in the memory of a loving person

7/29/2019 In the memory of a loving person.

1/19

October,2011.

Mostreveredladyinthefamily;alaswelostheron27th

Feb,2012.

Inthememoryofmylifepartner.Forallthosetimesyoustoodbyme.

MadlyIwascalling,hereandthere,inthehousewhichwasahomefromthedayyouleftmealone.

wherearethough,Iaminsearchofyou,butcannotfindyou,comeoutofyour hiding;youalways

attendedtomeatthefistcall;whathappenedtoday,nomoreteasing please;pleasecomeout,Iwant

toseeyou.Enoughisenough;unabletohearcallingmeback,thenrealizing,sheisgone.Sheisgone;so

soon? Thiswasthetimenowforyoutoenjoythelifeinabigfamily,whereyouwerereveredmost,and

respected.Wetriedtoprovideeveryfacilityrequired.YouryoungersonSajidwasalloutforyouatyour

service,neverfailedinprovidingsufficientstockofmedicinesyourequire. YoureldestsonMr.Ahmed,

onwhomyoutrustedmostaboutyourtreatment,tookwellcareofyou.Whydidthen,youturnedyour

faceaway.Youwerecompromisingandalwaysignoredsomeofourfailings,butwehaveneverseen

youbecomingangrytosuchanextent,youleftuspermanently.Isthisisafriendship?Toleavethe


2/19

partneratthetimeofneed.Manyfamilyfunctionswereahead,stillrequiringyourpresenceforthe

prayersandpatronship.

Youknewverywellthatmarriagesofyourbelovedgrandchildrenwereaheadsoonerorlater;youdid

notwaitforit.Wasthismoreessentialtohaveeternalrestthantobeherewithus?

Iearnestlydesiredsomeoneshouldsay;Nothisisnottrue.I,myheartmysixsenseswanttohear,thisis

nottrue;andsaysheissleeping,nottobedisturbed; shewouldawakesoon.Butmyloveisgone

withoutsayingasingleword,exceptgesturingapartingkiss.Thisgesturewasagainsthernature,she

alwaysremainedshy.Thisgesturesurprisedmeandwarnedmethatsheknowssheisgoingotherwiseit

wasnotpossiblegesturinglikethis;shehadneverdonesobefore,eveninprivacy.AlasIcouldnotgivea

farewellkisstoapersonwhohadcaredmesomuchandhadwonmyheartandsoul.Shebecamea

queentorulemywholeestate;wehaveburiedherwithourownhands,nevertoreturnandneverto

seeheragain;somiserablymissingmybelovedwife.SheleftmeonlytwentydaysafterwhenIwrotea

shortlifestory,thatwestartedlifetomakeavivacioushome,anewhome,wedidnothaveearlier.She

leftmeaggrievedwithrollingtearsonmycheeks;shecouldneverwanttoseeinherlifetime.

IwashospitalizedinNovember,2007foropenheartsurgery,Sheseldomvisitedme,becauseshecould

notseemeinthatsituation.Sheremainedathome,busysayingprayers. Icamebackwith,heart

refurbished,withhighspiritstomyhomewithinaweek;becauseIknewsomeoneawaitsmeeagerly.

WithGodsconsentIwantedtoliveformyfamilyingeneralandmylovingshywifeinparticular.

Onmysafearrivalhome,mychildrenshoweredflowers,butoutofshynessshecouldnotdothat.But

afterIcametomyroom,Icherishthecareandlovesheshoweredonme.Shetriedtogivemecomfort

toforgetmiserabletimeIspentinHospital.Thisactofhermademegratifiedandherrespectand

staturewasincreasedinmyeyes.Ihadseenhertakingextradutiesthanthenormal.Myheartpains

whenIremember

of

her

gestures

and

services

to

me.

ButwhoknewthatwhensheherselfwillbeadmittedinHospital,shewillneverreturntoletmepay

backthatgreatamountofdebtofloveandaffectionwhichsheshowedtomethen.Maybesheknew

myinabilitytoperformthatway.

WetookyoutoPOFHospital,feelingdifficultyinbreathing.Thishadhappenedmanytimesearlier,and

fewpuffsofinhalerswouldhavestabilized.Thiswasthesamecondition.Doctorswerealsonotofthat

opinionofanyseriousnessatfirstsight.Butonthemorningof23rd

Feb,onperformingtests,some

seriousalarmsrangandPOFdoctorsadvisedtotakeyoutoAFICimmediately.Iaccompaniedyouto

AFIC,nevernewtocomebackalonewithoutyou.Yousaidtometoforgive anymistakeorbaddealing

orhandlingstowardsme,andjoking,Isaid,ok;Iforgive,andaskedyoutoreciprocate,whichyoualso

smilinglysaidso.Iforgive.Hadweknownthatyouhavebecomesoseriousinanyannoyance,weall

wouldhavegatheredaroundyoutoplease,andaskforforgiveness.Youryoungestsonalways

succeededtomakeyouagreewithhim.Thishadhappenedmanytimes,yourefusedtoaccompany

someouting,butSajidalwaysgotyoutoconsent.Andafteryousayyes;awaveofhappinesswould

havebeenbeckoned,makingeverybodyhappyandjoyful.


