i-parent magazine - nov 2011

i-parent The mission of I-Parent Magazine is to be the most valuable source of par-enting information and a local resource for families. We are committed to en-hancing the lives of families by maintaining excellence in editorial content and encouraging community awareness.

I-Parent Magazine 5-150 Hollidge Blvd Suite 184 Aurora, Ontario www.i-parent.ca

Publisher & Editor Donna de Levante Raphael

Contributing Writers Alesha Almata

Nora Camacho Dahlia S. Webb Monica Santangelo P.B. de Levante Patricia J. Jones Joan Gallata Dr. Renaldo Mortimer Gilbert Powers Ira Schwartz Marcus Chandasekharan

Graphic Designer Hany Barsoum

Advertising Sales 905-481-1240

Marketing Manager 905-481-1240

Circulation Donna de Levante Raphael [email protected] Copyright 2011 by I-Parent Magazine. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is forbidden.

Departments Baby Basics 3

Toddler to Preschool 5

Education 7

PreTeen & Teen 11

Family Health 13

Together Time 18

Family Finances 26

The Hip Mom 28

The Daddy Life 29

Single Parent World 31

Features Raising A Culturally Conscious

Kid

How To Help Your Frustrated Child

Is Your Granddaughter A mean little Girl?

Monthly

Volume 1, Issue 2– I-Parent

Dear Moms, Dads, Guardians,

I just had the opportunity to finally read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. A few months ago she made big news in North America re-garding the raising children the Chi-nese way. Pretty controversial stuff I might say, but I got her point and can say I might qualify to be a Half-Tiger Mother. Whether you agree with her ideas or not, you have to admire the honesty of Amy Chua, author of the controversial best-selling book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. She’s in full combat gear when it comes to what she believes is best for

her two daughters, ready to fight without mercy – against them, when necessary – to ensure they become successful adults. If you haven’t had the opportunity to read it, in her book, she re-veals the gory details of some of those fierce battles. Typical Ca-nadian parents could learn a thing or two from the strict methods of Chinese mothers she speaks of, Chua says, to raise more ac-complished kids. She’s right, and she’s wrong. As parents, many of us would bene-fit from emulating some of her methods, such as pushing our chil-dren to make the most of their talents, to excel in school work, to be respectful, to accept that they won’t necessarily be doing what “everyone” is, if it’s not in their best interests. Do we need to push our children as hard as Chua does? I don’t think so. It’s true that many parents are too lax, too ready to be their child’s friend instead of their parent. These parents fulfill their child’s every want – from iPhone to TV viewing at the expense of study-ing to unlimited free time for play. They quickly acquiesce when their child whines that he’s too tired to study or that his 11-year- old friends get to watch R-rated movies, so why can’t he? But the other extreme also holds danger. Pushing too hard, in academics, athletics, music, art or any subject, could equally backfire. My cousin was a reluctant piano student who was forced to practice but played beautifully as a teen. After high school, though, it was years before he touched the instrument again. When push comes to serious shoving, it’s time to step back and assess whether we have realistic expectations for our children. Moderation is the key, as it is in most of life. As parents, we have to help our children set and achieve goals, discipline them when they are out of line, and give them the encouragement and tools they need to develop their talents, whether they want to be a nu-clear scientist or a plumber. That’s why they call parenthood the toughest job you’ll ever have. Sincerely, Donna

Thoughts from this Half-Tiger Mother

Editor’s Note

3

How To Reduce Your Baby's Risk of SIDS By: Patti Rawling-Anderson

SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), also know as cot death, is the diagnosis for the sudden death of a baby under one year of age that remains unexplained after a thorough case investigation and affects. There are around 300 cases in the UK every year. There are various measures you can take to help reduced the risk of SIDS.

How to reduce your baby’s risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) SIDS: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, is a new mum’s nightmare. SIDS babies die during their sleep for no apparent reason; a con-crete cause of death is never found. Though rare, it’s the most common way that babies between 1 month and 12 months old die. The latest research shows that perhaps an abnormality in the brainstem prevents certain infants from responding to breathing challenges (like when there are obstructions). Until doctors know more, there are some proven ways to lower your baby’s risk of SIDS:

Put her on her back to sleep The most effective way to decrease the risk of SIDS is to lay baby on her back in the crib, according to The Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development in America. Some researchers surmise that this is because stomach sleep-ing puts pressure on a baby’s jaw, narrowing the airway and potentially hampering breathing. Back sleeping is so effective that 50 percent less babies have died of SIDS since the Back to Sleep Public Education Campaign by the NICHD went into effect in 1994. Don’t Smoke A baby’s risk for SIDS triples if Mother smokes both during pregnancy and after birth. And it doubles if baby is regularly exposed to secondhand smoke, so keep anyone lighting up far away from her. Use a Firm Mattress There’s a reason crib mattresses tend to be firm, they’re made to be the safest place for baby to sleep. So avoid letting her sleep on waterbed, beanbag, couch or cushy comforter – no matter how comfy they may seem. They’re all suffocation haz-ards. Skip crib bumpers, stuffed animals and pillows All that cute stuff looks great in catalogues, but remember that soft things can suffocate baby. Cot bumpers (a decorative piece of material around the inside of the cot) tend to be prevalent in Canada and the States and not in Europe, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. So if you think of buying one: a 2007 study found that crib bumpers caused suffocation or strangulation in some baby deaths. Is you must use bumpers, we recommends using ones that are thin, firm, well secured, and not pillow-like. When in doubt, skip the bumpers all together.

Keep the blankets lights and tight Don’t use a thick blankets or coverlets in the crib. Instead stick to thin receiving blankets and make precautions to keep them away from her face – either swaddling has like they do in the hospital or putting them over her from the chest down and tucking them around the mattress (which is recommended). Or, opt for a sleep sack, which allows baby to move around without the risk of covering her mount and nose.

Turn the thermostat down It’s normal to want to keep baby warm, but don’t let her overheat. Her comfort level is similar to yours so test the room for yourself. If you don’t need extra layers she probably won’t either. Con’t. p.32

Baby Basics


4 Volume 1, Issue 2– I-Parent

5

Love That Keeps on Growing By: Alesha Almata Now that your child is running in the playground triathlons and filibustering like a Premier, you may find yourself think-ing of babies again. Do you feel a little nostalgic of the stage your child just left behind? Adding a second child to your family involves more than thinking about parenting issues, such as sibling rivalry. It’s a good idea to consider the physical, financial, and emotional aspects when planning on having a baby again.

Physical Factors: Before having a baby once again, a woman needs to remember that the body needs time to get things back to normal. Pregnancy takes calcium and iron stores from a woman’s body, says Dr. Merrill-Nach. “Waiting is especially recom-mended for women who’ve had a [Caesarean section] because the uterus needs time to heal and become stronger. Otherwise, the uterine scar could tear.”

How long a woman should wait depends on her individual circumstances. A year is usually recommended, and the average inter-val between births is three years, says Merrill-Nach. However, if a woman has her first baby later in life, at age 40 or so, she probably shouldn’t wait a whole year between pregnancies, she adds.

Another factor to consider is how much work will be involved after a second baby arrives. If you’re having a baby close to the birth of your first child, taking frequent rests may not be in the playbook. “You won’t be able to nap when you’re tired if you’re already taking care of a baby,” says Merrill-Nach.

Your responsibilities and workload will also be greatly increased. “Managing two children will be exponentially harder,” says Diane Gehart, PhD, an associate professor of educational psychology at California State University, Northridge. The Age Issue: If parents are thinking about having a baby spaced far apart from the first child, then an issue might be mom and dad’s age. “There are two schools of thought on when to have a second child,” says Merrill-Nach. “Some say kids should be spaced apart by several years, but the fact is that changing diapers again after five years can be a rude awakening.” A lot de-pends on a couple’s individual preferences. “Think about what you want to do,” she notes. Con’t p.20, 21

Toddler to Preschool


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Toddler to Preschool

4 Things You Should Know About Sibling Rivalry By: Dr. Renaldo Mortimer

While many kids are lucky enough to become best of friends with their sib-lings, it’s common for brothers and sisters to fight. It’s also common for them to swing back and forth between adoring and detesting each other. Of-ten sibling rivalry starts even before the second child is born, and continues as the kids grow and compete for eve-rything from toys to attention. As kids reach certain stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly affect how they relate to one another. It can be upsetting and frustrating to watch and hear your kids fight with one another. A household full of conflict is stressful for everyone. Yet often it’s hard to know how to stop the fighting, or even whether you should get in-volved at all. But you can take steps to promoting peace in your household and help your kids get along. mood of your home.

