i'm sheila norman

file:///C/Users/rmenard/Desktop/CC%20Videos/VEED-subtitles_Child%20Dev%201_default.txt[3/3/2021 12:04:32]

Hello everyone.

I'm happy to be sharing and learning with you all tonight.

I'm Sheila Norman.

I am an instructor at City College of San Francisco in the

child development and family studies Department.

I started my professional career in Corporate America and

totally burnt out I could imagine myself being taken out

of my office in a body bag.

So I left the corporate world and came home and told my husband.

I want to be a A garden teacher to which he rolled his eyes

and said, okay fine.

So I went back to school.

I thought I was going to teach kindergarten to third grade

but I started taking Child Development courses and fell in

love with early care and education and thought that I could

do far more good by helping children and families get a really

good start in life so that they could deal with the rigors

of being in formal education and that was 29 years ago, so

I did own my own preschool.

I ran the preschool for 18 years for all practical purposes.

It was a therapeutic preschool and it why had we had many

children that had left other programs and came to our school

to be an environment that worked for them.

So I sold that school in 2007 because it was beginning to

I was seeing that body.

bag again, and I went and got my Master's Degree and I've

been at city college teaching in the Child Development Department


ever since I do have three adult children two grandchildren

one of whom you'll probably hear way too much about tonight,

and I hadn't thought about it before I started working with

Sharon and Julia and this program, but my husband and I did

foster two teenage girls and And the early 80s and it's funny

how things come full circle.

So you're going to get a chance to tell me a little bit about

yourself and the next slide.

But before we do that, let's look at the agenda that we're

going to cover tonight.

So welcome introductions.

We've I've introduced myself you're going to introduce yourself

and we're going to actually talk about normal child development

this evening.

Not quite sure who gets to Define normal, but we are also

belief that if you get a really solid firm understanding

about normal development, you'll have a better way.

Of recognizing things that may need a little bit more attention

but to understand what's normal will help you support children

in a way that will optimize their growth and development.

We're going to look at seven did several different age bands

of development.

It's not my practice to actually read to you from the Powerpoints.

You have a copy of the PowerPoint slide and in your package,

but what I will do is I will layer some information on top

of what you have on the PowerPoint.

And then also hoping to be very interactive with you.


I'll be asking you questions, please if you want more information

or want to interject something or say something just look

at me scream at me yell at me but let's make this meaningful

and relevant for all of us that are here this this evening.

We're going to take a formal break.

We get through the stages of normal development in early

childhood. We'll look at some parenting practices talk about

patience and understanding look at culture and we'll end

our evening talking about grief and loss sort of a low note

but necessary to actually wrap up everything that we're talking

about the children in the families that you'll be supporting.

You have a packet of material that has quite a bit of information

in it.

I'm going to call your attention to many of the handouts.

I want you to know that they're there we're not going to

spend a lot of time thoroughly reviewing that information,

but I'll call it out for your attention so that you'll be

aware of it.

So like we said we're going to jump right in don't hesitate

to ask questions to share your thoughts as we go along.

And we'll for our purposes.

We'll start with infancy.

And we're going to Define infancy from birth to age 12 months.

So the first year of Life the main thing the most important

thing that I really want you to understand is that infants

have very little control over their movement.

Their movements are irregular.


You cannot leave an infant alone.

For example on a bed while you know, you run quickly to the

rest. Or whatever because they have reflexes.

They move quickly their irregular.

You never know what's going to happen.

So it you have to have the ability to make sure that they're

safe at all times babies babies particularly early infants.

They're constantly taking in information.

They're taking it in there exploring their environment through

their sins.

Isis and you know, so what are we talking about?

When we talk about census?

We all kind of learn the five senses in school, you know

sight touch hearing taste all of those things and actually

the research now tells us that there's far more than five

senses. I think the last document I saw says we're up to

like identifying 19 different senses, but for our purposes

just understanding the Babies are taking in information through

their eyes through their ears what they smell what they sense

what they feel what they hear and but I also need you to

know that there's more to the sensory system than then just

those five senses.

For example baby's learning how to how to turn over.

How to move their body and I'll tell you if I had not seen

this myself I would not have believed it.

My mother is a legal secretary and the attorney that she

works for daughter recently had a baby a son and I saw actual


video video footage of this baby getting up on his hands

and knees and turning its body over now that might not Sound

impressive to you, but this baby was three and a half weeks

old and already turning over.

I know we're living in the 21st century and everything's

moving fast, but that's pretty incredible.

So babies are learning to do things.

They're learning to their learning from what they see what

they hear and what they see others doing and hearing right

now the big thing is how many of you have seen Seen an infant

with a cell phone.

Yep, pretty much all of us.

And what is it that those babies can do with the cell phone?

Yep, push the buttons and swipe swipe.

So how is it that somebody 6 months old or so has the ability

to do this?

