Igbeyawo Ni Ile YorubaGroup 14th September, 2015

Igbeyawo

Background• Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or

ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses thatestablishes rights and obligations between them, between themand their children, and between them and their in-laws.

• Marriage is one of the oldest institutions among Yoruba, it marksthe end and beginning of a new era between two differentlyindividuals, who agreed to live together and their union createseverlasting friendship between homes of their births.

Introduction

• In the time past, marriage matters were never left in the handsof prospective couples, rather they were families’ affairs.

• Several steps were required before marriage could beconsummated, though, things have really changed, some ofthese steps are still valid and observed in marriage journey ofmodern day couples, because of their cultural relevance.

• We take you through the journey of igbeyawo in Yoruba land…

Process/Stages of IgbeyawoThe ProposalInstance 1• Traditional marriage is solely a family affair. It was the responsibility of the father to look for a

spouse for his male child. Once a boy's parents found a girl he will make known his intention tothe parents of the girl and start acting like an in-law to the girl's parent and family.

• Some parents make requests right from pregnancy stage that if a particular woman whom theylike is pregnant especially a friend’s wife, delivered a female child they would marry her for theirson.

• As soon as the agreement has been reached between the two families involved, the family of theyoung boy will begin to render services like free farming work for the family of the girl.

Instance 2• On the other hand, when a man realizes that he loves a particular woman and wants to marry

her, he finds a man or woman who is close to the potential fiancée and who would speak on hisbehalf to the maiden. This intermediary person called ‘Alaarina’ asks the woman if she would bewilling to marry the man who sent him/her. Upon receiving the proposal, the maiden wouldbecome very, very shy and the shyness commonly led to the groom not being able to see thebride-to-be from that point onward.

Stages…Investigation ( Iwaadi)Instance 1• Iwaadi also usually consisted of going to an Ifa priest to seek for the horoscope and future predictions of

the-would-be-couples. If at the end of the research, the results were positives the next step would betaken. If otherwise, the process of the igbeyawo is terminated at this stage.

• If the family was acceptable (through the Ifa divination), this response would be communicated throughan intermediary, and the agreement was sealed by payment of the ijohen. This is a gift from the man'sfamily to the girl and the first installment of the bride’s wealth.

Instance 2• Iwaadi is a set of questions and findings done by the parents (especially the mother) of the groom after

he informs them of his intentions to marrying a particular girl, and prior to the formal proposer thatinitially would be done by them.

• Iwaadi is a very important step in the marriages of our ancestors, it determines if the love of the young-lovers would actually turn into a roller-coaster or would fall down into becoming a nightmare.

• Iwaadi consists of series of questions about the bride’s family. These questions would be posted at friendsand neighbors of the bride’s family, question such as; what type of illness do they suffer from? What kindof relations do they keep with people? Are they nice? Are they chaste? Does their mother fight with theirfather? Is the girl modest and gentle? e.t.c…

The Divination

Stages…Formal Proposal (Itooro)• The Itooro is in fact the real start of the whole processing.

• The father of the groom would go to the bride’s house in the company of one or two friends and, ofcourse, alongside an important member of the clan he belongs to.

• Upon getting to the house of the future in-laws, they would first start the occasion by chats pertaining tomundane issues such as; the farm yield, the status quo of the town and other little topics.

• Such occasions normally are devoid of the presence of women; the groom family would not bring anywoman, and the bride family would only have women serve drinks and kolanuts.

• The father of the groom normally is the one to unwrap the real cause of their presence. After some wordsof appraisal and admiration to the family of the bride, he uses the customary poetry that goes thus;

“ Ododo kan wà ni agbàla yin ti a ni ifè si.

O sin wu wa ki e gba wa laaye lati jaa Ododoo yen.”

• The bride’s family would also conduct their own ‘Iwaadi’ tendering the exact inquiries madeby the groom’s family. And if they also were content with the result of their research, thefather would send the groom’s family a message of acceptance.