1. Fuel to the Fire Sibling rivalry occurs when jealousy, competition and fighting take place amongst siblings. It is mostly confined to childhood, although sometimes adult sibling rivalries continue to occur. One of the main causes of sibling rivalry is that children compete for their parent's attention. They may feel the other child gets more attention or is loved more, and they take out those negative feelings on their sibling. As children mature, their needs change, and the things they fight about with their siblings change too. It's an evolving process as the children grow, but can be hard to listen to as a parent. The good news is that having siblings helps children learn life lessons such as cooperating and see-ing the other person's point of view. 2. Static Differences Position in the family, whether oldest or youngest, can also be a cause of sibling rivalry. The oldest may feel that more is expected of them; the youngest may spend never-ending energy trying to keep up with an older sibling. Gender plays a role, and as hard as parents may try, it's tough to treat children exactly the same without regard to their gender. As children grow, the difference in their ages may be more pronounced at times. A 5-year-old and 8-year-old might play fine together at times, but there's a more vast developmental difference when those same chil-dren are 10 and 13 years of age. 3. Stop Before it Starts No one can completely prevent sibling rivalry. But you may notice bickering more at certain times, such as when they are hungry, sleepy or when you're busy doing something else and can't devote your attention to them. Recog-nizing these times will help you to be proactive in meeting their underlying needs. Don't compare your children to one another. Celebrate their uniqueness and their individual strengths. Allow each child to have their own space and their own friends. Carve out one-on-one time for each parent to spend with each child. Implementing some of these sibling rivalry solutions might lead to more peace between siblings. 4. When to Step in When conflicts invariably arise, resist the urge to jump in a mediate. Part of the life lesson that comes from sibling rivalry is learning to manage conflict. Step in if the situation turns to name calling and physical fighting, but only to help the children to work through their issues in a more positive manner. If you separate them to their own spaces until they've cooled down or avoid revisiting the issue, they won't learn the proper way to handle their emotions.


7

But He Can Read On His Own… WHY PARENTS STILL NEED TO READ TO OLDER CHILDREN By: Alesha Almata

Education

When we were babies we wore out - Goodnight Moon. As toddlers they saw Dr. Seuss more that their medical practitio-ner, and to help them grow solo we listened patiently to their solemn reading of the Bob books or something like them. With all that reading behind us, surely our job is done right? Don’t count on it . Dr. Marsha Roit of McGraw Hill points to today’s reality: Fami-lies spend more time together in front of the TV than they do with a book. “Parents need to continue to be a reading model for their children. They need to read, and be seen reading; they need to continue shared reading with their children and talk about what is being read,” Roit says, echoing what every classroom teacher knows. You may be surprised by the benefits of reading to older children, as well as the ideas from reading experts and local moms that make it fun for everyone. Quality Time Together The No 1 benefit of reading to your older child is the steady stream of quality time it provides. Al-ways remember, that it is the experience – not the book – that matters. Many older children enjoy hear-ing their parents read simply because of the time and place of the experience. Reading time is intimate time that they can spend with their parents. Some older children may have trouble asking for physical intimacy from parents, as if they imagine that older children shouldn’t want hugs and kisses. Michelle Davidson of Markham, still reads to her 9 year old daughter, Brooklyn. “Reading to your older children gives them the attention they need and helps you both to pull away from the daily grind and focus solely on your child. When you’re reading to them, they have your full attention and you have theirs.” Lisa Ashbey is a mother of 10 year old Ryan and 6 year old Samantha in Richmond Hill Even with Ryan now in fifth grade, they still snuggle each night to share their love of fantasy lit-erature.

“It’s a way for us to share common ground and bond over exciting adventures, chapters you just can’t put down, and story lines that are way over the top,” says Ashbey. There’s a connection to childhood, which older children find through reading together. An older child especially, will relish this experience as a luxury and a treat – almost a guilty pleasure, like the old beaten –up stuffed animal under the covers. All readers can improve Reading to children who are struggling to master the skill helps by exposing them to books, ideas and story structures that are be-yond their own reading level. Reading to children who are strong readers has advantages as well. It’s important for parents to do part of the “work” to keep their chil-dren excited about reading. Kids consider it a treat. They can get through a longer story, with more complex plots than they could perhaps read themselves. And they have someone they can dis-cuss the book with someone that makes any book infinitely more interesting. Don’t underestimate the emotional power of one-on-one attention from a busy parent, in a cozy setting, without having to perform. A great discussion starter Another benefit is the discussion that surrounds reading together. You can actually use books as your weapon to fight some of the less attractive aspects of today’s culture. One of the best benefits is that we have a wonderful context for family conversations about all kinds of issues. We can talk about right and wrong in the con-text of our common experience of the stories we read together. Con’t. p.25


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By: Monica Santangelo Recently, after a visiting their father in London, my two children became acutely aware of their mixed cultures. When in London living under the British culture they eat beans for breakfast with their father. While in London visiting their Dad's friends and relatives, they learned of his West Indian roots, and the two Caribbean countries represented in his family.

Like many children, mine are a mix of cultures, and many others (maybe even yours) are a different mix of races and ethnicities. And why not? We are a nation of immigrants.

The good news is that we now live in a world where faraway lands aren’t quite so, well, faraway. And even I realized I, being a Black Canadian, had not taught my children much about their West Indian parentage on their father’s side. How can I raise a culturally conscious child--one that has pride in their own and appreciation for other cultures?

Appreciate culture through food: Whether you’re teaching your child about your own culture or other cultures, making food together is a nice and inexpensive way to do that. I also attempt to replicate delicacies from all over the world. Shrimp curry from Thailand, anyone? What about avocado cucumber rolls from Japan? Some good sites for recipes are: allrecipes.com, about.com/food and foodnetwork.com. We also venture out and

foods from other cultures. I often find that waiters are more than happy to answer questions about the history of a cer-tain dish, how to eat it, or make recommendations. An eth-nic restaurant is also a good place to be a spectator on the country’s customs. For example, how do they greet each other?

Attend cultural events: Local festivals and parades are a great way to see how people from different countries cele-brate their culture. We love to do this. Often, there are also vendors selling their crafts and food at these events. You’d be surprised how much fun attending a Chinese New Year’s celebration can be.

Find cultural hubs: Why not head to your nearby Little Italy or Little India? What about a Chinatown? Venture into the shops and check out their wares.

Dig up some interesting factoids: My son loves science and anything about the planets and stars. So I try to find interesting facts or contributions by people from certain countries—and a few from the countries represented in our family. My daughter is a dance buff, so music is a great entry point with her. But you can do the same with mathe-matical concepts, sports, architecture and the arts.


Raising a Culturally Conscious Kid Feature

Feature

11

Preteen & Teen

Is It Smart To Act Dump? HOW TO COPE WITH GIRLS WHO WORRY THAT BOYS ARE TURNED OFF BY THEIR INTELLIGENCE By: Marcus Chandasekharan

Think back to when you were in high school: Did you ever “dumb-down” to get a date with that jock you had a crush on? Do today’s girls still compromise their smarts to snare their dream boys? Even in this new millennium, girls wonder: Do boys prefer un-brainy girls? And they start this wondering when they’re barely out of middle school. For those parents with tweens and teens ‘Yes’ your daughter does ask the question: Is being smart an asset or liability for a female in the quest for love? In other words, do girls still fear that being brainy will make them unattractive to the opposite sex? Young women just out of high school become highly emotional on the subject: remember these comments – “I never dated in high school,” “I never got asked out by a guy I’d always been at the top of my class.” “ I didn’t have a Prom date. Coincidence? Boys asked for my help, used me for my skils, but never bothered to get to know who I really was.” Other girls have echoed this experience. For instance a young brunette uttered these word, “Where I live, the area is full of blond idiots even those girls have to be smart to get into university. But I have learned that I can’t hold an intelligent conversation with many of them because, they like to act like dummies be-cause guys like that.” Remember our girls don’t know it all Do boys really prefer bimbos to brainy chicks? Girls seem to agree that boys only want a dumb, buxom blond. It is unfortunate that when we look more closely at these assumptions, they may be partly true, but not altogether on target.

