introduction a new way to love - pressvillage.comeducational, not therapeutic. however, to integrate...

Introduction ! 1

A

NEW WAY

TO LOVE living God�s purpose

for your marriage

by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.

FACILITATOR GUIDE

A New Way to Love®

telephone: 866-489-1163 website: www.newwaytolove.com

2 ! A New Way to Love

Copyright © 2004, 2008, 2009 by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.

ISBN: 978-0-9842911-2-0

CASP, LLC. Revised October 2009. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without permission of the publisher. The Scripture versions cited in this manual are identified in Appendix A, which hereby becomes a part of this copyright page.

Special thanks to . . .

Imago therapists Saundra Dickinson, LPC, LMFT, NCC, Barbara Fontana, Ph.D., Louis McLeod,

Ph.D., and Keith Miller, MSW—members of our Advisory Team—for dedicating their time and

wisdom in overseeing the revision of this curriculum.

The specialists who participated in the DVD: Francine Beauvoir, Ph.D., Bruce Crapuchettes,

Ph.D., Rev. Dr. Katharine Henderson, Rev. Charles P. Henderson, Jesse Johnson, MA,

Melva Thomas Johnson, LMSW, Evie Shafner, MFCC, and Gene Shelly, M.Div.

The couples in the DVD for sharing their stories: Tammy and Danny, Kate and Dave, Ann

and Bill, Mikki and Mike, and Raquel and Steve.

Members of the National Council of Churches, including Rev. Mayra Castaneda, Rev. Mary

Jane Pierce Norton, and Rev. Garland Pierce, for their essential feedback.

Ron and Cynthia Engstrom and Pamela Monday for conducting pilots on the program.

And to Larry Semrau, D. Min., for participating in the Advisory Team, for co-leading a pilot with

his wife, Sherry Semrau, Ph.D., and who has demonstrated a deep commitment to this

program’s redevelopment.

What people are saying about this program . . .

“An amazing, eye-opening experience that will last a lifetime!” ~ Matthew G. (Atlanta)

“I came to this program with my worst enemy and left with my best friend.”

~ Julie B. (San Francisco) “Through this program, our relationship reached a deeper level of connection. We now realize God did put us together to become healers for each other. What an insight!”

~ George K. (Maryland) “I came away from this program with the vision of world transformation through transformed marriage. I get it that peace in the home is the basis for peace in the world.”

~ Mary W. (Nashville)

What people are saying about Getting the Love You Want . . .

“I know of no better guide for couples who genuinely desire a maturing relationship.”

~ M. Scott Peck, M.D. “Getting the Love You Want provides a road map for couples seeking a path to intimacy. This is the most practical book I have seen on the understanding of intimate relationships.”

~ Marion Solomon, Ph.D.


ABOUT THIS PROGRAM

A New Way to Love is an educational program for Christian couples

based on Imago Relationship Therapy, a theory of couplehood co-

created by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., and

first presented in the best-selling book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for

Couples.

The purpose of the program is to invite couples to protect, nourish, and

transform their marriage into an enduring and fulfilling connection. This is a spiritual

process that restores connection to each other and to Christ. Transforming our

relationships one couple at a time contributes to the transformation of humankind and

the healing of the planet.

Although based on Imago Relationship Theory, A New Way to Love is

educational, not therapeutic. However, to integrate the new perspectives offered in the

course, some couples may discover they need additional help from an Imago therapist

or coach. For more information on how to obtain additional resources, please visit our

website at www.newwaytolove.com. Resources are also offered in the Appendix.

By facilitating this program to couples, Facilitators acknowledge that CASP, LLC is

not a licensing agency. As such, Facilitators cannot represent themselves as

credentialed or trained to offer Imago Relationship Therapy to the general public

and must clearly indicate in all related advertising that A New Way to Love: Living

God’s Purpose for Your Marriage is an educational program.

God is love, and those who abide in

love abide in God, and God abides in

them.

