Interpersonal Communication

(a presentation by Sally A. Bishai, Ph.D.)

What ARE Interpersonal Relationships, Anyway?

2+ peeps Dyadic

Interdependent Consistent Over time

Importance of IR: 3 Needs (Schutz, 1976)

Inclusion & involvement

Affection & tenderness

Control & influencing stuff

Two Types of Interpersonal Relationships

Complementary Math + English=The Perfect Person (?!)

Symmetrical Math gurus all!

Self-Disclosure + Uncle Johari

I. Open (you and me) II. Blind (I am) III. Hidden (skeletons in my closet?) IV. Unknown (you and me)

Why Begin a Relationship, Then?

Proximity Neighbour, co-worker

Attractiveness Wow, what a babe!

Responsiveness Yay, they like me!

Similarity We both love RPGS, goody!

Complementarity I’ll help you with your term paper if you do my algebra..!

Things are Hunky Dory…Right? Motivations for TERMINATING relationships

(boo hoo): Hurtful (and BEASTLY) messages

Deception (liar, liar, pants on fire…)

Aggressiveness (me: shoe, you: doormat)

Argumentativeness (“beyetkhani2 ma3 debban weshhoo!”)

Defensiveness (imagine a cornered beast) That would be the DENOTATIVE meaning of “beast”

Personal Idioms A “culture of two”

Unique nicknames

Unique language Come up with THREE of these that you’ve

seen, heard, and/or imagined!

Androgyny Rocks (?!)

Is when a person has (or uses) elements of the MALE and the FEMALE

Can result in the MOST SUCCESSFUL relationships (if you’re androgynous, I mean)

Intercultural Communicationanother presentation by Sally A. Bishai, Ph.D.

Activity: Culture ShockED Think of a time when you found yourself in

an unfamiliar situation, such as a new: Job Relationship Educational situation Country (long-term)

Briefly analyse that time in your life and: Identify the differences between previous

situations and the one in question; Explain what the biggest conflicts seemed to be; Briefly describe HOW the conflict was resolved

(if it was).

What is Culture, then? Is there a “culture of brunettes” ?

Do Gamers have their own culture?

Do Mothers, dog-owners, tennis-players have their own cultures?

CULTURE vs. CO-CULTURE

Goals of Co-Cultural Communication Assimilation Goal

“Hmm, what can I do to fit in with ‘them’?”

Accommodation Goal “My culture rocks, but ‘they’ have a right to

their own culture, too! We can all get along, right?”

Separation Goal “Begone, you hellish beasts! We ain’t talking

to anyone outside of our group!”

IC Problems Ethnocentrism

Mini-skirts Tents (neqab)

Cultural Relativism Saddam Hussein? Yanomamo Indians

More IC Problems (or are they?) Stereotyping

All _____s are good at ______

Prejudice Someone “just like me”

Discrimination Tomatoes, oranges, and “gourmet” food

Additional Barriers (BONUS)General General ProblemProblem

Specific Obstructions Specific Obstructions

Communication Don’t know what they’re saying at all (language)

Don’t know what they mean (jargon, regionalisms)

Offense Making a gesture that’s OK back home, but vulgar here

Making an overture (or joke) that’s “out of line” here

Failing to follow a ritual or convention of theirs

“Legality” Fear of doing something illegal (unwittingly)

Possibility of not doing something required

Isolation Fear of making mistakes (language)

Apprehension of drawing laughs (at mistakes)

Worry over offending people

Cultural Orientation (Hofstede, 1980)

Individualism–“Me” mentality–“What’s best for me”–Independence –Adults don’t generally need approval–Clarity valued–Context, back-story, details = clinginess (“TMI”) + fluff–“No dice.”

Collectivism–“We” mentality–Common good–Interdependence –You’re not an adult if you’re not married!–Ambiguity treasured–Context, back-story, details = helpful + inclusive–Exceptions, “case-by-case,” + personal appeals

Chronemics (Hall, 1959, 1983)

MonochronicMonochronic PolychronicPolychronic

““One thing at a time.”One thing at a time.”

Time is compartmentalised Time is compartmentalised

Late = badLate = bad

Work wrules!Work wrules!

““To-Do List” mentality To-Do List” mentality

Stress = not completing tasksStress = not completing tasks

““Focused”Focused”

MultitaskingMultitasking

Time is fluidTime is fluid

““I’ll get there when I get there.”I’ll get there when I get there.”

Relationships rock!Relationships rock!

ADHD mentalityADHD mentality

Stress over offending someoneStress over offending someone

““Distractible”Distractible”

Communication Context (Hall, 1976; Hofstede, 1980)

Low-ContextLow-Context High-Context High-Context

Depends on what is SAIDDepends on what is SAID

Take words at “face value,” for the words Take words at “face value,” for the words said are the only things that countsaid are the only things that count

Words trump demeanourWords trump demeanour

–Depends on a shared codeDepends on a shared code–The code often seems “arbitrary”The code often seems “arbitrary”

Work backward, however, and you Work backward, however, and you might get it!might get it!

–Nonverbals often countNonverbals often count–Seemingly-tiny details might be the keySeemingly-tiny details might be the key

–Those “not in the know” might Those “not in the know” might suspect HC communicators of:suspect HC communicators of:

Paranoia (“I’ll bet the other person Paranoia (“I’ll bet the other person didn’t even notice!”)didn’t even notice!”)

Obsession (“Give it a rest, Obsession (“Give it a rest, already!”)already!”)

Psychosis (“That doesn’t make Psychosis (“That doesn’t make sense…illogical much?!”)sense…illogical much?!”)

Directness + Indirectness

DirectDirect IndirectIndirectEmphasis = clarity and being Emphasis = clarity and being

understoodunderstood

““Taking the bull by the horns”Taking the bull by the horns”

No deduction needed, coz they No deduction needed, coz they said it!said it!

Emphasis = saving face of everyone Emphasis = saving face of everyone involvedinvolved

““Dancing around the issue”Dancing around the issue”

Can be deduced by hints in the messageCan be deduced by hints in the message

They Think WHAT?!Direct think that Indirect are:Direct think that Indirect are: Indirect think that Direct are:Indirect think that Direct are:

EvasiveEvasive

DishonestDishonest

Wishy-washyWishy-washy

IndecisiveIndecisive

Increase tension by hiding from Increase tension by hiding from the issuethe issue

InsensitiveInsensitive

TactlessTactless

BoorishBoorish

HarshHarsh

Increase tension by dealing too Increase tension by dealing too directly with the issue at handdirectly with the issue at hand