inspirit health and wellness magazine november 2012

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InSpirit November2012 D 0 m e s t i c V i o l e n c e

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Inspirit is a health and welness magazine that will focus on health and welness for your total self. Mind, body and spirit

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Page 1: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

InSpiritNovember2012

D0mestic

Violence

Page 2: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.

Page 3: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.

Page 4: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings,

and rapes combined.

Page 5: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings,

and rapes combined.

Page 6: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm

if presented with a breakup.

Page 7: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm

if presented with a breakup.

Page 8: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her

lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.

For more facts visit the website below

http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/

Page 9: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her

lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.

For more facts visit the website below

http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/

Page 10: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Inspirit Magazine has chosen to dedicate this Issue of the magazine to bringing awareness to Domestic Violence. Some form of Domestic Violence is prevalent in every state, every city and every neighborhood in the United States. Domestic Violence affects the young, the old, women, men and even pets. Some people who are directly affected feel that they do not have the strength,

the courage or the resources to get out of the unhealthy relationship.

Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does and when it does there is help. You need to remember two things: first, abuse is never okay; second, you are not alone.

Help is yours for the asking. Your safety as well as the ones attached to you is a priority.

Inspirit magazine focus is on your total well being. Taking care of your total self. Mind, body and soul can and will give you the courage and the strength to help you make positive choices in your life. Therefore we feel it most appropriate to dedicate this Issue to such a cause. We are very

confident that after reading this issue you will feel better informed to seek out further resources if necessary or if you know someone who is in such a situation you will feel better informed on how

you can safely help that person.

Page 11: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Inspirit Magazine has chosen to dedicate this Issue of the magazine to bringing awareness to Domestic Violence. Some form of Domestic Violence is prevalent in every state, every city and every neighborhood in the United States. Domestic Violence affects the young, the old, women, men and even pets. Some people who are directly affected feel that they do not have the strength,

the courage or the resources to get out of the unhealthy relationship.

Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does and when it does there is help. You need to remember two things: first, abuse is never okay; second, you are not alone.

Help is yours for the asking. Your safety as well as the ones attached to you is a priority.

Inspirit magazine focus is on your total well being. Taking care of your total self. Mind, body and soul can and will give you the courage and the strength to help you make positive choices in your life. Therefore we feel it most appropriate to dedicate this Issue to such a cause. We are very

confident that after reading this issue you will feel better informed to seek out further resources if necessary or if you know someone who is in such a situation you will feel better informed on how

you can safely help that person.

Page 12: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012
Page 13: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012
Page 14: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

http://www.yoplait.com/yoplait-in-action

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of ac-tions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimi-date, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.Tries to isolate you from family or friends.Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.Does not want you to work.Controls finances or refuses to share money.Punishes you by withholding affection.Expects you to ask permission.Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.Humiliates you in any way.

Page 15: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

The incredible Pharmanex BioPhotonic Scanner has transformed the way we look at our health, and has cre-ated a business opportunity like no other in the world. What is the Scanner?It’s a revolutionary tool developed by Pharmanex to measure the carot-enoid antioxidant levels in your skin-and prove the effectiveness of your supplements in improving your over-all antioxidant health. What does the Scanner do?Place the palm of your hand in front of the Scanner’s safe, low-energy blue light, and you will obtain an im-mediate reading of the carotenoid antioxidant levels in your skin-your Skin Carotenoid Score.

Why should I be scanned?By measuring the stable level of ca-rotenoid antioxidants in your skin and generating your Skin Carotenoid Score, the Scanner provides a more accurate and reliable biomarker of your overall antioxidant health status than other methods of measuring anti-oxidants. Getting your Skin Carotenoid Score makes you aware of the anti-oxidant levels in your body-and gives you the push you need to improve your overall antioxidant health.

“The recent study showing that skin carotenoids can be indicative of oxidative stress in the body is an important advance in antioxi-dant research and may potentially be the most important discovery with the Pharmanex BioPhotonic Scanner. These findings should encourage consumers to know their score and increase their consumption of more fruits and vegetables while continuing to supplement.”

- Lester Packer, Ph.D.,The world’s foremost antioxidant research scientist

How Do I Get Scanned?http://www.futurelook.nsproducts.com/register

215.459.8546D.W. Wilkins

Page 16: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012
Page 17: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012
Page 18: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Im a SurvivorI was 27 and thought I had finally succeeded in my long standing goal to find the right person for me, the person I would share my life with. He was strong, smart and handsome, with a great sense of humor. He also had what seemed to be uncommon sensitivity and an ability to look at himself objectively, which he seemed to use in an effort to continually improve himself. We were like peas in a pod, obviously meant to be together.

We were both a little wild. No matter. We had already decided that kids were not in our future and I felt sure I could handle the occasional angry outbursts he was prone to. Hell, I had angry outbursts from time to time. I had seen my own parents fight like that now and then, that was normal, right?