~ 1 John 4:16b NRSV

CONTENTS Introduction by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt ..............................................9

Getting Started.............................................................................................................13

Optional: Introductory Session (1 hour).....................................................................25

The Sessions

Session 1. Charting the Path ..................................................................................33

Session 2. Preparing for the Journey .....................................................................47

Session 3. Joining Hands on the Way ....................................................................57

Session 4. Cherishing Each Other as We Travel ...................................................69

Session 5. Gifting the Relationship on the Journey ..............................................81

Session 6. Approaching the Destination ................................................................93

Preparations for Celebrating the Passage (optional) ..............................................105

Celebrating the Passage (optional) ...........................................................................109

Appendixes ................................................................................................................119

A. Sources B. One-Hour Outline C. About the Authors

Introduction ! 9

INTRODUCTION by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt

Congratulations on choosing to teach A New Way to Love, an educational program we

developed for Christian couples. This program helps couples:

♥ Learn a new way to talk and a new way to listen.

♥ Co-create a relationship vision.

♥ Acquire the skills to manifest this vision.

♥ Discover the uniqueness of one’s spouse.

♥ Uncover the opportunities for emotional healing and spiritual growth.

Imago 101

As noted earlier, this program is based our book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for

Couples, which sold over two million copies and lifts up the philosophy behind Imago therapy.

Since its first publication in 1988, over two thousand therapists in thirty countries have trained

in Imago theory and practice, and more than sixty thousand couples have benefited firsthand

from workshops. We believe this embrace is evidence that the Holy Spirit is in this work.

Couples in all cultures are finding their marriages transformed when they develop the skills to

He who desires to see the living God face-to-face should not seek him in the empty firmament of his mind, but in human love.

~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Photo © Arthur Cohen


follow the second Great Commandment: to love our spouse—our closest neighbor—as our

self.

Imago theory presents an approach that builds on previous efforts to create a relational theory

integrating various psychological, behavioral, philosophical, and spiritual disciplines. A New

Way to Love is the first educational program built on Imago principles developed specifically

for Christian couples. Some of the main concepts presented in this program include:

1. Making the space between sacred. Imago theory is guided by the relational

paradigm, which embraces two separate and unique individuals while elevating

the sacred space between spouses. This sacred space becomes the focal

point. Partners learn to ask, “What does our relationship need?” rather than,

“What do I need from our relationship?” and nurture this space in a way that

develops and sustains a trusting and intimate connection. When this happens,

we believe that the Spirit of God takes residence in the relationship.

2. Uncovering the purpose of attraction. The power of attraction between intimate

partners is rooted in our past. The main purpose of romance is to unite us with

someone who is perfectly suited to help advance our spiritual journey toward

wholeness.

3. Fulfilling the purpose of conflict. Conflict is growth trying to happen. By learning

a new way of talking called Imago Dialogue, couples make sense of their

conflict and stretch into new behaviors that invite growth and healing.

Why Use the Imago Relationship Process in Churches?

We feel that it is important for couples to experience this curriculum within their church for

several reasons.

1. We believe that God is Love and that wherever people express love, God is

incarnated again on earth. Marriage thus is an unexplored resource for God’s

action in the world.

Introduction ! 11

2. Studies indicate that stress caused by divorce and child abuse is a primary

contributor to mental and physical illness, on the personal level, and poverty

and violence in all its forms and consequences, on the social level. We believe,

therefore, that preparing people for and strengthening their marriage can

greatly reduce the number of broken and needy people.

3. Furthermore, we believe that when people begin to understand the source of

their own hurts and overcome their blocked ability to give and receive love, by

experiencing deep and lasting healing, they may begin to create new ministries

that respond to pain, conflict, and neediness in the world. A Christ-centered

and joyful marriage thus can become not only a source of spiritual growth but

also the fulcrum for social transformation.

By learning to live in connection, we participate in the healing work of God. A couple’s healing

affects both people individually, the rest of their family, the community, and ultimately the

planet. Marriage is indeed a spiritual path and a lifelong adventure of ever-deeper healing and

intimacy. Thank you for your contribution to this vision, and we wish you well on this sacred

journey.

Blessings and peace,

&

Getting Started ! 13

Getting Started


IMPORTANT!