3/19

Butthistimenothingworked,Doctorsfailed,Wefailedandsheleftallofuswailingandweeping,who

gatheredatArmedForcesInstituteofCardiology,onweehoursof27th

Feb,2012,at0730hours,the

sametimeherbeloveddaughter;Dr.ShaziaZafar;aconstantprideforher,landedattheIslamabad

Airportalongthegrandson,anotherprideforher.DrShaziaaskedmeonphonetowaitforherarrival;

withtearsinmyeyes,Isaidtoherpleaseaskthistoyourmother,Idonotknowbutyes;shekept

waitingand

delayed

her

flight

to

heaven

;she

being

in

coma

and

waited

to

arrive

her

dearest

daughter

andGrandson.AssoonasDr.ShaziaandHammadlanded,thesametime,hersoulgotwingstotakeoff

toherpermanentabode.Wasthisacoincidence?

MyeldersonMr.AhmedhadtoldMr.Khalidyoungertohim,totakespecialaccountofthisandmay

notethetimingsofDeparturetoHeavenandtheArrivaloftheplaneinwhichhertwooffspringare

travellingandthishappenedexactlyasMr.Ahmedtoldtohisbrother.Thisisnotacoincidence;thisisa

willofGod.

LuckilyherlovingsonKhalidreachedalonghiswifeSairafromKuwait,besidesmytellingthatsheis

doingwell,andInshaAllah,Godwilling,shewouldbebacktohome.Ialsomailedthemapicturesoas

thosemayfeelcomfortablethattheirmotherisnotthatill.Butsomeintuitionalpowercompelledthem

totravel,Sairahadsometerrificdreamabouthermotherinlaw,whichcaredandlovedSairavery

much.Whentheyreached,shewasinsomesensesandshowedagestureoflovebyraisingherhandto

touchtheirheads,amarkofshowinglovebyelders.Afterfewminutessheregainedconsciousnessand

enquiredthathadKhalidandSairabeenservedwithfood?Theyhadtravelledalongway.Evenshewas

ondeathbedstillshewasnotlackingherdutyofelderlycareforheradultsonswhoarethemselves

grownupsandfathersnow.

Allournearanddearonesfeltuneasefewdaysbefore,somesortofunknownfeardevelopedandmany

ofusdreamedterrific.Hammadhergrandchildwasupset,sowereotherpeople.Mybrother

MohammadAfzal

rang

me

one

morning

to

enquire

is

everything

OK.

Similarly

all

the

grandchildren

were

uneasy.Ilostmysleepamonthearlier,withstrangefeelings;somethingisgoingtohappen.Andit

happened;mybestpartofhalfisgone.Iamunabletoexpressmydeepfeelingsofsorrowandgrief.

ShewasatotallymadeforallofusandIafraidsuchexamplesofsacrificeandloveforthechildrenmight

neverbewitnessedagain.

2012,theyear,whenIcalculatedtobemylastlivingyear;onthebasisofaveragelife;butnever

thought;myfaithfullifepartnerwillleavemeearlierthanme.Virtuallythisisalsomylastyearoflively

living;withoutmydearestwhosharedmyjoys,mysorrows,mysecrets,mythoughts,nobodyelsecan

share.

The

life

that

becomes

to

a

standstill

is

also

equivalent

to

a

dead

end;

it

is

why

for

me

everything

is

changedcompletely,andwhenIsaymylastyearoflivingisnotthatwrong.


4/19

LastdaysshespentcomfortablyinthePOFHospital.23rd

Feb,2012.

Onlyfewdaysearlier,weweresittinginthelawnanddiscussingaboutthepurchaseofflowering

nurserytobeplantedinnewlypaintedpots. Thepotswerepaintedgreyandsheaskedtobechanged

toredtolookbetter,whichwasdoneaccordingly.ShealsowantedplantingaNiazboorTulsiplantfor

thesummer

to

make

abasil

chattni,

because

this

also

has

healing

properties.