It's because they've been watching all of the big people

in their life.

They're mimicking.

You're absolutely correct.

They're imitating what they see the adults in their lives

doing. So from the time they were born.

They've seen all of these really important people to them

swiping cell phones.

So, of course they know how to do it and that is actually

a little humbling because they are constantly watching and

there. Learning from what they see you do and say also another


really important point that I want to make sure that you

leave here with is that all infants are not the same they

come here with different temperaments with temperate different

needs and it's the adults job to figure out what the baby

likes or what the baby doesn't like and we have to respect

those differences.

I don't know about Out you, but when I was a young mother,

I had more than my fair share of people telling me what to

do and not do so that I would not.

Yep, spoil my baby.

So we have research now that supports the fact that you cannot

spoil an infant.

We're talking about a young child.

You cannot spoil a bit.

I know I know but what we've discovered is young children

need to have their needs met.

You're not spoiling a child when you meet their It's you

spoil a child when you overindulge them and you don't set

boundaries for them.

And that's totally different than what we're talking about

picking up children, and she gives it to him.

She let him control it like and he just on FaceTime.

So it's like make him be quiet if nobody else wants you to

turn on the camera.

So he'll think he's on FaceTime.

So he's looking at himself have any of you seen any other

children do any things with cell phones or tablets?


Yeah.

What that's what I was looking for.

They're doing this, right?

They're engaged.

Why is that at such a young age?

What do you think?

Behaviors exactly exactly.

So if you remember the these infants are taking in they're

watching they're learning from all the important people in

their world, right?

So what are they seeing all of us big people on phones doing

right? And if they're learning how to be in this world and

how to do what everybody's doing?

They look like little Geniuses because They're doing all

this stuff that they're mimicking because that's what everyone

else. So they're just taking it all in right please.

Does anybody know what the American Pediatric Association

recommends in terms of kids and cell phones or screen time.

It's changed to screen time is right anybody know?

Nothing before 2 years of age good luck with that.

Right?

So then they know that that's not realistic anymore.

So then the recommendation is if a child is going to be in

front of a screen that a parent or caregiver should be with

them interpreting using language and making more of a social

being section just to think of thank you.

It is something to think about I mean because it's part of


our world, you know and all of us.

To do what we know and believe to be best for children, but

we are living in a time where it's nearly impossible to escape

screen time.

All infants are not the same true.

You got 19 of them write any of them like little robot to

do the same thing.

My nephew.

That's one.

I mean nine months.

He's already walking like he's standing up and he's into

everything. He's pulling things out.

He's super strong like he bangs on TV.

He's just super like strong and different than I have a cousin

with the baby where he don't want to stand don't want to

walk and he already made.

They just really lazy.

He just whines constantly.

I know you didn't say that baby was lazy.

So you see this interface between them and it's what we talked

about their temperament.

You know, what they come here with what they've been, you

know exposed to as far as stimulation or laughing relation

or what have you but there's no two babies the same.

And as adults, our job is to figure out what the baby likes.

What the baby doesn't like and to respect these differences

and it's really hard to do particularly.


I would suspect all of you around this table everyone in

this room.

We have really busy complicated lives.

Right but we have this responsibility to help children's

get their needs met.

It's essential.

It's understanding what the baby likes and doesn't like now.

I don't mean like do they like this outfit or that That's

not what I mean.

But do they like to be hell do they like to not be hell do

they like to be wrapped, you know tightly in a blanket or

do they like to be free?

Do they want to you know, do they want to walk early or not

or be carried all of these things just what their needs so

I grew up in a generation where often very well intending

people are families told me what not to do to so that I wouldn't

Do what to my baby?

Starts with it is spoiled.

Yeah now Cheryl how did you know what I was talking about?

Tell me about spoiling, baby.

I pick them up when they cry.

Okay, so that's messages.

You've heard what else how what else have you heard about

what spoils a kid giving them whatever they want.

Now remember what we're talking about here.

I want you to keep it in that friend, right?

So there is scientific research and there's a couple articles


in your packet that says you cannot Foil of eight come on

bring it because I know you don't believe me.

I know I'm being silly.

Is that okay?

But it's it's really hard to swallow that to hear.

Someone say you cannot spoil a baby.

This is so what they're talking about.

Now.

You said Kelly?

I really like how you fly you said giving them what they

want. There is a huge difference between wanting.

In something and needing something young children still in

this, you know what we call this early infancy.

They don't.

Their needs are much larger than their wants and if you can

hold that in your mind if you think about when a baby's crying

and you go pick them up, or you respond to them, and we're

going to talk about this a lot tonight.

You're going to see it in that video as well when you're

responding to them.

You're not spoiling them.

You are meeting their needs the articles that you will lead

shows that bye.

