Honoring Greatness: Honoring Greatness: Building the Inner Wealth in our Building the Inner Wealth in our

ChildrenChildren

An Overview of the Nurtured Heart An Overview of the Nurtured Heart ApproachApproach

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Tammy Small, M.Ed.Tammy Small, M.Ed.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different

results.”

- Albert Einstein

Where do we begin?NHA as a model of RELATIONSHIP

The real PARADIGM SHIFT begins in how we look,

respond to - and nurture kids each other, and OURSELVES!

Your intention: Be Great…Recognize Greatness.

Name 3 of your greatest strengths you bring in parenting

or working with children.

On your 3 x 5 cardA. Name one quality about yourself that a

friend would share.

B. Name one GREAT quality about yourself which you wish more people would recognize

C. Name a child/student/friend whom you think struggles with other peers or adults on a regular basis (first name only).

The Nurtured Heart Approach

• A Paradigm Shift• Three Clear Intentions• 3-legged Model

– Pursue the Positive– No Negativity Leaks– Strictness

The Paradigm Shift

this paradigm shift begins with identifying that our relationships have had

The Nurtured Heart Approach recognizes that…

The Nurtured Heart Approach

• Creating a world where all our energy goes toward their successful choices.

• “It is not a question of whether you can or can’t… you ARE!”

The Nurtured Heart Approach

• Creating a world where all our energy goes toward their successful choices.

• “It is not a question of whether you can or can’t… you ARE!”

Toys R’ UsWe are by far our student’s most interesting “toy”. We have, by far,

more features. We are the ultimate entertainment centers.

Toys R’ UsGiven traditional ways of parenting and teaching, it is remarkably easy for a child,

especially an intense child, to form an impression that this “Toy” is much more

animated, interesting, and alive in relation to their unacceptable behaviors.

Three Clear IntentionsWith our attitudes, responses and perceptions

make a clear path to:1. Help kids feel GREAT about who they are.

2. CREATE SUCCESSES that would not otherwise exist. (Shamu)

3. Become adept at IDENTIFYING WHAT IS RIGHT with the picture (Toll Taker).

Our Primary Intention…With our attitudes, responses and perceptions make a

clear path to:

Help kids feel GREAT about who they are.

Small group activity: Share your answers from A and B off of your card – particularly be brave and share one of your qualities you wish others recognized more!

Review Card Question Activity

A. Name one quality about yourself that a friend would share.

B. Name one quality about yourself which you wish more people would recognize.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond

measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually,

who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is

nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine…It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we

unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. We are liberated from our own fear, our

presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson

Our Secondary Intention…With our attitudes, responses and perceptions make a

clear path to:

CREATE SUCCESSES that would not otherwise exist. (Glasser’s Shamu Story)

Shamu Lowering the

Rope. Creating

successes that would not otherwise exist.

Our Final Intention…With our attitudes, responses and perceptions make a

clear path to:

Become adept at IDENTIFYING WHAT IS RIGHT with the picture. (Glasser’s Toll Booth Man).

The Toll Booth Man

It’s all how you choose to see things.

Even Santa can use the wrong lens…

•

NHA Ultimate Stand...REPEAT AFTER ME…REPEAT AFTER ME…

““There is Always There is Always Something Going Something Going

Right.”Right.”NOW…NOW…

DON’T BE SCARED DON’T BE SCARED TO NAME IT!TO NAME IT!

ACTIVITY: Now see if you can come up with some

ways of naming what could be going right when…

1. Your child does the dishes as asked (in the sink) but many remain on stove/counter

OR2. Your child has been sent to the office

for a discipline referral (hitting)

The 3-Legged Stool

Pursue the Positive• Find example after example of

moments where your children/students are coping well, making good decisions, regaining self-control, and showing great character.

• These examples are reflected back to the child giving them an ever-growing body of evidence that they are valuable, competent, and beling in a positive life.

• Hold up the mirror!

“There is NOTHING you can say or do that will dissuade me from believing in your ability to

be successful.”

Pursue the Positive

The myth of “over-indulgence”…

RECOGNITION V.S.

