illogical wisdom - book design final2.pdf · 2016. 3. 23. · illogical wisdom 1 to ruthie god...
TRANSCRIPT
Illogical Wisdom
1
To Ruthie
God loved you so much that he orchestrated all of
these events, people and circumstances for you to
become our daughter, sister, granddaughter and friend.
Ruth 2: 12 – May the Lord repay you for what you have
done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the
God of Israel, under whose wings you have come
to take refuge.
I love you so much.
Daddy
As do we.
Daddy x 2, Mommy x 2, Caleb, Joshua, Zach, The Milk
Man and Cheerio, Grandma, Nana and Papa,
Grandmother, Granddaddy and Mimi, Your Aunts,
Uncles, Cousins and Friends.
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Introduction
My name is Mark Hodge and I coach football at
Chapman High School in Inman, South Carolina. My
wife Dana teaches fourth grade at Campobello Gramling
School. We have been blessed with two beautiful and
healthy boys; Caleb who is ten years old and Joshua
who is six years old. This is a story of how God added
to our life through adoption. Years ago we felt led to
adopt and completed the adoption certification through
DSS. We felt God was going to use us to help the life of
a child. Amazingly, but not surprisingly, God’s plans
were much greater than ours. He not only wanted us to
help one child, but He wanted us to help multiple
children and extend our families as well. This is the
story of how Ruthie, and many others, came into our
lives through an open adoptionwhich has blessed
many.This story tells how God orchestrated all the
events to make it happen and how He has blessed us to
see His will unfold. I wrote this story for Ruthie. I want
her to see how fearfully and wonderfully made she is. I
want her to know how much God loves her, her
biological family loves her and how much her adopted
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family loves her. I want her to know the details that
God worked out in early 2014 to bring these families
together, to live lifewith this precious angel on earth. If
anyone else reads this, may you be blessed as well.
Isaiah 55: 8-9. 8
―For my thoughts are not your
thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,‖
declares the LORD. 9
―As the heavens are higher than
the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my
thoughts than your thoughts.
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The Missed Call
It was Sunday, January 27, 2013. Besides the
church meeting I attended that afternoon, the day had
been like any other Sunday.The deacons’ meeting is
important to this story simply because it is where I
turned the ringer of my iPhone off. This would turn out
to be huge in the plans He had for Ruthie.
That night when I got home, my eldest son began
to run a fever. Being a high school football coach, my
wife stays with sick kids during the season and I stay
with them during the spring. Therefore, I made
arrangements to miss the following Monday and stay
home with my son.
Monday morning Caleb slept in and I did some work for
an upcoming parent meeting. I was using both my
iPhone and laptop during this process. Due to the
excessive iPhone use my cell battery depleted pretty
quickly.
In the mean time, Caleb had awaken and eaten.
He was feeling better and began to watch a movie. I
came to an ending point and put away my work. I took
my cell phone to my room to charge and then made us
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lunch. After lunch he laid on one couch and I the other.
We were both benefiting from the rest and enjoying a
movie together.
Then the home phone rang. I told Caleb to get
up and answer the phone. He replied that he was sick
and for me to answer it. I told him if it was important
they would call my cell phone. You see, the thing is our
home phone never rings. If the home phone rings
it’seither my mother, family friends - the Gentry’s, or
telemarketers. The caller id voice didn't say
grandmother or Sheila Gentry, so we assumed it was
telemarketers. No worries.
Thirty or so minutes later I went to check my
phone for work related messages. I saw where I had a
voicemail. After yesterday's church meeting I forgot to
turn my ringer on.Therefore, I had not realized I had
missed a call. I told Caleb if it is important, they will
call my cell phone... Well it was important and they did
call my cell phone. They called my wife's cell phone as
well. Being a busy fourth grade teacher, she left her
phone on her desk during computer lab. She missed the
call as well. We later found out they called both the
schools we worked at, or so they thought we worked at.
At the beginning of the year I accepted a new
position as head football coach at Chapman High School
in Spartanburg County. My wife also accepted a
position at Campobello Gramling School at the same
time. This move unified our family and allowed our
kids to attend school with us. God really blessed our
family with this opportunity and the move went without
a hitch...except for one thing.
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Dana and I forgot to update our paperwork and
list our new work numbers. Not only did they leave a
message at home and on both cell phones, but they
called the previous schools we had worked for. Both
schools informed them that my wife and I no longer
were employed there. After waiting a short while for
either of us to return any of their messages, the urgency
of the situation called for them to move on to the next
family. I found this out when, forty minutes later, I
returned their call.
I must admit the information I was receiving was
crushing. We were sure we had been called by God for
this service and could not wrap our brains around why
we had been allowed to miss this call.
The following is an email I sent out the next day. I
sent it to our family members, friends and colleagues. It
will explain things a little more clearly.
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From: Mark Hodge
Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 7:01 PM
To:
Subject: When the phone rings, do you answer it?
What a simple question. Can life change much either
way? Well, let me tell you about today. Caleb has been
sick and missed school Friday and today. I stayed home
with him today and as he rested I got some work done
for a meeting tomorrow.I was bouncing back and forth
between the lap top and iphone. Due to the excessive
use my phone was beginning to die. Keep in mind I
always keep my phone on me due to the family,
recruiting and being available for kids at school.
At this time I took my phone to my bedroom to charge. I
put my phone on vibrate in a meeting at church
yesterday and never turned the ringer back on.At 1:11
the house phone rang and Caleb and I did not recognize
the name on the caller i.d. Our caller i.d. reads the
name aloud. The phones were in another room and
because we did not recognize the name we allowed the
answering machine to pick up. In my mind I was
thinking if it is important, they will call my cell phone.
Little did I know they did call it, and Dana's cell phone
and my work number and Dana's work number - at least
they thought. Around 1:45 I happened to go get my
phone and noticed I had some new text messages and
emails. I failed to see a new voice mail and began
answering the emails. At this time Dana called and
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asked if I got a message from the adoption agency. As I
checked, I found the missed message on my phone and
answering machine was from the adoption agency. It
was an urgent request to call them back.
Once we finally got in touch with them we found out that
they were calling to ask us to come pick up a newborn
baby girl. As they were trying to contact us, the number
they had for Dana was her old work number. Due to the
fact our information had not been updated, none of the
calls were answered and fact we did not immediately
return their calls, they moved to the next couple. All of
this happened within an hour.
So, tonight there is a couple ecstatic in the fact that their
home has been added to. There is a baby girl who will
never know the walls of an orphanage. There is also a
blessed family at 102 Edgecombe Rd who believes God
has a plan that includes a father and son to lazy to
answer the phone. We are really excited and praying
for the family who answered the call. We are a little
saddened in our efforts not to.
However, I can't wait to tell my future little girl that God
loved her so much that he allowed a dead iphone battery
and two lazy boys play a part in her future. I don't know
where she is tonight, or when we will get that call. But
until then, pray for the ecstatic couple and baby girl
who were placed together tonight. Pray for us as we are
now far more aware of the phone. Pray for your future
granddaughter and niece , the current children of our
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family, and all the other children out there. As we
learned today, when it happens it happens fast! We
love all of you.
God Bless!
Mark Hodge
Head Football Coach
Chapman High School
You see, God had called us to adopt. At least up until
this moment we thought he did.
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The Clinic
Six months later in late July, I came through the
vendor section of the summer coaches’ clinic hoping to
run into Coach Owens. Bill Owens is one of my
mentors and best friends in coaching and in life. He
gave me my first coordinator job when I worked for him
at Broome High School. As I came around the corner, I
saw him and another dear friend, Randy Burns sliding
behind the vendors’ curtain. I hustled over and peaked
my head through the curtain and asked where they were
sneaking off to. Bill smiled and told me he was glad I
saw them and asked me to join them. He said he had
some information that he needed to share with both of
us.
I immediately got excited. My first thought was that
he was going to take the head football job at Boiling
Springs High School, the sister school to Chesnee High
School where Bill was currently the athletic director.
The Boiling Springs job had just come open at a very
late time for football openings. Bill’s name was a
logical option since he was currently in their district. I
was kind of giddy of the thought of him coaching again.
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The last time he was on a football field was during our
state championship victory in 2004 while we were both
still at Broome.
Quickly my giddiness turned to speechless shock.
Bill set Randy and I down and just came right out and
told us that his fifteen year old daughter Rebecca was
pregnant. This information was truly a bombshell. Bill
and Pam Owens are truly two of the most God fearing
parents I know. I have watched Bill persevere through
many unfortunate situations and never flinch on his
faith. I knew Rebecca was brought up in their Christian
home and instilled in God’s ways. Rebecca is a
beautiful young woman who has a doll’s face and
agenuine spirit. Rebecca Owens would be the last
person you would think you would hear this kind of
news about.
Bill went on to tell us that the baby was from an
interracial relationship and the father was a few years
older than her. All he told us was that he was an athlete
who played for one of my best friends at Chesnee. At
the time he had no answers and no plan. He simply
requested that we pray for Rebecca, their family, the
baby, the father, and the situation as a whole.
At this information, I went cold. I instantly felt
guilty and ashamed. Dana and I had felt led to adopt for
years now. We eagerly wanted to bring a little girl into
our home under the age of Joshua, our youngest child.
The only parameter we placed on the potential adoption
wasthat the child possesses no medical conditions that
would require our two boys to stop participating in the
activities they enjoyed. The feelings of guilt and shame
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came in the fact that I often joked that I wanted our baby
to be a mixed child so people who did not know us
would wonder which parent cheated on whom. I know
this is lame and trivial, but it was just some fun we had
with those who knew we were adopting. The interracial
issue was not what bothered me; the part that bothered
me was I instantly thought about our adoption when Bill
told of the pregnancy. I instantly wondered if this was
the plan? At this I cringed. I did not want a child at the
cost of Rebecca going through a teenage pregnancy. I
felt even smaller because I thought this child might
actually have something to do with our adoption. I was
very disappointed in my thoughts, in my
rationalizations, and in my selfishness. At the same
time I was hurting for Rebecca, her family and the
young father. Wow…What was going to happen
now?Jeremiah 29:13. You will seekme and find me
when you seekme with all your heart.
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The Answered Text
It was after 10:00 pm on Sunday, February 16, 2014,
when Dana got the text. I was asleep in bed beside Dana
when she woke me saying it’s Rebecca. Rebecca texted
Dana and asked if we would be willing to come to her
house the next evening. We immediately replied yes
and spent the next waking hours, which included most
of that night, wondering where this conversation would
lead. We knew God was orchestrating all of this, but
none the less we could not keep our minds from racing.
Monday night, after Joshua’sUpwardbasketball
practice, we headed over to Bill and Pam’s. Once we
arrived we all dined on 5 star pizza from Lil Ceasers!
Looking back it seems pizza is a staple in our
relationship with the Owens. While we ate, it was
obvious all of us were anxious and dodging the elephant
in the room. After eating, Bill invited us into the
sunroom to converse. We left the boys inside to
entertain themselves on the Wii. As we got comfortable,
Bill explained that Rebecca had requested we come over
and that she had some things to share with us. At this
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point Rebecca preciously indicated that she felt God was
leading her to ask us to adopt her baby. Dana
immediately took her by the hand and told her how
much we loved her and we would be honored to partner
with her in the raising of this child.