It is important to be clear in all advertising and throughout the program that:

♥ this is an educational course; and

♥ you are a Facilitator, not a Counselor.

This will help set up the couples’ expectations. The program is for enrichment purposes. It

is not for couples who are considering a divorce or are experiencing extreme difficulties.

Getting Started

Before facilitating a program, we encourage you to take the following steps in your

preparation.

Step 1: Be Familiar with the Work

Personally understanding and experiencing this program will enable you to become a

successful Facilitator who can guide and inspire couples. It will also help you respond to

questions that couples may ask during the program. Therefore, we encourage you to be

thorough in your preparation and to actively and intentionally engage in the process described

in this program.

In order to prepare fully to facilitate the program, we encourage you to:

1. Complete the A New Way to Love program either with your spouse privately or

in a group setting. If you are working with your spouse privately, follow the

guidelines in the Participant’s Manual, including all Getting the Love You Want

readings and DVD viewings. If you are not in a relationship, ask a colleague or

friend to work with you, using a past relationship for areas pertaining to a

“present relationship.”


2. Thoroughly read this Facilitator’s Guide. This guide will give you step-by-step

instructions for facilitating the program. To correspond with the Participant’s

Manual for Group Study, this guide is divided into six 1½-hour sessions (with

optional introduction and celebratory sessions). Each session includes

watching a DVD presentation, leading topic discussions (“Group Discovery”),

sharing observations and experiences, and practicing a skill. Please make

notes as you study the materials.

3. Deepen your understanding of the Imago process with other resources such as

these:

♥ Attend a “Getting the Love You Want” workshop for couples.

♥ Explore the resources that are available on the website

www.newwaytolove.com.

As a Facilitator, you help each group member, including yourself, to develop and grow toward

his or her highest level of spiritual potential within marriage, using the information and

processes presented in the program. You are on the same spiritual path as the other group

members. The more strongly you feel that you are on the same spiritual path, the better the

program will go.

The Sessions

This guide is divided into six 1½-hour sessions (preferred), with optional introductory and

celebratory sessions. Most sessions are divided into seven parts:

1. Opening Prayer

2. Introduction

3. DVD Presentation

4. Group Discovery

5. Practice (written or interactive)

6. Assignment Review

7. Closing Prayer


Opening and Closing Prayer

You may open and close each session with the prayer provided, or use another

prayer from your faith tradition.

Introduction

♥ Review: A brief review of the previous session’s work.

♥ Group and Personal Sharing: Sharing of the previous session’s experiences.

♥ Session Objectives: A brief summary of this session’s goals.

DVD Presentation

A “Listening Guide” question is highlighted to present to couples before the DVD

viewing. This helps couples pay close attention to certain aspects of the DVD and

prepare for group discussion. You and the participants will then watch the DVD

session.

Group Discovery

In Group Discovery you will find a list of topics and questions to pick from and to

help guide group discussion. The list includes:

1. Topics pertaining to the DVD presentation and/or demonstration

including direct quotes.

2. Scripture resources.

As you read the Facilitator’s Guide, highlight questions and quotes you want to

address in the Group Discovery process. Add or replace prayers from your specific

faith tradition. The main purpose of this section is to encourage discussion on the

topic and invite personal sharing, not to answer questions.

Practice

Most sessions include some practice and/or written preparation for participants.

Between-Sessions Assignment

At the end of each session in the Participant’s Manual, you will find a summary

page that highlights the work participants are asked to complete before the next


session. Spend a few minutes reviewing the work to be completed. Between-

sessions assignments (reading, writing, practice, prayer) will take 1 to 1½ hours.

Step 2: Logistical Preparation

Once you are comfortable with the material, you can then prepare the logistics.

Location: You may want to teach A New Way to Love in either of two places:

1. In a church. The benefits of holding the program in your church are being able

to have a class of couples with similar religious beliefs and having the support

of the church for marketing the course and recruiting couples.

2. In your own home. Holding the sessions in your home allows for greater

flexibility as well as a more informal atmosphere. We encourage you to invite

couples you know, thus creating an intimate group of couples with a common

purpose.

