IA FamilyHANDBOOK

IA Family Handbook

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What’s IA Anyway? .......................................................................... 4

Your Sailor ......................................................................................... 5

R&R Leave ....................................................................................................5

Ten Ways To Support Your Sailor During IA Assignment ........................ 6

Your Home......................................................................................... 8

“Honey Do List” ............................................................................................. 8

Ten Tips for Staying Safe at Home ............................................................. 9

Extended Time Away ................................................................................. 10

Your Vehicles ................................................................................... 11

Keeping ‘Em Running ............................................................................... 11

Ten Tips for Staying Safe on the Road ................................................... 12

If Your Vehicle Breaks Down .................................................................... 13

Cell Phone Savvy on the Road ................................................................. 13

Kids in Cars ................................................................................................ 14

Your Money ..................................................................................... 15

Spending Plan ........................................................................................... 15

Important Documents ...............................................................................17

Your Emotions ................................................................................ 19

Emotional Ups and Downs of Deployment ............................................ 19

How’s Your Attitude? ................................................................................ 20

Proven Stress Busters ............................................................................... 21

Ten Ways to Stay Busy During an IA Assignment ................................. 22

Media and Navy Families ......................................................................... 24

Contents

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Ten Tips for Dealing with the Media ....................................................... 25

Your Family ..................................................................................... 26

Keep Your Relationship Strong ................................................................ 26

Children and Deployment ........................................................................ 27

Stay Connected.......................................................................................... 29

OPSEC ......................................................................................................... 32

Combat and Operational Stress .............................................................. 51

Help When You Need It ................................................................. 35

American Red Cross ................................................................................. 35

Chaplain ..................................................................................................... 36

Command Family Readiness Group ....................................................... 37

Command Ombudsman ........................................................................... 37

Expeditionary Combat Readiness Center (ECRC) ................................. 38

Fleet and Family Support Center ............................................................ 38

Military One Source ................................................................................... 39

Navy Marine Corps Relief Society ........................................................... 40

Personnel Support Detachment ............................................................. 41

TRICARE ..................................................................................................... 41

Homecoming .................................................................................. 41

Expectations .............................................................................................. 42

Children and Reunion ............................................................................... 44

Resources........................................................................................ 45

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Your Sailor is deploying – but not with a shipor a squadron, but as an “individualaugmentee”. You probably have lots ofquestions and so does your Sailor! The Navyoften sends Sailors to assist, or augment, acommand when needed. Now the Navy issending Sailors to assist the Army in the GlobalWar on Terrorism (GWOT). Most Sailors aregoing TAD to Iraq, Afghanistan, the Horn ofAfrica and Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, but theycan be assigned all over the world.

In a few cases, active duty Sailors are selectedfor an IA assignment at the same time theyare scheduled to transfer from their currentNavy command. These Sailors are eitherextended at their current Navy command orissued Indeterminate Temporary Duty(ITDY) orders. ITDY orders detach theSailor from their current Navy command andallow the opportunity for the Sailor tonegotiate and accept orders during their IAassignment to their next Navy command andreport upon completion of the IA assignmentand authorized leave.

Reserve Sailors issued mobilization orders indirect support of GWOT are detached fromtheir Reserve Center for the duration of theassignment. Upon demobilization the IASailor returns to their respective ReserveCenter.

What’s IA Anyway?

Your Sailor is temporarily assigned to duty(TAD). They may be TAD for a few monthsor a year or longer. An IA TAD assignment iscounted towards sea duty time and not countedtowards shore duty time. While on TAD yourSailor is still assigned to their Navy commandand that is where you should go for questionsabout orders or other military questions. Ifyour Sailor detached from his/her parentcommand and has not accepted orders to his/her next parent command, you can contact theExpeditionary Combat Readiness Center forinformation. More information is available onpage 38. Your command ombudsman will beable to help you get answers to questions youhave about your loved one’s IA assignment.

Experienced deployers say planning, commu-nication and knowing your resources are thekeys to a successful deployment. This hand-book provides basic information to help youin all three areas.

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Your Sailor should have at least sixty days toprepare for his/her IA assignment. There’s aflurry of preparation activities during thistime. Some of the activities every IA Sailormust complete include:

A medical/dental check-up.

Online Navy courses related to theirIA assignment.

Personal preparation.

Your Sailor may have conflicting feelingswhile preparing for assignment. He/she mayfeel stressed about all they need to do toprepare. They may feel guilty about leavingtheir family. They may be afraid. They alsomay be proud and excited to be able tosupport their country in the fight of the waron terrorism.

Your Sailor

When preparation is finalized and accordingto the date on your Sailor’s orders, they travelto a Navy Mobilization and Processing Site(NMPS) where everything is double checkedto ensure your Sailor is ready to deploy.

Their next stop is additional training to makesure your Sailor is prepared to do his/her job.Training ranges from two weeks to sixmonths depending on the requirements oftheir IA assignment. Most Sailors attend a twoweek long Combat Skills Training Course atFort Jackson, South Carolina, which is anArmy base. Some Sailors get additional jobspecific training before heading to their newtemporary duty assignment.

Your Sailor remains attached to his/her“parent” command which is the commandthey were assigned to when they receivedtemporary orders. Feel free to contact thecommand or the command ombudsman forany questions you may have.

Rest and Recuperation (R&R) leave is charge-able leave available to give service membersrest from a combat zone. There are two typesof R&R leave:

1. A four day pass to safe locations near thetheater of operations such as Camp AlSaliyah, Qatar.

2. A fifteen day pass out of the theater ofoperations.

R&R leave is a privilege, not an entitlement.Service members must be in theater for atleast sixty days before they are allowed R&R

R&R Leave

leave. R&R leave within the last sixty days ofdeployment is strongly discouraged.

Travel time to and from R&R leave is notcharged as leave. Your Sailor’s command is notallowed to have more than ten per cent of theirpersonnel away at any time which may impactwhen your Sailor can take leave. Air travel isprovided to the commercial air port closest tothe R&R traveler’s leave address. Leave beginsto be charged the day after your Sailor arrives atthe commercial airport closest to his/her leaveaddress. Only one fifteen day trip will beauthorized in a twelve month period.

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10Ten Ways To Support Your Sailor Duringan IA Assignment

Family members who have supported their Sailor through an IA assignmentoffer the following suggestions:

1. Get organized – The command will provide a checklist of items theNavy requires that must be done before your Sailor deploys. You canalso create a checklist of items that need to be done to make thisseparation easier for you and your children. Go to www.ffsp.navy.miland click on “deployment checklists” to get started.

2. Stay positive – Long separations can seem unbearable. However,they do provide the opportunity for personal growth. Bolster eachother’s confidence that you can make it through the separation.

3. Manage the home front – Your Sailor will be able to focus onthe mission and stay safer by knowing you can handle dailyresponsibilities such as finances, your home and vehicle.

4. Discuss solutions – Invariably challenges will arise while you areseparated. Try not to focus on problems, but identify possiblesolutions to problems.

5. Communicate – Write letters, email, send pictures and care packages.Communicate regularly. Tell funny stories; send cartoons, forwarduplifting quotes. Maintain your connection.

6. Take care of yourself – Eat healthily. Exercise. Get plenty of rest.Stay physically and emotionally strong. Knowing you are healthyreduces your Sailor’s worries.

7. Care for your children – Single parenting while your Sailor is de-

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ployed is challenging, but again knowing their children are being wellcared for reduces your Sailor’s worries. This doesn’t mean you shouldnever go out and have fun. Quite the contrary. It’s important to taketime for yourself. Your children need a break from you occasionallytoo! Locate a wonderful child care provider and take a break fromsingle parenting at least a few hours each week.

