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PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING

The Key Skills

by Christopher Senior

Noble Manhattan Publishing

Christopher Senior

The views and opinions expressed in this eBook are strictly those of the author. Any views and opinions may not represent those of Noble Manhattan Coaching and its affiliates.

Noble Manhattan Publishing is a resource offered to all Noble Manhattan Coaching Ltd. students. We aim to share our students’ theses with the world and to encourage continual learning throughout the coaching and personal/business development sector.

The views and opinions expressed in this thesis are solely those of the original author’s. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of Noble Manhattan Coaching Ltd.

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For more information about Noble Manhattan Publishing, Noble Manhattan Coaching Ltd. and its’ divisions, please see final page, or contact [email protected]

CONTENTS

A. Introduction to the Key Skills

B. The Skills of Doing

1. Introduction2. Creating rapport3. Listening4. Questioning5. Staying silent6. Feedback, suggestions and advice7. Structure8. Making a lasting change in the client’s life

C. The Skills of Being

1. Introduction2. Integrity3. Inner Calm4. Listening with the whole self 5. Trusting the client6. Detachment7. Conclusion

D. Business and Organisational Skills

1. Creating a business2. Marketing and Sales3. Operational Organisation

E. Conclusion

Appendix

Bibliography

Professional Life Coaching – The Key Skills Page 1

“My job always is to help others

find balance in their lives

and to develop their potential

to be the best they can.”

Christopher Senior With thanks to Michal Levin

‘The Times’, 9 October 2000


PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING: The Key Skills

A. Introduction to the Key Skills

“Mankind was my business.” This is the key phrase at the fulcrum of the most famous and dramatic story of personal development in the whole of English literature.

The words of the ghost of Jacob Marley to the terrified Scrooge in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol express the ideal which is at the heart of the work of the professional life coach – to make a contribution to the lives of others – women and men – for good. It is the privilege of the professional life coach to use abilities which all possess, but few take the trouble to develop, to support our fellow human beings in making the most of what Earl Nightingale called “this holiday on earth”1.

It is the honing of natural abilities into specific and identifiable practical skills which enables the life coach to be effective. However these practical skills are not the only ones necessary for success as a coach: the ‘doing’ skills of coaching are underpinned by an appropriate state of ‘being’ – both are necessary for the coaching process. This state of being depends on being ‘present’ for your client; being present depends on control of the inner self and this control is an ability acquired through practice – a skill.

In addition, since being professional is a matter of standards, the professional life coach will conduct themselves with integrity, which to a great extent is an outcome of the inner self control described above.

Being professional also implies being financially rewarded for services rendered: to undertake life coaching professionally will require the skills necessary to create and run a business.

So this thesis deals with the skills of the professional life coach in three areas: The Skills of Doing The Skills of Being Business and Organisational Skills

1. from Lead the Field, Nightingale Conant



B. The Skills of Doing

1. Introduction

Silence and speech. In that order. That is all coaching is about. The mastery of coaching lies in understanding the quality and dynamic of these two basic elements and in mastering the structure, timing and purpose of their use.

As Brian Tracy says1: “It’s simple but it’s not easy.” “Simple” because silence and speech are as basic to human interaction as oxygen and hydrogen are to the creation and survival of life on earth – and, particularly in the coaching context, the right mixture is just as crucial. “Not easy” because just as there are an infinite number of chemical compounds, so there are an infinite number of ways in which two people can interact, depending on a myriad of factors of which personality type, mood, circumstance and subject matter are only the most obvious examples.

Coaching is an emerging profession. It is also a discipline. Discipline is necessary to the achievement of any great purpose. The purpose of coaching is the enabling of fulfilled, balanced lives, where balance is achieved at a point where aspirations are fulfilled beyond expectation.

To achieve this great purpose requires the exercise of skill in handling the raw materials of silence and speech and the discipline to take the time to master those skills.

2. Creating rapport

There are an infinite number of ways in which people will interact. For the coaching process to be effective it is essential that there is an alignment in mood, outlook and intention between coachee and coach. The need for trust is the reason for this. The coaching process is about:

raising awareness by opening up and challenging deep-seated attitudes developing a sense of responsibility unleashing the motivation for action

To accomplish these three objectives a high degree of trust is a pre-requisite. Trust naturally exists between friends: coaching usually occurs between strangers. Trust is the outcome of building rapport. So even before we examine the use of speech and silence to conduct the coaching process, we consider the development of trust as the foundation for the effective coaching relationship.

However this trust-building process does not occur in isolation from the coaching process itself: it is woven into it by the use of a variety of techniques. While the conscious mind is busy conducting the coaching process the subconscious is engaged in building rapport. The skilled coach knows and uses the techniques, drawn from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), which are powerful creators of rapport and there is an entire literature devoted to the sophisticated use of the technique.


1. The Psychology of Achievement by Brian Tracy. Simon & Schuster


The first realisation is the proportion of input we gain, under normal circumstances, from

Body language55% Tone of voice 38% Words 7%

The second realisation is the power of matching or mirroring the coachee in each of these areas. So applying the principle of matching and mirroring to body language, tone of voice and words it is clear that powerful and basic ways of building rapport include:

matching breathing and blinking rates matching the speed, volume, tone, phrasing and cadence of the client’s speech. recognising and using the key words of the individual, having identified their natural

style on the ‘VHF spectrum’2 :

VHF Style NLP Equivalent Typical comment

Visual Visual “I see what you mean.”Hearing Auditory “It sounds like…”Feeling Kinisthetic “It feels as if…”

As a result of this awareness being exercised by the coach, the coachee will sense that the coach is “talking my language” or is “on my wavelength”.

