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Mini-Mag #2: 3/30-4/3, 2020

Hello All,

Here we are heading into week 3 of quarantine and hoping this won’t last much longer. Although for all our sakes, we also recognize the need for keeping away and neither do we want to return prematurely. As the weather is warming, we hope you are getting outside daily. Did you know that a mere 20 minutes of fresh air a day helps your digestive system, blood pressure, heart rate, immune system, lungs, and contributes to your overall happiness, energy levels, and clearer thinking/focus? The benefits of fresh air are limitless…even when we receive several of inches of (unwanted) snow overnight!

We will soon be adding a ‘guest’ contributor to our mini-mag. Author, Pam Leo, will be contributing to our publication, hopefully in next week’s installment. Pam is the author of “Connection Parenting”, the book we have been using for our Moms Helping Moms group. Pam also worked at MCC for a time and held a MHM’s type group and wrote her book while doing so.

We hope you are enjoying these ‘Mini-Mags’ and we are so grateful to Jenn J (MCC) and Janice (SMWRC) for helping us stay connect to you all. Don’t forget to send along suggestions of things you might want us to include in our weekly mini-mags and we will do our best to honor your requests.

Best,

Monique & Nicolle

A domestic violence survivor's letter to her 16-year-old self (Author’s name withheld)

Step away from the vehicle. Let go of that door handle - NOW. Do NOT get in the car with that boy. This is not a drill. Nothing could possibly prepare you for how badly this is going to end.

You're shy, and your insecurities have made you a prime target for the smooth talking, deceptive charm of the boy sitting in the driver's seat.

His older years do not make him wiser. His good looks do not make him more attractive. What you believe is confidence you are mistaking for an oversized ego. His persistence is not flattering, it is obsessive. His insistence that he must have you stems from selfishness. It is wrapped up in ego, and narcissism and pride. He is everything you should be running from, not something you should be seeking out.

Do NOT write one more love letter. Do NOT agonize over one more tear-stained poem or heart-wrenching phone call. Life and love is not how they make it look in the movies.

Stop worrying about whether he likes the way you look, if your bum is too big or your boobs are too small. None of this will make an ounce of difference in the end. Your body is not his to critique. Don't give in to the belief your appearance will determine your place in the world above and beyond your intellect. This isn't true – unless you allow it. Take the emphasis off WHAT you are and focus on WHO you are.

Ask yourself this – what do I want? Think long and hard. What is it that YOU desire for your future? The mistaken belief you carry that his happiness is more important than yours is dangerous and misguided. It is a belief that generations of women have espoused and one that seeks to keep you focused on your shortcomings. You deserve so much more than you think. You don't need the affections of the boy in the driver's seat. All you need is that dogged determination to better yourself – the same determination that forces you to read that Year 11 physics chapter for the tenth time. Use that determination to pursue your passion, not the boy. Happiness is within you.

Believe in yourself. Do not invest any more of your time or energy dissecting the criticism of others, especially the boy in the driver's seat. His comments will deplete you of every shred of self-belief, if you let him. Focus instead on how to recognize when you are doubting yourself or succumbing to the disparaging commentary of others. In life, in love and in your career, there will be those who ridicule or condemn you because it makes them feel superior, especially the boy in the driver's seat. Don't buy into the bullshit.

Recognize that you adhere to an adolescent ideology that is not realistic or practical. Ideologies work well in fairy tales or Enid Blyton books, but sadly they often fail in the stark daylight of the real world. There isn't always a happily-ever-after. And unfaltering loyalty is not always the best approach. You do NOT have to endure at all costs. It will not make you a better person. Bad

things happen to good people all the time. You are no exception. Stand up for yourself. You are stronger than you think.

That heart of yours, the one so overflowing with hope and expectation for the future, needs to be protected. You might find it difficult to avoid the treachery of love and broken promises. If you do, fight the urge to replace that innocent heart with a cynical, broken vessel. Even when you are writhing in a swirling abyss of misery, hope can keep you afloat. Always cling to the hope of something bigger and better and beautiful, of a love that will heal and not hurt. Your determination to better yourself will eventually take you to places where your peers respect you. Suffering will not define you. It will simply magnify the beauty of the good people around you.