PRAISE…

The Myth of Overindulgence: An NHA Story

No Negativity Leaks• By not giving

problems and poor choices a lot of your relationship time, attention and energy, you teach your children 4 critical things…

No Negativity Leaking… 1. Everybody has problems. 2. They do not have to have

problems in order to achieve relationships with adults.

3. Their positIve behavior will lead to relational success.

4. Their problems do not defeat your or upset you.

PROBLEMS BECOME UNNECESSARY AS A WAY TO GAIN RELATIONSHIP.

Common Leaks

Most adults or leaders working with youth are unaware of the ways in which they ‘leak’ negative energy to their children/students. (refer to your hand out for examples of these Common Leaks!)

Positive Junk Food

Big Ol’ Buts

Comparison Shopping

Subtle – or not so subtle – Threats or Warnings

“Kids are not stupid. They are just short.”

- Jack Prelutsky

The third leg: Strictness• There is no need for

reminders, fussing, lectures, warnings, investigations, or exceptions. The rules are the rules and are enforced 24/7.

Strict but Calm• Calmly and strictly enforce

the rules. • NO exceptions.“Darn it!

Broke a rule.”• The ‘game’ is easy to learn

and succeed at because the rules are clear.

• The consequence is a time out that is kept short as a way of purposefully leading to further success.

Some wordless examples to set rules for non-readers

And this rule is…..

And this rule is…

And of course, this rule is…

And my all time favorite, but “oh-so-important” rule…

Always be in the Truth of the Moment

• Like a lens of a camera, filming the the truth in this moment, then this one, then this one.

• After the time out is over and the problem is no longer happening, create new ways to applaud the child’s current choices as demonstrations of success.

Unfortunately, starting with the Stand On Rules and Consequences can actually

make things worse....

Relentless Pursuit of the Positive

• What IS happening that can be held up as success?

• What ISN’T happening that can be held up as success?

Consider what it looks like in relationship – to NOT focus on the

problem?

Learning to recognize that they are ALREADY SHOWING

Leadership Qualities!

BRAINSTORM ACTIVITY…

What are the skills ALREADY BEING SHOWN when your child …

1. TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR AN ACTION

2. GETS UP FOR SCHOOL

3. ACCEPTS A RESET OR TIME OUT

4. WAITS IN THE CAR

5. IS READY TO GO WHEN IT IS TIME

6. HANDLES “NOT NOW” OR “LATER”

7. REMEMBERS TO BRING SOMETHING HOME

8. COMPLETES HOMEWORK

9. TRANSITIONS BETWEEN TASKS

10. PICKS UP AFTER THEMSELVES

11. WAITS THEIR TURN

12. FOLLOWS A REQUEST THE FIRST TIME

13. ACCEPTS DIRECTION/SUGGESTION

14. PARTICIPATES IN A TEAM SPORT

Recognizing Your Own Recognizing Your Own GreatnessGreatness

Forgive. Live forward. Be relentlessly Forgive. Live forward. Be relentlessly the best version of yourself.the best version of yourself.

Questions and Follow-upQuestions and Follow-up

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Questions and Follow-up

More information Links to additional

resources Inspirational articles

and stories Contact information

For follow-up see

http://www.NurturedHeart.net

References

• Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach, by Howard Glasser & Jennifer Easley (c. 2003)

• The Inner Wealth Initiative:  The Nurtured Heart Approach for Educators, by Tom Grove and Howard Glasser, (c.2007)

• Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An Interactive Guide to the Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser, Joann Bowdidge, Lisa Bravo, (c. 2008)

• All Children Flourishing: Igniting the Greatness of Our Children The Nurtured Heart Approach – a Parenting Paradigm for the New Millennium by Howard Glasser (c. 2008)

• Transforming the Difficult Child: True Stories of Triumph Edited by Jennifer Easley and Howard Glasser (Tammy Small’s story appears on 57-59)

• There is Always Something Going Right: Workbook for Implementing the Nurtured Heart Approach in School Settings, Tammy Small and Louisa Triandis (2010)