8/7/2019 Inside Rp Bunker Part Two

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INSIDE RUPERT MURDOCKʼS SECRET BUNKER- Part Two When last we left Glenn, he was on the floor. Queen Sarah encouraging, “Man up youimpotent, limp weakling! Stop trying to hide under my skirt,”

“Shut up and sit!” Murdock grated. Beck clamored into his chair. “The push for a returnto the gold standard is right on schedule, thanks to Ron Paul. Gold sales will gothrough the roof. The rubes will be lining up around the block. With PROJECTALCHEMY, we can cash in on a new demographic. The rabble who canʼt afford to buyreal gold. For them we have, THE BECKELSTILTSKIN, a do it yourself turn lead intogold kit!” From deep within the padding of his Zero Gravity Recliner Murdock produceda remote, and pushed a button. A screen lowered whisper soft. Murdock swiveled andleered at the trio. “Get a load of this.”

A montage of explosions and violent images flashed on the screen. A resonant baritonevoice, underscored by a single ominous note warned, “These are uncertain times.”

Beck thought the voice sounded familiar. “ An exploding deficit. Plummeting homevalues. Terrorists invading our borders.” Corresponding text splashed over the images.“Rampant spending on social programs.” The cold but melodious voice continued overfootage Beck recognized from “Girls Gone Wild.” The image of a mushroom shapedcloud froze on the screen. “Creeping socialism threatening to destroy our very way oflife. You need an investment you can count on.”

The music changed abruptly to a bright melody, and the frightening images replaced bycascading gold coins and stacks of gold bars. The voice, now with a rich warmth,continued. “Gold! First birthday gift to the baby Jesus. Coveted by man since the"sincethe dawn of time. Lust for gold has driven expansion and caused the slaughter of

countless lives.”

The voice sounded a lot like Chris Messersmith, Glenn realized. How did they get him?Heʼs so liberal, heʼs left handed.

“Gold is the perfect investment. The value of gold has never dropped to zero.” Theversatile voice reminded. If you have always wanted to own gold but couldn't afford it.Now you can. After a study of the ancient art of alchemy we have discovered how toturn lead into gold. Now you can too. Master the art of lead into gold transubstantiationin just three easy lessons with THE BECKELSTILTSKIN. A treasure chest made ofcardboard fills the screen, order information over, THE BECKELSTILTSKIN in sparkling

gold. “You get everything you need for the special low price of $999.95. Send cash onlyfor a lesson you wonʼt forget. No checks or credit card will be accepted for this specialpromotion. All purchasers will be required to sign a non-disclosure agreement. Send toPO Box 666....” Murdock pushed another button and the screen went dark.

After a moment of stunned silence Palin asked, “How does it work?”

“It doesnʼt.” Murdock croaked.

8/7/2019 Inside Rp Bunker Part Two

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“Is this legal?” Glenn queried.

There was a cruel glint in Murdockʼs eye. “Whoʼs going to admit they were stupid, andgreedy enough to buy it.” His gaze fell on Limbaugh, who coughed uncomfortably. “As

the law clearly states,ʻErgo facto frito bandito.” 

With a hum of electric motors Murdockʼs Zero Gravity Recliner Throne pivoted andlowered into full recline position. The pneumatic wheeze of the deep tissue massageoption signaled the audience was over.

Could this be true? Is it possible Murdock and his malicious minions could be socorrupt and greedy? I donʼt know. Iʼm just asking questions here. Is it possible? I hopenot, but I fear it is. Weʼll just have to be on the lookout for the spot.