Found on the Sydney Morning Herald Website

Real Names Draw a line from the well-known celebrity name on the left to their actual ‘real’ name on the

right. If either the 1st or last name is underlined, that is the only name they changed. Snoop Dog Cockburn Puff Daddy Amethyst Amelia Kelly John Cougar Sturtevant Xtina Stephens Cat Stevens Gene Hernandez Mos Def Anastassakis Elton John Steven Georgiou Aaron Paul Calvin Cordozar Broadus Olivia Wild Reginal Dwight John Legend Christina Aguilera Bruno Mars Destiny Jennifer Aniston Mellencamp Miley Cyrus Eric Marlon Bishop Iggy Azalea Yasiin Bey Lana del Rey Katheryn Hudson Jamie Foxx Sean Combs Vin Diesel Elizabeth Woolridge Grant Nikki Minaj Mark Sinclair Vincent Katie Perry Onika Tanya Maraj

How many words can you make out of the following words? The potential amount is in parentheses.

Bigger (25)

Year (20)

Letters (76)

Flowers (111) ß that’s crazy!!

Parenting through this Covid-19 reality Pam Leo sent us a link to a Dr. Laura Markham interview where she shared helpful tips on how to support our children during this time of isolation and fear. Dr. Markham is a Clinical Psychologist, author, and founder of Aha! Parenting. While it goes without saying that parenting while incarcerated has its challenges, parenting through this Covid-19 reality may add extra fears and frustrations for both you and your child(ren). You’ll worry about them and they’ll have added worries about you. Nonetheless, how you respond to your child(ren) is key to getting through this crisis with as little added anxiety and distress as possible.

• Make friends with your fear and encourage your child(ren) to do the same. Acknowledge your child(ren)’s fears; listen to them; validate their concerns. Reassure them you are safe and ok. Talk to them about your day and what you are doing. Ask them about their day. Sharing the context of your days with each other will convey a much needed sense of ‘normalcy’ so share even the small things like lunch, what you are watching on TV and classes you went to, etc.

• Listen carefully when your child(ren) expresses frustration about not being able to see their friends or family members. Let them grieve, ask questions. Make supportive comments and reassure them that their feelings of sadness, frustration or fear are valid. Offer suggestions on how to connect with friends and family (a phone call, or letter or drawing, etc.). Reassure them that this quarantine is temporary and in everyone’s best interest.

• Share ways you may be supporting others. • Talk to them about one of your favorite memories with them • Check-in with their care-providers not only about how your child(ren) are

doing, but how you want them to respond to their fears and concerns. • Helping your child(ren) through this crisis will help build their resiliency to

future challenges and crises!!

YOU GOT THIS!!

My faves & preferences Movie: Musical Artist (female): Musical Artist (male): Band: Color: Hobby: Season: Song: Animal: Book: TV show:

This or That (circle your response)

Coke, Pepsi or Water Tea, Coffee or Hot Chocolate Instagram or Facebook Tacos, Pizza, Chinese or Italian Dogs or cats Morning person or Night Owl Book or movie Comedies or Horror movies

Quotes

Answers to ‘Real Names’ Snoop Dog: Calvin Cordozar Puff Daddy: Sean Combs John Cougar: John Mellencamp Xtina: Christina Aguilera Mos Def: Yasiin Bey Cat Stevens: Yusuf Islam Elton John: Reginald Dwight Katie Perry: Katheryn Hudson Olivia Wild: Olivia Cockburn John Legend: John Stephens Aaron Paul: Aaron Sturtevant Bruno Mars: Gene Hernandez Jennifer Aniston: Jennifer Anastassakis Miley Cyrus: Destiny Cyrus Iggy Azalea: Amethyst Amelia Kelly Lana del Rey: Elizabeth Woolridge Grant Jamie Foxx: Eric Marlon Bishop Vin Diesel: Mark Sinclair Vincent Nikki Minaj: Onika Tanya Maraj