Human StupidityBy John Creanga

~ Year 1874 ~

There WAS once upon a time, because if it weren’t, there weren’t be a story to be told. This story that is about to be told is not as old as THE STORIES are, it is younger, from the times when the flea was shoeing its own leg with ninety-nine kilos of iron and still it felt light as a feather.There was a married man, his name was Georgy; and this man lived with his wife and mother in law. His wife, with whom he had a child, was stupid, but his mother in law was worse!!!One day he went out to finish some work. He left the women at home to take care of the child and the house. And the wife after she washed and feed the child, she put the baby in the swinging bed next to the oven, because it was winter and wanted to keep him warm, and put him to sleep. After the baby was sound asleep, she started to think and then she started to weep and scream: “Oh! My poor baby, poor baby!”Her mother heard her crying, and run to her:

- What happened my child? What is wrong?- Mother, mother! My baby is going to dye!- When and how?!- This way: You see that salt block on the chimney?- Yes, I see it. So?- If the cat will go up there, and push it, it will fall on my baby’s head and kill him.- Oh my girl, you are right! It’s obvious that his days are ending, poor baby!

And with the eyes set on the salt block and with their hands clamped, as if someone had tied them up, the two women started to mourn. While they were crying their eyes out, the father came back home, starving and tired.

- What happened? Why are you crying, you insane women!!!The women came a little bit back to their senses and started to tell the story about the un-happened happening. Georgy listened to their story, and after they finished, said with awe:

- Bre!(something like “Dude!”) I have seen a lot of stupid people in my life, but like you I haven’t. I’m going in the …world! And if I find someone more stupid than you, I’ll come back, if not, I won’t!

Saying that, he sighed dolefully, got out of the house, without saying good bye, and left upset and bittered.After walking without a purpose for a while, he stopped in a place, and there he saw something that he never ever saw before: a man was holding an empty bushel with the opening towards the Sun, after that he grabbed the bushel in a hurry and went inside his house; after that he would come out and put the bushel with the mouth towards the Sun and went back in the house, and so on… Our traveler, puzzled, said to the man:

- Good day, kind sir!- Thank you very much, dear friend! (Old way of greeting people, in the past

everyone was either friend, either brother/sister [cumatru/cumatra].

Cumatru/cumatra are often used in old literary texts, especially in text for children.)

- But what are you doin’ here? asked George.- Well, I have been trying for the past two-three days to move this gammy Sun into

my house, to have some light… and I don’t manage to do it.- Bre! what drudgery! said the traveler. Do you have an axe around here?- Yes, I do.- Take it by the handle, chop here and the Sun will get in all by its self.

The man did that and the Sun light got into the house.- What a miracle, kind sir, said the man. If God hadn't brought you here, I would

have grown old carrying the Sun with the bushel. “Another twat”, thought Georgy to himself and left.The traveler continued his journey and after a while he arrived in a village. He stopped at a house. The man that was living here was a wheelwright. The man had made a cart and he had assembled the cart inside the house; and now he wanted to take the cart out of the house. He would pull the spit with all his strength, but the cart wouldn’t go out. Do you know why? Because the frame of the doors was smaller than the cart. The man wanted to chop the door so he could get the cart out. But Georgy showed him how to disassemble the cart in all its pieces, get them out and reassemble the cart outside.

- Thank you sooooo much, kind man, said the host; you thought me well! See for yourself! I was about to ruin my house because of the cart…

From here, Georgy, counting another loggerhead, continued his travel until he arrived to another house. Oh, and what did he saw there! A man with a pitchfork in his hands was trying to throw some tree nuts from the verandah to the loft.“More and more nitwits coming my way!” thought Georgy to himself.

- But what are you doing there, kind man?- Well, I’m trying to throw some nuts in the loft, but this fork is good for nothing…

may the Devil have its way with it!- You are working for nothing, uncle! You can send the fork to the devil as much as

you want, the fork doesn’t know about the devil. Do you have a bushel?- Of course I do!- Then put the nuts in the bushel, put the bushel on your shoulder and gently go up

in the loft; the fork is for straws and hay, not for nuts.The man listened to Georgy and the job was done in no time. Our traveler didn’t waste his time there anymore; he left, counting another nitwit.And on his way he saw another frolic happening. He saw a man pulling a string tied to a cow’s neck. And going up in the hangar, where he had a stockpile of hay, he was trying to pull the cow after him. The poor cow was bawling and the man was weary…

- Kind man! said Georgy, making his crosses; what do you want to do?- What do I want to do? Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you see?- Oh, yes, I can see, but I don’t understand!!!- Well this cow is starving, but it doesn’t want to come up, after me, to eat the

hay…- Wait a moment, Christian (not a name; as in a Christian person), you are going to

hang the cow! Take the hay, bring it down and give it to the cow!- But wouldn’t be a waste of hay?

- Don’t be near at the bran and cheap at the flour. (Romanian expression translated mot-a-mot :P, it means: don’t be stingy!)

The man listened to the traveler advice and the cow’s life was saved.- You thought me well, kind sir! For such a small thing I was about to hang my

cow!Still in awe, Georgy, thought to himself: “The cat might push down the salt bloke from the chimney; but to carry the Sun into the house with a bushel, to throw the nuts in the loft with the pitchfork and to pull the cow in the hangar to the hay… that’s unimaginable!”So our traveler went back home and spent his live with his family in peace. After his travel, he was glad that his family is not as bad as the people he had met in his travel.

The end!