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lg out of Main Library, I saw it rising from the the epithet "Mysterious Oracle." depths of the fountain-a frail, plum-coloured apparition the 'Glad you could make it." He extended aiTnnf9 amQ1l Qhn+lanJ ,-,,-,,-,x, T t annmnrl at Gwnt 1;Ln thn mhrmt ah~daslsatdown.introducinehimse'fRn

rmoreover lacked the requisite red jacket. It beckoned to me puzzled by all this secrecy, these- special porridge that sternlv. with that deadness nc?cnlinr tn mrnses, insurance effects and words of doom." was blessed by the

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orchestrated this whole evil dan. and what 'Youmean.--?" lnd time. hid ~~~~~~~~ to hoar just who has University:

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I was not entirely sur- failed to see Kurt Preinsperg standing it is, and why you have been chosen to I ~~ ~

prisedbytheevents whichfollowed, nearby. counter it?' this being a dark October night at W h o , me?" I asked. I did.

\ nine pm (the witching hour, It nodded. " S o r r y , but that's classified infoma- Toronto time). After all, stranger At this point, all kinds of thoughts were tion, son. You're only an undergraduate things happened each day in su- racing through my head. The Chosen One? which means squat in t;he grand scheme of permarket tabloids. The phantom Chosen for what? And by whom? But in- things. But let me tell you this much: your (forphantomitwas)provedunable stead I asked the most relevant question. university is in grave danger from a dark

"What's in it for me?" force which is, even as I speak, making the th digits blurred across the final preparations to conquer it." keyboard. "Your university "I've heard that part already." is threatened tonight with "And have you heard his foul plans? destruction by a dark force. Raising the rates at B-I& to $5.00 an hour. First your school, and then Turning Buchanan Tower into a luxury the very fabric of your real- highrise. And having a.nother referendum

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Part-time counsellors hired at WSO by Sharon Lindoms

The Women Students’ Office hired three permanent part-time counsellors last week. The move is a change from last year, when there was only one part-time and three full-time positions.

The women who were hired had been previously working in temporary positions in the office. Their backgrounds are in women’s studies, social work and counsel- ling.

Marsha new, the WSO di- rector, is pleased with the ap- pointments. She saidthat the part- time positions provide more flex- ibility to meet the WSO’s dual

mandate of counselling and advo- cacy. More counsellors would fit more resource needs.

“From the ofice’s point of view, this works well. They provide richexpertise anddiversity,”Trew said.

“It works beautifully. They were already working here and they wanted part-time positions, so we tried to accomodate them as best as possible.

“Some women want part-time work. If we had advertised for only full-time employees, we would have lost some good people,” Trew said.

The WSO currently has fund- ing for 3.6 full-time positions.

There are now five part-time (in- cluding the three just hired) and one full-time counsellor.

Nancy Horsman, a recently retired counsellor from the WSO (she had worked there for 18 years), said that the part-time positions eliminated all but one full-time ~~taff appointment in the Ofice.

“The hiring of part-time workers is in line with director Marsha Trew‘s firm belief that contract work serves the best in- terests of %he university. This hir- ing policy,, however, ensures that the director has complete author- ity over workers; that employees can be hired or fired at any time;

that the Wlce can be collapsed at that administration’s whim.

“More significantly, the policy ojf hiring part-time workers, or contracting out the work of the Office, obviates any responsibility of the University administration for pensions and other benefits accruing to permanent appoint- ments,” said Horsman.

Margaretha Hoek, formerly a coun3ellor in the WSO and now employed by the Sexual Harrassment Policy Office, feels differently about the appoint- ments.

“Now that the office can pre- dict its staffing for half a year or so, the WSO should be given the

opportunity to set its course and to work at the two mandates,” Hoek said.

“The WSO has an incredibly important role with campus safety issues and the climate for women. They are uniquely situated to provide the services which are actively as important as indi- vidual counselling. They are an investment, and in the long run will reduce some ofthe counse:lling needs,” Hoek said.

Horsman said, “Once again, women are undermined; once again women are manipulrated into auxiliary, adjunct positions within the male administration.”’

Manning says structural change necessary I

Ottawa or bust. MA CHlANElN PHOTO

” . b

”

Society surveys UBC student knowledge of the Arab World by Tanya Paz

The new AMs Arab Student Society has surveyed 50 UBC stu- dents, to test their knowledge of the Arab World. The club is con- cerned about how Arabs are per- ceived.

It was Hanadi Loubani’s idea to do a survey. “The purpose was to inform Arabs as well as Cana- dians. We want to help other Arabs [such a s 3 new students with language barriers but mainly our purpose is education.”

After the results of the survey had been tabulated, the club held their first general meeting on Oc- tober 17. “The survey gave us an idea as to what is needed. We wantedto see what people thought in general; there is so much mis- information about the Arab World,” Loubani said.

Asked to list ten of the 21 Arab countries, sevenpercentanswered correctly and roughly 78 per cent listed Iran incorrectly. 62 per cent correctly named three pertinent Arab personalities. The most popular answers were Saddam Hussein, Yassar Arafat, and Momar Qadafi. Of the 16 per cent who included wrong answers, Khoumeni, Rushdie, and Gandhi were mentioned.

Most of the students surveyed knew that the majority of Arabs are Muslims, but did not know that there are Christian and Jew- ish Arabs. Lina Nahhas, a Pales- tinian from the United Arab Emirates, defined Arab as: “A person whose mother tongue is Arabic and who is born in an area of the Arab .world. They share a common history and goals.”

Various images came to stu- dents’ minds when hearing the word Arab. Ninety-five per cent had images of war such as “burn- ing oil fields, violent, hi-jacking, anti-West, extremists, Gulf war, and political instability”. An even higher number, 99 per cent, had an image “we like to call Arabian Nights”, Loubani said. Images listed were camels, desert, har- ems, sand, and sheiks.

The club said that the images of Arab women were also misin- formed. Seventy-three per cent listed “oppressed, suppressed, ex- ploited, no political power, no choice, and restricted”. Images of “harems, veils, black clothing, belly-dancer, and jewelery” were listed by 57 per cent of those sur- veyed.

Loubani said, “A lot of people would think that we came up with our feminist ideas in the West-

that prior to coming we had no idea about equality and pride in ourselves. We were feminists be- fore we came here; we are third world feminists in touch with our base. Being able to wear shorts does not mean I’m free. [I’m more interested in] access to political power rather than access to fash- ion.”

When the topic of Jews came up,LoubaniandNahhassaidthat they did not want to turn the in- terview into a discussion on the Palestinian problem. “We are Semites as well,” Nahhas said. “[The medlia] make it look like we are Jew-haterdescendents of Hitler’s. We were second on his list,” Loubani added.

On Thursday, October 31st, the Arab Studlent Society had its first workshop, titled Images of the Arab World. Loubani said, “Our main goal is to educate ourselves and educating others.” Nahhas said, “this is not exclusive to Ar- abs, nor is it to non-Arabs. It is open for everyone. Ik’s a learning experience for us, too. Not just a socializing society.”

The society plans to have workshops every other Thursday and perhaps an Arab week for next semester.

Protestors question Reform leader on party’s policies Iby Rlok Hlebert

Preston Manning, the leader of the Reform Party of Canada, came to UBC to speak Tuesday to inspire students Yo pursue fun- damental changes in Canada’s political system” but some stu- dents took objection to what they say Manning‘s party stands for.

