if you dont prioritizeyourlife
TRANSCRIPT
8/12/2019 If You Dont PrioritizeYourLife
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If You Don't Prioritize Your Life,
Someone Else Will
"A 'no' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'yes' merely uttered to please,
or worse, to avoid trouble." So said Mahatma Gandhi, and we all know how hisconviction played out on the world stage. ut what is less well known is how this same
discipline played out privately with his own grandson, Arun Gandhi.
Arun grew up in South Africa. !hen he was a young boy, he was beaten up twice once
for being too white and once for being too black. Still angry, Arun was sent to spend timewith his grandfather. #n an interview with Arun, he told me that his grandfather was in
demand from many important people, yet he still prioriti$ed his grandson, spending two
hours a day for %& months ust listening to Arun. #t proved to be a turning point in Arun'slife.
# had the opportunity to apply Gandhi's e(ample of prioriti$ation to my own life, hours
before one of my daughters was born. # felt pressure to go to a client meeting the ne(t
day. ut on this occasion, # knew what to do. #t was clearly a time to be there for my wifeand child. So, when asked to attend the meeting, # said with all the conviction # could
muster...
")es."
*o my shame, while my wife lay in the hospital with my hours+old baby, # went to themeeting. Afterward, my colleague said, "*he client will respect you for making thedecision to be here." ut the look on the clients' faces mirrored how # felt. What was I
doing there?! # had not lived true to Gandhi's saying. # had said "yes" to please.
As it turned out, e(actly nothing came of the client meeting. And even if the client had respected my choice, and key business opportunities had resulted, # would still have
struck a fool's bargain. My wife supported me and trusted me to make the right choice
under the circumstances, and # had opted to deprioriti$e her and my child.
!hy did # do it # have two confessions
First, I allowed social awkwardness to trump making te rigt decision! # wasn't forced to attend the meeting. #nstead, # was so an(ious to please that even awkward silent
pauses on the phone were too much for me. #n order to stop the social pain, # said "yes"
when # knew the answer should be "no."
8/12/2019 If You Dont PrioritizeYourLife
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Second, I "elie#ed tat $I had to make tis work!$ -ogically, # knew # had a choice,
but emotionally, # felt that # had no choice. *hat one corrupted assumption
psychologically removed many of the actual choices available to me.
Wat can %ou do to a#oid te mistake of sa%ing $%es$ wen %ou know te answer
sould "e $no$&
First, separate te decision from te relationsip! Sometimes these seem so
interconnected, we forget there are two different uestions we need to answer. ydeliberately dividing these uestions, we can make a more conscious choice. Answer the
uestion, "!hat is the right decision" and then "/ow can # communicate this as kindly
as possible"
Second, watc %our language! 0very time we say, "# have to take this call" or "# have tosend this piece of work off" or "# have to go to this client meeting," we are assuming that
previous commitments are nonnegotiable. 0very time you use the phrase "# have to" over
the ne(t week, stop and replace it with "# choose to." #t can feel a little odd at first 1 andin some cases it can even be gut+wrenching 2if we are choosing the wrong priority3. ut
ultimately, using this language reminds us that we are making choices, which enables us
to make a different choice.
ird, a#oid working for or wit people wo don't respect %our priorities! #t maysound simplistic, but this is a truly liberating rule4 *here are people who share your
values and as a result make it natural to live your priorities. #t may take a while to find an
employment situation like this, but you can set your course to that destinationimmediately.
Saying "yes" when we should be saying "no" can seem like a small thing in the moment.ut over time, such compromises can create a life of regrets. #ndeed, an Australian nurse
named ronnie !are, who cared for people in the last %5 weeks of their lives, recordedthe most often+discussed regrets. At the top of the list "# wish #'d had the courage to live
a life true to myself, not the life others e(pected of me." 6e(t on the list "# wish # hadn't
worked so hard" and "# wish #'d had the courage to e(press my feelings." 27ead the *op 8
7egrets here3.
!e may not develop Gandhian levels of courage immediately, but surely we can do
better than having to look back on our lives and regret that we lived by someone else's
priorities.