8. Tell your Sailor you love them – Absence really does make the heartgrow fonder. Make a point to tell your Sailor you love them everychance you get.

9. Watch for signs of stress – You know your Sailor better than anyoneelse in the world. Pay attention to signs of stress while deployed orupon returning from an IA assignment. Although everyone has anoff day or two, if your Sailor consistently seems moody, angry ordepressed suggest they talk with a chaplain, contact Military OneSource, Fleet and Family Support Center or the Veterans Administra-tion. Contact information is at the end of this booklet.

10. Get help when you need it – Supporting your Sailor, especiallyduring an IA assignment in a combat zone, is challenging. The Navyknows this and has a number of programs and services to assist you.Don’t let situations get out of control. Get help to prevent minorproblems from becoming major ones.

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If something is going to go wrong during adeployment, most military spouses say it willinvolve the house or the car. Have your Sailordo as much preventive maintenance aspossible. Make sure you have adequateinsurance to cover the big things that can gowrong. Homeowners, rental, flood and carinsurance can’t eliminate any losses you mighthave, but they can make recovering frommajor losses easier.

Preplan where you will go incase you are required toevacuate your home during adisaster. Both you and yourspouse will feel calmerknowing you have a plan anda place to go during a disastersuch as a hurricane or

earthquake. Create an emergency prepared-ness kit. A basic kit includes:

Flash lights or battery-poweredlanterns and extra batteries and bulbs.

First aid kit with any medicationsfamily members routinely take.

Water – one gallon per familymember. Store enough for fivedays.

Food – nonperishable foods thatdon’t need to be cooked orrefrigerated. Store enough forfive days. Don’t forget food/water for pets.

Portable radio and extra batteries.

Your Home

“Honey Do List”

Although your Sailor has about a millionthings to do before they deploy ensure theycomplete routine maintenance and show youhow to handle minor repairs. Create a “honeydo list” of items that must be done beforedeployment. If you’re in the middle of arenovation project try to complete it or atleast make it usable. Washing dishes in thebathroom because the kitchen is beingremodeled isn’t much of a problem for a fewdays, but it can become a major aggravationafter a few months.

Your spouse probably does a lot of routinemaintenance around the house. Ask them toshow you, or to write down, step by stepinstructions so you know how to do routinetasks such as:

Change the air conditioner/furnacefilter.

Change the water filter.

Start the lawnmower, put gas and oilinto it.

Reverse ceiling fans.

Vacuum the refrigerator coils.

Fix a leaking toilet.

Reset circuit breakers.

Deal with computer quirks.

Hook up a new propane tank to thegrill.

Change smoke alarm/clock batteries.

If something can go wrong,it will go wrong.

– Murphy’s law.

TOP TIPMake sure you haverenter’s/home-owner’s insurance.If you live in an areathat is prone toflooding, make sureyou have floodinsurance too.

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10Ten Tips for Staying Safe at Home

Before your loved one leaves do a safety check of your house or apartment.Most police departments will do a walk through of your home and makerecommendations to improve safety for no charge. Tips include:

1. Place telephones with emergency numbers by your bed and near theplace you sit most often.

2. Always lock all doors and windows.

3. Use a peephole to identify visitors before opening your door.

4. Do not hide spare keys outside your home.

5. Do not provide your house keys to service people.

6. Do not invite strangers into your home.

7. Avoid telling others about the valuables in your home. Crush boxesof high value items such as televisions and computers when you setthe trash out.

8. Make sure there is good lighting around the place where you park.

9. Install motion detector lights around your house instead of justleaving lights on at night. The lights coming on and turning offattract the attention of neighbors. Install these lights at least 8 feetabove the ground so they are more difficult to disable.

10. If you have shrubs and bushes, select ones with thorns to deterpotential intruders from hiding in them.

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Extended Time Away

Many Navy spouses choose to go back home to live during a deployment or to go for an ex-tended visit. If you’re able to stay with parents or other families during the deployment it’s agreat way to save money by not having to pay household expenses. If you have young children,of if your children are out of school, it’s also a great way for them to get to know grandparentsand other family members better.

If you are planning to stay with family during the deployment, note that this is not covered inthe military clause of most leases so there may be hefty financial penalties involved in breakingyour lease.

When away from your house for several days or several weeks:

If possible, have your telephone calls forwarded.

Stop your newspaper and forward your mail.

Have a plan in place to have the grass mowed or snow shoveled.

Use a timer for lights.

If you have a trusted neighbor tell them when you are going to be away and providecontact information.

Ask your local police to check your home periodically.

Contact TRICARE health care system at www.tricare.osd.mil when you’re away fromhome for more than thirty days to ensure you maintain coverage.

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Car payments, car repairs, car insurance andwhat to do if you don’t have your own vehicleare items you must handle.

You need to know the basics:

Whose name(s) is the vehicleregistered under?

Who is the insurance company andwhen is the next premium due?

When is the payment to renew thelicense plates or tags due?

Is an inspection sticker required, ifso, often does must it be renewed?

Are car payments made electronicallyor do you need to send a check eachmonth?

Your Vehicles

Keeping ‘Em Running

Ensure all routine maintenance is done priorto the deployment. Make sure you have thename of a trusted mechanic/repair garageand the schedule for upcoming maintenancedue such as oil and filter changes and tirerotation.

Should your car need repairs and you don’thave sufficient money to pay, Navy MarineCorps Relief Society (NMCRS) may be ableto assist with a no interest loan. If you arenot living near a military installation contactthe American Red Cross who acts as an agentfor NMCRS in communities all over theUnited States. To find a local NMCRSgo to http://www.nmcrs.org and to locatea local Red Cross office go tohttp://www.redcross.org.

Walking isn't a lost art -one must, by some means,

get to the garage

– Evan Esar

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10Ten Tips for Staying Safe on the Road

Whether driving long distance or around town practice these tips to ensureyour safety on the road:

1. Keep your doors locked, safety belts buckled and children safe andsecure in properly installed safety seats.

2. Don't let your gas tank fall below 1/3 tank.

3. Stay on main roads and highways, and don't forget maps!

4. Pack a flashlight, blanket and a first-aid kit. In cold climates, packextra warm clothing.

5. If you are going on a long trip, pack an emergency ration kit of waterand nonperishable food items such as fruit or granola bars.

6. When stopping for breaks, never let kids go to the restroom alone.Always lock vehicle doors, even if you'll only be gone for a few minutes.

7. Carry a cell phone in case of emergencies.

8. Do not stop to help a disabled vehicle. Instead, call for help from apay phone or your cell phone.

9. If stopping during night-time travel, choose a well-lighted, populatedfacility. Park where your vehicle can be seen.

10. If approached by someone while your vehicle is stopped, keep yourdoors locked and only roll your window down enough to hear whatthe person is saying.

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If Your Vehicle Breaks Down

You are vulnerable when your vehicle breaksdown. It’s important to be cautious even whena well meaning stranger offers assistance:

Move your vehicle off the road safelyaway from traffic.

Stay inside your vehicle,and make all passengersstay inside, too. Keepdoors locked.

If you can't move yourvehicle off the road, askall passengers to exit thevehicle when it is safe todo so, and stand awayfrom traffic.

If you must walk to aphone, keep your familytogether.

Raise the vehicle's hood, tie a whitecloth to a door handle or usereflective triangles or flares. Warningdevices should be placed far enoughaway from the vehicle to giveoncoming traffic time to react. Agood rule of thumb is three devicesat 100, 50 and 25 yards from thevehicle - or 300, 200 or 100 feet.

Only roll down the window enough toask any passersby to call police.

Cell Phone Savvyon the Road

Cell phones increase your feeling of safetywhen driving but, while convenient, using cellphones and driving can be hazardous. TheAmerican Automobile Association offersthese tips:

Make sure your phone is placedwhere you can easily reach it whiledriving.