Pastoral Leadership: If you are planning to facilitate this program in a church, make an

appointment with the pastor, minister, or director of education to discuss the program. We

recommend you follow up with a face-to-face meeting where you present supporting material

and discuss how this program helps strengthen relationships. If the program is accepted, you

can review the Logistical Checklist (page 23) together to prepare for logistics. You should also

discuss referrals for couples who may experience a need for deeper counseling.

Number of Sessions: This program is divided into six sessions. However, the program can

also include:

♥ A general orientation session prior to the start of the program. This is a one-

hour informational session to generate interest and introduce potential

participants to the program. More information on this can be found on pages

25-32.

♥ A celebratory session after Session 6. As the program progresses, couples

often want to celebrate a renewal of their relationship either through a formal

recommitment ceremony or an informal celebration. You may want this option


to be determined by the couples as they progress through the program. Some

ideas are presented on pages 106–107.

♥ A celebration in a church service acknowledging couples who completed the

program. See pages 117-118 for a suggested outline.

Length of the Sessions: This manual guides you through one-and-a-half-hour sessions,

the optimal length. However, a suggested outline for a one-hour format can be found in the

Appendix to accommodate Sunday school educational classes or other similar time frames.

(Group Discovery and Practice will be limited in the one-hour time frame.)

Dates and Times: Determine the specific dates and times of the program. How often the

group meets depends on the audience. Although we encourage once a week, others have had

success with bimonthly or monthly groups.

Cost: You are free to determine, in consultation with the sponsoring organization, the fee for

the cost of the program, including a fee for yourself, if you wish. Many churches have charged

only the cost of the materials as a service to the couples; others have charged only a nominal

fee to help cover expenses.

Group Limit: Determine the group limit before advertising. If you plan to offer the program in

your home, we recommend three to five couples. This Facilitator’s Guide is geared toward

these smaller groups. If you plan to offer it in a church, the group can be any size. If facilitating

larger groups, consider the following modifications:

♥ Dividing into smaller groups: For group sharing, break into smaller groups of

three couples. Couples who are in smaller groups are more apt to share their

experiences.

♥ Discussions: The groups will need access to the Group Discovery questions.

You might want to use overheads, a PowerPoint presentation, or a flip chart.

♥ Large group feedback: After every small-group discussion, the group can come

back together as a larger group and share what they’ve learned.


Audience: You should know your audience ahead of time in order to accommodate special

needs. For example, you may want to arrange child care during the program sessions for

couples with young children.

Refreshments: Determine what refreshments, if any, you want to provide to the participants.

Some facilitators have asked couples to take turns bringing a snack for the group.

Advertising: On the website www.newwaytolove.com, you will find downloads to use in your

advertising.

Step 3: Preparing the Sessions Once the logistics are in place, prepare the sessions from the guidelines in this manual.

Order Participant Materials for Group Study: Once you determine the number of

couples participating, order the Participant Manuals for Group Study (one manual per person)

by visiting the website www.newwaytolove.com. (Note: Be sure to order the Group Study

manuals and not the Participant Set.) Allow ten business days for delivery. (Expedited

shipping is available at an additional charge.) We also recommend including the book Getting

the Love You Want (one per couple) as part of the participant materials. The book readings

listed in the Participant Manual pertain to the 25th Anniversary Edition by Holt Paperbacks

(December 2007).

Name Tags: Obtain name tags for every person for each session. (Participants can fill out

their own name tags.)

Resource Table: More than likely, after the course is finished, you will find that many

couples will want a support system in place in order to continue integrating new behaviors into

the relationship. In the Participant Manual’s Appendix we list follow-up resources for couples,

including starting their own support group, becoming Facilitators, or participating in a couples’

workshop. It is important for you as a Facilitator to be familiar with the options and have the

information readily available. Additional resources you may want to gather include:


" Sample books, such as Couples Companion and Receiving Love.

" A listing of local certified Imago therapists and educators.

" A listing of local “Getting the Love You Want” and “Keeping the Love You Find”

workshops in your area.