The next few hours were filled with tears, laughter,
hugs, recalled memories and what ifs. The common
thread to all of it was God’s presence and reassurance.
My verse of the day had been preparing my heart all day
for the information would receive later that evening.
Romans 8: 35, 37. 35
Can anything ever separate us
from Christ‘s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us
if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or
hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with
death? 37
No, despite all these things, overwhelming
victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.We knew if
God was asking us to collectively do this, that He would
guide the process. We also knew that He would love us
and carry us when we couldn’t walk. We knew He
would love Rebecca and Jay and show them through His
word where He willingly gave His child, Jesus, for us.
We prayed earnestly for His reassurance and direction in
all of this, but deep down we already knew God would
cover it. There was joy in this moment, but also tears.
The emotions felt and expressed were clearly tangled.
We talked about Rebecca’s future plans, goals and
ambitions. We talked about Bill and Pam’s relationship
as grandparents. We talked about the baby’s name. We
talked about a lot of stuff. As time went by we realized
there were still a lot of things to talk about. Things like
pictures, what would Rebecca be called, visitations, etc.
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We decided that God was driving this illogical bus and
we would not place any boundaries on it. We knew
through prayer and petition God would make us wise to
all things to come.
One answered text clarified the sovereignty of one
unanswered called.
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Preparatory Sovereignties
We first met Rebecca when her father came to be the
head coach at Broome High School. Rebecca was two
at the time and Dana and I had just begun dating. I was
teaching and coaching at Broome, and Dana was going
back to school to become a teacher. The relationships I
was forming with Dana, Bill, Shane Williamson and
Jimmy Anderson were changing me. They were living
God’s love, and I wanted to be more like them. What I
failed to see at the time was they were trying to be like
Christ. The living witness these people displayed drew
me in. I am a prime example of how witnessing others
living out God’s love and ways are not only a testament,
but life changing to others.
The years passed and many events blessed and
scarred our lives. We were all together for Dana’s and
my wedding. For Bill and Pam’s loss with a
miscarriage.For a state championship football
season.For a heartbreaking ending to our tenure at
Broome. For God’s calling for us to go in separate
directions, each being led to be the head of various
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organizations as leaders, directors or head coaches. For
Bill and Pam’s adoption of Zach and the medical
procedures Zach had to go through. For all kinds of
FCA camps.For the birth of my children. At one point
during the delivery of my first child when I was overly
concerned and scared, Bill, Shane and Jimmy all called
within fifteen minutes of each other. Through it all
though, we always found time to reconnect and get back
together. The relationships our families developed were
spiritually blessed and dear to all of us.
As we look back, we can see where God was
orchestrating this plan many years ago. Not only has
God blessed us with a new baby girl, new relationships
and extended families, but He has allowed us to see into
the depths of His thoughts and creations. He has
allowed us to peak behind the veil and show us where
we are living His promises and word.
Psalms 139:13-16. 13
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother‘s womb. 14
I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your
works are wonderful, I know that full well.15
My frame
was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret
place, when I was woven together in the depths of the
earth. 16
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days
ordained for me were written in your book before one of
them came to be.
Not only does this verse speak directly of Ruthie, but
of all of us, of all our situations and circumstances. God
has blessed us to knowingly live His word. The
following are providences and sovereignties that
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occurred to bring us to the life we currently live
collectively together.
FCA Camp – It was hot. Really hot in Conway,
South Carolina. Dana and I had volunteered to run the
water at the FCA 7 on 7 camp at Coastal Carolina.
Actually, I kept the water coolers full and Dana baby sat
Caleb and Rebecca. Joshua had not been born yet, so
Dana spent roughly seventy two hours taking care of the
children. At the time, this time will Rebecca did not
seem to be that remarkable. To be honest, I had
forgotten all about this trip. It was not until Rebecca
brought it up and indicated that it was this weekend
when she first felt that Dana was a good mother.
Rebecca’s memories of how she was treated over seven
years ago led her to the decision to pick Dana to be the
adopted mother of her child. And Dana thought she was
just babysitting.
Adoption References – In getting approved to adopt
through DSS, we had to have letters of
recommendations written on our behalf. Over two years
ago, one of these references was written by Bill and Pam
Owens. Before Rebecca and Jay had met, before Ruthie
had been conceived, before Dana and I were even
considered to adopt Ruthie, her biological grandparents
referred us to adopt her!
Chapman or Chesnee – Two years ago both
football head coaching jobs came open at Chapman and
Chesnee High School. To those that know us, they felt
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Chesnee was the obvious placement for us. God had
blessed us with a great football experiences and we were
coming off great seasons at Carolina. Combine this with
the fact that I worked for Bill at Broome, that he was
one of my mentors in coaching as well as life, and he
now was the current athletic director at Chesnee, most
people thought Chesnee was a viable option. We did as
well.
God’s plans were different. God led us to Chapman
and we were unsure why. I remember telling Greg
Wilson, the athletic director at Chapman, that
meaccepting a position at Chapman and not even
pursuing a possible job at Chesnee was a huge step of
faith for me. I told him that I truly trusted Bill and knew
that my best interest would be taken care of by him.
Why God made it clear to come to Chapman I was not
sure at the time. Now I am. I praise Him for
orchestrating our move to District One, through Dr.
Garner, The School Board, Mrs. Mathis, Coach Wilson,
and Inman community. Proverbs 16:9.In their hearts
humans plan their course,but the LORD establishes their
steps.
Chesnee – I told Bill that I was removing my name
from the application pool at Chesnee. I was going to
accept the position at Chapman and, other than a calling,
I was unsure of why. I just happened to be talking to
Bill on the deadline date for applicants for the Chesnee
job. I knew one of my best friends, Lynn Fleming, was
applying for the Chesnee job, and I asked Bill if he had a
shot. Bill indicated that he had not received an
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application from Lynn. I knew Lynn had applied and I
called and told him. He immediately went to his office
and sent his application directly to Bill.
Not sure why Bill and I had that conversation that
day, other than the fact that God had created that
position at Chesnee for Lynn. We were so excited when
Lynn accepted the Chesnee job. It would move his
family closer to home and allow us to not only spend
more time together, but compete against in each other in
a classic Spartanburg County rivalry. Over the past two
years we have spent a lot of time with each other’s
programs. The games are violent, but the respect and
love is felt on and across the field. Lynn would do
anything for my players, as I would for his.
Not only did God allow us to spend much more time
together, but He also had a predetermined reason for
Lynn to be at Chesnee. Ruthie’s birth father was
actually one of Lynn’s players at Chesnee: Jay Evans.
God used Lynn’s relationship with Jay to help foster my
relationship with Jay. Lynn made himself available to
Jay throughout these minutes, hours and days of
uncertainty. Lynn was there for Jay the night Rebecca
told him thatshe felt God was leading her to ask us to
adopt Ruthie. Lynn waited at the Chesnee High School
weight room incase Jay felt the need to talk. Jay did and
Lynn was there for him. Lynn also communicated
encouragement and support to Jay, as well as offered the
much needed and timely advice that Jay seeked. Lynn is
also currently playing a role in Jay’s future plan by
helping establish a plan and support structure to aid Jay
in reaching his goals.
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Throughout the process, Lynn has been a sounding
board, advocate and support structure for Jay, Rebecca,
Bill and myself. He was often the sound of reason and
his actions and thoughts were based entirely upon love.
Through friendships and high school football, God was
establishing the relationships that needed to come
together so His plans could come to be. Proverbs 18:24.
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but
there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Inman Mills Baptist Church – I was invited to
speak at the men’s service on January 19, 2014. I was
really not sure what I was going to speak on. I have
done many devotions over the years. Our football
program is designed around God’s calling for us to be
great men of God who become husbands and fathers
who don’t flinch in the face of adversity. I have done
may devotions based upon these principals. I felt I
would use a devotionalong these linesthat I had
previously done. However, on the way home from
work the Thursday before, God spoke to me about being
illogical.
I like to use reference words when I do my
devotions. I like to know what God says about words or
concepts. Over the next few days, as I prepared for the
men’s day devotion, Godmade some things pretty clear
to me. First of all I found that the word logic exist zero
times in the bible. I searched Webster’s and found the
definition for logic is: a proper or reasonable way of
thinking about or understanding something. It became
clear that logical thinking is thinking that is limited by
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mans “facts or reason.” Logical thinking prevents the
possibility for miracles. Essentially, logical thinking
limits God.
God was calling me to challenge the church, my
team, and my family to be illogical. He also made it
clear that in this process to not be foolish. He made it
clear to use wisdom. Wisdom appears throughout the
Bible. Wisdom is the way of the Bible. As God tells us,
wisdom was present before creation.Proverbs 8.Does
not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her
voice? 2
At the highest point along the way, where the
paths meet, she takes her stand; 3
beside the gate leading
into the city, at the entrance, she cries aloud:4
―To you,
O people, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind. 5
You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are
foolish, set your hearts on it6Listen, for I have
trustworthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what
is right. 7 My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips
detest wickedness. 8
All the words of my mouth are just;
none of them is crooked or perverse. 9
To the discerning
all of them are right; they are upright to those who have
found knowledge. 10
Choose my instruction instead of
silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, 11
for wisdom
is more precious than rubies,
and nothing you desire can compare with her. 12
―I,
wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess
knowledge and discretion. 13
To fear the LORD is to hate
evil; I hate pride and arrogance,evil behavior and
perverse speech. 14
Counsel and sound judgment are
mine; I have insight, I have power. 15
By me kings reign
and rulers issue decrees that are just; 16
by me princes
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govern,and nobles—all who rule on earth. 17
I love those
who love me, and those who seek me find me.18
With me
are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. 19
My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield
surpasses choice silver. 20
I walk in the way of
righteousness, along the paths of justice, 21
bestowing a
rich inheritance on those who love me and making their
treasuries full. 22
―The LORD brought me forth as the
first of his works, before his deeds of old; 23
I was
formed long ages ago, at the very beginning, when the
world came to be. 24
When there were no watery depths,
I was given birth, when there were no springs
overflowing with water; 25
before the mountains were
settled in place, before the hills, I was given birth,26
before he made the world or its fields or any of the dust
of the earth. 27
I was there when he set the heavens in
place, when he marked out the horizon on the face of the
deep, 28
when he established the clouds above and fixed
securely the fountains of the deep,29
when he gave the
sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep his
command, and when he marked out the foundations of
the earth. 30
Then I was constantly at his side. I was
filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his
presence,31
rejoicing in his whole world and delighting
in mankind. 32
―Now then, my children, listen to me;
blessed are those who keep my ways. 33
Listen to my
instruction and be wise; do not disregard it. 34
Blessed
are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors,
waiting at my doorway. 35
For those who find me find
life and receive favor from the LORD. 36
But those who
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fail to find me harm themselves; all who hate me love
death.‖
God was calling us to be illogically wise! He was
calling us to leave Him room to work miracles. Little
did I know that He was actually calling for us to live a
miracle!
