I wasn’t ready to say

goodbyeThe negative and tragic impact of using violence

Why am I Here?In 2008, my fiancée was brutally murdered right in front of me as a direct result of alcohol abuse and fighting in youth

Before MartynI used to lye in my bed, and imagine my life. I thought about every last detail of my fairytale life.........I thought about you

The Moment We MetI can’t explain our

relationship, It was dramatic and passionate and amazing, people on the outside looking in never understood, but it didn’t matter. The intensity of our love was scary, the pace at which it happened—even scarier! Looking back now, I know it was because it would be over before I knew it.

The Way it Was

How Much do You Love Your Girlfriend????

A Little Bit About Our LifeMartyn and I built a life together,

we had our routines, breakfast, cleaning the bathroom, walking the dog’s….it was life. It wasn’t exceptional, or glamorous…but it was WONDERFUL. We always seemed to find adventure in our relationship, what other’s might have called “disasters “ are moments I now treasure as the happiest I can remember being.

The Worst Moment Of My Life Martyn died of blunt force trauma in the Health and science centre in Winnipeg MB that morning as the result of being attacked by 5 teenagers. The last time I held Martyn’s hand he had no idea, there was no good bye, no breakup and he was gone forever.

Pure and Ultimate Devastation

So What Happens Now?5 years from now....when your out of school, and your working

and living your lives..you will hear teens on the train or the bus heading to work..or the hockey game ..talking about some big fight, or some crazy girl you wana beat up..or that 6 pack of beer you chugged and then punched your best friend.....it will make you really sad...and really make you take a long hard look at why any of that stuff even matters..Because when school is over, you will realize how little an impact on your life being cool really had, and you will be even more amazed how you can barely remember any fight that happened in school, or the name of that girl or guy you hated for dating the person you liked and wanted to stomp their face in. So I would ask you all....why ruin your life over someone you won’t remember? Live your lives to the fullest, and enjoy your favourite moments, live each day striving to be better then the day before. I have learnt that through years of sadness, I am the only person who has the power for my own life. I had the choice to be BITTER and I had the choice to be BETTER. You, do to.

A Poem For Martyn• what hurts the most about you being gone, is knowing that for the rest of my life ill never get

to say I love you one last time...ill never be able to hug you, or stand on the tips of my toes just enough to give you 3 kisses...ill never get to pull the shower curtain open on you just to get a peek, ill never get to see your dark brown eyes watching me as I walk into the living room, ill never get to hear you say how you love me the most when I have no makeup on and need to brush my hair. Ill never get to snuggle my head against your chest and pull at your one chest hair, ill never get to make fun of you for wearing my pink socks to work by accident because you got dressed with the lights off...ill never get to see you bring me coffee in bed, ill never get to see your special smile you had when you were so proud of me and ill never get my butt slapped in Safeway for no reason.ill never get to hear your heart beat as I'm falling asleep and ill never have your legs wrapped around mine so tight I cant feel them when I wake up. ill never get see your eyes light up when you found the "best freaking butter tarts ever" and ill never get to eat the last bite you always saved for me.ill never get to hear you call me a loser because I cant sing the pizza song right, and ill never get to kiss the top of your belly button, not even once moreill never get to watch you finish school, ill never get one last hair pulled away from cheek..ill never get to see your hands laced perfectly through mine, and ill never get the baby we always wanted..ill never get your pouty face when things don't go your way, and ill never get the bottom of my feet tickled quite the same wayill never get to show you my wedding dress, and ill never have that first dance...I never even got to say yes ill marry you just a ring waiting to be picked up 2 days to late...ill never get to enjoy my life with you..now it is just 2 lives..cut shortill never be the same without you, ill never find happiness in days that should be my happiest..always thinking those days should have happened with you

I Miss You