8/2/2019 IELTS Full Correction Sample

1/2

Example submission:

The more power a person has, the more responsibility they bear. To what extent do you agree or

disagree with this statement?

It is common for people to be told that the more power they have the more responsible they must be. It is

believed that this statement is applied to an individual would have many responsibilities once receiving

the promotion. These can be proven by Thai Prime Ministers responsibilities, Mr. Apisit . (

8/2/2019 IELTS Full Correction Sample

2/2

Topic 2

Example

Discussion

Conclusion

Summary

Restatement of thesisPrediction or recommendation

A second point I need to make is regarding your supporting points in this essay. You are supposed to be

proving that when a person is endowed with more power, they are equally endowed with greater

responsibility. Here you seem to be providing evidence that doesnt really support your thesis (unless I

have completely misunderstood what you are writing, which is a possibility).

Grammatically speaking, the essay is weak. Many sentences are incoherent. Take this as an example:

These can be proven by Thai Prime Ministers responsibilities, Mr. Apisit .

Is Mr. Apisit the responsibility? Well, according to this sentence he is. Why is there a space before theperiod? I think what you want to write is:

This can be proven by looking at the power and responsibility bestowed upon Thailands Prime Minister,

Mr. Apisit.

On the IELTS exam, I would expect an essay like this to score extremely low.

I am sorry if this email is upsetting. Please use my advice as a tool to motivate you to make constructive

changes to your writing.

Good luck,

Ryan