Boys of a certain age tend to be intimidated by smart, over-achieving girls; but not exclusively. All girls scare boys. Our daughters rarely realize this fact. Two experts on boys, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson, authors of Raising Cain: Protecting The Emotional Life of Boys, explained the basics in their book: “In our talk with boys, we found that many of them are in awe of girls; curious about sex and baffled by girls; frightened by their own inexperience and often unsure of themselves. In the adolescent male culture of cruelty, boys feel they have to talk about power. Much of it is in response to the impres-sive physical presence, social power and perceived sexual aggression of adolescent girls.” In other word, boys shudder at the presence of girls. Because of a girls confidence, their sensuality, their developing sexuality – and nearly every other detail, including intelligence. Adolescent boys are driven by these insecurities. Does this mean a boy should be smarter than his girlfriend? Should he be better at sports? Walk taller? A yes, yes and yes might make a boy feel less petrified, especially during the self-conscious tween and teen years.


12

Preteen & Teen Power

Reassure your daughter, though, that boys do grow into savvy men who value a girl’s competence and ac-complishments. Truth be told, young men do want high-achieving women. In a research done in New York of young men aged 19 to 35 years old of varying ethnici-ties and races found they desired mates that they were willing to marry would have more education than they had achieved, not less. In addition , they valued a women’s ability to hold a steady job more than her age, religion or race. Girls misunderstand, Girls misunderstood Girls on the cusp of early adolescence may not neces-sarily reject academic achiever status deliberately so as not to turn off boys. To be sure, some may. How-ever, many – if not most – simply become preoccupied with boys, and their studies suffer temporarily. Middle school romantics get addicted to what he said and what she said, endlessly pecking and analyzing. Their scholastic lapses can be chalked up to being distracted, not dumbing down. However, underperforming boys may be more uncom-fortable than ever before around high-achieving girls. And high-performing girls may be overly sensitive to the failing of boys. This could translate into a willing-ness not to how they act up in the classroom, and spill over into how they act socially. What can parents of smart girls do? We can all agree that girls should not act dumber in order to get the guy. It’s worth having conversations about this phenomenon. Where should you begin? Watch our for any signs of “dumbing-down” in your daughter’s behaviour or among her peers. Survey the girls: Do you ever feel you should hide your intelligence? Do your girlfriends? Then explain how boy-girl relationships are complicated during the tween years. Boys are tentative, and this may have nothing to do with girl’s grades. Lots of confusions swirl between them and among the genders as they begin to socialize. Once a girl comprehends how intimi-dated boys are when it comes to girls, she will be less inclined to blame brains. Finally, reassure your girls that boys appreciate girls who aspire to be all they can be. The mes-sage girls need to hear is simple:

Be who you are. Reach for your full potential in life

and in love. The two are not mutu-ally exclusive.

A boy who is not comfortable with your intellect is not the equal you need.

Your final words should be: “Great boys come to smart girls who wait.”


13

Family Health

family dinner: It Really Does Keep Kids Straight By: Ira Schwartz If you want to keep your kids and teens away from sex, drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, set the table. Nothing keeps youngsters on the straight and narrow better than family meals. The U.S. National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University published a study showing that teens who had two or fewer family meals per week were twice as likely to have tried cigarettes as teens who had five or more weekly fam-ily meals. Teens who rarely ate with their families also were one and a half times more likely to have tried alcohol and twice as likely to have smoked marijuana.

You’re sitting, you’re talking, you’re bonding, you’re building camaraderie. You’re definitely forgoing the television, the tele-phone and the computer games. You make the family a priority. Your kids are more likely to say no to drugs if they realize how important they are to you and you actually spend more time getting to know the daily on goings of your child’s life through constant communication. The benefits of eating with the kids go beyond protection from booze and drugs. According to the U.S. National Centre, teens who eat at least five meals a week with their families also have higher grades in school, stronger friendships with their peers and healthier eating habits. For many families, gathering everyone around the able at the same time is tough. Approximately 58 percent of teens eat with their families at least five times a week. Those who don’t, say it’s because one or both parents work late. It Is highly recom-mended that these parents try to take small steps toward in-creasing family time. If you are not having family meals, then start with one a week. Make it more than just a time to stop your stomach from growl-ing. Focus on having a conversation. Kids need to feel like they belong. Know that your family meal gives your kids a connec-tion to the family.

The Lunchbox Beverage By: Patricia Garner To juice box or not to juice box… that is the ques-tion? School's back in session, and I can almost guarantee that for the next 187 days, one thing you're going to be thinking about is your kid’s lunch box and what’s going inside of it! I usually start thinking in my head the night before, wondering what exactly I am going to put in my son’s lunch box that's A. healthy, B. nutritious, and the all-important C. he’s going to eat! Well, let me absorb part of your concern right here and now, and give you one less part of the lunch box to think about: what your child drinks! It's probably one of the most important parts of the lunch box, because when our kids are running around on that playground for 45 minutes, they’re going to need plenty of hydration and they’re gonna need it fast! We all know that when our kids are at school, the last thing they’re thinking about is making sure they get enough fluids! And as parents, the last thing we want to give to our kids are drinks that are filled with sugar, high car-bohydrates and calories! So when summer started this year, I made a vow to myself (and my kid) that I was going to spend the summer on the hunt for the best drinks to pack in my kids lunch box…because this school year, we are going to be healthy! There I stood with them in the supermarket, in a seemingly end-less aisle filled from top to bottom with all kinds of boxed juices, flavored waters and so on. We tried just about every drink out there, and let me tell you some of these companies REALLY try to fool you with the wording on the FRONT of the labels! It’s the BACK of the labels that you truly have to read! There are things to look out for and red flags that are just no-no’s! Here it is… an official guide to lunchbox drinks: WATER First and foremost, let me say WATER! WATER! WATER! WA-TER! It’s the best option for your kids. It’s filled with minerals and is the only beverage that can absolutely give your children the hydration that they need. Children are still growing and developing new cells every day, and water helps aid this proc-ess. One sure fire way to get your kids to drink water is to do this: get a bottle of water and put it in the freezer the night be-fore. Put it in the lunch box the next day and it serves a dual purpose. Not only will it be a great ice cold drink that will be melted just perfectly by the time lunchtime swings around, but if you pack a cheese stick or some cut up carrot sticks and ranch, it’ll keep them perfectly cold and crisp! MILK Milk is another great option for the lunch box. When giving your kids milk, try to go for low-fat or 2% options. Whole milk just has far too much fat and calories for your little ones… way more than they need in fact. My son happens to love Horizon Or-ganic Milk Boxes. They come in a few different flavors: Origi-nal, Chocolate, Strawberry & Vanilla. They are also chock full o’ VITAMINS & CALCIUM! Vitamin D is actually really impor-tant for helping the body absorb calcium. And we all know, cal-cium is good for those growing bones! The best part about these milk boxes is that they can be stored in your pantry until you are ready to drink them! Con’t. p.15


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Family Health

A big no-no to watch out for is that some milk companies will try to add sugar or high fructose corn syrup. Your best bet is unflavored milk...but if you must go with a flavor, it’s still better than nothing! JUICE Oh juice. Sweet juice. Juice was one of our biggest chal-lenges this summer. I’m not lying when I say that I was actu-ally on the hunt for a healthy juice drink for my kids! And I think we succeeded in finding the perfect balance between great taste for them and without an overload of sugar, carbs and calories! Some of the things I found out while I was researching is that our food administration does not consider anything other than 100% fruit juice as a serving of fruit. So this would be the time to check the outside of the box and read it front (and back) - a lot of times things say made with REAL FRUIT but in reality you’re probably getting only about 10% of something that might have resembled a fruit at some point! It has to say 100% JUICE. We narrowed our search down to two! The first one was JUICY JUICE. It actually is made from 100% Juice and is packed with flavor! So if you have a picky eater that really isn’t into fruit… this is a great way to sneak some in! The grape and apple are my kids' favorite. One of the things I did with the juice box was to put it in the freezer overnight. Then in the morning, I put it in a zip lock bag (to catch any drippies) and it was like a fruit slushee! There’s no extra sugars or flavors added to this and that makes it a-ok in my book! They love it! I love it. The other one that we had a unanimous "yes it’s yummy and yes it’s healthy" agreement on was from POM WONDER-FUL. It’s a new drink called LITE POM. Now before you freak out and say my kid is NOT going to drink straight pomegranate juice… pump the brakes and listen up.


This is probably one of their favorite drinks and mine too! It’s 100% pomegranate juice (which we all know is like the best ever antioxidant for our bodies) and it’s mixed with real fruit juices- like blackberry and dragon fruit. It’s a lighter, sweeter tasting beverage and comes in a fantastic bottle. Yes, the bottle was attrac-tive to the kids - hey, packaging works too! Plus, there are ZERO added sugars or additives too, which is great!

