If I won the lottery Have you ever wondered what you would do if you won the lottery? I mean the first prize, the jackpot, loads and loads of money. So much money you could do anything you wanted. You could buy a big house or two, maybe on the coast or in the mountains. A car, a Mercedes maybe. Lots of clothes to fill the big closets in the big house. A boat, a private jet, a small Mediterranean island. And of course you would be really, really happy. Or would you? The best thing about having lots of money is you dont have to work and you dont have to worry about paying the rent or the mortgage.Believe it or not English teachers are not very well paid. Thats why I live in a small apartment. My living room is about half the size of Britney Spears walk-in closet. My kitchen is just big enough for me and the refrigerator and my bathroom is too small for a bath. My bedroom? Well, theres the bed and enough space to open and close the door. Theres not enough space to swing a cat. This is a saying not something anybody actually does. Nobody goes into an apartment, grabs a cat by the tail and swings it round and round. Only a really, really mean person would do that. Anyway I suppose I would buy a bigger place to live. But I wouldnt buy a very big house, not a mansion and definitely not a castle. A castle would be too cold and too draughty. And dont forget it could be haunted. Really. Ghosts like to live in cold, dark places and scare small children and nervous adults. A castle is just ideal for a ghost. So I would buy myself a nice house with a garden but what would I do all day? What would you do all day? Hang out? Drink coffee with friends? Eat lunch? Surf the internet? Play sports? Read a novel? Go see a movie? Drink a beer or two? Go for a drive in the Mercedes? Go out dancing until four in the morning? Take a trip somewhere? I mean, really, what would you do? You wouldnt even have anything to worry about. Ive always wanted to write a novel. So I suppose I could do that. It would be a mixture of adventure and romance, gun fights and kisses. The main character, the protagonist, is Annie. Shes twenty five years old, drinks very strong coffee and smokes French cigarettes. She doesnt have a boyfriend because, well, have you ever kissed someone who drinks lots of coffee and smokes strong cigarettes? I have. His name was Lex. Ill tell you more about Lex some other time. Annie wears a leather jacket and jeans and rides a very noisy motorbike. Her eyes are green, like a cat. Her hair is long and black. Annie delivers pizza for a living. One evening she takes two pepperoni pizzas to a small house on the edge of town. When she gets there the house is dark. She rings the bell. Nobody answers. Then she notices that the door is open. She goes inside and finds two dead bodies lying on the floor in the living room. She drops the pizzas and runs. Out in the street she jumps onto her motorbike. A hundred meters away headlights are turned on. Annie is scared. It could be the killer. The car comes towards her, slowly. Annie tries to start the motorbike but somethings wrong. The engine wont start. The car stops beside Annie. The window winds down. Annie recognizes the man inside. Its Alistair, her ex-boyfriend, and hes holding a gun. That would be how my novel would start if I was rich and had time to write it. What do you think? Would it be a best seller? Would you buy it? When I was younger I wanted to be a private detective. It seemed so glamorous. Catching bad guys. Drinking whisky in smoke-filled bars. But actually I dont like whisky and I dont smoke. So I became an English teacher instead. A poor English teacher. I dont do the lottery every week. Its too expensive. And I never win anything. Not a cent. So I think Im going to have to keep working a little while longer. But maybe I could write my novel after all in the evenings or the mornings when I have no lessons. And maybe, when its finished, a big publisher would pay me lots of money for it. It would be just like winning the lottery. No it would be better. Much better. Because Id have earned it.