Stages…The love visits• After becoming officially engaged, the hiding period normally comes to an end, and the groom would

have the honor of momentary gaze upon his love. The bride’s family would then prepare a kind of get-to-know-each-other lunch for the potential couples, a kind far better than “the promiscuous dates” ofour times.

• Our ancestors knew love well than us, and more importantly they knew how well it could be propagatedand nursed without causing any actual chaos to the society. In simple terms, they did understand clearlythe fine line between love and lust.

• The lunch showed the great in-sight our ancestors had. They knew it was not only normal butessential for the couples to bond together and socialize with each other’s companionsbefore the actual wedding.

• The venue for the lunch is usually the bride’s house. The bride and her best friends would preparedelicious courses in order to entertain the groom and his friends who would visit them.

• The parents of the bride would use the occasion to show-off that they are well-off through the quality ofthe foods and drinks that would be served. The bride and her friends would make known how delicioustheir food can be, how much beautiful they could look in fancy attires, and how extremely polite theycould be in front of visitors.

Stages…• The groom chaperoned by his closest friends would visit the bride’s house. They would all sit in the same

room, discussing and asking things about each other. When lunch is served, the brothers would eattogether, while the ladies would not eat at all because ladies, out of shyness, would resent eating in frontof potential lovers, and for sure the bride’s friends knew that they would definitely be accessed by thegroom’s friends.

• Something that would be of amazement to you is that the groom and his friends were expected toflawlessly conquer any amount of food they might be served. This demonstrated the physical fitness ofthe groom and his friends.

• At the end of ‘the group date’, the bride alongside her friends would see-off the visiting party. Whileseeing them off, both parties would find a way of making the couples be alone for few minutes. Afterfew minutes of private discussion, the groom would also show to the bride that he appreciates herfamily’s warm welcome and hospitality, and that he is a man worthy of such honor. He would, likeothers, show how nice and generous he could be by handing the bride a considerable amount of money.

• The period between ‘itooro’ and ‘idaàna’ normally used to be embedded with lots of getting to knoweach other and generosity from the part of the groom. Writing on the assumption that the groom was asuccessful farmer, the period between itooro and idaàna would normally see the groom sending thefinest of his farm produce to the bride’s family. And the bride herself would also enjoy the gift of clothes,beads and other things.

Stages…Engagement (Idaàna)• Idaana literally means ‘the establishing of in-law ties’ or a more meaningful definition would be ‘the

meeting of the in-laws’. The latter meaning is the most correct as it resonates with ‘mon min nmoo’(introduction) an event that, in fact, is a replica of the idaàna of the past. Modern Yoruba societieshowever, have mixed up these events and have given Idaàna the name of ‘mon min nmoo’.

• The event usually commence before the sun reaches the zenith, a time when the heat of the sun couldonly be felt from the back of one’s head, the Yoruba refers to that time as ‘ asiko ti oorun kan atàri’.

• The event would be coordinated by a representative from each side. The representatives would makethe introductions, the requests and replies on behalf of both sides. The most important request of thegroom would be “Has the father accepted to give Aduke (for example) in marriage to us?”

• The bride’s father’s reply before made known must be preceded by the reception of a sum of moneyfrom the groom’s family, this money is called ‘Owo Baba gboo’( father-heard fee). The bride would becalled on to the limelight, accompanied by her friends, walking with extreme shyness, would kneel infront of her father and he would say to her: Ajani (for example) of the Osolo clan wants to marry you, doyou wish to marry him?

• The brides were not expected to reply due to excessive shyness, and their silences were considered asapproval. One of the other requests is for the groom to prostrate (lie-flat) in ‘’respect “and “greeting” tothe parents of the bride. Other acts are the payment of long list of fees by the groom’s family, here arefew; Owo Olomole, Owo olorogun, Owo iyale, Owo iyagbo, and others…

Stages…

Engagement (Idaàna) Cont’d

• At the end of the event, a long list of the items to bring for “the igbeyawo proper” to be completed would be handed over to the groom’s family. With that the groom’s family prepares for the next step.

