
take from a particularly colorful and very hard stone. “Let the Agate be to you an emblem of Fidelity. May
your principles of manhood and womanhood be as firmly impressed as the lasting colors in the stone, and may our friendship be as firm as the stone itself.”
That speaks to our ability as Patrons of Husbandry to
befriend our Brothers and Sisters and maintain those friendships over time.
Lessons for team members
From Grange Ritual Oliver Hudson Kelley had personal values that led
him to create the Grange: In answer to an enquiry about his hopes for the downtrodden farmer, Kelley wrote:
I have noticed particularly those engaged in
cultivating the soil, who comprise the bulk of the population and among these are noble mind, - rough diamonds that only need the polishing wheel of education to show their real values.
Lessons for team members
From Grange Ritual In the First Degree, the Overseer exhibits to the
candidates a memorandum book, a knife and a pencil. “Note down the new and useful ideas that come to you that they be not lost; for new ideas are the material with which progress is made. The knife is used to prune a straggling branch, to cut off the nests of insects, or to cut a plant whose nature you may wish to study.”
The Overseer continues, “In your intercourse with your
fellow beings correct an error kindly, and with the smooth edge of affection, and do not bruise a wound you wish to heal.”
Lessons for team members
From Grange Ritual Again from Brother Davis’ “Notes and Quotes:” “While the task of establishing a compact,
unified, successful, and increasing organization is herculean, and requires the dissemination of exact and accurate knowledge of all its most minute forms, the power to cripple, stagnate, and possibly destroy such an organization is not beyond the ability even of its humblest friends