We had a few scuffles early on, before we were married. I remember once he came in to the bar where I was working and started an argument with me that certainly could have waited. There was the times he got really angry because I accidentally locked him out or was late coming home from an office job (I had stopped for an innocent drink with a female co-worker.) And once, we got really drunk and almost came to blows in a bar (our friends had intervened with no injuries inflicted.) These incidents were spread out over months and seemed like isolated events. In retrospect, I wish I had taken warning and avoided one of the bigger mistakes in my life.

Decisions got made early on. He made more money than me and wanted to handle the money: “Okay, Honey, you handle the money.” Money was always tight (we used to go out all the time!), so we only had one car. I was good at finding jobs close to home because I didn’t really like to drive; if I needed to go some where on my own (rare), he had no problem taking me. He did all the shopping and cooking (great!)

He had a nasty habit of letting things get to him to a point where he would explode every now and then, once or twice a year. He would scream at me that nothing I did was good enough, sometimes he would throw things or act in threatening ways. Honestly, sometimes he seemed to scream at me about things that didn’t even relate to our life to-gether, as if he was reliving an argument that had happened between his parents when he was a kid. I always reacted to these outbursts with strength. I never thought I was in danger, I was pretty tough.

He had a very rough background, riddled with violence since early childhood, but he had also undergone extensive self development training and it showed when he was not angry. Of course it was also clear to both of us, due to his background and also his training as a Navy Seal, that if he ever did lose control, I could be in mortal danger.

Page 19: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Im a SurvivorI was 27 and thought I had finally succeeded in my long standing goal to find the right person for me, the person I would share my life with. He was strong, smart and handsome, with a great sense of humor. He also had what seemed to be uncommon sensitivity and an ability to look at himself objectively, which he seemed to use in an effort to continually improve himself. We were like peas in a pod, obviously meant to be together.

We were both a little wild. No matter. We had already decided that kids were not in our future and I felt sure I could handle the occasional angry outbursts he was prone to. Hell, I had angry outbursts from time to time. I had seen my own parents fight like that now and then, that was normal, right?

We had a few scuffles early on, before we were married. I remember once he came in to the bar where I was working and started an argument with me that certainly could have waited. There was the times he got really angry because I accidentally locked him out or was late coming home from an office job (I had stopped for an innocent drink with a female co-worker.) And once, we got really drunk and almost came to blows in a bar (our friends had intervened with no injuries inflicted.) These incidents were spread out over months and seemed like isolated events. In retrospect, I wish I had taken warning and avoided one of the bigger mistakes in my life.

Decisions got made early on. He made more money than me and wanted to handle the money: “Okay, Honey, you handle the money.” Money was always tight (we used to go out all the time!), so we only had one car. I was good at finding jobs close to home because I didn’t really like to drive; if I needed to go some where on my own (rare), he had no problem taking me. He did all the shopping and cooking (great!)

He had a nasty habit of letting things get to him to a point where he would explode every now and then, once or twice a year. He would scream at me that nothing I did was good enough, sometimes he would throw things or act in threatening ways. Honestly, sometimes he seemed to scream at me about things that didn’t even relate to our life to-gether, as if he was reliving an argument that had happened between his parents when he was a kid. I always reacted to these outbursts with strength. I never thought I was in danger, I was pretty tough.

He had a very rough background, riddled with violence since early childhood, but he had also undergone extensive self development training and it showed when he was not angry. Of course it was also clear to both of us, due to his background and also his training as a Navy Seal, that if he ever did lose control, I could be in mortal danger.

Page 20: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

We became pregnant, by surprise, three years into our marriage. For me this was a huge blow. I was literally in denial for the first three months of pregnancy and then only grudgingly started to make the adjustment to motherhood. He was helpful and supportive for the most part, although I had extreme difficulty wrapping my mind around the new expectations the world now had for me. He was studying to become a Master Herbalist at the time and he saw to a full regiment of nutritional supplements while I grew larger, more uncomfortable and more terrified of becoming a mother.

Labor was a nightmare. Fifty hours with a tear that had to be stitched and later became infected. It didn’t heal for three months. My beautiful baby turned out to be a crying machine that required every single moment of my attention and it never seemed good enough to stop her crying for long enough to give me a chance to rest. My husband was not much help in the baby care department. The first six months of her life were the hardest I have ever endured. When we finally started to settle into a working relationship, I found my marriage had changed.

My husband probably felt neglected with so much of my time focused on our daughter, but he never really said so, most likely because his rational brain knew that it was a necessary part of the adjustment. He also took on the responsibility of supporting a family as a heavy burden, even though to my mind, it didn’t really differ from what he’d been doing all along. His brow was clouded more often and it was harder for him to really relax and have any kind of fun.

