interpersonal topics emotion. i. emotion characteristics a. physiological changes. – 1....
TRANSCRIPT
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Interpersonal Topics Emotion
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I. Emotion Characteristics• A. Physiological changes.
–1. Proprioceptive stimuli
• B. Nonverbal reactions.• C. Cognitive interpretations.• D. Types• E. Intensity
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II. Influences on emotional expression
• A. Culture & Social Conventions• B. Inability to recognize emotions• C. Fear of self-disclosure• D. Power• E. Emotional Contagion
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III. Expressing Emotions
• A. Recognize your feelings• B. Choose the best language
–1. Through single words–2. Describe what is happening to
you–3. Describing what you’d like to do
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C. Shared mixed emotions
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• D. Recognize the difference between feeling and acting
• E. Choose the best time to express your feelings
• F. Express your feelings clearly
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IV. Managing difficult emotions
• A. Facilitative–Contribute to effective functioning–Balanced amount of emotion–Balanced duration of the emotion
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• B. Debilitative-Keep us from feeling and relating
effectively–Unhealthy extremes of intensity
(splitting)–Extreme duration–Caused by irrational thinking
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• C. Debilitative emotions caused by irrational thinking a.k.a. Fallacies of. . .–1. Perfection–2. Approval–3. Shoulds / Oughts–4. Overgeneralization
• a. base a belief on limited evidence• b. exaggerate shortcomings
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• 5. Helplessness• 6. Catastrophic expectations• 7. Causation
– a. Thinking our behavior causes emotions in others prevents us from honesty
– b. Thinking that others’ behavior causes our emotions.
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Stimulus (gap) Response
Event (thoughts) Emotions(person, words, circumstances)
How it works. . .
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• Vicktor Frankl “Nobody can take away my freedom to choose how things will affect me. We have the power to choose our response.”
• Eleanor Roosevelt “No one can hurt you without your consent”
• Gandhi “They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it them”
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From Blaise Pascal, Physicist
• “God has created a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person that only God fills through his son Jesus Christ.”
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Managing Emotions
Event, Circumstance, Words, Person, etc
My thoughts about it / them
An emotion that fits the thoughts An emotion that fits the thoughts An emotion that fits the thoughts
Express if:1. I need to for my health2. Someone else needs to know it3. Someone cares about me4. Failure to express it will have worse results than expressing it would
Express if:1. I need to for my health2. Someone else needs to know it3. Someone cares about me4. Failure to express it will have worse results than expressing it would
Express if:1. I need to for my health2. Someone else needs to know it3. Someone cares about me4. Failure to express it will have worse results than expressing it would
The part I do control & can challenge & Correct. Thoughts caused by:Family of origin influences, rational Thoughts or irrational thinking fallacies,My self-concept, my core beliefs & values,Attitudes, & worldview.
I will control whatI can, but I can’t Control all circumstancesAnd I can’t control others(although I will try to positively influence by my ownReactions, and even loving, direct challenges to theirOwn thinking. But I cannot con them & they areUltimately responsible for their own happiness & reactions just as I am for my own ).
Martinson 2003
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Counterfeit feeling expressions
• I feel that you are angry at me• Why are being so mean to me?• You make me furious• I feel you are acting hateful to me
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Consequences of unexpressed emotion
What happens when we don’t express our
emotions?
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When we fail to express emotions accurately, it leads to
A. Inauthentic (shadow) relationships
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When we fail to express emotions accurately, it leads to
B. Misunderstood perceptionsC. Unresolved issues / lack of catharsisD. Hindrance for others
– Lack of truth– Lack of fullness– Living with incompleteness (knowing or not)– Denying growth / possible repeating mistakes
E. Leaking or exploding of emotions through other means
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Which ones do we express / withhold?
-Ephesians 4:15 “Speaking the truth in Love”-Balancing truth & love-Aristotle’s Golden Mean
Not a middle-of-the-Road, but a maximizing of both
-Rich’s expression: Mean what you say, say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.
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Emotion Exercise!
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I. Poor listening behaviors• 1. Pseudo-listening• 2. Stage-hogging• 3. Selective listening• 4. Insulated listening• 5. Defensive listening• 6. Ambushing• 7. Insensitive listening
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II. Reasons we don’t listen
• 1. Message overload
• 2. Preoccupation• 3. Rapid thought• 4. Effort• 5. External noise
• 6. Hearing problems• 7. Faulty
assumptions• 8. Lack of apparent
advantages• 9. Lack of training
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III. Tips for informational listening!
• 1. Talk less.• 2. Get rid of distractions• 3. Don’t judge prematurely• 4. Look for key ideas• 5. Ask questions• 6. Paraphrase (but not parrott)
– Restate what you thought they meant, request clarification.
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Interpersonal Topics
Listening
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I. Poor listening behaviors• 1. Pseudo-listening• 2. Stage-hogging• 3. Selective or insulated
listening• 4. Defensive listening• 5. Ambushing• 6. Insensitive listening
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II. Reasons we don’t listen
• 1. Message overload
• 2. Preoccupation• 3. Rapid thought• 4. Effort• 5. External noise
• 6. Hearing problems• 7. Faulty
assumptions• 8. Lack of apparent
advantages• 9. Lack of training
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III. Tips for informational listening!
• 1. Talk less.• 2. Get rid of distractions• 3. Don’t judge prematurely• 4. Look for key ideas• 5. Ask questions• 6. Paraphrase (but not parrott)
– Restate what you thought they meant, request clarification.
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Listening Exercise!
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Interpersonal Topics
Conflict Management
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I. Stages of Conflict• A. Latent conflict• B. Perceived conflict• C. Felt conflict• D. Manifest conflict• E. Conflict aftermath
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II. Personal Conflict Styles
A. Nonassertion–Avoidance–Accommodation
B. Direct AggressionC. Passive Aggression (discussed
in Week #2)
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II. Personal Conflict Styles (continued)
D. Indirect CommunicationE. Assertion
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V. Methods of Conflict Management
• A. Win-lose (competition)• B. Lose-Win
(accommodation)• C. Lose-lose (sabbotage)• D. Compromise• E. Win-win (collaboration)
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Win-Win steps. . .• 1) Identify problem & needs for yourself• 2) Find an appropriate time to talk• 3) Describe the problem & needs to the
other• 4) Listen to the other’s point of view• 5) Negotiate a win-win that attempts to
meet needs (not wants) of both. Selfishness kills any hope for win-win.
• 6) Follow up on the solution
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Win-win exercise