Know all the operations of your cellphone and learn to use it withoutlooking.

Keep your attention on the road byprogramming frequently callednumbers into the phone's memory tominimize dialing.

Dial sensibly. Wait for a stoplight, pulloff the road to dial or ask a passen-ger to dial for you.

Be careful about where you stop tomake calls.

When calling 9-1-1 to report anemergency, be prepared to providethe closest major cross streets or off-ramps, and know your cellular phonenumber.

Use your voice mail to take calls orleave yourself messages. Never takenotes while driving.

Use only hands free cell phones whiledriving on Navy bases.

TOP TIPMake sure you have the name of atrusted mechanic/repair garage.

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Kids in Cars

Restraining children is not just a good idea.It’s the law in all fifty states. Never hold achild on your lap. You could crush them in acrash, or the child may be torn from yourarms. Restrain your children appropriately fortheir age, weight and height. Follow thedirections that come with child safety seats aswell as the child passenger directions in yourvehicle’s owner’s manual. Ask your local policedepartment, hospital or insurance companyfor a safety seat inspection as many seats arenot correctly installed in vehicles. Childrenunder twelve years old should sit in the backseat as air bags are made to protect adults andcan harm children if they are activated.

Other vehicle safety tips for children include:

Children can easily become restless orirritable when on the road. Try tokeep them occupied by pointing outinteresting sights along the way andby bringing soft, lightweight toys,DVDs if you have a player, andfavorite CDs for a sing-along.

Never leave your child alone in a car,even for a minute. Temperaturesinside the car can reach deadly levelsin minutes, and your child can die ofheat stroke.

Never allow children to ride in thecargo area of a station wagon, van,or pickup. Anyone riding in the cargoarea could be thrown out and severelyinjured or killed.

Always double check beforebacking out of your garage, drivewayor parking space as children arehard to see.

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Talking about your budget, banking, taxes andimportant documents may seem like the lastthing you want to do before your Sailor leaves,but having your financial affairs organized cangive you some peace of mind.

IA AssignmentEntitlements

Your Sailor may be entitled tosome additional financialincentives during their IAassignment. Most IA assign-ment related entitlementsstart at the mobilizationprocessing site. Some ofthese entitlements include:

Hostile Fire Pay/Imminent DangerPay.

Combat Zone Tax Exclusion.

Complete tax free pay enlisted/warrants. Officers up to allowablelimit. Note: Social Security andMedicare are collected.

Hardship Duty Pay.

Incidental Expense per diem paidwhen lodging and meals are provided.This is in addition to full BasicAllowance for Subsistence. Monthlytravel claims are required for payment.

Family Separation Allowance.

Your Money

Spending Plan

Setting up a spending plan is one of thesmartest things you can do prior to adeployment or any time. A spending planallows you to see where your money is goingand to make adjustments as needed to meetyour financial goals.

It’s good to do a plan together so both youand your partner understand and agree tohow finances will be handled during thedeployment.

When setting up or updating your spendingplan look at possible changes to your income:

Will your Sailor earn any additionalmoney for per diem, family separa-tion allowance, combat duty pay, etc.?

Will your Sailor be paid for apromotion during deployment?

Will a reenlistment bonus be receivedduring deployment?

Will you be working longer or shorterhours?

Before the deployment ensure:

Pay distribution is set up the way youwant. Are direct deposits, any allot-ments or automatic check draftsestablished?

How will your Sailor pay for theirexpenses? They are required to have agovernment travel card to pay forofficial expenses. Will they have a fixedamount each month they can accessvia personal check or debit card?

Money is the opposite ofthe weather. Nobody talksabout it, but everybody does

something about it.

– Rebecca Johnson

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Are you using joint or separatechecking accounts? If joint, have youdiscussed how you will manage theaccount?

Do you have overdraft protection foryour checking accounts just in case?

Are you prepared for recurring, butnot monthly expenses such as tuitionpayments, car and home insurance?

Financial challenges:

Do you have money saved in case offinancial emergency?

Have you considered asking yourSailor to sign a pre-authorizationform with Navy Marine Corps ReliefSociety if your savings are minimal?

Are you an authorized user of yourSailor’s My Pay account?

Taxes:

Will your Sailor be deployed duringthe tax season? If you file jointlyyou’ll need to get a Special Power ofAttorney for filing taxes or depositingthe refund.

Do you need an extension of thefiling deadline?

Do you need to file state income taxreturns? You can contact the InternalRevenue Service at www.irs.gov formore information

Financial goals:

If you have credit card balances areyou working to pay it off ?

Have you and your Sailor discussedfinancial goals? Are you saving foremergencies, a new car, a house, avacation?

Is your Sailor enrolled in theThrift Savings Plan?

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Important Documents

Four key documents usually reviewed andupdated if necessary before any deploymentare:

1. Wills.

2. Powers of Attorney.

3. Service Members’ Group LifeInsurance.

4. Emergency Data Form.

Wills

A will is a legal expression or declaration ofan individual’s wishes upon their death. Forcouples with children it’s important to includewho you’d want to care for your childrenshould something happen to both you andyour Sailor. To ensure your estate is distrib-uted how you want, make sure you have acurrent will and your loved ones know itslocation. Your local Navy Legal Services Officewill assist you in making a will at no cost.

Powers of Attorney

Powers of Attorney can be very useful whenconducting personal business. They can alsobe very dangerous documents as they allowsomeone to act in your behalf. When yourSailor is deployed you may need differenttypes of Powers of Attorney for differenttasks. For example, you may need a specialPower of Attorney to file your taxes or foryou or to buy or sell a big ticket item such as avehicle or condo. There is a document called a“General Power of Attorney” that can beused in a variety of situations. You need to

know in advance what type of Power ofAttorney will be accepted by an institutionyou want to do business with. Not all willaccept a General Power of Attorney. Yourlocal Navy Legal Services Office can discussoptions and draw up a Power of Attorney atno charge.

Service members’ Group LifeInsurance (SGLI)

Active duty service members are eligible to beinsured under SGLI up to a maximum of$400,000 in increments of $50,000. Beforedeploying you should ask your Sailor to verifywho they have designated as beneficiary andmake changes as necessary. A will does notimpact who is the beneficiary of life insur-ance. To make changes Election Form(VA Form SGLV-8286) must be completed.For more information on Service Member’sGroup Life Insurance visit the Departmentof Veterans Group Life Insurance informa-tion page at http://www.insurance.va.gov/sgliSite/default.htm.

Emergency Data Form

The Emergency Data Form is more com-monly referred to as the “Page Two” of yourSailor’s Service Record. Your Sailor providesinformation about who should be contactedif they become ill, are injured, killed ormissing so you can see how important it is toensure your address and phone number areaccurate. If you leave the area for an extendedperiod of time, or move, contact your com-mand ombudsman and provide your currentcontact information.

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Other Important Documents

If you don’t already have one it’s a good idea to invest in a small, fire proof safe or rent a safetydeposit box to store your family’s important documents. Many of these documents are hard toreplace. Even though you don’t need them often, when you do need them they are critical.Do you know where each of the following documents is located?

Birth Certificates.

Marriage License.

Divorce Decrees.

Death Certificates.

Medical Records of each Family Member.

Dental Records of each Family Member.

Veterinarian Records for each Pet.

Adoption Papers.

Citizenship/Naturalization Papers.

Passports/Visas.

Insurance Policies (Life, Health, Home, Vehicle, Flood).

Real Estate Documents (Lease, Deed, First and Second Mortgages).

Car Title, Registration and Inspection.

Most Recent Leave and Earnings Statement (LES).