At around the time our daughter was six months old, we had a fight that really scared me. I needed some help bringing our daughter and her things in from the truck after having dinner at my Dad’s. He sat on the sofa looking like he was going to fall asleep, but we were both exhausted. In exasperation I said, “Can I get some help!” He jumped up off the sofa and came at me like a madman. He had me by the throat, pushed up against a wall with his fist drawn back like he was going to hit me. I was shocked. The only thing I could think to do was reach up and scratch his face. In complete astonishment he released me, then he saw the blood and was really mad. He chased me all around the apartment until our daughter demanded our attention and he regained control over himself. Once we were able to talk to each oth-er, it turned out he didn’t remember jumping off the sofa to attack me. He only knew that I attacked him by scratching his face.

Page 21: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

We became pregnant, by surprise, three years into our marriage. For me this was a huge blow. I was literally in denial for the first three months of pregnancy and then only grudgingly started to make the adjustment to motherhood. He was helpful and supportive for the most part, although I had extreme difficulty wrapping my mind around the new expectations the world now had for me. He was studying to become a Master Herbalist at the time and he saw to a full regiment of nutritional supplements while I grew larger, more uncomfortable and more terrified of becoming a mother.

Labor was a nightmare. Fifty hours with a tear that had to be stitched and later became infected. It didn’t heal for three months. My beautiful baby turned out to be a crying machine that required every single moment of my attention and it never seemed good enough to stop her crying for long enough to give me a chance to rest. My husband was not much help in the baby care department. The first six months of her life were the hardest I have ever endured. When we finally started to settle into a working relationship, I found my marriage had changed.

My husband probably felt neglected with so much of my time focused on our daughter, but he never really said so, most likely because his rational brain knew that it was a necessary part of the adjustment. He also took on the responsibility of supporting a family as a heavy burden, even though to my mind, it didn’t really differ from what he’d been doing all along. His brow was clouded more often and it was harder for him to really relax and have any kind of fun.

At around the time our daughter was six months old, we had a fight that really scared me. I needed some help bringing our daughter and her things in from the truck after having dinner at my Dad’s. He sat on the sofa looking like he was going to fall asleep, but we were both exhausted. In exasperation I said, “Can I get some help!” He jumped up off the sofa and came at me like a madman. He had me by the throat, pushed up against a wall with his fist drawn back like he was going to hit me. I was shocked. The only thing I could think to do was reach up and scratch his face. In complete astonishment he released me, then he saw the blood and was really mad. He chased me all around the apartment until our daughter demanded our attention and he regained control over himself. Once we were able to talk to each oth-er, it turned out he didn’t remember jumping off the sofa to attack me. He only knew that I attacked him by scratching his face.

Page 22: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

This was the moment I started to suspect I had signed up for serious trouble. What could I do? I couldn’t leave him, I had this tiny person to care for now that took up every minute of every day. I had no life, no job prospects and whatever I could have made at the time would really have only covered day care and may-be transportation. I didn’t want some day care to raise my tiny baby! I felt despair, trapped, and the only practical course of action I could see was to stick with the current plan. I would stop fighting with him to lessen the amount of yelling my daughter was exposed to and I would simply focus on raising her. I thought once she’s big enough to go to school I will be free to get a job and make a different choice.

We moved from East Coast big city life to rural Southwest Colorado. It was beautiful, a wonderful place to raise kids. We had a second child, a son. When he was born, I was at a point where I was going out of my mind with the whole stay at home mom lifestyle. I never went any where. All of my activities centered around my two year old daughter. Even if we had people over, I always ended up spending all my time with babies. The children were 100% my responsibility. He would occasionally take them with him to the grocery store to give me half an hour of peace.

I needed something else on which to focus my mind and, since money was always tight, I decided to try doing some kind of business online as the perfect way to stay home with the kids (my first responsibility) and make money. It was slow going. First I had to build a computer, bit by bit, with the help of a techie friend. And then I had a long learning curve to go through to learn to use the computer and do business with it in “spare” time such as nap time and bed time. It took years and I can’t tell you how many times my husband encouraged me to simply give up. Once he insisted that I get a job because he just couldn’t earn enough to support us. That job lasted one week. I came home several nights to find him asleep in one end of the house with the children awake and playing in their room at the other with a baby gate midway between, so I didn’t try too hard to keep it.

Life went on like this for years. I was in the house all the time, I had no friends that I saw outside of school functions, I had no transportation of my own for the most part and every cent I made went to him to manage along with his income. Honestly, I as not entirely unhappy. He hadn’t scared me again like he did that night when our daughter was so small. He still had his occasional outbursts, but again, they struck me as understandable. I stuck to the promise I’d made to my-self and went out of my way not to upset him. If I had something I needed to say, I would think about it first, sometimes for days, until I could come up with a way to say it without starting a fight. We talked every day and had a good sex life for the most part. It seemed to me that I was experiencing “married life” and perhaps if we could just get our finances under control we wouldn’t have the stress that was the underlying cause of the outbursts. Maybe we could be happy af-ter all.