THINGS NOT TO PACK: Let’s be straight… we know what not to pack. Of course you aren’t going to put a soda in your kids lunch box because you know that it’s just filled to the brim with high fructose syrup, calories and other things you really don’t even want to be giving them. Of course you also aren’t going to be giving things with tons of caffeine or coffee to your little ones either- that Frappuccino, as tasty as it might be on a Saturday afternoon when mom or dad goes by Starbucks and gives them a little treat is the biggest NO on my list. Also energy drinks… Red Bull, Energy Booster, etc… Do I need to list the reasons? Choosing a healthy drink for your kid's lunch box is as important as picking out what they’re going to eat! They’re so limited on time and let’s face it, they’d rather be out on that playground! So considering the little bit of attention that they're give to their lunch, you want to make sure the drink is a healthy option loaded with nutrients, vitamins and most of all hydration so you can maximize it to the fullest! The key is to avoid drinks with too much sugar or too many calories!

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Feature

How Do You Help Your Frustrated Child By: Dahlia S. Webb

Many people struggle to cope with frustration, the stuck feeling of being unable to achieve a goal, anxiety, and the fear of danger. Fortunately, there are many psychological techniques for handling the stress caused by frustration and anxiety. Some people are born with temperaments that make them prone to anxiety and frustra-tion.

Children can become easily frustrated. Frustration can be a result of difficulties with schoolwork, a game they are playing or even their performance with music or sports. Children under the age of seven or eight years old may not have developed the language skills to effectively articulate why they are frustrated. Older children or teens, although they can articulate their feelings, they may not know what to do to overcome that frustration. By working with your children to help them understand, articulate, and overcome their frustrations, they will be better prepared to manage their frustra-tions when you are not around and when they are adults.

1. Help your child articulate the cause of their frustrations and tell them that everything will be okay. For younger children who only recognize being mad, sad, or happy you might want to purchase a poster that illustrates different emotions with facial

expressions. 2 Have your child try some relaxation techniques; e.g. taking a

deep breath and letting it out slowly, counting to ten, or even listening to some soothing music for a while.

Anything to take your child's mind off of the cause of their frus-tration for a few minutes and give them a chance to relax.

3 Explain to your child that frustration can make it harder to com-plete a task because they cannot think clearly. Offer to help your child, no matter what their age is, with their schoolwork, etc. If they do not want your help, let your child know that if they cannot figure out an assignment, or they begin feeling frustrated again, that you are available to help out and that all they need to do is to approach you with a request for help.

4 Depending on the task that is causing your child's frustration you may want to have them get up and walk away from the activity until they have time to calm down and relax. 5 Always remember to make your child part of the solution. This

helps them learn how to deal with frustration and pressure on their own. It also helps them learn about making good choices.

Be their guide, their nurturer, and their teacher so they will learn how to deal with stressors when you cannot be there, whether that is at school, on the playground, or at home. Let your children know that you, also, become frustrated at times. Give them some examples and tell them how you dealt with the situation.

Always have a child remove themselves from the situation, whether homework, a game, a video game, etc. in order to calm themselves down before the situation escalates and gets out of control. Childhood is full of frustrating moments. Life is designed life in such a way as to guarantee that kids will have their wishes denied many times a day. Children are small; physically disadvantaged; in need of support that isn't always available; and forever seeking all sorts of things their caretakers determine aren't good for them.

As loving adults, we hate it when kids cry, and we'll jump through hoops to keep their tears at bay. We buy them the toys they can't live without, force their big sisters to play Bar-bies with them, or let them stay up late even though we know they'll be tired the next day. We justify these manipulations of people, events, and rules in the false belief that when we eliminate our children's frustrations, we're demonstrating our love. But the truth is, when we prevent kids from experiencing frustration, we're keeping them from developing the vital life skill of adaptation, which they'll need throughout their lives.

Let Them Have Their Tears Rather than coldly admonishing children to "deal with it" when they're upset, adults need to help frustrated kids along to what psychologist Gordon Neufeld calls the Wall of Futility. Children need to feel their real feelings of sadness and find their tears. And when they, with your help, can come to their tears about whatever they want and can't have, or whatever is broken and can't be fixed, they become able to move on — to adapt.

When we prime children's tears, softening our voices and ac-knowledging how hurt they're feeling because big sister said "I don't want to play with you," we help their disappointment find expression and release. Once the tears come, children are soon off and running, looking for something or someone else to play with, but this time with one more successful adaptation under their belts. They have discovered that while life may not always unfold to their liking, they can adapt and find their way back to joy. When we intervene because kids are frustrated — although we do it out of love — we prevent them from learning the lesson of adaptation. As a result, when they experience something up-setting later in life, either they will demand that circumstances bend to their will or they will become aggressive. They may become adults who cannot cope when things don't conform to their liking — like people who demand recompense when they're disappointed or who numb themselves with substances or distractions so they can endure life's more difficult mo-ments. Think about difficult times in your own life. Whether it's a rela-tionship, a promotion, or a million other circumstances that don't unfold as we had hoped, our ability to live joyful and suc-cessful lives depends on our ability to adapt. Often it's only when we find our tears, when we hit the Wall of Futility, that we can move on. One of the greatest gifts we can give kids is the ability to find their tears when they're frustrated. Con’t. p.23


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Raising Children Who Care: Volunteering Ideas for Kids By: Nora Camacho At some point during the parenting journey, many moms and dads find they look at their children and think, "You kids don't know how good you have it. There are children without homes, clothes, or food, yet you seem less than grateful for all of the things you have." Maybe you've actually voiced these opinions (loudly, even!) to your kids. It's true—so many of our nation's children have little reason to under-stand the comfortable lives they lead. There is, however, a way to help children learn about a world beyond their wants and desires: Volunteering.

Before you have visions of dragging your children to a seedy part of town to work at a soup kitchen, relax. Volunteer op-portunities exist that are suitable for all ages and interests. Getting children involved in volunteering is an ideal way to expand their awareness of the world.

Ken Bentley, administrator of the Nestle Very Best in Youth Program, says, "By volunteering, young people experience the many blessings that come with giving service to others. They also learn important life skills like being responsible, organization, leadership, and a caring spirit."

Many schools now require students to participate in volun-teer activities as a graduation requirement. It's one thing to see a starving child on TV, rummaging through scraps in a dump in India, but when your children meet a child living in a homeless center in their own community, suddenly poverty becomes real.

Not all volunteer activities need to involve "serious" situations. Consider the family that established a routine of staying after church for 30 minutes each Sunday. They went to the church nursery and disinfected the baby toys to reduce the spread of germs. A simple act such as washing teething rings helps children see their efforts contribute to a better environment for babies.

Looking for practical ways to get children involved in volunteering? Try some of these ideas:

Bedtime Snack Sacks: While most kids enjoy a bedtime snack, children living in homeless shelters seldom have that treat. With your kids, decorate a number of lunch bags with markers, sequins, and glitter. Fill each bag with a juice pack and non-perishable treat such as a granola bar, packaged crackers, or dried fruit. Add a small "Happy Meals" type toy as a surprise. De-liver the snack sacks to a women's shelter. For privacy reasons, your child may not actually see any residents at the shelter. The experience should foster some meaningful conversation with older kids about why the shelter exists and how it's supported, while younger children will feel good knowing they helped another.

Dog and Cat Fun: Local humane societies look for volunteers to walk their dogs. See if your family can register as dog walk-ers. You'll get exercise along with the dogs! Kids can also collect old towels and newspapers to donate to shelters to use for animal care.

Many senior citizens cherish their pets. Seniors on limited incomes often have difficulty paying for pet food and supplies. How about getting your children to collect pet food and then donate it to a senior center? One family I know got out their trusty red wagon and went door to door in their neighborhood, asking pet owners to donate food. (Ask people without pets if they can make a cash donation.)

Outdoor Clean-Up: Contact your local Parks and Recreation department to see if they need help on trail clean-up. Kids can help staff create trails, plant flowers, and maintain park facilities. One park in Bellingham, Washington, uses volunteers with don-keys to clear trails!

Road Runs: Offer to be a volunteer with a local road run or sports event. Organizers always need people to take registration or to distribute T-shirts. Children can pass out water or even hold the ribbon at the finish line. Con’t. p.19

Together Time


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Entertainment: Do your children have dramatic or musical talents? Have them practice a skit, song, or musical piece. Offer to present a "talent show" to a local nursing home.

