Interpersonal Attraction

• Of all the people you meet, how do you choose those few who become your friends? Or your girlfriend/boyfriend? Or who you marry?

• Interpersonal psychology is the branch of psychology that deals with friendship and romantic relationships.

First Dates

• Which of the following has the largest impact on impressions during first dates?

• Similarities of attitudes

• Personality

• Intelligence

• Physical Attractiveness True

Attractiveness• When asked what they looked for in a potential date, most college students

put "physical attractiveness" at the bottom of their list.

True

• Elaine Hatfield randomly matched incoming students at the University of Minnesota for a blind date. The students previously had been given a battery of personality tests. Intelligence, masculinity, femininity, dominance, submission, sensitivity and sincerity had little effect on liking.

True

• The one determinant of whether or not a couple liked each other and actually repeated their date was their physical attractiveness. True

• Another study, however, looked at long-term dating; it found that couples who were well-matched in terms of physical attractiveness were more deeply involved with each other after 9 months than were those who differed from each other in physical attractiveness.True

Childhood• What about childhood? Women were asked to examine reports of

severe classroom disturbances, apparently written by a teacher. A photo of the child involved was attached. In some cases, the child was physically attractive, in others less attractive. • The women tended to place more blame on the less attractive

children and to infer that this was typical of their everyday behavior. True

• When the child was pictured as physically attractive, however, the women tended to excuse the disruptive behavior. Attractive children are given the benefit of a doubt.

True

• The work of attractive individuals is evaluated higher than the same work attributed to a less attractive individual.

True

Competence

• There was a study done in which there were four experimental conditions. Rank who was liked the best.

• a person of superior ability who bungled (spilled coffee on himself) 1st

• a superior person who did not bungle 2nd

• a person of average ability who bungled 4th

• an average person who did not bungle. 3rd

While a high degree of competence does make us appear more attractive, some evidence of fallibility increases our attractiveness still further. It could be that a person who has a great deal of ability makes us feel uncomfortable - the person may seem unapproachable, distant, superhuman.

Attractive bias?Attractive individuals (v. Less attractive) are assumed to:

• be happier TRUE

• be smarter TRUE

• have better career opportunities TRUE

• socially better TRUE

• have desirable personality traits TRUE

• are given more assistance TRUE

• receive more cooperation in conflict situations TRUE

• receive better job recommendations TRUE

• receive better job recommendations from experienced personnel consultants TRUE

• receive better job recommendations from experienced personnel consultants even when personal appearance could have no conceivable relationship to actual job performance. TRUE

• receive more self-disclosure from others TRUE

School

• Maria was new on campus and wanted to start meeting other students, so she started: • sharing her homework with students who were

behind in their classes

• sitting in the middle of the class TRUE

• talking as much as possible in class

• looking for lonely people with whom to converse

Better Self-concepts

• Subjects were shown pictures of attractive or unattractive women, whom they then had phone conversations with (the pictures did not depict their actual partner). The subjects who thought they were talking with an attractive partner rated her as more poised, humorous, and socially adept than did those who thought they were talking with a less attractive woman.

TRUE

• When independent observers were allowed to listen to a tape recording of only the woman's half of the conversation (without looking at a photograph) they were far more impressed by the woman whose male partner thought she was physically attractive.

TRUE

Since the male partner thought he was talking to an attractive woman, he spoke to her in a way that brought out her best and most sparkling qualities. Thus, physically attractive people may come to think of themselves as good because they are continually treated that way.

Culture

• Mutual attraction or love is the most important desired characteristic in a potential marriage partner or spouse across all cultures.

FALSE:

Although in “Western” countries like the US this appears to be true it is still not the universal truth. In fact, in many non-western countries like China, India, Pakistan, etc., “love” is given much less importance in comparison to other characteristics such as family, education, chastity, etc. 