Social Security Number of each Family Member.

Current Address and Phone Number of Immediate Family Members of both Spouses.

Wills.

Power Of Attorney(s).

TOP TIPOrganize all of your important papers, makea copy, and store the originals and copiesseparately in a safe place.

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Sailors have been deploying and their lovedones have awaited their return over thecenturies, but waiting can be hard. It’s not justday-to-day chores and responsibilities that youmust handle on your own, but the roller

coaster of emotions youhave to deal with. You’reproud of your Sailor, butangry they must deploy. Youmay worry that you canhandle the additional respon-sibilities, yet are confidentyou can. You fear for yourloved one’s safety and yourheart aches for their return.

Emotional Ups and Downsof Deployment

Lots of research has been done to understandthe common feelings Sailors and their familiesexperience when separated from each otherdue to a military assignment. You may experi-ence similar feelings or your reactions may bevery different. There is no such thing as a“right” or “wrong” feeling. If you find you’refeelings are getting in the way of you doing thethings you need to do – caring for children,going to work or school, taking care of thehouse – don’t hesitate to contact your Fleet andFamily Support Center, a chaplain or MilitaryOne Source for assistance. Their numbers arelisted in the back of this handbook.

Your Emotions

Anticipation of Loss

Anticipating loss occurs before deployment. It’sa time of tension and confusing emotions. ForIA deployments it seems like this phase is anever-ending series of command checkoutactions required to deploy overseas.

You may be angry and resentful of the hoursrequired to get ready for departure. You may ormay not talk about your fear for your Sailor’ssafety associated with many IA assignments.Service members feel guilty that they are leavingtheir families. Arguments and bickering arecommon. Although irritating, it can be a wayfor you to distance emotionally in preparationfor the separation.

Detachment and Withdrawal

Occurring a day or two before deployment, inmany ways this can be the most difficult time.You stop sharing thoughts and feelings witheach other. This is a natural response asseparation is imminent. Although physicallytogether, you are separated emotionally.This can be especially difficult if it is seen asrejection rather than as a reaction to tryingcircumstances. Often non-deploying spousesthink, “If you have to go, go.” And Sailorsthink, “Let’s get on with it!”

For it was not into my earyou whispered, but into my

heart. It was not my lips youkissed, but my soul.

– Judy Garland

TOP TIPAcknowledge your feelings.Respect your feelings. Don’t letthem overwhelm you. Get help ifneeded.

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Emotional Disorganization

Once your Sailor leaves you may feel an initialsense of relief followed by guilt. You may feeldisorganized, depressed, or restless. Oldroutines have been disrupted and new onesnot yet established. It’s not unusual to feeloverwhelmed as you face total responsibilityfor family affairs. Give yourself a few weeksand you’ll begin to feel more in control.

Recovery

At some point during the deployment, newroutines are established. You feel more comfort-able with the reorganization of roles andresponsibilities. New sources of support and anew sense of independence and freedom aredeveloped.

How’s Your Attitude?

While feelings can be difficult to control, it iseasier to manage your thoughts and attitudetowards this IA assignment. Attitude is thestate of mind with which you approach asituation. Why is your attitude important? Itaffects how you look, what you say and whatyou do. It affects how you feel both physi-cally and emotionally. It largely affects howsuccessful you are in achieving your purposein life. While talent is helpful and knowledgeis essential, the most important key tosuccess in any endeavor is your state ofmind.

With an IA assignment or anything in lifeyou have a choice to make. You can apply apositive attitude and make the best of asituation or you can apply a negative attitude,withdraw and complain.

Approaching life with a positive attitude ishealthier for you and those around you. Makea list of goals you can achieve during thisseparation and what steps you need to take toreach them. Set mini goals for every day, nextweek and next month. Completion of goalsgives you a sense of satisfaction and confi-dence to achieve more.

Learn to recognize when you are havingnegative thoughts, self-doubts or feelingoverwhelmed. Your body sends signals. Youmay have a hard time sleeping, eat too muchor too little, have a short attention span, arejumpy, grouchy or irritable. Pay attention toyour body’s signals and nip negativity before itimpacts you.

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Proven Stress Busters

Even if you’ve experienced deploymentbefore you may be uneasy about an IAdeployment. IA deployments are often longer,there is the element of fear and danger, andyou may feel isolated from friends who arenot sharing the same experiences. Expectstress and worry and plan for it.

Do something you enjoy. At leastonce per week – preferably daily – dosomething fun. It may be somethingas simple as reading a book orlistening to music.

Get involved. Work, go to churchservices, participate in organizedvolunteer opportunities, take classes,do more with your children.

Stay active. Exercise is the body’snatural stress reducer. Ride your bike,go to the gym, take the kids and dogfor a walk. Get moving!

Avoid using drugs, alcohol andnicotine. While they dull the percep-tion of stress, they don’t eliminate it.

Accept that you can’t controleverything. You can control yourreaction. Let your kids wear mis-matched outfits. So the house isn’tspotless. You have to renegotiate adeadline at work. You didn’t get anemail or letter today.

Laugh. Hang out with people who arefun. Watch comedies. Read the comicpages. Listen to and tell jokes.

Celebrate success. Focus on whatyou’re doing right. Everyone makesmistakes. Learn from them and moveon. Use positive self-talk.

Allow yourself to worry and feelsad. However, allow only fifteen tothirty minutes per day. Schedule worrytime if necessary. That way whennegative feelings creep up during theday you can say to yourself, “I’ll havetime to think about that later.”

Ask for help when you need it.Friends, family, colleagues care aboutyou. Everyone can use a hand at times.

Remember, it is normal to feel a certain amountof stress or worry whenever you face a newsituation. If your feelings prevent you frommanaging your day-to-day responsibilities gethelp. Contact your Fleet and Family SupportCenter, a chaplain, or Military One Source.

TOP TIPNurture yourself, your Sailor andyour family during deployment.

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10Ten Ways to Stay Busy During an IA Assignment

Do not put your life “on hold” until your Sailor returns. You may grow toresent your Sailor. Additionally, you’ll have more interesting conversationsand send more entertaining letters and emails if you are active and involvedduring your separation. Finally, time goes by faster when you’re busy.

1. Create a list – Before your Sailor even leaves create a list of things todo. If you have children include plans for them. Get your calendar outand schedule as many of these activities as you can.

2. Join a Family Readiness Group – Get involved with a FamilyReadiness Group. Join an Army, Air Force or Marine Corps sponsoredgroup if you don’t live near a Navy base. Start, or join a group of otherIA spouses. Find a virtual group on the Internet. This is a great way tomeet other military spouses, to feel “understood” and to be supportedduring your Sailor’s absence.

3. Work – If you already have a job, this is a great time focus on workingtoward career goals. If you do not have a job, but would like one, con-tact your local Fleet and Family Support Center in person, via the tele-phone or by Internet as they can help you assess your skills, create aresume, do a job search and prepare for interviews – all at no cost!

4. Volunteer – It can be easy to slip into self-pity and sadness when yourSailor is gone, but if you reach out to help others you will constantly bereminded of your good fortune. Assist battered spouses, deliver mealsto the elderly, deliver books to patients in the hospital, care for homelesskittens and puppies, or help disaster victims rebuild their lives.

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5. Be more involved at church – Contact your pastor and let themknow you’d like to be more involved. You can teach Sunday/vacationbible school, greet parishioners, staff the nursery, provide readingsduring the service, and participate in study groups. While you giveyou’ll also receive support.

6. Get fit – While your Sailor is deployed is the perfect time to get intothe best shape of your life. Work out everyday. Join a gym. Get apersonal trainer. Take aerobic, Pilates, yoga classes. Dazzle your Sailorupon their return!