Another way to create rapport is to recognise the personality type of the coachee and to respond in an appropriate way to that type, on the basis that “to get people to be interested in you, you must first be interested in them.”

The personality types, their dominant characteristics and the corresponding approach to them is as follows3:

Type Characteristic Approach

Generals Feel important Pay real attention Socialisers Are friendly Act relaxed Team Players Are quiet Speak softly Detectives Are formal, reserved Give them space

Most people are a mixture of styles with one pre-dominating: the skilled coach will identify this dominant style and play to it. “People like to deal with people who respect their


personality.”

Most coaching work by LCA coaches will be on the phone, so the possibilities for rapport building in the auditory spectrum are of particular interest. Research shows that vocal tone, intonation, resonance and delivery account for 84% of credibility when the speaker cannot be seen4. However body language remains important even in phone-based coaching: for instance speaking while standing up has more energy than when sitting down, both for physiological and psychological reasons. The Listen with Mother catchphrase “Are you sitting comfortably?” acquires a new significance.

2. The ‘VHF’ definition of NLP typologies was provided by Di McLanachan at the LCA residential.3. Drawn from the LCA conference call presented by Gerard O’Donovan on 17 October 2000.4. Telemarketing Basics by Julie Freestone and Janet Brusse, Kogan Page, 1989, page 23.



3. Listening

“First understand, then be understood.” says Stephen Covey1. It is said that this is the reason for having two ears and one mouth.

The variety of memorable phrases, images and ideas with which listening is described in the literature underlines its importance as a core coaching skill.

Co-Active Coaching specifies the central role of listening in the coaching process2: “Listening is the entry point for all of the coaching…..Listening is the gate through which all the coaching passes.” The authors go on to describe the rare and beneficial impact of listening and of the coaching process itself3:

“Imagine someone listening, not only to your words, but also to what’s behind them – who even listens to the spaces between the words. Someone who listens to the very best in you, even when you can’t hear it in yourself.”

The purpose, process and power of listening is described by Downey4 with a particularly memorable, and valuable, image which is worth quoting at length:

“In coaching, the purpose of listening is to understand – fully. This is because when you really listen to another person – when you understand them to the best of your ability – something extraordinary happens: the speaker (the coachee) typically arrives at a better understanding of the topic for themselves. And out of that better understanding, that seeing more clearly, people make better choices.

“Imagine a spring-loaded stack of plates such as you might find in a canteen. As you take the top plate the next one is pushed up. Each plate represents an idea or notion that rises into my consciousness. As a thought enters my consciousness and I pass it on to a listener, the next thought is pushed up. And I pass that one on. And then the next. Somewhere down in my stack of plates – in my set of ideas – is my solution, my creative idea, my insight. If someone is willing to listen to me, then I may get to that place, that plate, that thought. And because the thought is uniquely mine, I will nurture it, develop it and put it to some creative use.

“On the other hand, if my coach takes the first few plates, assumes that he now understands and then gives me back my plates and a few of his own – his own good ideas, his way forward on my issue – I have not really learned anything and I do not own the outcome.”


This approach supports Whitmore’s dual focus on awareness and responsibility in coaching5. The purpose of coaching therefore is to raise awareness, out of which the coachee is enabled to make better choices. The manner in which awareness is raised supports the taking of responsibility.

1. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. Simon & Schuster2. Co-Active Coaching by Laura Whitworth, Henry Kimsey-House and Phil Sandahl. Davies-Black Publishing, 1998.

Page 393. ibid, page xiii4. Effective Coaching by Myles Downey. Orion Business Books, 1999. Pages 40-415. Coaching for Performance by John Whitmore. Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 1996 (second edition). Chapter 4 and elsewhere.



Downey offers four simple techniques to improve listening skills6:

a) Start noticing when you are not listening. This is particularly hard but can be put to effective use if the coach is prepared to admit that he has lost the plot.

b) ‘Managing your communication cycles’ which means being deliberate and clear in moving through the Initiation-Response-Acknowledgement routine in each paragraph of the coaching session, and which is completed by:

c) Repeating, summarising and paraphrasing of materiald) Silence can be golden.

Similarly the authors of Co-Active Coaching identify the component skills of listening7 as:

Articulating Clarifying Meta-View Metaphor Acknowledging

We will return to many of these themes later.

You do not have to go far in the study of coaching to realise that listening is far from being a passive activity. Just as Einstein said that the solution to the problem lies at a deeper level, so the coach is “looking for the meaning behind the story, for the underlying process, for the theme that will deepen the learning. The coach is listening for the appearance of the client’s vision, values, purpose. The coach is also listening for resistance, fear, backtracking.”8

To support and specify this active process the authors of Co-Active Coaching identify three levels of listening9:

Level 1 – internal listening when we hear the words spoken but the focus of our thoughts is on their impact on us.

Level 2 – focused listening when the attention is entirely – hearing and attention – on the words of the speaker

Level 3 – a “global” range of listening in which the coach is hearing in a way which picks up emotion, body language, mood, pace, energy and “the environment itself”.

Naturally the good coach listens at Levels 2 and 3 providing the broadest range of information from which to work and the platform from which to ask effective and informed questions.

Effective coaching has three principal outputs. We have already identified how the exercise of effective listening skills can contribute to the first two:

Raised awareness which increases choice for the coachee.


A sense of responsibility arising from the coachee having identified the issues and answers for his or herself.

The third output from the coaching process is the motivation for action: the very act of thoughtful listening validates the views of the speaker, increasing his or her self-esteem, which is the bedrock for purposeful action.