Student Teacher – It was no accident that this
semester God worked out an interesting situation where
Mrs. Bailey and I shared a student teacher – Joshua
Hyman. I knew of Josh as a player in high school and
from watching him play baseball at Wofford. Josh is an
outstanding young man. He has a great personality and
is not afraid to say he loves Jesus. Josh quickly
established rapport within the classroom, within the
math department and on our hall. God knew that I was
going to need time to devote to Ruthie’s situation and
therefore miss some class time. He loves us so much
that he planned for this, with Josh. It is no accident that
Josh was placed at Chapman with Mrs. Bailey and me.
It was no accident that he was scheduled to teach the full
load at the time all of the adoption events unfolded.
Josh is teaching our second block as I type this now.
Another detail God planned for. I Chronicles 28:19.
―All this,‖ David said, ―I have in writing as a result of
the Lord‘s hand on me, and he enabled me to
understand all the details of the plan.‖
CGS – There are three couples who have been dear
to our lives for a long, long time. We were all a part of
each other’s college years, marriages and current
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families. The Gentries (Mike, Sheila, Cooper and
Kirby), Flemings (Lynn, Ashley, Tyler and Chelse),
Calloways (Brad, Jen, Nathan and Jenna) and Hodges
have done many things together. We found it thrilling
that our lives reconnected so closely and that all our
children joined Campobello Gramling School in the fall
of 2012. It was a blessing for us to get to live life so
closely together. Little did we know in 2012 that this
would benefit us so much in the days of Ruthie. Each
family was available to take care of our children as Dana
and I had to go to various meetings and spend time at
the hospital. The three days we were at the hospital with
Rebecca, these three families rallied around our children
and made sure they were well taken care of. God has
gifted us with such great friends, that not once did we
worry about Caleb and Joshua. We could write a book
just on the experiences we have lived with each of these
couples. Ruthie will spend many, many days of her life
with these people. We can’t thank God enough for their
friendship and availability. They are the backbone of
the daily lives of this story. We do life together.
The Notary Republic – I talked to the adoption
counselor about how the consents would be taken. She
explained the process and said there must be a witness
and a notary republic available. She explained that the
hospital usually has a notary republic there, but
sometimes in the later hours they are not available.
Dana, Bill and I began brainstorming on late night
notary republics if we needed one. Bill thought of his
secretary. Dana thought of her aunt. I just sat there not
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knowing what I was I thinking, then I heard Nana
Cheryl say, “I’ve told you all three times I am a notary
republic.” I had to laugh. God had provided another
need.
The Elevator – I sat in front of the elevator for
hours the day Ruthie was being born. I watched
countless people get on and off. It was at this elevator
where I ran into one of my former players who was there
for the delivery of his first child. I was blessed to be
able to spend some time with Damon Brisco the day his
son was born. If we recall correctly, eighteen babies
were born over that twenty four hour stretch. Every
time a child is born, the hospital plays “Twinkle,
Twinkle Little Star” over the PA system. They were
coming so fast and the song played so often people
began to catch a rhythm and dance to it!
There was a time after Ruthie was born where the
waiting room got to be a little uncomfortable. There
were a lot of different personalities and the small talk
had subsided. At this moment I was trying to think of
ways to ease some of the tension. At this thought God
gently whispered, “I’ve carried the situation this far, I
won’t stop now.” So, I sat quietly. Then elevatordoors
opened and out came four of Rebecca’s and Jay’s
friends. Two of whom played football for Lynn so I
knew them. There is nothing spectacular about this,
except that God orchestrated their day so they would
show up at this very moment. Simply being there at this
exact time promoted small talk and relieved a time of
tension. God’s timing is perfect even with the smallest
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details. Something as simple as the timing of when four
friends got off the elevator was includedin God’s perfect
plan for us.1 Kings 19:12. 12
After the earthquake came
a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire
came a gentle whisper.
The License Plate – While leaving the parking
garage to pick up Dana and Ruthie, the day we left the
hospital, I was overcome with emotion. I was sobbing
and could hardly breathe. So many thoughts were flying
through my mind. As I pulled up to the parking circle,
God again spoke love into the story. The car in front of
me had a license plate that read: ”AMZNGRACE.”
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The Lawyer
A private adoption is a much different ballgame
that a DSS adoption. There are nuances of a private
situation that the prospective parents are responsible for,
where in a DSS adoption the state handles them. I was
really not sure where to start looking for help or advice.
In talking with Bill about how to handle the potential
legalities involved, he recommended that I call Matt
Henderson. Matt was the lawyer who represented Bill
and Pam as they adopted Zach. He mentioned how loyal
to adoptions Matt was and how he and his staff worked
for the best interest of the adopting family. He
mentioned that Matt and his wife had adopted numerous
children as well. This man sounded very familiar to me.
I asked if he lived in Landrum and Bill said,“yes.” At
this moment I knew where I had met Matt before.
I always enjoy the Veterans Day Ceremony at
our school. I love getting to meet the veterans and
hearing their stories and encouragement to the students
and staff. I am overly blessed to be able to teach and
coach high school kids. This opportunity was provided
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by those who dedicatedly served our country. Chapman
does a beautiful job honoring these men and women and
allows us the opportunity to serve them, if at least for a
day. It is very rewarding to be able to serve those who
served for us.
I was looking forward to the Veterans Day
Ceremony 2013 like all the others. I had no idea who
was going to speak to us, but I was excited to hear them.
The guest speaker this day was especially impressive.
He possessed the same qualities of most other
distinguished veterans that have spoken before, but there
were a few things that stood out about him.
First of all he mentioned that he had adopted 10
children. This initiated cold chills throughout my body
because I just read an email from my wife on my phone.
In her email she spoke of how God called her out of bed
that morning to specifically pray about our adoption. At
this point our faith in our possible adoption was
wavering due to the length of time we had been waiting.
Due to Dana's email, I too made it a point to pray
specifically at this time about our potential adoption. In
the middle of this moment,a man is speaking on behalf
of veterans and adoption comes up. Talk about faith
being reassured.
The second thing about him that grabbed my
spirit was he did not fear telling the students and staff
that God loved them and had a plan for them.
Throughout his speech he mentioned God’s plan and
love and made a point to end on his promises. He
concluded his speech with a prayer for all of us. Not
only did he pray for our school and students, but he
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specifically prayed for our football team, who I just
happened to be the head coach of.
After the assembly I made a point to thank him
for his prayers and testimony. I explained our adoption
situation and could not help but wonder if he could
potentially help when and if we finally got the call.
There was no doubt that God used this man - Matt
Henderson - to reaffirm, his calling in our lives, but also
to open the boundaries that we were putting on the
situation. God was already orchestrating future
relationships at a Veterans Dayceremony. Below is a
copy of the email exchange my wife and I had that day.
Pay attention to the times. Only God…
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From: Dana Hodge
Date: November 11, 2013, 9:42:20 AM EST
To: Mark Hodge
Subject: You
I hope you are having a wonderful day!! I have
something to tell, but God really woke me up this
morning and told me to go and pray about our adoption.
I felt like he was saying it was going to happen soon. I
clearly woke up and he said, "Get up, go pray about
your adoption". Just thought I would share that with
you! I will be at Chapman this afternoon for meetings
from 3:30 to 5:30 but I am sending the boys over on the
Chapman bus. I love you~
Dana Hodge
4th Grade Math and Science
Campobello Gramling School
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From: Mark Hodge
Date: November 11, 2013, 10:15:20 AM EST
To: Dana Hodge
Subject: Re: You
Our Veterans Day speaker is a lawyer in Spartanburg.
He gave credit to God and challenged the kids to
realize their created purpose. He prayed and prayed for
our football team. He handles DSS adoptions. He has
adopted 10 kids. I asked him to specifically pray for us
afterwards.
God Bless!
Mark Hodge
Head Football Coach
Chapman HS
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Jay
Text from Me (2/24/2014): Jay, this is coach hodge at
chapman. I want you to know you've been heavy on my
heart and in my prayers of late. I can only imagine
what you are feeling because of what I do. I love
helping young men and being a part of their
development. This is why I coach. I understand the
situation we are all facing is very complex and
confusing. I am relaying on God to make it clear what
needs to be done. I would love to get with you some
time and tell you how Dana and i ended up in the
discussion. I also want to know your heart, thoughts
and wishes. My prayer is that great things, only God
things, come from all of this. Let me know when is a
good time and I will make sure the place is convenient
for you. If you'd like your mother, coach Fleming or
anyone else there, I am good with that as well. Praying
for all of us!
Jay (2/26/2014): Sorry so late coach..butits just hard..i
want her to know im her father an stuff..i want to keep
her an all that..i can show her love time give her needs
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an all that..ani appreciate everything you an danawillin
to do
Me (2/26/2014): I feel u. Im going to call you. Answer.
I won't keep you but a second.
Jay (2/26/2014): Yessir
Jay did answer when I called. I explained to him
that Dana and I had been going through the adoption
process long before he ever met Rebecca. I explained
that we were not trying to take his baby from him, but
that we were trying to help. I asked Jay if he would be
willing to meet with me and at least hear what I had to
say. I told him, whatever his decision, we would
support it, but I wanted him to have all the information
as he made his decision. I told him I did not want him
to be able to say one day, “If I knew that, then…” I
asked him to bring his mother, or anyone else whom he
felt would be an advocate for him. Jay and I had met
through athletic competitions, but I did not really know
him. I wanted to make sure he was as protected and
comfortable as possible. Jay did agree to meet with me.
He suggested we meet at McDonalds that night at 8:00.
I pulled into McDonalds a little apprehensive.
What was going to happen, would I say the things God
intended me to say? Would the situation be
uncomfortable, smooth, calm, what? Oh man, I was so
anxious.
As I waited for Jay and his mother, Misty, I
noticed another couple and their children at the counter.
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The man was being a total jerk. He was talking ugly to
the children and ugly to the lady. At one point he acted
as if he would hit her. At this moment, my blood
pressure escalated and I began to say something. At this
time they started acting as if they were playing with
each other. I was not sure if they were kidding or not,
but all I could think was Jay and his mother were going
to walk into McDonalds and find me in a fight. Talk
about first impressions. I can’t help but believe that
God used this moment to calm my nerves and remove
any apprehension or premeditated thoughts from my
mind.
As Jay and his mother entered, I felt a peace
come over the situation. I did not know where the
conversation would lead, but I felt that God was in the
room. After we greeted and introduced ourselves, we
sat at a table and talked. I thanked them for coming and
then began to share how we arrived at this situation. I
spoke of my wife and children and showed pictures of
them. I expressed that adoption was something we felt
we had been led to do for some time. I informed them
that we had been approved to adopt long before Jay and
Rebecca met. I wanted to ensure them that this was not
some ploy to take Ruthie from them or limit them in any
way.
I expressed that when we agreed to potentially
adopt Ruthie, we did so with positive intentions for all.