The

plants

were

purchased

andarefloweringbutwhoknewthatonlyafterfewdays,someofthesamehavetobetransplantedon

her,andtheneighboringgraves.Thosearealsonowflowering.TheyoungestsonDr.Sajidhasdeputed

Malitogethergravefreshwithflowers.Ismellthesamebodyscentwhichsheleftbehindintheshape

ofhersonsandgrandchildren.Sheleftbehindformetotakepride,thereputeandflavoratacostof

heavyandsadfeelings.


5/19

Lawnofherhousewithflowersshelikedmost.

Fewdaysearlier,shewasingoodspirits,wenttolocalmarketwithhereldestsonandgranddaughters,

selectedclothforhersummerclothingandgavespecialinstructionstothefamilytailor,whoknewthe

choiceofthelady;theheadofalargefamily.Wecollectedthosewhichwerestitchednicely,butthose

clothingcouldnotgethonortobewornonthebodywhichwaspiouslyspotless. Theseclotheswere

takenbyheryoungerdaughter,residinginUSasasouvenir.Onecanimaginethedepthofpainand

sufferingduetounexpectedpartingpermanentlyofthepersonsolovedanddesirabletoremainwith

us.

On5th

of

February,

we

went

to

Islamabad

for

along

drive,

went

to

Fatima

Jinnah

Park

in

F9.

We

spent

happymomentswithouryounggranddaughtersandsawthemplayingandlaughing.Thatsunnyday

wasabeautifuldaybecauseshewaswithus.WehadafinallunchwithheratHotel.Shehadstopped

takingpoultryitems;insteadshelikedonlymutton,onthepretexttobecleanerandhilal.Shewasvery

carefulaboutthefoodandwouldnottake,ifshehadevenslightestdoubtofbeingnotinorder.


6/19

Theliferevolvedaroundher,shewasacentreofgravityofallthefamily.Herpresenceamongus,used

togiveusunseenstrengthandpleasure;andasenseofprotectionasshewasveryparticularaboutthe

safetyofherchildren.Sheremainedvigilantallthetimeskeepingeyesonthechildren,whiletheir

mothersremainedsatisfiedandenjoyedthecompanyoftheirpartners.Whoknew?Sheisonthepath,

leadingtoheaven,andonlyaftertwentytwodayssheleftuswailingandcrying.Herearefew

photographstaken

on

that

sunny

day.

Granddaughtersplayingon5th

Feb,wemadelastholidaywiththeir

Grandmother


7/19

LastPhotographofahappycoupleon5th

Feb,Neverknewshewillleaveus

permanentlyon27th

ofFeb,

Oneday,outofherhumoroussensesheaskedmeastrangequestion.Iamasimplewoman,

throughoutmylifeIhadneverbeeninanymakeuporgonetobeautyparlors.Ihaveneverbeenchoosy

aboutultramoderndressings.YouareaqualifiedandeducatedEngineer.YouownanIndustryanda

richman.Whyareyoustickingwithme;youcangetbeautifulwomen;whyMe.?Ilistenedwithcalm

andmadesomejokes,thensuddenlythisjokesaddenedme;shecouldfeelandsensedit.Shefeltsorry

andembarrassed.

Itold

her

Iam

shocked,

why

she

thought

on

thee

lines.

Ilove

you

from

the

cores

of

myheart. IamanEngineer;whomademe?IfIamrichasyousaidthoughIamnot,whoisresponsible

forit?Andourdiscussionwasinterruptedbyarrivalofsomeguests,butnevertobementionedany

more.Ididloveherbecauseofherhumanlovingnatureandgenerosity.Everypartofmybodyis

indebtedtoher,Ididnotknowthen.Imissherbecauseshewasagreatperson.Shewasawhole

sincere,sacrificing,loving,kind,compromising,generous,precise,sparkling,andGodfearing.


8/19

Hernatureofkindnessandsympatheticattitudeisverywellillustratedwhenmyelderbrother,whowas

sickforthelastmanyyears,becamecriticallyillinlastJune.Heneededcare,goodfoodandacoolplace

inscorchinghotweatherofJune.Intheareahelived,hadheavyloadsheddingandremainedwithout

electricityforhours.Simpleelectricfansremainedoff;lifebecamemiserableforanoldandsickperson.

Sohewastakentoourhome,theareahavingminimumloadshedding.Wesharedourbed.Mywifehad

tosleep

in

other

room.

We

always

shared

same

bed.

She

along

with

her

daughter

in

law

had

to

take

specialcareandextradutytolookafteracoughingpatientintheirhome.Nutrientfoodwithoutoilhad

tobecookedwellforeverymealserving;donevoluntarilywithoutaniotaofshowingdispleasure,

troubleorprotest.Mywifewouldhavebeenright,ifsaid;hehassons,daughterinlawandawife,why

cannotthosetakecareofyourbrotherinhisownhome,butoutofherhumanandkindnature,she

neversaidthat.Myailingbrotherremainedwithmeforamonthtillherecoveredandstartedgoingto

bathroomhimself.Theserviceandnursingdonebymysweetheartthefaithfulwifetomyelder

brother,wasremarkableandbeyondhisduties.Suchexamplesarehardlyshallbefoundinthis

materialistword.Iremainedgratefulformywifeandmydaughterinlaw.