7. Redecorate – Whether it’s an extreme makeover or simply paintingand rearranging furniture sprucing up your house or apartment canbe very satisfying. Watch home decorating channels. Wander throughhome furnishing departments. Review decorating books and maga-zines to create a home fit for a queen or king for you and your Sailor.

8. Travel – Visit family, a college room mate or your best friend fromschool.

9. Add to your education – Take a class or complete a degree. ManyNavy family members say it’s easier to study when their Sailor isdeployed.

10. Have fun – Try to do something you enjoy everyday as time flieswhen you’re having fun. It may be something as simple as chatting onthe phone with a friend, surfing the web, reading a book or taking awalk or something as elaborate as planning a trip or creating amasterpiece.

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Media and Navy Families

When your loved one is thousands of milesfrom home television news reports can seemlike a lifeline, but media reports can also be aburden as reports are not always accurate andcan cause you to worry. The most accurate newscomes from military sources. Contact yourcommand ombudsman any time you hear areport concerning your spouse’s unit to verify it.

It’s also a good idea to limit how much news youwatch and listen to. Very few “good news” storiesare aired. Hour after hour of listening to badnews drains anyone. Allow yourself to only watchfifteen to thirty minutes of news each day.Preferably watch major news channels that aremore likely to verify the information reported orinform you the information has not been verified.

If anything should happen to your loved oneyou will receive an in-person notice. That’s whyit is important to ensure the command and yourombudsman have your most up-to-date addressand telephone number.

Sometimes news reporters want to talk withfamily members of service members. You areentitled to talk with reporters if you would likeor to simply say “No thank you.”

TOP TIPIf you move, change your telephonenumber or email address make sureyour command ombudsman has yournew information.

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10Ten Tips for Dealing with the Media

1. Not all reporters are alike. Some try to get you to say something that youmight regret later.

2. Before answering questions, jot down the reporter’s name, telephonenumber, and the name of his or her news organization. Do this even ifyou’re going to decline to comment. It will discourage the reporter frompersisting after you say no.

3. Know who will hear you. Even family members might have informationuseful to opposing forces.

4. If you have been misquoted or misrepresented by the press, it is best to donothing about it unless it is a serious matter, in which case, contact thePublic Affairs Office (PAO) on base.

5. When you are enthusiastic about your spouse’s mission, your response canbuild morale and show American resolve.

6. Don’t speculate. It is best not to talk about anything of which you do nothave first-hand knowledge. There is nothing wrong with saying, “I don’tknow,” in response to questions.

7. If your spouse calls home with information about how the mission is goingor homecoming dates, keep it to yourself. Some of what your spouse tellsyou could be sensitive, wrong, or subject to change.

8. Understand that it is not harassment when the media calls you at home orstops you at the supermarket to ask for an interview. Only when theypersist, after having been told “No,” does it become harassment.

9. Should you become inundated with press/crank calls because your spouse’sname appears in the media, it’s advisable to have an answering machine.

10. When in doubt, call the base Public Affairs Officer for advice. Call the baseoperator to get the number for the base PAO.

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To enable you and your loved one to grow together emotionally even thoughyou are physically apart requires commitment and communication.

Keep Your Relationship Strong

Successful marriages don’t just happen – they require constant commitment.Military couples who have successful relationships offer the followingsuggestions for keeping your relationship strong:

Military life and marriage are voluntary choices. Couples whokeep this fact in mind are better able to deal with resentment that mayoccur when they feel they lack control of their circumstances.

A team approach. Successful couples embrace the military as theirchosen lifestyle, not just the job of the service member. They believesuccess requires active engagement of both partners.

Mutual respect and appreciation. The “jobs” of both the militarymember and the military spouse are difficult and challenging andsuccessful couples appreciate that and are committed to the success ofeach other.

A realistic perspective of military life. Successful couples see theirmilitary journey as one chapter of their life together – even for thosewho make the military a career. Successful couples accept the benefitsand challenges of military life and maintain a realistic perspective oftheir time as a military family.

A desire to be prepared. Successful military couples took marriagepreparation seriously from the beginning and continue to take advan-tage of marriage retreats, parenting programs, deployment briefingsand other programs to strengthen their relationship and prepare forchallenges together.

A network of friends. Support through individual and joint friendshelps provide support for the couple, particularly during deployments.Individual and joint friendships help provide support particularlyduring deployments.

Your Family

You can kiss your family andfriends good-bye and put

miles between you, but at thesame time you carry them

with you in your heart, yourmind, your stomach, becauseyou do not just live in a world

but a world lives in you.

– Frederick Buechner

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Trust in each other. Trust is essential to a successful relationship. It is nurtured whenyou are together and apart.

Frequent, honest communication. While frequent communication may be difficultduring an IA deployment, technological advances have made it easier. An importantaspect of communication is to understand the other person and attempt to conveythoughts and feelings in a way the other partner will hear and appreciate.

Children and Deployment

Don’t assume you child is aware and understands that a parent is deploying. Be sure to tell yourchild about the upcoming deployment. Reassure them that they will be cared for while mom ordad is away. Encourage them to ask any questions they might have.

Allow children to miss their parent and to feel sad about their absence. Encourage communica-tion with your child and allow them to express any feelings they may have. Children are oftenconfused, angry, worried and feel insecure. It is important for you to try to maintain your child’sdaily routine and be consistent in discipline.

Most Navy kids are resilient and will bounce back. If your child is struggling, don’t hesitate tocontact your child’s school counselor, the Fleet and Family Support Center, a chaplain or MilitaryOne Source for assistance.

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Age

Infants& Toddlers

Preschoolers

School-age

Teens

Ways to Help

Have your spouse record video/audio taped stories.

Post pictures of deployed parent.

Provide extra hugs and cuddles.

Maintain routine.

Take care of yourself to be better able to care for children.

What to Expect

They may seem fussier, clingy, mayeat less and have trouble sleeping.

May feel their behavior causedtheir parent to leave.

May become more fearful/irritable.

May regress in potty training/thumb sucking/etc.

May have trouble sleeping.

Have your spouse record video/audio taped stories.

Create a waterproof photo album or picture book ofdeployed parent and child doing things together.

Provide extra hugs and cuddles.

Maintain routine.

Allow child to sleep in your bed if you’re comfortable withthat. Be sure to move them back to their own bed a fewweeks before their parent’s return.

May see a decline in schoolperformance.

More irritable or moody.

May worry about deployed parent’ssafety.

Have family discussion before deployment.

Involve teachers, church, neighbors. Enroll inBig Brother/Sister Program.

Schedule fun activities.

Encourage deployed parent to communicateregularly.

Reassure about safety training/drills/equipment.

Encourage child and deployed parent to play games viaemail/regular mail.

Help child compile care packages to send todeployed parent.

Limit viewing of TV news about the war.

Assist your child to send care packages, letters and cardsto their parent and others serving.

May be ambivalent.

May be moody/withdrawn.

May test rules.

Don’t make teen responsible for deployed parent’s role.

Maintain rules, curfew, discipline.

Encourage deployed parent to communicate regularly.

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Stay Connected

Communication can be challenging during anIA deployment because your Sailor may notbe near telephones or computers. Mail servicecan take weeks at times. Don’t let that deteryou. Any Sailor will tell you there is not abetter day brightener than hearing from lovedones back home.

No news is often good news. It means yourSailor is hard at work. However, if more thana month or so goes by with no mail, emails ortelephone calls you can contact the AmericanRed Cross at www.arc.org and request a“health and welfare” message be sent to yourloved one.

Know that if your loved one is ever injured ormissing from duty, the Navy will contact youin person to inform you of their status.

Email

Quick and easy, email is great for staying intouch. Discuss email expectations prior todeploying:

Will email be readily available?