Visit the website www.newwaytolove.com for further information.

DVD: Each session requires showing a DVD presentation. You will need the appropriate

equipment (TV and DVD player or computer with screen and LCD projector). Make sure the

DVD is ready before each session so that you can begin effortlessly.

CD Player: As couples practice the skills and write in their manuals, you may want to provide

soothing background music. If you choose to provide background music, you will also need a

CD player.

Visuals: You may want to use a flip chart, whiteboard, or blackboard for discussion notes.

Setup: We recommend putting the group into a circle (with or without a table) for visual

contact, ease of participation, and intimacy. (Couples may need to move their chairs around a

bit while watching the DVD.) Ideally, there will be space in the room, such as small tables or

pairs of chairs, for couples to practice some of the processes privately.

Bible: The program material uses various Bible translations. You may want to have on hand

the Bible you use most often.


Tips for Facilitating the Program

♥ Arrive at least twenty minutes before class begins.

♥ Start each class on time. Starting on time affirms the participants who are

present for their punctuality. If you wait for those who are late, participants learn

that they don’t have to be on time because the class will probably start late.

♥ Mirror at every opportunity. Mirror in every session, even at the beginning of the

first session before the class has learned this process. For example, whenever

anyone asks a question or shares a comment, the one who will answer the

question mirrors back to the person their question or comment, asking, “Did I

get you?” Allow the person being mirrored to confirm that you got it, or to clarify

if you did not, before you respond to the question or move on to the next

person’s comment.

♥ Use personal vignettes from your life story throughout the program to keep the

level of sharing high and to provide a sense of “walking the talk.”

♥ Use only the exercises outlined in the guide. If you have had previous

experience with the Imago Relationship Therapy through taking a workshop or

being in therapy with an Imago counselor, you may be tempted to add

exercises that you learned in your previous study. Resist this temptation so that

you remain in the role of a Facilitator, not a counselor. However, be prepared to

direct couples to additional resources if needed; become familiar with

resources in your area.

♥ Allow group members to participate at their own comfort level. Some

participants will openly share their experiences and thoughts; others may

hesitate.

♥ Focus on experiences, not questions. Invite couples to report their experiences

and thoughts rather than ask questions. However, questions will arise. Be

familiar with the common questions and answers in each session (some of

which appear at the end of each session in the Participant Manual.) If a

question arises that you cannot answer, be willing to say, “I don’t know.”


Remind couples that this program is about group discovery and sharing

experiences and that you are traveling the same path.

♥ Be ready to gently guide the discussion. If you find that one person or couple

dominates the time, be prepared to gently guide the discussion toward other

people and to move onto the next session “in the interest of time.”

♥ Validate (and expect) conflicting experiences and opinions. If disagreement

arises with the theory or practice, validate the experience and encourage

couples to “consider the possibility.”

♥ Allow extra time at the end of the session, if possible, for couples who want to

remain and continue with the written work (between-sessions assignments).


Logistical Checklist (You may want to make copies of this for future programs.)

Name of Church: ____________________________________________________

Contact: ____________________________________________________________

Introductory Session: ____ Yes ____ No

If yes, date and time_______________________________

Dates:

Session 1: ______________________ Session 2: _________________________

Session 3: ______________________ Session 4: _________________________

Session 5: ______________________ Session 6: _________________________

Time: ______ to ________

Celebratory Session (after Session 6):

____ Yes ____ No ____ To be determined with couples after start of program

If yes, date and time: ___________________________________

Church Service acknowledging couples who have completed the program

(after Session 6/Celebratory Session):

_____ Yes _____ No ____

If yes, date and time: ___________________________________

Cost per Couple: __________

Group Limit: ____________

Child Care: ____ Yes ____ No


ADVERTISING*

__ Flyers

__ Church bulletins / ads

__ Posters

__ Postcard invitations

__ Announcements during

Sunday service

PARTICIPANT MATERIALS

__ Pencils

__ A New Way to Love Participant

Manual for Group Study **

(1 manual per participant)