EarlyDaysofthecouplestrugglinghardforlayingfoundationstonesfortheir

futureprogenies.1980.

Ienjoyedfully,mywholepartofthelifespentwithher,momentbymoment.Fromthesametimeher

parentsgaveherhandtomeinearly1960,withoutknowingmuchofeachother.


9/19

Asalreadysaid,Iwasfortunateoraplayofmereserendipitythatmylifepartnerprovedtobea

verycontentedandpiouswoman,generous,agoodandkindhosttomyrelativeswhousually

visitedus.Mytwohalfbrothersandbrotherinlawremainedwithmetilltheycompletedtheir

education,butmywifenevergrumbledorshowedanyirritationorexasperationandwe

enjoyed

life

in

all

the

circumstances.

We

did

not

have

good

provisions

or

fashionable

clothing,

yetwewerehappy.

Ikeptongoingonmyownwayandavailingmyfadorhobbies,withoutmuchdisruptionfrom

mywife,exceptonce,Iremember,whensheprotested,Ipaidacostequaltoaboutonethirdof

mypayforbooksandjournals.

Iadmit,Icouldhavenevergotauniversityeducationwithoutthecompletesupportand

backing,asshestoodbyme,throughthickandthin.Shecompromisedontheease,comfort

andfacilities,whichsheenjoyedatherleasedhouse,atWahCantt,comparedtoafaroff

villagewithoutelectricpower,whereshehadtomovewithfoursmallchildren.Isawher

strugglingwithmevaliantlybutgraciouslyinmakingahousetoahomefullofcomfortformeandfor

ourchildren

Shewashelpingtoneedy,andobedient.Shewastheonlyone,madelikeofherown,submissiveandat

mysidealways,inanycircumstance.

Shewasmadeforwholeofherfamilyandsheneverfailedinperformingherduties.Butwhenwewere

aloneinourroom,thepartofherlovetothefamily,sheusedtowrapupthatpartandkeptsafely

somewhereinadrawerofherheart;butthepartofloveformeshekeptseparatelyandsecretly.She

neveropenlyconfessed,andneversaid,Iloveyou;butshewasalloutforme.Itlooked;shebelievedin

that,actions

speak

louder

than

words.

She

had

always

pleased

to

provide

me

comfort

and

ease.

Iam

personallyhurtgreatlyandmiserablytoremembersacrificinghersentimentsforthesakeofconsoling

andsoothingmeatthecostofherailinghealth.Shetookeverystep,Irepeattokeepmehappyand

pleased.Shealwaysstoodbyme,wheneverIbecamethevictimofoverworkorbusinesstensions,

advisingtorelax.Itseemedtobe,hersixthsensewasalwayson,andwithoutaskinganythingshecould

understandmyrequirementorobligation,thisalwayssurprisedmebutIneverexpressedtoherthis

qualityopenlyandneveraskedhowshecouldassesswhatIaminneedof?.SometimeswhenshesaidI

donotcare,buthereyestelladifferentstory.Ismiledthenandpaidherinthesamecoinsofloveand

affection.

She

became

worried,

when

I

remained

busy

late

at

nights,

at

the

cost

of

my

health.

She

served

me

with

hottea,thoughsheherselfwasaheartpatient:sheoverlookedmystrongprotestsandwarningstobe

careful.Nothingcouldstopherdoingmefavorsofallsorts.

Shefeltlotofmoralanxiety,whenshewasunabletodohisselfassignedduties;andtheconcernadded

whenItriedtoserveherbecauseofherillness,butalwaysfailed.Ihadtoconsoleherandfeltsosorry

andembarrassedwheneverIwantedtokeepherinpeacethatIamquitehappyandsatisfied.Sheused

tonodherheadbutevidentlywithsuperficialsatisfaction,butfeltmyagonyandlimitations.


10/19

Occasionallyweusedtogoforoutingoronlongdrivesandsucheventswouldbetoreleasetensions

andanalibiforgeneralmeetingofabigfamilytocreateloveamongallandtoforgetthebadmemories

duetoilltreatmentsometimeshumannatureinducestodowithcolleaguesorwithinmembersof joint

familylivingstogether.DuringsuchavisittoKhanpurdamresthouse,allofthefamilywasingood

moodandenjoyedeverymoment.Mynaughtygrandchildrenconspiredtogetapictureoftheirseniors

whichmight

be

aunique.