M[anning, who is currently on a cro,ss-country speaking tour concentrating on English Cana- dian u.niversities, came to UBC to explain the three basic areas on which his party wants to work: constitutional change, reform of Parliament and restructuring government finances.

He opened his seeech with the tradit‘ional politician’s line that he was “very glad to be at UBC.” However, perhaps he felt like cl~anging his mind after the speech, as members of the Coali- tion Against the Reform Party (CARI?) were there to grill him with hugh questions on abortion, race relations, government spending and his party‘s ideas on immigration.

Before the speech they held a demonstration, chanting “Racist, sexist, anti-gay, Preston Manning, go away.”

During the question and an- swer session, one CARP member, citing Reform policy in favour of “preserving the traditions d the RCMF’, argued that the party was being racist against Orthodox Sikhs, who wear turbans. One Mountie, in Quesnel, wears a tur- ban with his uniform.

Ybu hide a great deal of rac- ism be hind your support of restor- ing thie traditions of the RCMP, imclucting the uniform,” he said.

Manning replied that the party‘s stance the RCMP uniform rested on the idea of ”if you can’t c:hangc the uniform to satisfy ev- eryone, it shouldn’t be changed at all .... If someone said that evan- gelical Christians should be al- lowed 10 wear belt buckles on their uniforms in the form of large crossefl, it would cause just as much concern to US.”

Another CARP member chal- lenged Manning on the abortion issue, saying that “the Reform party :is preparing, by allowing the possibility of a referendum on it, toreopen the abortion de bate... a debate already decided by the Su- preme Court’s decision to allow women. the right to choose.”

Manning said the Reformers didn’t “have a party pro-life posi- tion or1 the abortion issue” and that M:Ps should intensely poll theirccmtituents on moral issues like abortion and vote according

to any consensus there found. In his speech Manning said

the malaise in the West about federalism was a wide-spread thing.

We%e beginning to suspect thatthisfeelingofbeingleftoutis something that is starting to unite Canadians,” Manning said.

“Canada needs one of those reform movements like the ones in Eastern Europe, one dedicated to systemic changes that are out- side the traditional set up. The old line parties refuse to listen,” he said. T h e universities and the schools are the hotbeds of our re- form tradition in Western Canada. That’s why I am here. That’s why the other leaders aren’t.”

He added that a need for structural reform was something that should unite Canadians of all political ideals.

“If your country is dividled, if your federal government is liter- ally broke and your parliament consistently doesn’t represent majority opinion on the issues of the day, whatever your interests in politics, in other areas, the federal government is an ineffec- tive instrument for addrelssing them. You need to fix the biggest problems first,” Manning said.

Manning, whose party has called for significant cuts to spending and a balanced federal budget, said Canada’sfederal. debt is ”literally eating up the federal budget from the inside.”

The Reform leader also dis- cussed Canada’s constitutional problems.

“Our house is divided dong the most dangerous lines possible, those of race, language and cul- ture,” Manning said, adding that despite federal government at- tempts to bridge the gap between English and F’rench, “Quebec, i t appears, is more alienated from the rest of Canada, than ever.”

He said the Reformers felt t ha t Quebec should decide whether it wants to separate-from Canada, then everyone in Canada (with or without Quebec) should restructure Canada as they vvish. Elections should follow in Quebec and Canada as a whole in order to give a mandate to parties to pur- sue constitutional negotiati.ons. After a negotiated deal, the deal should be approved by a national referendum.

“We should see if a new Canada and a new Quebec can stay together. That’s what we want to see happen, but if that can’t be done, we should par t amicably,” Manning said.

November 1.1991 THE UBYSSEY/3

Animal by Martin Chester

VANCOWER(CUPtThe thou- sands of viewers who watched the Queen’s Plate horse race at Woodbine Racetrack in Toronto three weeks ago witnessed a kag- edy.

As the horses came off the final turn and headed to the finish line, Isvestia, the second winningest Canadian horse, pulled up lame. The TV cameras watched as this four year old horse limped intoacaniertobetakenformedical attention.

Hours later, Isvestia was hu- manely put to death. He had shat- tered his leg.

According to Peter Hamilton of the Vancouver based animal rights group, LifeForce, Isvestia’s is far from a rare case.

Just two weeks earlier a horse called Top Class was humanely killed after breaking its leg during arace, Hamilton said. Many horses suffer the same fate throughout the country.

But incidents like these illus- trate just the surface of the prob- 1em.Hamilton saidother problems

include poor facilities, abusive training techniques, the use of drugs and running young horses.

The Toronto Humane Society has investigated horse racing in Ontario.

Denise Mally of the humane society’s education department said W e have received a lot of information from American hu- mane societies and have investi- gated in Canada.

W e found the problems were not as severe as in the US, but they did exist,” Mally said.

She said the THS does not agree with horse racing at all, but hopes to at least change the prac- tices of trainers and breeders.

“There are too many cases of breakdowns and pile-ups and horses having to be put down, like what happened to Isvestia,” Mally said. THS’ campaign will begin with the distribution of a infor- mation sheet which they recently put together.

“There haven’t been a lot of casesofanimalabuse,”Mallysaid. “The majority of Ontario horsetracks have been good in that regard.

Canada’s importance decreasing in Europe bv Tanva Paz

Last week Canada’s ambassa- dor to Germany, William Thomas Delworth, spoke at UBC about Canada’s position in ‘The New Europe”. He said the recent changes in the world are profound, particularly considering the num- ber of foreign policy institutions established since World War 11, such as NATO.

“NATO must continue in ex- istence,” Delworth said, ‘The Eu- rope of smaller national units is in many ways less stable than the Europe of the post-war period.”

Nationalism in Eastern Eu- rope is increasing, while in the West, nationalism is no longer fashionable, Delworth said, “par- ticularly in a large country like Germany”.

“It is totally unrealistic to say that there is no threat left. We [Canada] cannot live in an unstable world. The Americans can, they’re a big power; we cannot,” said Delworth. “Canada cannot always be sure that our interests can be taken into account.”

The European perception of Canada is changing with Europe. ‘I think that the vision in Europe ofCanadatodayisprobablysmaller than 40 years ago. The role of Cana da... has become significantly less, yet what is at stake with us is significantly greater,” said

Delworth. UBC’s Canadian foreign policy

expert, Professor Donald Munton, agreed. “I think that some have tended to exaggerate the role [of Canadainthepast].Ithas[always] been relatively small.”

Delworth said he felt that Canada has become less interna- tionalist and more internally con- cerned. He saidthe Canadianview of internationalism is declining because increasing amounts of power are being delegated to the provinces.

Munton disagrees, “Under the Mulroney government we are pre- occupied with the US; Canadatook the easy route internationally.”

On the topic of the European Economic Community, Delworth and Munton basically agree. ‘The EEC is here to stay as a fador that willbecomeincreasinglyimportant to Canada over the next decade,” Delworth said. “Thelikelihoodthat Canada could improve ita role in Europe is less,” said Munton.

When asked about media skepticism of the rising Naziism, anti-“Semitism”, and xenophobia in Germany, Delworth said that it “distorts the political process and creates the image abroad that Germany is up to its old tricks again-animage thathurtathem.” He did not mention the daily and recentNaziYouthattacksonJews.

“It’s not the conditions of the race tracks we are concerned with, we’re concerned about the drugs and the racing of horses under two.”