This whole situation quickly becamefar more
complicated than we first imagined. Dana and I thought
we would be able to help a child through adoption. We
felt it would be a child whom we had no contact with
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her biological parents. This situation quickly threw a
monkey wrench in our thoughts. However, God quickly
reminded us that his thoughts and ways are not the same
as ours. This was evident by the scriptures of the day I
would receive on my Bible Gateway App.
On the Monday I initially contacted Jay through
text, the daily verse was Jeremiah 29:11-13. 11
For I
know the plans I have for you,‖ declares the LORD,
―plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future.12
Then you will call on me and
come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.13
You will
seek me and find me when you seek me with all your
heart.
On the Tuesday when I waited to hear from Jay
the verse reminded me to make sure Jay was a priority in
this as well. Matthew 22:37-39. 37
Jesus replied: ―‗Love
the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your
soul and with all your mind.‘38
This is the first and
greatest commandment.39
And the second is like it: ‗Love
your neighbor as yourself.‘
On Wednesday when Jay returned my call, God
reminded me of true sacrifice and how hard it is to give
up a child for the good. I John 4:9. 9
This is how God
showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son
into the world that we might live through him.
It was obvious God was preparing my heart,
mind and thoughts for this conversation with Jay and his
mother. As I spoke with Jay and Misty, I wanted Jay to
understand that Ruthie was not our only priority, but he
was as well. I expressed that we were not trying to take
Ruthie from him, but we intended to allow the adoption
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to be open. I expressed that we intended for Misty to be
her grandmother and have as much access to her as all
her other grandparents. We expressed that she would
know Jay was her father from the beginning and he
could see her as much as he deserved. At this Misty
asked; “What exactly dictates what he deserves?” I
expressed that God created Jay for a purpose and to be
something specific. I went on to explain that Dana and I
feel as long as Jay is striving to become this man, then
he is deserving. We don’t care if it is a doctor, teacher,
coach, trash man,etc. As long as Jay, and Rebecca for
that matter, is striving to become who heis created to be,
he would always have a right to Ruthie.
I also explained that we would help Jay in this
process. I spoke to him about dreaming again. I asked
him to dream dreams so large that he knew he could not
reach them. I expressed that this would allow for God to
step in and do His part. We discussed different avenues
for Jay and possible ways to reach those avenues. I
challenged him to become the man he would want his
daughter to marry.
We also discussed the fact that this was new to
all of us. I pointed out the obvious in that we would all
be apprehensive and cautious in the beginning. We
discussed the day when we all looked at each other and
celebrated the fact that we trusted God enough to join in
this partnership with Him. I even shared with Misty that
there may come a time when not only Ruthie came to
visit but her two brothers, Caleb and Joshua, did as well.
At this her eyes got big and she smiled as she responded
that she had never even thought of that.
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We also discussed the possible resistance that
Jay may encounter. We discussed the comments that he
would likely hear. Comments such as whyhe was
allowing a white man to raise his child?Comments about
stepping up, or manning up.Comments about giving up.I
asked him to evaluate where these comments would
come from. Would these have any credibility, or would
they come from people with no children. Or even come
from fathers who showed up at the little league game,
but have never read a book to their child, or helped them
with homework, or been unfaithful to their child’s
mother, or failed to provide any other support whether it
be financial, spiritual or social. I explained that if he
was following what he truly felt was God’s plan than
God would give him the protection, wisdom and
discernment to deflect such flaming arrows.
I reassured him that Dana and I could and would
provide all that for her. She would stay with a Christian
couple who would raise her on God’s principals and
love. That we would do all the things that loving
parents do for their child. That we would also help him
become the man he dreamed to be and in the end, he’d
also be my baby’s daddy! I assured him she would have
no problems allowing two daddies walk her down the
aisle. That he could be a witness to so many others; that
we could be a witness.
In the end I encouraged them to think and pray
through all of this. I gave my word to help Jay in any
way possible, regardless of the decision. We closed out
the night holding hands in prayer and with hugs.
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The next few days, God reminded me to not talk
about his love, but to live it. That he loves us and that
he has and will provide us the power to do this amazing
thing. My daily verses over the next few days were: I
John 3:18. 18
Dear children, let us not love with words
or speech but with actions and in truth. II Timothy 1:7
(This verse has been on my office window for years.) 7
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but
gives us power, love and self-discipline. Psalm 73:25-
26. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has
nothing I desire besides you. 26
My flesh and my heart
may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my
portion forever. Job 22: 10-11. But he knows the way
that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as
gold. 11
My feet have closely followed his steps; I have
kept to his way without turning aside. Joshua 1:9. 9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD
your God will be with you wherever you go.‖
The following is the message thread Jay and I
had over these next few days. The relationship and trust
developed is God led. Also, notice those flaming arrows
did show up.
Jay: Coach i appreciate you comin out
there..Meansalot..Lookin forward to meeting
danajoshua an caleb
Me: There is no doubt You are a good kid. Things are
going to work out. Read Isaiah 43:1-13. See what God
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says to you in these verses. We'd love for you and your
mom to visit our home. This way you could meet
everyone and see where she could possibly live.
Jay: Im go let him work
Me: Awesome. It won't always be easy, but that is
where God comes in. He handles the stuff we can't. You
pray hard, work hard, but always leave God his room to
work.
Read Jeremiah 29: 11-14.
Verse 11 - God created you - Jay - for a purpose.
Verse 12 - for His plans to work, you have call on Jesus.
You have to want a relationship with Him. When you
call him, he will answer.
Verse 13 - you have to want Jesus with all your heart.
Verse 14 - when you call on Him you will find Him and
he will bless you far more than you will ever know.
You hanging in there?
Jay: Yessir..You know i just trust you an feel that you
mean what you sayin..ani been wantin to
change..stopstuffin them phillieslol..anfindin out who i
need to cut out my life to keep me on the right path..An
tell deebo..to text me so ill have his number i want to get
back up with my boiani feel like he on the right path an
thats what type of people i need around me..thati can
relate too
Me: It all starts with a decision! I always tell my kids,
you don't have to stop lovin your friends, just stop
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hanging where bad things happen. And sometimes it not
bad things, its just nothing. Do nothing, u get nothing.
Pull each other up. Iron sharpening iron...A gang ain't
a bad thing. Sometimes what gangs do are bad. Jesus
had a gang! It's all in the decisions. Just know that i
am proud that You want to be a part of her life. That's
not selfish. That's admiral. I promise you'll get to be. I
promise she'll know you and love you. She'll know her
dad and grandmother. She'll be proud of him too. God
created him to be great, and you will be.
Jay: Thats amazing coach..an that just make me feel so
confident about all this..i just see the signs..ani really
ani know for sure iwanna come closer an know our
father I know god sent you to me
Me: He's pretty awesome. We all grow each day. I
was exactly like you when in was your age People
poured into me. You will pour into others one day too
Jay: I always wanted to pour into others an i will
Me: I think all you have to do to go to Spartanburg
Tech is graduate from HS. If this is true, It will cost you
$2000.00 a semester to go to Spartanburg tech
($4000.00) a year. This is without any financial aid.
You may could get aid. If you graduate there, it would
guarantee you to be admitted to Upstate. You can still
be anything you want if you decide to be. I can help
you, but you have to decide. If you do, start saving your
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money. I can help you do this too. Start reading while
you wait for school to start.
Jay: Im interested in that..i will start saving an
reading..Youan thefam doing alright?
Me: Yep. All good. You'll get to meet them all soon.
Jay: Looking forward to it..
Me: Jeremiah 33:3 ‗Call to me and I will answer you
and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not
know.‘
Jay: Man this all unbelievable to me right now..bci was
just thinkin about helpinpeoplr in my life an things was
just poppin up in my head what i know will change them
an i went to god first but when you send me these verses
it come to me for i get your messages
Me: That's awesome. It means God is validating your
thought processes. You'll be a better man at 20 than 18.
You'll be better at 30 than 20. And so on and so on.
You still will screw up make mistakes but the beauty is
in God's grace and mercy. None of us can be perfect
that's why we need him. And understand this doesn't
mean you cannot have fun. It just means you won't
regret the fun you had!
Jay: Yesssirr but tell them boys they go get somethin
they been wanting
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Me: Im saving your text messages so she can read on
day. I want to make sure she understands how much
you love her from the beginning.
Jay: All i can do is smile..
Jay: You go be a daddy/grandpa..My mom was with this
man since i was a baby until last year he did her wrong
an said he was getting married to another woman but
him an my mom was never married..an my momma was
hurt an i told her we will see better days..but my point is
i thought he was that father figure in my life but he didnt
teach me how yo do right or nothin like that..ani look at
you coach fleming coach owens more of a father figure
bcyall put the time in to sit down an let me know the
right thing to do but also help me realize god has a
GREAT PLAN for me as well as all of us..
Me: There will come a time when you look back and be
like wow because it will all make sense. Just remember
that average sucks. God doesn't want any of us to be
average. Would like to have you and your mom over
sometime. Let Let us know when it works for you guys.
Another thing you're going to have to learn is to forgive
those who have hurt you. You will not be able to Fully
develop as a man if you carry that baggage. Also be
times that you will have to allow people to forgive you.
Any relationship worth having overcomes tough times
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There'll be times that I will piss you off and youll piss
me off. We just work through it
Jay: So true so true..im off work all week except wed.
anthur. So let me know which day would be best
Me: If you can do tomorrow evening that works for us.
Jay: Yessiri just called an took the day off we will be
able to make it..which one is the youngest so i will have
the name right..joshua
Me: I miss read it. I thought you were off. Don't take
the day off. You start taking days off and next thing you
know they lay you off. You need to call back and tell
them i miss understood. Go on into work. You may
have to take a day off or leave early when the baby
comes. We can do it another day.
One of those times when what you want to do ain't what
you need to do. You need to go on to work. We will
hook up on an off day. We ain't going no where! :)
Jay: Okay
Me: Awesome. Thats a Man decision. You are growing
already.
Jay: Yessir you right about that..Its all about them
decisions I tell ya
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Me: They are habits also. Bad decisions are a habit.
So are good ones. Make a few good ones in a row and
next thing you know you are known as a good man...
Jay: I think i went through my bad habits to.make me
realize that it aintright..Soim on it..Good Man is what
im go be known for
Me: You were just being a kid... You don't understand
until you understand!
The following is part of our message thread after Ruthie
was born.
Jay: Fwd: (from a friend) Why u giving the baby up
cuz?
He wont understand until he understand
Me: Amen. And you are not giving her up. We are
sharing her. Praying God protects and defends you.This
is the prayer for you the next few weeks. It is about
Gods word and love protecting you. It's just like putting
on a football uniform. You don't wear to hang out. You
wear it to be on the game:
Ephesians 6:10-18
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your
stand against the devil‘s schemes. For our struggle is
not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,
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against the authorities, against the powers of this dark
world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the
heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of
God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be
able to stand your ground, and after you have done
everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of
truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of
righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the
readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In
addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with
which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the
evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of
the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the
Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and
requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on
praying for all the Lord‘s people.