Ido

not

know

whose

idea

was

but

they

succeeded

to

get

this

picture.

Shynessofapiousandsincerewife.Mynaughtygrandchildren,whoknewthenatureof

Grandma,wantedtobeamused.Thispicturewasmadeonstrongrequestofallthose.

Herabove

gesture

is

evident

and

shows

that

she

remained

shy

even,

when

we

are

at

this

old

age.

She

nevergotamakeupandourchildrenjoyfullyteasedusattimes.WhenevershelearnedIamcoming

home,sheusedtoputherthopattaonherhead;thisactionofheramusedmygrandchildren.Those

wereveryhappymomentsatKhanpurresthouse,andunderthedirectionofallnaughtycousins,andto

pleasethoseall,wepreparedtobephotographed,thoughshewasnotinthatgoodhealth.Butthose

memoriesnowhurtmeandmyheartpains.NotthatIlostmylovingwifetowhomIrevered,butwelost

apersonmostcaring,andwatchfulaboutthesafetyofallofthekids.Shewasmytrustworthyand

honorablecompanion.

Suchmomentsofoutingjointlywithjoyswillbecomingmoreandmore,butthehappytimespassed

withnearanddearwhohadleftus,willnomore giveusjoyandhappiness.Insuch,onejuncture,our

belovedsoninlawLateSajjadAhmedSiddique,whoexpiredlastJanuary,isseeninthefollowing

picture.


11/19

Whoknew?Thebothbelovedsoninlawandmotherinlawwould,whohavegreatrespectforeach

other,willhaveanabodetoheavenwithashortdifferenceoftime.Thosememories,engulfsallofus

withadarkshadowofsorrowandgrief.

CentreofGravityofalargeFamily.WithherSons,sonsinLaws,daughtersand

daughtersinlaw.And grandchildren.

Shehadabigfamily,allthefoursonsmarriedandhavingchildren.Thereweretidesunderthewater

lookedapparently,untroubled.Whenevershewashurtbythemischievous,malignorplayfulbehavior

ofsomeone,shekepttoherselfandremainedcomposed.Ihaveseldomfoundheryellingorshouting;

yesprofusetearsdidflowonhercheeks.Butdidnotmakeanyprotestorcomplained.Shelikedmost

herchildrenplayingandmakingfun.Thispictureshelikedmostwhereallofhergrandchildrenare

makingmerry,unawareofthatwhatthefateistobringforthem.

Afterherdeath,Ihesitatedtoopenherwardrobe,gatheringsomecourage,Ididitandobservedher

suitingfinelypressedandhangedproperly.Itouchedeachtohavefeltofthebodyofmylovingwife,

whoworethese:shewasingoodhealththen.Ivisualizedherstandingbeforemeindifferentsuitinglike

aphotogallery.Iwantedmyselftoforgeteverything,andIrealizedthenwhysomepeoplebecome

insaneandharmthemselvesinsuchsituations.Iclosedthewardrobeandturnedmyfaceaway.I


12/19

gatheredsomemorecourageandagainopenedittoseeitasalasttime,herotherarticlesofuse,boxes

ofunconsumedmedicines,shoes,hairclips,hairbrush,apacketofblackcolor,nailcutters,handbags,

halfconsumedherfavoriteperfume,caughtmysightand,calledherloudly,grumbleandshouted,What

isthisfortoyouleftallthis.MyyoungestdaughterinlawwifeofDr.Sajidoverheardandtoldher

husband,whocamerunning,foundmeandwrappedmeinhisarmsverywarmly,carefully,and

helplessly.We

both

have

tears,

her

very

sensitive

wife

kept

away

wisely

lest

she

also

is

not

be

thrown

herselfinthosetorrentialwavesofgriefandsorrow.

Amongthoseobjects,Ialsofoundmyselftobeleftbehindlikealifelessarticle,shecaredmost.Better

alltheseobjectsshouldhavebeentakenandthrownaway,includingmyself.AttheendofwardrobeI

foundasmalluniformverywellpressedandpreserved.Thisisthefirstuniformofhergranddaughter,

Nawalwhohasturnedtofifteenyears.Thisuniform,shekeptintactforabouttwelveyears,aftershe

leftforUSA.Theobjectsofcommemorationlikethose,shewantedtokeepforeverychild,butshe

preferredtolettheirmotherstakecareof,asallthosewerehereinPakistan.Butsheneverforgotto

keepwithherthephotographsofallherchildren,whicharefoundafterwards.