__ Optional: Getting the Love You Want book (one per couple) **

__ Name tags (for each session)

AUDIOVISUAL NEEDS

__ DVD player and TV screen

__ CD Player

__ LCD projector, computer,

screen

ADDITIONAL (optional) __ Tissues

__ Water or refreshments

__ Additional Imago resources

OTHER __ __________________________

__ __________________________

__ __________________________

__ __________________________

* Some files are available for download on www.newwaytolove.com ** Order ten business days in advance

Introductory Session (Optional) ! 25

Introductory Session (Optional)

Holding a one-hour introductory session for potential couples is an excellent way to introduce

couples to the program before they commit to the six sessions. It is also a way for you to clearly

indicate that this is educational and not for couples who are experiencing difficulties in their

relationship. Here are a few pointers for a successful introductory session:

♥ Ask the pastor or minister to announce the program and information session

during Sunday services.

♥ Have the pastor, minister, or director of adult education present at the session,

introducing you and the program.

♥ Do not charge a fee.

♥ Keep the introduction short (one hour), but be available after the session for

additional questions (fifteen minutes or more).

♥ Offer light refreshments.

♥ Display registration forms, brochures, and flyers as well as sample Participant

Manuals and Getting the Love You Want books.

♥ Hold the introductory session close enough to the first date of the program so

people don’t forget, but far enough in advance to allow people to arrange their

schedules and give you time to order and receive materials (approximately two-

three weeks).

♥ Try to get an indication of how many couples are interested in order to prepare

accordingly, perhaps by offering an incentive to register that day (for example, a

discount).


Checklist

# DVD player and TV or LCD projector, computer and screen

# Registration forms

# Sample Participant Manuals and Getting the Love You Want books

# Additional brochures and flyers on the program

# Refreshments (optional)

Welcome

Begin by welcoming participants to an introduction for the A New Way to Love program. We

suggest giving the following information:

INTRODUCTION OUTLINE

0:00�0:15 Introduction " Welcome " Program Goals " What to Expect

0:15�0:20 About Imago 0:20�0:30 DVD Presentation: �Introduction� 0:30�0:40 Why Take This Program? 0:40�0:55 Q&A 0:55�1:00 Closing

Be available after the program for additional questions.

Introduction (15 minutes)


♥ Your name.

♥ Your personal experience with A New Way to Love.

♥ A clear indication that this is an educational course and not therapeutic. Be clear

that this program is for couples who are in a good relationship and want to

protect and strengthen the relationship. It is not for couples who are considering

a divorce or are experiencing difficulties.

Program Goals

♥ Learn a new way to talk and a new way to listen.

♥ Co-create a relationship vision.

♥ Acquire the skills to manifest this vision.

♥ Discover your spouse’s uniqueness.

♥ Uncover the opportunities for emotional healing and spiritual growth.

What to Expect

In Class:

♥ Acknowledge God’s blessing through opening and closing prayers.

♥ Watch a ten-to-fifteen-minute DVD presentation.

♥ Participate in group discussions.

♥ Practice a new skill.

♥ Share your experience with other couples at your comfort level.


At Home:

Each couple will receive a Participant Manual (and the Getting the Love You Want book, if

applicable). The manual includes written exercises and daily practices for between-sessions

work. Expect about one to one and a half hours of between-session assignments plus

optional reading from Getting the Love You Want. Each session builds upon the previous

session(s), so it’s important to commit to attending the sessions and the assignments.

We realize that this is a serious commitment for busy people. But mature love is born in

relationships as a result of sustained commitment—a commitment to God and to our

spouse. The measure of strength in your marriage is related to the measure of the

willingness of both you and your spouse to be involved, to become participants, to learn

about yourself and your spouse, and to risk change.

Introduce some background information on Imago. Try to use personal vignettes to emphasize

the main points.

A New Way to Love is an educational program developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly

Hunt. Based on the principles described in the bestselling book Getting the Love You Want: A

Guide for Couples, which has sold over two million copies, it is the first Imago educational

program developed specifically for Christian couples. Three of the main concepts you will learn

in this program are:

1. Making the space between sacred. In a marriage, there are three entities: two

separate and unique individuals (you and your spouse) and a third entity, the

between. This between is the space between you and your spouse. To make

this between sacred space, we need to fill it with behaviors that enhance and

sustain connection, allowing love to deepen and God to dwell therein.