If so, how often will you send emails?

What address do you use?

Email is not a great way to communicatewhen you’re angry or upset. If you really havea need to get your feelings off your chest, goahead and write the email, but save it for 24hours and reread before you send. It’s usuallybest to communicate strong feelings over the

phone when you can’t do it in person. Also,remember, emails are not confidential. Theymay be seen by others. Be careful what youwrite.

Letters

Letters, while taking longer to receive, are amore personal way to communicate. Manycouples save their “love letters” from adeployment. Not many save emails. It’s agood idea to number letters as they don’talways arrive in the order they are written.

Ensure you have your Sailor’s full mailingaddress. Create a “mail kit” with cards,wonderful stationary, pens, sticker, stamps,etc. to make letter writing easy and enjoyable.

Letters don’t have to be long. Don’t worryabout grammar or spelling. Write letters aboutyour daily existence, your plans for the future,and your thoughts and feelings to helpmaintain your emotional connection andmake it easier to reunite at homecoming.

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Telephone Calls

Telephone calls can bring the greatest emo-tional highs as well as lows. It’s wonderful tohear your loved ones voice and talk in thehere and now, but sadness can briefly over-whelm you when you hang up and realize howmuch you miss your loved one. Make themost of your telephone conversations:

Keep a written list of things you wantto talk about.

Try to stay positive and upbeat. Atleast try to end each call on a positivenote.

Talk about your daily activities tomake it easier to reconnect at home-coming.

Suggest to older children that theykeep a list of things to tell theirparent when they call.

If you share bad news make suresomeone is available to provideemotional support to your loved one.

Talk about plans for homecomingand future activities.

Discuss problems and solutions, butdon’t spend the entire call talkingabout them.

Tell your loved one you love themand appreciate their sacrifices.

Pictures, Video Recordingsand Video Teleconferencing

While letters and emails are nice, there isnothing better than seeing your Sailor. If yourloved one has access to a DVD player makerecordings of life at home and ask them to dothe same for you. Realize that privacy is at apremium so be discreet when sending videosand pictures.

Send pictures of yourself, family members,any new items you purchase or the newfurniture arrangement. If you have childrenor are an expectant parent pictures are evenmore important as children grow and changequickly.

If you have the opportunity to do videoteleconferencing with your Sailor it might behelpful to jot down a few items you’d like totalk about, have the children sing a song or doa family skit. It’s not so much what you say,but the fact that you cared to get dressed upand put effort into brightening your lovedone’s day that will be remembered.

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Care Packages

Who doesn’t like to receive a present in the mail? Care packages are presents from home. Whilemost items Sailors need are provided to them, items that make their life more comfortable are not.Encourage moms, grandmothers, church groups, and friends to send care packages to your Sailor asthey may welcome the opportunity to show support. Remind people there are some things thatshouldn’t be sent. Grandma’s chocolate chip cookies may be the best in the world, but when theytravel 9,000 miles, through the desert during a month- long journey, they might not be as flavorful.

Frequently requested carepackage items include:

CDs

Hand sanitizers

Sunglasses

Telephone calling cards

Shampoo

Sunscreen

Bug repellent

Tooth paste/mouth wash

Gum

Books/reading material

Underwear/t-shirts

Packaged candy/cookies

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OPSEC

Operation Security or OPSEC is keepingpotential adversaries from discoveringsensitive Department of Defenseinformation. As the name suggests, itprotects US operations - planned, in progressand those completed. Success depends onsecrecy and surprise, so the military canaccomplish the mission more quickly and withless risk. Enemies of freedom want thisinformation, and they see Sailors and theirfamilies as potential information sources.

Types of sensitive information:

Unit mission or the number ofpersonnel assigned.

Locations and times of deployments.

Unit morale or personnel problems.

Security procedures.

Troop movement.

Military intentions, capabilities oroperations.

Don’t:

Talk about sensitive information inpublic settings such as the club,commissary, Navy Exchange or in thecommunity.

Talk about sensitive information overthe telephone.

Post pictures or information on websites or blogs.

Include sensitive information inemails or attachments.

Write about sensitive information innewsletters.

Neglect to shred excess paperinvolving information on operations.

Try to talk around classifiedinformation – it is extremely difficultto outsmart experienced intelligenceanalysts.

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Combat andOperational Stress

Your Sailor may sound different when he/shecalls home or while home on R&R leave dueto stress. Feeling stress in a war zone is, as oneNavy psychiatrist said, “a normal reaction by anormal person to an abnormal, horrificsituation.” The stress helps your loved onebrace for danger. Your Sailor can sometimeswitness an event so severe or experience athreat so prolonged that their body maycontinue to maintain in that state of high alertlong afterwards, when their body and mindneed to rest.

Stress from a single event, from a series ofevents, or from a continuous stressful situa-tion can cause a wide range of reactions,including:

Brief combat stress reactions, whichcan range from exhaustion to halluci-nations.

Behavior changes, which can rangefrom recklessness to brutality.

Post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD), which includes persistent re-experiencing of the events, avoidanceof reminders, and hyper-arousal.

The signs that someone is suffering fromcombat stress can be physical, mental, emo-tional, or behavioral. Just having certainsymptoms does not mean necessarily yourSailor needs help. Some of these signs can bea normal reaction. This normal reaction canlast from a few days to a few weeks.

Here are some of the possible signs of acombat reaction. (The first two items in eachlist are generally earlier warning signs.)

Physical signs

Exhaustion.

Inability to fall asleep or stay asleep.

Sweating, heart pounding.

Nausea, frequent urination, ordiarrhea.

Jitters, trembling, or jumpiness.

Numbness, tingling, or total loss offunction of limbs or other bodyparts.

Mental signs

Difficulty concentrating, confusion.

Inability to make decisions, toprocess information.

Nightmares.

Memory loss.

Flashbacks, reliving the trauma.

Loss of a sense of what is real.

Hallucinations or delusions (nottaken care of by adequate sleep).

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Emotional signs

Fear, worry, extreme nervousness.

Irritability, anger.

Mood swings.

Despair and sadness.

Feelings of isolation.

Behavioral signs

Carelessness or recklessness.

Outbursts of anger or aggressiveness.

Staring into space, sometimes calledthe “thousand-yard stare”.

Inability to do their job.

Increased use of alcohol or drugs.

Misconduct or crime.

Complete unresponsiveness toothers.

Encourage your loved one to get help if theyexperience these reactions. There is no shameto seeking help in dealing with combat andoperational stress. Suggest you Sailor talk to adoctor, corpsman or chaplain while deployed.If at home, they can also contact:

A counselor at your Fleet and FamilySupport Center at www.ffsp.navy.mil.

A chaplain.

Military One Source athttp://www.militaryonesource.com.

The Veterans Administration at800-827-1000 or www.va.gov.

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It is possible you will have questions, concernsor a family emergency at some point during thedeployment. There are some things you can doto prepare for an emergency such as:

Have money saved for emergencies.

Considered having your Sailor sign apre-authorization form with NavyMarine Corps Relief Society in caseof financial emergency.

Make sure your extended familymembers know your Sailor’s rate/rank, command name and mailingaddress.

Have a disaster preparedness planand a place to meet/call after adisaster such as a hurricane orearthquake.

Make sure you have a supportsystem – people you can turn to forassistance.

The Navy knows that you may need assistancefrom time to time and has created a plethoraof services available to assist you duringdeployment or anytime.

Help When You Need It

American Red Cross

http://www.redcross.org

When you think of emergencies – big orsmall – you think of the American Red Cross.The Red Cross serves both civilian andmilitary personnel. It sends communicationson behalf of family members who are facingemergencies or other important events tomembers of the U.S. Armed Forces servingall over the world. These communications aredelivered around-the-clock, seven days a week,365 days per year.

