Ashlee Johnson Mass Communication Skills Spring 2011

An Age Old Question

Frances “Lorraine” Fredericksen enjoys dancing, Rockies baseball games, reading, and

spending time with her family. Lorraine has worked several different jobs, putting time in at K-

Mart, hotels, and other odds-and-ends jobs throughout her life before she retired. Lorraine owns

a quaint but very comfortable town house in Arvada. Nothing too shocking, right? Well, you

might change your mind when you learn that Lorraine will turn 91 years old on November 17

later this year. That’s right; this tap-dancing, Rockies-loving, great-grandmother of 10,

grandmother of 4, mother of 3, and wife of 2 (not simultaneously, and both husbands deceased)

has lived to see Pearl Harbor, World War II, the Vietnam War, and both Gulf Wars. Although

Lorraine has experienced, and can remember, more pivotal historical moments than most

Americans today, she faces an upcoming life decision that may lead to disrespect, loneliness,

isolation, and possibly even neglect/abuse. That’s because Lorraine’s immediate family members

have finally come to the consensus that she can no longer live on her own, and must decide

whether they will take her in to one of their own homes to live, or place her in an assisted living

facility.

This is the general problem that is now starting to confront the countless adult children

whose parents are a part of the Baby Boomer generation, those babies that were born just after

World War II ended. Lorraine was already well into her twenties by the time America witnessed

V-J Day, so time has been on her side, more so than many of those who already face this issue at

a younger age. However, these days she is visibly slower and more frail than ever. Her eldest

son, Thomas Fredericksen Jr., worries relentlessly about his aging mother, “She has already

fallen a couple of times in her house, her knee constantly bothers her, and it takes her several

minutes just to climb the stairs these days. My wife and I check on her weekly, but we worry that

sometimes even that is not enough. If Mom had someone living with or looking after her all the

time, I would surely rest a lot easier.”

However, despite his concerns, Tom’s wife Sandy and daughter Cindy are skeptical of

just sticking her in a stale nursing home. Cindy explains, “My grandma has lived quite a life. To

think that it could possibly end in such a sterile, hospital-like environment, with none of her

family or cherished belongings around, is just heartbreaking. But, we’re not sure what the

alternative is, either. So it’s really difficult.” According to U.S. Centers for Disease Control and

Prevention surveys from 2004, there are approximately 1.5 million residents in nursing homes,

and their average stay is around 835 days (www.cdc.gov). With the busy, nonstop lifestyles and

careers of the 21st century, plus children of their own to take care of, this middle-aged generation

is struggling to balance taking care of their children and their parents simultaneously. Tom and

Sandy are retired, and Cindy works from home, which might sound ideal for taking Lorraine in,

but they all still find it hard to imagine taking care of her 24/7.

Lorraine’s fiery spirit was quick to deny that she was beginning to need assistance around

her house. “I already had my license taken away,” she says with a roll of the eyes, “and now they

want to take away the few freedoms I have left here in my own cozy little home? It just doesn’t

seem fair.” One might immediately jump on Lorraine’s side of the fence, until they see her 80-

pound body struggle to stand up without wobbling. Or when they watch her bony hands fumble

with her keys, slowly trying to unlock her front door. Sandy confesses how much patience it

takes to go anywhere with Lorraine when she says, “Tom and I take all of Thursday to run her

errands with her, visit family, things like that. It really does take all day, and we are exhausted

and frustrated every Thursday night. But, what else are we gonna do? No one else has the time or

cares enough to step up yet,” which, in all likelihood, is a jab at Tom’s two younger brothers

who don’t seem to care one way or another who takes care of their mom, as long as it’s not them.

Unfortunately, this is not a unique situation in today’s society. So, what does the future

hold for this family facing the ever-growing trend of aging parents in America? They’re not even

sure themselves. “We said we’d give her until this summer, when we all have more time to think

about it, and then we’ll figure it out,” Tom explains. “But with Mom, who knows…she’ll

definitely put up a fight, that’s for sure…” he trails off with a sigh. However, Lorraine admits

she might be more open to the idea of assisted living sometime in the future. “We’ll see,” she

agrees with her son, “as long as I have a TV where I can watch my Rockies games and [reality

show] Dancing with the Stars, then maybe I’ll consider it,” she ends with a weak chuckle. It

seems like only time will tell in this situation, and we can all be sure that we will only continue

to see these issues affect more and more families as the Baby Boomers (and beyond!) celebrate

birthday after birthday and pose an age old question.