Page 23: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

This was the moment I started to suspect I had signed up for serious trouble. What could I do? I couldn’t leave him, I had this tiny person to care for now that took up every minute of every day. I had no life, no job prospects and whatever I could have made at the time would really have only covered day care and may-be transportation. I didn’t want some day care to raise my tiny baby! I felt despair, trapped, and the only practical course of action I could see was to stick with the current plan. I would stop fighting with him to lessen the amount of yelling my daughter was exposed to and I would simply focus on raising her. I thought once she’s big enough to go to school I will be free to get a job and make a different choice.

We moved from East Coast big city life to rural Southwest Colorado. It was beautiful, a wonderful place to raise kids. We had a second child, a son. When he was born, I was at a point where I was going out of my mind with the whole stay at home mom lifestyle. I never went any where. All of my activities centered around my two year old daughter. Even if we had people over, I always ended up spending all my time with babies. The children were 100% my responsibility. He would occasionally take them with him to the grocery store to give me half an hour of peace.

I needed something else on which to focus my mind and, since money was always tight, I decided to try doing some kind of business online as the perfect way to stay home with the kids (my first responsibility) and make money. It was slow going. First I had to build a computer, bit by bit, with the help of a techie friend. And then I had a long learning curve to go through to learn to use the computer and do business with it in “spare” time such as nap time and bed time. It took years and I can’t tell you how many times my husband encouraged me to simply give up. Once he insisted that I get a job because he just couldn’t earn enough to support us. That job lasted one week. I came home several nights to find him asleep in one end of the house with the children awake and playing in their room at the other with a baby gate midway between, so I didn’t try too hard to keep it.

Life went on like this for years. I was in the house all the time, I had no friends that I saw outside of school functions, I had no transportation of my own for the most part and every cent I made went to him to manage along with his income. Honestly, I as not entirely unhappy. He hadn’t scared me again like he did that night when our daughter was so small. He still had his occasional outbursts, but again, they struck me as understandable. I stuck to the promise I’d made to my-self and went out of my way not to upset him. If I had something I needed to say, I would think about it first, sometimes for days, until I could come up with a way to say it without starting a fight. We talked every day and had a good sex life for the most part. It seemed to me that I was experiencing “married life” and perhaps if we could just get our finances under control we wouldn’t have the stress that was the underlying cause of the outbursts. Maybe we could be happy af-ter all.

Page 24: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Then, in 2005, my husband decided he wanted us to take a self development course like he had done in his twenties. He felt they had done him so much good back then that we could only benefit from going through it together now. I was reluctant, but agreed. It was actually a fascinating three day course during which we each learned a lot. I started to feel hopeful that we would be able to work through all of our difficulties and be as happy as we’d always wanted to be. We each took a second, week long course individually and gears really started to turn in my head as a result. I was surprised at the respect other people taking the course showed for me, my experience and even my wisdom. Rebellious thoughts I’d had through the years started to demand attention, thoughts like “If I am taking care of the kids, the house and making money, what do I need him for?!” I wanted to talk to him about it, but couldn’t. I was terrified that it would start some-thing I couldn’t handle. I literally shook at the thought of trying to confront him with my true feelings.

About a year later I read Constance d’Angelis’ article, “The 7 Laws to Peaceful Solutions” in Science of Mind magazine which talked about peaceful resolution to conflict. It used a real life example to illustrate the process and in this example the man talked about his feelings about his wife calling the police on him. He said he never hurt her, that it was wrong for the police to charge him. The facilitator in the article asked him if he acted like he was going to hit his wife and he re-luctantly admitted he had in an effort to scare her, but he never intended to do her any harm. The therapist said, “That’s assault.” I was stunned. My husband had done that to me lots of times, but I never realized it was a crime!

At about this same time, my husband’s angry outbursts started coming more often (about every three months) and they seemed to be gaining in intensity. In Feb-ruary of 2007 he went completely crazy because he burned his hand on dinner. I thought he was going to put me through a window, he punched a hole in a wall in our home, threatened to kill me and all the while our two children were hiding under my desk in the office terrified. In the end he apologized saying he didn’t know what came over him, but I took warning and started to think about what I would do if it ever happened again.

I told my sister about it and asked, if it ever came down to it, would we be welcome to stay with her if I felt I had to leave my husband. She lived a thousand miles away, in California, but she was the closest family I had. She said we would absolutely be welcome and wanted to know if we wanted to come right away. After his apology, I still felt some hope, but told her I would hold onto the information and if I ever felt it was necessary, I would let her know. I had no idea how I could possibly get there, I couldn’t even get into town on my own at the time.

Page 25: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Then, in 2005, my husband decided he wanted us to take a self development course like he had done in his twenties. He felt they had done him so much good back then that we could only benefit from going through it together now. I was reluctant, but agreed. It was actually a fascinating three day course during which we each learned a lot. I started to feel hopeful that we would be able to work through all of our difficulties and be as happy as we’d always wanted to be. We each took a second, week long course individually and gears really started to turn in my head as a result. I was surprised at the respect other people taking the course showed for me, my experience and even my wisdom. Rebellious thoughts I’d had through the years started to demand attention, thoughts like “If I am taking care of the kids, the house and making money, what do I need him for?!” I wanted to talk to him about it, but couldn’t. I was terrified that it would start some-thing I couldn’t handle. I literally shook at the thought of trying to confront him with my true feelings.