Jay: These people juss keep talkin crazy..imtakin your
word i do right i get to stay in her life
Me: Of course. Jay I live in the public eye. I get
written about in the paper and stand for a school
district. Most importantly I stand for God. I'm not going
to lie and be a screw up for all these things I stand
for.Remember, logic and common sense are not biblical.
Miracles are. We are living a miracle together. Tell
them to watch and see!
Isaiah 25:1 Lord, you are my God;I will exalt you and
praise your name,for in perfect faithfulnessyou have
done wonderful things,things planned long ago.
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Jay: They just gotta watch an see
Me: Yep. This can change a lot your boys too. May
actually teach some people watching how to really love
someone.Pray for us too. This is hard for us as well.
But I know its right.
Jay: Oh yessiri can see it already it
changinthem..anyessiri pray for yall..It hard for all
us..but like you say you know its right
Me: The only way it will be right or work this for both
of you to be in her life. I will not be able to do it if it's
not this way
Jay: Speechless..Its wonderful how god work..I love
them boys ready to meet them..prayin for yall. im bout
to go to coach flemings right now...She be keepinyall up
Me: She is on a 3 hour feeding schedule. Plus that first
few months you are scared to sleep. Any noise she
makes you check on.Coach Fleming is a stud. We joke
around with each other, but there is no body I love
more.
Jay: Lol do she cry alot.an thats what real brothers do
Me: Nope. She's an angel.
Jay: She like her mamas then :)
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I love yall so much..Love the home she at Love the
people she with..Them boys happy an so funny an cool
remind me of myself..Felt comfortable the time i walked
in..I just like being around yalljusschillin..Thats what i
like to do pretty laid back love sports and family
Me: Glad you feel good about Us. We love each other.
We work hard but make spending time together a
priority. When you truly decide to have a family, it then
becomes all about the family. I really think people are
not ready to do this until they are about 25. as you
become the person you were created to be, your
priorities change as well. We look forward to a long life
with great relationships.
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The Cross
As I was leaving the meeting with Jay and his
mother, many thoughts ran through my mind. What
would come of all of this? What did they think of me,
of us? Did they think they were being swindled? Did
they feel this was orchestrated? What do we do now?
What’s next? Etc? Etc? Etc?
My mind raced through all of these thoughts and
many more on my way. I tried to use music to quiet my
thoughts and soul, but my mind kept tuning out the
music. At about 9:30, roughly half way home, I just
happened to look through a grove of trees and notice a
lit steeple. I had never noticed this small church tucked
off the road across from Renfro Brothers before. I
instantly felt the urge, or should I say calling to go this
church. With all that God had already put into motion, I
was not going to argue with Him now. I was really not
sure what I was going to do when I got there, or why
God was calling me there. As I turned into the church
parking lot, I noticed a big oak tree beside the drive. It
was not until I turned fully into the parking lot did the
calling become clear.
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As I turned into the parking lot, my headlights
came to rest on a wooden cross. I instantly realized that
God had led me to the cross. At this moment I knew
what I was supposed to do. I knew I was to go lay all of
these thoughts, concerns, questions, theentire situation at
the foot of the cross.
Getting out of the car was the easy part. The
hard part was the praying. Not the actual process of
praying, but I knew God was not only calling me to the
cross, but calling me face down to the cross. You see, I
have prayed many times, in many places, in front of
many venues, but I have never laid face down at the foot
of the cross. For one small moment I almost felt too
proud to do this. For one small second I became the
priority. When I realized this, I think I actually felt as
Peter must have when he heard the cock crow.
I knew all there was to do at this point was
follow His calling. I stepped up to the cross and
dropped to my knees. As I laid my head on my hands at
the foot of the cross, God interceded. I became
speechless. Instantly I could hear the promises of God.
He clearly and plainly told me He had this. He made it
clear that He was in control, and all I had to do
throughout this process was leave it at all the cross.
Once it was clear God had finished speaking, I was
able to praise Him. I was able to ask forgiveness of my
pride and inflated thoughts of myself. I was able to trust
Him completely, able to glorify Him no matter the
outcome, able to give all praise and honor to Him. What
was going to happen next? I was not sure, but I knew it
was taken care of. I Peter 5:6-7. 6
Humble yourselves,
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therefore, under God‘s mighty hand, that he may lift you
up in due time.7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he
cares for you.
I told no one of this experience, until days later.
At this point, I shared it only with Jay over a text
conversation. This experience has made the song “Lead
me to the Cross,” by Hillsong United a truly living
experience. The grace, love and blessings this song now
reminds me of will forever be linked to this moment.
The mercies and goodness of Christ are enough.
Romans 8:26-30. 26
In the same way, the Spirit
helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we
ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us
through wordless groans.27
And he who searches our
hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit
intercedes for God‘s people in accordance with the will
of God.28
And we know that in all things God works for
the good of those who love him, who[i]
have been called
according to his purpose.29
For those God foreknew he
also predestined to be conformed to the image of his
Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers
and sisters.30
And those he predestined, he also called;
those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he
also glorified.
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Her Name
As Dana and I imagined our adoption, we often
talked about names. We discussed many names, and
finally came to agreement on Ruth. My paternal
grandmother was named Ruth. My maternal
grandmother was named Annie Ruth. Dana’s mothers
name is Linda Ruth. Also, our boys have biblical names
and we wanted our daughter to have one as well. Dana
was extremely fond of Ruth, because she was extremely
loyal and caring to Naomi even though she was not her
biological child. Ruth 1:16. 16
But Ruth replied, ―Don‘t
urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where
you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your
people will be my people and your God my God.Ruth it
would be and we would call her Ruthie.
We threw around the idea of Anna as well. My
mother’s name is Linda Ann, and both of us have
grandmothers named Annie. Caleb and Joshua also
helped decide her name, if given the opportunity to
name hershe would be Anna Ruth.
Rebecca and Jay had named Ruthie,Aleeyah in
the womb. When she was spoken of she was called by
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this. Dana and I wanted to honor them by keeping the
biological name they had given to her. We decided to
combine the names and came up with Annaleeyah Ruth.
I must admit we were a little apprehensive how Rebecca
and Jay would respond to this. When Dana mentioned
the name Ruthie to Rebecca, she lit up and responded
that she loved it. Rebecca also liked the thought we
combined the names. It was such a relief that Rebecca’s
heart was at ease over this. What about Jay? The
following is our text conversation concerning her name.
Me: How did you and Bek come up with the name
Aleeyah?
Jay: Just thinkinonedayan we agreed on it..an I love
challenges
Me: My wife always had a name in mind that was
biblical and named after our grandmothers and
mothers: My grandmother was Annie Ruth. My other
grandmother was Ruth. In the bible, Ruth was
essentially adopted. Also, My mother and her mother
have the name Ann in their name. What to you think
about us combining the name to honor everyone?
"Annaleeyah Ruth". To you she will still be Aleeyah.
This can be a special thing between you two. Illcall her
one of many things: Annaleeyah, Anna Ruth, Ruthie,
Leeyah, etc. I call Caleb: Caleb, Caleb Ryan, K Dog, K
Bean and monkey butt! I call Joshua: Joshua, Joshua
Kyle, J Dizzy, Diz, and monkey butt.
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Jay: I think its great an i love it its different like
jerlaune you dont really hear it too much..an when me
an bec talk about her i call leelee an all that stuff..i love
it because it relates to the bible an yall happy an it
makes me happy..
Thus, her name is Annaleeyah Ruth. Such a
beautiful name to say.Such a beautiful little girl.Such a
beautiful story.We call her Ruthie.And any other
combination that fits the moment!
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Oceans
I love the song “Oceans,” sung by Hillsong United.
During the weeks leading up to the adoption of Ruthie, I
listened to it over and over again. It just gives me a
peace and confidence in God. It touches my soul in all
areas effected by this whole experience. The verses
personally touch on the scriptures that have become one
of my life verses / passages. Isaiah 43:1-13.
In the summer of 2008, my wife and I experienced
an incredible couples retreat sponsored by FCA at The
Cove in Asheville, North Carolina. The speakers were
dynamic and powerful. One speaker took a moment to
pray for Les Steckel’s wife and the verses he prayed
over was Isaiah 43:1-13. I found these verses to be a
beautiful love letter from God to us. I felt this to be the
perfect passage to write our team devotion for the FCA
Team Camp we were to attend in the coming weeks. I
felt God led me to write a great devotion for our kids
this Saturday night. I did experience a little confusion
on how to include verses 2 and 13 into the devotion. It
was not until the following Thursday before these verses
made sense.
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The Monday after our return on, an unfortunate
accident occurred and one of our players, Jarvis Walker,
drowned in Lake Bowen. He was attending a cookout at
one of our coach’s homes and having a great time. I was
in attendance with my youngest son. The kids floated
across a small cove and then some of them tried to swim
back. We are not sure what exactly happened, but half
way back Jarvis began to struggle. Many kids and two
coaches tried feverishly to save Jarvis. I found Jarvis in
seven and one half feet of water. We got him to shore
and began CPR. Unfortunately, our efforts failed. We
lost Jarvis that day. Jarvis was a great kid and I still
think of him and the selfless acts those kids displayed
that day. One other child almost drowned trying to save
his teammate. The visions of this day will be forever
etched in my mind. I will always keep a picture of
Jarvis in my office. He reminds me that each of us is
created in the image of God and to love daily the people
around you.
After Jarvis’s service I looked back over the
devotion I had written the weekend before. We were
still taking the kids to camp the following week, and I
was wondering if the devotion still applied. In reading
the scriptures again, it was obvious that God’s love letter
was indeed meant for these kids. Even more so, verses 2
and 13 now made sense. God was preparing us in
advance for His calling and we did not realize it.
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Isaiah 43:1-13.But now, this is what the LORD
says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you,
Israel: ―Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have
summoned you by name; you are mine. 2
When you pass
through the waters, I will be with you; and when you
pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. 3
For I am the LORD
your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give
Egypt for your ransom, Cush[a]
and Seba in your stead. 4
Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and
because I love you, I will give people in exchange for
you, nations in exchange for your life. 5
Do not be
afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from
the east and gather you from the west. 6
I will say to the
north, ‗Give them up!‘and to the south, ‗Do not hold
them back.‘ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters
from the ends of the earth—7
everyone who is called by
my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed
and made.‖ 8
Lead out those who have eyes but are
blind, who have ears but are deaf. 9
All the nations
gather together and the peoples assemble. Which of
their gods foretold this and proclaimed to us the former
things? Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they
were right, so that others may hear and say, ―It is true.‖ 10
―You are my witnesses,‖ declares the LORD, ―and my
servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and
believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no
god was formed, nor will there be one after me. 11
I, even
I, am the LORD, and apart from me there is no savior. 12
I have revealed and saved and proclaimed— I, and not
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some foreign god among you. You are my witnesses,‖
declares the LORD, ―that I am God. 13
Yes, and from
ancient days I am he. No one can deliver out of my
hand. When I act, who can reverse it?‖
The lyrics in “Oceans” remind me of these
verses, of God’s calling to us and God’s sustaining
power. He was the strength that allowed us to move
forward after the loss of Jarvis. His strength is also what
allows me to share this story as part of my testimony. I
know He will provide the strength, wisdom and
discernment to live out this miracle. “Oceans” reminds
me of this.