Coupon Collecting: Look through newspapers and magazines and collect coupons for groceries and household supplies. Ask your neighbors to contribute some also. When you have a bundle of coupons, donate them to a shelter to help stretch their budget.

Decorating Delight: Volunteer to decorate for seasonal activities at nursing homes or group homes. You can purchase inexpensive streamers, balloons, and decorating supplies—and for a personal touch, kids can make some of their own decorations. Even toddlers can help out with paper chains or adding their own artwork.

Reading Fun: Check if the local library needs help with reading programs. Children can make posters about upcoming events or dress as a storybook character. Additionally, older kids may read to seniors at nursing homes or to someone who has lost his or her vision.

Volunteer Center: See if your community has a volunteer center. These facilities usually have a list of organizations that are looking for volunteers.

When children volunteer, they often find themselves in a position where responsibility is required. Did they sign up to plant flowers at the community center? Then it's important they follow planting and watering instructions. At the turn of the century, children knew they were needed to help plant crops and take care of livestock—but as children volunteer today, there's a newfound sense of being needed. Chil-dren gain self-confidence when they know they've made a real contribution to a volunteer project. The Search Institute in U.S.A. reports that youth who volunteer just one hour a week are 50 percent less likely to abuse drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes or engage in destructive behavior. Could it be that youth involved in volunteer work have self-confidence to make positive choices?

Volunteering also puts children in contact with other adults to serve as positive role models. As children work side by side with grownups on volunteer projects, they observe adults giving time and effort to worthwhile causes. Instead of looking up to a rock star advocating skimpy outfits and numerous marriages, your children just might say," Mom, Mr. Stevens is so cool! Do you know he helps sick eagles and hawks at the bird sanctuary?"

As with all new experiences, it can be scary starting to volunteer. Children usually find themselves out of their comfort zone and may need reassurance. It won't be long though, until children realize the inner satisfaction that comes from helping people, animals, or the environ-ment—and if you also get involved in volunteering, they'll benefit from time spent with you, too!

Volunteerism is the way to go!


Together Time

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Love That Keeps on Growing

Sibling Rivalry: When a second baby is on the way, parents can help their first child prepare for his new role, says Gehart. Tactics to minimize sibling rivalry include having the older sibling help with setting up the nursery or with newborn care, even something simple like handing mom or dad wipes.

It’s also a good idea to keep kids involved in their normal activities. “Usually, the mother is handling a lot of the newborn care,” says Gehart. “Moms should set aside some special quality time with an older child and express how much they care.” Empha-size that this intense period of caregiving is temporary, and that things will change as the baby gets older and is able to eat and sleep better.

Another great way to minimize sibling rivalry is by doing "big kid" activities with the older child, says Gehart. Of course, going through all those steps doesn’t change the fact that there is a little person who has to come first. “My son says, ‘I wish I was still the only child’ in the same breath as he says ‘I love her,’” says Skaller.

With time, the sibling will learn to accept the shift in family dynamics, and even relish his new role as the older child. “The other day, when the baby was crying and I couldn’t get to her right away because I was making my son’s lunch, my son tried to soothe his sister and said, ‘Sometimes you have to think about the other child,’” recounts Skaller.

Having a Baby Again: Family and Financial Factors

When thinking about having a baby close to the birth of a first child, parents should consider whether they will be able to afford to have two kids in college at the same time, says Merrill-Nach. That can take a big toll on a family’s finances.

There are other financial factors in play as well. Skaller and her husband decided that it wouldn’t make financial sense for her to go back to work after their second child was born. “I had to give up a teaching job that I loved, but it just didn’t make sense financially to pay for daycare when I wasn’t making enough money,” she explains.

Parents should also think about emotional factors and family dynamics before adding a second child. Having a second child is a decision best made after considering physical, financial, and even emotional factors. Once all things are considered, adding that second child will undoubtedly be as joyous as the first.


21

As your little one becomes a more self-sufficient toddler, many parents wonder about having another. Or you may wonder about giving your child a life companion who will be there with her through thick and thin. Life has an interesting way of rebalancing parent-child interactions as your child’s needs change. Your child may not need you less but she needs you in a different way. In some ways, she needs you to be distracted from the previously all-consuming fo-cus on her. Your toddler/preschooler needs to move toward greater independence. A new baby in the house creates those opportunities. With a new baby, you aren’t taking something away from your first born. You give your child far more – the chance to love and be loved by a new person. First your child must know that her needs will also be met, though not in the same way as the baby’s needs. And second, your child needs to know that she never leaves her babyhood behind. She carries it within her like a pre-cious bundle of perfect love. Your toddler/preschooler wants to know how the new baby will change her life. Routines will be different and you will be differ-ent. And of course, the baby will be very different. While you won’t know exactly how life will change, prepare your toddler/preschooler as best as possible.

Think ahead of what your older child can do with the baby. Tell your child how and when she can hold the baby,

how and when she can help feed the baby, how and when she can help change the baby, and how and when to play with the baby.

Check in with your older child before feeding, changing, bathing the baby. Five minutes with your older child can buy you 20 uninterrupted minutes with the baby.

Create new one-on-one routines with your older child. A mini story-time to read a book together in the rocking chair or a book together in the rocking chair or a special dance song every day at 4p.m. Give this time a special name and a special place. The experience will be more concrete for your child and more personal.

Be honest when you’re tired or when you’re busy – young children can easily misinterpret other people’s emotions. If you find you’re too tired or too busy for your older child, it may be time to ask for some help.

Expect regression: Older siblings may also regress back to baby behaviour with the arrival of a baby in the house – they may want bottles, pacifiers, diapers or baby toys long forgotten. Sometimes, this is attention-getting behaviour because they see the baby receiving so much attention. In addition to positive are appropriate attention, try to give your older child a vivid sense of her growth from babyhood to childhood.

Emphasize that she was your “first baby” and not just a big girl or a big sister. Make a photo book of her babyhood. Use photos of her at the hospital, getting a bath, being fed, asleep in the crib.

Parents should also think about emotional factors and family dynamics before adding a second child. Having a second child is a decision best made after considering physical, financial, and even emotional factors. Once all things are considered, adding that second child will undoubtedly be as joyous as the first.


23

Feature


Tears actually release stress hormones and toxins — Mother Nature knows what she's doing. On the other hand, unresolved frustration produces aggression. Verbally or physically, children who don't get what they want and lack the ability to adapt will become aggressive. And when we "up the ante" and punish kids by taking more and more things away, we simply move them toward either increasing their ag-gressive behavior or hardening their hearts. How to Approach Frustrated Kids When children are frustrated, it's not a good time to teach, advise, or lecture. They cannot process what you're saying when they're upset, and your onslaught of words just aggravates them more. Think of it this way: Language is a function of the left brain, but feel-ings originate in the right. When children are stuck in the storm of emotions whirling around in their right brains, they don't have access to their verbal, logical left brains, which might be able to make sense of your well-meaning suggestions. Trying to cool kids down with rational suggestions is like knocking on a door when nobody's home. Parents and grandparents often miss the forest for the trees, wanting kids to be happy in the moment, without considering the cost. When children grow up believing they can really be happy only if life unfolds in the par-ticular way they want it to, they become adults unable to cope with experiences outside their control, and suffer as a result. Parents and grandparents who help kids learn the life skill of adaptation give them the means to be happy regardless of whether the world conforms to their expectations. Yes, It Works Not long ago, my son was urged to attend an extended-family member's birthday party on the very last day of the school year. I was aware that he and his buddies had lined up something fun to do, but I stayed out of it, leaving the decision to him. He decided to go to the birthday, and when we passed by some of his friends on their way to an end-of-school celebration, I asked him if he was okay with not hanging out with his bud-dies. "There will be other times, Mom. I'm cool." It was as simple as that. The kid had surpassed his mom in his ability to slip right into adaptation. He insists on enjoying his life and has chosen not to "sweat the small stuff." When we raise kids by modeling our own adaptation and help them "hit the wall" when they're stuck, we equip them with the ability to surf life's ups and downs with their eye on the prize — enjoying every moment of their precious lives. Frustration in School Some kids are naturally easy-going, compliant, and adaptable. With very little input from you, they come home from school, sit right down, and do their home-work. If they encounter a problem they can't solve, or read a passage they don't understand, they're able to ask for help. Other kids are not as even-keeled. Their moods are quick to change, their tempers are volatile, and they are easily frustrated. They often complain that their homework is too hard or too boring. If they encounter difficulties before you have a chance to in-tervene, they have a meltdown. Their low frustration tolerance makes homework a battleground.