By responding appropriately responding to a child when they're

crying or meeting their needs does not spoil them I grew

up where it was a very common practice to believe that you

let kids cry it out cuz that's how they learned to stop doing


it basically.

Okay.

I'm sure you've heard some of you have heard that same thing.

Well those research tells us now that that's not how we help.

Children develop self-esteem self-confidence, it causes anxiety

anxiety causes chemicals in our body the specifically help

me nurse Sharon cortisol.

These are all toxic chemicals that now we have scientific

research shows can be people with adult like diabetes and

heart can a lot of medical things.

They can trace it back to like be In anxiety situations that

have caused this toxic stress to build up.

Remember the doctor birth video.

That's what I'm right.

Yeah, please think about the kids that come into foster care

have their basic needs being met.

So in a lot of ways, it's your job to teach them that their

basic needs.

It can be met and that's how they build trust and that's

how they learn to self-regulate.

That's how they become older people who are able to solve

problems take care of themselves the part of society and

so you're you're helping them learn and your way by meeting

their needs every single time.

So it's not spoiler.

Okay, what else?

Do you know about infants?


What else you know about these young show?

How did they communicate?

Don't make me do it.

Please don't make me demonstrate it for you.

How do they communicate crying they draw they cry a lot and

I'm going to encourage you to get in touch with your own

sensibilities and how you feel about children that cry for

some of us we can manage it.

For some people it's extremely difficult to hear Children

Cry and I just encourage you to you know, if that's your

case do some thinking about that and understand what it might

be about because they have no other way of communicating

and they're not doing it too.

Okay like that one.

All right, let's look at the next fruit.

So we're calling toddlers 12 to 24 months.

So they reach their their first birthday.

So this is between their first and their second birthdays.

They are you're undergoing a lot of really many significant

developmental changes.

So Maura said you mentioned you have a nephew that walked

in nine months and you have one that's 12 months.

So it's not walking yet, but a lot of shit, so there's a

lot going on by the first year of Life many children are

walking but not all and it's there's nothing wrong with the

ones that aren't walking yet.

They just haven't got there yet.


It's their own developmental table, but they're going through

a lot of changes physically.

They're starting to look like, you know.

Little people not 10.

Oh my God, they have such cute clothes for him.

Now, you know, they look like miniature Hollywood stars.

But why our toddlers I'm going to ask you question why our

toddlers at a high risk for unintentional injuries?

They explore.

Yep, some of that walking it looks like what?

So they're still developing their sense of balance and control.

Why else are they at risk of unintentional injuries?

curious You said that nine month old was he strong?

He's some of them are real strong.

And if you're pulling on something, okay, we live in earthquake

country, but I have a confession all my stuff's not mounted

to the wall the doors.

Oh am I sharing close years, but you see my point.

They're curious.

They don't know they're Fearless.

They have no fear right in.

In a kind and gentle world.

So they're exploring they want to know everything what steps

do the adults have to take to reduce this unintentional risk.

What do we have to do?

What are some of the things we do?

Hmm so that we have our own unintentional injuries, right?


What do we do for the children lock it up.

Childproofing what does childproofing look like?

Yep, stove and stove knobs.

I mean everything now is a button.

I mean she looks out your do so.

And they've been watching us so they'll know how to push

the buttons better than we do Renata.

What are some of the things that you did with the special

education students that you worked with to keep them safe

because I suspect some of them were developmentally, you

know younger than their chronological age.

Yes, yes.

The electrical outlets all those good things right?

Because to them they know no danger right top.

They're curious they're eager to explore their surroundings,

but they still don't have the best coordination.

That's what we were talking about the tiling they have very

limited. Very capital V ery Limited.

Standing of cause and effect that baby doesn't know you know,

when they see this really interesting thing here and they

pull it they don't know that everything can topple down.

They do not understand that their actions have consequences

yet. They just don't have the cognitive ability to do it.

They don't understand sighs.

They don't understand distance, you know you and I unless

we've been drinking can pretty much control.

You know, what we're doing.


They're still figuring that stuff out.

We put them and that can put them at risk.

so as adults that are responsible for caring for children,

we have to ensure that the toddler's environment is safe

and we have to plan it like for you to write this word somewhere

on your paper and we have to anticipate a and tici Pa TV

we To anticipate toddler behavior and if we can anticipate

it, then we can take steps to eliminate potential hazards.

So it's like we forget we really are smarter than them.

If we if we allow ourselves to be, you know, we really are

but we do some we have to be mindful about what's going on

and anticipate.

I know Julia's got a jumper her granddaughter was was Was

is will always be right up jumper.

What were some of the you anticipated that activity where

were some of the things you did in response to that?

exactly Stop.

Hahaha, right?

So you anticipated that this child was going to court climb

and crawl and job and then you made it safe by putting down

cushions that would prevent her from having accidents and

that not my grandson walked at nine months to that child

stood up started running and nine months.