The night before I met with Jay, I became
overwhelmed with emotion. I had sent the text inviting
Jay to meet with me, but I had not heard back from him
of yet. I just kept allowing my mind to race through so
many different scenarios that I became overwhelmed. I
simply shut down. I could not speak, could not think,
could not talk. I went to bed at 9:00 that night. I woke
up feeling the same way. Then my friend showed up
with God’s promises.
Every Wednesday morning a few staff members
generally meet for a time of devotion and fellowship.
Normally Robert Gray, Rebecca Pack, Molly Blackwell,
Monica Goforth and myself rotate through devotions.
This week Robert was giving the devotion. He spoke of
a man who limited his vision because someone told him
that his dream could not happen. The man simply
wanted a pond because he loved water. Notice the water
symbolism! The man then encountered another man
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who awakened him from his depression and heartache
and led him through a plan to build his pond. When the
process was finished, the man did not have one pond,
but seven. He also used the excess dirt to provide him
with a platform to be able to enjoy daily, and be
reminded of God’s blessings. God used Robert to
remind me to be irrationally wise and allow Him room
to bless the situation.
After the devotion I checked in on Josh, my
student teacher, and then went to my office. Once in my
office, I began to listen to “Oceans” and pray. I then
started reading through some quiet time notes I had
written many years ago. The words and scriptures were
very comforting and reassuring. The first devotion was
based off of Isaiah 44: 1-5. God was speaking
confidence and love in me. He also immediately turned
me back to Isaiah 43:1-13. Oh, how these verses made
sense in so many different ways. It spoke directly to our
situation, to Rebecca, to Jay, to all involved. I
immediately text Robert and asked him to read these
verses in Isaiah and pray for each situation individually.
After this I sat in my office and cried from 9:30 until
about 11:00. When I emerged from my office I felt a
renewed strength and reassurance that God had the
situation under control. No matter what was to be the
outcome, I had a renewed faith that it was going to be
beautiful. Hebrews 11:1. Now faith is confidence in
what we hope for and assurance about what we do not
see.
Later in the day is when Jay and I communicated
and decided to meet at McDonald’s that night. The
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events of the morning allowed me to go into the meeting
with Jay and his mother fully confident that God’s plan
was going to be greater than ours. The next morning
Dana’s verse of the day was Isaiah 43:2! Talk about
reassurance.
The morning of the induction, as Dana and I
were walking from the parking garage to the hospital, a
car stopped to speak to us. In it was Hampton Williams.
Hampton is one of the young men who tried to help
Jarvis that day at the lake. He is the young man who
almost drowned in his efforts to help his teammate. The
last time Hampton and I were together at the hospital
was when we found out that Jarvis had been called home
to Jesus. Hampton and I will be forever joined in this
moment of loss. However, leave it only to God to paint
a picture where He would have Hampton and I forever
linked together again. God had not only used Isaiah
43:1-13 to comfort and guide us in a time of tragedy, but
He had now come full circle and used it to provide
comfort and guidance in a time of gain. Not only did he
use the same verse, but some of the same people as well.
Only God can write an irrational story like this. Leave
room for miracles.
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Induction Day
Rebecca went to the doctor on Monday, March
third. Her due date was March fifth.We were all
anxious as to what the doctor was going to say. There
was solace and almost humor in my verse of the day -
Isaiah 55:8-9. 8
―For my are not your thoughts, neither
are your ways my ways,‖ declares the LORD. 9
―As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways
higher than your ways and my thoughts than your
thoughts.
The doctor told her she was ready to have the
baby and that she was going to be induced the next
morning. She was to be at the hospital at 6:00 am. A
little after four a.m. we received a text from Bill stating
that the hospital called Rebecca and told her there was
no room in the inn! Actually, they had in influx of
babies that night and were having to push her induction
back so they could prepare a room for her. We used this
as an opportunity to try and get a few more hours of
sleep.
When I woke up a little after seven, the first
thing I did was check the verse of the day. I wanted to
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see what God was telling us this day. Joshua 1:9.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD
your God will be with you wherever you go.‖Wow!
What a verse of encouragement for such a time as this!
Bill later called and said we were to meet at the
hospital at 10:45. At 10:45 Dana and I met Rebecca,
Bill, Pam, and Nana Cheryl in the second floor lobby at
Spartanburg Regional. At this moment they, were not
ready for Rebecca just yet. We all claimed a small spot
in the waiting room by the windows. I found a chair
facing the elevator and would be in this spot a while.
They eventually called Rebecca to her room and began
to prep her for the induction. We continued to hang out
and pass the time with conversation and memories.
Throughout the process I was communicating with Jay
through text messages. He was staying at a relative’s
house nearby. We agreed that it would be more
comfortable for him to wait there, and I would keep him
posted and make sure he had plenty of time to get to the
hospital before the baby was born.
The day seemed to drag on forever. It was like
being in the movieGroundhog Day. The elevator would
open and close. People would get on and off. “Twinkle,
Twinkle Little Star” would play. Families would hug
and become filled with love and celebrations. Then it
would happen all over again.And again.And again…
It did get kind of interesting at one point. One
couple visiting had three small children with them.
These children had a great time in the playground,
otherwise known as the waiting room. They climbed
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over chairs, under chairs, over legs, under legs, ran up
the hall, back down the hall. They destroyed some
cookies and made the biggest crumb mess I had ever
seen. Funny thing is I saw this happening, but didn’t
really notice it. I guess the magnitude of our situation
combined with being school teachers and having young
kids ourselves, made it not bother us. At least it didn’t
bother us too much. However, it was kind of shocking
when one of the kids reached up and started drinking
from Dana’s subway cup. He went to town on her diet
coke. At this I snatched up my bag of cookies to make
sure they were well guarded! Evidently, someone was a
little more bothered about them than we were. The
security officers showed up a little later and asked their
parents to actually parent!
By this point Rebecca was fully prepped and
they had begun the Pitocin. Dana and I then got to go to
her room and spend some time with her. They only
allow two people back at a time. It was a really good
moment. The three of us had not been alone together
until this point. We got to talk about past memories,
present feelings and future questions. Rebecca shared
some of the reasons why she felt like Dana and I were
the ones to share Ruthie’s life with. She brought up
FCA camp and some other memories that she had of us.
Mostly they were memories of Dana being a good
mother. This is what gave her the confidence in us. We
shared with Rebecca that we wanted her to be
comfortable with any request. It is our desire that
Ruthie know Rebecca as mommy and Jay as daddy. We
feel God has called Ruthie to have two mommies and
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two daddies. However, we would readily agree to
whatever wishes Rebecca has and we wanted to make
that clear to her. We asked her to not worry about what
parents, grandparents, friends, etc desired, but to focus
on what God was calling her to do. We ensured her that
we loved her and held no judgments against her. We
wanted her to be comfortable in the fact that Rebecca’s
best interest, as well as Ruthie’s, would always be
paramount. We prayed for the entire situation. We gave
it all to God and asked him to make his desires known
and prayed that we always be available. Romans 8:1.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who
are in Christ Jesus.
After we met with Rebecca, we went back to the
waiting room and began watching the endless cycle of
the elevator door opening and closing, people getting on
and off and “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”playing all
over again. While we waited, I did get to enjoy one of
my Subway cookies we salvaged from the
playgroundyoungins running aroundearlier. We were
experiencing the calm before the storm so to speak.
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Birth Hours
It was not much longer when Dana came back
from visiting with Rebecca and said the doctor had just
checked her and she was almost fully dilated. This news
sped our heart rates up and got the adrenaline flowing.
At this time I texted Jay and informed him that he
needed to come on up. He replied that he was on the
way. It wasn’t much longer before Jay and his mother
arrived. We waited in the lobby with Bill and Nana
Cheryl. Rebecca had requested that Pam and Dana be
with her through the birth, so we chit chatted in the
lobby. We talked about Jay’s dreams and thoughts as all
of this was quickly becoming a reality.
Jay and I moved to another seating area and once
again went over the processes that would take place in
the coming hours. I re-explained that once Rebecca had
the baby they would make sure everyone was ok. They
would then start cleaning them up and begin to allow
visitors. Due to the fact both Jay and Rebecca had
agreed to the consent, the counselors felt it best if they
did not all share time with the baby together. I
explained that unfortunately, Jay and I would be the last
two to visit with her. I was told that once they
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completed the birthing and post birth process, they
would take Ruthie and Dana to the nursery and then Jay
and I would visit with them there. Initially, they told me
this would occur in about twenty to thirty minutes after
the birth cleanup. While we were talking, we were
informed that Ruthie was born perfectly and that both
she and Rebecca were doing fine. As they cleaned her
up, Bill, Misty and Nana Cheryl all went back to visit.
The twenty to thirty minutes Jay and I were to wait
turned into almost two hours.
I must admit this wait was a little nerve racking.
The biological and adopting fathers were the last to see
her. It really seemed wrong how long it took. We
agreed that due to the current situation, this process was
best, but it was taking forever. The waiting did not
make it any easier and did promote many mixed
emotions. The wait time and the lack of communication
brought forth skeptical thoughts and concerns. I tried to
be calm about it and reassure both Jay and Misty, but
behind the scenes I was sending Dana text messages
trying to find out what was occurring and expressing our
displeasure.
During this time I also went over with Jay again
how the consent would work. We had discussed this
earlier, but I did not want him to experience any
surprises or feel in any way as if he were being taken
advantage of. Misty also had some questions about it. I
explained, that legally, Jay could have signed his
consent to adopt the day he agreed, but Rebecca could
not until at least twenty four hours after delivery. I
explained that Dana and I wanted to allow Jay to see and
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hold Ruthie before he signed. We felt we owed him this
opportunity to make sure he was still in agreement. The
adoption counselor would take Jay’s consent after he
had visited with the baby, if Jay was still in agreement.
I explained that Robin, the adoption specialist, was at
her home and not there waiting. This was incase Jay
changed his mind, there would be no need for her to be
waiting around. If Jay agreed after holding Ruthie then
we would call her. I told her we would face that
decision once we got there.
Finally, we got the call that Ruthie was going to the
nursery and that we could see her.The nurse came out
and got Jay. The nurse then took him to the nursery, and
Misty and I watched as Jay met Dana and Ruthie for the
first time. The moment was sweet. Jay just cried and
held her like she would break. Dana and Jay talked
about their shared plans for Ruthie and their concerns
for each other. Jay then gave Ruthie her first bottle. As
he tried to burp her for the first time, his pats would not
have burst a soap bubble. Misty, Deon (Jay’s step
father) and I just laughed at his tenderness. Dana helped
him hold her, feed her and burp her. It was obvious he
was feeling emotions he did not know were possible.
For the first time all the advice and lessons he had been
taught over the years made sense to him. It was sweet to
see all the love being shared in the room and through the
nursery glass.