6. ibid, pages 41-467. ibid, Chapter 38. Co-Active Coaching, page 99. ibid, pages 34-39



4. Questioning

Together with listening, questioning is the master skill of coaching. The questioning emerges out of the listening and since the process of coaching is about drawing out the coachee the questioning will follow the coachee’s train of thought. In all cases the purpose of questioning is to raise awareness.

The characteristics of effective questioning in a coaching context are:

Open. The question should always demand an answer greater than ‘yes’ or ‘no’: the purpose of the question is to make the coachee think hard. As Whitmore says: “Telling or asking closed questions saves people from having to think. Asking open questions causes them to think for themselves.”1

Beginning with ‘how’, ‘what’, ‘when’, ‘which’, ‘who’, ‘where’, ‘how much’ and ‘how many’ and avoiding ‘why’. Each of these interrogatives demand a considered response from the coachee. However commentators generally consider that ‘why’ is a

lazy and unfocused option for the coach, to be avoided because it tends to appear confrontational, “implying criticism and evoking defensiveness”2, and will lead the coachee to make a judgement about a situation, action or, most importantly, themselves: effective coaching occurs in an environment in which critical judgement is suspended. ‘Why’ can always be replaced by an approach which calls for a more precise and demanding answer, for instance: “What was the reason you did that?” is far more effective in demanding thought from the coachee than “Why did you do that?”

In the first place ‘what’ focuses the coachee’s attention on the motivation for the action, which will be useful. The ‘why’ question certainly appears to do that, but it also implies that the coach has formed a view of the appropriateness of the action – an example of the negative use of pre-supposition. This is largely conveyed in the spoken emphasis of the question – either actual or perceived. The coach will probably have intended to say “Why did you do that?”: the risk is that the coachee will hear “Why did you do that?” or “Why did you do that?” or even “Why did you do that? Each of these hearings implies a judgement on the part of the coach and demands a judgement by the coachee of themselves.

The avoidance of ‘why’ goes back to the roots of coaching in sport: the discovery that “Which way is the ball spinning?” is a more effective coaching tool than “Why are you not watching the ball” – the first focusing attention on the ball (the relevant issue) and the second focusing on the player’s performance (a psychological distraction)3.

Following the train of thought of the coachee, though that may sometimes mean using questions to direct the coachee’s attention to an area which they appear to be avoiding.

The purpose of questioning is to develop precision, so in the course of a session the questions will move from the general (“What has been going on since we last spoke?”) to the demandingly particular (“OK, so tell me, precisely when are you going to do that?”).


1. ibid, page 392. Whitmore, page 423. Downey, pages 5-9


The authors of Co-Active Coaching identify ‘powerful’ and ‘dumb’ questions as particularly important tools in the kitbag of the skilled coach. “Powerful questions stop people in their tracks…Clients are not accustomed to having people confront them with strong, provocativequestions that ask for the real truth.”4. Powerful questions gain power from their brevity: “So what?” is a particularly incisive way of interrupting a well-established narrative.

Since the essence of the coaching process is to encourage change and the development of new modes of thought and action – new habits – it is sometimes necessary to put a bomb under the old structures: powerful questions, and particularly ‘dumb’ questions achieve this. The dumb question is the obvious one to ask, often so obvious that the coach is inhibited to ask it. It is the sort of question a child would ask – devastating in its directness, its simplicity and its ability to get to the root of the matter. For example:

“What do you want?” “What does rich mean?” “How serious are you about achieving that?”

The effectiveness of questioning is reinforced by the skill of paraphrasing and summarising which gives the coachee the opportunity to hear how an answer sounded, providing room for clarification and for checking the accuracy of understanding. The habit of summarising is also useful in giving structure to a coaching session by rounding off a phase or particular aspect of the discussion.

5. Staying silent

Coaching is not normal conversation. It is a dialogue with its own set of rules. The conventions of daily conversation, so deeply ingrained in all of us that we do not notice them, will often inhibit effective coaching. Acknowledging and acting on this realisation is a key piece of learning in the development of the coach.1

Normal conversation is usually moved forwards by each participant contributing to a flow of ideas which develop out of each other. Coaching is about raising awareness and so stopping that flow of conversation and ideas in its tracks and demanding observation: we have seen how coaching questions break conversational convention to achieve this.

A most powerful tool – and the most difficult for the novice coach to use – is silence. Normal conversation abhors silence just as nature abhors a vacuum, so staying silent is a learned skill for the effective coach.

As Downey says: “Silence is truly golden in a coaching session. Typically, it means that the coachee is busy thinking or processing something internally. When they are ready to respond again, they will tell you.”2

Section 4:4. ibid, page 71


Section 5:1. An effective – and uncomfortable – way to demonstrate the difference between everyday conversation and the

style of coaching dialogue is to introduce a coaching style of questioning into normal conversation: the pressure is not usually appreciated.

2. ibid, page 46PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING: The Key Skills

There are however different types of silence, principally the thoughtful silence and the silence which indicates that the coachee does not know where to go next. The skill of the coach is in distinguishing between the two and then acting appropriately. As a rule of thumb, the silence following a question should usually be a thoughtful silence (if it was a worthwhile question!): the silence after feedback or following the summary which closes a paragraph in the conversation usually means it is time for the coach to move on.

However there are occasions when the silence which leaves room for thought may be more useful in stimulating thought than a follow-up question, as in:

Coachee: “Yes I can see that I could think more positively.”

Coach: “Well done. That’s a real breakthrough. [So how can that positive thinking be applied?]”

With awareness already raised and the motivation to move forwards in place the coachee will already be considering the answer and the question becomes an irritating interruption: the coach must take care not to sabotage his own good work in raising awareness and increasing motivation by questions – questions which are dumb for being asked inappropriately. As in so many aspects of coaching however, judgement is the key. Each situation is unique and it is only with practice that the coach will fully develop the skill to know when to remain silent.