About a year later I read Constance d’Angelis’ article, “The 7 Laws to Peaceful Solutions” in Science of Mind magazine which talked about peaceful resolution to conflict. It used a real life example to illustrate the process and in this example the man talked about his feelings about his wife calling the police on him. He said he never hurt her, that it was wrong for the police to charge him. The facilitator in the article asked him if he acted like he was going to hit his wife and he re-luctantly admitted he had in an effort to scare her, but he never intended to do her any harm. The therapist said, “That’s assault.” I was stunned. My husband had done that to me lots of times, but I never realized it was a crime!

At about this same time, my husband’s angry outbursts started coming more often (about every three months) and they seemed to be gaining in intensity. In Feb-ruary of 2007 he went completely crazy because he burned his hand on dinner. I thought he was going to put me through a window, he punched a hole in a wall in our home, threatened to kill me and all the while our two children were hiding under my desk in the office terrified. In the end he apologized saying he didn’t know what came over him, but I took warning and started to think about what I would do if it ever happened again.

I told my sister about it and asked, if it ever came down to it, would we be welcome to stay with her if I felt I had to leave my husband. She lived a thousand miles away, in California, but she was the closest family I had. She said we would absolutely be welcome and wanted to know if we wanted to come right away. After his apology, I still felt some hope, but told her I would hold onto the information and if I ever felt it was necessary, I would let her know. I had no idea how I could possibly get there, I couldn’t even get into town on my own at the time.

Page 26: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Then in May 2007, the day after Mother’s Day, he started screaming at me and the kids out of the blue. Shaking, I stood up for myself, which earned me an invitation from him to “take it outside.” I tried to explain that I didn’t want to fight but couldn’t understand why he was yelling at us and we spent a very quiet, very tense eve-ning without much interaction. The next day it took next to nothing to get his anger up and he scared me bad enough that I ended up screaming to the kids (hiding in another room) to call 911. They were too afraid to do it, but his surprise was enough to give me the chance to get out of the house and run down to the local bar (the only business within half a mile) and call the police.

It was only after I called the police that I truly started to understand my situation, the situation I had helped to create and allowed for twelve years. Domestic abuse is not just about hitting. I was told that I was lucky to have left when I did because the pattern I was living with, especially in light of the escalation, was a deadly one and I probably got out in the nick of time.

He was arrested and spent a couple of nights in jail. I didn’t know what would happen. The Victim’s Advocate who attended his hearing told me he was very angry and suggested I find somewhere else to stay. I had no friends locally that I could ask for help. I called my sister, she was ready for me. My mother paid for bus tickets to California for me and my two children (24 hours on a bus with kids ages 7 and 9!) and I’ve never been back. We left everything behind, taking one small bag each with our most prized possessions and clothing.

We spent a year with my sister and her family. I earned room and board for us by helping to take care of their home and my nieces. I sought therapy at the advice and expense of the Colorado Victim’s Assistance program. I also attended a sixteen week Domestic Violence support group through which I learned a lot. I think the most important things I learned were:

Page 27: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

Then in May 2007, the day after Mother’s Day, he started screaming at me and the kids out of the blue. Shaking, I stood up for myself, which earned me an invitation from him to “take it outside.” I tried to explain that I didn’t want to fight but couldn’t understand why he was yelling at us and we spent a very quiet, very tense eve-ning without much interaction. The next day it took next to nothing to get his anger up and he scared me bad enough that I ended up screaming to the kids (hiding in another room) to call 911. They were too afraid to do it, but his surprise was enough to give me the chance to get out of the house and run down to the local bar (the only business within half a mile) and call the police.

It was only after I called the police that I truly started to understand my situation, the situation I had helped to create and allowed for twelve years. Domestic abuse is not just about hitting. I was told that I was lucky to have left when I did because the pattern I was living with, especially in light of the escalation, was a deadly one and I probably got out in the nick of time.

He was arrested and spent a couple of nights in jail. I didn’t know what would happen. The Victim’s Advocate who attended his hearing told me he was very angry and suggested I find somewhere else to stay. I had no friends locally that I could ask for help. I called my sister, she was ready for me. My mother paid for bus tickets to California for me and my two children (24 hours on a bus with kids ages 7 and 9!) and I’ve never been back. We left everything behind, taking one small bag each with our most prized possessions and clothing.