Mally said horses under two have not fully developed their bones or muscles, so injuries are more common.

A second concern is the use of drugs such as phenyllbutazone, commonly known as Bute, which is an anti-inflammatory used to control local swelling and Lasix which prevent internal bleeding and nose bleeds.

“The Toronto Humane Soci- ety does not agree with using drugs,” she said. “If the horse is injured, or has a problem and it needs drugs to be administered then it shouldn’t be raced.”

Hamilton said the problem is that the horses are not a priority. “In all these entertainment busi- nesses their main concern is making a lot of money, exploiting the animals. The welfare of the animals comes second,” he said.

Margaret Evans, assistant editor of BC Thoroughbred, a magazine published by the Cana-

dian Thoroughbred Horse Society, said trainers and owners take ev- ery precaution to keep the horse safe.

You try to do everything to avoid injury; to do everything to keep the animal fit and sound, physically and mentally,” Evans said.

“These kinds of injuries can justbeafluke,afractionofamissed step. When speed is the central part, there is always an element of danger,” she said.

Evans said there were some problems with a few trainers and some facilities. “There is always room for improvement everywhere to make things safer.”

She saidincidentslike the one that caused Isvestia’s death were not common. “It’s relatively rare, given the number of horses. It’s a very very small number, I think less than one per cent.”

Had Isvestia’s break been a clean one, he would be alive today. The break shattered Isvestia’s leg.

Even if the leg had been able to mend, Evans said the horse wouldstill have suffered.‘It would have basically been a three-legged

horse, then you have to equate in quality of life,” she said.

Mally also pointed to the use of Ymilkshakes,” a combination of water, sugar and baking soda which is force fed by sticking a tube down the horse’s throat. The concoction is meant to help the horse’s digestion and to give i t an energy boost, but Mally said it also increases urination and helps di- lute drugs which may have been used.

“[Milkshaking] is on a trial basis and should not be adminis- tered to horses until the effects are known,” she said.

Other concerns include over- breeding, selling horses for horse meat, and possible abusive train- ing methods, Mally and Hamilton both said. But they also said infor- mation on these concerns was very difficult.

“I haven’t come across any problems of training methods,” Mally said. “I know there are problems in the US, but you have to know a lot about horses and horse racing to investigate that.”

AIDS= Winnipeg home-care group gets federal funding 4 e 4 .

WINNIPEG(CUP)-A one-of-a- kind AIDS homecare group has been granted $140,000 by the fed- eral department of health and welfare in an unprecedented show

The volunteer group Kali- Shiva-named for the Hindu gods of life and death-will use the money to make a video and docu- ment its work since it started in 1986.

Budget coordinator Jessica Wood said the group started when the family of a man with AIDS called on ita family and friends to help care for him until he died.

“ f i r that, the family decided there was a need for this kind of service in Winnipeg, and that is how Kali-Shiva was initiated,” she said.

Wood said the group’s main objective is to help those living with AIDS to live at home. Volun- teers work in shifts preparing

of support.

meals, helping with housework or personal care. They also cover for family members who need a break.

The group of 60 volunteers work anywhere from two to 20 hours each week, depending on the amount of care an individual needs. They are currently tending to 12 people, she said.

The volunteers are trained in the aspects of care for a person withAIDS,shesaid.Buttheyaren’t justcaretakers“theyoRenbecome the family of someone who has been abandoned, she added.

Wany a time the inflicted person will be gay, and families and friends may not be able to cope with that, and will not respond well when that person becomes sick,” Wood said.

KaliShiva founding member Matthew Lawrence said it is im- portant to allow people to die in a comfortable setting.

“The group helps patients

maintain their dignity and have more control in their lives than if they were in a sanitized, less per- sonal environment in a hospital ~ ~

which may make them sicker,” he said. *

Although the group is being funded by the federal government, he said he hopes i t will retain its grassroots, volunteer nature.

Kali-Shiva relies on doctors, .4 churches, public service an- nouncements and word of mouth L

to recruit new members, as well as to get the message out to people who may want the service, Lawrence said.

trained on an on-going basis.

keeps them up to date on what is happening in the HIV community. We try and communicate well so that the families will get the most out of the group.”

Wood said these recruits are ~ ~

W e have a newsletter that .I

4/THE UBYSSEY November 1.1991 ~~

Basketbirds ,. ~

by Don Pyzant S N Peak

The UBC Thunderbirds came away empty handed against cross- town rivals Simon kaser Univer- sity Clansmen in the 1991 version ofthe Buchanan basketball classic in Burnaby on Wednesday.

UBC‘s women were clearly outplayed by a very strong SFU squad led by seniors Andrea Schnider and Michelle Hendry going down 82-47.

Although guards Lisa Nickle and Roj Johal were standouts for the Thunderbirds, UBC could not match the Clan bench. With the loss UBC is now 0-3 against the Clan in their annual tilt for the Barbara Rae trophy.

In the men’s game, SFVs te- nacious defence gave them a 43-33 lead at half time. UBC never led but came to within eight points midway through the second half before SFU pulled away to an 88-

Jason Leslie figured heavily inthe Thunderbirdoffence, scoring 28 points, while Clan forward An- drew Steinfeld and guard David Munrocombinedfor36SFUpoints.

The Thunderbirds were with- out high-scoring forward J.D. Jackson who is out with an ankle

73 victory.

injury suffered during the week- end.

UBCisnow 7-10-1 againstthe Clan in Buchanan Cup play.

The women’s team is hosting the West Coast Classic tournament this weekend at War Memorial Gym.

The tournament will include the UniversityofVictoriaVikings’ the University of Winnipeg Wesmen and the McMaster Uni- versity Marauders.

UBC will play McMaster on Saturday at 530 pm and Winnipeg on Sunday at 4 pm.

And both the football and men’s soccer team will play some pivotal contests this weekend.

The men’s soccer team hosts the University of Alberta Golden Bears in a contest to decide first place in Canada West play today at OJ Todd Field starting at 3 pm.

And the football team faces the University of Saskatchewan Huskies on Saturday at Thunderbird Stadium starting at 1 pm.

The Thunderbirds will have to beat the Huskies and the Uni- versity of Manitoba Bisons will have to beat the University of Calgary Dinosaurs to get a berth in the playoffs.

. .

Womens Soccer W L

Calgary Alberta

3 0 3 1

Lethbridge British Columbia 0 2

1 1

Saskatchewan 0 3

Mens Soccer W L

British Columbia 6 0

Men’s Basketball vu. York University - Thum, Oet318:30pmatWarMemorialGym&vs.Seattle

T F A pts Chriatiin Athletee-Mon.,Nov. 4 630pmat War 3 9 4 9 MemoriaIGym

5 10 10 7 mentFri., Nov. 1 730pm McMasterva Winnipeg; l1 Women’sBmketbpU West Coast Classic Tourna-

4 7 12 4 Sat., N w . 2 630pm UBCvaMcMaster730pm 3 4 11 3 UVic VR Winniwc Sun., Nov. 3 4pm UBC vu.