Classical conditioning

• According to a classical conditioning model of attraction, if you saw a funny film with someone, you would: • like the film more

• think that the person was funny

• like the person more True

• respond to the person as you normally would

Health

• According to research, what degree of correlation exists between attractiveness and health?• moderate negative

• moderate positive

• high positive

• no consistent correlation True

• Comparative psychology research suggests that in other species attractiveness may be interpreted as an indicator of good health and good genes.

True

Self-esteem

• The more insecure we feel, the more we like someone who likes us.

TRUE

• A person who feels insecure may even seek out a less-attractive person in order to diminish the possibility of being rejected.

TRUE

One study found that males with low self-esteem are attracted more to a traditional woman, and males with high self-esteem tend to be attracted more to a nontraditional (i.e. feminist) woman. Male prejudice against feminists and other nontraditional women may stem, in part, from a man's attempt to bolster his self-esteem in the face of a perceived threat. A self-assured man has no need to derogate an assertive, independent woman.

Scripts

• A series of experiments at the University of Wisconsin used actors following various scripts to find out what to say to make one college student most attractive to others.  The script that worked best involved:

1) Making it seem that other people are attracted to you. 

2) Showing that you are selective and don't merely like everyone you meet. 

3) Reciprocal liking: Tell the person you like them, 

• PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER: "Lot's of guys ask me out, and I mostly turn them down. But I'll go out with you." 

• When it comes to interpersonal attraction, which of the meanings behind the following proverbs is most supported by research?

• Opposites attract.• Birds of a feather flock together. True• Absence makes the heart grow fonder.• Out of sight, out of mind.

Similarity• People are attracted to those that they perceive to be similar. TRUE 

• The effect is very small for superficial features like clothes or race but very strong for perceived similarity of attitudes. 

TRUE

We like people who seem to agree with us because

• a) we think they're smart,

• b) we'll probably get along, and

• c) they'll probably like us too. 

• To pretend to agree with someone even when you don't really, for the purpose of getting something they can give you, like a job, is called ingratiation.  In general this works best if you pretend to agree as much as possible.

FALSE. In general this works best if you pretend to agree about 70%.  Research shows that less is not enough, and more is both suspicious and boring. 

Similarity

o The matching principle is our tendency to become involved with others who are closely matched to us in terms of physical attributes and social status

• Reasons for the similarity effect

• Social comparison: verification of attitudes and behaviors

• Predictability: We believe we can predict the behavior of similar others better than dissimilar others

• Reciprocal rewards: Greater rewards may be derived from affiliation with similar others

• Reciprocity of liking: We like those who like us back

Proximity• Research by Festinger, et al. (1950) and Sigal (1974) found that

within a housing complex for married students two factors affected friendship formation:

• The sheer distance between houses TRUE

• The direction in which the house faced TRUE

o One of the strongest predictors of who forms a relationship with another person is the distance between them

• There are several reasons for the proximity effect

• Proximity increases the likelihood of meeting someone

• You are able to get more information about people who are close to you

• You are more likely to interact with a person who is close to you, which is rewarding for us. The mere anticipation of interaction is rewarding

• The mere exposure effect: Repeated exposure to a neutral or mildly positive stimulus increases liking

Men versus Women• Researchers have found many trends regarding

preferences in romantic relationships to occur across cultures. Which of the following are True or False:• Men and women prefer a physically attractive partner.

TRUE

• Women demand more faithfulness from men than men demand from women.

False

• Men are more interested in sexual variety than women.

TRUE

• Many men will accept almost any partner for a short-term sexual relationship.

TRUE

Men versus women• Evidence suggests that women tend to be more self-disclosing (telling

another person private information about oneself) than men.

TRUE

• Women are more talkative than men.

FALSE

• The study looked at college students in the US and Mexico. They found no cultural differences but couples are a lot more verbose more than singles

TRUE

• Women are more likely than men to touch other people when they are interacting with them.

TRUE

• Imagine ads were placed for the following potential dating partners. What would you expect the results were:

Men versus Women• Research finds it is women that control early interactions, from

first signaling the man to approach to deciding whether to engage in sex.