When a Sailor is deployed it is possible thatbad news will need to be relayed to them.When you need to tell your Sailor significantbad news such as an illness or a death of afamily member it is important to use officialchannels such as the American Red Cross orthe command ombudsman.

Do not send emergency information via emailor letter as most commands want families touse the American Red Cross for two reasons:

1. The American Red Cross staffverifies information to allow com-mands to make informed decisionsabout emergency leave.

2. A Command Chaplain, CommandingOfficer, Executive Officer or Com-mand Master Chief provides theinformation to the Sailor and ensuressupport is available.

It is one of the beautifulcompensations of life thatno man can sincerely tryto help another without

helping himself.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

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For any Red Cross message to be sent thefollowing information is needed:

The service members’ name.

Rank.

Social security number.

Duty station.

For an illness in the immediate family:

Name.

Illness.

Relationship.

Whether or not the person who is illwants the service member notified.

For a death in the immediate family:

Name of the deceased.

Relationship.

When and how death occurred.

Is the sponsor’s presence required orrequested?

For birth announcements:

Mother must personally notify.

In addition to providing services to activeduty personnel and their families, the RedCross also serves members of the NationalGuard, the Reserves, and their families whoreside in nearly every community in America.

Through offices all over the world, the RedCross, in partnership with Navy Marine CorpsRelief Society (NMCRS), provides emergencyfinancial assistance to those eligible whentraveling and not near a military installation,after hours, or on days when NMCRS is notavailable.

Chaplain

Chaplains play a vital role in helping theirfellow sea-service personnel and familymembers during crucial moments in their lives.They are available 24/7 to provide spiritualguidance and help you “sort through” a varietyof issues or concerns. For example, theyprovide moral support for young people awayfrom home for the first time or deployed, offersupport to individuals facing personal oremotional difficulties, and provide spiritualassistance to people from all walks of life.

Individuals often contact chaplains when theydon’t know where to turn for assistance. Theavailability and experience of chaplains enablesthem to be excellent resource persons. Chap-lains live and work with the men and women inuniform. As an insider within the militarysystem, their unique role allows them to:

Make personal visit with militarypersonnel and family members asneeded.

Provide information about variousconcerns and issues.

Provide emotional and spiritualsupport throughout the deploymentcycle, at home and in theatre.

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Educate commands about theconcerns and needs of IAs and theirfamilies.

Many chaplains are trained counselors andthey understand the military system. They willbe able to refer you to military and localcommunity resources that can help. Inaddition, chaplains can help individuals findlocal clergy and places of worship.

Some commands have assigned chaplains. Ifyour command doesn’t have an assignedchaplain, contact the nearest military base andask for the duty chaplain.

Command FamilyReadiness Group

A Family Readiness Group (FRG) is a groupof spouses sponsored by a command thatcoordinates fun and information activitiesfor members. In addition to spouses, somegroups may also include parents, children,and fiancé(e)s as determined by thecommanding officer.

Command Family Readiness Groups arecalled by a number of names:

Family Support Group.

Family Support Club.

Friends and Family Support Group.

Command Family Association.

Spouse Group.

Family Readiness Groups may help:

Prepare for deployments andhomecoming.

Provide family support duringdeployments or mobilization.

Help families adjust to challengesand to assist one another in timesof personal, unit, or area crises.

Some installations have created IA familysupport groups where you can meet otherfamily members experiencing similar assign-ments.

Getting involved with a Family ReadinessGroup is a great way to get to know otherfamilies, to learn more about the Navy and tosupport your Sailor. To learn about groupscontact your command ombudsman.

Command Ombudsman

Ombudsmen are volunteers, appointed by thecommanding officer, to serve as an informa-tion link between command leadership andNavy families. They are not professionalcounselors, but they are trained to listen toyour questions or problems and to refer youto professionals who can help.

Most ombudsmen publish a newsletterpacked with information. Some also have acareline which is a recorded message that isregularly updated with news about yourcommand, Family Readiness Group activities,and local military and community information.

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Consider your command ombudsman firstwhen you have a question or concern. Theycan prevent frustration by pointing you in theright direction to get the information or helpyou need.

To locate your ombudsman is contact yourlocal Fleet and Family Support Center. Youcan get their number by going towww.ffsp.navy.mil.

Expeditionary CombatReadiness Center (ECRC)

The ECRC was set up to help Sailors andfamilies experiencing an IA assignment. TheECRC:

Provides training on services availablefor family.

Sends welcome aboard package.

Provides updates to commands andombudsmen as to Sailor and familymember status and/or locationduring mobilization.

Is primary stateside POC for alltheater related family issues.

Provides conduit for communicationswith NAVCENT for family issues.

Moderates Navy Knowledge Online“Family Community of Practice” site.

Notifies region/parent commandwhen Sailor returns.

To contact the ECRC use their toll freenumber (877) 364-4302 or visitwww.ecrc@navy.mil.

Fleet and FamilySupport Center

www.ffsp.navy.mil

Fleet and Family Support Centers (FFSC)are staffed with professional educators andcounselors who can provide a wealth ofinformation and services that fall into threecategories:

1. Information and referral.

2. Education and training.

3. Counseling.

Types of questions the FFSC can help withinclude:

Where can I get help to find a job?

How can I help my child deal withtheir mom/dad’s deployment?

Where can I get information aboutbudgeting, car buying, or saving andinvesting?

Who is my command ombudsmanand what is their telephone number?

How do I locate an IA familydiscussion group?

Where can I get information aboutmoving to our new duty station?

We’re having marital problems, wherecan we get counseling?

I’m feeling overwhelmed with thisdeployment, who can I talk to?

I need help managing stress, wherecan I go?

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We’re expecting our first baby, wherecan we get information about beingparents?

Where can we get a speaker for thenext Family Readiness GroupMeeting?

Military One Source

http://www.militaryonesource.com

Military One Source is a web site sponsoredby the Department of Defense to provideinformation and resources to Sailors and theirfamilies. You must register to access somefeatures.

Military One Source provides articles, linksand CDs you can order for free on a varietyof topics including:

Financial.

Midlife and retirement.

Addictions and recovery.

Work.

Health.

Parenting and child care.

Relocation.

Personal and family readiness.

Military One Source has several useful features:

The web site is available 24/7.

Telephone numbers are available 24/7for individuals to call and talk with aconsultant.

The staff will research a topic andsend results.

Referrals for private counselingsessions and legal consultations arealso available.

Simultaneous translation in more than150 languages is available.

To talk to a Military One Source consultant:

Stateside: 800-342-9647Collect from Overseas: 800-3429-6477(use applicable access codes, 122-001-010 forJapan, S-KT, Singapore and Thailand, 001 forKorea, S-Darcom and 00 for all others.)Collect from Overseas: 1 484-530-5908.En español llame al: 1-877-888-0727TTY/TDD: 1-866-607-6794

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Navy Marine CorpsRelief Society

http://www.nmcrs.org/services.html

Navy Marine Corps Relief Society (NMCRS)is a non-profit organization staffed primarilyby volunteers. Services provided include:

Interest-free loans or grants to deal withemergency needs such as:

Transportation.

Funeral expenses.

Medical/dental bills (patient's share).

Food, rent, and utilities includingdeposits.

Disaster relief assistance.

Child care expenses.

Pay problems or delays.

Essential vehicle repairs.

Unforeseen family emergencies.

Loans are made to service members. Whenthe service member is deployed a message issent asking permission to give a loan. Whenthe service member can afford to repay,financial assistance is provided as an interest-free loan. It is normally repaid by allotment.If repayment would cause a hardship, assis-tance may be provided as a grant and not haveto be repaid.