Winnipeg & 6pm UVic VR McMaster. All games at War Memorial Gym

T F A Pts Men’eFIeld Hockey v8. India FHC (B side) - Sat. 2 31 3 14 Nov. 2230pm at OJToddFielde

Alberta Victoria Tcddhelds

5 0 1 18 3 11 ~ugt.? vs. C o ~ e h a n - s u n . , ~ o v . 3 2 : 3 0 p m a t ~

Calgary 2 4 1 8 1 2 6 Saskatchewan Lethbridge 0 32 atOJTcddFie1dsL vs.UofSaskachewan- Sat.,

1 4 2 4 20 4 Men’e Bower vs. UofAIberh - Fri.. Nw. 1 3pm

Nov. 2 2pm at OJ Todd Fields

Football W L T F A h

Manitoba 5 2 0 220 132 10 Calgary 4 3 0 177 156 8 Saskatchewan 4 3 0 151 188 8 BritishColumbia 3 4 0 176 137 6 Alberta 2 6 0 106 216 4

Thls Week In Varsity S p o ~ s

Women’eSoccavs.IJofAlberta-Fri.,Nov.13pm at OJ Todd Fields & vu. U of Saskatchewan - Sat., Nov. 2 2pm at OJ Tcdd Fields

Women’sVolleyballvaSpartaClubTeam(USSR) -Wed., Nw. 6 8 pm at Capilano College

Away Women’s Field Hockey CIAU Championship - Rowbg Portland Invitational -Portland Nw. 2 H d i f f ~ N.S. Oct. 31 - NOV. 3

Home Swimmfng Husky Relsgr - Seattle, WA NOV. I Footbrll vs.Uof9aukatchewan-Sat.,Nov.2 lpm Yen’s VoneybaU Bison Invitational - Winnipp, at Thunderbird Stadium b5. Oct. 31 - Nw. 2

Hofkeg VL U of Brandon - hil9Bt, Nw. 1-2 WomenC VoJleybd Bison Invitational - Win- 7:- at the Winter Centnt mueen. Mb. Nov. 1 -2

MA CHlANlEN PHOTO

I Rock climber Mike Spagnett tries out the new climbing wall found backstage at the SUB auditorium.

SMeline festivities provided most of the action during the annual Tcul football game staged this year on Halloween.

P

November 1,1991 THE UBYSSEY/S

by Rad1 Peschiera

T HEyaE everywhere. You sit beside them in

classrooms, overhear them in club line-ups or converse with them during lunch. They go to university, they hang-out with their circle of friends and they have no idea what they want.

They are your friends, fellow students and most probably you. And they are the subject of Richard Linklateis debut film Slacker.

PREVIEW Slacker The Starlight November 1-7

Slacker begins with a man (Linklater) at a bus station flagging a cab then explaining a dream to the driver, who seems more interested in dropping him off. He says all our thoughts create alternate realities that go on to lead completely separate lives but we will never know what those lives are because “we’re kind of trapped in this one reality restriction type thing.”

The film loosely works around this “one reality restric- tion” by not following one or a set group of characters.

For most of the film, the camera is an innocuous viewer walking through Austin, Texas for a day and never lingering too long before moving onto another who may just be passing by.

nor does it ever return to a previous character, but Linklater‘s motive is not to present one single story. He presents a variety and opens up the narrow scope of a single Elm narrative.

Slacker has no “storyline”

The agai

uni ,nst

seem^ lost arid out of their minds, it remains inspiring. 0

A lady’s scandalous two=‘ S by Sharlene Axam

- ET in England at the turn sorts of e himself to teaching her how to of the century, Bicycle tions, is to do the unthinkable- ride. Unfortunately, her awkward

Ladies is strikingly different ride a bicycle. Victorian dress proves disatrous from any other animated film Although Bicycle Ladies is for riding. Determined to make Pve seen as all the ingredients filmed in black and white to his wife happy, Chester designs a essential to a good story are capture the oppressive times of side-saddle bicycle that accommo- present. the machine age, the mischie- dates the profusion of her dress

vous Maddy has brilliant red at the expense of her balance. FILM tresses that perfectly match her Bicycle Ladies is a conscious- Bicycle Ladies impish, spritely Puck-like October 22

ness-raising vehicle, which nature. appeals to the part of me that

The many flower beds in wants to know more about Jill Hams magically brings the film, reminiscent of women’s history and their onging

her characters to life. The Spenser’s gardens, are also commitment. figures are dynamic and grace- black and white with the Maddy is the rebellion of one ful. Their one-dimensional, cut- exception of a single rose. The woman against the horrific out forms are easily transcended only flower touched by colour is confinement and oppression of all by their fluidity of movement. the red rose Maddy’s husband, women during the 1800s. When

Maddy Endicott, combines a playfully tries to seduce her crowded streets victorious, her

charm with the effervescence of learning to ride a bicycle. . corset fly from her body and the a child. Her “highly unusual Chester fearlessly braves look on her face expresses the joy desire, which puts her in all society’s shame and commits of escape.

The star of Bicycle Ladies, Chester, gives her when he Maddy finally rides through the . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . delightfully naughty or devilish from her scandalous cumbersome dress, bustle and

- byEfiePow 1

\ a \ the sexist and racist work- place and contextualizes racist events since the 1970s. Combining original music by Faith Nolan, clips of footage and interviews. Sisters in the

i

t r

d women filmed are involved with the Toronto Black

y community, though as Brand says, she did not include enough Canadian-born Black

Struggle is a rhythmic col- lage.

Canadian women active in government politics, labour unions and feminist organiza- tions show the diverse per- spectives and priorities of Black women in the feminist movement. Most of the

The interviews with Black

6/THE UBYSSEY November l, 1991 November 1,1991 THE UBYSSEY/7

Focus on Leibovitz

unfoldingin their homelands, him t o leave Chile? These were overall presentation. 8/THE UBYSSEY November 1,1991

Crime does not ultimately,ourowndestruction.By Screaming letters. While I have read truck- failing to mention that the Gov- loads of abuse in this esteemed ernment has the means to pay the imperfections peridcal directed against white Debt without resorting to theft, heterosexual males, I don't recall you are being deliberately mis- any articTe or letter in which a The incredibly skewed Per- visik,le minority was (and rightly

made in your letter "Pay Up" spective of October 22, with its so). However, the few who have (Ubyssey, October 16, 1991): Pm Probek fierytalkaboutracistwhiteracists suggested merely that white bet- intrigued. You state that the rich- Science exploiting everyone else in aracist emsexual males might not have est 10 per cent of Canadians own system, positively screamed Out exclusive .rights to all known char- 50 per cent of Canada's private for a reply. H'ere's mine and I hope wealth, and that this wealth is Keynes rules!! that there will be others. more than enough to The passions of the author

pay off the National Debt. Are you appear to have been inflamed by a

tryingtoimplythatweshouldforce Poor Martin Chester. In a pa- who expressed his view that itss very thoughtful letter by Mr. Chan

these P d e to pay Off the Debt? thetic attempt to shore up his oftenwise~lookatyourselfbefore That we should perhaps "nation- crumbling pro-Debtianti-reality hurling the ]label of Uracist" at a dim" their wealth? "Nationaliza- position on the federal economic who ,rou feel has offended tion" Or "exPropriation" Or any Of a crisis, he has written yet another you in some way. Itss a nasty thing multitude of similar words is sim- letter to this esteemed publica- ply another way Of saying tion, arguing that 1 need to "get better be v e ~ , very sure that what

to say about someone, so you'd Theft is the application of force by humanity." M~ balanced- onepersonontoanotherinorderto budgetiresponsible-fiscal-man- ethnic background. It all sounds

they said or did was based on your

make that person @ve UP the agementproposals,hecries,ignore logical and hardly implies

just compensation. Is this what ~y -e t a l inqua l i t i e s .~~n , that native Indians, for example, ' you are we do? I am delighted to have the oppor- %dnst them. yet, this

were responsible for the atrocities

That we should to pay OUT tunity to respond to your com- is exactly the message the authors debts?