TRUE

• The Need for Affiliation is our need to establish and maintain relationships with others.

• Women, on average, have a higher need for affiliation than men

TRUE

• The Need for Intimacy is our need to develop and maintain relationships with others extends beyond merely being with others.

• Women tend to have a stronger need for intimacy than men

TRUE

Men versus Women

• Men were more likely to prefer chat-up lines involving sex.

TRUE

• Women preferred humor.TRUE

• The types of chat-up lines whose effectiveness was under-estimated by men were those involving offers of help to women, handing control of the interaction to women and (subtly) displaying wealth.

TRUE

Bars

• What is the effect of having participants listen to pleasant background music while they rate a stranger?

• The stranger will be liked more TRUE• The stranger will be liked less • The music will have no effect

Pick up lines - Study

• Chat-up lines may be a way for men to select for a particular type of woman. In other words, men using sexually-loaded remarks are looking for a certain type of woman.

• Similarly, at the other end of the scale, men who use character-revealing or culture-based openers are probably trying to show they are a good mate looking for a long-term partner.

Pick up lines - Study'lines' were collated from a variety of sources and clustered into the following categories. Here are a few examples:

• Good mate• these included comments that made reference to culture, character

or wealth. • "You know I saw this fantastic piece in the Tate Modern". • “Hi, my names William, I’m one of the owners here, would you

like to dance?”• Compliments.

• "You remind me of a parking ticket because you've got fine written all over you."

• “So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!”

• Sex.• "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can sure make your bedrock."

• Humor • "Can I buy you an island?"

Pick up lines - Study

Nice guy• Sensitive• Sentimental• Sympathetic• Helpful• Warm• Considerate

Leader• Strong• Assertive• Ingenious• Inventive• Foresighte

d

Bad boy• Confident• Handsome• Hardheaded• Conceited• Opportunisti

c

Subjects complete the Dating Partner Preference Test. An analysis of these results suggests women see men as generally falling into a few types:

Pick up lines - Study

• There was support for the idea that chat-up lines select for women with particular personalities.• Women high in extraversion preferred the male 'leaders'.

• Women high in neuroticism preferred the 'nice guys'.

• Women high in psychoticism rejected 'nice guys', preferring the 'bad mate'.

• It does seem, then, that the type of chat-up lines men choose does have a measurable effect on the types of women who respond to them. This can effectively allow men to make a quick assessment of a woman's personality by their response to a particular type of approach. Those looking for a 'bad mate' might use a sexually-loaded remark or a compliment, while those wanting an extrovert should use a joke.

Love• Mild forms of attraction are relatively stable, more intense forms

are more volatile.TRUE

• Romantic love often has a swift onset, while liking often appears to grow gradually

TRUE

• Individuals' perceptions of their romantic partners seem to reflect their ideals for a partner more than reality.

TRUE 

• According to Hazan and Shaver, romantic love is an attachment process, and people's intimate relationships in adulthood follow the same form as their attachments to their preschool playmates.

FALSE

Marriage

• What are characteristics of successful marriages?• Partners have similar attitudes and personalities. T

• Both partners find the relationship sexually satisfying. T

• They earn an adequate income for their lifestyle. T

• The husband feels pride in his job. T

• The wife was not pregnant before the couple married. T

• The couple’s parents also had successful marriages. T

Marriage

• A person with low self-esteem tends to choose?• Critical True

• Unexpressive

• Complimentary

• The "marriage squeeze" - we have a norm that husbands are slightly older than their wives.

TRUE: The norm is about 2 years. This has created a shortage of eligible spouses, because of declining birth rates.

Marriage

• Trying to save a troubled marriage:• The results of marriage counseling are not encouraging.

• Usually one partner has given up before the counseling starts.

• Marriage counselors often give well-meaning advice that does not work.

• Couples need encouragement to treat each other with respect during periods of stress and turmoil.

• Every marriage has troubled times, and it is important to try to repair problems quickly when they arise.