How to Create a

How to Create a Parenting Plan A parenting plan is a document that two co-parents

who do not live together use to help them work

together to raise their child. The parenting plan may

be mandated by family court, or it may be a more

informal document. When writing a parenting plan,

take time to consider how you want to approach all

aspects of child rearing. No matter what agreement

you come to, understand that you may have to

amend it as your child ages.

Establishing Custody and Visitation

1 Decide on the normal schedule. The first thing that

you need to decide is who the child will live with and

how often the other parent will visit the child.

Depending on your individual circumstances, you

may decide on joint custody, or you may decide that

it is best for the child to live primarily with one

parent.[1]

If you have a baby, try to arrange the schedule so

that both parents have the opportunity to participate

in the day-to-day care of the baby, as this is

important for bonding.

If your child is older, the school schedule may

influence your visitation schedule.

In addition to establishing a regular schedule, talk

about what will happen if one parent decides to

move.

2 Create a plan for holidays and vacations. You

may want to make some special adjustments to your

visitation schedule to accommodate for holidays and

vacations. For example, if Father's Day falls on a

day when the child would normally be with the

mother, you may want to make a special exception

for that day.[2]

If you live close to each other, you may be able to

split holidays with your child's other parent. For

example, you may have the child for Christmas

morning and your co-parent may have the child for

Christmas evening.

Be sure to consider vacation plans as well. For

example, if you plan on taking a two-week vacation

with your child over the summer, decide if your co-

parent will be allowed to do the same. Be sure to

coordinate vacations with your co-parent to avoid

scheduling conflicts.

You may also want to plan for birthday parties.

Decide if you will have separate parties or if you will

have one party to which both sides of the family will

be invited.[3]

3 Think about special circumstances. In addition to

holidays and vacations, there may be other things

that pop up that will necessitate an adjustment to the

visitation schedule. While it's impossible to plan for

everything, having a basic idea of how you will

handle special circumstances will help you avoid

conflicts with your co-parent when they do come

up.[4]

Think about how you will adjust the schedule if the

child is sick during a visitation time.

Decide how you will deal with it if something

unexpected disrupts the schedule, like a funeral or a

last-minute invitation to a birthday party.

If the child is not able to be with one parent during a

normal visit day, decide if you will make this day up

or just continue with the regular schedule. You may

choose to have the child spend an extra day with

that parent during the next visit, for example.

4 Outline who the child is allowed to see or stay

with. If there are certain members of the family who

you do not trust to be around your child, it is

important to outline these restrictions in the

parenting plan. Talk through your concerns and

decide if it is okay for the person to be around your

child, as long as they are not alone.[5]

You may also want to establish general guidelines

for the type of person who is allowed to babysit your

child. For example, you and your co-parent may

agree that all babysitters must be at least 16 years

old and must be certified in CPR.

5 Decide how you will exchange your child. If your

child spends time with both you and your co-parent,

you will need to establish a procedure for

exchanging the child. The right arrangement for you

will depend on the kind of relationship you have with

your co-parent and how close you live to each

other.[6]

If you and your co-parent have a good relationship,

you could simply drop the child off at each other's

houses.

If you do not want your co-parent coming to your

house, you could meet in a neutral location.

You could also arrange your schedule so that one

parent drops the child off at school and the other

picks the child up from school.

Planning Everyday Routines and

Activities

1 Decide how you will choose

activities. Extracurricular activities often involve a

big time commitment, so it's important to talk to your

co-parent about what activities your child will

participate in. Figure out if you will discuss each

activity before committing to it or if one parent will be

permitted to sign the child up for an activity without

the approval of the other.[7]

In addition to time considerations, you should also

consider that your co-parent may not agree with the

activity or may think it is too expensive. Having a

plan for dealing with these kinds of situations ahead

of time will make the decisions much easier.

Make sure to think about transportation to and from

activities, especially if they are far away. It's

important to agree on this before committing your

child to any activities that may take place during your

co-parent's visitation time.

2 Agree on who will attend events. Whether your

child plays soccer or performs in the school play,

you will eventually be faced with an event that you

may both want to attend. Come up with an

agreement regarding who will attend which events

with your child.[8]

You may decide to attend alternating events,

especially if they are frequent.