bedone,confiscatingthesefivate 1) How do 1 think farmers/ went on to blast M ~ . ChanSs sug- their vitrio1:ic letter. They then

assets will not address the long- Vancouver parents would react to gestion that Canah was a rela- term problem ofour National Debt. me Debt did not ajust happen'. It my arguments? 1 have no dqubt tively tolerant place with several

sew Over a period Of years a~ a my insistence that one should not ism in cc,untry. 'well, so what? Of the Of the spend more than one has as being bcism is e,rerywhere; you won*t

"something for nothing" fallacy- nothing short Of draconian. How- find a country free of it, but you'll wecan'thavewhatwewantb~t~e ever, practical necessities and the find a great many with a much don'thavetopayforit.~atwould dictates of economic reality are not severe case of tKs affliction Occur in another ten years Once the swayed by the demands of special- Canada. , Debt had Mlooned again? who interest groups, however appeal- Apart from the usual garbage you sacrifice then? (And ing or justified those demands abut the exploitatiion of the pro- don'tanswertherich-~~~maybe might appear.Theindividuals you letariat by the evil capitalist pig- able to skin them once, but not mentioned would no doubt appre- d o g s ( s h o ~ n g ~ a ~ n g ~ y f e w h a r d twice.Afterrobbingthemonce,Pm sure they would not stick around outs, but (and this may as a ciate further government hand- facts, I thought, for an essay co- to be robbed again.) written by a graduate), the letter

can? The answer is relatively 2) I think it*s fair for PSAC to made me wonder exactly how the simp1e. The Government Of be held to a zero percent wage problem of :racism. mat sort of

authors intended tu deal with the Owns a huge amount increase in the face ofinflation and constructive solution could this of property- Not just land and cor- rising interest rates? I have two attitude pos,sibly lead to?

porations,butliquidandnon-liquid responses,Mr. Chester.F'irst, what nnally, I woulti like to take a assets such as CUmnCY, do you think has fueled the rise in swipe at the increasing number of gold,buildings,vehicles,andsoon. interest rates? Let me give you a people who are criticizing The

government(thatis,pmtectingits YOU think i t s s fair for a citizens from force, eitherfiomfor- .~ eogernment to spend money its

pay

Regarding the implication YOU leading.

products Of their labour without the REAL problem in canah to-

Even stipulating that this could be. merits, Obtuse though they might chosetoread andthen denouncein

that many people would consider admittedly valid examples of rat-

Since theft cannot solve the Ostrich tactics, Martin) the money hatred, as opposed to shock to Your iPore-the-Problem contained a &stur]ling streak of

' problemofourNationalDebt, what Just mere.

the propem used in hint: the debt and the deficit. Clear myssey fo,. publishing advancing the valid PurpOses of enough for you? And second, do

total Debt. As to the long-term solution of

the Debt. The only solution is to admit that you must pay for what you get, ala TANSTAAFL (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch). The Government must be . prohibitedfromforcingitscitizene to support projects that do not ben- efit them. Almost every program supported by the Government be- gan as a way to buy votes; of and by themselves, they do nothing but destroy what they espouse to pre- serve. These pork-barrelling pro-

& grams have contributed greatly to . the size of the Debt; they must go.

The only justifiable function of government is to protect ita citi- zens from the use of force, be it actual or threatened, domestic or foreign. Any other "benefits" that a government provides are actually

, immoral intrusions in the lives of itscitizens.Theseintrusionseven- tually lead to the problems we are facing today and, taken to their extreme, the agonies that the Communist Bloc countries are

A currently going through. By for- , biddingtheGovernmentto support

such stupidities, it would never againbe able to accumulate such a massive Debt.

In short, the idea you imply is indeed mind-boggling, as you say.

+ It is mind-boggling stupid. By im- plying that stealing is a justifiable way of paying our Debt and that there is nothing wrong in the fact that the Debt was accumulated in the first place, you are counselling a continuation of the problem and,

L-

tions tipay the debt?Here wehave an easy (if illogical) rallying cry for the perpetually misinformed, one which appears to solve the problem without straining the higher fac- ulties at all-sort of a John Lipscomb School of Finance ap- proach. Allow me to disabuse you of this notion, Martin. If you tax corporations to pay for the over- spending of government, the ef- fects will be clearly and immedi- ately disastrous. The companies will leave the country (witness NDP Ontario, Mr. Non-Myopic), taking withthem jobs,investment, and tax revenue. The first two, presumably, mean little to you, Mr. Chester, but I would have thought that you'd fight to the death to keep your hold on the last of the three.

Mr. Chester stated that he wou1d"simplify [his] argument and try to get down to real situations." Whatever his failure in that re- gard, he has clearly made one thing highly evident-he is less con- cerned with reality than he is with his own absurd notions of wealth redistribution and societal re- structuring.Takeabreakf?omDas Kapital for a second, Martin, and try to understand this: without a strong economy, without an atmo- sphere conducive to business and hence to jobs, there will be no wealth at all for you to hand out. And without that wealth, your plans for a Marxist utopia are not only insane, they are impossible.

Jason Ford Science 3

acter defectihavebeen figuratively burned at the stake. Such an atti- tude is a form of discrimination in itself as it denies other groups the right to be imperfect; aren't we all entitled to that?

~~

Jan Palaty

Lipscomb school of finance

The rich are responsible for Canada's debt because the rich essentially control government (see my letter Jan. 8, 1991, p.15). Federal governing parties are mainly controlled by their corpo. rate and .private donors. Our tax dollars are spent to ensure thai the :rich stay rich. This may seem counter-i ntuitive in that mosl money goes toward social pro, grams. however, these social pro, grams are there to placate and prevent Canadians from electing parties that will actually equalin power. Face it, wealth is concen trated among privileged, whitc men. "his is grossly unfair an( would not be the case if we hac democratic government. Govern ment by tmd for the rich should bc paid for by the rich.

Rewriting Keith Lockitch, Oct 16, p.15: What we really needis tc radically reduce luxury consump tion. by taxing it to the hilt. This i only one 'of the many ways we c a tru1yach:ieveprosperityFORALL

J o h n Lipscoml M B L

'ublic Information Session

Meeting about the Expo Site soil dumping.

Tuesday, November 5th

7pm-9pm

at Science World 1455 Quebec St.

(next to the Main Street Sky Train station)

Speakers include Duane Brothers, Head of Permit [ssuing Office for Environ.-

ment Canada

David Gillis, Head of Ocean Dumping Control

Federal Programmes

and others.

Lesbians and Gender Bias Committee

Meeting: Nov. 7, 7:30pm

876 Commercial

Regarding submissions to the Law Society's Gender

Bias Committee

For more info, call Barbara Findlay

at 251-4356

-

MAKE CANADA c P" Invitation to YOUR BUSINESS A m;magement career with the federal Public Service is your chance to move forward in the country's most diverse professional environment.

Master's Students

The Government of Canada will soon be recruiting 1992 master's graduates for its Management Trainee Program, and is looking for talented people who are keenly

interested in becoming managers with the Public Service of Canada.