6. Feedback, suggestions and advice

The essence of the coaching process is supporting and enabling the coachee to draw out from within themselves the truth and understanding they need to move forwards in their lives. As Laura Berman Fortgang says “Coaching takes an inside-out approach to your career success.”1

This is the true meaning of ‘education’2.

So to be effective, coaching needs to go to a level at which the coachee may discover the truth of a situation for themselves and find for themselves the internal logic for change. However while the coachee needs ownership of the solution it is also true that people need help, encouragement and, occasionally, something more impactful, in order to find the way forwards: this is where feedback, suggestions and advice have a part to play.

Downey3 offers a spectrum of coaching styles from the non-directive (listening to understand, reflecting, paraphrasing, summarising) to the directive (telling, instructing). In the middle are the skills involved in giving feedback, making suggestions and offering advice.


The coaching skill relating to feedback, suggestions and advice is the manner in which that support is offered:

The support must be relevant. The area of feedback, suggestions and advice provide a trap for the coach and the authors of Co-Active Coaching puts their finger on it: “In order to truly hold the client’s agenda, the coach must get out of the way.”4 (my italics). Feedback, suggestions and advice offer the tempting opportunity for the coach to move to his/her agenda: to avoid doing so requires what Co-Active Coaching labels as “self-management”: “Self-management is the coach’s ability to set aside his or her own personal opinions, preferences, pride, defensiveness, ego.”

1. Take yourself to the Top by Laura Berman Fortgang. Thorsons, 1999. Page xiii.

2. From the Latin educare, to lead out. 3. ibid, page 184. ibid, page 11, also page 258



If the principle of restraint is not sufficient, those with a prescriptive tendency would do well to remember the practical reason for keeping their own counsel, neatly summed up in Brian Tracy’s dictum: “The universal propensity to give advice is only matched by the universal propensity to ignore it”5.

The move from a non-directive to a directive style must be clearly signalled. This change of style is indicated by a formal offer of feedback, suggestion or advice. Equally important it must be clear when the non-directive style is being resumed. Downey defines a three stage process6:

Contract clarifying the intention and making the offerData delivering specific information of the highest quality possibleAction pinning down what the coachee is going to do as a result.

The coachee must retain choice, that is choice about whether to receive the feedback, suggestion or advice, as well as whether to act on it.

These different inputs move progressively from feedback, which is based on the coach’s observation of the coachee, through suggestions, which arise from the coach’s own experience or understanding of an issue, to advice which has more to do with the coach’s perspective than with an understanding of that of the coachee. Indeed, as Downey observes: “‘Advice’ suggests that the coach has not really been helpful in taking the coachee through the Reality stage of the GROW model.”7

Three further options are instructing, telling and demanding8, which are generally out of place in the non-directive approach to coaching, but which may be relevant when particular circumstances demand, such as shortage of time, the need to impart technical knowledge or when the coach is tired or upset, or when the coachee has got stuck. As with feedback, suggestions and advice, seeking permission to allow the coachee to retain control is vital.

It is interesting to observe that as the coaching style moves to the directive end of the spectrum, the use of a particular approach may say more about the lack of adequacy of the coach than the needs of the coachee. As Downey says: ”In my experience, 99 per cent of the times when I have resorted to giving instructions it is because I, as a coach have lost my way in the session, or lost interest or was just too tired.”9 However the authors of Co-Active Coaching point out10 that the shock tactic of using a technique from this end of the spectrum can have the effect of moving the coachee forwards rapidly. The skill is in doing so in a manner which demonstrates the total commitment of the coach to the coachee’s best interests.

A distinction should be drawn between the use of these techniques in a management context and when they are used by an independent coach. In the management situation, the


relationship between coach and coachee will be a factor influencing the offer, acceptance and delivery of feedback, suggestions and advice. The manager/coach needs to pay particular attention to guard against a natural tendency to move towards the directive end of the spectrum in the interests of fulfilling the Industrial Society’s classic definition of the role of management – “the achievement of tasks through others”.

5. The Psychology of Achievement6. ibid, pages 60-617. ibid, page 628 There is a difference between the British and the American style which appears to conform to national stereotypes, with a more forceful approach being validated by the American authors and the less intrusive

style being considered appropriate by Downey: instructing and telling are part of the Downey model; demanding is introduced by the authors of Co-Active Coaching.

9. ibid, page 6310. ibid, page 165



The final word on this topic goes to Benjamin Franklin, in his pioneering work in the genre of autobiography (which is also, in part, a seminal work in the field of personal development):

“…if you wish to instruct others, a positive and dogmatical manner in advancing your sentiments may occasion opposition and prevent a candid attention…..[Alexander] Pope judiciously observes:

‘Men must be taught as if you taught them not,And things unknown proposed as things forgot.’”11

7. Structure

As we have seen already, the coaching session is a conversation with its own particular conventions. One of the most prominent of these, at least from the perspective of the coach, is its structure. The structure is necessary to enable the coachee to go on the journey of thought through which awareness is raised, responsibility accepted, a plan of action drawn up and the motivation for action confirmed and supported. The use of structure provides the framework within which all the other skills of the coach are exercised.

The most popular structure for the coaching session is the GROW model. This is not the place to provide a detailed dissection of the model’s mechanism: what is relevant here to a discussion of coaching skills is:

The coach’s facility in the operation of the model, including its prelude (the Topic) and postlude (the Naildown).