If you agree to both attend, decide if there will be

any rules. Will you interact with each other or will

you sit separately and not speak to each other?

3

Decide how you will communicate with your co-

parent. Lots of things will come up while your child

is with you that your co-parent will want to know

about, and vice-versa. This includes things like the

schedule for soccer games, punishments you have

established, or issues that your child has been

having at school. It's important to have a plan for

how and when you will communicate this type of

information. [9]

Decide on your preferred method of communication.

If you don't like talking to your co-parent in person or

on the phone, you may decide to communicate by

email.

Also decide what information needs to be shared.

You co-parent may want to know about it every time

your child has a cold, or the two of you may decide

that this is not necessary.

4 Coordinate routines. Walk through your child's

everyday routine with the other parent and try to

agree on a schedule that you both can follow.

Consistency is very important for young children, so

having the same routine in both households will

make things much easier.[10]

For babies, it's important that sleeping and feeding

schedules remain consistent.

For older children, it's important that homework and

playtime routines remain consistent.

5 Establish rules for communication with the

child. It's important to lay out clear rules for how and

when each parent will communicate with the child

during the other parent's visit time. Try to come to an

agreement that allows the child to stay in contact

with both parents regularly, but which will not cause

conflicts between the parents.[11]

You may choose to establish rules regarding the

hours during which the other parent can call the

child. You may also want to both agree to allow the

child privacy when talking to the other parent.

Your rules may change depending on your

schedule. For example, if the child is staying with

one parent for the entire summer, the other parent

may want to phone frequently. If the child is only with

the other parent for a few hours, frequent phone

calls may not be appropriate.

In addition, you and your co-parent must decide how

much information about the parenting plan you will

share with your child. The right choice for you will

depend on your child's age and maturity level. For

example, if you have a teenage son who you think

would appreciate the opportunity to contribute to the

plan, you may want to allow him to help you make

some of your decisions. You may decide that certain

aspects of the parenting plan, like the financial

clauses, are not appropriate to share.

Agreeing on Financial Responsibilities

1 Establish a child support agreement. Child

support is probably the most hotly contested aspect

of a parenting plan. Most often, the non-custodial

parent pays a fixed amount of money to the other

parent each month to help cover the child's

expenses. The amount will depend on each parent's

income and the custody arrangement. If possible, try

to agree on a child support arrangement that works

for both you and your co-parent.[12]

If you are not able to come to an agreement about

child support, you can go to family court and have a

judge mandate child support.

Keep in mind that child support may need to change

if other elements of the parenting plan change. You

may have to go to court to get these changes made.

2 Discuss financial support for adult children. In

most cases, child support is only mandated for

minors. However, you and your co-parent may

decide that it is appropriate to financially support

your child for longer. If this is the case, you will need

to incorporate the details of your financial support

into your parenting plan.[13]

You may want to establish an age at which you will

no longer financially support your child, or you may

want to use some other factor to determine financial

support. For example, you and your co-parent may

decide that your financial support will end when your

child graduates from college.

3 Discuss how everyday expenses will be

handled. If it is not already outlined in your child

support agreement, discuss with your co-parent who

will be responsible for everyday expenses. For

example, if your child is going to a birthday party and

needs to buy a gift, who will pay for it?

You may also want to come up with guidelines for

how much it is appropriate to spend on certain items.

4 Determine how you will handle large

expenses. In addition to everyday expenses, you

and your co-parent will need a plan for larger

expenses associated with your child. This may

include things like medical bills or the fees

associated with a school trip abroad.[14]

You may want to make a provision that would

require that large (non-emergency) expenses be

agreed upon before they are incurred. This would

prevent your co-parent from making a costly

purchase for your child that you do not agree with

and then expecting you to pay for half of it.

5

Decide if belongings will be shared. Decide with

your co-parent whether you will keep individual items

for your child at each of your homes or if you will

allow your child to bring items back and forth. This

may be applicable to anything from a video game

system to basic items like clothing and shoes.[15]

Making Important Decisions

1 Discuss lifestyle choices. If there are certain

lifestyle choices that you have made for your child, it

is important to discuss these with your co-parent and

come to an agreement that you are both happy with.