To find out more on how you can make Canada your business, join us

for an information session followed by

Henry Angus Building Room 109

Thursday, November 7,1991 1:00 p.m.

As an employer, the Government of Canada offers all qualifEd persons an equal opportunity to

compete for available positions in the Public

Vouspouvez obtenir ces remeignements en fianqais.

This is an apology On Tuesday, October 29, The

Ubyssey ran an ad for the Roxy which featured a blood-spattered Marilyn Monroe look-alike smiling in careless glee at getting into the club.

We have no excuse for running the ad, which many people found to be offensive.

At best, the image plumbs the depths of bad taste; at worst it is a disquieting indication of the extent of sexual exploitation and casual vio- lence in advertising. This becomes particularly worrying when we re- member that advertising aims to ap- peal to its market, and thus reflects the values of society.

The Ubyssey will send a letter to the advertiser stating that such sex- ist, derogatory ads, and ads that fea- ture such violent images, will not be accepted for publication. The combi- nation of sexism and violence in the Roxy ad is doubly disturbing.

These images desensitize the reading public to the horror of vio- lence against women, and reinforce the stereotype of woman as victim.

The level of desensitization that occurs is evident in The Ubyssey’s own negligence. That a newspaper which tries to fight sexism could over- look the implications of printing the Roxy ad is an indication of the per- vasiveness of the problem of sexism in advertising.

It was a mistake to dismiss the image of a battered woman in a low- cut dress as Hallowe’en gore and we apologize to all of our readers.

THEUBYSSEY November 1,1991

The Ubyssey is published Tuesdays and Fridays by the Alma Mater Societyofthe Universityof BritishColumbia. Editorial opinions are those of the staff and not neces- sarily those of the university administration, or of the sponsor. The editorial office is Rm. 241Kof the Student Union Building. Editorial Department, phone 822-2301; advertising, 822-3977; FAX# 822-9279

The Ubyasey is a founding member of Canadian University Prese

As the clock struck midnight, Sharon Lindores lwkec into her crystal ball and spied Paul (Ted) Dayson imperson ating the anti-Paul. With her third eye, she saw Efie POH making up lame excuses for her lack of proper attire. Yggl King carved satanic jack+-lanterns which Yukie Kurahash lit with RickHiebert’s trickmatches. While Cheryl Niamatl buzzed from flower to flower, Steve Chan and Don Mah battlc to the death with Raul Peschiera’e plastic sword andElai3nc Griffith tried on his plastic eye patch to see if she could 8e(

better with it. Carla MaRechuk wore black an enjoyed he cigarette. Sam Green dressed up like an elf and Tanya Pa: gave candy to Paula Wellingspock and Bill Denham wht cametrick-or-treatingwithMartinChesterandMarkNielsen Lucho von Isschot flew off the balconyonVictor Chew Wong9 last broomstick and Paul Gordon lit fmrackers in the AM! council chambers. Lisa Tench carried the knowledge of a1 the muscle groups while Greg Davis ranted and raved abou the nature of evil and order in chaos. Hao Li could kick abovs his head; finally, hie hair was finally combed. Pia L’Obry wa mystified until Ellen Pond turned her into a frog. Sylvi Grace Borda woke up with a fright in the morning an Sharlene told her it was all a very bad dream. A nightmar actually.

Edlton Paul Dayson Sharon Undofa Carla Maftechuk

Ra01Pwchlua atkPow

I

Truth and humour

Seriousness is on the rampage. Some (Steven Cavers and Eric Hudson) have gravely faulted Colin Mills’ “point-by-point criticism”0f Bill Denham’s mock review of the Gideons’ New Testament (enough name-dropping yet?) for being too serious. Perhaps they are right. But it seems to me that Colin Mills had a good point (especially as i t turned out to be so similar to mine!)

Humour is a wonder- ful, spirit-lifting human activity-an evaluation with which the Bible quite agrees: “A merry heart doeth good like a medi- cine”(Proverbs 17:22). But even humour has its seri- ous side. Aside from being a source of fun and enter- tainment, humour is also a powerful rhetoricd tool for getting others to agree withourownpointofview. Andits power derivesfiom ita very pleasurability (if there is such a word): we naturally want to accept those things that bring us pleasure.

As with any tool, the use of humour should be carefully controlled. Laughing at other people’s helplessness and hurt as one goes around slaugh- tering them is as unac- ceptable and counterpro- ductive as ridiculing the idea that the earth is round. Humour, just like all modes of human action andcommunication,must be limited by the dual con- straints of morality and truth. For it is from these two realities that humour draws most ofits strength and effectiveness. It is because Charlie Brown so accurately characterizes our selves and our society, for example, that we find his frequently painful predicaments so humor-

Thus, I applaud bill Denham’s attempt to lighten up the so-often sombre pages of the Ubyssey. (I won’t append any more adjectives for fear of offending its judi-

ous.

The Ubpsey welcanes letters on any Issue. Letters must be typed and are not to exceed 300 words In le-. Content whkh Isjwged to be Ilbelous, horophobk, sexist, racist or factually Incorrect will not be published. Please be conclse. Letters may be edited for brevity. but it Is standard Ubyssey pollcy not to edit letters for spelll% or grammatical mlstakes. Please brl% them, with IdentRatlon. to SUB 241K. Letters must Include name, faculty, and signature.

thetic student body.) But I also applaud Colin Mills’ attempt (and, in an under- handed sort of way, my own) to more accurately portray the truth of the matter: that Bill Denham’s mock review of the New Testament, though funny, is also wildly inaccurate in places. Let‘s have more truth AND more humour in the pages of our student newspapers and, more importantly, in the leaves of our student lives.

Ed Hewlett Education 1

Moron wreaks havoc

I wish to thank the moron who dented the side of my car with hidher door in B-lot last week. Anyone with even the slightest trace of consid- eration knows not to fling open one’s car door in a parking lot. you must have whacked it fairly hard to create the size dent that you did.

It might be interesting to study if the amount of damage one does to another’s car is inversely proportional to brain size. But I am not one to holda grudge. I’ll just say my piece and quietly wish you engine failure on the freeway.

Laura Foster Science 3

Big talk from anti-choicer The article on the front

page of the Oct. 22 issue of the Ubyssey raises some importantissues. Iwillstart out by stating that I believe that abortion is wrong. My opposition is due to the be- liefthathumanlifeiscreated by God and sacred and that there is right and wrong. I also believe that the fetus is a human being.

One issue that is raised comes from the fact that the pro-choicemovementmakes aclaimtoarighttoabortion. However, I have never heard any of them mention where this right comes from, whether the fetus is human, and if it isn’t, why i t isn’t, and why i t is wrong for one

never comes out is the basic reasoning behind the pro- choice view. I fail to see how apersoncanbelieve that one can claim a right to abortion and not allow others to claim a right to oppose such ac- tions.

I also fail to understand what reasoning there is that says that there is nothing wrong with abortion and al- lows advocates to ignore op- posing views by making comments that do not re- spond to the issues raised, such as those listed above. This disregard for opposing viewsisdemonstratedin the article by Frances Foran on Oct. 22 where she simply reiterates the statements of various pro-choice support- ers.

I would say that the pro- choice had better come up with some kind of reasoning for their view and make it clear to others, instead of simply making their view look right by degrading op- posing views.