So like you said renetta, we have to put bumpers on every,

you know, curve or Surface.

This baby was moving.

He used to run into the wall.


He moving so fast, you know, so we even and one place we

had a pad on the wall, you know, when you can turn that corner

when it and it was just like it had his name written all

over it.

So we just have to do that.

So this is continuous supervision is always a must now.

This is really really important and I want this is important

for me that you Try to understand what I'm going to tell

you about that.

How about this?

I was joking with Julia obviously about telling her granddaughter

there. Stop jumping on stuff, right?

You cannot explain things to a toddler you can have A PhD

in rocket science, right and you know how to explain things

to people it's useless on the topic.

You cannot explain things to tallish.

They do not have the cognitive ability.

They're Brave is an old enough yet to what rationalize what

we talk about when we try to explain we try to lecture we

try to you know, make them.

Understand stuff right?

They cannot do it more than their little two-year-old brain.

So what you can do is you can describe things.

Okay, their brains can process that information.

You describe it.

You can describe things for them.

You can you know, show them things you can use gentle physical


touch to communicate concerns, you know, like Kelly is it

okay if I touch your Shoulder, you know it's like, you know,

I'm called Alma.

You know, I'm a really neat you to slow down when you're

approaching that corner, you know and by doing this I'm making

a connection a cognitive a physical and an emotional connection.

So but just because you said it doesn't make it so right.

So you need to hold that in mind there was You have to continually

keep your eyes on them and be their protection.

I remember reading an article once and it was probably the

best article of my educational career.

It was called more protection less Direction.

So it's like rather than tell the child.

Oh be careful, you know, which is like which means what right,

you know, you just get real close, you know, like if their

client you want to get close so that if they slip you can

you know be there for them you have to do for them what they

can't do for themselves yet, okay.

They don't process and understand language the same way adults

do okay anybody have an example of that.

Does this resonate with anyone?

Okay, goodie, I get to tell you my husband's story.

So we live on a hill that nine month old grandson likes to

throw things.

He's actually for now, but he'll forever be nine months in

my heart.

But he likes to throw things.


He always has so when he was about, you know, two years old.

My husband was carrying him out of the house.

He had a ball in his hand.

Where do we live?

What did he do with that ball?

Exactly.

So my husband puts him down and says stay right there.

Ha ha ha.

How did that work for him?

Thank goodness.

I was looking out of the window.

So my husband, you know, they don't get that stay right there.

I'll be right back.

Wait just a minute, you know, don't do that.

It ended up and it's not that their defiant.

They just don't understand the same way.

We do and sometimes it's real easy particularly because they

look so cute and so grown up with their little Doc Martens

or whatever else they're wearing right?

We forget that they're young and they need us to protect

them usually from themselves.

What are you thinking?

What are you thinking about what I'm telling you?

You buying it?

Yeah, you're a quiet much.

All right, just like infants toddlers.

They're not all the same.


Every two-year-old is not to say our jobs to figure out what

their needs are and to respect their individual differences.

All right.

What do you know about preschool kids and for us tonight

preschoolers Age 3 to 5.

What do you know about preschoolers?

They're cute as all get-out and they have mouths.

What else?

Anybody got a three to five year old three two, three, four

or five-year-old in your house.

They a little bit more independent.

What does that mean?

This oftentimes they may have more in a toddler, but you

start hearing that me do it.

You know, I'll do it.

I don't you no.

No I can do it.

A lot of that.

Independence is fierce.

What else what else do you think about this age group?

It's not acting out.

What does that mean to you?

They get sassy sassy.

They don't seem to know what everything my goodness.

They just like if they can rule the world.

They think they know everything because they've been here

whole five years, right?


This is true for year olds are often described as continually

testing limits.

You got mmmm.

You got an example for us again?

No, my one-year-old is doing that already testing limit.

Yes.

So just speak just think wait, wait a couple of years.

How did you forget that when you're four adult children over

half a day?

Yeah.

So if they're known for testing the limits what purpose does

that behavior serve Why do they test the limits age that

getting older and looking for you're looking for boundaries?

What else?

That's a beautiful word.

Yes.

Where do I fit into this big old bad world and we're living

in or good world.

Testing limits is a way for young children to learn about

social rules.

Okay, and to determine just how far they can go in a certain

your Independence, it's all for a reason.

It's not just to make us more crazy.

They're doing it because they have to there it also provides

an opportunity for testing communication, you know, social

skills building self-confidence like I'm a big kid.

I can do this and it's important to tell children what you


want them to do rather than what you don't want them to do.

Don't is compound and if you think about it that way it's

complex. And remember we're still talking about young children

with limited cognitive development.

So if you tell them what you want them to do rather than

what you don't want to do.

You'll usually have a more desirable outcome.

Remember I said usually some of those temperaments they don't

care what you tell do.

