IMPACTING LIVES  ●  DEVELOPING LEADERS 

 

INTEGRITY S3 ‐ Page 1

SESSION 3 OBJECTIVES: • To understand what it means to be “in touch with reality” and what people “in

touch” really look like. (THINK it) • To think critically about and discuss the fundamentals of being oriented toward

truth described by chapters 7 & 8 of “Integrity”, by Dr. Henry Cloud. (MEAN it ) • To adjust behaviors and attitudes as they relate to the development of our ability

as leaders to be fully “in touch with reality.” (SHOW it)  

Session 3:       Integrity:  Character Dimension 2‐ “Oriented Toward Truth”    

WHAT and SO WHAT?

Chapter 7: “In Touch with Reality” Key Ideas:

o “Telling the truth” is the first part of having an orientation toward truth.

o In situations where there is no supreme, moral reason that lends one to say something less than true, we have to say that to have character integrity is to tell the truth, no matter the costs. In fact, truthfulness is really measured in terms of our tendency to tell it when it hurts in some way.

o The consequences of deceit are usually greater than the ones of the truth.

o Basic truthfulness (and reality 101) is that people of good character are people who can be trusted to tell the truth, and to give a representation of reality to others as best as they understand it.

For discussion: What have you seen to be one of the barriers to the level of truthfulness that the author describes here? Can you think of a time when telling the truth was difficult or could threaten something or someone? How did you handle it and what was the outcome? What do you think about the statement regarding consequences above – do you agree or disagree and why?

o “Truth 201” Telling the truth is foundational, but not enough for

success in life. Lying is not the issue here, but missing parts of reality that

are important to making things work is. Reality is always your friend: We must be in touch with

what is, not what we wish things were or think things should be or are led by others to believe they are. The only thing that is going to be real in the end is what is.

“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of current reality, whatever they might be.” – Jim Stockdale, prisoner of war in Vietnam for 8 years and Congressional Medal of Honor recipient.

High achievers face reality and deal with it. Reality 201 and higher is for those who are honest. They

have the foundation and do not lie. But, they also have other character aspects to who they are they keep them from having blind spots way past lying.

For discussion: Have you ever considered that integrity could be more than simply telling the truth and doing what you say you will do? What do you think about this concept that true integrated or “whole” people have the courage to meet the demands reality? Do you agree with the statement “reality is always your friend”?

IMPACTING LIVES  ●  DEVELOPING LEADERS 

 

INTEGRITY S3 ‐ Page 2

Chapter 8: “What People in Touch Look Like”

Key Ideas: o Being a person in touch with reality requires that we do not assume

or act as if we know what it is, but rather we seek reality out. (pg. 112-113)

o The opposite of actively seeking reality is avoidance. We do this for a variety of reasons: (pg. 114-115)

We have an emotional investment in some other reality. We fear dealing with the ramifications… sometimes facing

reality calls for some courage to possibly face starting over or finding a completely new way to make it work.

Basic pride, omnipotence, arrogance, grandiosity, or narcissism – this is the person who see him/herself as above others, better than everyone else, knowing all things, and in touch with reality. To admit being wrong doesn’t even come up on the radar screen.

o People who are oriented toward truth lean into reality as a direction in life, the way a compass points north. They are balanced in three directions: (pg. 115-122)

1. They seek truth about the external world – what is true around them (their company, market, and world).

2. They seek truth about themselves – they are open and actively seeking feedback.

3. They seek truth about other people. They are not afraid to see people as they really are.

For discussion: As you consider these elements of seeking out truth, what do you see as habits, barriers, or tendencies within your leadership style? Can you think of a circumstance when you observed avoidance of truth in action in either yourself or someone else?

o People in touch with reality have a healthy observing ego. This is a

developed ability to monitor our own thoughts, behaviors, attitudes, feelings, abilities, choices, values, desires, talents, and the like. Character that see itself is usually able to self-correct. (pg. 123-125)

o Another character trait in our ability to seek truth is the ability of a person to neutralize hard truth, making it not overwhelming, but something to be looked at without all the terrible emotion that goes along with it. (pg. 125-127)

o The integrated character balances the brains ability to manage information with both good judgment and strong emotion. This character can still access all his “thinking faculties” and doesn’t allow the emotional state that he is in to override. (pg. 127-130)

o “Jekyll and Hyde” – looking at the world/people with an either/or perspective. They are either good or bad. An integrated character can see more fully the scope of strengths and weaknesses – in other words, this person can see the whole picture. (pg. 131-133)

o In order to deal with reality in a productive way, we must cultivate the ability to assimilate information and accommodate information. This means we must take in information and then make room for it. (pg. 133-138)

IMPACTING LIVES  ●  DEVELOPING LEADERS 

 

INTEGRITY S3 ‐ Page 3

For discussion: The abilities to observe and self-correct, to neutralize hard truths, to manage our emotions with difficult truths, and see “the whole picture” are each important elements in their own right. Of these, which one is the most challenging for you personally and why? Consider the example given about Steve Jobs and Apple computer (pg. 136), what does that do for your understanding of the ability to “assimilate and accommodate” information and why is it so important for leaders?

NOW WHAT: How does “being oriented toward truth” or “in touch with reality” help us become authentic Legacy leaders? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ For next session: Read chapter 9: Character Dimension Three: “Getting Results” “Finishing Well”