Wefoundfewgramsofgoldornaments,sheusedonlyonfunctions.Ifshehaddesired,shecouldhave

purchasedandcollectedgoldinthousandsgrams,butprobablyshethoughtitunnecessary,oroutofher

mostcompromisingnatureshemighthavenotdemandedatall.Maybethiswouldhavebeenher

desire;thegoldisalwaysweaknessofwomen,butshenevereverexpressedthis.Shewasdownto

earthinnature.

IntheHospital,aslongassheremainedconsciousandawake,wehadtoassureher,thateveryAyahof

Hospitalhasbeengivenduetip,eventothosewhotouchedherbed,orpulled herwheelchair.She

wouldhavedislikedandfoundagainsthernatureifwewouldhavefailedinthataction.Myeldestson

knewherhabitverywellandexhibitedthispurposefullybeforehismother,bygivingsomecashto

Ayahs,so

as

the

mother

is

satisfied

that

the

standards

set

by

her,

are

being

very

well

observed

.


13/19

Thehappyprogeniessheleftbehind.Thiswasthetimewhentheymadeusto

yieldtobephotographed,offeringmyselfaredrosetomybelovedlady.


14/19

UniformofherGranddaughterkeptfortwelveyears,byherlovingGrandmom,

withouttheknowledgeofnowgrownupNawal,livinginUSA.Thisuniformfound

inherwardrobeafterherdeath.

Shewasareligiouslady;sayingprayersalsofortheprotectionandwellbeingofallhisprogenies.Her

favoriteTVChannelwasliveSaudiChannel,whererecitationsfromQuranwereconstantlyrelayed.But

assoonweenteredthehousesheusedtosurrenderherwillandhandovertheremoteforshorttimefor

ustoupdatethelatestnews.

Aftershe

left

us,

the

whole

episode

runs

in

to

my

mind

like

afilm

that

she

dreamed

to

have

ahome,

sweethome.Ittakeslotoftimetobuildahouseandevenmoretoturnittohome,whichshemadeit

withhardlaborandpassion,thehomewhereentrycouldneverbedenied.Ownfamiliarkitchen,mugof

hotcoffee,relax,love,care,sacrifice,emotions,understanding,forgiveness,compromises,watching

movie,readingbooks,escapethedarknesswithlovedones,feeltheprotectionandshelterinthunder

stormsandtorrentialrains,Urgetocomebackafteradventuresoutside.Moonlightemerging,being

sievedfromopenings,sleeps,andawake.Thefirstraysofthesun,exclusivelyown,nobodycanshare.

Homewhereheartslaughandtearsdrystealthilyoncheeks.Homewheresoftsobbingofchildren

emerges,whendeniedthepurchaseoftheirfavoritetoys,andsometime,whenmildlypunishedover

somemisbehavingtoelderbrotherssisters.

Itisthehomewherenewlywedstartstheirlifewithhope,happiness,andheightenedsentimentsto

sharefirstnightsonnewlydecoratedbeds. Whenallthebrothers,sisters,friends.Parents,near

relatives,allmakingmerryandhallagullatocelebratesuchoccasions.Prayersofferedforthesafetyand

wellbeingforthepairandhopingtobecomepartandbeabsorbedassoonaspossible;thehome,sweet

home


15/19

Werememberinthewinterthepleasureofwarmthofquilts,wereenjoyedinthebeds,busyconsuming

favoritenutsanddryfruitalongthecongenialpartner. Forthehealthofthefamilyingeneralandmine

inparticularsheusedtomaketabletsorballsofflaxseed,believedtohavenutrientsandOmega3.

Thisrequiredlotofefforts,startingfromthepurchaseofflaxseeds,separatingitfromsmalldebrisand

stonestogrindingandfryinginacaramelsugar.Shefelthappytodothisserviceforothersbecauseshe

seldomwill

take

herself.

When

she

felt

making

it

difficult

she

then

asked

her

daughter,

Zakia

Asmat,

residingatRawalpinditodothisdutyforherfather.

Zakiathenvoluntarilyandhappilyconsignedthoseforme.Thiswasusualthataftereverymorningwalk

Iwasservedwith,onetabletofflaxseedswithhottea.Thispracticeremainedtillhisdepartureandthe

pictureofthese,istakenforrecords,whichwerepreparedwithloveandaffectionwhichshehad

embeddeddeepinhertowardsherfamily.Thisisthelastconsignmentleftmadebyherhand.

TabletsofFlaxseeds,believedtobehavingOmega3,fiberandlignans

Shebelievedandmadethehomewhere;burstofwildlaughtercanbefashionedinitsownways,

making

jokes

or

satires.

Home

where

warmth

and

sweetnesss

of

comfort

can

be

sensed

and

felt.

