How to deal with the feelings of the children and how to regard them

What connects the feelings of children with their

behavior ?When children feel positive feelings they will think positively and then act positively. How can we help them to feel positive feelings?

 

Dealing with negative feelings of children

1.The meaning of Emotional Intelligence : Emotional Intelligence means the ability of someone to understand his own feelings and the feelings of others, and the ability to generate positive emotions in himself and in the people around him, In addition to the ability to overcome the negative feelings and help others to overcome their negative emotions.

Emotional intelligence can be classified to a two main components:Emotional intelligence can be classified to a two main components:

• The success and happiness in human life does not depend on the intelligence school, but only on the characteristics of his personality and skills to help solve problems related to emotions and feelings.

• The child may be born with high potential of emotional intelligence, but he may fall victim to neglect and emotional abuse from the others around him, which destroys this potential.

2. What are the characters of the emotionally intelligent :

• Can read the emotions of others in their facial expressions or voices or body positions and movements as well as his ability to express these emotions and its reactions.

• Emotionally intelligent person can direct his thinking to the most important things, he uses his feelings and his ability to understand the emotions in directing his focus to the problem specifically and use appropriate methods to resolve it and make the final decision, because joy and fun encourages to invent new solutions.

• Uses his ability to solve problems in daily life, which includes opposite emotions and overlapping, As in the case of mixed feelings of love and hate, fear and surprise Where he can interpret the meanings conveyed by emotions, such as Extreme sadness may indicate loss, joy may indicate success and gain.

• Possesses the ability to manage his own emotions or the emotions of the others by Mitigation of negative emotions and strengthen the positive emotions Where he can transform negative emotions into positive learning process and find the opportunity for further growth.

Now, after your knowledge of the characters of the emotionally intelligent

person, What are the qualities that you've found available and not available in you?

3. What is the relationship between brain and emotional intelligence?

• Studies indicate that human retains emotionally charged memories and strong emotions, and this is what is called emotional memory. Scientists have proved that the cortex of the brain, especially the frontal region in front of the head has an important role in the management of emotions and where to intervene to determine the nature of the situation and the best answer , reaction , behavior of a person in that position (will you advance or retreat?).

• The Quran have pointed to this by saying { No. If he does not desist, We will drag him by the forelock *A deceitful, sinful forelock}.

• We as educators, teachers and parents must not leave a single opportunity to try to train our children to develop this skill to ensure an appropriate level of emotional intelligence developed and not let it just for coincidence.

• how can we teach the child and cultivate his emotional intelligence?

First, accept their feelings whatsoever.

Often parents do not accept the feelings of their children and deny, for example:

“I do not think that this is your true feelings”

“You are saying this because you're tired”

“There is no reason for dissatisfaction ”

Some examples that illustrate how easy is to deny the feelings of the children without

noticing :

Mom: Unbelievable you have just woke up

Child: Mom, I feel tired

Mom: You are not sleepy and tired, Wake up and wear your clothes quickly

Child: (Shouting), but I'm still tired

Child: (Crying), I'm sleepy

Example 1

Child: I feel too hot here

Mom: The weather is cold don't take off your coat

Child: No I do not feel cold, I feel too hot

Mom: I told you it's cold don't take off your coat

Example 2

Child: This program is very boring

Mom: On the contrary, it is quite interesting

Child: No, it's boring and

stupid Mom: This program is meaningful and useful

Child: This program is stupid and trivial

Mom: Do not talk that way behave yourself!

Example 3

So, what is happening here, do you see how the dialogue is going on between mother and child and turns into a brawl, not only this but also how that mother teach her son what must he feel and what must he Perceive.

Please fill in the spaces with your usual reply that you expect to respond if exposed to any of the following situations:

Child: I do not like my baby brother

Mom:……………………………………………………………………………

Child: Eid was boring and even after all that you have done to me and providing me with gifts and games I was not happy

Mom: …………………………………………………………………….…...

