how do i love dee?
TRANSCRIPT
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*I know the face of the man I
love*
He is the great Man next to myFather
Well, I believe that every woman in
this earth will definitely claim that her
opposite sex will be the boundless
man ever in his life. Regardless of how
many boys in her life came for a
connection, to the intention ofpromise and of commitment. Its
funny that every time someone
appeals your heart you always come
up to an idea of perfection which I
know that often ends up to an illusion.
Basically you discern it already the
expected situations that you may not
handle even if you strongly plot into
yourself that you can. I know that Im
getting deeper in my thoughts right
now the reason why I currently feel
that Im about to go away with mysubject and that is himthe man nextto my father.
He is just a simple creature. How do I
really define that SIMPLE? This is a
usual characteristic that each of you
always see to it that your ideal couple
has. Yes, he is artless not heartless. He
doesnt like night life nor puff a cigar.
He follows his own principle. He isobsessed to his family. He hopes forlove and keeps patience.
I admit that the moment I conversed
him the first time ever was a bore
entity and now, shall I tell the story
how my status changed into moreinspired lady.
His name is Meta (first code). Hes in a
getting strong love life before me (I
supposed s0 when he doesnt). He asks
once and answers once as well. No
more, no less. Lately, a common friend
gave him a way to attach with me by
no intention. We exchanged words.
We greet ourselves anonymously. I
dont even get a chance to see him
personally because the only way we
imagined how we looked like is
through the voices we shared eachtime he phone calls me or I do vice
versa. There, I gradually got his
interest. We now laugh like crazy frogs
in the dark that dont even see each
expression clearly. We started sharing
our assets, likes, dos and donts. I
even tell myself why the hell we are
turning the talk like this when were
not supposed to. Im afraid. Im
waiting for somebody and he has
someone already. Then, it took
several calls and many attempts to
meet. And at last we did, yet it sucks
thinking that its even I who made way
rushing to formulate that day of
seeing him! And I was just
unconsciously disremembering the boy
Im obsessed with. In other words, its
like my attention turned to him which Idont like. Dont I really like it?
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** A man falls in love through his
eyes,
A woman through her ears **
That was January the first time we metafter few months of hidden identity.
He shook a hand to me and I
welcomed him kindly. The moment I
saw him, it was a needle in my butt. I
was unsure of every moment. All I
knew was I like it already, Im starting
to confuse myself and he is giving out
himself to me either. Hes teasing me,
he plays hard to make me please and it
just turned out that the One day is notenough for the cherished scenes we
made. We started staring that long,
sitting beside him for a dinner was not
normal for an ordinary meeting, Ihonestly felt sparks---safe sparks!
When he touched my hand that night,
I want to pay it back the same way and
I did actually. Darn! Our faces got
closer, hes approach was something
that both of us responds immediately
of sweet sense. Nah! I was truly scared
of the moment; I thought it was going
to be critical because I did not look
forward to know him for that reason.
My goodness I dont want to be an
extra again and again! And I dont
want to lose the other man I dreamt.Which is which?
The day after we first met I do not
want a next time anymore. I know itwould be unfair to him & to me but Im
afraid once again. Im having difficulty
thinking that Im exultant with him
already yet Im waiting for an
important person. Oh love, love, love! I
know its not you and that should not
be you! (I dramatized) After which, I
got a feeling that his admiration to me
seems to pull me down. Oh man! Dont
you ever ask again what we are? Wh0we are? Counting the days, never did I
picture out that I will be seeing him
again------and------again------and------
soon-----and----sooner-----and-----
always!
Yes, you know what it means, the
archer did his part-to dart me in my
artery bringing this man inside which
caused a sickness to me with a generic
name called Feeling! Man. God knows
its beyond control. Im starting to missthis man.
That was
February,
when Love
moves in
mysteriousways.
(Laughs) I
fooled him an
endearment
that Im
supposed to
sound to the other man. (Bhe? Bhe?
Bhe?) I cant spell myself out. Im
appreciating his call backs using the
same word to me. We started dating?
Holding while walking? Gift giving?
Unlimited calling? Metayou are
really giving me a chance to gamble
my heart again for this feeling. I
remember when hes about to prepare
his flight way to inter region. Its
doubtful why Im envious that I cant
be with him for a long time though
basically I got neither right nor goodreasons. But that guy really sucks!
Perfectly sucks that he made a day for
us, a night for usto launch his chilling
pre-valentine yet unanticipated gift.
For his information, He is impressive!(Silly laughs)
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Shall I count the days, week-ends that
we met and months til we finally
devoted our friendship into loveliest
affection. He says hes lucky of me. I
said Im lucky of him. We need not totell each other how we made it but
love really is obviously speaking louderthat our vocals.
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Bhe,
I believe this will be my second
year to witness your special day.
But before we celebrate, I just
want to rewind the moments
how we get here.
Rememberthe first night we
met with a friend? The first time
I foot walked your City. I sat on a
bench fronting the hall and there
was no light at all. That was
around 6 pm. You came back
from a travel taking yourself
home before you finally gave a
beep that you are near to me.
I was thinking where else in La
Carlota will this man pass by. But
I have no idea. A gaze from a left
side catch my eye when a man
stroll my way directly and just
then I recognized that youre the
man in a violet shirt handing
your blue jacket aside. Then I
slightly pretended while Davidseems to laugh in the end and
thats how we started!