The coach’s understanding that the model’s operation is non-linear ie a discussion about the Goal may include material relevant to the Reality section, or a consideration of the Options or Way Forward may include a revisiting of the Goal itself. In the hands of a skilled coach the session covers all aspects of the model without the coachee being aware that a particular structural agenda is being followed.1

Each of the elements of the GROW model calls for particular aspects of the skills already discussed. In general the coach is exercising the ability to move from a general questioning style that raises awareness to an action-oriented style which commits the coachee to his or her chosen way forwards.

In the Goal-setting section of the model the key skill is to help the coachee shape a clear, positive, action-oriented goal. In the Reality section the skill required is the ability in “drilling down” with probing questions to help both coachee and coach understand the true picture. As the session moves from reflection to action from the Options section onwards, the necessary


skill is to motivate, encourage and then to pin down the commitment of the coachee to precise and specific actions.

The skilled coach will also be aware of the use of timing and pace in working with the GROW model. The Topic, Goal-setting and Reality sections tend to be reflective, whereas the Options, Way Forward and Naildown are action-oriented. In the earlier sections an unhurried pace which allows room for reflection is generally more appropriate whereas in the action-oriented sections the emphasis is likely to be on generating energy and motivation, in which case a livelier pace is more appropriate.

Section 6:11. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. Airmont Publishing, 1965. Page 24.

Section 7:1. ibid, see the diagram on page 30 and discussion on page 37.



8. Making a lasting change in the client’s life

Coaching is about helping individuals to make change in their lives. The skills outlined above add up to a portfolio of techniques to make that change stick. This happens because coaching works with the combined – and awesome – power of the coachee’s whole mind and brain, addressing both the conscious and the sub-conscious and playing to the strengths of each.

By focusing attention on the needs, wants, motives and desires of the coachee and by doing so in a manner which provides positive reinforcement and is non-judgemental the coach speaks to, and encourages the coachee to engage with, the largely untapped power of the subconscious mind. By directing the coachee to deliverable actions in response to a specific agenda, the coach speaks to the coachee’s conscious, reasoning mind.

In discussing the tool kit of coaching skills we have noticed that the effectiveness of change arises from raised awareness and a developed sense of responsibility, through which the coachee is able to make better choices about the direction of change in their lives.

As the authors of Co-Active Coaching have it: “…action and learning combine to create change.”1 It is the focus on action which distinguishes coaching from counselling and it is coaching’s focus on true learning which poses serious questions for the philosophy of education. The learning of coaching “generates new resourcefulness, expanded possibilities, stronger muscles for change”2 by focusing on encouraging the individual to discover their own possibilities – of learning, being and doing.

Downey points out3 that we learned to walk without the aid of a textbook and by trial and error with a little help from our friends. Coaching is about helping the coachee to rediscover their own ability to learn and in doing so to discover their own greater possibilities with renewed confidence and greater self-knowledge.

In this view of the human condition we are each to be considered as acorns with the capacity to grow into mighty oaks, not empty vessels into which information and outside stimuli are to be poured. Ultimately the practical skills of the professional life coach are all aimed that achieving that purposeful and ultimately fulfilling growth.


1. ibid, page 52. Co-Active Coaching, page 53. ibid, page 19


C. The Skills of Being

1. Introduction

In the Foreword to Co-Active Coaching Sir John Whitmore describes coaching as “a new skill or new way of being – or something in between”1. The previous section of this study explored those new skills. Now we consider the skills which underpin this “new way of being” and the extent to which being and doing are interwoven to create the whole skill set required for effective coaching.

The essence of this new way of being is illustrated by two vivid images from the authors of Co-Active Coaching:

“This [coach/coachee] relationship is like having your own personal navigator for the journey of your life: someone who will help you find your way and stay on course.” 2

The coach is there while they [the coachee] work on the mechanisms of their life – handing them the tools, holding the light, so they can see what needs to be done and have both hands free to do it.” 3

These metaphors suggest total support, honesty and objectivity. Above all they speak of an attitude that allows the coachee to set the agenda. This is the nature of being as a coach: the full value of all the practical skills detailed above is only realised when those skills are expressions of this coachee-focused outlook. It is for this reason that these intangible Skills of Being are given a section to themselves in this thesis.

2. Integrity

“To thine own self be true” says Hamlet1. This is integrity. It is the core virtue of coaching:

Integrity will characterise the relationship of the coach to him or herself. Integrity in the life of the coach provides that peace and presence of mind which enables the coachee to be served effectively. Integrity is what “walking the talk” is all about.

Integrity also characterises the relationship of the coach with the coachee since integrity is the parent of trust. The coach will bring intuition to the coaching process – and so will the coachee: the coachee will know, even if at a sub-conscious level, when the coach is not fully present or is in some other way giving short change.

Section 1:


1. ibid page ix2. ibid page xvii3. ibid page xix

Section 2:1. Hamlet, Prince of Denmark by William Shakespeare, Act I, sc.iii. The full quotation reads: “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”


Integrity is certainly a state of being. How can it be a learned skill? As with every other skill it is only acquired by practice - by dedicated attention to “consistency of thoughts, words and deeds” as the LCA Coaching Manual has it: “The more consistent you are in your thoughts, words and actions, the easier it becomes to be true to yourself and experience the wonderful and joyful feelings of completeness.”2 Those powerfully positive feelings will be the basis for the inner calm discussed in the next section.

3. Inner calm

An appropriate state of mind in the coach is a fundamental pre-requisite for effective coaching. Coaching is about concentrating on the coachee’s agenda: this will not be possible if there are issues and distractions in the life of the coach.

To be fully present for the coachee; to concentrate on the coachee’s agenda and to be responsive to the direction of the coachee’s thought process requires that, as Co-Active Coaching has it, the coach is mentally “dancing in the moment”1

To be fully present in the moment means that:

a) the coach has developed the mental discipline to remain intensely focused and engaged in ‘360 degree’ listening – Level III listening as Co-Active Coaching describes it2.

b) there are no issues in the coach’s personal circumstances which cause anxiety, worry or fear to distract from the coaching activity.