Okay?

What Behavior?

What what Behavior so the testing the limits right?

So what what behaviors would suggest this is true?

You sit sassy yet.

Tell me what that looks like.

My God, I work with the four years old go.

She's an only child so she doesn't share and she goes like

I was playing with that you were doing all that.

Well, even though she was like doing something else.

So she has really limited experiences in taking terms.

Oh, yeah.

She's about to take it turns and particularly children.

And in group care of it or coming to a home where there might

be more than you know, one child or two kids, you know did

what did you know last of this a question?

Did you know that you have to own something before?

You can share it?


I can't share Nina's water with any of you.

Why not?

Not my water, right?

So same thing particularly when they come in and particularly

in classroom or School settings where they say they don't

share. Share it's not that they're not sharing.

They don't have any ownership and they haven't even learned

that concept yet.

That's why a lot of the work is about learning to take turns

and the big huge challenging one is learning self regulation

learning how to wait.

I don't know about you, but I honked my horn at least wants

getting it's something and I am Way past half a hundred and

I'm still learning.

Okay, so all of this, so it looks is silly talk.

You know, that's this wins, you know, maybe the little potty

Target starts happening here.

I'm not talking about profanity.

I'm not talking about Bolger, you know things but just, you

know, poopoo head or you know, stinky face or you know, all

that silly top because it's thrilling and they'd like to

see the Expressions that come on your face, so they still

even at this age.

It is normal close your mouth girl for them to still have

Tantrums. How many of you had a tantrum since January 1st?

Yeah, it's normal.

Okay, it's normal for them to still have Tantrums.


But if you understand Tantrums is a way of self-expression

and is usually a way of showing you or telling you that there's

some frustration and they can't manage it and they need your

help. They don't need to be mad at them which is really going

to do but they need you to be able to understand that they

are dealing with something that they can't manage on their

own. Okay, so they still have Tantrums.

Oh and boasting boasting they like to tell you just how smart

they are how strong they are there.

They're resistant.

You say sit.

They stand you say, you know blue they say, Purple all of

these things.

This is to be expected and they're trying adults patient

to the absolute Max.

So all important steps in developing self understanding and

autonomy. Remember that word autonomy.

We're going to come back to it in another developmental stage.

Okay.

So three to five year olds require almost constant supervision.

Why?

Do you have a three-year-old in your life?

Of day device you can take the toy downstairs to the to play

with it on the dining room table, which is a really big and

bold think he's that I knew it was going to fall off the

table, but you would think that it would stay on the table

right? Come down at 6 a.m.


He's quiet.

So focused on what there is sand.

It's like sticky the most tell me it's not the kinetics and

I do So what it is, it's six your hands.

It doesn't stick to its kinetic.

He began but it sticks to the rump and the clothes.

Can up saying oh don't bother I'm sorry.

They can sue me.

Don't buy the kinetic sand it for a while, but it's like

they're living their life.

They're discovering it.

They don't know that you know, what they're doing is going

to make us cuckoo for Coco.

All right, um, they're curious they're eager to investigate

new activities and environments their have unlimited energy.

G unlimited energy your time did he wake up?

And it's Susie azzam.

It causes them to attempt things beyond their ability.

That's that's the scary part.

They can get into situations that may endanger them and others

because of poor judgment and lack of insight.

They just don't have it or lack of foresight I should say

and this is called the Charm, okay, so there is a handout

in your packet about children's responsibilities at different

ages. It looks sort of like this.

So I thought it was really interesting Sharon is quite tightly

for you to say that Tobias earned his toy.


So on this handout, these are Of course not completely exhausted

but just some hints some ideas of things that responsibilities

that children can take within the household to be, you know,

part of the community part of the household part of the family.

So it's not unreasonable to expect, you know, two to three

year olds to help put clothes on hooks not hangers.

All right, they can you know put away their toys, you know,

they can pull their covers if you're not looking for perfection.

And on and on so here are just some guidelines and in the

little box there.

It does say give your children regular responsibilities at

an early age.

And this is what teaches them that a family is a team and

everyone contributes.

So I think that's a value that we pretty much probably all

share. So I wanted you to know that you had this as a resource.

So young school-age children 6 to 8 year olds anybody with

six to eight year olds in your house?

Okay.

My said I think you have every age.

Oh very good.

Okay.

So I want you you I'm going to ask you is this true?

I want you to read that and tell me if you see this for your

son Lydia.

Were you did you meet my daughter sister?

Your daughter is 6 so, what are you thinking is I want to


know from you or anybody else.

I'll listen but a six-year-old in your world, okay?

So this so we have we've divided school-age into two groupings

young school age and middle childhood.

And when we look at some of Erikson's Theory all Impact that

a little bit more but so at ages 6 to 8, what do you believe

the main tasks that they're focusing for that young children

focus on at this age group.