David Voth Engineering

More like the polka

The rich are responsible for Canada’s debt because the rich essentially control government (see my letter Jan. 8,1991, p.15). Federal governingpartiesaremainly controlledbytheircorporate and private donors. Our tax dollars are spent to ensure that the rich stay rich. This may seem counter-intuitive in that most money goes to- ward social programmes. However, these social programmes are there to placate and prevent Cana- dians from electing parties that will actually equalize power. Face it, wealth is concentrated among privi- leged, white men. This is grossly unfair and would not be the case if we had demo- cratic government. Govern- ment by and for the rich shouldbepaidforbytherich.

Rewriting Keith Lock- itch, Oct. 16, p.15: What we really need is to radically reduce luxury consumption by taxing i t to the hilt. This

Victim blamer and spouter of selfirighteous

rhetoric? Spare me please. If I

weren’t concerned about 4 women helping themselves would I have bothered? If 4 you re-read my letter you may then (hopefully) notice that my infamous comment “assaultscan’t happenifyou don’t put yourself in a posi- tion to be assaulted” refers specifically to women who continue to walk alone un- protected on campus after dark when they know that they are at risk and in jeop- ardy by doing so.

They are not forced to walk alone after dark. My letter does not refer to those multitudes of other threat- , ening situations a woman can find herself in (through no fault of her own I agree). Those issues also need addressing and I can’t think of two more - readily available eager bea- vers to tackle them than 1

Laura J. May and Anne Whittman. Meanwhile, did I say I was tackling the whole feministissue in one breath? Andalso,doIhavetoespouse (.

a feminist perspective to make a cogent point?

Second, I maintain, al- beit alimitedview and scope of womens’ collective prob- lems but not so limited in practical value, that as long as the walk home program, the bus shuttle service andl or karate techniques exist I find it difficult to define as victims who were unable to help themselves those women who have been as- saulted while walking alone on campus after dark.

Debra Gordon A r t s 3

ATTENTION ALL STAFFERS The womeli’s and men‘s cauci will be meeting on Monday November 4, l!2:30 in Sub 241. These meet- ings are absolutley vital to the future of the paper and the

, planet we know as

’ to oppose abortion- is only one of the many ways I The problem that I find we can truly achieve pros- .

cious editors who are 80 with the abortion debate is perity FOR ALL. representative of the that the fundamental rea- John Lipscomb opinions of our so apa- sonsarenot discussed. What

lO/THE UBYSSEY November 1,1991

Screaming hatred, as opposed to anger, which

imperfections authors intended to deal with the made me wonder exactly how the

their vitriolic letter. They then went on to blast Mr. Chan's SUP- What is good for " gestion that Canada was a rela- tively tolerant place with several admittedly valid examples of rac- ism in this country. Well, so what? Racism is everywhere; you won't find a country free of it, but you'll find a great many with a much more severe case of this affliction than Canada.

Apart from the usual garbage about the exploitation of the pro- letariat by the evil capitalist pig- dogs(showingalarming1yfewhard facts, I thought, for an essay co- written by a graduate), the letter contained a disturbing streak of

the gander.. . In the lead story of your Octo-

ber 22 issue on the "Students for Choice" rally:

Jackie Larkin discusses how some women are without access to abortion because in some cases "...the hospital board has been hi- jacked by single-issue anti-choice forces".

But just two paragraphs later, in describing the provincial elec- tion, she states, "And if any of you were thinking of voting Liberal,

remember GordonFVilsonbelieves abortion should be allowed only in cases of rape or incest".

Those single-issue advocates sure are a horrible I.ot,, aren't they Jackie .Wha't'sgoodforthegoose...

As I unde~rstand, th'ose hospital boards Jackie dislikes wer'e elected demlocratically; presum.- ably this is the same repressive political method by which the provincial gclvernment; was just, to parrot Jackie's diction, "hijacked by single-issue anti-life forces".

Rob Swiniarski Grad Studies

("AT)

A little ego boost You helped mak:e my neophyte

political experience more pleasur- able. As the Green Pmty of B.C., Provincial Election Critndidate for Vancouver-F'ointGrNey, I wouldlike to express my appreciation for the positive, well-composed articles that were puldished in the Ubyssey during the 1991 Campaign.

It is so very jkustrating to know in my mind, heart and soul that immediate change has to be made in order for the planet to survive, and still caatinue to wit- ness the de:structive patterns of the human slpecies. 'me little bit of information and the few ideas we share once in a while will not be enough, but at the very least they deserve an A for effort. Where there's a wilil, there's a way and where there are peopl'e that care, there is hope!

Thanks for caring, Ubyssey Staffers!

Nicole Kohnert

November 4 November 5 November 7 November 8 November 12 November 12 November 14 November 15 November 15 November 18 November 19 November 19 November 21 November 25 November 26 November 28

November 6 November 13 November 20 November 27

November 7 November 21

NOVEMBER WORKSHOP SCHEDULE All workshops are from 12:3&1:20 p.m.

How to Listen Effectively Reducing Test Anxiety Overcoming Perfectionism Surviving a Relationship Breakup Developing Social Assertiveness Habits Not Diets (1st of 2 Sessions) How to Master a Textbook Overcoming Procrastination How to Prepare for a Presentation Motivation Habits Not Diets (2nd of 2 Sessions) "Change Your Mind" and Manage Stress Skill Assessment for Career Direction Reducing Test Anxiety Test Preparation Stress Busters

NOVEMBER FILMS Wednesday 1230-1 :20 p.m.

AIDS and the Heterosexual Time Management Test Taking Strategies Stress Management

Workshops Conducted at International House Thursday 1:30-2:30 p.m.

Exam Skills for International Students Re-Entry Preparation for International Students

NYALtS Vegetarian &

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Dinner Specials i C t ~ i o r r A t ~ cuIslr$c Present this Ad between 5 p.m. - 1

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sacredchanting of l i 6e t

ST. ANDREW'S WESLEY CHURCH (Burrard & Nelson)

NOVEMBER 8 8 P.M. Tickets: $18.00 Ticketmaster: 280-4444

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OPEN THE DOOR TO YOUR FUTURE w o . , , < 0 . , 0 . . 1 1 0 *

Works Corps is an international organization dedicated to providing summer opportunities for all students. Whether you are a first year student or one nearing gradua tion, Works Corps can help you to gain the invaluablc rea! world experience that post graduate employers look ! o r .

Back to school Y!;l? no money again Working part time to make ends meet Tired of earning mediocre wages 0

7 'Why not get a head start on your career by securing

:Listen to what other students have to say: yourself employment now?

"My years at Works Corps played a key role in guinrn!: acceptance :o Luw School. More than the money, I gained confidence. the ahrlity to deal with peoplc and problems. hut most of all I learned how rhe busmess naorld nvrks ' Michael Pratt Intermtional Manager of the Year 1st y c w , Osgoode Hall Law School

" I 671 more real life business experience from one summer wrth Work.< Corps than I learned from my M.B.A." Darjl Leroy M.B.A. Proctor & Gamble

M y cxperience with Works Corps taught me the time management skills ana work ethic necessary to increase my markc and reach my scholastic potential Mantly Barclay 3rd Year International Relations U.B.C.

For information call Vancouver 298-7429, Western Canada 1-800-665-4992 or send resumes to:

6478 E, Broadway, Burnaby, B.C. V5B 2Y2

f-

THIS AIN'T NO PARTY. THIS AIN'T NO DISCO. THIS AIN'T NO FOOLING AROUND.