The ideal is that the coach will bring to coaching activity a state of being in which the peace, harmony and balance of the life lived is a reflection of the peace, harmony and balance of the coach’s mind. This requirement for “walking the walk and talking the talk” is the most powerful demonstration of the benefits which coaching brings to the coach themselves. This state of being will be arrived at through mental disciplines such as meditation and the good order of all the practical aspects of the coach’s personal circumstances.

4. Listening with your whole self


A particular reason for a state of inner calm is for the coach to be able to listen with their whole self and to be able to offer the client their gift for intuition. Intuition is the idea that springs from nowhere in defiance of the logical thought processes in which we have been schooled from the earliest age. Intuition may announce itself with a kick in the solar plexus, or a ‘still small inner voice’ or an idea that demands attention.

As Co-Active Coaching says: “Intuition is like a small flash of light that is already beginning to fade as soon as it appears.”1 As with the observation of a shooting star its passing is so fleeting that you are uncertain whether you really saw or only imagined it. The untrained

Section 2:2. LCA Coaching Manual, Workbook Three, Top Ten Core Values for Coaches, page 15

Section 3:1. ibid, page 122. ibid, page 37

Section 4:1. ibid, page 55



reaction to intuition is to analyse and judge whether it is fit for introduction to the coaching process; however it is just as valid as the consciously constructed thought – perhaps more so because it has not been subjected to the censoring process of the coach’s ego.

The skill which the coach needs to learn is to trust the intuition and be prepared to act on impulse – responding to being “on the edge” as Co-Active Coaching2 describes the coaching process, risking the possibility of the idea being rejected and being confident that it will contribute something of value, however unexpected.

Intuition is the product of what Co-Active Coaching describes as Level III listening3, in which the coach is open to receive information through all the senses.

5. Trusting the client

Trust is the vital pre-condition for effective coaching. In the discussion on intuition we saw that the coach must trust themselves in bringing their unconscious insights – their intuitions, as well as their conscious reactions, to the coaching table. In the same way the coachee must trust the coach for coaching to begin and continue effectively. Finally, and crucially, the coach must trust the coachee.

Running as a silken thread through all discussion of coaching is the belief, whether expressed in overtly religious terms or not, that each human being is made in the image of God, is a wonderful expression of God’s creation and has the unique capacity within the created order to fulfil themselves in whatever way they choose for the good of themselves and others. From this springs the idea that learning is the process of nurturing acorns into mighty oaks rather than filling empty vessels. It leads to an attitude of total belief in, and support for, the coachee.

To many – perhaps most – this trusting approach will not come naturally and will be a skill learned with practice. It is a skill well worth acquiring since it will greatly increase the effectiveness of the coach, not only by demonstrating – consciously and sub-consciously – that the coach is ‘with’ the coachee, but also because it will allow the coach themselves to enjoy a greater degree of self-assurance, removing the worry about what to say next. As Downey says: “If you are completely focused and interested in your coachee’s learning, your natural instinct to coach will manifest itself and you will ask appropriate questions…The best question I was ever asked when being coached was ‘I don’t know what the next question is. Do you?’. And I


did. If you’re stuck your attention will be with yourself and not with the coachee. Don’t get stuck, get interested.”1

Section 4:2. ibid, page 123. ibid, page 37

Section 5:1. ibid, page 53PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING: The Key Skills

6. Detachment

Part of the problem for the coachee is that they are unable to put distance between themselves and their problems in order to see them in perspective – they cannot see the wood for the trees. Downey provides a graphic illustration1 of how a detached overview can provide the understanding of a problem and its solution: viewed dispassionately from the top of a double decker bus it may be possible to see how to unblock a traffic jam quite easily while the people in the middle of it at ground level will experience great personal frustration and animosity. It is the phenomenon described in Co-Active Coaching as the Meta-View – which “presents the big picture and opens up room for perspective”, reconnecting clients “to their vision of themselves and a fulfilling life”2.

Detachment arises from the development of an appropriate state of mind. This has three aspects, two of which can be enhanced by practice:

a) The coach has the advantage of not having lived with, and inside, the coachee’s situation and so is not prey to the worries, fears and emotional and mental plaque which accumulates in the mind, particularly when an issue is allowed to fester.

b) The coach is, by definition, training and inclination, totally committed to the coachee’s good, with complete belief in the coachee’s potential. The coach therefore brings a positively committed detachment, providing a fresh and constructive perspective on the issue.

c) The coach is not only detached from the coachee’s situation but does not bring any of their own agenda to the discussion. In the words of the authors of Co-Active Coaching“In order to truly hold the client’s agenda, the coach must get out of the way.” 3

The benefit of this detachment comes in the replaying, summarising and reframing of what has been said, enabling the coachee to see the situation through fresh eyes – those of the coach.

Replaying and summarising both begin with remarks such as “So what you are telling is….would that be correct?” or “It look/sounds/feels as if this is the position….Is that how it seems to you?

Reframing is a particularly useful technique for moving the client forwards from a mental position in which they may be stuck. It builds on this process of replaying and summarising by looking at the coachee’s situation from a fresh perspective which, as Co-Active Coaching says, “provides…a sense of renewed possibility”4. Reframing is the process of enabling the client to


see opportunities within circumstances which previously appeared to contain only problems and obstacles: the skill of the coach is to use his/her detachment and knowledge of the coachee’s wider situation to find the silver lining in each apparently dark cloud.