The picture can give you a clue.

What's the main thing?

They're focusing?

Fine motor skills, which are drawing.

Bring it.

Righty just starting to learn to read so six to eight year

old. Usually what greater than first first first second third

grade, right and you've all heard the statistics about, you

know, they need to be reading by third grade to be successful.

So they're learning all of these cognitive skills, all of

these things.

They're learning how to do them, right?

So their main task Include Mastery Reading Writing and satisfying

their continued endless curiosity about the world around

them. They want to know they're curious or trying to understand

these this big world were in their fond of jokes.

Okay was the last time you heard a knock knock joke bet it

was from a six-year-old their fun jokes, right riddles puzzles.

Puzzles, they like challenging games.


They like board games at this for many children not all there,

but they can enjoy both board games at this age electronic

games. And this is also a time where many families straight

engaging their children in organized Sports.

Little League, I can't believe those little bitty people

in football gear track martial arts all of those things.

So often times of oftentimes adults think children are misbehaving

when they're actually just being children and they're doing

the best they can if you can hold onto that 99 Point nine

percent of the time regardless of the situation a child is

doing the best they can in that moment.

Now we can factor in all those leaked retired.

They could be sleepy they could be hungry, you know, they

could be coming down with what they're doing the best they

can they're not slacking even when they're doing the best

they can and again this is why.

It's important to tell children what you want rather than

what you don't for example telling children and lower their

voice and I do it all the time and I'm supposed to use professional

right lower your voice.

You know, what that's not natural you're asking them to do

something that's not natural to regulate their voice now

they learn to do it because we keep saying this F them, right,

but they learn it because of their interaction and their

relationship with People does that make sense?

They're not learning it because you tell them to lower their

voice or use your inside Voice or you know, all those little


corny things.

We like to say to each other right but they're when you ask

them to do something that's not natural.

You're actually stressing them out and I'm not saying don't

you know, I'm don't don't go say Sheila said don't bother

blah blah blah blah.

I just want you to be aware of the impact of our expectations

our demands and how we communicate with children the impact

on their growth and development that makes sense.

So we get to carry the burden of being the responsible one.

We got three grew up.

It's hard to learn to behave because particularly for this

below it's hard to learn to behave because rules are abstract.

And we know that children still in this age group.

They are concrete.

They need to see it.

They need to be able to touch it.

They need to use their senses.

Right but you can't do those things with rules, right?

So we're asking them to do something.

That's super super hard.

But they'll get it.

Okay, if we're patient with them, so they're abstract and

children are just beginning to think abstractly when they

get to this stage of development and that's considered under

normal circumstances.

So there's another handout it's not the best photocopy, but


I want you to know you have this it looks like this and this

is called a chart of normal development.

And actually this is a really really cool chart now.

I don't want you to go home and crop up in bed and read it

and memorize it.

That's not the expectation.

But I want you to be aware of it and what this chart does

and it covers birth to H6, and it looks at motor skills.

So how children move their body?

Okay.

It looks at communication skills.

It looks at help self-help skills.

Girls it looks at social skills, right and what this tells

you the reason I think this is a valuable resource to have

if you find yourself wondering about a child like why are

they doing that?

Is that normal?

Is that weird Hmm?

This is a resource.

You can go through and look and what it does it gives you

some examples of what's considered normal.

Normal at different developmental stages.

So this first one is up to one year, you know, then you have

your one year old, you know under there you've got your you

know, your three year olds and it goes all the way up to

a six.

Also.


There's something that happens.

I call it the Quantum Leap and it's like children will have

developed and start behaving in a certain way.

Having certain skills, you know, and then it's like they

start regressing.

There's my hey what's going on?

You know you were doing that last week.

I thought you'd outgrown that right, but what I noticed the

years that I've worked with children I call it the Quantum

Leap is because it's like they get the about to go to a new

developmental stage and it's like they back up to where they

were and then they wake up and they're Do this like whole

new kid with all this new set of skills, but it's really

fascinating to watch.

So this this is a resource that I hope you remember if you

find yourself questioning is something normal.

Should I expect it or also, you can look at it and say oh

boy, I better get ready and anticipate what's coming next?

Okay, so that's how we'd like for you to use this resource.

Okay, how we do it?

Answer me.

So I guess we're okay.

All right, remember not all children of the same and the

goal is not Mastery for Perfection of anything on that list.

That's not what you're looking for.

Don't don't don't go use it as your curriculum.

Okay, you're going to learn how to do this now, cause you're


saying that's all okay, but just for your information just

for your awareness.

All right.

Now we're looking at 9 and 12 year old.

So any of you remember being 9 to 12 years old?

So here we're still looking at childhood.

We called it middle childhood and the children again.

They're struggling to obtain a Tommy.

Remember?

I told you we'd come back to this.

So we were looking at a ton of me in those infants and toddlers.