Eru Iyawo

The groom’s family is given a list of items to be purchased and brought to their in-law’s house.These items may be divided into two, the ones for the bride and that of the family. In theYoruba traditional setting, these are the most needed symbolic items, especially the food itemsthat must be brought to the bride’s family otherwise the ceremony will not hold. These itemsare brought to the family of the bride. They include:

S/N Bride’s Items Family’s Items1 Wrist watch Yam 21 pieces2 Umbrella Alligator pepper

(ataare)21 pieces3 Bitter cola & Kolanut 21 pieces4 Shoe Oyin, aadun, Ireke, Iyo

5 Bag Schnapps6 Cloths Keg of Palm wine7 Headties Dowry N42.008 Owo iya gbo, baba gbo

N 2.10k9 Owo omoile N2.00.10 Owo iyawo ile N2.00.11 Owo isigba N2.00.

Eru Iyawo

Eru Iyawo (Cont’d)

Stages… (cont’d)Ayeye Igbeyawo (the Wedding Ceremony)• The bride’s family normally would at first turn down one or two wedding dates proposed by the groom’s

family in a show that they are not eager to send away their daughter. After some stalling, the bridefamily would at last give a convenient date; customarily the date must fall on an Ojoobo (Thursday), asthat was the traditional day for wedding ceremony among Yoruba of the past.

• The marriage ceremony is always a glamorous affair. Foods and palm wine are always in surplus, musicand fun fair will fill the atmosphere both in the young man’s house and the ladies’ house.

Ayeye Igbeyawo (Cont’d)• This ceremony is usually preceded by the “Bride’s Eve (Àìsùn Ìyàwó)” or “Bride’s Enjoyment

(Fàájì Ìyàwó)” where the major context of performance of the nuptial poetry (EwìAj͑móyáwó) takes place.

• The bride will be chanting the nuptial chant known as ekun iyawo to receive blessings from her parents. Also on that day before the girl moves into her husband’s house, she makes a ceremonial tour around the town, starting with her own compound, saying farewell to her kin and announcing her impending change of state.

• After this admonition and prayers from the family, the wives from the bride’s husband’s family, wives from the bride’s family and some of her friends will take her to her new house with singing and dancing. As soon as the people from the lady's family begin to approach the house of the husband to be, the husband must leave the house as it is a taboo for the newly wedded wife to meet her husband at home.

• At the husband’s house, before the bride enters the house, her feet will be washed with water in order to bring success, peace and tranquility into the house. Immediately she enters her husband's house, she will be taken to the eldest person in the husband's family for the person's prayer.

Awon Onilu

Final Stage…

Bride’s Eve (Aisun Iyuwo)• This is the final stage of the igbeyawo. This is another rite known as ‘’Ibaale’’ which would simply be

accomplished by the groom after he shuts firmly the door of her room.

• On that night, the first copulation will take place to confirm if she is a virgin or not. If the lady is foundnot to be a virgin, the young man might reject her and send her back to her parents in disgrace or decideanything about her case but those who follows the lady to her husband's house will be the one who willgo and inform the lady's parent at home. It is expected in the olden days that all marrying ladies must bevirgin.

• The family of the husband will now send half filled palm wine jar along with coal and empty match boxto the lady's parent to denote that they have given them a used or empty girl to marry i.e. korofo niomo ti e fun mi. This act brings ridicule and shame on the family of the lady.

• If on the other hand, the lady is a virgin, those who followed her to her husband’s house will still be toldthe result and they will take the good tidings to the lady's parent at home with a calabash filled withfresh palm wine and a matches box filled with matches sticks.

• After the wedding, the next thing being expected is for the wife to conceive and give birth after ninemonths because the Yorubas’ believe so much in having children.

Ale Ojo Iyawo (Bride’s Eve)

Awon Ore Iyawo