Section 6:1. ibid, page 452. ibid, page 423. ibid, page 114. ibid, page 109


7. Conclusion

In this section a number of concepts have been described as “skills of being”. In other circumstances, such as the LCA coaching manual, many of them appear as values1. These concepts are values in the sense that they are pre-requisites for effective coaching; they are skills in the sense that they are attributes which can be learned.

As was noted in the introduction, Sir John Whitmore suggests that coaching is in part a new way of being. Having analysed what appear to be particularly relevant aspects of this new way of being, what is striking is that learning this new way of being is not so much about acquiring new habits as unlearning old ones:

not accepting that the fractured nature of personality is adequate learning to trust, rather than reject, the promptings of the subconscious learning to trust the adequacy of others learning a state of mind which is not ego-centred

It is also notable that since these ideas relate to states of being they have an application well beyond the world of coaching, indeed they are values – or virtues – well worth cultivating even without the incentive to develop and maintain a successful coaching practice.

In fact these ideas seem to have far wider implications, pointing to a healthier definition of the relationship which we ought to have with ourselves and with each other, expressed time and again in ancient philosophy, religion and wisdom, but being heard for the first time amid the clutter and chatter of our materialist, media-dominated age. Coaching provides a synthesis of the benefits of this outlook. It is interesting to speculate whether, in terms of social cohesion, coaching may be the equivalent for our self-actualising age of the grooming which we observe in our primate ancestors.


1. LCA Coaching Manual, Workbook Three


D. Business and Organisational Skills

1. Creating a business

It is only possible to become a coach by learning and applying the practical skills outlined in the first section of this study. To be truly effective as a coach those practical skills will be underpinned by an appropriate set of values, or ‘skills of being’ as they have been described.However we are also concerned here with the key skills needed by the professional life coach:professionalism is not only about meeting standards but also about financial reward, so business skills come into the picture, as well as the organisational skills which go with them.

In the first place the coach will need the skill to create a simple plan for the business. This will include the findings of research to demonstrate that there is a demand, an approach to the marketing of the business which considers who the customers will be and whether the coach will be concentrating on the corporate or the individual market. The plan will also include budgets for the business, together with consideration of financial resources and any other infrastructure which may be required.

The completion of a business plan will focus the coach on the key issues for the development of the business and provide an essential tool for demonstrating the credibility of the idea to third parties – bank managers, other funders and strategic partners.

2. Marketing and Sales

Rudimentary marketing skills are required to establish exactly what is to be offered and to whom: what specialisms within the coaching environment; whether the corporate sector will be a key market. The answers to these questions will emerge from the research process and the SWOT analysis conducted by the coach. The research is likely to be informal and based on discussion with business professionals and advisers as well as canvassing prospects.


The coach will need to have basic skills in copywriting, design layout and use of computer graphics to enable the production of marketing communications materials such as promotional materials, press releases etc. An understanding of the media will be helpful to enable the valuable PR activity with local press to be undertaken.

Sales activity does not come naturally to everyone, however, unless the coach is extremely in having a captive market, it will be necessary for the coach to follow up on mailings and undertake cold calling. Presentational skills will also be valuable to take advantage of the many opportunities for public speaking to the many local groups which exist within every community.

3. Operational Organisation

The aspiring coach will need basic organisational skills in time management and administration in order to be able to run the business efficiently. Time management will be vital to ensure that coaching sessions are run on schedule and that the diary is efficiently maintained. Administrative skill will be required to ensure that clients’ paperwork – letters of agreement or contracts, notes of calls etc are kept in good order – and that a good supply of marketing materials is available.


E. Conclusion

The key skills needed by the professional coach that have been identified in this study represent the rudimentary requirements of this subtle and demanding profession. As the profession becomes further established so the requirements will be refined.

However identification of the skills required is only one part of the story: a skill is nothing unless it is practised, so the final skill to be identified must be the self discipline to enable all the other skills to be practised to perfection. Self mastery is, after all, an important goal of personal development work, to which coaching itself is a major contributor.

Christopher Senior2 January 2001Southwell



Postcript

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

“We are all meant to shine as children do. We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us: it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Nelson MandelaFrom the speech on the occasion of his

inauguration as President of South Africa



Appendix

Bibliography

In addition to those works referred to specifically in the text and acknowledged in the footnotes, the following are among the works which have shaped this coach’s thinking about meaning, purpose, personal development and coaching:

Allen, James, As A Man Thinketh, Running Press, 1989 Baldwin, James Mark, The Story of the Mind, George Newnes, 1899 Campbell, Eileen, Time to Be: Reflections on Facing the Future, Thorsons, 1999 Cameron, Julia, The Artist’s Way, Pan, 1995 Crawford, Roger, How High Can You Bounce, Vermilion, 1999 Edwards, Harry, The Healing Intelligence, Herbert Jenkins, 1965 Gallwey, Timothy W., The Inner Game of Tennis, Pan, 1986 Green Ansley, Helen, Life’s Finishing School, Institute of Noetic Sciences Griffiths, Bede, The Marriage of East and West, Fount, 1983 Handy, Charles, The Age of Unreason, Arrow, 1990 Handy, Charles, The Empty Raincoat, Hutchinson, 1994 Hay, Louise L., You Can Heal Your Life, Eden Grove, 1987 His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Ancient Wisdom, Modern World, Abacus, 2000 Hoff, Benjamin, The Tao of Pooh, Mandarin Paperbacks, 1989 Jeffers, Susan, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Arrow, 1991 Kidman, Antony, Tactics for Changing your Life, Kogan Page, 1989 Kingston, Karen, Clear your Clutter with Feng Shui, Piatkus, 1998 Knight, Sue, NLP at Work, Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 1995