Child: I will not wear my hijab today, all the girls look at me like I am complicated and reactionary

Mom: ………………………………………………………………………….…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 Child: my teacher is stupid and I hate her, I wish I could kill her,

Because she prevented me from entering, because I was delayed only 5 minutes

Mom: ………………………………………………………………………….……….………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 Child: I do not want to share my toys with my brother, he always

spoil and broke them, I do not know why do you love him, he is stupid

Mom: .………………………………………………………………………….…………….………………………………………………………………………………………………

Please read the following text:

" While you are at work your boss came and Asked you to print some important papers to him where he was going to a meeting in half an hour. Your office colleague apologized and went home because her daughter is sick and asked you to do all her work, and you have to download a lot of files on your computer, and while you try to do whatever you are asked to do, The time went quickly and you did not notice, the manager came and asked you for the papers. You apologized and asked him to give you five extra minutes, but he refused, got angry and spoke with you violently and threatened to deduct some amount from your salary. You felt sad and impatient and went to a friend's house and recounted her the story that happened. her response was as follows:" 

(Please imagine yourself in this situation and try to write your reaction after hearing each of the following replies)

Denial of feelings reply

No need to huff, never mind, do not pay any

attention, I do not think that the matter is so bad, come on smile, show me

your beautiful smile.

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Philosophical reply

Dear, this is the life. Calm down and don't let small things

annoying you this way. The world is full of stories of this kind.

You should learn to control yourself.

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Heartbreak reply

Oh no, I feel sorry for you. This is shameful and sad. I feel like crying for

you

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Reply via advice

Do you know, I think the first thing you have to do tomorrow morning is to talk with him and tell him all your negative feelings, and tell him that he shouldn't talk to you this way,

and that you are smart and diligent and you will not repeat it again.

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It seems that all that happened that you felt rebuke as you felt when you're child from your

family, This situation remind you of those days and you do not want to remember

them.

Psychologists style reply

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reply by asking questions

What happened exactly? How did you forget such an important thing? didn't you

estimated the situation? Didn't you know that you

shouldn't forget?

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Reply by defending the other person

I understand why he got angry and yelled at you maybe there are many

pressures on him or maybe he has something bothering,

You know he does not usually do this

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Positive reply

This situation is extremely annoying

especially after all the work that you've done, I

am sure that it was difficult to accept.

First: listen carefully with consideration for the child and lower yourself to the same level of the child.

Second: Answer using words like: aha…yea…m m m m m.

Third: Give a name to what you expect that your child feels, then put that name in a sentence (your answer).

Forth: Give the child by wishful what you cannot give him in reality.

Now, give a name to each of the following negative feelings and put it in an appropriate sentence or statement:

Examples of a positive answers for a dialogue between mother and

child

Child: I do not like my baby brother

Mom: Aha

Child: He cries a lot and cannot play with me

Mom: You wish that he can play football with you Child: Yes, and we run

together and play Playstation

Child: The Eid was boring

Mom: It seems that you were not happy

Child: Yes, the toy that you gave me at the Eid has been broken

Mom: This is very unfortunate and you're waiting for the Eid to open your gift and play with it

Child: Yes, and my brother was happy with his toy and I felt bored all the time

Mom: You wish if you could participate playing too

Child: Yes

Child: I will not wear my Hijab todayMom: AhaChild: I do not like girls commentMom: You wish that they stop commenting on your clothes and instead look to your personalityChild: Yes, they are trifles It's just a piece of cloth that does not change my characterMom: AhaChild: Mom why we have to wear Hijab?Mom: You want to know the real reason?Child: Yes Mom: Because ……………………..

Child: My teacher is stupid I wish I could kill herMom: There is a very angry personChild: yes very angryMom: I see signs of anger on your face and your voiceChild: After doing my homework and prepare everything she prevented me from entering the classroom because of the delay of five minutesMom: You prefer if she was overlooked these five minutesChild: Yes it is trueMom: AhaChild: If only she knew that I did all my home work maybe she was forgive me Mom: This is your opinionChild: I know she is unfair but I will not allow her to do so again I will be on time

Child: I will not share my toys with my brotherMom: You looks uncomfortable and upsetChild: You do not see any flaw in my brother, he is stupidMom: AhaChild: And you spend all your time with himMom: And you're like if I spent some time with you?Child: Yes, and we read a story or coloring a paintingMom: What about doing it now?Child: Really, come on and when my brother wakes up I will play with him

Child: Why you do not allow me to travel abroad?Mom: Our disagreement on your travel bothers you and causes you embarrassment?Child: All my friends are going to travel except meMom: Do you feel deprived from participating with them?Child: Yes, and as well as I feel that you don't trust meMom: Aha, you are angryChild: Yes, I am not young anymore and I can take responsibilityMom: you wish if we could see that, right?Child: Yes, and I hope that I travel with them Mom: I hope if I can allow you to do so, but our circumstances do not allow usChild: mmmmm may be next time

Example 1

You seem hesitant in this matter or you're

wondering if the decision to join

university is suitable for you or not.

