influencing skills

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Influencing skills Alan Barker Kairos Training Limited

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A set of slides summarizing my approach to influencing skills as a trainer and coach. Sources of the main ideas are given.

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Page 1: Influencing skills

Influencing skillsAlan Barker

Kairos Training Limited

Page 2: Influencing skills

These slides represent some of the supporting material from a training session.

Information on the slides may therefore be incomplete.

Page 3: Influencing skills

What’s the difference?

Influencing: using behaviour to change someone else’s behaviour

Persuading: convincing, arguing, appealing to rationality

Maybe! The distinction is not absolute.

Page 4: Influencing skills

Influencing works by acting on the unconscious.

We are less likely to be influenced if we notice that we are being influenced.

Do you agree?

Page 5: Influencing skills
Page 6: Influencing skills

Do we communicate what we intend?

What’s the context?

A one-way street

What does it all mean?

Page 7: Influencing skills

Whatever we understand has been communicated – whether it was intended or not.

Page 8: Influencing skills

There is a paradox in communicating.

I cannot expect you to understand everything I tell you;

and I cannot expect you to understand

only what I tell you.

[with thanks to Patrick Bouvard]

Page 9: Influencing skills

Finnish Professor of human communication.

He is best known for a set of humorous maxims about how communication in organizations goes wrong.

They illustrate some of the problems of using the Shannon-Weaver transmission model.

Page 10: Influencing skills

Communication usually fails, except by accident.

If communication can fail, it will fail.

If communication cannot fail, it still usually fails.

If communication seems to succeed in the way you intend – someone’s misunderstood.

Page 11: Influencing skills

If you are content with your message, communication is certainly failing.

If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes the damage.

There is always someone who knows better than you what your message means.

The more we communicate, the more communication fails.

Page 12: Influencing skills

Understanding is pattern-matching.

Page 13: Influencing skills

Continuous

Complicated

Contextual

Page 14: Influencing skills

We cannot not communicate.

[Paul Watzlawick, Mental Research Institute, Palo Alto, California]

Page 15: Influencing skills

Relationship

Information

Action

Page 16: Influencing skills
Page 17: Influencing skills
Page 18: Influencing skills

ReciprocityAssimilationScarcityConsistencyAuthorityLiking Robert Cialdini

Page 19: Influencing skills
Page 20: Influencing skills

Based on two variables

Status

Emotional disclosure

Page 21: Influencing skills
Page 22: Influencing skills

Our social position

Assessed on a simple sliding scale: low to high

Always relative

Always provisional: time; situation; people

Gained behaviourally from other people

Page 23: Influencing skills
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Statements of fact, making speeches Statements about objectives Demands for agreement on specifics Demands for commitment Expressions of opinion

Page 26: Influencing skills

Asking about values and principles Questions about needs and objectives Probing for feelings and perceptions Asking for explanations and examples Listening and following up

Page 27: Influencing skills
Page 28: Influencing skills

Rapport could be defined as the process of levelling status.

Page 29: Influencing skills

The mirroring system, which allows us, to some extent, to share the experiences of others

The mentalizing system, which allows us to make predictions about people's actions on the basis of their mental states

[Chris Frith]

Page 30: Influencing skills

1. Copy the other person’s body language.

2. Make no more than two statements before you ask a question.

3. Ask three questions – but no more till you have done the next two things.

Page 31: Influencing skills

4. Find something from what you have just learnt to pay a subtle and relevant compliment about.

5. Find something in what you have found out to agree with.

6. Repeat steps 1-5 until the conversation takes on a life of its own.

Page 32: Influencing skills

They provoke motion without thinking

Page 33: Influencing skills

Anger Happiness Disgust Surprise Sadness Fear

Page 34: Influencing skills

task relationship

Page 35: Influencing skills

Simon Baron-Cohen

Page 36: Influencing skills

‘Push’‘Pull’

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 37: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 38: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’

The Control Specialist

•Just do it!•Wants to know what and when•Likes to take charge

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 39: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 40: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’

The Technique Specialist

•Do it right or not at all!•Wants to know how•Likes to plan

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 41: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 42: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 43: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’The Support Specialist

•We’re great!•Wants to know who and why•Likes cooperation and loyalty

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 44: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 45: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’The Social Specialist

•Let’s all do it!•Wants to know who else•Likes energy and optimism

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 46: Influencing skills

Expressive

Analytical

Driver

Amiable

‘Push’‘Pull’

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

Page 47: Influencing skills

Task (less responsive)

Relationship (more responsive)

‘Pull’ ‘Push’

Analytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

Finish Implement

Inspire

Market

InvestigateSupport

Liaise

Appraise

Page 48: Influencing skills

Adaptability!

Page 49: Influencing skills

Are they more assertive and fast-paced or less assertive and slower-paced?

Are they less responsive and task-oriented or more responsive and people-oriented?

Page 50: Influencing skills

What is your least preferred style?

What situations at work require you to use this style?

What could you do (or stop doing) to increase your competence in this style?

Page 51: Influencing skills

For more information:

Page 52: Influencing skills

Thank you!Alan Barker

Kairos Training Limited

www.kairostraining.co.uk