Intimacy

Prepared By Manu Melwin JoyResearch Scholar

School of Management StudiesCUSAT, Kerala, India.Phone – 9744551114

Mail – manu_melwinjoy@yahoo.com

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Intimacy• In intimacy, there are no

secret messages. • The social level and

psychological levels are congruent.

• This is an important difference between intimacy and games.

Intimacy

• Intimacy means open sharing of feelings and wants between you and another person.

• It is expressing the natural child feeling of warmth, tenderness and closeness to others.

• Many people suffer from an inability to express such closeness.

“…Americans need so many more therapist than the rest of the world need because they just don’t know how to be intimate – that they have no intimate friendships, by comparison with the Europeans and that, therefore, they really have no deep friends to unburden themselves.”

Abraham Maslow

Intimacy• In intimacy, feelings

expressed are appropriate to finish the situation.

• By contrast, feelings experienced at the end of a game do nothing to resolve the situation of the players.

• This is why games are played over and over again.

Intimacy• Berne’s choice of the

word intimacy should be understood as a specialized technical usage.

• Intimacy in time structuring may or may not have much to do with intimacy in the usual dictionary sense.

Intimacy• When people are being

sexually or personally intimate, they may perhaps also be sharing their feelings and wants openly with each other.

• In that case, they are structuring their time in intimacy.

• But, it is common also for intense emotional relationships to be founded mainly in game playing.

Intimacy• Games are sometimes used

as substitute for intimacy. • They involve a similar

intensity of stroking but without the same degree of perceived risk.

• In a game, each person shifts the responsibility for the outcome to the other.

• In intimacy, each accepts his own responsibility.

Intimacy“Intimacy is a candid Child to Child relationship with no games and no mutual exploitation. It is set up by the Adult ego states of the parties concerned, so that they understand very well their contracts and commitments with each other. “

Eric Berne

Intimacy• To relate in intimacy, we

first need to establish the relationship with our full adult powers of thinking, behaving and feeling.

• Within this protective framework, we can go back into child if we want to, sharing and satisfying some of the unmet needs we carry from our early years.

Intimacy• Intimacy entails mutual

caring and protection from parent.

• The message from this ego state is : “ I won’t discount you and I won’t allow you to discount me.”

• Stroking in intimacy is more intense that in any other form of time structuring.

Intimacy• Since intimacy is not pre

programmed, it is the most unpredictable of all the ways of time structuring.

• Thus from child, intimacy is perceived as the most risky way to relate to another person.

Intimacy

• Autonomous people risk friendships and intimacy when they decide it is appropriate.

• This does not come easy to people who have restricted their affectionate feelings and are not in the habit of expressing them.

• In fact, they may feel awkward, even phony, when they first try to go against old programming.

Intimacy

• In the process of developing the capacity for intimacy, a person becomes more open – learns to let go, becomes more self revealing by dropping some of the masks – but always with the awareness of the Adult.

Intimacy

• Autonomous people are concerned with being.

• They allow their own capacities to unfold and encourage others to do the same.

• They are not concerned with getting more, but with being more.

Thank You

Other TA topics available on slideshare1. Strokes - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/strokes-24081607.

2. Games People Play - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/psychological-games-people-play.

3. Structural Analysis - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/the-ego-state-model.4. What is TA? - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/what-ta-is5. Cycles of Development -

http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/cycles-of-developement-pamela-levin-transactional-analysis.

6. Stages of Cure - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/stages-of-cure.7. Transactions - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/transactions-33677298.8. Time Structuring - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/time-structuring.9. Life Position - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/life-position.10. Autonomy - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/autonomy-33690557. 11. Structural Pathology - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/structural-pathology.12. Game Analysis - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/game-analysis-33725636.13. Integrated Adult - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/integrated-adult.14. Stroke Economy - http://www.slideshare.net/manumjoy/stroke-economy-33826702.