Layettes with over $100 worth of baby itemsare also available. Check with your localNMCRS to see if there are income require-ments or if recipients are asked to participatein a Budgeting for Baby workshop.

Thrift shops are available at many installations.They re-sell usable clothing, furniture, house-hold goods, and uniforms at very low costs.

Visiting nurse services are available at somelocal offices to check on a newborn, changebandages, or provide other medical advice andassistance to the homebound.

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Personnel SupportDetachment

http://www.psasd.navy.mil.

The Navy’s Personnel Support Activity (PSA)is the agency that provides administrative,personnel, pay and transportation supportincluding:

Defense Eligibility EnrollmentSystem (DEERS) support.

Family and service member identifi-cation cards.

Transportation services.

Travel claim processing.

Transition processing.

Each installation has a local PersonnelSupport Detachment to locate yours contactthe above web site.

TRICAREwww.tricare.osd.mil

TRICARE is the health care program forSailors and their families. Reservists andNational Guardsmen are also eligible forTRICARE coverage when they are on activeduty, pre and post mobilization.

The four most common TRICAREprograms are:

TRICARE Prime.

TRICARE Extra.

TRICARE Standard (formerly calledCHAMPUS).

TRICARE Reserve Select.

TRICARE provides a dental benefit, apharmacy program, and TRICARE for Lifefor most Medicare-eligible uniformed serviceretirees. There is also a Program for Personswith Disabilities (PFPWD) that can help withsome of the costs associated with specializedmedical equipment and services. In addition,mental health services are available.

Each TRICARE program has its own eligibil-ity and enrollment requirements. Individualsmust be registered in the Defense EnrollmentEligibility Reporting System (DEERS) to beeligible for any TRICARE benefits. Enroll-ment for TRICARE coverage is subject tolocation, eligibility category, and the specificprogram requirements. Costs and enrollmentfees also differ by program.

Health benefits advisors are available at localTRICARE Service Centers (TSC) or militarytreatment facilitys (MTF) to help with ques-tions regarding health care services or go tothe above web site.

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One of the best aspects of Navy life is Navyhomecomings. Absence really can make theheart grow fonder! Homecomings are differ-ent after an IA assignment. Rather thanreturning with a squadron or ship, IA Sailorsgenerally come back by themselves, often tolittle fanfare. Some Sailors say this is a bit of alet down, and others are happy not to have todeal with the hoopla. You’ll need to get asense from your Sailor what their individualpreferences are for celebrating homecoming.

Expectations

Reunion is an exciting time however; whatyou plan and the realism of what actuallyoccurs can sometimes be very different. Onceyour Sailor is back in the states, there is asignificant demobilization process includingturning in gear, a physical exam, mental healthscreening and check in with various basedepartments. Your Sailor will usually receive aperiod of leave before returning to full duty.Like all separation reunions, you will encoun-ter a period of reintegration where roles andrelationships are reshaped.

Homecoming

Returning home after being in a war zone is aprocess not a single event. Your Sailor mayhave difficulty adjusting to life after war. Yourlife will not be exactly as it was before yourSailor’s deployment as you both have haddifferent experiences.

Your Sailor spent months in a “hyped-up”emotional state while in a war zone. They maybe uncomfortable in large crowds and easilystartled by loud noises. They may have troubletrusting anyone. If they witness the deaths ofothers during their IA assignment they mayset up an emotional firewall and keep lovedones’ at a distance as a way of protectingthemselves from the pain of possibly losing aloved one.

They may not be willing to talk about theirexperiences while deployed. Don’t pry and trynot to be shocked by anything your Sailor maytell you. Let them know you’ll be there forthem.

They may have difficulty sleeping. They mayhave nightmares or flashbacks. They maydrink or self-medicate to avoid feelings or

A great marriage is notwhen the 'perfect couple'

comes together. It is when animperfect couple learns to

enjoy their differences.

– Dave Meurer

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43

thoughts associated with their IA tour. It maytake weeks or months for some of thesebehaviors to occur.

As a family member you may be the first tobecome aware that your Sailor is experiencingsymptoms of post traumatic stress. Posttraumatic stress is a reaction to the extremestress people encounter during threats ofdanger to themselves or others or the fear ofdeath.

Symptoms may include:

Depression.

Loss of interest in work/activities.

Isolation.

Anger.

Sleep problems.

Survivor guilt.

Hyper alertness.

Emotional distance from family.

High risk behaviors.

A negative self-image.

Emotional numbing.

Distrust of authority.

Suicidal thoughts.

If you’d like to learn more about what toexpect if your Sailor is returning from acombat zone, two helpful, inexpensive andeasy to read books are:

1. Down Range To Iraq and Back byBridget C. Cantrell, PH.D and ChuckDean.

2. Courage After Fire by KeithArmstrong, LCSW, Suzanne Best,PH.D and Paula Domenici, PH.D.

Both books offer practical advice to servicemembers and their families, are inexpensiveand available from popular books sellers suchas Amazon and Barnes and Nobel.

Contact a chaplain, Fleet and Family SupportCenter, Military One Source or the VeteransAdministration for more information or toget assistance for you and your Sailor.

Tips for a SuccessfulHomecoming

Be realistic. All of your homecomingfantasies may not occur.

Communicate. Talk about yourthoughts and feelings.

Re-evaluate your financial goals.

Be slow to criticize.

Show appreciation for those whohave supported you through thisdeployment.

Talk with other IAs and their familiesas you are not the only one readjust-ing to homecoming.

Get help if the challenges of return-ing home get worse instead of better.

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Children and Reunion

Reunion is a time of excitement, joy andreadjustment. Younger children take their cuesabout homecoming from you, their caretaker.Older children may have similar feelings asyou do. They will be excited, joyous and mayfeel anxious if they believe they did not liveup to their deployed parent’s expectations.

Often the parent who has been at home isreluctant to share the responsibility ofparenting. It is important for children to seeboth parents in the caretaking role. It alsoallows the parent returning from a war zoneto experience the innocence, intimacy and joythat caring for their children can provide.

Just as parents need time to reestablishrelationships, so do children. It’s best for thereturning parent to initially not make drasticchanges to their children’s routine, rules andresponsibilities. Children will likely go to theparent who has remained at home with themfor the first few days upon their deployedparent’s return for permission, questions andassistance.

TOP TIPAt homecoming – talk, play,listen and enjoy being afamily again.

If possible, plan a few days and have a familyvacation at home. Do fun activities as a family.Limit house cleaning and chores to theessentials. Talk, play, listen and enjoy being afamily again.

Duty nights can be challenging after anextended deployment as young children mayworry that their parent has again left. Olderchildren are usually delighted that their familyis reunited even though they may, at times,resent the discipline enforced by having twoparents at home.

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American Red Crosshttp://www.redcross.org

Local ______________________________

Base Operator

Local ______________________________

Chaplain

Local ______________________________

Command FamilyReadiness Group

Local ______________________________

Command Ombudsman

Local ______________________________

Command Careline

Local ______________________________

Military One Sourcehttp://www.militaryonesource.com

Local ______________________________

Fleet and Family Support Centerwww.ffsp.navy.mil

Local ______________________________

Navy Marine CorpsRelief Societyhttp://www.nmcrs.org/services.html

Local ______________________________

Personnel SupportDetachmenthttp://www.psasd.navy.mil

Local ______________________________

TRICAREhttp://www.tricare.mil/

Local ______________________________

Department of Veterans AffairsNational Center for PostTraumatic Stress Disorderhttp://ncptsd.kattare.com/ncmain/index.jsp

Local ______________________________

Service Members Address

__________________________________

__________________________________

Resources

Provided by Commander Navy Installations Command 12/06