MacLennan, Nigel, Coaching and Mentoring, Gower, 1995 McCormack, Mark H., The 110% Solution, Pan Books, 1990 Murray, Phil, You Can Always Get What You Want. PeRFECT WORDS & MUSIC, 1993 Orman, Suze, The Courage to Be Rich, Vermilion, 1999 Peck, Scott M., The Road Less Travelled, Arrow, 1990 Richardson, Cheryl, Take Time for Your Life, Bantam Books, 2000 Russell, Peter, The Awakening Earth, Arkana, 1991 Senge, Peter M., The Fifth Discipline, Century Business, 1990 Verney, Stephen, Water into Wine, An Introduction to John’s Gospel, Fount, 1985 Wilber, Ken, The Atman Project, Quest, 1980 Ziegler, Warren, Ways of Enspiriting: Transformative Practices for the Twenty First

Century, FIA INTERNATIONAL LLC, 1995


About Noble Manhattan Coaching Ltd.

As the longest established company that trains Professional Life Coaches and Executive Coaches in the world (first registered 1993 ) and well-established leaders in the field of personal development. We have, for years, worked with both individuals and companies to raise their level of self-empowerment and achievement. We are delighted that Starting in October 2010 we have begun working with strategic partners and licensed distributors worldwide and are now delighted to be trading in 27 countries around the globe.

Our motto is “fortune favours the prepared mind” and all of our courses, presentations and products are aimed at providing you with the mindset you need to make the most of the life ahead of you. We firmly believe everyone has the ability to be, do and have anything they desire. So if you have the willingness to learn we can provide the rest.

If you are interested in getting an international qualification to become a qualified coach, please get in touch – [email protected]

Noble Manhattan Coaching Ltd. Divisions and Opportunities

Noble Media –

Noble Media is here to help all coaches (both aspiring and practicing), personal development specialists, business owners/managers and everyone involved in the professional and personal growth sector enhance their practices. We offer two sections; ‘Market’ and ‘Improve’. If you are looking to market yourself, or your business, we have teamed up with a number of media outlets that may suit your needs. If you are looking to improve yourself or your business, we have teamed up with two of the most successful training, and peer-to-peer networking groups.

Noble Media is always searching for regional managers to sell products in their areas, for more information please contact [email protected]

The International Coaching News –

The International Coaching News is an online magazine created by leading figures in the coaching world. It has been developed to aid everyone in all areas of coaching and personal development; provide essential information for any practicing or future coach; and encourages visitors and subscribers to interact with us on general points of interest and suggestions.

International Coaching News is a quarterly online magazine which caters to a person’s need for self- development. ICN also delivers the latest news about the coaching world where coaches, future coaches and subscribers are always updated. With ICN, one will have the chances to read different perspectives in coaching, how and why coaching is disparate from counseling and therapy, and the profit one can gain with coaching not only as a way for personal development but also as a business advantage.

The International Coaching News has a number of opportunities, from advertising to submitting articles. For more information, please get in touch – [email protected]

Coach Radio International –

Coach Radio International is the worlds’ largest online radio platform for the coaching and personal/professional development world. Coach Radio International streams a number of pre- recorded radio shows 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Each recording can be listened to again, both online and offline.

Anyone in the personal/professional development world is able to purchase their own show and become a Coach Radio International presenter.

Coach Radio International has a number of opportunities, from jingles/advertising to submitting your own show. For more information, please get in touch – [email protected]

Coach Finder –

Coach Finder is one of the worlds’ largest online coaching and personal/professional development directories in the world. Registration is completely free, or you have the option to upgrade for just£2+VAT a month.

For more information, or to register for your free listing, head to www.Coach-Finder.com

The Coaching Blog –

The Coaching Blog, run by master coach, Gerard O’Donovan.

Within this unique blog, you will come across thoughts and postings from the worlds’ leading thinkers in the coaching, leadership, management, personal development and fulfillment world.

We understand how difficult it is to keep up with countless blogs and newsletters and actually keep track of them all, which is why The Coaching Blog will deliver an aggregation of all the top thinkers’ thoughts and posts.

By marketing in the Coaching Blog, you will reach a wide audience of business professionals, many of whom are looking to receive professional and executive coaching for their businesses.

The Coaching Blog is now accepting sponsored submissions, for more information please contact [email protected]

Ebooks For Coaches –

E-books for coaches is an initiative and idea created by Gerard O’Donovan, the owner and founder of Noble Manhattan Coaching and the CEO of the IIC (The International Institute of Coaching).

As part of his vision and quest to help coaches to be all that they can be, and to assist them both on the road to mastery within the profession and to build a large sustainable and financially rewarding practice, he wanted to create a site where coaches could easily access information that would be of huge interest and benefit to qualified coaches and student coaches alike.

You are welcome to place an Ebook on the website to be sold, or to give away for free as part of your marketing scheme. For more information, please contact [email protected]

The Alpha Group –

The Alpha Group consists of peer-to-peer mastermind advisory boards targeted at business owners and managers helping them continue to thrive and make it to the “next level” wherever that may be for them.

The Alpha Group brings together entrepreneurs for peer-to-peer exchange and support in a unique, member-driven experience. Business owners and Managing Directors worldwide can be part of an exclusive group of qualified executives to brainstorm strategies, and realise the potential of increasing profit and growth.

Top professionals have teamed up with Noble Manhattan, a well-established leader in the coaching industry, and are anxious to take your success to the next level. Our Alpha Group Directors are specifically trained through The Alpha GOLD™ business growth strategies which can be applied to every aspect of any business.

For more information on the Alpha Group, including how you can get involved, please contact [email protected]

introduction to the key skills web viewthe final word on this topic goes to benjamin franklin, ......

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