If you have an easily frustrated child living under your roof, here are a few simple measures you can try to break the cy-cle of negativity revolving around homework. Tip #1 – Begin With An Easy Assignment — When your child is ready to begin homework, help her number the as-signments in the order in which they'll be completed. The first item on her to-do list should be the assignment perceived to be the easiest or the most enjoyable. For example, if your mathematically-inclined child comes home with spelling, math, and reading homework, tackle the math assignment first. This simple strategy puts kids in the right frame of mind from the start. They are less likely to procrastinate and are in a positive mindset when they approach harder assignments later on. Tip #2 – Break It Down — Help your child break work down into manageable chunks. Use Post-it arrow flags. Place one at the starting point and another part way through the assign-ment. Explain, "All you have to do is start here and end there. Come and show me your work when you're done." Visual learners especially like this approach. Help your child to get started. Observe the completion of the first item so that you are sure it is done accurately. Then, set the timer for anywhere from six to sixteen minutes (it's more interesting than five to fifteen). Encourage your child to work as hard as possible during this brief time to get over the hump. Use color. Color code the symbols in math (red for addition, blue for subtraction, green for division, etc.). Start with the "green" problems or give a choice of order. Cover the bottom portion of the worksheet or put an index card over the more difficult problems. Complete only the visi-ble part first. Tip #3 – Take A Break From Power Struggles — What should you do when you realize that a disagreement is be-coming a power struggle? Extricate yourself ASAP by taking a quick break. Use these words: "Let's take a 30 minute break. I'll be back at 2:34 pm." Be specific about time. "We're both upset. Let's grab a quick snack and then talk about a compromise." Tip #4 – Create a Checklist — Some children need and crave more structure than others. Parents of these young-sters often find that daily routines, rewards, and conse-quences are just the ticket to good behavior. In other words, your child should always know what to expect and should be clear about incentives and consequences even before she begins schoolwork. You can do this by creating a homework checklist. First, think about what you want your child to do and narrow the list down to two to four homework-related tasks. Now, determine what it will take to motivate your child. For many kids, it's "screen time" — the use of the computer, cell phone, and video games. If you are going to use screen time or an-other privilege as a reward, be sure it's not available at any other time during the day. Finally, record any other rules below the checklist. You can come up with your own ideas, but remember, that once your child earns the reward, you cannot take it away. For example, if she earns 30 minutes of screen time, but then hits her sister, I don't recommend taking the earned privilege away. Instead, consider another consequence such as a time out. With a little creativity and patience success will follow.

How Do You Help Your Frustrated Child...


Family Health

Infancy Is No Time For Dieting By: Marianne Rogers Scientists searching for the key to shrinking Canadians’ waistline are turning their attention toward our youngest heavyweights – infants under six months old. Recently, research has shown that infants are heavier that ever before and fat babies are likely to grow into fat adults. But don’t worry if your baby looks like tomorrow’s sumo superstar. Pediatri-cians are less concerned about baby fat than they are about parent putting their bulging babies on a diet. Key advice: do not place your baby on a diet. Nutrition that is provided in the first six months is critical for brain de-velopment, organ development and building strong bones. Between the years of 1980 – 2001 researchers at Harvard University found that over-weight babies under six months old grew from 3.4 percent to 5.9 percent. Along with that weight gain, the risk for becoming overweight later in life climbed from 7 to 11.1 percent. While baby fat maybe a factor in adult obesity, it is a small one. Far more important are the eating habits children pick up when they are old enough to choose what they eat. Parents should be concerned about being overweight in childhood. One of the best ways parents can minimize the risk of fu-ture weight problems in their infants is by breastfeeding. A German study recently revealed that breastfeeding for at least six months diminished children’s risk of becoming overweight later in life. Breastfeeding is a protective mechanism for infants.

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Education

But He Can Read On His Own… Reading together reinforces family bonds, especially with the older kids. It is another way to keep the lines of communica-tions open with your growing child especially when they are maturing and becoming less interested in general in sharing with their parents. Reading together gives your child another opportunity to bring up their own issues – everything from being picked on at baseball to a neighbour that makes them uncomfortable. And unlike a TV show or movie, it’s easy to stop the entertainment and start the parenting. There’s no shushing so you can hear the dialogue, no waiting on a commercial to start the conver-sation, and no rush to finish in exactly four minutes, 30 sec-onds. Making it fun Dr. Roit recommends that parent and children choose books together. To add variety of books and read alternate books chosen by either by the parent or child. When the demand of homework creeps in, then take turns reading from an as-signed book. It often helps to increase the interest in reading. A few tips to empower reluctant readers: parents buy your children gift cards to your local bookstore and then involve them in the planning. Your child can choose the date, the time or even the refreshments you share as you read aloud. Try not to force the classis on your child, eventually they will get around to reading them on their own. Know that for some kids it is difficult to simply sit and listen. Encourage your child to doodle, draw, build, fiddle with a squeeze ball. For many kids, this increases their listening and focusing capacity. If a child is a doodler or rawer, it makes it more interesting to be drawing about what he is hearing. Watch for the delights of reading to older children. Your older child may lean on you, or put his head on your shoulder in a way he doesn’t do at any other time. Your child may connect with the book in a personal way, and then tell you something personal about himself. For parents of older children, reading together is one more opportunity to shower them with atten-tion. For the children, it’s one more opportunity to be a little kid before they have to be all grown up.


Keys to reading to older kids

Read with expression. Read a book that is above their reading level. Let kids doodle or fiddle with a pencil and paper while your read. Let your child pick the book.

Discuss the book before, during and after you read it. Take turns reading. Make reading together an excuse to stay up late. Buy two copies of the same book and try simultaneous

silent reading.

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Teaching Your Kids About Money By: IP Staff

Can you indulge your kids and still teach them to be responsible about money? Whether you've got a toddler or a teen, teaching kids how to spend and save money is one of the most important jobs you'll face as a parent. The lessons you impart now can have a huge impact on how hard your child works, whether or not they get into debt and how well they can budget and plan for the future. If recent surveys are any indication, kids can use the help. Few kids age 12 to 21 understand even basic financial terms, in a 2010 survey, only 12 percent could define the word budget. But kids certainly know what they want when it comes to money—they want more. Our consumer-driven society teaches them that material things will make them happy. As adults, we know that's not true, and it's our jobs to make sure our kids un-derstand that. Of course, a little overindulgence is perfectly natural, especially among this generation of super-involved par-ents. If your kid routinely wants the next great toy, video game player or trendy pair of shoes, and then grows tired of whatever it is they just bought within a few days, that's a sign you're erring on the side of spoiling them. What can you do to help your kids avoid this fate? These two easier-said-than-done rules of parenting can be the keys to success. First, set clear and consistent limits. When Dan Kindlon, a professor of psychology at Harvard University, surveyed nearly 1,100 par-ents and 700 teens, he found that kids who had consistent limits set for them on everything from swearing to playing violent video games were less likely to lapse into drug use and depression than teens without such restraints. These boundaries were far more important than the amount of money a family had. How can you make sure your kids grow up to know the value of a dollar, work hard, pay their bills, helps others and not be taken in by cons? Use these questions in your next Money Group to make sure you're sending your kids the right messages about money. 1. What's your money personality? Your spouse's? (Your attitudes toward money will naturally rub off on your kids. Be sure to recognize any hang-ups you might have that you don't want to pass along. 2. Do you and your spouse fight about money? If so, what kind of message do you think that sends to your kids? (A fight is different-than a disagreement. It's just as bad for your kids if they believe you're pushing your feelings under the rug and ceding to your spouse's every wish. They need to know they have a voice and it should be heard!) 3. What were your parents like with you about money? (The way you grew up can have a big effect on how you relate to your kids about money. If your folks counted every dime and made you crazy, you may easily compensate by overindulging your kids every time they want a new toy or DVD that, frankly, they probably don't need.) 4.If your child throws a fit in the toy store or at the candy counter, what do you do? It's so tempting to say yes to stop the tantrum, but that's such a bad idea. If you repeatedly give in, your kids won't learn there are limits to both the things they can have and the extent of your bank account.) 5.If your child forgets his sneakers at school on Friday, do you rush out to buy another pair so he or she will have them for the week end? (Teaching kids consequences is an important part of a financial education. If Mom doesn't open her wallet every time Junior gets in a jam, he'll learn the basics he needs to manage money responsibly.) 6.What does your child do with their allowance? Or the money they earn from odd jobs like babysitting or cutting lawns? Is he or she spending it all at once on junk or saving for a bigger, more important purchase? What do you think about their spending decisions? 7.When your child gets a birthday check from their grandparents or an extra $10 from a favorite aunt, what does he or she usually want to do with it? What do you suggest?Con’tp.27


Family Finances

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8. Your child wants an iPod and you quite simply can't afford it. What strategies do the two of you come up with to help him or her earn the money to buy it themselves?

