How To Use HolidaysHow To Use Holidays

To Enhance Family RelationshipsTo Enhance Family Relationships

Taiwan Happy Family AssociationMay 2012

Sharon Rosenkoetter, Ph.D.Larry Rosenkoetter, Ph.D. Oregon State University

What Are Holidays & Rituals? What Are Holidays & Rituals? Holidays & rituals are powerful organizers of family life Holidays & rituals are powerful organizers of family life

They support stability during times of stress & transitionThey support stability during times of stress & transition

• Holidays are shared events in the nation that each family celebrates in its own wayHolidays are shared events in the nation that each family celebrates in its own way

• Holidays may have cultural, Holidays may have cultural,

religious, or patriotic meaningreligious, or patriotic meaning

What Are Holidays & Rituals? What Are Holidays & Rituals?

Holidays & rituals are powerful organizers of family life. They Holidays & rituals are powerful organizers of family life. They support stability during times of stress & transitionsupport stability during times of stress & transition

• Holiday often are special family timesHoliday often are special family times– Lunar New YearLunar New Year -- Ramadan-- Ramadan -- National Day -- National Day– Mother’s DayMother’s Day -- Christmas-- Christmas -- Passover -- Passover– Father’s DayFather’s Day -- Family Day ---- Family Day --Baxter & Braithwaite, 2002Baxter & Braithwaite, 2002

ChristmasChristmas

Christmas Is a National Holiday in the U.S. Christmas Is a National Holiday in the U.S.

It may be celebrated as a religious or secular holidayIt may be celebrated as a religious or secular holiday

ReligiousReligious Birthday of Jesus ChristBirthday of Jesus Christ Special worship & beautiful religious musicSpecial worship & beautiful religious music (Silent Night, Holy Night)(Silent Night, Holy Night) Decorated Christmas tree points to heavenDecorated Christmas tree points to heaven Other special decorations, yard lightsOther special decorations, yard lights Gifts to family honor God’s gift to humansGifts to family honor God’s gift to humans Special food & fun Special food & fun Families travel to be togetherFamilies travel to be together Stores, schools, & restaurants are closedStores, schools, & restaurants are closed

Not ReligiousNot Religious Happy family timeHappy family time Happy songs (Frosty the Snow Man, Jingle Bells)Happy songs (Frosty the Snow Man, Jingle Bells) Decorated Christmas tree as artDecorated Christmas tree as art Other special decorations, yard lightsOther special decorations, yard lights Gifts show love to family & friendsGifts show love to family & friends Special food & funSpecial food & fun Some non-Christian families travel to be togetherSome non-Christian families travel to be together Other non-Christian families do not recognize Other non-Christian families do not recognize

holidayholiday Stores, schools, & restaurants are closedStores, schools, & restaurants are closed

Families Have Their Own Rituals for HolidaysFamilies Have Their Own Rituals for Holidays

• 13-15 people come from all over the United States13-15 people come from all over the United States• Family stays in one house; cooking & eating & Family stays in one house; cooking & eating & worshipping together worshipping together • Church service with candlelight at midnight on Christmas Church service with candlelight at midnight on Christmas

EveEve• Often Often makemake gifts for one another; everyone gives & gets gifts for one another; everyone gives & gets giftsgifts• Family eats ham & roast beef, special dishes, Family eats ham & roast beef, special dishes, special cookies, cakes, & candiesspecial cookies, cakes, & candies• Santa Claus distributes the giftsSanta Claus distributes the gifts• Great grandparents are Santa & Mrs. Claus in Great grandparents are Santa & Mrs. Claus in homemade costumeshomemade costumes

Rosenkoetters’ ChristmasRosenkoetters’ Christmas

Some Special Holiday MemoriesSome Special Holiday Memories

What Are Family Rituals? What Are Family Rituals?

Like holidays, rituals are powerful organizers of family life. They support its stability during Like holidays, rituals are powerful organizers of family life. They support its stability during times of stress & transitiontimes of stress & transition

• Rituals are recurring activities that 2 or more family members purposefully enact and that Rituals are recurring activities that 2 or more family members purposefully enact and that honor cherished family valueshonor cherished family values

• Examples of family rituals Examples of family rituals – Religious observancesReligious observances– Milestone eventsMilestone events– Coming of age ritualsComing of age rituals -- Object rituals-- Object rituals– Couple ritualsCouple rituals -- Verbal rituals -- Verbal rituals– Individualized family ritualsIndividualized family rituals

-- -- Repeated activities that become rituals Repeated activities that become rituals as they become especially meaningful as they become especially meaningful

Remember… Remember… Holidays & rituals are powerful organizersHolidays & rituals are powerful organizersof family life. They support its stability of family life. They support its stability during times of stress & transitionduring times of stress & transition

