How Can A Wife Initiate Better Communications With Her Husband Without Pushing Them Away

How Can A Wife Initiate Better Communications With Her Husband Without Pushing Them Away?

There is no doubt that men and women communicate differently. What many women may not realize is that men and women typically perceive a relationship differently as well. While women may see perceived problems or issues that need work in the relationship, men usually have the attitude of Im happy, I dont see any problem. Women usually see this as a disregard for their feelings or as indifference about the relationship. This often leads to a breakdown in communications between husband and wife. So how can a wife broach a discussion with her husband, initiate communication without turning them off or pushing them away? The key is in understanding the male mind and talking to them in their language.

Be Flexible

There is an ancient Asian proverb that says, Men are born soft and supple,; dead, they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dryThe hard and still will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail. If you are rigid and hard in your marriage, demanding that your husband conform to your communication style, react to you the way you feel he should react and love you the way you think he should, you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak and disappointment. Now, this is not to say that abuse is OK, that is a completely different matter. But be soft and supple in how you approach your relationship.

However, your husband is an individual and he will communicate with you in his own way, react to you in his own way and love you in his own way. It is up to you to learn those ways so that you can identify them and appreciate them. When you can appreciate your husband and respect him for who he is, he will take note and be more receptive to your attempts at communication. It will be far easier to have a conversation with a man who feels appreciated and respected than one who feels that he never quite measures up in your eyes.

Keep an Open Mind

One of the best things a woman can do when trying to communicate with a man is to keep an open mind. Throw out your expectations. Chances are, you will be expecting him to react the way you would and say the things that you would. He probably wont. However, if you open your mind and open your heart, you will hear him communicating to you the things you probably want to hear - but in his own way.

An open mind can open the lines of communication between you tremendously. Many people have a tendency to project their own characteristics onto their partner. They then expect their partner to react the way they themselves would react in certain situations. This leads to marital discord, discontent and unhappiness. Open your mind and heart, look beyond yourself and see your mate for who they are.

Realize that He isnt a Woman

Many men are sensitive and some even show it, but for the most part, men just dont operate the way women do. Women tend to focus on relationships, on the emotional aspects of their relationships and on intimacy. While men like these things, they deal with them in different ways. They tend to have the attitude that if the world isnt exploding around them, then everything is just fine. This is not insensitive, it is just that men are not as relationship and intimacy focused as women are.

A guy may see intimacy as sitting on the same couch while you watch a movie together. To him, this is an intimate moment. A woman, on the other hand, may see this as not intimate at all. Instead, she sees intimacy as cuddling on the couch, candles lit, TV off and talking quietly together. While these are two very different scenarios, they are both intimate moments. It is just a matter of perspective. When you can understand his male brain, you can better appreciate his male oriented attempts at intimacy. The first step is realizing that he isnt a woman.

Speak his Language

Listen to your man and learn to speak his language. Many guys will try to give their wives the intimacy and romance that they want. But most of those guys are usually clueless about what that is. You can help him by learning to speak his language. Understand his communication style. Maybe your idea of love is hugging and kissing all the time, saying syrupy things to each other and always being in physical contact. His idea of love may be the fact that he notices that the garbage needs to be taken out and he does it without asking, or that he notices when there is not milk in the fridge so he goes to the store. Maybe he picks you up your favorite drink when he goes to the convenience store. Maybe he calls you during the day to say he loves you. Maybe he does something as simple as rests his hand on your leg when you sit next to him on the couch or in the car.

Pay attention. He is talking to you in his own language. You would go live in another country without having at least some understanding of the native language, yet men and women move in together every day and have absolutely no clue how each communicates. They dont learn the language and the marriage suffers.

Meet Him Halfway

A marriage is give and take. It is wrought with compromise and meeting each other halfway. Dont expect him to come all the way over to your side, that isnt fair. Take the time to know him for who he is, know his personality and characteristics and meet him halfway. If he is the type of person who needs some alone time to unwind at the end of the day, give it to him. You both will be happier. It wont hurt you to give him 30 minutes or an hour to himself each day with the understanding that he gives you equal time to be together. If he is a gearhead, take an interest in cars. Even if you just sit outside with him while he tinkers with the car, you can enjoy some very intimate conversations that will draw the two of you closer. The thing to remember about men is that when they are doing something, when they are engaged in certain activities, they tend to open up and talk more. Get him to help you do the dishes, help him work on his car, do things together and meet him halfway and he will open up to you.

Men are strange creatures to most women. Of course, women are strange creatures to many men. When you apply these techniques to your relationship, you can open the lines of communication with any topic that you choose. If he feels appreciated, needed and loved, he is much more likely to respond favorably to you when you talk to him.