Thisisahomefromwheresoundofflutesandbeatingofdrumsisheardwhenmarriagesofoffsprings

takesplace,eldersgivehandsoftheirwellcared,groomedandsocializeddaughters intothehandsof

unfamiliarpeople.Theirfeelingsmixedwithjoyandsorrow.Itlooksthatallcolorsandilluminationof

theuniversehaslandedinthehousewheremarriagestakeplace.Everybody,smallandbig,girlsand

boysdressedupintheirbestsuiting,enjoythefeastsandabundantsuppliesofdeliciousfoods.Thejoy

ofelderisthenonthepeakandcouldbefeltthroughtheireyes,thissceneisaworthobserving. The


16/19

marriageoffoursons,threedaughtersandtwogranddaughtershadbeenarrangedfrom1981to2011.

Webothsharedthisjoy,butrecentmarriageofourbelovedgranddaughter,wholostherdearfather

lastyear,wasremarkable. Wefeltmixedsentimentsofjoyandsorrow.Oureyeskeptwet,which

providedusfulltimecompanytous;thankstooureyes.Tiredandsufferedthenervousnessand

apprehensions toremaineverythingsmoothandallrighttilltheendoffunction,wefellonourbedthat

nightwithout

saying

asingle

word

except

thanking

All

Mighty.

We

both

were

overjoyed

and

satisfied.

Werememberthepleasantfeelingsanddelightofnewarrivals,thelatesttoDr.Sajid,whenhewas

bestowedwithabeautifulbabygirl,hearingtheirfirstcries.Thefeelingsofhappiness;motherandchild

aresafecominghomealongnewlyborn,wrappedinsoftblankets,answeringthecuriousquestionsof

toddlersthataswangooseloosenedhisgripandwecaughtthisbabysafely.Thewholehomebecoming

aliveandlively.Sweetswasdistributedandgiftsexchanged.Allthistakesplaceinahome.Bouquetis

offeredonthearrivalatthegateofahome.

Weremember;thehomefromwheresmallfeetleaveforschoolsinthemorningstoreturnin

afternoons:parentsandthengrandparentseagerlyawaittheirbelovedangels.Hotorcoldweatheror

rainydayswatchedcarefullybytheelderslesttheirsmallchildrenarenottroubled.Thiswaitingusedto

keepelderswithheightedconcernsunlesssafereturnofthetoddlers.

Wehadsharedinourhomewhereoneplayswithchildrenwithfreneticactions;someoneelsecould

watchmightthinktheparentsbecomingmad.

Home,whereonecandancealone,privatelyoverfavoritemusic,couldneverbedoneanywhereelse.

Singasonginbathrooms,comingoutofit,onlywithatowelifnobodyisaround.Home,whererainsare

enjoyedbythrowingourselvesalongthechildreninthesmallpoolswhichformed,andgettingwet

undertorrentialrains.

Springstartsandonecanlistenfavoritechirpingofsparrowsandsingingofbulbulsinopeningsof

windowAirConditioners.

TheHomehavingflowersandshockingredbougainvilleahangingonthewallsorattheGate;the

CamelliaorDaphnefloweringshrubsexhibittheirflavorsandaromainthebackyard.Wherepansy,

Cosmos,CasaBlancaLily,Silverbell,Dahlia,Gardenia,Geranium,andJasminesgrowinthepots.

Homeisaplacetodowholelot,andeverything,nowhereelsecanbedone.

Thisisthehomewheresons,daughtersstudyingorhusbandsservingabroadreturnaftertravelling

thousands

of

miles

to

celebrate

occasions

with

loved

ones.

The

wives

wait

eagerly,

cooking

best

well

spicedfoods,thearomaandflavorofwhichcanbesensedandsniffedassoonasoneentersthehome.

Husbandscominghomeafterlongtimearewelcomedwithmixedsentimentsofgettingpreciousgifts

andanimmediateandurgentprivacy,andparentskissingandhuggingtheirprogeniesandchildren.

Andthistakesalongtimetoensuesuchhappyactivitiesoflife.Awholelifeisrequiredtoturnahouse

toacomfortablehome.Howmuchhardworkandtiringhourswouldhavebeenspentbythedeceased

todoallthat.Ifeeluncomfortable,consideringhowmuchpainshewouldhavesufferedtoraisesucha


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bigfamily,butwithoututteringasimplewordofobligationorshowingdispleasure.Insteadweboth

remainedcontentedandhappy,Iprayforeverycoupletohavesuchlife.

Andunexpectedlyandsuddenlysometimesthendarkcloudsofmisfortunatehangoverandbadluckis

struckthewellsettledandsmoothgoingnormalhome. There was a time when a bad feelings and

sadness is never known, then a storm swept past, desolating, depriving and taking the wholefuture: the hopes broken and unexpected happening takes place. Some one very near is dead.