For example, you may want to ensure that your child

eats a healthy diet while staying with your co-

parent.[16]

You may also make certain provisions regarding the

co-parent's lifestyle choices. For example, you may

request that your co-parent not smoke around your

child.[17]

2 Agree on rules, responsibilities, and

discipline. It's very important that you and your co-

parent be consistent with your expectations and

disciplinary methods. Have a detailed conversation

about what you expect of your child and how you will

deal with it if your child fails to meet those

expectations.[18]

If your child has a curfew, be sure that it is the same

at both households. Also discuss under what

circumstances your child is allowed to go out without

parental supervision (if any).

Discuss other rules as well, including those

regarding phone, internet, and television usage.

Decide what the consequences will be if your child

violates the rules of the household, and implement

them consistently.

If your child has chores, talk to your co-parent about

implementing the same or similar chores in the other

household.

3 Develop a plan for approaching religion and

cultural heritage. If you and the other parent have

different religions and heritages, decide if you want

to teach your child both. Make a decision that you

can both agree on.[19]

If you have different religions, you may decide to

educate the child about both.

If one parent practices their religion more than the

other, you may decide to teach your child only about

that one religion

4 Have a plan for schooling. Whether you agree to

public schooling, private schooling, or

homeschooling, determine which type of schooling

you want for your child. If you have not chosen a

school yet, you may want to discuss with your co-

parent how you will go about making this decision

when the time comes.

Note also how you will be dealing with parent

teacher conferences. You can take turns attending,

or both parents can attend together. Another option

would be to make arrangements with the teacher to

attend all the conferences separately.

Make a note in your parenting strategy regarding

receiving information and school grades from the

school. Again, you can arrange for one person to

receive everything and make copies for the other, or

you can ask the school to send you both the same

information.

Decide who will be attending school events. You can

choose to take turns or have one person attend all

the events. Make a decision that you are both happy

with.

Also consider how you will pay for your child's

college education when the time comes. You may

want to establish guidelines regarding how much

each parent is willing to contribute.[20]

5 Determine who will attend to the child's medical

needs. Talk with your co-parent about your child's

medical care, including how you will select doctors,

who will attend appointments, and what the protocol

should be in the case of emergencies.[21]

If both you and the other parent work, you may

decide to take turns taking your child to medical

appointments. The other option is to establish

responsibility depending on who has custody of the

child at the time.

These decisions are especially important if your child

has special medical needs. It's very important that

both parents be on the same page when it comes to

care and treatment.

6 Decide how you will handle future decisions. It is

inevitable that other things will come up that are not

included in your parenting plan. For this reason, it's

a good idea to have a general understanding of how

you and your co-parent will go about making future

decisions. For example, you might agree that you

will not make any major decisions without consulting

the other parent, and that you will discuss the issues

in person.

Putting Your Parenting Plan in Writing

1 Decide if you need to go to court. In some cases,

co-parents are perfectly capable of agreeing on a

parenting plan without any help. However, this does

not work for everyone. If you can't come to an

agreement with your co-parent about one or more

issues, you may need to go to family court to resolve

the issue. The judge will make a decision and issue

an order that will enforce the parenting plan.[22]

In some jurisdictions, you may be required to file a

parenting plan with the courts if you plan on sharing

custody of a minor child. Check with your local family

court to find out if this applies to you.[23]

2 Write everything down. Writing a parenting plan is

no small task. It will require a significant time

commitment from both you and your co-partner. Try

to coordinate a time when the two of you can sit

down and discuss all aspects of child rearing. Write

everything down, including the smallest details. This

will help prevent confusion later on.

Make sure each of you has a copy of the parenting

plan.

3 Sign the plan. Signing the parenting plan

demonstrates that you are both committing to

adhering to the agreement that you came up with.

Even if you are not filing the document with the

courts, it's still a good idea to have both parties sign

it.

If you are required to file your parenting plan with the

courts, you will need to both sign the document in

front of a notary public.[24]

4 Be willing to amend your plan. As children age,

plans will need to adapt to their needs. When

developing a parenting plan, it's important to keep in

mind that just because a certain arrangement works

now, does not mean it will work forever. Be flexible

and willing to talk about changing the plan whenever

it seems necessary.[25]

You may want to create a schedule for reviewing

and revising the plan with your child's other parent,

but it's still a good idea to be open to discussing it

whenever the need arises.

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