We spent a year with my sister and her family. I earned room and board for us by helping to take care of their home and my nieces. I sought therapy at the advice and expense of the Colorado Victim’s Assistance program. I also attended a sixteen week Domestic Violence support group through which I learned a lot. I think the most important things I learned were:

Page 28: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

-The range of women who are abused makes it clear that it’s not a certain personality type that allows themselves to be treated this way. All kinds of women have sud-denly found themselves trapped in a situation that came about gradually, but left them feeling powerless. Domestic Violence is a scary sort of cancer in our society perpetuated in part by lack of awareness.

-There are a wide range of programs and services designed to help women who are being abused and their children. Don’t think you’ll have to do it all by yourself if you’re thinking of leaving.

- Abuse isn’t just about hitting. So many women suffer abuse in so many ways, and they think no one can help them because their partner is not really committing a crime. It’s not true! Abuse is a crime. And there is help for you if you are suffering.

The most shocking aspect of what I’ve learned since leaving is that I did not recognized all of the abusive treatment I was dealing with. Yes, it all came about in what seemed to be an understandable fashion, but the result was that I was alone and completely at the mercy of a man who scared me and was physically stronger me. Iso-lation is a form of abuse. Having no say in finances and having to hand over everything you earn is a form of abuse. The condescending male attitude of “women’s work” and an uneven distribution of child care and household responsibilities is a form of abuse. Screaming at your partner, putting them down and belittling them is a form of abuse.

I still tried to be understanding. In the late Summer of 2007 we talked briefly about a possible reconciliation, but it wasn’t long before he exploded via email and vio-lated the terms of the temporary restraining order that was (and still is) in place. Everything I had learned made it much easier for me to identify the “honeymoon phase” we were going through and the cycle of violence that would certainly continue without extensive treatment.

I filed for divorce in September of 2007 and am still trying to separate myself from him legally and insure the safety of my children in regard to visitation.

As of this writing, my children and I have been in our own apartment for about three months. My family’s been extremely helpful and supportive. I have friends now too, who have been great. I’ve had to take advantage of assistance programs, which was hard to face, but truthfully, I am just the kind of person these programs were created to support. I expect to be off assistance by the end of the year because my beloved business is finally blooming like I had always hoped it would. I guess cutting off 180lbs of dead weight was just what it needed! Read more Stories http://broken-to-beautiful.org/domestic-violence-stories.php/

Page 29: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

-The range of women who are abused makes it clear that it’s not a certain personality type that allows themselves to be treated this way. All kinds of women have sud-denly found themselves trapped in a situation that came about gradually, but left them feeling powerless. Domestic Violence is a scary sort of cancer in our society perpetuated in part by lack of awareness.

-There are a wide range of programs and services designed to help women who are being abused and their children. Don’t think you’ll have to do it all by yourself if you’re thinking of leaving.

- Abuse isn’t just about hitting. So many women suffer abuse in so many ways, and they think no one can help them because their partner is not really committing a crime. It’s not true! Abuse is a crime. And there is help for you if you are suffering.

The most shocking aspect of what I’ve learned since leaving is that I did not recognized all of the abusive treatment I was dealing with. Yes, it all came about in what seemed to be an understandable fashion, but the result was that I was alone and completely at the mercy of a man who scared me and was physically stronger me. Iso-lation is a form of abuse. Having no say in finances and having to hand over everything you earn is a form of abuse. The condescending male attitude of “women’s work” and an uneven distribution of child care and household responsibilities is a form of abuse. Screaming at your partner, putting them down and belittling them is a form of abuse.

I still tried to be understanding. In the late Summer of 2007 we talked briefly about a possible reconciliation, but it wasn’t long before he exploded via email and vio-lated the terms of the temporary restraining order that was (and still is) in place. Everything I had learned made it much easier for me to identify the “honeymoon phase” we were going through and the cycle of violence that would certainly continue without extensive treatment.

I filed for divorce in September of 2007 and am still trying to separate myself from him legally and insure the safety of my children in regard to visitation.

As of this writing, my children and I have been in our own apartment for about three months. My family’s been extremely helpful and supportive. I have friends now too, who have been great. I’ve had to take advantage of assistance programs, which was hard to face, but truthfully, I am just the kind of person these programs were created to support. I expect to be off assistance by the end of the year because my beloved business is finally blooming like I had always hoped it would. I guess cutting off 180lbs of dead weight was just what it needed! Read more Stories http://broken-to-beautiful.org/domestic-violence-stories.php/

Page 30: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

How to help a friend who is being abused

Here are some ways to help a friend who is being abused:

Set up a time to talk. Try to make sure you have privacy and won’t be dis-tracted or interrupted.

Let your friend know you’re concerned about her safety. Be honest. Tell her about times when you were worried about her. Help her see that what she’s going through is not right. Let her know you want to help.

Be supportive. Listen to your friend. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for her to talk about the abuse. Tell her that she is not alone, and that people want to help.