Ahelplesshusbandwatcheshismostbelovedpartnergoing.Lastdayswhileshe

wasstrugglingforlifeinAFICRawalpindi.25th

Feb,2012.

Thefranticloudcriesofwailingandweepingburstandsorrowandgriefprevailsdeeplyinthehome,

wherejoys

and

comfort

resided:

some

cherished

and

most

loved

one

departs

for

the

eternal

abode,

and

leavesthathomepermanently,nevertoreturn.Relativesgather,arrangementsaremadetodisposeof

themostlovedones,assoonaspossible.Hugenoiseofcriesemergewhen,thecoffinisliftedforburial.

Forsomeone,thensuddenly;thehometurnstoahousemadeoflifeless,mortar,bricks,woodsand

windows.Thearticlesofhomewhichlookedsolovelybeforebecomeirrelevantandextraneous.

Everythingchanges;Wallhangingsbecomeuseless,andrepeltheirattractions.Clocksstopticking.The


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bedswhichweresharedbecomebedsofthornsandspikes.Thehappymomentsturntomiseryand

woe.Theblueskywithwhiteandblackcloudswithsilverlininglosesitscolors.Therainandpleasant

weathersstarthurtinginsteadofenjoyableandpleasantfeelings.Itlookedeverythingwhichhadsome

significancebeforeisuselessandworthlessnow.Everythinglosesitsplaceitbecomesajunkofyard,a

disorderlyandirregularandanunpleasantplace. All the heap of living in to making a home is

suddenly disintegrates. Home where happiness and joy ruled becomes gloomy and depressing.

You remember, when married, and arrived at our rented house, you said what is this junk of

disarrayed books, and I quoted from a book and called Romeo, Romeo wherefore arent you and

where are you now, where have you gone; so soon...?. Where are those times gone? You left that

home

Your hand was given in to mine by your parents, now living in heaven; did those need you more than

me? Did I fail to take care of you? Did I make you angry over some unforgiving performance? Did not

I need your company? Did you give considerable thought before leaving that I was so strong to bear

it? Yes; I know you thought I could be in good hands, but did you know? How long nights of summer

would be spent alone. You know that all of my near and dears are around me consoling and condoling

and will take good care of me; but it were you and only you, who was direly needed, because youwere my trustworthy and reliable friend. You always advised me on many matters but fearing I may

not agree, so you never forcefully imposed on me, though at times I wanted that way. My purse

remained open throughout during our partnership, I wished you dare to take some money out of it

without telling me; you never rallied my desire. You are gone, but please tell me now, with what

matter you were made. I promise not to disclose, you were human but sort of a superhuman, and why

do not you confess?

You fought bravely at different frontiers, a good mother, a good grandmother, a good mother-in-law,

and good neighbor, a good mistress, a good wife; fought for eight years your failing heart, I believed

you will not succumb to it another few years, please tell me what happened? What made you to leave

Me.? I know I was not that good husband compared as a good wife you were. But not that so bad,

who could annoy you so much that you decided to leave. I am sure you never wanted to punish me

that way, and stayed with me if you could. God called you and so we are; at call, and let us now see

when we shall meet in heaven. I am sure you will welcome me with open arms, suited in sparkling

white dress of fairies; I will recognize you in whatever costume you may be. Till then take care of you

my dear and May your abode, blossoms with white roses and flowers you liked most. Amen.

Still I am unable to believe this had happened and madlyIamcalling,hereandthere,inthehouse

whichwasahomefromthedayyouleftmealone.wherearethough,Iaminsearchofyou,butcannot

findyou,comeoutofyour hiding;youalwaysattendedtomeatthefistcall;whathappenedtoday,no

moreteasing please;pleasecomeout,Iwanttoseeyou.Enoughisenough.Butacompletesilence

excepttheechoofmysubmissionsprevailsshowingnosignsoflifearound.Godblessyoumydearest

friendwhosuccessfullypartneredmewell,tilltheend.Missyousomuch,therealmeaningsofthis

phrasecould

be

realized

now.

Rightly someone said House is made of roof and beams and home is made of love

and dreams.

Becauseformehome,isnomoreahomeandhasturnedtoahouseandIpraytobearthismisfortune

theselinessungbyfamousCelineDiondeliverssomesentimentswhichIfeelsomiserably.


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For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you.

Love you and miss you my lost heart. God Bless you. Will see you soon.

5th

March, 2012,

Engr. Manzoor Hussain Hasrat.

House. # 13-C. Officers Colony,

Wah Cantt. Pakistan.

Cell.Tel 0092-30051791007

Resident phone, 0092514511510

in the memory of a loving person

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