9. Knowing your kids, what will be the biggest challenge you'll face when it comes to teaching them about money? 10. Who might be able to help you teach your kids about money? A trusted grandparent? A close friend of the family?

A responsible older cousin? Teaching kids about money is about more than just making sure they can balance a checkbook when they get older. With credit cards being offered to kids as early as high school, student loan debt on the rise and more adult children living off their parents than ever before, it's crucial to make sure that our children get a solid financial education. Get started on these three tasks and you'll build the foundation you need to raise money-savvy kids. 11. Start giving your child an allowance.

(Or if you're already giving an allow-ance, review your approach to make sure you're getting the most mileage out of this important tool.)Once kids have money of their own, they can begin to learn how to handle it. And you can stop paying for candy bars and DVDs. Many parents start with $1 a week in kinder-garten and go up by $1 a year through elementary school. For older kids, one of the best ways to determine how much to give them is to decide what the money is supposed to cover. If you want your teen to pay for school lunches, weekend outings and videos out of their allowance, you should make up a budget with them that includes those expenses and come up with a fair num-ber.Most experts recommend parents do not tie allowance to chores. Helping around the house should be your child's responsibility simply because they live in the house, not because they're getting paid to do it. You'll also avoid any arguments if your child de-cides they'd rather forgo the money than do the chores.That said, for special purchases that an allowance sim-ply won't cover, it is a good idea to pay your child for big jobs you might normally pay someone else to do, such as mowing the lawn, cleaning the garage and shoveling the sidewalk.And keep in mind, your child's money is theirs to spend as they please. It's fine to insist that they save part of it and give part of it to charity, as many fami-lies do, but if your daughter wants to blow her spending money on a really ugly skirt, you've simply got to live with it and let her make her own decisions.Debating about how much to give?

A. Get to the bank!Many banks still have low-minimum passbook savings accounts that are perfect for kids. Once your child's piggy bank is stuffed, take them to the nearest branch and help them fill out the paperwork to open an account. Then encourage them to deposit birthday money and other windfalls so they can watch their balance grow.With older kids, you can extend this lesson into stocks. Start tracking stocks you think your kids will be interested in (Disney, McDonalds, etc.) in the paper each day. You'll be surprised how fast your child picks up the basic concepts of the market. When they're ready, buy a few shares of the stocks they've been following in a custodial account at an online trading firm. Give your child the password so he or she can follow the portfolio regularly and make suggestions for what to buy next and when to sell

B. Encourage work.All your lessons will really kick in when your children start earning their own money. Ad-ditionally, working in high school and college—to the extent that it doesn't interfere with schoolwork—seems to pay off later in life. According to a Roper study, people who worked in high school are more likely to achieve their financial goals and be knowledgeable about money than those who did not.How can you en-courage your kids to get a job? Give them money only for the bare necessities and insist they earn the rest. Then help them with their job hunt—having them put the word out to friends and family that they are available and checking the local bulletin boards and newspapers for teen-appropriate positions. Be available to help them get where they need to be on time. And don't sabotage their ability to work by requiring them to do cer-tain chores, such as babysitting younger siblings, unless you're prepared to pay them for those hours your-self. Con’t. p.28


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Teaching your kids about money... An allowance in itself is the most important tool you can use to teach your kids how to be smart with their money. The big question is how much allowance to dole out while teaching this important lesson. As I said before, many parents start with $1 a week in kindergarten and go up by $1 a year through ele-mentary school. However, things get more complicated as your child gets older and wants more. Now is a great time to teach them a lesson in money management! Sit down with your child and fill out this allowance work-sheet to come up with an amount that suits you both. Second, teach your children to make good choices. Along with these basics, you'll want to give your kids a solid grounding in good money management throughout their childhood. You and your Money Group can use this guide to help you do just that. Start when your child is as young as 2 years old ("Do you want to wear the red T-shirt or the blue one?") and continue throughout their childhood, says parenting expert Elizabeth Crary. Be sure to add more choices as soon as they can handle them (usually age 4). And no matter what, once your kids make a decision, they have to live with it. They'll soon learn that there isn't always one clear, right choice, but that in many cases, there may be a choice that's better than the others.

By: Chrystal Saunders

Silly party hats, balloons, melted ice cream, pin the tail on the donkey. As children, it didn’t take much to create a celebration. What does it take today? Is it an “impossible to get” reservation at the newest restau-rant? Something sparkly in a small box? Maybe champagne and caviar? While those do make for a special time (especially that something sparkly) things seem to have gotten mixed up somewhere along the way. It is as though the delight we feel comes from the celebration itself, rather than a cele-bration being an expression of our pleasure. Do you remember the expression “jump for joy?” When was the last time you actually did that?

Do you still delight in simple pleasures? Do you do a happy dance just because? Do you jump up and down and yell “Whoo-Hoo?” Do you sing at the top of your lungs? Do you laugh and laugh and laugh? Do you free yourself of your inhibitions and celebrate being in the moment?

Most young children would be able to answer yes to those questions. They have the gift of being able to delight in the sheer pleasure of life and the ability to express that with wholehearted, energetic and enthu-siastic exuberance. Yes, we know you are no longer a child and things have changed. We know life is not as carefree as when you were young, that life is busy and stressful. But hope that in spite of it, we can in-spire you to rediscover the child we believe is still a part of all of us.

We’re not suggesting silly party hats (unless you want to wear one), but we would like to propose you consider the words of Mark Twain: “Dance like no-body’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”

The Hip Mom


29

You’re a Stay-at-Home Dad if you… By: Paul Humphrey

Jeff Foxworthy’s (comedian) one-liners aren’t sophisticated or thought provoking comedy, but his signature “You might be a……. jokes are often funny.

I decided to try my hand at Foxworthy’s shtick. I chose to poke fun at stay-at-home- dads (though many of the jokes apply to anyone who spends the majority of their time taking care of children).

Here’s how it’s going to work. I supply the one-liners, You follow up with the punch line “Youmight be a stay-at-home- dad….

Here goes:

If pajama pants complete your outfit…

If you’re surprised when you see moms from school wearing makeup…

If you regularly visit museums but never pay to get in…

If you rarely have more than $7 in cash in your wallet…

If once a week you hear someone say, “I want your job”…

If you wear your wedding ring to prove to other moms you really are married…

If your children follow a routine that makes penitentia-ry- life look haphazard…

If you regularly shower after 10 a.m….

If you can stare a misbehavin-g- child into submission from across the room…

If you instinctua-lly- fast forward all the scary parts of your son or daughter’s favorite movies...

If you’ve ever found naptime to be contagious…

If everyone at the grocery store knows your children’s names…

If the sleeves of your favorite NFL sweatshirt regularly smell like spit-up…

If other people’s children mistakenly call you “daddy”…

If you’ve ever looked at one of the Disney Princesses and thought, ‘that’s one lucky prince’…

If you’ve done the math to figure out the cost of each, individual diaper…

If in a room full of crying babies, you can single out the sound of your son or daughter…

If you’re careful not to criticize your wife’s parenting, and she’s equally careful not to criticizeyour cooking…

If you haven’t had a full night’s rest in months…

If you’ve ever changed a diaper on the floor of the men’s room while cursing the baby changingstation in the adjacent women’s room…

The Daddy Life


30

If people assume you’re unemployed…

If an internal clock starts running from the time Dora and Boots begin their adven-ture until thetime they sing, “We did it!”…

If you ask for a sample of American cheese every time you go to the deli…

If you know what a Gummy Vite is…

If you’re pals with more members of the women’s club at church and P.T.A. than your wife…

If you’ve ever turned down the baby monitor and turned up the television…

If you go to the bathroom in front of a curious audience…

If you think nursing bras are sexy…

And finally (drum roll, please)….

If you’ve ever looked the other way as your child eats something he or she found in a couch…

Thank you. Thank you. You’ve been a great audience. I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tipyour waitress.