At times when a family member is ill or has died, or when there At times when a family member is ill or has died, or when there has been a divorce, holidays & rituals help a family be strong has been a divorce, holidays & rituals help a family be strong together together

Holidays & rituals establish special family times in Holidays & rituals establish special family times in single-parent families single-parent families (Olson & Haynes, 1992)(Olson & Haynes, 1992)

• Bring family members together to honor one another & celebrate the family relationship

• Help family members to know

one another better• Teach family beliefs, social roles, gender, cultural values

Why Holidays & Rituals Are Important…Why Holidays & Rituals Are Important…

Why Holidays & Rituals Are Important…Why Holidays & Rituals Are Important…

• Strengthen the family unit

• Build positive family identity & memories for the future

• Help young children learn language, social skills, and some academic skills

• Promote adolescents’ sense

of identity & general well-being

• Celebrated by Jews for 3,000 yearsto honor God’s rescue of the people from slavery

• Called “Seder”

• Occurs every spring; reminds children & adults of Jewish identity

• Traditional food, candles, ritual words, retelling the story

Example -- PassoverExample -- Passover

Example -- PassoverExample -- Passover

• Particular words for children: “How is this night different from all nights?”

• Citrin (2012) family adds Passover plays, musical performances, poetry, references to current events & props to make the ancient story their own

Research on Holidays & RitualsResearch on Holidays & Rituals

• ““A key contribution to family stability & well-being”A key contribution to family stability & well-being” (Wolin & (Wolin & Bennett, 1984)Bennett, 1984)

• Family members with established rituals have a higher Family members with established rituals have a higher commitment to each other commitment to each other

• They have a stronger family identity & celebrate a sense of They have a stronger family identity & celebrate a sense of ethnicity, religion, or communityethnicity, religion, or community

• They have a strong sense of commitment across They have a strong sense of commitment across generationsgenerations (Duck, 1991; Fiese & Tomcho, 2001)(Duck, 1991; Fiese & Tomcho, 2001)

Research on Holidays & RitualsResearch on Holidays & Rituals

• They have a stronger sense of marital & relational They have a stronger sense of marital & relational satisfactionsatisfaction (Duck, 1991; Fiese & Tomcho, 2001) (Duck, 1991; Fiese & Tomcho, 2001)

• It is important to establish special family times for single-It is important to establish special family times for single-parent & step familiesparent & step families (Olson & Haynes, 1992)(Olson & Haynes, 1992)

Research…Research…

• Among Americans, planning for holidays & maintaining family Among Americans, planning for holidays & maintaining family rituals tends to depend upon 40-60 year old women in the rituals tends to depend upon 40-60 year old women in the family, though all ages are likely to benefit family, though all ages are likely to benefit (Leach & Braithwaite, 1992)(Leach & Braithwaite, 1992)

• Stress in a family may first be seen in the disruption of family Stress in a family may first be seen in the disruption of family holidays and rituals holidays and rituals (Steinglass et al., 1987)(Steinglass et al., 1987)

• Continuity in holidays & rituals gives children a sense of Continuity in holidays & rituals gives children a sense of security when their family is dealing with divorce or security when their family is dealing with divorce or alcoholism alcoholism (Guidubaldi et al, 1986; Henry & Lovelace, 1995; Wolin et al., 1979)(Guidubaldi et al, 1986; Henry & Lovelace, 1995; Wolin et al., 1979)

• Even when parents divorce past age 50, their adult children Even when parents divorce past age 50, their adult children keenly miss holiday rituals keenly miss holiday rituals (Pett et al., 1992)(Pett et al., 1992)

How To Improve Family CelebrationsHow To Improve Family Celebrations

• Be sure that celebrations promote your own family’s Be sure that celebrations promote your own family’s valuesvalues

• Include all ages in planning and celebratingInclude all ages in planning and celebrating• Make rituals meaningful & fun (or otherwise rewarding)Make rituals meaningful & fun (or otherwise rewarding)• Keep them simple & inexpensive >>> to reduce stress, Keep them simple & inexpensive >>> to reduce stress,

OR occasionally make them deliberately elaborateOR occasionally make them deliberately elaborate• Turn off the television, telephones, laptops, personal Turn off the television, telephones, laptops, personal

musicmusic• Set the schedule in advance. Don’t let alternative activities Set the schedule in advance. Don’t let alternative activities

intrudeintrude• Invent new rituals as new times presentInvent new rituals as new times present• Encourage relaxed conversationEncourage relaxed conversation• See handout for conversation tipsSee handout for conversation tips

Treasure Your Time for Family TogethernessTreasure Your Time for Family Togetherness

When older adults recall favorite times in their lives, very When older adults recall favorite times in their lives, very often their favorite memories are of family holidays & often their favorite memories are of family holidays & ritualsrituals