Offer specific help. You might say you are willing to just listen, to help her with childcare, or to provide transportation, for example.Don’t place shame, blame, or guilt on your friend. Don’t say, “You just need to leave.” Instead, say something like, “I get scared thinking about what might happen to you.” Tell her you understand that her situation is very difficult.

http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/how-to-help-a-friend-who-is-being-abused.cfm

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Help her make a safety plan. Safety planning includes picking a place to go and packing important items.

Encourage your friend to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help her find a local domestic violence agency. Offer to go with her to the agency, the police, or court.

If your friend decides to stay, continue to be supportive. Your friend may decide to stay in the relationship, or she may leave and then go back many times. It may be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what your friend decides to do.

Encourage your friend to do things outside of the relationship. It’s important for her to see friends and family.

If your friend decides to leave, continue to offer support. Even though the rela-tionship was abusive, she may feel sad and lonely once it is over. She also may need help getting services from agencies or community groups.Keep in mind that you can’t “rescue” your friend. She has to be the one to decide it’s time to get help. Support her no matter what her decision.

Let your friend know that you will always be there no matter what.

Read More

http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/how-to-help-a-friend-who-is-being-abused.cfm

Page 32: Inspirit Health and Wellness Magazine November 2012

How To Raise Your Self-Esteem By STANLEY J. GROSS, ED.D

Have you wondered about what self-esteem is and how to get more of it? Do you think your self-esteem is low? Do you know how to tell? Do you know what to do about it?

Self-esteem answers the question, “How do I feel about who I am?” We learn self-esteem in our family of origin; we do not inherit it.

Global self-esteem (about “who we are”) is normally constant. Situational self-esteem (about what we do) fluctuates, depending on circumstances, roles, and events. Situation-al self-esteem can be high at one moment (e.g., at work) and low the next (e.g., at home).

Low self-esteem is a negative evaluation of oneself. This type of evaluation usually occurs when some circumstance we encounter in our life touches on our sensitivities. We per-sonalize the incident and experience physical, emotional, and cognitive arousal. This is so alarming and confusing that we respond by acting in a self-defeating or self-destructive manner. When that happens, our actions tend to be automatic and impulse-driven; we feel upset or emotionally blocked; our thinking narrows; our self-care deteriorates; we lose our sense of self; we focus on being in control and become self-absorbed.

Global self-esteem is not set in stone. Raising it is possible, but not easy. Global self-esteem grows as we face our fears and learn from our experiences. Some of this work may re-quire the aid of a psychotherapist. In the meantime, here is what you can do:

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Get sober. Get help through 12-step groups to stop self-destructive behaviors. Addictions block learning and drag down our mood. Identify them and replace them with self-care.

Practice self-care. Make new lifestyle choices by joining self-help groups and practicing positive health care.

Identify triggers to low self-esteem. We personalize stressful events (e.g., criticism) by inferring a negative meaning about ourselves. A self-defeating action often follows. Each event can, instead, be a chance to learn about ourselves, if we face our fear of doing so and the negative beliefs about ourselves that sustain the negative meanings.

Slow down personalizing. Target personalizing to slow impulsive responses. You can be-gin to interfere with these automatic overreactions by using relaxation and stress man-agement techniques. These techniques are directed at self-soothing the arousal. This al-lows us to interrupt the otherwise inevitable automatic reaction and put into play a way to begin to face the unacknowledged fears at the root of low self-esteem.

Stop and take notice. Pay attention to the familiarity of the impulse. Our tendency is to overreact in the same way to the same incident. Awareness of the similarity can be the cue to slow our reactivity.

Acknowledge reaction. Verbalize, “Here I go again (describe action, feeling, thought) . . . ” Actively do something with the awareness rather than passively note it. The result is to slow the impulse and give ourselves a choice about how we want to respond. Keep Reading http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/how-to-raise-your-self-esteem/

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HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

We spend so much time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. Lov-ing yourself is mainly having self-respect which is the only dependable way to cre-ate love in your own life to share with others. When you expect love from an exter-nal source, and someone or something does not fulfill your void and fantasies, then you will feel worse than before. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others. Understanding the effects of loving yourself will only enhance your ability to love others. By doing so, you are enabling positive en-ergy and allowing for great situations to occur in your life. This guide will help.If you feel as if your life is for nothing, i can tell you that you are 100% wrong! every-day there are people coming in and out of the world, so spend it wisely and respect yourself. Sometimes we feel as if our lives rely on that one person. We think ‘If I do this, he/ she will like me. We tend to waste time avoiding those certain people, and regret it later. We miss them, yearn for their love, and even waste birthday wishes on them. “In order to love someone, you must love yourself.

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Learn to let go of past events. You deserve a fresh beginning! There are a lot of people out there that have had hard lives/bad beginnings or moments. Don’t close yourself out of grief, disappointments, or fears of future ridicule. Acknowledge your feelings, but work to put them behind you. Cherish what you have learned from your challenges, and how you have changed and grown from them.