They want to be independent.

They want to be able to do stuff for themselves.

Well, if Like a new wave comes and it starts all over when

they get to this age group.

What are some of the things that you might know about nine

to twelve year olds?

What are they doing?

What's their favorite?

Because you're not the boss of me, right?

What else that was want to correct you?

Oh, yeah, because they've been here a long time.

They're looking for autonomy.

They want to know who they are.

They are trying to separate themselves from their parents

and their families.

In a good way, but it still feels icky but that's what they're


trying. It feels icky to us.

Not them but they're trying to separate themselves from their

families in order to achieve more Independence.

That's this big old goal in life.

This is when they may begin to experiment with new behaviors,

like wearing, you know, fad clothing.

I don't even know the way we dress now.

I don't even know if we can call it fat clothing it is Fad,

clothing are their fans still.

What's okay, somebody back there is going like this.

Like what's holey jeans.

There we go.

That know cuz be shoulders.

Oh, yeah, that's a fact right a little style.

They like wearing, you know, you know popular clothing fat

clothing. This is also a time and it makes probably most

of us a little nervous but this is the time where they often

start experimenting with smoking and drinking sad, but true.

A true and they're trying new hairstyles or makeup.

They might begin hanging out with what we perceive as an

undesirable crowd because they trying to figure out where

they fit in which their click what's their group?

You know, they want to belong.

I mean, it's not good enough.

You can't just belong to us, right, but they want to belong

to something outside of their family.

This makes a do.


Crazy, but this should be recognized as part of the necessary

journey to self-discovery.

So again that word I had you writing down you want to anticipate

this Behavior get really is normal.

And actually if some of this stuff doesn't happen there may

even be cause for concern.

Okay, so you want this to happen the packet contains a handout

from Eric Eric?

It says Erikson's eight stages of man looks like that without

the pretty colors but it looks like that how many of you

are familiar with or ever heard anybody talk about Erikson's

Theory or in stages and I see a few hands naughty.

This is some pretty Erickson was a theorist and his theory

says that every human being goes through these eight stages

of development.

What I want to do is I want to give you a little bit more

information to add to your cheap going to take a couple of

notes here.

And this is some supplemental information and I do encourage

you to get yourself acquainted with it, but we're not going

to fully unpack it, but I do want to give you a little bit

more information.

So we've been going through like infancy and toddlerhood

and all of that.

I want to kind of tell you real quickly what Erikson's theory

is about this development that all human beings go through

according to his theory and sort of at what age according


to Erickson this happens.

You know, Nina's laughing.

She knows why I'm doing this, but you think he used it on

a son.

Is that what he was his son his laboratory.

Is that yeah.

Well, we kind of know about the barriers from from back in

the day, right?

That's right.

Yeah, I was like all of I'm sorry, but all of our theorists

happened to be over whiteness and off many of them didn't

even start their career in this country.

Right?

So but this is what we're working with.

This is still the research that we use and Erickson is still

very much a major theorist in early care and education.

So you will hear those names Erickson and pass Jay.

Still the fathers of all the stuff, you know that we still

teach about trying about it.

So here at number at the first stage that he calls infancy.

I have written in my margin that I wrote birth to 12 months

here. That's what he was talking about in his numbers are

going to be a little bit different than what I gave you year

and what he says basically and please help me if you understand

this stuff help me that all of us can understand as we go

through this.

This is the first stage.


He calls it trust versus mistrust and according to his theory

the way I understand it is how you navigate through each

of these stages impacts.

How you go through the next stage?

Okay.

So now remember we were talking about not spoiling babies

when we talked about infancy.

That's what he's talking about.

That's the baby learned that this is a trust.

Place a trusting home trusting people or do are they do they

develop mistrust because of circumstances?

And depending on how they develop their when they get to

Erikson second stage that he calls toddlerhood and I'm writing

12 to 36 months.

This is when he talks about autonomy versus shame ER Dao.

So one year to three years old.

Once the major Milestone.

What does every single adult with a child want them to learn

to do?

What's the big thing at this stage of your life?

Yeah.

I do got it potty training toilet learning whatever you calling

it, right?

So now if autonomy learning to be independent, Handed, you

know and your own person versus shame and doubt.

What do you think what happens with the shame and doubt?

How can that get blown disproportionately out of hands during


this stage of life.

Think about what are some of the ways people get toilet murdered.

Come on, Liam, you know this thing it's forcing.

telling a child like Take your time.

Making the child feel that they're not doing things right

on a constant basis.

I'm bad.

I'm not good enough instilling those rather than the positive

things. I want you to rather than you shouldn't be doing

right exactly.

See it's when you shave a child and make him feel less than

or inferior or not.

Enough that's going to impact, you know, they're successive

whatever it is.

They're attempting right but then when they get down to being

a three to five year old in preschool, their third stage

the three to five-year-old initiative versus guilt.