I'm not sure that I want to

go to university

Dealing with feelings- Examples of teenagers

You seem that you hate this work or if the waste can go out by herself it would be

easier for you or you prefer not to throw waste maybe we

should ask if one of your brothers likes to alter his mission with

you

Why am I took out the waste every

day

Example 2

You prefer if they spoke with respect

because of your age and treat you as a

conscious people that can take responsibility, Or You think they are exaggerating and use

of intimidation

Today the college hosted the police

and they gave us a lecture and tried to

frighten us hahahaha how stupid they are

Example 3

What a bad luck without all the days you got sick today and I know your

interest in the foot ball, but high

temperatures means rest in bed

I do not care even if I get a fever but I will not miss the

game

Example 4

Student: I am very bad at long

division

Teacher: It seems that

something at long division

mystifies you

Student: The painting that I've painted is

very bad

Teacher: Aha, you don't like it

Student: I'm not going to sit near

Ayman from now on

Teacher: You looks upset of Ayman, it seems he bothers

you

Students needs a definition to their negative feelings and to gave these feelings a name

Sometimes the student seems annoyance or lack of attention or

fatigue, The role of the teacher is to teach him and to make sure that he is focuses. In this

case you can describe what you see

Teacher: You looks tired and your eyes looks sleepy like you did not sleep well yesterday and this will harden your concentration today

Or a student is talking a lot and does not give any attention to the period because he seems to be boredom

Teacher: Ayman I know you feel bored and that the math is not your favorite subject, you wish if this period ends off Or you wish if I sent you outside to play

Sometimes student seems sad or angry or have a strong negative feelings and does not focus with the teacher

Teacher: Hassan, you do not look okay why do not you sit close to me and draw me a picture of what is going on in your feelings

If students quarrel and start hurting each

other

Teacher: Beating is not allowed I hope

that you express your anger by speak

Teacher: Bad words are not allowed, I

hope that you tell him what you feel or want

from him

Teacher: Many complaints will waste

the lesson time, I prefer that you write to me on paper and leave it on the table

If students began cursing each other Or Many

complaints

Now I ask you to read the following text:

" Today your husband tells you that he will marry again, and he will bring her home and he asked you to share your clothes and perfume and private things with her, and also he asked you to take care of her. And when she came home you really were annoying and you went to your husband and complained and told him the truth about how you feel towards her, but he replied as follows:”

(Please fill in the blanks your feelings toward each response from your husband)

You are irrational what is this

nonsense that you say I'm sure you do not mean it and that you

loves her inside your heart.

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I brought her up to entertain you at home not only brought her to

myself I know you feel lonely sometimes

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Talking this way about her bothers

me and I do not like to hear it please

Keep these words to yourself and do not

talk about her in front of me

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I do not know why do you come to me crying every time? Why can't you cope with her? Share your things with her and enjoy with her, this will glad you very

much

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Aha, You wish if I did not marry her

and did not definitively

brought her here

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I hope that you don't put me in this position, I love you all and now you are my family I cannot send her anywhere this is her home too

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Sweetie do not get upset please you know how much I love you and that my heart is room for many come on smile I want to see

you smiling

االن قومي بوضع اسم لكل من المشاعر السلبية التالية وضعيها :بجملة او تصريح مناسب

To help children deal with their negative feelings you should:

• Listen to your son or daughter carefully and persists in considering him

• You can definition their feelings through small voices like: aha…mmm…yes

• Give the feeling a name like: This seems very annoying

• Give the child what he wishes or desires through imagination: I wish I could give you a big ice cream

Dealing with the negative feelings of brotherhood

Brothers need a definition of their feelings towards each other and listen to itChild: I will kill him, he played in my new car define the feeling by a wordMom: you look angry

Or by a wish

Mom: I wish he asked you before he played with itOr by written words or expression or symbolic

Mom: what do you think you can write on this paper This privately owned please do not touch

• Brothers need to stop hurting each other or violently beaten

Mother: Stop people are not beaten

• We must show them a new ways to get rid of the negative feelings

Mother: Tell your brother how much you are angry by speaking not by beating

• Describe what it feels like instead of using indecent words

Mother: There is no need for bad words tell him how you feel or what do you expect from him

Child: I hate when you eat all the pancakes alone I want you to leave me some of them

• Use drawing to unload negative feelingsMother: That is sad to remain alone, do you want to

paint a picture of what it feels now?

• use of puppets or dolls to unload the need to hit instead of the Brothers

Mother: I do not let you harm your sister I hope that you show me how much you are angry

on this doll

• Discharge negative feelings in writingChild: Look to what my sister did to my Hijab ! she shred itMother: I think your sister should know how much your

disappointments in writing