Dana spoke to the nurse and they ok’d for me to go
back with them as well. I was excited to hold my baby
girl for the first time. She was sweet and small. I had
forgotten how little newborns are. All 8 pounds and 10
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ounces and 20.5 inches of her seemed perfect. She
looked just like both Rebecca and Jay. She had
Rebecca’s lips and chin. You could see a blend of them
both in her eyes and nose. She also had Zach’s hair! I
couldn’t help but stare at her. She was so beautiful and
calm. I felt a whole peace about the entire situation
because it was as if Ruthie understood and was ok with
it. I just imagined briefly what huge plans God had in
store for all of us.
We got to visit for a while and then the nurses took
Ruthie to do whatever they do with newborns. Dana,
Jay and I met Misty back in the waiting room. We
talked about the visit and about the emotions that were
experienced. Jay verified the feelings we all knew he
was having. He also expressed that he was certain we
would love Ruthie and be true to our word. He was still
in agreement and willing to sign the consent. We
verified with him and Misty and then called Robin, the
adoption counselor. About fifteen minutes later she met
us in the waiting area, and Jay and his mother went over
the paper work.
I must admit that I was happy and hurting at the
same time. When we decided we were being led to
adopt, we really did not think we would have any
interactions with the biological parents. We never felt
we would be a part of an open adoption, must less have
to sit in the other room while the biological parents
signed their legal rights over to us. This moment hurt. I
hurt for Jay, for Misty, for his whole family. I did feel
like we were doing what we were called to do, but it still
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was not easy. It did not make it any better knowing that
we would have to do this again with Rebecca.
Jay and Misty completed their meeting with Robin.
Jay had consented to sharing Ruthie’s life with us. This
was amazing. In less than two weeks God had called us
into Jay’s life and given him enough confidence and
trust that he agreed to share his daughter with us. I told
Misty this was truly amazing and that we all were
demonstrating a great deal of faith at this moment. I
expressed that I couldn’t wait until the day when all of
us could genuinely express our gratitude in being
obedient. It did Dana and I a lot of good when Jay later
expressed his thoughts of reassurance in his decision.
Below is a text he sent me the next day about Dana.
Jay: That lil girl changed my life just as much as
yall..An you know i knew you a lilbit..but the first time i
seen danai just felt loved an i knew it was go be okay
when i felt that..tell her I thank her..ani hope them boys
be okay with me i been thinkin bout that all the time.
Jay was not only reassured but concerned that my sons
would accept him. I told him he did not have to worry
about that, that they wouldn’t think twice about it.
Football players are all that they know.
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The Cross Part 2
It was just after midnight, and I wasn’t exactly sure
what all had just happened. I felt like I was at halftime
of a big football game. Ruthie had been born, everyone
had seen her, Jay consented to the adoption, little kids
tore up the waiting room, and through all of the events it
was obvious that God was present. A lot of emotion
and decisions had already taken place, but I knew there
was much more to come. Dana and I had just finished
giving Ruthie her first bath when the nurses took her to
allow her to sleep. I realized we did not have any
toiletries and that Maggie, our dog, was outside and had
not been fed. I texted Bill and asked if he would like to
go with me to take care of these things. He said
Rebecca was resting and agreed to ride with me.
On the wayto my house, I felt I had to show Bill
something. I went a little out of my way to take him by
the church with the cross. I explained that on the way
home from meeting with Jay and his mother, I saw
something. I wanted him to see the same thing I saw. I
drove the car to allow us to come the same way so he
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could see the lit steeple through the trees. I explained
that God had called me to the church and I was unsure
why. I told him as I pulled in the same parking lot that
my headlights came to rest on that: as my headlights
once again came to rest on the cross.
I had not spoken of this moment to anyone other
than Jay, until I told Bill the whole story. I explained
how I gave myself and the situation to Christ at the foot
of the cross. I explained how I became speechless, and
how God interceded as He promises us. We then agreed
that God led us back to the cross this night. We both
kneeled faced down at the foot of the cross and gave
thanks to Jesus for his sacrifice for us. We gave thanks
for a healthy birth, for His plan, for each other. We
prayed for healing: physical, mental, emotional, social
and spiritual. We prayed for all the families involved
and specifically for Rebecca. Then Bill prayed
specifically for Jay. This was a touching prayer to hear.
In all the brokenness that had occurred, and in the price
of sin that was being paid, healing and love was all
around. God’s grace, love and mercy were found once
again at the foot of that cross.
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The Nursing Staff
We arrived back at the hospital at roughly two in the
morning. Bill went to be with Rebecca and Pam. Dana
and I settled into the Spartanburg Regional “Hilton.”
This was composed of a ten foot by ten foot space in the
waiting room complete with two chairs, a mini love seat
and a table. Talk about extravagant accommodations.
At this point there was no need to sleep. The nurses
would be coming to get us to feed Ruthie in the next
thirty minutes. I realized it was a new day so I decided
to check my verse of the day. Deuteronomy 6:6-7. 6
These commandments that I give you today are to be on
your hearts.7
Impress them on your children. Talk about
them when you sit at home and when you walk along the
road, when you lie down and when you get up.
God was reminding us to speak life into Ruthie from day
one. Not only was he speaking of Ruthie, but Caleb,
Joshua, and even Rebecca and Jay. You see, we told
Rebecca and Jay that not only was Ruthie getting
another set of parents, but they were essentially getting
another as well.
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As I was praying for all of these children, the nurse
came to get us to feed Ruthie. These feeding times that
came every three hours were blessings for us. We got to
hold, love, bond with and speak to Ruthie. We got to
have a moment of normalcy in an otherwise completely
illogical situation. It was so illogical to some that I
overheard one nurse comment that,“they ain’t going to
get to stay in here (speaking of the nursery) so they
might as well go on home,” when she heard of our
desire to spend the night in the lobby as to bond with
Ruthie. I think she kind of softened her heart as she
found us patiently waiting her summons every three
hours. Numbers 11:17.17
I will come down and speak
with you there, and I will take some of the power of the
Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share
the burden of the people with you so that you will not
have to carry it alone.
Over the next few hours, the nurses began to take
ownership in our situation. They knew the birth mother
and her family were in a hospital room, that the adoptive
parents were in the waiting room, and the paternal side
of the family would be visiting. They seemed a little
taken aback by the positive and open interactions
between the groups. It was during this time that they
worked it out so Dana and I had a comfortable place to
feed Ruthie. They worked out a comfortable situation
where Jay and Misty could spend time with us and
Ruthie. They worked out,with ease, the request for
Ruthie to be transported back and forth between the
nursery, Rebecca’s room and the areas we would spend
time with her. They even took special care of our
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Spartanburg Regional “Hilton Room!” The upgraded
accommodations they offered us on the second night
were plush by waiting room standards. Matthew 11:28.
―Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and
I will giveyourest.We can’t give enough gratitude for all
the support and help the nursing staff provided. We
pray God blesses each of them. They did not allow us to
carry any of the burdens of the situation alone.
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Combination Through Separation
We awoke early Thursday morning to feed Ruthie
and spend our bonding time with her. We knew today
would be another emotional day. We would again
experience the pain of the legal documentation, as today
was the day Rebecca would sign her consent. We also
knew that this day we would face walking away with
Ruthie for the first time. It was at these waking thoughts
that my emotions began to overflow. I went to my verse
of the day to hopefully find solace. Solace was not what
I found, but verification and justification instead.
Instead of calming my emotions, God invited them.
Isaiah 25:1. LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and
praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have
done wonderful things, things planned long ago.I was
living in God’s will and it was awe inspiring. It was
overwhelming. It was feelings you cannot attempt to
explain. And these feelings were just beginning.
We knew at 8:30 Rebecca would begin the meeting
with Robin to go through and sign the consent forms. I
was sitting in the waiting room when Robin got off the
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elevator. We spoke for a moment and then she headed
back to see Rebecca. At this moment all the same
feelings I felt when Jay was doing his consent began
again. The only difference is I had known Jay for two
weeks. I had known Rebecca for fourteen years. I just
prayed that God would comfort her, guide her,carry her
through this process. For the next hour I prayed,
listened to Christian music aloud on my phone as I
teared up time and time again. The music provided a
calming effect on me. It even prompted two people
passing by to stop and ask about it. This was comforting
as well.
A little after 9:30 Robin showed back up in the
waiting room. She said everything went well. She
indicated that Rebecca gave her consent and expressed
that she cried at all the right times. She said she felt
peace about Rebecca’s decision. At this time she
handed us our signed copy and congratulated us. I could
not look at the paperwork. The tears began to flow once
more.I was not prepared for all of these emotions. The
finality of the transition process and the beginning of a
new and unfamiliar life was in full motion. The feelings
of gaining a new family member, a new child, are
indescribable on the emotional scale. As are the feelings
at the loss of a family member are indescribable on the
other extreme. These feelings do not complement each
other well. They do not even almost go together. At
this moment these feelings were beginning to blend.
As Dana and I hugged and prayed for Rebecca, Jay
and Ruthie, a nurse came to get us to feed Ruthie, who
was in the room with Rebecca. When we went in I
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began to sob. There is no way to prepare for this
moment. We all cried briefly and hugged. Then Ruthie
decided she had enough of that and spoke up to be fed.
Rebecca fed Ruthie and tears rolled down her face as
she looked at her precious child. This was hard to
watch. Again, I knew we were submersed in God’s will,
but the emotions… After Ruthie finished eating, the
lactation nurse was coming in so Dana and I left the
room. We went and waited in the waiting area. Bill
came with us as well.
We found reassurance from Bill that Rebecca still
felt that she was doing what God was calling her to do.
However, it’s still hard to fathom. All my concern was
moving from Jay and Ruthie to Rebecca at this time. I
could not imagine how she felt about allowing another
couple to take her child. I thought of Mary at the
persecution and crucifixion of Jesus. I prayed that God
grant Rebecca the serenity that he had to give Mary as
she stood at the cross.
As we were sitting with Bill, Laurie, Matt
Henderson’s assistant and Bethany, Matt’s daughter and
assistant, arrived to handle presenting Ruthie to us. This
moment was very bitter sweet. I hurt for Bill as he had
to witness Laurie’s excitement for us. Laurie was also
sweet in the fact she tried to respect Bill’s feelings as
well. Laurie and Bethany left us to go and do whatever
it is they do. Dana, Bill and I continued to sit with each
other. A few minutes later Laurie came back out and
told us she was ready for us to sign the paperwork
required to take custody of Ruthie. We followed Laurie,
and Bill went to be with Rebecca. They led Dana and I
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back to the nursery. When we walked in, Bethany,
Katie Hamblett, the case worker,and another nurse were
waiting for us with Ruthie.
At this moment all I could think of was Rebecca
having to give Ruthie to a nurse. I began to sob
uncontrollably, as I am now, thinking of this moment. I
am really not sure what all happened next. I just
remember signing some papers and changing Ruthie in
to her baby clothes. I vividly remember seeing the
compassion on Bethany’s face, then on all the others in
the room. They got to the point where they were going
to allow us to leave the hospital. I tried to speak but
couldn’t really get my thoughts out. I finally managed,
with the help of Dana, to ask if Dana and I could see
Rebecca one more time before we left. I couldnot live
with the thought of Rebecca handing Ruthie to a nurse.