**Forgive yourself. Don’t punish yourself for something you have done in the past. Instead, look at the mistake as a learning experience. Say to yourself now: “I forgive myself for _______.” Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself. Look yourself right in the eyes and speak forgiveness like you mean it. Don’t ever demean or ridicule yourself. If you do, laugh out loud, realizing that was then and this is now. Every day is a new beginning.

**Post positive statements up some places where you will see them each and every day. “I am beautiful.” or “I have the courage to love.” Read them out loud, every day, at least once, ideally at least ten times each time you notice one of them. Sticky notes are fabulous for such affirmations and goals.

**Sit in front of the mirror. Imagine in the mirror is someone putting you down. Then, prac-tice calmly replying to her, “I do ‘not’ care,” with a smile. Practice it until you truly believe it.

**Try to look past “material” objects and feelings: We all want a nice house, nice things, someone to share our life with. Find your true wants objectively. Do you crave power, a reli-gion or simply a motive? Sometimes it’s easier to hide the truth from yourself, but figuring out what you really want will help you know yourself better and hopefully aid in answering important questions you often ask yourself.

READ MORE http://www.wikihow.com/Love-Yourself

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Regular exercise can help protect you from heart disease and stroke, high blood pressure, non-insulin-dependent diabetes, obesity, back pain, osteoporosis, and can improve your mood and help you to better manage stress.For the greatest overall health benefits, experts recommend that you do 20 to 30 minutes of aerobic activity three or more times a week and some type of muscle strengthening activity and stretching at least twice a week. However, if you are unable to do this level of activity, you can gain substantial health benefits by accumulating 30 minutes or more of moderate-intensity physical activity a day, at least five times a week.

If you have been inactive for a while, you may want to start with less strenuous activities such as walking or swimming at a comfortable pace. Beginning at a slow pace will allow you to be-come physically fit without straining your body. Once you are in better shape, you can gradu-ally do more strenuous activity.

How Physical Activity Impacts HealthRegular physical activity that is performed on most days of the week reduces the risk of devel-oping or dying from some of the leading causes of illness and death in the United States.

• Reduces the risk of dying prematurely. • Reduces the risk of dying prematurely from heart disease. • Reduces the risk of developing diabetes. • Reduces the risk of developing high blood pressure. • Helps reduce blood pressure in people who already have high blood pressure.• Reduces the risk of developing colon cancer. • Reduces feelings of depression and anxiety. • Helps control weight. • Helps build and maintain healthy bones, muscles, and joints. • Helps older adults become stronger and better able to move about without falling. • Promotes psychological well-being.

Health Benefits of Exercise

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Specific Health Benefits of Exercise

Heart Disease and Stroke. Daily physical activity can help prevent heart disease and stroke by strengthening your heart muscle, lowering your blood pressure, raising your high-density li-poprotein (HDL) levels (good cholesterol) and lowering low-density lipoprotein (LDL) levels (bad cholesterol), improving blood flow, and increasing your heart’s working capacity.

High Blood Pressure. Regular physical activity can reduce blood pressure in those with high blood pressure levels. Physical activity also reduces body fatness, which is associated with high blood pressure.

Noninsulin-Dependent Diabetes. By reducing body fatness, physical activity can help to prevent and control this type of diabetes.

Obesity. Physical activity helps to reduce body fat by building or preserving muscle mass and improving the body’s ability to use calories. When physical activity is combined with proper nutrition, it can help control weight and prevent obesity, a major risk factor for many diseases.

Back Pain. By increasing muscle strength and endurance and improving flexibility and posture, regular exercise helps to prevent back pain.

Osteoporosis. Regular weight-bearing exercise promotes bone formation and may prevent many forms of bone loss associated with aging.

Psychological Effects. Regular physical activity can improve your mood and the way you feel about yourself. Researchers also have found that exercise is likely to reduce depression and anxiety and help you to better manage stress.

Millions of Americans suffer from illnesses that can be prevented or improved through regular physical activity. http://www.nutristrategy.com/health.htm

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InSpirit Health and vWellness Magazine

Do you have an “ I’m a Survivor” story to share.or

Would You like to Advertise your business, Product or Churchor

Would you like to post an upcoming event on our Calander pageor

Perhaps you have a suggestion for an article or a question you would like us to address in an upcoming issue.

Please Contact us if you do..

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Your support is appreciated. To all of our wonderful InSpirit Magazine Advertisers!!! We,

the staff, want to take a moment to say a big THANK YOU!!!!

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Inspirit Magazine was created under the di-rection of KaVaciea Enterprises. We wanted to create an avenue for people to focus on their total well being. So many people are desiring to make positive changes in their lifestyles and need motivation and support. It is our hope and desire that you will find some of that as you flip thru the pages of the magazine. The definition of Inspirit is “to instill courage or life into” in our quest to do just that..........We Present to you ... Inspirit Magazine.

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Mission Statement

To provide quality and innovative products and services that will promote a positive self image, healthy lifestyle and increase

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InSpirit Health and Wellness Magazine Nov 2012