November 1,1991 -

THE UBYSSEY/U

Life during deadlines - THE UBYSSEY'

-/

The good deal is, your least expensive meal is free when two or more of the above items areordered. Not valid wfth any dher coupon. Dining in onty, please. Valid when this ad is presented prbr to placement of order,

3431 WEST BROADWAY 738-5298 Dee. 31 1991 Expires

Sun-Thurs11:30amto11:00~m Fr i -Sat ll:30amto1:30am answer st&k horror into my soul tions before, and this o n m p e - Suddenly, in my deep despair, and chilled my blood to liquid ni- lunking in the tunnels under UBC I heard the whispered voice of Dr.

Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare

Directed by Neil Freeman November 6-23 8pm

Special 2 for 1 Wednesday - November 6 Matinees - Thursday Nov.14 & 20 12:30prn Holdover Evening Perfs. Nov 20,21,22,23

Reservations 822-2678

Continued fmm page one cized ropes on their recent trip page 5. What fortitude, I thought down. admiringly! What hellish perse-

the netherworld we get them.” Icheckedmywatch-onehour verance! I was stumped for strate- I asked one more question, and 50 minutes until midnight- gies to defeat such a formidable

concerning the how’s and where’s and hurried off down the passage. opponent. Meanwhile my watch of reachinp the Underworld. His I had been in some strange situa- chimed 11 pm.

I 7:OO jungle Fever 9:30 The Doctor

Y ‘

I 7: 00 Perfectly Normd 9:30 La Femme Nikita

Dr, Strangway...

I Y ooooo Y 1 50m I

IWednesday-Thursday mov 6-7) I

Next Week: Mobsters & Point Break

All Screenings are in the SUB Theatre

trogen. “No, anything but hat,” I on a quest for the Holy Gruel- Strangeway, the Oracle: “Use the gasped. might well be another of them. chorus, Luke,”-andmy mind was

But the Oracle nodded impla- Before long I heard the sound of instantly suffused with the lyrics cably. “There is no other way. You running water and came to a dark, of La Bamba. Of course! My wor- must bungie jump into the Pit of rancid stream whose sole inhabit- ries peeled away like the skin of a Hell.” ants were a race of pale pickled very large andbloated anaconda. I

herring. had my answer. yLs1 la la la la

and certainly no worse than Phys- encountered ChuckDi, the her- As the first words left my lips, ics 115. Or so I kept reassuring maphroditicfenyperson+gaunt, the Keeper shrieked, threw his myself as I wrestled with hands in the air, and

MainLibrary.Butitwas My nemesis. m y he was called tering something about a manhole cover behind leapt out of sight, mut-

some supernatural force. Fortunately, I great mysteries which takes its ground, I snatched the

sic. Just before it hit the

residents on their way air and turned. Even as

there! Can you give me tered softly to rest, I was a hand with this man- heading for home. Back hole?” I asked, desperation mak- sexlesscreaturewhoofferedtotake to the surface World. ing me bold. me across the water for a double

“That’s no manhole. It’s a Per- sawbuck. Hidher conversational I reached the Ponderosa Caf- sonal Access Chamber,” one of the repertoire was apparently limited eteria with some two minutes to wise-asses quipped. W e avoid to,“TheFoxRocks”-whichshehe spare. In fact, I would have been gender-exclusivelanguagearound muttered over and over again late had someone not, as usual, this campus.” (quite professionally, too, I tampered with the clock tower.

“Okay, fine. Can you just help thought). When we reached the There was just enough time to me lift the damned lid. I’m in a bit other side, I realized with dismay switch the porridge and duck be- of a hurry.” I told them a lie about that I’d spent my last dollar at the hind the counter before, right on being from Prince George, which Pit. Fortunately, I substituted a schedule, the Dark One walkedin. seemed to explain my erratic contentious article from The My nemesis. Why he was behaviour and instantly endeared Ubyssey which so enraged the called the Dark One is one of those me to the lot. In afew moments the ferryperson that he/she forgot to great mysteries which takes its lid was lying loose on the roadway collect my fare. rightful place among Elvis beside a black, evil-smelling ori- Next I was faced with sightings and the Caramilk bar. fice. Cerebrus, the three-headed hog Presumably it had somethingto do

“Thanks for the help.” I said with near-genius IQ who guarded withhisthoughtsaroundteenaged

Hell wasn’t such a bad place, On the shore of this river I Bamba...!”

glued solid, perhaps by the Dark One is one of those the evils of popular mu-

spotted a few Totem rightful place among Elvis phial of Gruel from the home to a Pam. ”Hey sightings and the Caramilk bar. Winnie-the-Pooh flut-

as the Totem crowd &bled on their way. I assembled the bungie gear which the Oracle had given me some ten minutes earlier. The dark hole looked about as inviting as an exam in the Armouries. A quick flashlight inside verified it to be a bottomless chasm. Well, here goes nothing,” I philosophized, keepingthephrase“9.8metresper second squared” firmly out of my thoughts.

I jumped.

Aside from the strong parallel to a certain Victorian girl falling down a much popularized rabbit hole, my descent was a unique ex- perience. The bungie cord stopped me several microns from the bot- tom and, after a few nauseating bounces, I untied myself and snapped on my light. I stood in a damp, musty-smelling passage. The ground was littered with something which proved, on closer examination, to be the shattered remnants of Rita Johnston’s cabi- net. Evidently they had not been as happily equipped with elasti-

the entrance to Heli. He oinked at me menacingly, until I thought of posing him that age-old riddle, W h a t have I got in my pockets?” I promptly pulled out a scrap of pa- per which read, ‘The square root of minus one”+nd handed i t to him. For all I know, he’s still working out an answer.

The Pit of Hell was not unlike the Main Library stacks, though i t smelled slightly worse. It was staffed with ex-members of Physi- cal Plant and the Bay City Rollers, who seemed to spend all their time pulling books from shelves, mak- ing study notes, and then dropping their notes into the incinerator. Consequently they groaned a lot.

I asked directions to the Cere- als Division and before long stood beneath my final hurdle-the Keeper of the Gruel. He was a balding, shrivelled old bear who slumped all day on a Lifeguard Chair, holding the phial of Gruel in one hand and a copy of Wlnnie- the-Pooh in the other. He never moved once, and never got past

girls, because in the well-lit cafete- ria he looked anything but dark. He wm lawn coloured and vaguely reptilian, like a bad B-movie mon- ster coated in lumpy green paint. He didn’t even notice me hiding there, just strolled up with all the tact of a Campus Cowboy, grabbed his porridge, and chowed down.

It must have been potent stuff because the whole mom immedi- ately began to pulsate, like a 60s jelloorgyortheEnterpriseonWarp 12. Accompanying this motion came a noise so loud it must have awakened even the sleepers in the Legislative Assembly. And that terrible creature, the Dark One, with all his lumps and evil plans, exploded.

It was over. I had done it. Saved the university and saved the universe. I wiped slime and the remains of a kidney from my left cheek. Admittedly, I smelled alittle like over-ripe cheese-but that was okay. I could always shower in the morning.

I STARLIGHT CINEMA QEEEN ONE WEEK ONLY

NOV1-7 I STANLEY H. KAPLAN EDUCATIONAL CENTER LTD e 944-7717 x 1 0 e m a c - _

l2/THE UBYSSEY November 1,1991

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