The Daddy Life


Do Single Mothers Raise Bad

By: Donna de Levante Raphael

A boy being raised by a single mother can display identical mischievous

behavior as a peer from a dual parent family and his behavior will be sus-

pect; while the behavior of his peer from the "nuclear" family will be dis-

counted with a good natured "boys will be boys" attitude. The stigma our

society places on single mothers not only demoralizes the mother, who

presumably is doing her best with the challenges of parenting, but it also

labels the son. Parenting under most circumstances is challenging. To have

singular responsibility is already daunting; to be criticized unduly is discour-

aging. The reality of our society is, there are many single mothers trying

their best to cope with all aspects of parenting. They need the support and

respect of the community at large. To zero in on their sons upbringing with

ill conceived presumptions in a critical manner, is suggesting that there is

some lack or inferiority is not helpful. Boys need a parent who is loving,

supportive and empathetic to his needs. A parent who spends time with

him, instilling values, encouraging his interests and fostering his independ-

ence. Often a single mother is better able to do this. Without a spousal rela-

tionship to nurture, she can dedicate additional time and thought to her chil-

dren's needs. She does not have to compromise with conflicting ideas

about parenting sometimes present in dual parent families. Children of one

parent families often display a mature empathy for life's struggles as they

appreciate their single parent's efforts on their behalf. In nuclear families,

boys acquire their morals and values by observing and modeling the behav-

ior of both parents. A conscientious single mother can insure a balance for her son by making available male role models in

the form of grandfathers, godfathers, teachers and coaches. In reality, all boys obtain much of their attitudes about life from

the same sources. Once any child is of school age, the influence of their peers and other adults in their life becomes as criti-

cal as the parents. The same vigilance to guarantee good example is necessary to both single and dual parent families.

Two precautions a single mother might take in regard to raising her son: * Do not criticize the biological father. In the event the single status is the result of divorce, criticizing the child's roots makes the child himself feel criticized. If

there is nothing good to say about the missing parent, say nothing. If it is feasible, encourage a healthy and proactive rela-

tionship between the boy and his father. * Do not be needy Treating your son like the "man of the family" does not allow your

boy to be a child. Projecting too much adult responsibility on his

young shoulders because of his gender is unfair. Mom,

find companionship elsewhere, and encourage your son to de-

velop his own social life with his peers.

In all respects, given the advantage of a thoughtful and intelligent

approach to parenting, boys from single mother families have as

equal an opportunity to grow and flourish into well-rounded, empa-

thetic adults as their dual parent counterparts. To suggest other-

wise is a disservice to single mothers and their sons.

Single Parent World

Volume 1, Issue 2– I-Parent 31

32

How To Reduce Your Baby's Risk of SIDS Keep baby nearby Putting baby’s crib or bassinet in your room for at least the first few months, isn’t just convenient, it’s safe. Infants who sleep in the same room as their mothers – as long as it’s in a safe, separating sleeping area and not in your bed – have a lower risk of SIDS.

Avoid unsafe co-sleeping. It may seem a natural way to sleep, but beware: Most experts agree that babies shouldn’t sleep in their parent’s bed under any cir-cumstances. A baby can become trapped and suffocate between the headboard slats or between the mattress and the bed frame or wall. Unless you’ve taken special precautions, be sure baby’s sleeping in her own crib. Consider breastfeeding Some experts believe that breastfed babies are at a lower risk for SIDS. Data analyzed by scientists at the National Institute of Envi-ronmental Health Sciences, in America, suggests that breastfeeding could prevent up to 720 infant deaths in the U.S. each year by preventing certain serious illnesses including respiratory disease. Offer a dummy It is suggest that using a dummy could help after the baby’s first month, if you’re breastfeed), since sucking on one could d iscourage baby from turning over onto her stomach during sleep. Plus, all that sucking helps keep her tongue forward and her airway open. But don’t force a dummy on her if she isn’t into it. Avoid sleep positioners and bolsters Just because a product says it’s made to prevent SIDS, don’t assume that it’s OK to use. For example, there are sleep positioners that claim to prevent baby from rolling onto her stomach with two side bolsters, but in September 2010, the FDA and Consumer Prod-uct Safety Commission debunked those claims, urging parents not to use them after dozens of infants rolled into unsafe positions while on them. While some parents turn to sleep positioners to help with reflux and colic and prevent flat head syndrome, the CSPC says there is no scientifically proven benefit to using them. So it’s best to avoid them altogether. Share these tips Baby’s sitter, grandparents and anyone else who cares for her, should know how to prevent SIDS. About one in five crib deaths have occurred when someone else was taking care of a baby and may not have known how to prevent SIDS. Another reason: babies who are used to sleeping on their backs and are put on their stomachs are 18 times more likely to die from SIDS. So please spread the news.


33

Grandparents, Is Your Grand-daughter a Mean Little Girl?

By: P.B. de Levante Girls as young as five are bullying and being bul-lied. An expert tells how you can help.

When we imagine bully-ing, we tend to picture middle-schoolers spread-ing vicious rumors about classmates on Face-book, high-schoolers ganging up on each other in stairwells, or college kids videotaping

their peers with disastrous consequences.

But according to research by Michelle Anthony, M.A., Ph.D., and Reyna Lindert, Ph.D, there's another group we should be concerned about — little girls. While "relational bullying," or emotional abuse, among older girls has been the subject of several major studies, Anthony and Lindert, in their new book, Little Girls Can Be Mean (St. Martin’s Griffin, 2010), make it clear that bullying can begin as early as in kindergarten. The pair also offer practical advice to help family members support this extremely vulnerable group.

I-Parent recently spoke with Dr. Anthony about the mean-girl phenomenon and the role both parents and grandparents play in preserving the self-esteem and confidence of bullying victims — and their tormenters.

I-Parent: In your book, you differentiate between bullies and mean girls. What’s the difference?Michelle Anthony—MA: Mean girls can be nice girls who just make mean choices, fre-quently because they don't (yet) have the tools to make better choices. They often go between being mean and nice. Bullies are mean all the time. Because they’re hard to predict, mean-girl relationships are much more confusing for kids.

IP: What do girls get out of being mean? MA: Being mean al-lows them to be powerful without physically hurting their friends.

IP: How early can this behavior start?MA: At age 5 or 6, girls begin to understand that they can pull a social power play.

IP: Why are we seeing more of this kind of behavior now?MA: TV is one reason. As adults, we get that what we see on TV is often staged drama, but from children's perspectives, it's how peo-ple interact. Another piece of this is that you have a lot more so-cial media hitting kids earlier and earlier. Kids as young as third grade are entering a social world that parents have never experi-enced. When today's parents were young, they never thought that millions of people would know what was being said about them.

As a result of social media, today, millions of people can. The sphere of influence is so much bigger. Also, there's been a lot more focus on the issue. The more we focus on it, the more we're

likely to see it . IP: Why don't teachers see that this is going on?MA: Because it's relational, not physical, aggression between girls is often not immediately picked up by teachers. The more acute the situation gets, however, the more teachers are catching on. All these things begin as small kernels, and we don't recognize them until the situation gets out of control.

IP: What are some signs that a child may be being victimized?MA: Tip-offs include acute friendship struggles, mood swings, changes in behavior, not liking things they used to like, starting fights with siblings (this is true for both the victim and the aggres-sor), headaches, stomachaches, not wanting to go to school, and isolating themselves. Some parents jump to the conclusion that these behaviors indicate the onset of puberty, but often that is not the case.

IP: What would tip you off that your daughter or granddaughter is an aggressor?MA: It's likely she'll talk about being unkind in a nonchalant, unfeeling way. She might talk about girls who aren't there or spread rumors. In an effort to feel more powerful, she'll start talking more rudely to parents, look to exclude kids from par-ties, and act judgmental in general.

IP: Why would a usually nice girl choose to be an aggressor?MA: The goal of the aggressor is to have power, to make people like her. Having a goal like this is fine, but what's not fine is the choices she makes to meet her goal. Very nice girls can be very mean girls when they participate in very mean behavior. They need the tools to stand up for themselves or to make better choices.

IP: Once parents realize this is going on, what can they do?MA: In Little Girls Can Be Mean, we talk about the four-step approach, which can be used with both victims and ag-gressors. The steps are: ob-serve, connect, guide, and sup-port to act.

IP: What can grandparents offer that parents can't?MA: Grandparents tend to be less intimately involved with kids. A child might also talk to her close grandma before talking to her mom. When you're with your grandma, you have permission to dump and run. If you don't live in the same house, you can talk and it's not going to keep coming up every day.

Feature


i-parent magazine - nov 2011

Documents

parent magazine

single parent world

parent dear moms

levante raphael

honesty of amy chua

halftiger mother

levante patricia

battle hymn