2. Uncovering the purpose of attraction. Some wonderful forces contribute to

romantic attraction. The main purpose of romance is to unite us with someone

About Imago (5 minutes)


who is perfectly matched to help us begin or advance our spiritual journey toward

wholeness and healing.

3. Fulfilling the purpose of conflict. Everyone experiences conflict in their

relationship. What most people do not know is that conflict is growth trying to

happen. In this program, you will learn how conflict can teach us to stretch safely

beyond our comfort zones in the service of the self, of the spouse, and of the

marriage.

Play the “Introduction” from the DVD.

Running Time: 6:40 minutes.

We encourage you to take this couples’ program for three main reasons:

1. To protect your marriage: You should all be familiar with the 50-50 odds of

staying married. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard. Taking this

program helps protect and strengthen your marriage. It is the most important

investment you can make in your relationship—for you, for your family, and for

your community.

2. To discover how your marriage provides an opportunity for spiritual growth and

healing: Ultimately, marriage is an invitation for you to discover and nourish the

inherent spiritual impulse that is embedded in your relationship.

DVD Presentation: Introduction(10 minutes)

Why Take This Program? (10 minutes)


3. To experience God: “Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love”

(1 John 4:8 NRSV). Learning to give and receive love is the path to experiencing

God.

Taking this program does not mean something is wrong with your marriage. It means you care

enough to nurture and strengthen your relationship and to grow together in faith. When we

make our marriage a priority, we participate in the healing work of God. It is ultimately learning

the second Great Commandment to love our spouse—our closest neighbor—as our self.

Invite questions from the group about the program and/or use some of the commonly asked

questions below:

♥ Will I have to share personally? The class exercises will be mostly about learning

the skills, understanding the concepts, and sharing experiences and

observations. Being able to talk about how you are applying the principles you

learn requires a certain amount of risk but invites support and learning from each

other. We encourage couples to share in the group, but not beyond your comfort

level. We will not ask you to reveal anything personal you do not wish to share

with the group. Again, this is not a therapeutic environment but an educational

learning process.

♥ How is this different from Imago workshops?

1. This is an educational program designed for group settings, centered on

DVD presentations, discussion questions, and practice. The Imago

workshops are led by trained therapists, include full lectures and live

demonstrations, and cover in-depth material.

2. This program is specifically designed for Christian couples to strengthen

and protect their marriage.

♥ How much homework is involved? The deeper and more personal work occurs

between you and your spouse between sessions at home. Assignments include

Q&A (15 minutes)


reading, written work, practice, and prayer. For most sessions, we suggest you

spend about one to one and a half hours on the between-sessions assignments.

Additionally, there are suggested readings from the book Getting the Love You

Want. To deepen your understanding of your marriage, we encourage you to

purchase this book (if you are not providing this as part of the participant’s

package) and read accordingly.

♥ Will we need to attend every session? Every session builds upon the previous

and includes DVD viewings, so it is important to commit to the entire program. As

a participant, you are also committing to be present as encouragers and

supporters for others in the group. If a couple drops out, it affects everyone in the

group. However, we also realize that unexpected events can occur. Therefore,

try to attend every session of this program TOGETHER. If one of you cannot

attend, the other may attend alone, review the materials with your partner, and

complete the assignment before the next session. If both of you should miss a

session, we encourage you to complete the missed assignments before returning

for the following session.

♥ We are not yet married. Is this course appropriate for us? Absolutely! This

program is geared for couples in all stages of their relationship and can help

couples build a strong foundation for their future together.


Before ending the introductory session, be sure to:

♥ Announce the dates and times of the program.

♥ Indicate group limit, if applicable.

♥ Hand out registration forms (and indicate any incentive to sign up today).

♥ Be available privately for any additional questions or comments for at least fifteen

minutes.

Closing (5 minutes)

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