This is where we want them to still feel good about themselves

not doubt themselves.

And we want them to take initiative because that's valued

in our culture.

Right but if their experiences prior to getting there were

of being ridiculed or shade or an easier way to put it is

if people have had unrealistic expectations for them, right

and they've internalized that then it makes it very difficult

to be the successful.

Oh my God, but read a five-year-old.


Okay, then the fourth stage of are since are halfway through

our lives according to think Erickson, which now he calls

his school age for us in early care.

We divide this into two chunks because he actually has it

between the ages of 6 and 12.

That's a pretty large band.

Okay.

So we divide it between the ages of 6 and 8 so that first

second third grade and then nine through 12 So that's fourth

fifth sixth grade when I was in school that was still elementary

school. So by the time so we call it like early childhood

then we call it middle childhood.

And here this is what he calls this stage industry versus

inferiority. So already by age 6, okay, they're in the third

grade either they have had successful.

Gation, you know through these other these previous three

stages. They're feeling good.

They're on target.

They've got good reading skills.

They have the right skills.

They're feeling confident, you know, so they're still curious

and want to learn and want to you know, continue versus sad,

but true already checked out.

Make sense.

And remember I said sad but true around 9:00 and 12:00 when

they're starting to experiment with you.

No chemicals and those things oftentimes you can you know,


make a correlation between you know, unsuccessful navigation

up here are the time they've got here.

And on the back is fifth stage that he calls adolescence.

He defines that between the ages of 13 and 19 and he looks

at he says we're working on he calls them dilemmas.

We're working on identity versus role confusion.

So in our Western culture here in our American culture, you

know, we consider 18 as An adult right?

You're already supposed to know what you're going to do you

heading off to college little to know what you got to study,

you know, blah, you know, we live this right but this is

where there's still some role confusion.

This is also a time when a lot of people with gender identity

issues will start to come out because they're really like,

okay. I've got to figure this stuff out now and navigating

through a well Essence going into what he calls young adulthood

the sixth stage the 20 to 40 year old intimacy versus isolation.

It's it's traditionally in this American culture.

it's not too long ago where that was the expected age where

people coupled up Mary started families bought homes, you

know all of those grown up things and you know our society

now, you know, there's a lot of barriers sure that this timeframe

is shifting a little bit but I think people are still trying

to figure out you know, if I'm going to be by myself or my

son and you know have a significant other person in my life.

And what does that mean and then his seventh stage which

he calls adulthood?


I think that's probably most of us is 40 to 60 ages 40 to

65. He caused this.

Help me Jay.

I've never said that word you I cannot say that work.

It does not come out of my brain.

The one that starts with a Jeep generative capacity how to

do good.

Thank you the same for us.

So it is versus self-absorption.

So it when you're 40 to 65 inches.

You know.

Are you self-absorbed?

Did you accomplish what you wanted to accomplish?

Have you achieved your goals?

Have you arrived?

Do you have all those things and this is sort of what you're

sitting with right.

Now.

This is where people there's a term that I'm sure most of

you have heard about midlife crisis that happens here.

You know my oh my you know, it's like did I really am I?

Really the person that I thought I would be when I get here

and we're navigating that and then finally he actually altered

this to his eighth stage what he calls older adulthood.

It's now 65 and he changed it to death.

So I think they used to be a number but it's from 65 until

you die.


He's calling this integrity versus Despair and This is really

like oh my God, I can't believe I'm 65.

I'm you know can see Over the Horizon, you know, are you

are you satisfied with what you've done in your life, you

know, did you achieve your dreams or your goals?

If you haven't this is I think where we talk about making

that bucket list.

So according to Erickson, this is how we all live and die

Cradle to the Grave.

So it is pretty interesting, you know.

Don't memorize it.

It's not going to serve you that well, but just to be aware

that it is a natural sequence of development.

And the one thing I do want you to know more so for our purposes

with young children how they navigate through these first

two to three stages of development is going to impact them

for the rest of their lives and share.

It has already pointed out to you that in most of the situations

where you're fostering a A child or you're supporting a child

and their family Faith.

They've had some adverse Beginnings.

It wasn't so wonderful so you can make up for it.

You know, it's never too late.

But you need to be aware of that because it's going to impact

everything else thought is questions comments about that.

Whoever fails six first.

Eternal optimist but Sharon was that because of my comment.


Okay, good.

Okay, so no, I believe that human beings.

Our minds are very malleable that we can adjust.

I think we can do our own self.

I don't know what other word to use our own self.

I think that's why a lot of people make money as therapist,

you know, they get paid for us to go to them to do our own

work. So if I hold onto that that does give me hope and all

of you are sitting here whether you realize it or not sharing

that same hope or you wouldn't be willing to help families

and children.

So that give us enough time.

i'm sheila norman

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