Rebecca, Ruthie, Jay, all of us deserved for Ruthie to be
shared at this moment.
They all agreed and Dana, Ruthie and I headed back
down the hall towards Ruthie’s room. This must be
unusual, because when we passed the nurses’ station all
of them stopped to watch us go by. We knocked on
Rebecca’s room and then entered. I took Ruthie directly
to Rebecca so she could hold her once again. We all
cried together and just allowed God to be God. Psalm
46:10. He says, ―Bestill, and know that I am God; I will
be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the
earth.‖ We kind of clamed our emotions and laughed a
little. I then prayed for Rebecca, Ruthie, Jay, all of us
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and the entire new life we were beginning together.
After this it was time to go. We all hugged.
Dana gently approached Rebecca and Ruthie. She
looked around at Bill and Pam then back to Rebecca and
Ruthie and then at me. I simply nodded my head and
Dana and Rebecca in a beautiful but heartbreaking
moment exchanged Ruthie. Ruthie officially now had
two mommies and daddies. So many families just
combined.
We turned to go, all of us with tears in our eyes,
when I looked back to Rebecca. I held her hand as we
left and told them all we loved them. Rebecca’s
fingertips fell from my hand as we departed and we
walked from her hospital room. Once the door behind
us fully closed, Dana and I both wept uncontrollably.
We completely felt the love of Christ and what it was
like to love like Him. John 11: 35, 40. 35
Jesus wept…40
Then Jesus said, ―Did I not tell you that if you believe,
you will see the glory of God?‖ I now understood why
you would not be able to look upon the Glory of God
and survive. Where we were standing we could not
breathe, move or function. These must have been the
feelings felt at the time of the crucifixion. So much hurt,
loss, pain, faith, hope, love and joy wrapped up in one
moment. There are not enough words, or paper to fully
describe how we felt at this moment.
As we stood crying outside Rebecca’s room,
Dana said she didn’t want to leave. I choked out that I
understood, but we have to leave for the first time at
some point. We nodded and started to move to meet
Katie. It was a surreal moment as we came to the
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nurses’ station. All the nurses noticed that we were
flooded with emotion. They all stopped what they were
doing to check ad see if everything was ok. Amidst the
tears and sobs, we could only reply with a nod of our
heads. Instantly you could not only sense, but feel the
compassion and warmth from the nurses. It was nice
knowing that God had touched a whole nursing staff
with their interactions with these relationships. Dana,
Ruthie, Katie and I proceeded to the elevator.
So many thoughts ran through my mind as I
went to pick up our car. I was supposed to pick up Dana
and Ruthie at the oval loading zone. I could hardly see
as tears flooded my eyes. Was what we were doing
right? Were we in God’s will? I knew for sure we
were, but I had no idea it would feel like this. I was so
blinded with tears and emotions that I could not find our
car. I had to call Dana to find out where we left it. The
whole time it was right in front of me. As I started the
engine, I took time to catch my breath. Was the car too
cold for Ruthie was my next thought. I sat there while
the car idled, hoping it would warm quickly while I
cleared my throat and eyes. I then proceeded to pull
from the parking lot to the unloading zone. Emotion
overtook me again as I pulled in. It was at this time
when I noticed through the tears the AMZNGRACE
license plate in front of me. At this, I laughed. God
spoke His promises and comforted my soul momentarily
with a license plate.
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The Cross – Part 3
We secured Ruthie in her car seat and headed home
for the first time. At this moment, Dana took one of the
prettiest pictures I’ve ever seen. It was of Ruthie in her
car seat. It was as if she was at total peace with this life
we were beginning. The experience was overwhelming. The emotions
Tears were beginning to overflow again. Containing
them was impossible. I couldn’t speak and when Dana
asked if I was ok, all I could do was nod.
When I turned left at the intersection I would
normally pass through, Dana was taken by surprise.
Where are you going is how she responded. I told her I
had to show her something. We travelled quietly until I
could see the steeple of the church in view. As we
approached, I explained that I saw something on the way
home from meeting with Jay. I told her I wanted her to
see it as well. I turned so Dana could have the same
view that I had on the way home that night. Through
uncontrollable sobs, I explained the story just as I had
with Bill. I shared that I saw the church and was led to
it, and when I turned in, I was led straight to the cross. I
explained the smallness in myself and the humility God
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placed on me as he called me to my knees. I explained
His intercession as I tried to pray and how it felt to live
out the promises of His Word. I explained the peace I
felt about the whole situation and how it felt to be led to
the cross. I told her of how I brought Bill her and shared
the story with Him. I told of how he and I prayed there
as well. I told her I knew the first thing we had to do
was bring Ruthie to the foot of the cross and praise Him,
worship him and pray for her and the entire newly
blended families.
We cried together as we took Ruthie in her car seat
to that cross. We sat her at the foot of it and just gave
her to Jesus. We prayed special blessings and
protections for her, for Rebecca, for Jay. We prayed that
lives would be forever changed due to her and the
beautiful story that God created for her, for us. We
prayed that this just be the beginning of the story and
that God be glorified throughout. Before we left, we
took a picture of Ruthie at the foot of that cross. There
is no better visual of this whole situation. The words of
Jeremy Riddle describe how we felt as we left the foot
of that cross to start our new life feeling “Sweetly
Broken.”
I sent Bill a picture of Ruthie at the cross. Below are
the responses.
Me: He intercedes. Speechless...but glorified.
Bill: Amen, ok for me to tell Bec the story
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Me: Please. It could even be a Stop on your way home.
Bill: Good idea.
(Bill Sent a picture of the cross where they stopped to
pray on the way home as well.)
Bill: What a great time of prayer. Thanks for being
obedient.
Bill: Don't know if you saw this but this is the name of
the street at the intersection where the church is. ISI
(Bill sent a picture of the street sign at the church. The
road name is Family.)
Me: I didn't. I haven't stopped crying yet!
Bill: when we were leaving the hospital I told Pam to
drive her car up to the church just passed Renfro
brothers and I pick her up there. after we prayed and
saw the family street sign, as she was pulling out of the
church parking lot she saw the sign. Amazing! as I was
praying this morning I was asking God please tell me
show me what's next, give me a sign.....
(Bill sent a picture of a church sign that read: “Let the
power of the cross make a difference in your life.)
Me: I knew God loved us, but not until now, through
Rebecca, did I really have a clue how much. Leaving
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the hospital with Ruthie was the single hardest thing I
have ever done.
I also sent the same picture to Jay. This was our text
thread.
Me: I took Coach Owens here after you and your mom
left the night she was born. I told him how God led me
there and told me it all was going to be a miracle. At
1:00 in the morning we prayed at the foot of this cross.
At 1:00 in the morning Bill prayed specifically for you.
He loves you too. It's just his baby girl was hurting.
Bec was strong through this. She fought for you, for
Ruthie, for Jesus. She stood tall and proud. Made did
all off this as people talked trash behind her back. All
of this hurts a father to see His baby girl face. Give
him time. When he seems odd or cold, remember he
loved Rebecca as much as you love Annaleeyah. God
will heal this relationship too.
Jay: When i seen it i just knew where it was..an yes we
all are blessed an we will..I hope yallgettin rest an doing
well..How big girl doing for yall
Precious.
Me: Joshua is trying to be a big helper. I'm about to
give her a bottle. Ill talk to her about you and Bec and
all of this when I feed her.
I am serious about your mom being a true / no limits
grandma. I expect it and want it.
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Jay: Loli knew they would love her..ani know
everything go be okay..an when i held her i just
imagined how he felt bcmhnmhn that baby right
there..Long as i love that girl i will stay on the right path
an i know i will make mistakes but thatshuman..anits
never to late..iwanna become that man he accept his
babygirl to be with..Ani want leeyah to see what a
women deserves an she see how itrear her momma an
know i want be perfect an thats a goal Anicant wait to
get down at the foot of that cross so i can feel it an pray
for all of us
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Normal
We have now begun our new life with Ruthie, with
Rebecca, with Jay and all their families combined. To
Ruthie she will know no other normal. We pray that no
matter how illogical this all may seem that ultimately we
are available and obedient throughout. We really are not
sure how it’s all going to turn out. We have no idea who
or what any of us will ultimately become.
However, we all know without a shadow of a doubt
that none of this was an accident. We once dreamed of a
baby girl. We now dream of the future with Ruthie.
What will Christmases now be like? Sporting events?
Graduation?Her wedding?Her children?Etc?The great
thing is in our wildest dreams, I know we can never
fathom the true path or graces that will be bestowed
upon us.
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Isaiah 55: 8-9. 8 “For my thoughts are
not your thoughts, neither are your ways
my ways,”declares the LORD. 9 “As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are
my ways higher than your ways and my
thoughts than your thoughts.
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Rebecca
At the hospital with Ruthie.
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The image Dana took of Ruthie in the car seat.
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Ruthie at the foot of the cross.
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The Picture Bill sent of the cross, when they stopped to
pray as a family on the way home.
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The picture Bill sent of the street sign at the church
where the cross is.
The church sign Bill Spoke of.
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Dana, Rebecca and Ruthie.
Jay, Misty and Ruthie.
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Caleb and Ruthie.Joshua and Ruthie.
Dana, Jay and Ruthie at the hospital.
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Oceans by HillSong United
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
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[x6]
I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine
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Lead Me to The Cross – Hillsong United
Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and trialed
Human
Word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now You're risen
To Your heart
To Your heart
Lead me to Your heart
Lead me to Your heart
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Sweetly Broken – Jeremy Riddle
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of it's suffering I do drink
Of it's work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I‘m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You‘ve called me out of death
You‘ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I‘m reconciled
Chorus:
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
Chorus: (2x‘s)
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Thanks and Blessings
All honor, blessings and glory are from and for our
Lord Jesus Christ. May we always use our blessings in
all circumstances to praise Him.
We pray for special thanks and blessings for:
-Everyone mentioned in the Story of Ruthie coming to
us.
-Everyone who may not have been mentioned, but know
you are dear in the development and design of our
lives.
-Everyone who prayed for Ruthie, Rebecca, Jay, Bill,
Pam, all grandparents and us throughout this living
miracle.
-Everyone who visited, called, mentored, and presented
gifts to Ruthie and our extended family in this time.
-Our Church: Milestones Church and our small group
for the spiritual gifts and love you provide for us.
-Casey Nunnemaker. Friend and colleague at Chapman
who took her time and efforts to help proof this
story.
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6 Months Later
It has now been 6 months that Ruthie has been with
us. She is a beautiful child. She is smart and has an
unbelievable personality. She is babbling off sounds
and beginning to crawl. She is a perfect baby and has
two great big brothers. Caleb and Joshua simply adore
her.
Rebecca is off to a great year at school. She has
shared her testimony multiple times and has touched the
lives of many. Her volleyball season is going great and
her grades are tremendous.
Jay has enrolled into Spartanburg Community
college and still hold dreams of transferring to a four
year school and giving football one more chance.
All the grandparents are awesome. Ruthie spends
time with all five sets.
I am not sure what plans God has for us in the future.
However, I am sure they are greater than our own.
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