SAFE DATES UNIT

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

WHEN IS THE RIGHT AGE TO START DATING

WHO PAYS FOR THE DATE?

SHOULD YOU KISS ON THE FIRST DATE?

IS IT OK TO DATE MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT THE SAME TIME?

ESSENTIAL QUESTIONWHAT IS DATING?

ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS

WHAT ARE RELATIONSHIPS?

WHAT ARE SOME DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE HAVE

• A RELATIONSHIP IS . . . . . . . . .

A CONNECTION BETWEEN INDIVIDUALS OR GROUPS OF PEOPLE.

RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVE SOME LEVEL OF INTERDEPENDENCE. PEOPLE INFLUENCE EACH OTHER, SHARE FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, IDEAS, OR ACTIVITIES TOGETHER.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE ‘SOCIAL’ COMMITMENTS.

WHO MIGHT YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH?

ROLE = HOW YOU BEHAVE OR ACT IN A RELATIONSHIP.

What are some of the expected behaviors for each

role below?

Child/Parent Employee/Employer

Student/Teacher Neighbors

Athlete/Coach Friends

Sister or brother

Partners

Relationship vs dating

Dating = Engaging in social activities with another person to get to know them better – which can become and intimate relationship.

Essential question – What is the difference between a relationship, friendship, or intimacy?

FRIENDSHIP

A SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE BASED ON TRUSTCARINGCONSIDERATIONRESPECTHONESTY

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS?

One of our basic human needs is

TO BELONG AND BE LOVED“INTIMACY” refers to a feeling of close attachment Types:

Physical EmotionalCognitive Experiential

Intimacy results from a close bond formed through knowledge and experiences with the other.

WHAT DOES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE?

Essential Question – What are three ways we might

communicate with others in our relationships?

ANSWER: AGGRESSIVELYPASSIVELYASSERTIVELY

BUT WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

Aggressive = being overly forceful. It might involve bullying or intimidation. Not paying attention to

other’s feelings or needs.

Passive = being unwilling or unable to express thoughts or feelings. Putting other’s needs ahead of your own.

Assertive = expressing your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully. Standing up for your rights while

respecting others.

Essential Question –What does dating abuse

look like?

PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS

HITTING SCRATCHING

PUSHING BITING

CHOKING SHAKING

PUNCHING PINCHING

RAPING SPITTING

SHOVING PULLING HAIR

EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS

Ignoring a partner’s feelings

Insulting a partner’s values and beliefs

Acting in an intimidating way

Calling a date names

Isolating a partner from friends or family

Acting jealous or spreading rumors

EMOTIONAL ABUSE (continued)

Scaring a partner

Keeping a partner from leaving

Humiliating a partner in public or private

Telling lies about a partner

Threatening to hurt oneself or partner

Damaging a partner’s property

Are all behaviors considered abuse????

THEY ARE ABUSE when used to:

MANIPULATE another person

GAIN CONTROL or POWER of someone

Make someone FEEL BAD about THEMSELF or OTHERS

Make someone FEEL AFRAID

Make someone FEEL GUILTY

PROGRESSION

No relationship is perfect. There may be feelings of confusion, anger, or jealousy-this is normal in relationships.

Emotional abuse might not be “abusive” if only done once. BUT. . .

PHYSICAL HARM IS ALWAYS ABUSIVE EVEN DONE ONLY ONCE.

BUT . . . IT BECOMES A PROBLEM WHEN…..

THESE ACTIONS HAPPEN MORE THAN ONCE AND BECOME A REGULAR BEHAVIOR IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

Dating abuse RED FLAGS

FEELING AFRAID OF YOUR PARTNER

LOSING YOUR FRIENDS & FEELING ISOLATED

FEELING EMBARRASSED, ASHAMED, GUILTY

A NERVOUS OR SICK FEELING WHEN PARTNER IS IRRITATED OR ANGR

CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER IS JEALOUS

DOING THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO BUT THINK YOU SHOULD OR MUST

RED FLAGS that YOU might be abusing your partner

YOU PHYSICALLY ASSAULT YOUR PARTNER

YOU BECOME ANGRY IF PARTNER SPENDS TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE

USE GUILT TRIPS TO GET YOUR WAY

MAKING YOUR PARTNER AFRAID OF YOU

TELL YOUR PARTNER TO CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR

ARE UNABLE TO CONTROL YOUR FEELING S OF ANGER OR JEALOUSLY

FIND YOURSELF STALKING AND SMOTHERING PARTNER

Essential Question – What are some negative

consequences of dating abuse?

“SHORT TERM” Consequences of

abuseGetting into trouble with school or

lawFeeling intimidated or afraidFeeling bossed or controlledGet physically injuredBeing humiliated or upsetFeelings of guilt, anger, or confusionBelieve it is your fault and blame

yourself

“LONG TERM” Consequences of

abuse • Losing friends and being isolated

• Criminal charges or jail time

• Becoming depressed, feelings of suicide

• Withdraw and isolate self

• Not trust future relationships

• Believe it is normal behavior and accept it

Essential Question – Why don’t victims get help?

Fear of hurting their dating partner

Fear of getting into trouble with one’s parents

Fear of being blamed or not believed

Fear of retaliation from abusive partner

Fear of being judged – embarrassment

Don’t want to be alone – or believe it is normal

Think it is their fault – have no self esteem

Don’t know HOW to improve the situation

‘YOU’ have a choice . . .

Getting help for you or a friend

Point out the abusive behavior and tell them they do not deserve to be treated that way.

Always listen to, believe, and respect your friend

Ask them if they have a safety plan

Help them get adult or professional help

Guide them to on-line help sites and crisis hot lines

Help them reconnect with family and friends

What is the “SAFE” strategy for effective

communication?

“SAFE” Communication Skills

S = Stay Calm

A = Ask Questions

F = Find out Feelings

E = Exchange Ideas for a Solution

Effective and open communication is important in having an honest caring relationship. It can help diffuse a potentially confrontational or abusive situation. Using SAFE actions might help you realize it was all a misunderstanding.

Use “I statements” when expressing your

feelings.I feel _________ when you

_________because __________.

Fill in an emotion / and a specific action.

Dating should feel ‘right’.