I must be an expert to meet
strangers but with you, I doubted
this time for I cant even start a
conversation and all I do to you is
an observation.
We walked and talked. You teased
and I payback unconsciously. Our
way to a train is dark but I feel
thatits going to be sweet!
There, I felt both pleasure and
hesitation. I like the moment but
do I have the right to feel it?
We dont care where we are,
from who we are in the past, we
dont mind when 12 midnight
will come to an end. I honestly
enjoyed the walk, stare, laugh
and your corny phrases (until
today).
Then we dine there, and sat
beside you eating my favourite
and your favourite inasal also
haha. You grabbed my hand and
prank the hell out of me I
surrendered in such a way
recognizing immediately that oOp
it was 12 midnight already. First
day of meeting was bitin s0
much!
There at the hall we stopped by
for the last time to repeat our
goodbyes and as you stare harder
I forgot that I needed to returnyour warm jacket and I thanked
you for one of the loveliest days.
You ought to have a hug but well,
considering that a chaperon
beside was present you stole it
instead hehe! Haunting!
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Alright! Too much for that!
Seriously, I so miss the 0rigin of
us and on how we struggled just
to seal the flaws before us. I knowand you know that we cant be
like this; we cant be where we
are right now if not with your
pursuance and my trust. Thanks
for proving that I was wr0ng
with my Nega thoughts since.
Thank you for patiently askingme how many times if what
actually our status was. I shall say
you have disturbed me well to
build this relationship for its been
a couple of years after I failed a
mate. Thank you for your
mouthful jokes goodness! Forinviting me to enter SFC
community, for influencing me
how to literally clean a plate, for
attesting me whether or not to
lose oneself beside temptation, for
the random scents, for the
footwear, for saying YES though
it should be NO, for adjusting, for
trying, for obeying, for going and
seeing me during day=offs! Youjust dont know how important it
is for me that you spend every
SUNDAY of your life for us to
break the long distance that we
have. Thank you gid bhe! There
are a lot of things to be thankful
with. Just like facing with myfamily nicely. For your side who
treated me the same way too. For
cheering me up in times of
difficulty, in visitation of my
dysmenorrhoea, for every food
chain we dine in, for every coin
we consumed for jeepney andceres bus! For every second of
strolling for the new gadgets in
mall, for every dress and shirt we
appreciate and think that best fit
us. For every token we waste to
sing our common songs and laugh
out loud if we fail to get the high
notes! For the times you look mad
since I often refuse to pose
straight from your camera. Forthe adventure of life and of our
private life (esss!) For our fights
(with the plural form) for the
load we spent each week hayyy
just to suffice the misery. For
treating me like a Mesdames
(pronounced as Madam). For thecare which is undeniably felt. For
understanding, and for patiently
reading this novel for you haha! (I
know youre not interested to this
kay mahambal ka English naman!
but since halin sakon, ga pati gd
ko nga basahon mu ni for thesake of learning dba! Dba! Hehe)
Corny2x skon ba noh? Corny lang
hehe bilin ang iban cmu hahah!
Storyahanay na lang ta b bhe
pwede? Hehe galing kay feel ko ya
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magsulat nami handwriting ko
ay? Hahahahaha.)
writtten:Best Before; May 13, 2012.
Happy Birthday Dooy @ 21
Updated:
Just now End of October 2012
The irony of the above story is
here and is actually hard to
admit. I just cant imagine how
we ended up this soon. So soon
that I was so happy yesterday
busy counting the Sundays we
have to meet at the malls and allof the sudden the man I have
always waited to text me Sum-
ag nko bhe, skay nda had an
amnesia that I was forced to go
away. Yes I regret I wasnt able to
hand this letter to you during
your birthday, during the time
that I still have the right to
demand your presence justbecause bebe was so shy. (weh
)It was a very difficult test
(seems like a board examination
actually that I studied so hard
and suddenly nothing came out
on the lessons Ive reviewed)
shocked. But I dont wanna goback remembering myself looking
straight at the mirror with self-
pity (because I know you would
not like it too). This is natural.
And no one is exempted to this
ache anyway. And so today, I
thank you for reading this. This isyour remembrance, our
remembrance.
If in the very dull moment you
lose hope, Im here. (I hate you
telling yourself gago gd ko b)
YOU ARE NOT, chances are there
and you just need to be alert
grabbing while its there. After
the day you told me yourebreaking the chain w/ me, my
stomach rattled. Ive done every
reverse psychology and defense
mechanism but the situation ends
up w/ 3 words. I can accept, I do
respect but I love you and Ill miss
you.
If fighting for you and for us can
save us as well then Let us leave it
in our own will someday and
Gods will. Were too young but
until then just want to let you
know that the feeling is consistentyet Im not sure if its still mutual.
I may not know what happened
or what the reason is, you were
not able to tell and still its
hanging but yes in time we
forgive, I forgive and you do the
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same. I still imagine of marryingthe same man, having kids w/
him and loving him but to now be
either moving on or staying put.
Just Remember were one of the
luckiest couple who didnt take
advantage the growth of love,
thanks for cooperating, we evenenjoy having a third party-thats
God.
[AMON-LANG-NI]
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CHAPTER ENDS :
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